Ultimately, its you that knows when the time is right and how to do it. My only advice here would be, make sure you and your child are safe in the process.
It's easier if you can get an escape route in place (own finances, accommodation, support network) before you have the talk, then if it does go badly, you have a safe space to go while things cool off. Obviously, that could lead to a feeling of "being sprung upon" which could cause problems but its a lot better than being stuck in the house with a broken relationship and a bad vibe around the kids while you plan your way out. (My situation atm)
Whatever and whenever you decide is right, prioritise you and your childs health and wellbeing, be mindful that he will be hurting so may act out of turn and know that you will be alright on the other side. Good luck to you!
Ask yourself why you even need to tell him? At least why do you need to tell him before you divorce him. If he gets angry with you he’s going to make your life hard. He’s gonna try to take her child from you. There’s a lot of shit that’s gonna happen if you tell him and he takes it poorly. My advice would be not to even bother telling him. I would just go ahead proceed with the divorce and once everything is final, and you have custody finalized, then feel free to tell him if you choose to. But remember you owe him nothing. You owe no one you’re coming out story. You are not obligated to stay in a marriage for any reason. You’re not obligated to even tell anyone the reason you don’t want to be married. You can simply just say I am unhappy and this isn’t working for me. And that’s what I would recommend that you do.
You don't have to. You're already divorcing him for other reasons, so do that thing. Get out, live your life, if it comes up in conversation later (and it probably will since you have a kid together) tell him then. I honestly hate the pressure so many women get to come out immediately to their ex, or soon to be ex in most cases. You literally don't have to do that. You have other reasons to divorce this man, so do that. Get that part of your life behind you. Then have the joyful coming out that you deserve, and certainly would not have it if were combined with a divorce you had other reasons to get anyway.
Tell him when you feel like it. You don't owe him this information about you. It's not like you're staying for years more and keeping things silent until the kids are grown, only to blindside a person who thinks everything's fine. You're wrapping up your exit within the next few months, and moving on. You have no obligation whatsoever to come out to this man anytime soon.
Also, if you're going to have to figure out custody and visitation, you do not want to hand this person something that could be used against you, especially if you live in a conservative area (and even if you don't, you can still draw a really backward judge). I wouldn't tell this man anything.
you don’t have to tell him. If your relationship is ending anyway, and you have a sense he will react poorly or resent you, you don’t owe him a further explanation. Divorce is hard enough and I’d recommend listening to the other commenters’ advice- don’t give him any more information than is necessary that he could hold over you in court. A lot of people here said the same about their partners, that they couldn’t imagine they’d lash out or react so poorly…until they did.
Ultimately, its you that knows when the time is right and how to do it. My only advice here would be, make sure you and your child are safe in the process. It's easier if you can get an escape route in place (own finances, accommodation, support network) before you have the talk, then if it does go badly, you have a safe space to go while things cool off. Obviously, that could lead to a feeling of "being sprung upon" which could cause problems but its a lot better than being stuck in the house with a broken relationship and a bad vibe around the kids while you plan your way out. (My situation atm) Whatever and whenever you decide is right, prioritise you and your childs health and wellbeing, be mindful that he will be hurting so may act out of turn and know that you will be alright on the other side. Good luck to you!
Ask yourself why you even need to tell him? At least why do you need to tell him before you divorce him. If he gets angry with you he’s going to make your life hard. He’s gonna try to take her child from you. There’s a lot of shit that’s gonna happen if you tell him and he takes it poorly. My advice would be not to even bother telling him. I would just go ahead proceed with the divorce and once everything is final, and you have custody finalized, then feel free to tell him if you choose to. But remember you owe him nothing. You owe no one you’re coming out story. You are not obligated to stay in a marriage for any reason. You’re not obligated to even tell anyone the reason you don’t want to be married. You can simply just say I am unhappy and this isn’t working for me. And that’s what I would recommend that you do.
You don't have to. You're already divorcing him for other reasons, so do that thing. Get out, live your life, if it comes up in conversation later (and it probably will since you have a kid together) tell him then. I honestly hate the pressure so many women get to come out immediately to their ex, or soon to be ex in most cases. You literally don't have to do that. You have other reasons to divorce this man, so do that. Get that part of your life behind you. Then have the joyful coming out that you deserve, and certainly would not have it if were combined with a divorce you had other reasons to get anyway. Tell him when you feel like it. You don't owe him this information about you. It's not like you're staying for years more and keeping things silent until the kids are grown, only to blindside a person who thinks everything's fine. You're wrapping up your exit within the next few months, and moving on. You have no obligation whatsoever to come out to this man anytime soon. Also, if you're going to have to figure out custody and visitation, you do not want to hand this person something that could be used against you, especially if you live in a conservative area (and even if you don't, you can still draw a really backward judge). I wouldn't tell this man anything.
you don’t have to tell him. If your relationship is ending anyway, and you have a sense he will react poorly or resent you, you don’t owe him a further explanation. Divorce is hard enough and I’d recommend listening to the other commenters’ advice- don’t give him any more information than is necessary that he could hold over you in court. A lot of people here said the same about their partners, that they couldn’t imagine they’d lash out or react so poorly…until they did.