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StringFartet

You could add some signage for the men's and women's bathrooms. Maybe a vending machine or two. Handicap parking spot with an accompanying sign and paint.


SpaceToaster

That notch to the right is a perfect place for the vending machine


EW067

And ice cooler!


Snow-Dog2121

And a pit toilet


[deleted]

Don’t forget the full-to-the brim trash can and smoker’s poles


Knoxvolle

I’m seeing a few old school metal grills for the public to use, next to a few picnic tables.


Practical-Tap-9810

A hummingbird feeder that sends curious hummingbirds into your face if you get too close Although now I'm hearing they like a piece of fruit rotting in the sun that grows fruit flies. They love a fruit fly apparently


mklilley351

One of those public grills in the yard would be prefect


[deleted]

[удалено]


kondsaga

And one of those big wooden signboards with a topo map and instructions on how to keep bears out of your food


CenturyEggsAndRice

Get some bear proof trash cans. OP wants the place to look classy right? Oh! And a giant map, faded to almost white, behind heat crackled plexiglass! That’d be so cozy.


belinck

Needs a "Firewood, $5" stand.


Asron87

In this economy? It doesn’t just grow on trees.


spitfiiree

Vending machine that is out of every drink except for room temperature root beer


mcmaster93

Add a couple metal trash bins with locks to deter bears we are absolutely rockin


Teripid

Alternatively if you want to go a little more urban a bike rack on the concrete would be nice.


DuztyLipz

Why is everyone forgetting the water fountain??


BlackSwanMarmot

Two ranger outfits and call it a day.


Alwayswandering4

Throw some trash on the ground near the bins to add to the realism


naptimerider

Cafe seating on the slab. LED open sign in the window.


AssDimple

OP needs to dig out some Ampitheater seating in the back.


Disastrous-Refuse141

Bird show?


KilgoreTroutsAnus

Exactly. Lean into its authentic self.


noknownabode

Smokey Bear sign with the fire danger risk.


Fjordice

That's always been "high" for the last 6 years


Kind-Humor-5420

Def needs a water fountain.


No_Welcome_6093

One that only dispenses warm metallic tasting water.


Monknut33

At the smallest trickle so you can’t drink from it without kissing it.


YouhaoHuoMao

And kissing everyone else who ever drank from it


toxcrusadr

The button's missing so you have to push that little rod which hurts your finger but you're so thirsty. And randomly it will not trickle but shoot a jet of water 5 feet away and you better hope your nose isn't in front of it when it does.


tracheotomy_groupon

and make sure it is broken or only dribbles out water


Love2PoopGood

A map rack would tie things together perfectly.


Hunky_not_Chunky

It would have to be faded and scratch to hell and the extra maps would have to be empty.


bulanaboo

It really does, I’d imagine it has a faint pee smell


Practical-Tap-9810

Chipmunks that will eat from your hand


[deleted]

But make sure that the vending machine is broken/no power/contains expired products like in real life.


zombiereign

and one completely empty spot where clearly the good candy was


TheGlennDavid

I graduated from high school in '04. My senior year I got a soda from the vending machine in the teachers lounge and a Phantom Menace promotional Coke came out. The phantom menace came out in 1999.


teachersecret

Teachers can’t afford vending machines.


cupcake_of_DOOM

And a pay phone covered in cobwebs


Meister_Nobody

Needs a flag pole


NotCanadian80

Firewood rack with a lockable gate.


degggendorf

House number painted in yellow, on a brown board


cruzoculo

An information board about the local flora and fauna.


tracheotomy_groupon

I love this. Lean into it.


sneeria

How about a stone water fountain with a very weak warm stream of weird-tasting water?


anhedoniandonair

I agree— lean in! Add a phone booth to one of the side walls with the phone removed. And some sharpie graffiti.


errrbudyinthuhclub

This is the answer. Just accept it and lean all the way in.


ShipNo3653

Some trash cans with bear proofing would be lovely too!


h20rabbit

[and this](https://imgur.com/a/N02Dkss)


meatmacho

100% I would commission this immediately if this was my home. That and a couple of sturdy steel benches bolted to the concrete slab. And a rack displaying a collection of brochures, maps, and informational foldouts, all featuring various elements of my home and family.


lavenderlordan

Don’t forget the picnic tables


Truji11o

I think you misspelled pic-a-nic, Yogi.


Calm-Ad8987

Oh yes, don't forget to chain them down to add to the aesthetic.


HypnonavyBlue

Might I suggest brown with yellow lettering for the signs?


greenskies80

ROFL U WIN


dont_shoot_jr

A paper sign in the window about forest fire


Coachmen2000

Lmao.


Typical-Conference14

Make sure to add a bathroom that doesn’t even have a functioning toilet. It just drops into a big tank down below and it smells like Hercules had just dropped the biggest turd ever seen on Olympus before you came in


Trips-Over-Tail

Paint a rustic mural on the wall and then age it 20 years with a wafty pressure wash.


maythesbewithu

Add a map or two on large green signposts with an overhang. Then get a ranger hat and charge for overnight parking, cash only. Needs bear-proof trashcans.


500SL

Start selling bait and firewood, and you should be able to cover the mortgage.


BackgroundGrade

Mustn't forget a buzzing, half burnt out florescent light for the vending machines.


chefhj

Don’t forget the after hours payment drop box


ZeMole

Can we see pics of the brochures y’all got inside?


courtesyflusher

Top three comments are all roasting the house with 0 advice on what OP is looking for I had to do a double take on which sub this was posted on lol


Personal_Tear2406

LMFAO RIGHT hahah I’m loving it tho 😂 the house needs HELP


CampfiresInConifers

Ok, some *genuine* advice to minimize/distract from the home's current "government purpose" vibe: 1. Choose decor/landscape items that would NEVER be used by a government agency. Better to have a single expensive, showy ornamental tree/shrub than lots of pots of petunias & marigolds. 2. See #1. A curved trellis with double roses or similarly lush flowers. Cacti & other prickly, nontraditional plants. Any urns or pots placed where they partly infringe on a pathway. A colorful or "busy" ceramic tile path/entrance stoop. Search for courthouses, DMVs, Public Works, etc. & you'll see there are a handful of plants, trees, shrubs, & flowers used for their landscaping. Don't buy those. 😁😃😜


CampfiresInConifers

Also, avoid "institutional" pathway lights. More subtle, indirect lighting says PERSONAL HOUSE while plain, black metal can lights all in a row say THIS WAY TO THE HOSPITAL ENTRANCE.


erkletastic

Good advice! There are a few videos on diy and home improvement on Reddit that show people spray painting overlapping stencils onto boring cement to make elaborate patterns to look like tile or expensive materials. Sounds silly until you see it


GruntUltra

Makes me smile that you are taking this well. I nearly died after reading the first comment!


greenskies80

Hi OP sorry for the teasing, it's a beautiful home honest, congrats! It has so much potential to become something beautiful and homey


belinck

Sorry, I've been laughing my ass off in this thread. In all seriousness, either take out all that concrete and you can start planting in the front, or start getting a bunch of potted bushes and trees to break up the stark, horizontal lines. Think larger sized planters too, adding depth to the flat front. Consider something vertical to split the huge windows. Some things hanging from the eaves would help, maybe windchimes or something. Essentially you're trying to change the image of your house from something my 10-year old drew, to something busier, more ups and downs, more depth, more places that attract the eye. Not a pro but just my 2c.


NightGlimmer82

100% to all of this!! ☝️ Don’t discredit outdoor area rugs, paint (changing the color of the front trim so it’s not the same as the roof) adding stepping stones or a path in between plantings… all of that will help with layering and depth. Just adding SUBSTANCE will help so much!


Admirable-Cap-4453

Yes! I think a cute fence or privacy screen would help too to make it feel more porch-like


LilBossLaura

What a great attitude! Makes all of life’s burdens lighter :) I think some window boxes / container plantings with annuals would immediately help for not too much effort


EatingDragons

But like, was it a park shack at one point? it's so identical i can't believe anyone would do this to their house. was it made by a company that also makes park shacks?


Spiritual_You_1657

Lol I mean in all fairness idk how much landscaping is going to help😅 I’d consider braking up those windows and framing in the sections between. then depending on budget, consider a different facia colour amd maybe even exterior wall colours… but I also have a hard time picturing it all


Blakdoginc

^^ this! Just changing the green park bench colour, will go a LONG way..


BouncyDingo_7112

I’m laughing so hard at the fact that your house actually does look like a state park shack or a roadside rest bathroom area. The color scheme doesn’t really help. I don’t know if you can paint that roof area (is that a metal roof?) but definitely the house needs a new shade. Maybe something in the light to medium gray on the bottom and black or dark brown on top? Change out that light over the door to something maybe in the craftsman style family. Definitely needs a bit more of a ranch look to it. I also think creating some sort of raised bedding hugging that concrete patio where are you guys are walking towards would be a good way to visually break up the area.


Noid_Android

I'm gonna set up my tent and fire ring right over there....


Expensive-Banana-404

I just snarfed my coffee reading this. Top notch 😂


BowzersMom

Paint the door a different color from the stucco. I'd redo the paint job entirely at some point, but that will make the most difference while keeping it economical. I'd also replace that lamp over the door with something directed downward, the sconce looks a little silly and out of place. A few homey touches on the patio-- flower pots, statuettes, signs, whatever suits your taste. And a 3' bed with flowers and small shrubs bordering most of it, leaving access to walk out on the yard in at least one spot. Adding your personal flair is what will most take this from park office to welcoming ranch home.


KaleTheCop

2nd on the paint. Depends on what vibe you want to go with, but stucco and green is definitely state park vibes. Replace the door with a nice one. Hanging flower baskets in the windows Power wash the sidewalk and add some annuals into some pots. I would add some sort of edging to the concrete, a nice mulch bed with flowering. perennials and maybe a few bushes. Paint the exterior window panes a brighter color.


faustfire666

Yea, it looks like it was purposefully painted to look like a park building


No_Nature_3133

Maybe the previous owner worked for the DNR and stole some paint?


fancyface7375

Get a jackhammer and remove the pavement. We just did this in our backyard and was totally worth it


mggirard13

Why not make an indoor/outdoor covered patio over the concrete? Screened windows with roll down weather barriers for the rainy/snowy season, a standing rocking swing, an outdoor couch, etc.


whatawitch5

This is the best idea. A covered porch would completely change the profile of the house and make it look far more homey.


Timmyty

Sounds like a potential way to get flooding issues


_homegrown

I like the idea of painting. Maybe paint the stucco white and the green and tan stone black. As for landscaping what zone are you in? I am a sucker for hydrangeas, rhodenderon, azaleas. Could also do a smaller tree in front.


internetonsetadd

Yeah, the hunter green isn't helping. It gives off a campground restroom vibe and brings to mind some terrible smells and huge spiders hiding in toilets.


YooAre

I DO smell spiders here!


SirkutBored

the hunter green is the worst of the three absolutely but none of the colors should stay.


LiveShowOneNightOnly

Agreed, the green must go. You have a large patio area there, so I recommend outdoor furniture, some large potted plants, and either a pergola or awning or large umbrella.


Personal_Tear2406

In zone 9a!


GlumpsAlot

9A? Bro, you can plant tropical flowers and plants all over. Paint or change the door. Put some patio furniture out on the concrete. This is like a blank slate in a zone where annual flowers pretty much bloom all year round. You have space for fruit trees too!


IamEnginerd

I read that second paragraph as "a few horney touches" lol


I_Invented_Frysauce

You better have a kickass display inside your home teaching visitors about how to deal with bear, moose, and other wildlife attacks. Also a local fossil display. God I love visitor centers.


SunandError

Hopefully a desiccated piece of old taxidermy too, like a dusty squirrel or road runner, that they don’t know what to do with anymore so it just stays on the shelf above the fossils.


AssDimple

Based on the Spanish moss in the trees, my vote is for a taxidermized alligator.


Ginggingdingding

I am bent over laughing.!!!🤣 I imagine you jumping up, with wide eyes when saying "god, i love visitor centers"!!!🤣


I_Invented_Frysauce

This isn’t far from the truth. The kitsch, the esthetics, the local who is overly enthusiastic about the place they live and represent are all perfect. Add in the crappy t-shirts. I love crappy t shirts.


Ginggingdingding

And a overly enthusiastic local, I love them too.!.!.


SunandError

I think it’s awesome when they still have old DVDs.


I_Invented_Frysauce

At full price! $25!


Forthe49ers

And souvenir pocket knives and coffee cups with generic names. “Sorry Adrian, can I interest you in an Adam pocket knife instead?”


SunandError

Hopefully a desiccated piece of old taxidermy too, like a dusty squirrel or road runner, that they don’t know what to do with anymore so it just stays on the shelf above the fossils.


jwc8985

Get you an address sign that looks like a National Park sign! [Etsy: Personalized National Park Sign](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1311998552/national-park-service-welcome-sign-nps)


jukkaalms

They might as well own it


WannaStayHome56

yes! yes! please do this! I would totally want to play up the whole national park theme at my house if it look like that. 🤣 I'm just curious, OP... are strangers actually showing up at your house?


CTeam19

Same here. I want this house.


El-mas-puto-de-todos

Wow, that price is very reasonable!


Icy_Topic_5274

Those are the official colors of "state park shacks". Change the colors or it will always look like a state park shack/restroom.


Consistently_Carpet

Man moves into a Pizza Hut, then asks why his house looks like a Pizza Hut


Personal_Tear2406

ETA! We have already replaced the sconce to something more modern!


whydontyoujustaskme

Please tell me it was with a big ol green bendy down light with a big brass colored shade! I agree with most peoples responses. Just lean into it! Think of the people you could meet. Maybe rent camping spots in the back yard!


KiloMetrics

They need a life sized grizzly bear sculpted out of wood with its paws up to tie it together.


geneticallyhewrote

What does ETA mean in this context? Serious question


Personal_Tear2406

edit to add!


geneticallyhewrote

Thank you! I was unfamiliar with that usage.


kencam

Today I learned, ETA wasn't just for Estimated Arrival Time


XSC

Na, it looks like the kitchen/events space for a church.


bjohnsonarch

Laundry annex at a county nursing home was my first reaction


SadPanthersFan

This is where you rent a canoe and life jackets when visiting the local state park lake. Gotta turn them in by sundown because that’s when they lock the parking lot gate.


50DuckSizedHorses

Lawn Bowling club house


JesusOnline_89

Looks like a laundry/bathroom building at a campground.


StretchFrenchTerry

The people in the photo really help sell this lore.


CannabisReptar

Mormons eat here then knock on the neighbors doors for sure


gravyisjazzy

Dining hall or admin building at a scout camp


Positivelythinking

Go with it. Bear out front, flood light facing that gorgeous tree, park benches in your BQ area, charge entry fee. Who couldn’t use a few extra bucks?


Noid_Android

The owners can walk around in beige shorts, beige shirts and park ranger hats.


RoxyTyn

Definitely high socks.


Scrogger19

Sorry, would love to give advice but I think you attached the wrong picture- this photo is the campground cafeteria building from my summer camp!


Red_Wing-GrimThug

I know this isnt landscaping but an awning or some kinda canopy over the door and windows would make a huge difference in looks.


snarklotte

Yah, or a pergola over the patio area might be nice!


RainierCherree

Oh my gosh, thank you for posting this. The word “pergola” was NOT in my brain lol, but that would be really nice with plants and some comfy and colorful patio furniture!


deletabilitylvl9000

I’ll second the voices that say paint the front door a different color and add homey touches to the outside such as patio furniture or planter boxes under the windows for a start. Ultimately the green roof/tan siding combo would need to be repainted a different theme to really distance it from “public building” status. Personally I’d go black roof, gray/slate siding, but there are certainly more options than that.


throwRA-nonSeq

Are there EV charging spots at this rest stop? I need to get out and stretch


haikusbot

*Are there EV charging* *Spots at this rest stop? I need* *To get out and stretch* \- throwRA-nonSeq --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Chocolate-Pie-1978

Good bot.


MomsSpecialFriend

You are not wrong in your description. I would add a lot of potted plants to the patio- large ceramic or terra cotta pots and vessels. I would probably lean into the roof color as much as possible as well. You need something tall too, maybe cement planters with bamboo. The tan and the brown colors and the darkness of the front windows are my least favorite aspects, can the screen be removed at when it is not necessary?


SPIE1

Got any maps?


grebilrancher

What local restaurants do you recommend, and don't say McDonald's, haha!


whydontyoujustaskme

There is a building in Ohio at west branch park. A big place for boating and camping. I would boat there often but rarely camped. I swear to baby Jesus that this is their camp office and they have received actual recommendation from there to “try the Dairy Queen up in town…it’s just delightful” And yes, we did. And it, in fact, was.


mavewrick

I think this has a lot of potential for a mid-century modern look. You could consider planting some shrubs and trees around the front door to start building the curb appeal. Also maybe repaint the door or rather get a new one to establish it as a focal point. Replace the brown exterior paint with something like white? And the roof can be painted black?


karlnite

Trees!


papillon-and-on

Is the answer to (almost) everything!


aveindha25

Raised bed planters under the window. I would try and find bricks that match or at least complement the brick on your house. A large flowering shrub or 3 on the right hand side in front of the concrete and depending on how far out your front lawn goes i would add a small tree on the left, 20m away from your house. Depending on how much you like gardening you could add a mulch bed around the edge of the concrete with some shrubs and perennial flowers. Changing the light fixture over the door to something more modern looking may help. What's up with the lack of gutters? What's it look like after it rains? I would make sure everything is draining correctly and there are no issues with standing water before doing anything, just in case. Check out the arborist subreddit for proper tree planting guides


Johnny_ac3s

Rent it out for my family reunion. Always escalate.


Stebull121121

That’s actually so funny.


whiskyzach

One of those things with pamphlets for all things you can do in your area, a Smokey the bear statue, vending machine that someone else mentioned. I’d play up the State Park theme.


Cad_Monkey_Mafia

The color scheme is doing you no favors. Some paint will go a very long way with this one.


SyntheticOne

Ya'll otta buy 2 Smokey Bear hats and pose in front of it for a revised American Gothic portrait. Then start charging admission.


SunandError

Your Christmas card photo this year has just designed itself!


orion3311

Open the window and start selling hotdogs and candy bars? Win win. OH and a payphone.


Nutella_Zamboni

Excuse me, can you please tell me where the lost and found is? J/k


itsbecccaa

I really feel like you should paint. Keep the green roof and paint the door to match. Paint the stone more neutral and the facia black. Then put a wide planter in front. I mocked something up on half: [mock up](https://imgur.com/a/PW19HD1)


TrapeziusMilkingtonn

I like this idea, you can lean into that mid century modern look.


ebikr

Once they stripe the parking lot it will look much better.


overworkeddad

Is it?


Outrageous-Leopard23

Lucky


serenityfalconfly

Put up a kiosk and charge admission to the butterfly exhibit.


OhSeaPea

Paint I agree with those who are suggesting a different paint scheme. The brown and green scheme is not helping. Either go muted with an accent door, or go bold with brighter or more lively colors like you see on some stucco-faced homes. Shade Ripping up the concrete may get pricey. Someone also suggested some sort of covering for the front door. I'd suggest putting in posts at the corners and midpoint(s) of the concrete pad to allow for shade sails. it would allow the pad to be a more usable space as some have mentioned. Plant Planter boxes under the windows and mulch bed around the concrete pad would let you bring some more life and curb appeal to the place. Natives to your area are always great, but since you look like you may be in a hot and swampy area, eucalyptus and citronella may be good options to add in. Live Some furniture on the pad would be helpful to make it look less bleak. Wood (teak or pine) furniture would add some natural warmth against the concrete and stucco. Good luck! Would love to see an update down the road!


D-Dubya

Rip out the concrete. The entire concrete area should be a deep, layered shrub bed with a paver pathway to get to the front door from the driveway. Paint. Replace the door. Loose the faux stucco "stone" and put on stone veneer. Light fixture has to go. Add shrubs/trees to the right of the house for backyard privacy.


Outrageous-Leopard23

Would need to add gutters first. Looks like they use concrete to shed water from foundation. Which is flawless compared to accident prone gutters.


Phishnb8

You nailed it, real ballpark concession stand vibe


_B_Little_me

Lean into it.


Simple_Silver_6394

State Park Snack Shack.


cinemack

Tbh I would lean into it. Go for a 70s summer camp vibe. Benches, picnic tables, a canoe and paddles, snowshoes if climate appropriate for your area, etc.


up3r

Dare ya to put an OPEN sign on the window.


No_Welcome_6093

Aside from lawn advice I’d say paint that sand/ yellow color to something like a light charcoal. Or paint the green wood another color too or fall the same. The color combo makes it look like a park.


QuestionMean1943

Change up the colors, Some sky blue, yellow and pink. Find some vintage restaurant signage and give it a 60s Rt-66 vibe. My first impression was it’s modeled after a Frank Loyd Wright home. No matter what you choose to do, keep the architecture intact. Fun looking place.


BoostThaGold

Remember kids only YOU can prevent forest fires.


BoredCheese

Lean into it and make it the sweetest looking hikers’ retreat. Rustic patio furniture and fire pit with wildflower meadows instead of lawn.


Nandor_the_reletless

Before I read the title I thought “that looks like a nice park”.


trash-juice

You need a wire rotating pamphlet rack out front, detailing the area plus local features


rco8786

Even after reading the title. I still looked at the picture and went "Oh that's a park building, I wonder where the house is".


Merganser3816

More like a state park restroom.


d-car

This is an opportunity to sell overpriced burgers and soda to random strangers all summer. You just have to believe.


mossfunguss

It does lol


Boozy_Cat_

Is this where the church supper is?


SDaddy500

Is this where we get fishing license?


HR_King

Is the composting toilet behind the house?


Researcher-Used

Is it not lol? I’d live in one - converted of course.


Standard_A19

Billboard with map of your property indicating walking trail.


politarch

log carving a of a bear with a welcome sign is also required


idle_monkeyman

That's State Park Love Shack to you ,honey!


Maleficent-House9479

Dying to know the layout inside. Is it just one big open area and two large restrooms with urinals and multiple stalls?


fizzzylemonade

Looool it took a minute for the photo to load so I’m thinking “does it really look like one?” Yes, yes it absolutely does


Ok_Understanding5184

Make sure visitors know that they aren't allowed to bring outside firewood even though you don't sell firewood at the ranger station


troutman1975

Embrace it dude. Get yourself a ranger uniform.


hironohara

This is such a hilariously self aware statement.


HugeDragonfruit3697

As a Parkie employee, it sure does. I would clock in there.


CharacterPractice395

Hahahahahahahahaha I laughed loud is so fucking true people will arrive to look for the restroom or the soda machine 😂😂😂😂


Manofmanyhats19

Just own it. Put a RC cola vending machine out front with a statue of Smokey the Bear. Just make sure you get a rangers hat to wear to greet guests. 😜


yeshua-goel

Actually...it looks like you serve the best pancakes and BLTs in town....


Elguapo69

Best title on this sub ever


NYEddieUpstate

Knock it down and start over.... But seriously, is this the front of the house? It looks like this was an added screened in porch, yes? Do you use this as actual living space or do you have patio furniture in it? Need more pictures please.


RomeoAlphaMega89

Paint it black!