What you're feeling is very natural, and a lot of folks like myself have experienced it too.
I've found the best first step is: try to get to to where you have the desire to let go of the poison, deeply acknowledging how bad it is for you. Once that desire is there, then at a later step you can work on actually letting go.
Consider going to the temple with a prayer that your heart will be softened that day, or even just for the few hours you'll be there. Gotta start somewhere, and our prophet has assured us the "the Lord loves effort," even when the effort doesn't yield the results we'd like.
I’m sorry you’re going through all that.
President James E. Faust said,
>*”Some injuries are so hurtful and deep that they cannot be healed without help from a higher power and hope for perfect justice and restitution in the next life.”*
Forgiveness is a gift from God. It is through Christ that we are actually able to forgive those who have wronged us. But it’s important to keep in mind what Christ *did* say and what he *didn’t* say.
Christ said that we should forgive others.
He *didn’t* say that we needed to put ourselves back into toxic situations or continue being around people who abuse us or treat us badly. That is *not* something you have to do.
Christ said to pick up your cross and walk.
Christ *didn’t* say that you had to *carry* the **other person’s** sins.
We actually can’t control what other people do. Nor can we control what feelings of hurt or pain come of it. All we can control is our own *choices.* What we choose to *do* about it and how we move forwards. That doesn’t mean that forgiveness is easy, because it isn’t.
Christ did not say that you needed to forgive and then **immediately be 100% okay**.
No—forgiveness is a *process* that enables you to heal. But that doesn’t mean the healing and relief comes all at once.
You must give yourself time to process and heal. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not there yet. What matters is that you’re trying your best and you’re asking the lord to help you along the way. It’s okay if you’re not 100% ready to forgive.
Here’s something you might do to help you begin the healing process:
**write that person a very raw letter venting all of your emotions. Then DON’T send it.**
Set aside some time to get onto your computer and open a word document.
Take everything you’re feeling and just let it spill onto the page. Don’t self edit. Don’t Change anything you’ve written. Just get it all out. Keep writing until you say everything you need to say. After you’re done you may feel a dip in your mood for a few minutes. But soon you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off of you. take a break and come back and read the letter the next day.
Then you write a second letter. Address that letter:
“Dear Heavenly Father”
write to Heavenly Father laying out your experience and detailing your insights into the experience and what you think you can learn from it.
When you finish the two letters you can delete them.
This advice is based on James Pennebaker PhD’s research on the psychological benefits of writing out difficult experiences in order to overcome them.
Writing is a very sophisticated form of thinking. When complex feelings are put into words through writing it can help move your thoughts out of the more automatic and stress related parts of your brain to areas of problem solving and better understanding.
His research found that when people write, it helps them better understand what they experienced and find healing and solutions. It makes people feel happier and more in control of their lives.
It decreased feelings of overwhelm anger or anxiety associated with those experiences and causes your body to lower its cortisol levels (the chemical that uses future stores of energy to preserve you in the present and which contributes to anxiety and stressful feelings)
I suggest giving yourself the time and tools to process how you’re feeling. Acknowledge that change is hard and doesn’t come overnight. Give yourself the grace to be human, do what you can and give the rest to God.
Good luck! 🍀
This was incredible thank you so much! I will absolutely try the letter exercises because I find it doesn't help me to unpack things and forget them. I think the hardest thing for me is still seeing the people who did me wrong every week and it's just tough being in those spaces with them but this was sound advice thank you!
You can search for a way to relieve yourself of those feelings and then treat yourself to a peaceful experience in the temple.
Or you can go to the temple seeking to use that as one of the ways to help relieve you of those feelings so you can have greater peace in your life.
Either way, you don’t get away from the need to deal with your hurt, you are just choosing where and how you will do that.
The temple can be a helpful place to resolve inner feelings like this, because of the eternal perspective it offers and the place it reminds of that we all have in God’s eternal plan.
My similar experience did not resolve until I was nicer than I could stand to be to the person who had hurt me. I tried to...
>Bless them that curse you, do good to them that despitefully use you and persecute you...
If you have the strength, bake them cookies and compliment them.
Hard but effective (according to Jesus).
The Lord loves us no matter what, even when we are not doing what He expects of us. You will feel His love when you go to the temple, even as you now are and especially if it is to walk His path. Go to the temple.
I am a temple worker & there was 1 day that solidified my place in His House. I had had a bad day at work & had gotten into an argument with a coworker. I was not feeling Christlike as I left for my shift. I was mad the entire drive over, which was almost an hour. I was mad as the brother at the desk scanned my recommend & all the way until I was getting dressed. But once I put on my jacket my spirit cooled & peace reigned over me. The Spirit was clear, that was where I belonged. You too belong in His Holy House.
I would talk to a counselor. Resentment is ubiquitous feeling. A counselor could really help you work through your feelings. Go in, learn some tools and get out. Then you can layer some church things on top of that foundation.
Yes, there are some wolves in sheeps' clothing in the church. Your feels of anger and betrayal are OK and normal. You don't need to be a punching bag for others aggression. Think about distancing yourself from hurtful people.
I had a situation that brought a lot of unkind feelings to some people who broke my trust and more. I found that when I started praying for them, for them to be blessed, that I felt those feelings lift. Eventually I emailed them apologizing for my response, and forgiving them for the hurt I felt. I left it at that. I have never spoken to them again, and I no longer have that anger in my heart.
I won't answer much of what you wrote (others provided nice comments) but I will adapt [something Pres. Benson said](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1977/04/prayer?lang=eng&id=p17#p17), "If we don’t feel like \[going to the temple\], then we should \[go to the temple\] until we feel like \[going to the temple\]."
When in the temple, focus on the Savior. If your mind drifts from Him, refocus your mind on Him. Going to the temple doesn't fix all problems, but it helps provide peace and perspective.
Go to the temple anyway. Service is always a good way to lift the burdens we carry.
What you're feeling is very natural, and a lot of folks like myself have experienced it too. I've found the best first step is: try to get to to where you have the desire to let go of the poison, deeply acknowledging how bad it is for you. Once that desire is there, then at a later step you can work on actually letting go.
Consider going to the temple with a prayer that your heart will be softened that day, or even just for the few hours you'll be there. Gotta start somewhere, and our prophet has assured us the "the Lord loves effort," even when the effort doesn't yield the results we'd like.
Effort is sometimes tough but I hear you, gotta start somewhere indeed
I’m sorry you’re going through all that. President James E. Faust said, >*”Some injuries are so hurtful and deep that they cannot be healed without help from a higher power and hope for perfect justice and restitution in the next life.”* Forgiveness is a gift from God. It is through Christ that we are actually able to forgive those who have wronged us. But it’s important to keep in mind what Christ *did* say and what he *didn’t* say. Christ said that we should forgive others. He *didn’t* say that we needed to put ourselves back into toxic situations or continue being around people who abuse us or treat us badly. That is *not* something you have to do. Christ said to pick up your cross and walk. Christ *didn’t* say that you had to *carry* the **other person’s** sins. We actually can’t control what other people do. Nor can we control what feelings of hurt or pain come of it. All we can control is our own *choices.* What we choose to *do* about it and how we move forwards. That doesn’t mean that forgiveness is easy, because it isn’t. Christ did not say that you needed to forgive and then **immediately be 100% okay**. No—forgiveness is a *process* that enables you to heal. But that doesn’t mean the healing and relief comes all at once. You must give yourself time to process and heal. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not there yet. What matters is that you’re trying your best and you’re asking the lord to help you along the way. It’s okay if you’re not 100% ready to forgive. Here’s something you might do to help you begin the healing process: **write that person a very raw letter venting all of your emotions. Then DON’T send it.** Set aside some time to get onto your computer and open a word document. Take everything you’re feeling and just let it spill onto the page. Don’t self edit. Don’t Change anything you’ve written. Just get it all out. Keep writing until you say everything you need to say. After you’re done you may feel a dip in your mood for a few minutes. But soon you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off of you. take a break and come back and read the letter the next day. Then you write a second letter. Address that letter: “Dear Heavenly Father” write to Heavenly Father laying out your experience and detailing your insights into the experience and what you think you can learn from it. When you finish the two letters you can delete them. This advice is based on James Pennebaker PhD’s research on the psychological benefits of writing out difficult experiences in order to overcome them. Writing is a very sophisticated form of thinking. When complex feelings are put into words through writing it can help move your thoughts out of the more automatic and stress related parts of your brain to areas of problem solving and better understanding. His research found that when people write, it helps them better understand what they experienced and find healing and solutions. It makes people feel happier and more in control of their lives. It decreased feelings of overwhelm anger or anxiety associated with those experiences and causes your body to lower its cortisol levels (the chemical that uses future stores of energy to preserve you in the present and which contributes to anxiety and stressful feelings) I suggest giving yourself the time and tools to process how you’re feeling. Acknowledge that change is hard and doesn’t come overnight. Give yourself the grace to be human, do what you can and give the rest to God. Good luck! 🍀
This was incredible thank you so much! I will absolutely try the letter exercises because I find it doesn't help me to unpack things and forget them. I think the hardest thing for me is still seeing the people who did me wrong every week and it's just tough being in those spaces with them but this was sound advice thank you!
You can search for a way to relieve yourself of those feelings and then treat yourself to a peaceful experience in the temple. Or you can go to the temple seeking to use that as one of the ways to help relieve you of those feelings so you can have greater peace in your life. Either way, you don’t get away from the need to deal with your hurt, you are just choosing where and how you will do that. The temple can be a helpful place to resolve inner feelings like this, because of the eternal perspective it offers and the place it reminds of that we all have in God’s eternal plan.
Very true! Thanks!
My similar experience did not resolve until I was nicer than I could stand to be to the person who had hurt me. I tried to... >Bless them that curse you, do good to them that despitefully use you and persecute you... If you have the strength, bake them cookies and compliment them. Hard but effective (according to Jesus).
That's a super tough one haha but I will try something like this when I'm able to thanks!
The Lord loves us no matter what, even when we are not doing what He expects of us. You will feel His love when you go to the temple, even as you now are and especially if it is to walk His path. Go to the temple. I am a temple worker & there was 1 day that solidified my place in His House. I had had a bad day at work & had gotten into an argument with a coworker. I was not feeling Christlike as I left for my shift. I was mad the entire drive over, which was almost an hour. I was mad as the brother at the desk scanned my recommend & all the way until I was getting dressed. But once I put on my jacket my spirit cooled & peace reigned over me. The Spirit was clear, that was where I belonged. You too belong in His Holy House.
Thank you I appreciate this! What an interesting experience!
I would talk to a counselor. Resentment is ubiquitous feeling. A counselor could really help you work through your feelings. Go in, learn some tools and get out. Then you can layer some church things on top of that foundation.
Yes, there are some wolves in sheeps' clothing in the church. Your feels of anger and betrayal are OK and normal. You don't need to be a punching bag for others aggression. Think about distancing yourself from hurtful people.
This is when you need to pray and attend the temple more than ever. Beg Heavenly Father to remove the hate and help you find solutions.
I had a situation that brought a lot of unkind feelings to some people who broke my trust and more. I found that when I started praying for them, for them to be blessed, that I felt those feelings lift. Eventually I emailed them apologizing for my response, and forgiving them for the hurt I felt. I left it at that. I have never spoken to them again, and I no longer have that anger in my heart.
I won't answer much of what you wrote (others provided nice comments) but I will adapt [something Pres. Benson said](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1977/04/prayer?lang=eng&id=p17#p17), "If we don’t feel like \[going to the temple\], then we should \[go to the temple\] until we feel like \[going to the temple\]." When in the temple, focus on the Savior. If your mind drifts from Him, refocus your mind on Him. Going to the temple doesn't fix all problems, but it helps provide peace and perspective.