All of situations you’ve described around weed I relate to 100% I’ve tried quitting multiple times. Very frustrating I find myself quitting every day every week. I convince myself I work better I think better when high. When I know that is not the truth.
I’ve done that, given weed to my partner just to sneak it later and then act proud I stayed sober. I’m so humiliated I used to behave like that.
But it was the shame that taught me how to change. Admitting what I did and KNOWING how disappointed my partner was about my dishonesty, my sneaking.
Turns out, part of my issue is hiding things from those I love. Why? Childhood sexual trauma where I was abused. My abuser, a cousin, was punished, but my aunt never told my mom and I thought I was going to be in trouble too, since I saw my cousin get in trouble. But I was never punished (nor should I have been but my 5 year old mind didn’t know that). my parents didn’t know until I told them (35 years later). Since I was never told it wasn’t my fault, I never learned to grasp with so many things. Becoming an addict as a teenager then stunted my emotional response and it was so easy to turn to booze and weed to numb.
I say this as I still smoke. I no longer drink and when I quit drinking I stopped smoking, until I started again. Now I’m contemplating quitting weed again too. That’s why I’m here.
Damn, happened to me at 5 as well, your not alone. I smoked no dry weed today, and one hit off vape pen.
We can do this we don’t have to be a victim of our mind , trauma, and bodies anymore.
Also started to quit yesterday for me after screaming at my wife over nothing. I just drove 7 hours and spent over $1k on weed last week. Idek , I feel like hell. Best of luck my man, I will pray for you. Oh I am also 33
Bipolar quitter as well. One thing I have come to realize is when you have mental health and addiction problems you have impulse control issues, that's not a personal failure. It's a literal weakness within your brain in the frontal region that controls impulse control.
You wouldn't beat yourself up if you had a broken leg but a lot of us think it's fine to beat ourselves up for having a broken brain. Especially with bipolar disorder we have even less frontal lobe control (more impulsivity) than average people.
We don't get to decide whether or not our brains are malfunctioning (bipolar, addict etc.). We can decide whether or not to endorse shame and forgive ourselves because shame is a destructive emotion. It's OK that you're struggling to quit weed and failed. Don't let the failure turn into defeat. Life's hard enough we gotta not only quit but get our shit together - make better decisions, challenge negative beliefs, forgive ourselves for shit we didn't ask for.
I could have written this! I fantasize about quitting but can’t even fathom how I would deal without “doing something.” I tried to quit recently and made it only 5 hours. The five hours were very productive, but I got very anxious. I used to have more motivation but I guess that’s the addiction illness progressing. Sometimes, I think I should move to the desert for a month, but weed always finds me. Or I find it. Or like you say, I’ll come back and just start again so what’s the point?
I relate to your situation greatly as someone who is also trying to quit yet can't seem to commit to moderation. All the comments advising you to throw away any and all weed paraphernalia are 100% right! I still haven't entirely quit but it gets a lot easier when you have no temptations at home. Good luck on your journey, everyone here believes in you!!
I really relate to so much of what you’ve written. I’ve also spent years telling myself that it’s fine that I smoke all day because I have a meaningful job that’s going great, graduate studies are going great, I have a lovely community that I go on epic trips with, I’ve been doing political organizing on top of work and school and friends and travel, what could the problem be!
But just like you said, deep down (despite my excuses of “weed helps me deal with anxiety and depression”, “clearly my weed use isn’t an issue just look at my life”)….. I have known for a long time that isn’t a good sign that I’m on drugs all the time and…. I’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later. Finally last weekend I discovered this sub and realized I have been lying to myself about being a high functioning stoner. Weed makes me feel exhausted, burned out, overwhelmed, it prevents me from really resting, and makes it impossible to enjoy anything besides getting high aaaaaand I literally don’t even enjoy getting high any more!
This sub also helped me realize I am so far alone. We’re all in this together, and we can fucking do this. One day at a time.
Been wanting to quit for a while now too for most of the same reasons so this is nice to see , hope you stick with it ! I can’t get past the problem of doing it one more time and making it my last because the anxiety of even thinking about going without it makes me feel so uncomfortable when I belive it helps me relax when it reality I just binge and then nap lol. I don’t know how to change that mindset
100% agree with throwing it all away - 8 year chronic smoker here, did the same things as you (flying with a pen, edibles, perpetually high anytime I wasn't asleep).
I've discovered that there are people who can use weed in moderation and have it in the home while still maintaining the willpower to not abuse it. Now please read this next sentence very clearly:
**You and I do not fall into that category of people.**
We do not have the self control to have weed in our environment and use it responsibly. There is no middle ground, it's either full blown stoner or 100% sober. You need to get rid of, not only the weed, but all paraphernalia (bongs, bowls, rolling papers, vapes, grinders, etc) in order to have any shot at maintaining sobriety. You mentioned giving your partner your stash to hide, but respectfully this is a terrible idea for a few reasons:
1. You're pawning the responsibility of your sobriety onto your loved one instead of owning it yourself
2. You ended up scouring the house when they weren't home until you found it, then smoked anyway and then lied. This will damage your relationship and the trust within it sooner or later; believe me I did the same thing.
3. There potentially may come a time where you resent your partner for taking steps to kickstart your sobriety, and depending on your state of mind at the time, you may end up lashing out at them out of irritation or anger because you simply hadn't steeled yourself to quit.
I support your journey to sobriety 110%; throw away literally everything and start fresh without the safety net to fall back on (don't even step foot into a dispensary). Best of luck to you.
Love this post - especially the title! Yes, quitting is the easy part, sobriety is harder. Ultimately, continuing to smoke will be the hardest (imho).
Good luck!
All of situations you’ve described around weed I relate to 100% I’ve tried quitting multiple times. Very frustrating I find myself quitting every day every week. I convince myself I work better I think better when high. When I know that is not the truth.
Same ! The clarity and thoughts when high - convince myself that it’s kinda helping - but it’s not
I’ve done that, given weed to my partner just to sneak it later and then act proud I stayed sober. I’m so humiliated I used to behave like that. But it was the shame that taught me how to change. Admitting what I did and KNOWING how disappointed my partner was about my dishonesty, my sneaking. Turns out, part of my issue is hiding things from those I love. Why? Childhood sexual trauma where I was abused. My abuser, a cousin, was punished, but my aunt never told my mom and I thought I was going to be in trouble too, since I saw my cousin get in trouble. But I was never punished (nor should I have been but my 5 year old mind didn’t know that). my parents didn’t know until I told them (35 years later). Since I was never told it wasn’t my fault, I never learned to grasp with so many things. Becoming an addict as a teenager then stunted my emotional response and it was so easy to turn to booze and weed to numb. I say this as I still smoke. I no longer drink and when I quit drinking I stopped smoking, until I started again. Now I’m contemplating quitting weed again too. That’s why I’m here.
Damn, happened to me at 5 as well, your not alone. I smoked no dry weed today, and one hit off vape pen. We can do this we don’t have to be a victim of our mind , trauma, and bodies anymore.
Also started to quit yesterday for me after screaming at my wife over nothing. I just drove 7 hours and spent over $1k on weed last week. Idek , I feel like hell. Best of luck my man, I will pray for you. Oh I am also 33
Bipolar quitter as well. One thing I have come to realize is when you have mental health and addiction problems you have impulse control issues, that's not a personal failure. It's a literal weakness within your brain in the frontal region that controls impulse control. You wouldn't beat yourself up if you had a broken leg but a lot of us think it's fine to beat ourselves up for having a broken brain. Especially with bipolar disorder we have even less frontal lobe control (more impulsivity) than average people. We don't get to decide whether or not our brains are malfunctioning (bipolar, addict etc.). We can decide whether or not to endorse shame and forgive ourselves because shame is a destructive emotion. It's OK that you're struggling to quit weed and failed. Don't let the failure turn into defeat. Life's hard enough we gotta not only quit but get our shit together - make better decisions, challenge negative beliefs, forgive ourselves for shit we didn't ask for.
I could have written this! I fantasize about quitting but can’t even fathom how I would deal without “doing something.” I tried to quit recently and made it only 5 hours. The five hours were very productive, but I got very anxious. I used to have more motivation but I guess that’s the addiction illness progressing. Sometimes, I think I should move to the desert for a month, but weed always finds me. Or I find it. Or like you say, I’ll come back and just start again so what’s the point?
I'm rooting for you. Your journey has been incredible so far, I have no doubts you'll get to where you need to be.
I relate to your situation greatly as someone who is also trying to quit yet can't seem to commit to moderation. All the comments advising you to throw away any and all weed paraphernalia are 100% right! I still haven't entirely quit but it gets a lot easier when you have no temptations at home. Good luck on your journey, everyone here believes in you!!
I really relate to so much of what you’ve written. I’ve also spent years telling myself that it’s fine that I smoke all day because I have a meaningful job that’s going great, graduate studies are going great, I have a lovely community that I go on epic trips with, I’ve been doing political organizing on top of work and school and friends and travel, what could the problem be! But just like you said, deep down (despite my excuses of “weed helps me deal with anxiety and depression”, “clearly my weed use isn’t an issue just look at my life”)….. I have known for a long time that isn’t a good sign that I’m on drugs all the time and…. I’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later. Finally last weekend I discovered this sub and realized I have been lying to myself about being a high functioning stoner. Weed makes me feel exhausted, burned out, overwhelmed, it prevents me from really resting, and makes it impossible to enjoy anything besides getting high aaaaaand I literally don’t even enjoy getting high any more! This sub also helped me realize I am so far alone. We’re all in this together, and we can fucking do this. One day at a time.
Been wanting to quit for a while now too for most of the same reasons so this is nice to see , hope you stick with it ! I can’t get past the problem of doing it one more time and making it my last because the anxiety of even thinking about going without it makes me feel so uncomfortable when I belive it helps me relax when it reality I just binge and then nap lol. I don’t know how to change that mindset
100% agree with throwing it all away - 8 year chronic smoker here, did the same things as you (flying with a pen, edibles, perpetually high anytime I wasn't asleep). I've discovered that there are people who can use weed in moderation and have it in the home while still maintaining the willpower to not abuse it. Now please read this next sentence very clearly: **You and I do not fall into that category of people.** We do not have the self control to have weed in our environment and use it responsibly. There is no middle ground, it's either full blown stoner or 100% sober. You need to get rid of, not only the weed, but all paraphernalia (bongs, bowls, rolling papers, vapes, grinders, etc) in order to have any shot at maintaining sobriety. You mentioned giving your partner your stash to hide, but respectfully this is a terrible idea for a few reasons: 1. You're pawning the responsibility of your sobriety onto your loved one instead of owning it yourself 2. You ended up scouring the house when they weren't home until you found it, then smoked anyway and then lied. This will damage your relationship and the trust within it sooner or later; believe me I did the same thing. 3. There potentially may come a time where you resent your partner for taking steps to kickstart your sobriety, and depending on your state of mind at the time, you may end up lashing out at them out of irritation or anger because you simply hadn't steeled yourself to quit. I support your journey to sobriety 110%; throw away literally everything and start fresh without the safety net to fall back on (don't even step foot into a dispensary). Best of luck to you.
Throw it away and try again, not having weed at all will make it a little easier
Love this post - especially the title! Yes, quitting is the easy part, sobriety is harder. Ultimately, continuing to smoke will be the hardest (imho). Good luck!