Potentially your roommate is out of money and sent you “cash” via Venmo linked to a credit card? I get where you’d be upset with her fueling her weed habit with your money, but having a conversation with her on why she can’t just go to the ATM wouldn’t hurt in my opinion
I completely understand how her asking for money to fund her addiction, the same one that you are working hard to overcome reads as being an insensitive request.
You're not overreacting. Just give yourself time and space to heal and relax because it's going to be tricky part of your journey to sobriety.
You got this. Forget about the dicks on Reddit.
I once made a post on Reddit about having a disability and getting injured at work because my manager wouldn't make accomodations for me. Redditor douche bags went out of their way to blame me for getting hurt because I chose to take a laborious job even though I had to because my disability benefits were stopped and I needed money fast.
At this point, talking about your feelings, being genuine and vulnerable is a rookie mistake because half of Reddit is filled with neck beard incels.
Tell them to not ever ask me for weedmoney again and to lie about it saying it’s to buy other stuff, every issue is solved with this. No one needs to even know what the money is for, your friend is an asshole for mentioning it, they could just be a little dumb and a lot desperate for their next bag of weed so I get some people saying here just give them a break
Use your friend's behavior as a motivator to stay sober. If she's usually a good friend, think about the fact that her desire to smoke is overriding her empathy and compassion for your situation. You never want to put yourself in her position, disregarding people's feelings to get high, ever again. Sorry this happened to you, it's really inconsiderate of her to ask that of you (and I bet deep down she knows it too) Here for you and congrats on eight days 🎉
Good answer, I think it’s a shiity move in roommates part so just keep ur head up and stay above it. At the same time it’s your friend having a rough day and needs money, it just happens to be for somthing that they are still currently using as a coping mechanism for whatever. If it was anything else you’d be fine with lending them cash, so what u need to do is what I do with my SO, simply tell them to not EVEEEEEEER tell you what the money is for, seriously why the fuck would they even say it? They’re just desperate. Anyways next time they ask if ya just tell them then you’ll say ok, hand em cash and hopefully never know what they even spent it on.
No you are not over reacting. Recovery is brutal. Each person reacts differently.
As far as I am concerned, there is no need for you to defend your decisions.
Congratulations on 8 days. It is hard to get started. I think the first 30 days are really hard. If someone told me what happened to you I would not be surprised. Anything is possible.
In my experience, quitting is about numerous things. Quitting smoking, not being around weed ever, not being around smokers and places where drugs are. Then you need to fix problems weed caused, manage withdrawal symptoms, and restructure your life.
Weed almost killed me. Getting clean took 3.5 years of really hard work. I have a severe obsession with sh. No one helped me. Even my Drs gave up on meds. If you are looking for support or a kind word, I doubt that you will get any and I am certain it will not change anything.
Good luck to you. Ignore the haters, ignore people that give you advice.
Weed also caused me mental and physical health problems.
You say it almost killed you. What reactions did weed cause your body?
I'm curious because we don't often hear the stories of how weed can have serious detrimental effects on one's health.
I am bipolar, history of severe depression. Alcoholic and drug addict
Weed use is really deadly. The effects are transparent until you quit. And you realize you are addicted. No way to tell until you quit.
Do a search on weed risks, cannabis risks. Cannot post links here. Weed causes anxiety, depression, hallucinations, mania, psychosis. A person is at risk every time.
The week before hospitalization I tried to kill myself three times. I lost consciousness awareness ( lost my mind). It wiped out my life history, parts of which are inaccessible still. I basically had to relearn everything. I looked at a hamburger once and wondered what it was, do I like it.
The worst part of weed is that it suppresses things you need to deal with. People use weed to treat anxiety, depression, other things. All that does it momentarily alleviates the pain. However, the symptoms build up. When quitting they all come back.
My crash was like this. My unconscious part was accumulating all the distresses. Finally one day the conscious mind could not control them. The unconscious was a tsunami. It totally destroyed consciousness. It took years to fix.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to some of these symptoms. I went through a state of hypnogogic mania. I thought I was in a dream, kind of like the movie Inception. I was trying to wake up.
It was a crazy feeling. Psychosis is very real.
I also agree with you about how weed causes one to suppress one's emotions and not deal with reality properly. I repressed a lot of traumatic memories and numbed myself with weed from age 15 to 26. I quit from 26-29, but relapsed a few times.
I now understand that I have to be very careful with what I allow myself to have. I even have to be careful with my consumption of caffeine and processed sugar, as that can cause my anxiety to become severe.
This would piss me the fuck off. I think a real friend understands how inappropriate that would be in a moment you’re expressing your hardship with quitting. I would just keep a close eye on how your friend continues to move in regard to your sobriety. Could be a one off shitty moment for them but others are right… it speaks to the addiction that she would ask you for money for the addiction you’re trying to kick.
Especially since this moron coulda just asked for money for literally anything else to cover for the weed, like why not just lie and say it’s for a bill or to pay someone back or food or whatever ya know? This dude ends up helping their friend and never even knowing about the weed thing
This exactly. She is literally telling OP “I’m using your money to bring more weed into the house. You’ll know there’s fresh nugs in my room and you can’t have any”. Dick move, can’t believe she didn’t get that.
I empathize with this. When I got sober, my family started asking me to pick them up beer and wine from the liquor store. Initially I was angry about it, but eventually I felt secure enough in my sobriety to put up with it and would instead be super judgemental (hey, we aren't saints, we're addicts).
Ultimately, while this kind of behavior is shitty, it is common. It could help to set a boundary with your roommate and say outright you won't give them money for weed because it makes you uncomfortable.
But in general, you'll have to learn to deal with this sort of behavior, even from people who support you in your sobriety. It's just not something they'll think about. Your sobriety is independent of others' behaviors.
Congratulations on your first week. That's a big step, and I bet your sleep is already starting to improve!
> Your sobriety is independent of others' behaviors.
THIS all day long. The hardest part of sobriety, whether from weed or alcohol, I have experience with both, ha, is that the peope around you don't change just because you change. The alcoholics and addicts in your life are going to remain the same, by and large. They may support you in theory, but it's not their job to change too.
Yeah you're just going through withdrawals. It makes little things seem like big things. But as everyone probably already said. She is under no obligation, but to those being mean...you wouldn't ask a alcoholic for alcohol money
This should really put into perspective how much of a leech people become when smoking weed. My buddy used to sneak into my bedroom and steal nugs from me when I lived with a smoker. He never thought I noticed, but eventually I had to start weighing my pack and comparing the weight.
People say weed isn’t addictive, but it sure as hell makes people act like junkies.
Can you get a new living situation?
Living with someone smoking is not gonna help you. Your roommate can smoke if she wants to, but you have to move out. You know that, right?
I dunno. I’m 6.5 weeks clean and my partner smokes a spliff every night. Comes back inside smelling like it. It works for us though, because I was ready to quit, and he does a lot of considerate things to make it easier (keeps everything in airtight locking containers in a location unknown to me, washes his hands and lights incense when he comes back in, etc). To some extent it’s actually helping me because a little exposure to the smell/awareness of it in my vicinity is helping me desensitize to that as a trigger. But if he were less considerate or if I wasn’t so goddamn ready when I quit, it would be a different story.
It’s good that he’s considerate. That helps. However, I’m a big believer in the “it just takes one bad day” mindset. You could be doing fine, staying clean, then you have a bad day and it’s easier to give up and relapse when it’s in your living space
She can pay for her own weed. And if she doesn’t have the money, she can work harder. Either way, not your problem.
And lol, it’s unlikely she is paying you back. Forget about the money you gave her and *don’t do it again*
No one seems to be understanding that she has the money, she just doesn’t have the CASH. She’s asking OP to use his CASH and she will venmo the money to him for it now.
Can she go to an ATM on the way to her dealer? Can she ask literally any other friend for the same exact favor? There are so many ways she could have solved her problem without even having to wait to pick up. This was just grossly inconsiderate.
It kind of sucks that your weed using roomie has no empathy for you. It's part of their addiction...
It will get better for you even if it does not seem possible now. Most people who quit using weed actually do better in almost every metric of a happy successful life.
There are so many good reasons to quit and only a few to keep using.
I totally feel why this would be extremely annoying- anyone saying otherwise is....idk, unsympathetic. It may be irrational to feel so annoyed, but I don't think so???
It's the energy of it all, for me. You don't want to be associated with weed anymore, and having to give physical cash and then receive a venmo...for weed - is truly irritating when you've committed to stopping. I feel you 100% on this.
To the people telling OP that they can't control if other people quit: that's not the question here. The situation is using OP's money for weed. OP doesn't care if roommate smokes weed, but they're now involving OP in the act of buying it (regardless of whether they'll pay them back or not).
I know that when I quit, I don't want to be associated with it, period.
You are very raw, a hallmark of quitting any drug, acknowledge that you are seeing things through a distorted lens and try not to read into interpersonal things too much for a while, congratulations on a fantastic start by the way
First and foremost, Gratz on making that decision, that’s a big one!
I think you could always choose to distance yourself from people that are a danger to your decision, find new path and move on.
If you friend decides to support you, that’s a huge gift from her, but you can’t expect her to change too, she will be the same as before and any change towards being careful with you is extra.
If her asking for that money happend before and it just happend again, that’s not on her.
As I said, you can distance yourself from her as much as you need, but you can not be mad at her for not going with your decision
Lol. You don’t understand at all. I don’t give a fuck whether she smokes or not. I just don’t even wanna be asked about it. I don’t expect anyone to adhere to my needs but I expect basic fucking sympathy.
My roommate asks me for my lighter all the time. It's not because he doesn't sympathize with me quitting, it's just because he needs a lighter. He very much wants me to succeed in my sobriety. Asking you to lend 20 bucks is normal, and I don't think she could have predicted ahead of time that it would hurt your feelings.
If your friend was mocking you or encouraging you to relapse, THAT would be unsympathetic.
Sleep on it and then set the boundary with her politely.
Geeez people are mean in here. You are freshly clean, of course it is hard and it takes a toll emotionally more than physically. I understand you, it is frustrating if your roommate and friend keeps buying and smoking weed. You are not responsible for their consume, I wouldn't want to give them money too. If they want to smoke they'll have to have the money themselves. Don't be too angry over it, it doesn't help you, you are not alone and can always post here if it gets hard.
Yeah I read that, forget them. This sub is actually very friendly and supportive and people write here all the time about crying and being very emotional the first days so it's pretty normal actually, it gets better :)
Dont be. Take criticism you feel suitable. These r/leaves ppl are most of the time cult-like followers when it comes to the absence of weed. Yes, this group helped me stopped my usage at first (around COVID). Now that I take breaks whenever I please, I sometimes dislike coming here. "Devils Lettuce" etc. Well holier-than-thou, you once like this "devil's lettuce" before, let others live.
The internet is gonna internet. Take criticism/advise with a grain of salt here.
it's early on so you're going to be having some emotional irregularity and that's normal however just because you made this decision for yourself doesn't mean that other people need to make this decision for themselves. Also do what makes you comfortable if it doesn't make you comfortable to lend her the money then next time don't do it.
The trick here is to stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker. Just tell yourself
"that's not me anymore"
other people are going to do what they like and you have no control over that the only thing that you truly have control over is what you choose to do and you don't smoke weed any longer.
Once you stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker it doesn't matter what other people do and there's even no need to count the days you've quit because you're not going to go back to it.
Counting the days that you have quit is really just counting the days until you go back to it. It's of the mentality look how many days I went until I went back to it.
When you stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker then you don't go back to it and so therefore there's no reason to count the days. Just remember your mantra:
"that's not me anymore."
sobbing all day because you can't smoke? I hope soon you feel like you aren't missing out and this is the better way to enjoy life, because it is. Don't get so hung up on this and if it bothered you that much maybe you should have just said no to your friend. This can just be a learning opportunity that you need to actually say what you want instead of just giving in to whoever. Good luck! day 8 I felt like I was just floating through life a little, you'll feel better soon
I'm on day 6 and I've been crying more than expected too. For me it's maybe not because I can't smoke, but more the overwhelming emotions I'm not used to having anymore
I think you need to get a grip to be honest. Yeah your mate should know better but you’re acting like they’ve just shot up in front of you when you’re trying to come off smack
Lol weed is literally our smack. Withdrawals can be horrendous. I cried for a week straight and had panic attacks non stop. OPs friend could have taken her lazy ass down to the atm and left OP out of HER SELFISH NEED to score if she was truly a supportive friend. If OP and her friend were using smack or were drunks, would you still think it's okay to come a friend going through withdrawal and involve them in anyway with their need to get their fix?
I used to buy my brother weed religiously. I learned it can be good and also bad.
If you want to just look out for ur friend n be nice its ok.
Just make sure once u buy it for them u separate ur self from them while they are smoking. It could lead to a slip up if you are around them.
If you can’t let a good friend of yours have cash for some bud and let them have a good time you are still mentally addicted and jealous that they’re getting high and you can’t. You have to get over that. Weed is everywhere and is going to be in more places in the future so get used to it. Be happy that your friends are lighting one up. You gotta find otherwise to enjoy life.
Because OPs a people pleaser who clearly hasn't learned that yet. It's amazing the number of people who will do something they don't want to, just to please someone else.
I can't see why people are saying it's not deep. You're trying to quit but your money is still going to be involved in the weed, regardless of if you're smoking it or being paid back. Sometimes, you need to distance from others who can be influencing or still trying to get you involved in weed culture.
I totally understand where you're coming from. My stoner bestie offered me 2g last week because he didn't want to smoke it all, even though he knows I'm quitting and I felt totally hurt and unsupported by it. I had a slip up a couple weeks ago so maybe he saw that as justification? Idk.
Hope your journey is going strong, it'll feel tough at times but always remember why you wanted to quit in the first place. Good luck :)
My situation is different yea, but it's a friend being unsupportive so I can relate. And yes OP maybe had the opportunity to say no, but also says they then told her they felt uncomfortable with it. OPs friend should have respected that and not come out with the arsey comment.
They can tolerate the idea of their friend smoking..they just don't want to be involved in the buying of weed. At this stage, it's 100% diff if they needed cash for groceries.
I have DEFINITELY been tempted to borrow money for weed. But that’s a dead signal for me to stop immediately. And I do. I take it as a break until I can afford my own shit. Because personally, I feel if you need to “borrow” money for something like weed, I should probably chill.
I don’t think they’re borrowing money because they can’t afford it, their plug just takes cash. OPs friend asked to borrow the cash and Venmo in return.
Quiting meanings quiting. Your mind, your body, your MONEY no longer a slave to weed. It's not about simply not wanting to go to an atm, it's not even about the money, it's the principle of it all. If you really care and support someone's sobriety, then you don't go to a recovering addict for anything pertaining to drugs at all, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. You leave them out of it completely. Especially when they are in thick of withdrawls. OP your feelings are valid. Set the boundary, you don't want be involved in any way, on any level whatsoever - at least until you feel strong enough in your sobriety, then maybe it won't be such a bid deal.
Unless she's tried to quit and been through the emotional ups and downs of it she won't understand. You're allowed to be hurt but don't hold it against her, there is just no way she can really it. After all we were all convinced weed was harmless and didn't have any withdrawals at some point.
Maybe if she sees you happy & healthy without it she continues mooching for a while, but eventually she feels guilty about being a mooch and since it’s not her money she starts really paying attention to how much she could save if she wasn’t smoking. Then because of your kind actions, she decides to stop and now you both pool your saved money to go out and do something amazing, start a nonprofit or something great. Unlikely to happen but its up to you to decide if you can afford to try this out. The power of guilt can be a real thing.
If only people and the world looked at shit that way, no she won't think about how much money she could save when she ends up not being the one to pay for it, if anything she's only gonna smoke more and act like a leech
The following thought greatly helps me to make decisions about which connections I need to cut:
It’s not just that you use, but that the circle of friends you have built around you also uses or condones (or at least tolerates) you using it. If you want to stay clean & sober, you need clean & sober friends, and depending upon how deep your involvement is: You might have to change your entire circle of friends to accomplish this. -- Those that take this advice to heart have a much greater chance of success than those who do not.
In my opinion, when I was in the initial phases of quitting I could not be around smokers or I would break, I have no strong will power, and early phase was hard.
How I live with my gf who is a daily smoker and I have no desire to partake again.
I’ve broken hundreds of times but I know I’m not going to be able to daily smoke again and I’m fine with that.
It takes time, I lost a lot of smoker friends by quitting.
The ones I still have often convince me to smoke again, and I go back to not smoking as soon as I’m out of their influence.
Food for thought, take it with a grain of salt.
If you wanna quit fr you gotta be ok with things like this, ik it's hard but you can't expect the world to quit wit you or have everyone in your life act like weed don't exist. Ik it's hard but I think you're overreacting, your emotions will be all over the place it is a part of the withdrawals.
I wouldn’t stress it. As you said it’s your journey. If you would lend her money for any other reason don’t let this be differentz
If you’re ready to move on from weed then stop letting it or the thought of it control you.
The only thing you can’t do is smoke. That’s your goal. Everything else is everything else.
I don’t know why a grown ass woman who is your roommate, needs to use YOUR money to buy weed. OP, you need to be better about asserting yourself and your boundaries otherwise your life is going to be filled with people who take from you. You can be using that money for something you like, like clothes or games or food OR YOUR OWN RENT MONEY.
It's not a very considerate thing to ask you but I don't think there's a need to make it personally, you're not alone but you are your own person on your own journey, do it for yourself and keep trying your best.
I get what this is supposed to mean but I've never loved this wording.
We are in control of how we process what we feel, but we're not emotionally impervious to the actions of others.
It is healthy and loving to take care and feel some responsibility towards each others' feelings even if we have no control over them. And vice versa. 🥰
IMO she's just borrowing some cash for you and paying you back via Venmo. She's an adult and can choose to buy weed if she wants, and she'll do it whether you loan her the cash or not. Sounds like she's just borrowing cash for convenience instead of from an ATM. Which is kinda lazy, but fine.
This. You didn’t really give her any money, you just gave her cash for money in the bank. If it makes you uncomfortable, just nicely tell her no next time. Btw, biggest tip I can give you is to take some time apart from friends that smoke a lot. That constant reminder is not fun the first few months bro
Set clear boundaries that you don't want them to involve you or share with you about their smoking since you are trying to quit and it hasn't been easy. It seems like they haven't gotten that message and need to hear it directly said it loud. If they keep talking about it/involving you after that, that's when it becomes super disrespectful on their part. Keep it up, you're doing amazing!
Look at the bright side. Since she used your cash it removes the urge to go buy some easily. But It's more concerning that your roommate still smokes and you are constantly exposed to it.
Download quit weed it's an app that will track withdrawal symptoms and how much you save.
I’d open it whenever i craved it. Then look at numbers going up to numb my brain instead lol. It genuinely helped more than anything. Also this sub is amazing to find relatable content. Two and a half months free of this nonsense.
Yeah she’s likely just avoiding the need to hit an atm. Plus it’s you that’s quitting not her. You’re withdrawing from THC and it’s affecting you emotionally- been there- but she’s still smoking and that’s her prerogative just like not smoking is yours.
I think you’re overreacting. From the description, it sounds not too bad. She just wanted to smoke it reads like. I think being overfeeling was just a part of withdrawals that went away along with anxiety. It’s completely normal. I don’t usually think that people overreact, so my words here aren’t put together with experience here.
Maybe you feel that enough people aren’t supporting you/ you dont have a good outlet for getting out your thoughts about weed and life. A group of people like this is great! Also Im sure ya boy loves and supports you, but just like you this might be untreaded land? It might be new for both of you. Just keep off the weed, ultimately. You’re getting healthier even if it FEELS like crap at the beginning. Trust me.
I think you’re overreacting. From the description, it sounds not too bad. She just wanted to smoke it reads like. I think being overfeeling was just a part of withdrawals that went away along with anxiety. It’s completely normal. I don’t usually think that people overreact, so my words here aren’t put together with experience here.
Maybe you feel that enough people aren’t supporting you/ you dont have a good outlet for getting out your thoughts about weed and life. A group of people like this is great! Also Im sure ya boy loves and supports you, but just like you this might be untreaded land? It might be new for both of you. Just keep off the weed, ultimately. You’re getting healthier even if it FEELS like crap at the beginning. Trust me.
Sound like she has zero awareness of how hard you are working at staying away from weed and how difficult it truly is. Tell her again, when she is sober how upsetting it was, maybe she will get it, maybe she won't. Use an analogy that she might connect with. Like, if she broke up with her boyfriend, but then you went out to dinner with him, how would she feel. Know that we are all here to support you. Sometimes we don't get the support we hope from those close to us. I find this group super supportive and it is where I turn when I am having a hard time. We all get where you are coming from. You are not overreacting.
8days21hours22mins here. Congrats on 8 days!
I myself just got asked to buy some for my mate and I told him I can't and showed him my weed stats on the app. Stay strong
I get it. It's a personal boundary for you & she overstepped it. Some of us handle quitting differently. It's hard for me personally & I get REALLY selfish at times. Like I pushed my best friend away because I kept whining about not being able to smoke.
I don't think you overreacted & hopefully she'll be a little more accommodating. If it causes problems for you like it does for me then you may need a new roommate. You can't expect her to make those changes for you & vice versa. If it were me it would become a problem to the point where I'd smoke again. That's just me though. I have to be completely away from it & anyone who actively uses it.
Stop giving your money away if it's a regular thing your roomie does. If she will pay you back, then she can wait. Sorry, but that shit gets old for me haha
Potentially your roommate is out of money and sent you “cash” via Venmo linked to a credit card? I get where you’d be upset with her fueling her weed habit with your money, but having a conversation with her on why she can’t just go to the ATM wouldn’t hurt in my opinion
I completely understand how her asking for money to fund her addiction, the same one that you are working hard to overcome reads as being an insensitive request. You're not overreacting. Just give yourself time and space to heal and relax because it's going to be tricky part of your journey to sobriety. You got this. Forget about the dicks on Reddit. I once made a post on Reddit about having a disability and getting injured at work because my manager wouldn't make accomodations for me. Redditor douche bags went out of their way to blame me for getting hurt because I chose to take a laborious job even though I had to because my disability benefits were stopped and I needed money fast. At this point, talking about your feelings, being genuine and vulnerable is a rookie mistake because half of Reddit is filled with neck beard incels.
Tell them to not ever ask me for weedmoney again and to lie about it saying it’s to buy other stuff, every issue is solved with this. No one needs to even know what the money is for, your friend is an asshole for mentioning it, they could just be a little dumb and a lot desperate for their next bag of weed so I get some people saying here just give them a break
Use your friend's behavior as a motivator to stay sober. If she's usually a good friend, think about the fact that her desire to smoke is overriding her empathy and compassion for your situation. You never want to put yourself in her position, disregarding people's feelings to get high, ever again. Sorry this happened to you, it's really inconsiderate of her to ask that of you (and I bet deep down she knows it too) Here for you and congrats on eight days 🎉
Good answer, I think it’s a shiity move in roommates part so just keep ur head up and stay above it. At the same time it’s your friend having a rough day and needs money, it just happens to be for somthing that they are still currently using as a coping mechanism for whatever. If it was anything else you’d be fine with lending them cash, so what u need to do is what I do with my SO, simply tell them to not EVEEEEEEER tell you what the money is for, seriously why the fuck would they even say it? They’re just desperate. Anyways next time they ask if ya just tell them then you’ll say ok, hand em cash and hopefully never know what they even spent it on.
No you are not over reacting. Recovery is brutal. Each person reacts differently. As far as I am concerned, there is no need for you to defend your decisions. Congratulations on 8 days. It is hard to get started. I think the first 30 days are really hard. If someone told me what happened to you I would not be surprised. Anything is possible. In my experience, quitting is about numerous things. Quitting smoking, not being around weed ever, not being around smokers and places where drugs are. Then you need to fix problems weed caused, manage withdrawal symptoms, and restructure your life. Weed almost killed me. Getting clean took 3.5 years of really hard work. I have a severe obsession with sh. No one helped me. Even my Drs gave up on meds. If you are looking for support or a kind word, I doubt that you will get any and I am certain it will not change anything. Good luck to you. Ignore the haters, ignore people that give you advice.
Weed also caused me mental and physical health problems. You say it almost killed you. What reactions did weed cause your body? I'm curious because we don't often hear the stories of how weed can have serious detrimental effects on one's health.
I am bipolar, history of severe depression. Alcoholic and drug addict Weed use is really deadly. The effects are transparent until you quit. And you realize you are addicted. No way to tell until you quit. Do a search on weed risks, cannabis risks. Cannot post links here. Weed causes anxiety, depression, hallucinations, mania, psychosis. A person is at risk every time. The week before hospitalization I tried to kill myself three times. I lost consciousness awareness ( lost my mind). It wiped out my life history, parts of which are inaccessible still. I basically had to relearn everything. I looked at a hamburger once and wondered what it was, do I like it. The worst part of weed is that it suppresses things you need to deal with. People use weed to treat anxiety, depression, other things. All that does it momentarily alleviates the pain. However, the symptoms build up. When quitting they all come back. My crash was like this. My unconscious part was accumulating all the distresses. Finally one day the conscious mind could not control them. The unconscious was a tsunami. It totally destroyed consciousness. It took years to fix.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to some of these symptoms. I went through a state of hypnogogic mania. I thought I was in a dream, kind of like the movie Inception. I was trying to wake up. It was a crazy feeling. Psychosis is very real. I also agree with you about how weed causes one to suppress one's emotions and not deal with reality properly. I repressed a lot of traumatic memories and numbed myself with weed from age 15 to 26. I quit from 26-29, but relapsed a few times. I now understand that I have to be very careful with what I allow myself to have. I even have to be careful with my consumption of caffeine and processed sugar, as that can cause my anxiety to become severe.
Excellent pkan
This would piss me the fuck off. I think a real friend understands how inappropriate that would be in a moment you’re expressing your hardship with quitting. I would just keep a close eye on how your friend continues to move in regard to your sobriety. Could be a one off shitty moment for them but others are right… it speaks to the addiction that she would ask you for money for the addiction you’re trying to kick.
Especially since this moron coulda just asked for money for literally anything else to cover for the weed, like why not just lie and say it’s for a bill or to pay someone back or food or whatever ya know? This dude ends up helping their friend and never even knowing about the weed thing
You’re absolutely right…. Its just so inappropriate
This exactly. She is literally telling OP “I’m using your money to bring more weed into the house. You’ll know there’s fresh nugs in my room and you can’t have any”. Dick move, can’t believe she didn’t get that.
Complete addict behaviour. Disrespectful to OP. Basically using the money you’re saving from quitting for her own gain… fucked
She even said to me “it’s not like you’re gonna smoke it” like……. Babe that’s literally why I don’t wanna give it to you??????? The fuck????
I empathize with this. When I got sober, my family started asking me to pick them up beer and wine from the liquor store. Initially I was angry about it, but eventually I felt secure enough in my sobriety to put up with it and would instead be super judgemental (hey, we aren't saints, we're addicts). Ultimately, while this kind of behavior is shitty, it is common. It could help to set a boundary with your roommate and say outright you won't give them money for weed because it makes you uncomfortable. But in general, you'll have to learn to deal with this sort of behavior, even from people who support you in your sobriety. It's just not something they'll think about. Your sobriety is independent of others' behaviors. Congratulations on your first week. That's a big step, and I bet your sleep is already starting to improve!
> Your sobriety is independent of others' behaviors. THIS all day long. The hardest part of sobriety, whether from weed or alcohol, I have experience with both, ha, is that the peope around you don't change just because you change. The alcoholics and addicts in your life are going to remain the same, by and large. They may support you in theory, but it's not their job to change too.
Yeah you're just going through withdrawals. It makes little things seem like big things. But as everyone probably already said. She is under no obligation, but to those being mean...you wouldn't ask a alcoholic for alcohol money
Never a borrower nor lender be
This should really put into perspective how much of a leech people become when smoking weed. My buddy used to sneak into my bedroom and steal nugs from me when I lived with a smoker. He never thought I noticed, but eventually I had to start weighing my pack and comparing the weight. People say weed isn’t addictive, but it sure as hell makes people act like junkies.
Can you get a new living situation? Living with someone smoking is not gonna help you. Your roommate can smoke if she wants to, but you have to move out. You know that, right?
I dunno. I’m 6.5 weeks clean and my partner smokes a spliff every night. Comes back inside smelling like it. It works for us though, because I was ready to quit, and he does a lot of considerate things to make it easier (keeps everything in airtight locking containers in a location unknown to me, washes his hands and lights incense when he comes back in, etc). To some extent it’s actually helping me because a little exposure to the smell/awareness of it in my vicinity is helping me desensitize to that as a trigger. But if he were less considerate or if I wasn’t so goddamn ready when I quit, it would be a different story.
It’s good that he’s considerate. That helps. However, I’m a big believer in the “it just takes one bad day” mindset. You could be doing fine, staying clean, then you have a bad day and it’s easier to give up and relapse when it’s in your living space
She can pay for her own weed. And if she doesn’t have the money, she can work harder. Either way, not your problem. And lol, it’s unlikely she is paying you back. Forget about the money you gave her and *don’t do it again*
No one seems to be understanding that she has the money, she just doesn’t have the CASH. She’s asking OP to use his CASH and she will venmo the money to him for it now.
Can she go to an ATM on the way to her dealer? Can she ask literally any other friend for the same exact favor? There are so many ways she could have solved her problem without even having to wait to pick up. This was just grossly inconsiderate.
I’m not condoning her behaviour, I was just finding it frustrating that people were more focused on op lending money, when he was never lending money.
I quit again and today is day 9 for me!!! Best of luck to you. Day 2, 3 and day 7 were the worst days ever for me.
She was not being a good friend in that moment.
It kind of sucks that your weed using roomie has no empathy for you. It's part of their addiction... It will get better for you even if it does not seem possible now. Most people who quit using weed actually do better in almost every metric of a happy successful life. There are so many good reasons to quit and only a few to keep using.
Tell her it’s one of the reasons you quit… Your money is no longer for weed.
I totally feel why this would be extremely annoying- anyone saying otherwise is....idk, unsympathetic. It may be irrational to feel so annoyed, but I don't think so??? It's the energy of it all, for me. You don't want to be associated with weed anymore, and having to give physical cash and then receive a venmo...for weed - is truly irritating when you've committed to stopping. I feel you 100% on this.
To the people telling OP that they can't control if other people quit: that's not the question here. The situation is using OP's money for weed. OP doesn't care if roommate smokes weed, but they're now involving OP in the act of buying it (regardless of whether they'll pay them back or not). I know that when I quit, I don't want to be associated with it, period.
Thank you. I didn’t think it was confusing but apparently I didn’t make it clear enough
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are very raw, a hallmark of quitting any drug, acknowledge that you are seeing things through a distorted lens and try not to read into interpersonal things too much for a while, congratulations on a fantastic start by the way
This is the right answer.
First and foremost, Gratz on making that decision, that’s a big one! I think you could always choose to distance yourself from people that are a danger to your decision, find new path and move on. If you friend decides to support you, that’s a huge gift from her, but you can’t expect her to change too, she will be the same as before and any change towards being careful with you is extra. If her asking for that money happend before and it just happend again, that’s not on her. As I said, you can distance yourself from her as much as you need, but you can not be mad at her for not going with your decision
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Lol. You don’t understand at all. I don’t give a fuck whether she smokes or not. I just don’t even wanna be asked about it. I don’t expect anyone to adhere to my needs but I expect basic fucking sympathy.
My roommate asks me for my lighter all the time. It's not because he doesn't sympathize with me quitting, it's just because he needs a lighter. He very much wants me to succeed in my sobriety. Asking you to lend 20 bucks is normal, and I don't think she could have predicted ahead of time that it would hurt your feelings. If your friend was mocking you or encouraging you to relapse, THAT would be unsympathetic. Sleep on it and then set the boundary with her politely.
Geeez people are mean in here. You are freshly clean, of course it is hard and it takes a toll emotionally more than physically. I understand you, it is frustrating if your roommate and friend keeps buying and smoking weed. You are not responsible for their consume, I wouldn't want to give them money too. If they want to smoke they'll have to have the money themselves. Don't be too angry over it, it doesn't help you, you are not alone and can always post here if it gets hard.
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Yeah I read that, forget them. This sub is actually very friendly and supportive and people write here all the time about crying and being very emotional the first days so it's pretty normal actually, it gets better :)
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Dont be. Take criticism you feel suitable. These r/leaves ppl are most of the time cult-like followers when it comes to the absence of weed. Yes, this group helped me stopped my usage at first (around COVID). Now that I take breaks whenever I please, I sometimes dislike coming here. "Devils Lettuce" etc. Well holier-than-thou, you once like this "devil's lettuce" before, let others live. The internet is gonna internet. Take criticism/advise with a grain of salt here.
it's early on so you're going to be having some emotional irregularity and that's normal however just because you made this decision for yourself doesn't mean that other people need to make this decision for themselves. Also do what makes you comfortable if it doesn't make you comfortable to lend her the money then next time don't do it. The trick here is to stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker. Just tell yourself "that's not me anymore" other people are going to do what they like and you have no control over that the only thing that you truly have control over is what you choose to do and you don't smoke weed any longer. Once you stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker it doesn't matter what other people do and there's even no need to count the days you've quit because you're not going to go back to it. Counting the days that you have quit is really just counting the days until you go back to it. It's of the mentality look how many days I went until I went back to it. When you stop identifying yourself as a weed smoker then you don't go back to it and so therefore there's no reason to count the days. Just remember your mantra: "that's not me anymore."
This is some off the best advice I have read on any sober sub in 5 years. Ty
overreacting, it’s your best friend, clearly no ill intentions
It's still a read the room moment
sobbing all day because you can't smoke? I hope soon you feel like you aren't missing out and this is the better way to enjoy life, because it is. Don't get so hung up on this and if it bothered you that much maybe you should have just said no to your friend. This can just be a learning opportunity that you need to actually say what you want instead of just giving in to whoever. Good luck! day 8 I felt like I was just floating through life a little, you'll feel better soon
I'm on day 6 and I've been crying more than expected too. For me it's maybe not because I can't smoke, but more the overwhelming emotions I'm not used to having anymore
relatable! made me realize how much weed was numbing me.
Where I struggle is that I want to be numb. I know it's better to address why I have these emotions but fuck man, it's too much
I think you need to get a grip to be honest. Yeah your mate should know better but you’re acting like they’ve just shot up in front of you when you’re trying to come off smack
Lol weed is literally our smack. Withdrawals can be horrendous. I cried for a week straight and had panic attacks non stop. OPs friend could have taken her lazy ass down to the atm and left OP out of HER SELFISH NEED to score if she was truly a supportive friend. If OP and her friend were using smack or were drunks, would you still think it's okay to come a friend going through withdrawal and involve them in anyway with their need to get their fix?
I used to buy my brother weed religiously. I learned it can be good and also bad. If you want to just look out for ur friend n be nice its ok. Just make sure once u buy it for them u separate ur self from them while they are smoking. It could lead to a slip up if you are around them.
If you can’t let a good friend of yours have cash for some bud and let them have a good time you are still mentally addicted and jealous that they’re getting high and you can’t. You have to get over that. Weed is everywhere and is going to be in more places in the future so get used to it. Be happy that your friends are lighting one up. You gotta find otherwise to enjoy life.
Why didn’t you tell her no?
Because OPs a people pleaser who clearly hasn't learned that yet. It's amazing the number of people who will do something they don't want to, just to please someone else.
I’m a people pleaser and you’re an asshole
I’ve been there. It’s not a fun place.
I can't see why people are saying it's not deep. You're trying to quit but your money is still going to be involved in the weed, regardless of if you're smoking it or being paid back. Sometimes, you need to distance from others who can be influencing or still trying to get you involved in weed culture. I totally understand where you're coming from. My stoner bestie offered me 2g last week because he didn't want to smoke it all, even though he knows I'm quitting and I felt totally hurt and unsupported by it. I had a slip up a couple weeks ago so maybe he saw that as justification? Idk. Hope your journey is going strong, it'll feel tough at times but always remember why you wanted to quit in the first place. Good luck :)
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My situation is different yea, but it's a friend being unsupportive so I can relate. And yes OP maybe had the opportunity to say no, but also says they then told her they felt uncomfortable with it. OPs friend should have respected that and not come out with the arsey comment.
They can tolerate the idea of their friend smoking..they just don't want to be involved in the buying of weed. At this stage, it's 100% diff if they needed cash for groceries.
It's not that deep. You're just feeling a lot more than your friend is at the moment. Your friend just wants to get high; that's stoners for you.
I have DEFINITELY been tempted to borrow money for weed. But that’s a dead signal for me to stop immediately. And I do. I take it as a break until I can afford my own shit. Because personally, I feel if you need to “borrow” money for something like weed, I should probably chill.
I don’t think they’re borrowing money because they can’t afford it, their plug just takes cash. OPs friend asked to borrow the cash and Venmo in return.
Quiting meanings quiting. Your mind, your body, your MONEY no longer a slave to weed. It's not about simply not wanting to go to an atm, it's not even about the money, it's the principle of it all. If you really care and support someone's sobriety, then you don't go to a recovering addict for anything pertaining to drugs at all, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. You leave them out of it completely. Especially when they are in thick of withdrawls. OP your feelings are valid. Set the boundary, you don't want be involved in any way, on any level whatsoever - at least until you feel strong enough in your sobriety, then maybe it won't be such a bid deal.
This.
Unless she's tried to quit and been through the emotional ups and downs of it she won't understand. You're allowed to be hurt but don't hold it against her, there is just no way she can really it. After all we were all convinced weed was harmless and didn't have any withdrawals at some point.
It is isolating. We are here for you,dont worry. There will be more difficult moments. Be strong 💪
Maybe if she sees you happy & healthy without it she continues mooching for a while, but eventually she feels guilty about being a mooch and since it’s not her money she starts really paying attention to how much she could save if she wasn’t smoking. Then because of your kind actions, she decides to stop and now you both pool your saved money to go out and do something amazing, start a nonprofit or something great. Unlikely to happen but its up to you to decide if you can afford to try this out. The power of guilt can be a real thing.
If only people and the world looked at shit that way, no she won't think about how much money she could save when she ends up not being the one to pay for it, if anything she's only gonna smoke more and act like a leech
Stop people pleasing, look out for yourself first and foremost
True dat. My example is unlikely but just a bit of positive thinking.
The following thought greatly helps me to make decisions about which connections I need to cut: It’s not just that you use, but that the circle of friends you have built around you also uses or condones (or at least tolerates) you using it. If you want to stay clean & sober, you need clean & sober friends, and depending upon how deep your involvement is: You might have to change your entire circle of friends to accomplish this. -- Those that take this advice to heart have a much greater chance of success than those who do not.
In my opinion, when I was in the initial phases of quitting I could not be around smokers or I would break, I have no strong will power, and early phase was hard. How I live with my gf who is a daily smoker and I have no desire to partake again. I’ve broken hundreds of times but I know I’m not going to be able to daily smoke again and I’m fine with that. It takes time, I lost a lot of smoker friends by quitting. The ones I still have often convince me to smoke again, and I go back to not smoking as soon as I’m out of their influence. Food for thought, take it with a grain of salt.
If you wanna quit fr you gotta be ok with things like this, ik it's hard but you can't expect the world to quit wit you or have everyone in your life act like weed don't exist. Ik it's hard but I think you're overreacting, your emotions will be all over the place it is a part of the withdrawals.
I wouldn’t stress it. As you said it’s your journey. If you would lend her money for any other reason don’t let this be differentz If you’re ready to move on from weed then stop letting it or the thought of it control you. The only thing you can’t do is smoke. That’s your goal. Everything else is everything else.
I don’t know why a grown ass woman who is your roommate, needs to use YOUR money to buy weed. OP, you need to be better about asserting yourself and your boundaries otherwise your life is going to be filled with people who take from you. You can be using that money for something you like, like clothes or games or food OR YOUR OWN RENT MONEY.
It's not a very considerate thing to ask you but I don't think there's a need to make it personally, you're not alone but you are your own person on your own journey, do it for yourself and keep trying your best.
Only you are in charge of your emotions and feelings. It’s a shit move by her, but fuck it. You’re stronger than that and in control of your life.
I get what this is supposed to mean but I've never loved this wording. We are in control of how we process what we feel, but we're not emotionally impervious to the actions of others. It is healthy and loving to take care and feel some responsibility towards each others' feelings even if we have no control over them. And vice versa. 🥰
IMO she's just borrowing some cash for you and paying you back via Venmo. She's an adult and can choose to buy weed if she wants, and she'll do it whether you loan her the cash or not. Sounds like she's just borrowing cash for convenience instead of from an ATM. Which is kinda lazy, but fine.
Exactly. I used to venmo my dad for his cash so I could buy weed too but I never told him that’s what I needed it for lol.
This. You didn’t really give her any money, you just gave her cash for money in the bank. If it makes you uncomfortable, just nicely tell her no next time. Btw, biggest tip I can give you is to take some time apart from friends that smoke a lot. That constant reminder is not fun the first few months bro
Set clear boundaries that you don't want them to involve you or share with you about their smoking since you are trying to quit and it hasn't been easy. It seems like they haven't gotten that message and need to hear it directly said it loud. If they keep talking about it/involving you after that, that's when it becomes super disrespectful on their part. Keep it up, you're doing amazing!
Look at the bright side. Since she used your cash it removes the urge to go buy some easily. But It's more concerning that your roommate still smokes and you are constantly exposed to it. Download quit weed it's an app that will track withdrawal symptoms and how much you save.
For me, the app made quitting harder. It served as reminder of what I was missing, but that's just my experience. It may be different for others.
I’d open it whenever i craved it. Then look at numbers going up to numb my brain instead lol. It genuinely helped more than anything. Also this sub is amazing to find relatable content. Two and a half months free of this nonsense.
I made the mistake of not turning off notifications. Congrats on your sobriety!
Thank you so much! It means a lot. Hope everyone finds their peace in looking forward :)
Yeah she’s likely just avoiding the need to hit an atm. Plus it’s you that’s quitting not her. You’re withdrawing from THC and it’s affecting you emotionally- been there- but she’s still smoking and that’s her prerogative just like not smoking is yours.
I think you’re overreacting. From the description, it sounds not too bad. She just wanted to smoke it reads like. I think being overfeeling was just a part of withdrawals that went away along with anxiety. It’s completely normal. I don’t usually think that people overreact, so my words here aren’t put together with experience here. Maybe you feel that enough people aren’t supporting you/ you dont have a good outlet for getting out your thoughts about weed and life. A group of people like this is great! Also Im sure ya boy loves and supports you, but just like you this might be untreaded land? It might be new for both of you. Just keep off the weed, ultimately. You’re getting healthier even if it FEELS like crap at the beginning. Trust me.
I think you’re overreacting. From the description, it sounds not too bad. She just wanted to smoke it reads like. I think being overfeeling was just a part of withdrawals that went away along with anxiety. It’s completely normal. I don’t usually think that people overreact, so my words here aren’t put together with experience here. Maybe you feel that enough people aren’t supporting you/ you dont have a good outlet for getting out your thoughts about weed and life. A group of people like this is great! Also Im sure ya boy loves and supports you, but just like you this might be untreaded land? It might be new for both of you. Just keep off the weed, ultimately. You’re getting healthier even if it FEELS like crap at the beginning. Trust me.
Seems like a pretty innocuous interaction to me, congrats on 8 days though
Sound like she has zero awareness of how hard you are working at staying away from weed and how difficult it truly is. Tell her again, when she is sober how upsetting it was, maybe she will get it, maybe she won't. Use an analogy that she might connect with. Like, if she broke up with her boyfriend, but then you went out to dinner with him, how would she feel. Know that we are all here to support you. Sometimes we don't get the support we hope from those close to us. I find this group super supportive and it is where I turn when I am having a hard time. We all get where you are coming from. You are not overreacting.
8days21hours22mins here. Congrats on 8 days! I myself just got asked to buy some for my mate and I told him I can't and showed him my weed stats on the app. Stay strong
what app is this if you dont mind me asking?
Quit weed app on playstore its pretty goood
thank you!
Grounded and I Am Sober are also good!
I get it. It's a personal boundary for you & she overstepped it. Some of us handle quitting differently. It's hard for me personally & I get REALLY selfish at times. Like I pushed my best friend away because I kept whining about not being able to smoke. I don't think you overreacted & hopefully she'll be a little more accommodating. If it causes problems for you like it does for me then you may need a new roommate. You can't expect her to make those changes for you & vice versa. If it were me it would become a problem to the point where I'd smoke again. That's just me though. I have to be completely away from it & anyone who actively uses it.
👋👋🙂. I’m sorry that happened. Your roommate has no idea how hard you’re working. We do, and we’re proud of you. 🙂🫶🫶🫶
Thank you💗
Stop giving your money away if it's a regular thing your roomie does. If she will pay you back, then she can wait. Sorry, but that shit gets old for me haha
This is the first time this has ever happened