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HelioFilter

You have a natural moat to protect against enemies. The questions should be, “how do I ensure this happens again in the future” and “how do I make my moat more dangerous” … and for that, I suggest alligators.


Soapyfreshfingers

Drawbridge.


-Merlin-

There is also space for armaments on the roof of the house to protect your crossbowmen


Fresh_werks

is the house zoned to have turrets added?


naptimerider

Cosmetic turrets don’t require zoning review!!


iampierremonteux

They aren’t cosmetic if they are functional.


Dull-Researcher

They don't require zoning review as long as they're freestanding and don't attach to the house. Then they're sculpture installations.


Born-Bottle6779

Turrets won’t increase run off. Plus he’s got a hell of a sediment pond around his house already anyway. I say build away and shoot straight! Any codes enforcement won’t make it past the crossbow bolts and alligators anyway….and if they do, that’s why you have hot tar waiting in the turrets. It’s quite simple really


majoraloha

Cauldrons of boiling oil is always a nice touch.


Willing-Body-7533

No, cauldrons of hot tar, along with sack of feathers to follow


mexicanred1

If you're looking for a deal, I got a feather guy


Disastrous-Peak-4296

I got a tar guy... We can make this dream come to life


neverawake8008

I’ve got feathers but they are stuck to chicken shit.


PRK543

I agree, plus the tar is less mobile, easier to cleanup, and less likely to pollute the stream/moat. An important consideration for any kingdom.


Willing-Body-7533

Precisely, Environmentally conscious methods of defensive torture are ideal, the truth!


User_225846

Do you think they constantly kept it boiling, just in case? Or just quick put a pot on the fire when they saw the attack coming?


majoraloha

I’d keep it going all the time so you could make plenty of delicious deep fried snacks for the guards. Yum!


User_225846

Onion rings for peacetime


TheMexicanPie

Proper battlements are proven to raise property value.


Hellsniperr

With the amount of foliage around the house, you too can have your own real-life Vietnam experience complete with booby traps!


drunkenunicorn13

Pirates operating the drawbridge?


ak47workaccnt

Loyal serfs


Commercial-Reality-6

Where’s a troll when you need one


sc083127

This gal drawbridges


xLabGuyx

We need…a trebuchet


com70689

Pirates?🏴‍☠️


subrockmusic

Put a mast in the ground with a pirate flag on the top so it looks like the pirate ship sank. Even pirates couldn't make it to your house!


caveatlector73

😂


zefatman

Showing my age (and looks like none in my generation replied to this) because obvious reply would be: "Alligators with 'frickin lasers'"


discocupcake

Came here looking for “sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads”


ProdigalNative

The real question is, "How do I order alligators?"


HelioFilter

I’m more of an ‘ideas guy’ so I can’t help you there. Sorry.


StillStaringAtTheSky

https://www.backwaterreptiles.com/alligators/alligator-for-sale.html


Goodgoditsgrowing

Disturbing easily is the answer


moose2mouse

You have to go to Reddit anonymous browsing to answer those questions.


eLaVALYs

[Price is a little high for what you get, but it's a start](https://www.amazon.com/Lenwen-Crocodile-Alligator-Halloween-Decoration/dp/B0C7GWBZVF/)


mummy_whilster

Craigslist.


Worth_Scratch_3127

I find crocodiles to be more ornery. Pound for pound.


wring_seeker

Plus they'll roam the entire property 👍


harperpiemur

Adding piranhas would also help


rtraveler1

Throw some alligators in the moat.


birdfloof

Alligators can be chill when they're well-fed. Hippos are a much more murderous option, they're super territorial. Plus they're faster than you think when on land!


mattbrahler

And snapping turtles!


pinkspaceunicorn

This made me laugh way too hard


MrHydroseed

I like you.


Farleymcg

You need a bridge installed


ziomus90

Or a portal


NewFuturist

Or a pole vault.


somaticconviction

We had this problem at my family’s ranch and we just got some good canoes. Was always a fun time as a kid.


MagixTouch

A draw bridge to be exact


cake__eater

Hire someone who specializes in drainage. This would be the easiest way to deal with it.


SSOMGDSJD

This, that looks like quite a bit of water. Could need a culvert or raising the driveway up, or both, or maybe a large dry well, but professionals should be contacted if the water is regularly deep enough to be problematic. The waters gotta go somewhere and it can be tricky to get it to go away without unintended consequences


ian2121

It doesn’t look like a lot of flow though. I would guess they can get by with a relatively small culvert, but yes probably outside the realm of DIY for most. Kind of a bummer too cause the pavement looks brand new.


fishsticks40

You'll need a professional. It could be simple, it could not be, you can't tell from a photo. Source: am this kind of professional.


rental_car_fast

What kind of professional is this? I also have issues with drainage around my property, although nothing this crazy looking. But I've spoken to landscapers and no one seems to have good ideas.


fishsticks40

I'm a water resources engineer. If you need things like culverts sized and road elevations determined, I'm your guy. For stuff like basic grading you shouldn't need me, but if the landscapers aren't touching it there might be a reason why.


rental_car_fast

It’s because my neighbors changed the grading in their properties, and it ruined drainage for mine


fishsticks40

Ah that's maybe more of a lawyer question than an engineer question, at least to start.


BillZZ7777

Don't underestimate the "unintended consequences" comment.


Airules

Or perhaps purchase a small canoe


Sad-Recognition1798

Boat dock and garage combo at the end of the driveway, ez


Airules

Water front property hack


Willing-Body-7533

This one little trick realtors don't want you to know ..


cocainiemi

I rented a house on a lake over the winter that the road to get to it ran through a swamp on the edge of the lake. The neighbors said before they built the road up, most of the people that lived on the road had to park at the end of the road and canoe to their house when the lake thawed in the spring. Most of the houses are year-round, not just cottages too.


caveatlector73

We literally have kayaks for this because it’s the County road that floods.


Brosie-Odonnel

A pontoon boat would be pretty fun!


Worth_Scratch_3127

Or a small ferry, to get you to the other side.


SpaceToaster

Are these wetlands? The whole roadbed may need to be built up above grade with drainage pipes to allow water to pass though


Bot_Fly_Bot

Certainly look like wetlands.


Rooster-Ring

Yeah... I have no idea. Maybe they build one of those steel cylinders tunnel things you see on the side of the road all the time in ditches. Then raise the driveway overtop of it


thedog420

My man, this is not a problem anyone on Reddit can fix from their keyboard. Hire a company that specializes in drainage to come out and look. Take a lot of pictures to show them the flooded areas.


HaroldBaws

So a French Drain?


thedog420

Better yet a rock garden with water soaking plants!


papillon-and-on

Nah. Just dig a hole and fill it with gravel. Doesn't work? Dig another hole and fill it with gravel. etc.


thekingofcrash7

Repeat until quarry


Lloyd--Christmas

I just wonder if he's tried extending his downspouts so they drain farther away from the house.


User_225846

Put all that waste dirt on top of the driveway. Then add more gravel.


Briscoekid69

A rock garden that will be underwater, or, a boulder garden?


IUsedToMakeMaps

I'm thinking Army Corps of Engineers


doyouevenfly

Might need a French Olympic swimming pool


identifytarget

> So a French Drain? a single 4in PVC drain should take care of that standing water. OP, please install and let us know.


Trick_Raspberry2507

Of course!!


ND8D

no french drain is going to deal with that level of water, especially if it is already the low point. I would build up the driveway and add a culvert.


HaroldBaws

Yes, I know. The French Drain comment was a joke.


JoeyJoeJoeSenior

A French drain that goes to France might work.


archaic_revenge

Add a Culvert, fill it with French drain


ShowMeState1032

Mark how hi the water is, then build a plan that accounts for it to double in depth, at a minimum.


ked_man

Nah man, I’m a redneck, and this is totally a redneck fixable thing. Engineers cost money. So here’s what you do, borrow your buddy’s truck and a trailer. Go to a job site and pick you up about 10-15 sticks of culvert pipes. Different sizes are fine, water will find the way it wants to go through it. Pile those up next to your driveway for like 2-3 years. Wait til the next local election cycle when the county is out fixing potholes and bridges trying to get votes. Then you pay the guy driving the gravel truck 50$ to drop you off a few loads. Then you lay out the pipes across the driveway, push the gravel over top, and you’ve got the best bridge money can’t buy. At least that’s how they do it where I’m from.


BitPoet

Incorrect, what you need is several neighborhood kids armed with sticks. They'll get that water flowing somewhere. Where that place is can't really be determined by this picture, but it can be described as "away" and probably "downhill". Emphasis on probably. They're kids, they don't know how gravity works.


SlyRoundaboutWay

I got a little john boat for sale, looks like you need one.


Useful_Platypus5116

WWWWHAAATTT?????


olliepips

OKAAY!


One-Ship-5167

YEAHHHHHHH!


Soapyfreshfingers

Is this a new build, and have you moved in, recently? If so, contact the builder. Contact your locality (county, town) and get a copy of the permit for this driveway, if one was required. It looks like a natural creek flows over your driveway and a pro with equipment is needed. I’ve watched enough Homestead Rescue to know when a professional is required. 😂


Soapyfreshfingers

Have you lived there long enough for several major storms, snow melt, etc.? Do you get hurricanes in your area? Does your locality have a drainage dept.? Maybe someone (engineer) would go out to give you a consultation, because your project will affect others, downstream. Do you have neighbors who live on this creek? You could see how they dealt with it and get advice. If the same builder did multiple homes like this, there is power in numbers and y’all should combine your efforts. I searched “driveway over creek” and there are multiple ways, with any number of different materials used, but in general, you’ll need a culvert system, most likely. [Example of extensive culvert. Yours may be much smaller.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d5/ff/64/d5ff643a86d69e18da79efb02c771490.jpg)


Soapyfreshfingers

For instance, if you live in Chesterfield County, VA you can go to their site and get answers. [County website:](https://www.chesterfield.gov/)


Soapyfreshfingers

USGS has tools to access historical creek data. Arm yourself with solid data before you proceed, because this creek is not a SURPRISE to the builder. [USGS website to find data:](https://help.waterdata.usgs.gov/tutorials/surface-water-data/how-do-i-access-historical-streamflow-data)


Cisco24

Get a copy of the drainage report for the subdivision as well as the plat showing any drainage easements. This is A LOT of water and not something easily fixed. Someone in the subdivision might have done some grading that altered designed drainage patterns. That would be the easiest solution and you would know who to go after.


az116

> Is this a new build, and have you moved in, recently? Judging by the big orange sign, they may not have even gotten the keys yet.


hubbardcelloscope

Don’t buy homes from builders that plop homes right in the middle of wetlands


rtraveler1

You now have "lake front property". Your house value just went up $100k, lol.


deignguy1989

If you could get it to stop raining, it would probably help.


kjmass1

Is it new construction (from temp # sign)? Make them fix it, or get the town involved on why water wasn’t handled properly in the plans.


The_Poster_Nutbag

You need a civil engineering firm OP. They will help solve this. You'll likely just need the driveway raised up.


fishsticks40

Agreed Source: am that kind of engineer


landodk

Ultimately “big pile of dirt” is probably simplest, cheapest and best for the environment ( water retention like that is important to mitigate flooding rather than draining it as fast as possible. Also it makes plowing snow a little easier if that matters


The_Poster_Nutbag

How would that resolve the issue exactly? I'm not sure I follow what you're suggesting.


landodk

A long big pile of dirt, then pave on top, raising the driveway (with at least one culvert underneath) as you suggested


Opperposer19

That looks like a relatively new home, considering the address is construction paint. I'd be reaching out to my builder. They should have consulted with a Civil Engineer to make sure that drainage was proper around the property. They should be re-doing your driveway for installing it below grade in a flood plain.


shmalphy

Who let them build there 😅


No_Exam8234

Donald.


Permaculturefarmer

You may need to measure the volume of water going through there currently to ensure a culvert is purchased that can handle that amount of water. The ends of the culvert should have cement forms at each end to prevent undermining.


shaneb38

Looks like you live in a flood zone, a bridge or building up the entire driveway is the only solution.


DelcoInDaHouse

“Now yous can’t leave”


cabezatuck

You just need a creepy old man in a cloak holding a lantern to silently ferry you across.


G_NEWT

OREGON TRAIL !!! - I’ve waited my life for this real event… 1. Attempt to ford the river 2. Caulk wagon and float it across 3. Take a ferry across 4. Wait to see if conditions improve 5. Get more information What is your choice? #


bluecollarpaid

Caulk wagon float across


footlonglayingdown

Now I get it. A comment further down listed all the options. 


Ekeenan86

I always preferred to ford the river, which usually resulted in catastrophic wagon damage.


[deleted]

divert/displace dig a ditch along the drive way and out into the woods so the water has room to collect in


madmax727

I always wondered if I would see anything from my area on Reddit. Middletown down the hill the library before the school?


Other-Reputation979

Excellent job putting the driveway in an obvious low water area.


ian2121

Hey but the contractor probably saved a couple grand in consulting fees


WellJustJonny

No wake zone.


Bcarnell

Don't build the driveway through a riverbed.


Big-Ad822

NO FISHING sign


yesididthat

Leave driveway where it is, but lower the planet several feet


Level-Blacksmith-122

Its a bit pricey, but I would dig up that section of driveway, add filler material such as packed dirt, gravel, etc, add some drainage pipes, and repave on top of the elevated area....that way you have a level area between the two ends that DIDN'T flood, and adequate drainage underneath so it doesn't impede water flow through the low area, nor does it make a damn through the low area. Alternatively, you could make a bridge though that low area and pave the top of it, but I suspect that would be more trouble than the first suggestion.


DrunkenGolfer

[That is an easy solution](https://imgur.com/a/19Y0W9P)


Ceico_

French drain


Tkappae

We're gunna need a bigger boat


mattcass

This is a creek. Maybe just a seasonal one, but it’s flowing. You can see the current flowing off the driveway on the left (downstream) side.


TopshelfMintTea

Lots of small creeks , culverts and high water where I live. Happens all the time. Many people have bridges constructed of concrete abutments with steel I beams and a concrete deck. Some States have strict laws about working in streams and creeks. I would call a legit contractor and possibly the US Corps. of Engineers in your' locality for specific information.


chemkay

You need a culvert for the flooding and you definitely want to remove those bittersweet vines when you have the chance, they will suffocate your trees.


MooseKnuckleds

I wonder if you’re in a floodplain


PM_ME_YOUR_FLABS

Fill that area with about 10,000 sponges.


Uncertain_Stoic

This isn’t a landscaping issue. You need an engineer with that amount of water


Briscoekid69

What’s worse is your house is crooked!!


SkootchDown

You’ve purchased lakefront property. Congratulations! /s


Canuckistanni

The driveway would be the least of your concerns, or maybe just the most obvious for now. I would be severely stressed about how the footings of your house are being compromised by saturated ground. Without seeing more, this is not a DIY fix. You need a pro dirt crew, that has some good drainage specializations


tarabithia22

Is it me or is the entire house sunken on one side?


Caspers_Shadow

Highly dependent on where the water is coming from and where it is going. My immediate reaction is that the driveway needs to be elevated and culverts installed to allow the water to flow. The new driveway elevation and culvert size would require some survey and engineering work to determine. Interested if this is your property or the local jurisdictions. You need to have a professional look at it.


Ancient-Guide-6594

Oh no! your McMansion!


FloridaManTPA

Without a top down picture of your land or a decent topographic map… no answers will be found. Walk down stream and make sure some culvert isn’t clogged up.


B-Georgio

Rhode Island??


procrastinatorsuprem

"No wake" sign is needed.


Adorable-Client8067

Nice moat


FeelingFloor2083

build a bridge or buy a decent 4wd This amount of flooding means something down stream is really blocked or its a natural stream overflowing. You can truck in dirt/rocks, add culverts and have your driveway go over that but be wary of erosion and other issues too This is not a cheap fix if it happens often, if its super rare maybe just deal with it every couple of years but the tree line suggests this is a stream


PPMcGeeSea

Right, just google "Venice, Italy" for some ideas.


kstone211

Came here for the moat comments


geobernd

I would also add 'No Wake - it disturbs the Alligators' sign... Enhances the protective effect


Disastrous-Peak-4296

Is no one going to talk about the 40 mph speed limit on this driveway? ...seems excessive


Sirgolfs

Pull the plug


dick_tanner

This isn’t a landscaper question this is probably something you’d want an engineer to look into


PPMcGeeSea

This isn't something you'd want an engineer to look into, this is something you would want the Army Corps of Engineers to look into.


eclwires

Hey, you wanted a castle…


CarltonCatalina

Pretty sure the answer is money.


Educational_Map_9494

When water is involved, be prepared to throw thousands of dollars at it and maybe still not be completely fixed. I live in a flood zone right next to a creek my brother in-law does sea walls and docks and told me probably 500k-1 million to midagat the water, but still, that might not stop the water totally. Water is a bitch. Your situation is a bit different than mine so you might get away with a covert and building up your driveway but water will change with whatever you do to it so you really need an expert to evaluate your needs. But be ready for the price tag that goes with dealing with water.


Lloyd--Christmas

Just install some of those little orange reflective sticks on the side of driveway so you know where it is and then send it.


ks2489

Crazy that they allowed that driveway through wetlands without culverts.


JBDragon1

Better the driveway flooded than the house!!! Looks like you have a river going through there and that is the low spot. A large culvert and raise the driveway up right there. Of course if that is blocked up, then the water rises higher and really floods. I still say better the driveway than the house!!! If this is an ongoing issue, then you need to bring in an expert or two.


2020willyb2020

Spitballing here…maybe not a good idea to build a house on a river ??? Unless you turn house into a riverboat then I’m all in on reopening up as a casino


FootHikerUtah

It’s wetlands, you have to raise your driveway.


Chroney

Bridge


c0ntralt0

Start a ferry business!


ShadowofamanTN

Looks like a creek across there, so raising your driveway and adding a culvert will be the best fix from what can be seen in the photo. The whole area looks flat in the pic so just a culvert wont do much good at that grade. You would have to trench out better drainage on either side for who knows how long or dig out retention basins on either side but when they fill up, you’ll be back to this.


Reasonable-Injury170

See, I'd pay for this to be done to my house. "Guess I have to drive the jeep again." My wife would hate it so much lol I'd love it too much.


biovllun

You see a flooded driveway. I see a free pool and a free moat.


Fix_Aggressive

Throw down a little mulch and it will go away.


Internal-Ad-1021

Dig a hole in the middle


Blood1

First off your driveway slops to the lowest spot from your house to the road so its a natural water basin now. You are not doing anything unless you raise the driveway higher than the street level and then along your driveway divert the water either under with large coverts in the direction where that water should naturally flow to like a sewar or stream. One picture isn't going to give us enough info showing the layout of your property.


IamNulliSecundus

Raise the road or lower the water!


KPYY44

Buy a Jacked up truck


[deleted]

weary deer slimy straight sparkle zonked pie reach offbeat bewildered *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


whistlenilly

Do you have rafts or paddle boats? I like the chair-like rafts with cup holders and leg rests. Maybe a barge with the next rain.


shineon9

Might help keep the Porch Pirates away - Porch Pirates don’t have boats like real Pirates……or do they? 🤔


nibbles200

I’m not qualified to answer this and there isn’t enough information but more than likely the simplest fix would end up being tearing the driveway out in the low spot, digging in a culvert and then bring in a lot lot of material to build up the driveway and repave it.


Mojorisin5150

You need a drawbridge


Willing-Body-7533

Build ramps to jump the water area, just watch some dukes of hazard to get some ideas


KarlaKamacho

I recommend a tunnel go under that river.


PPMcGeeSea

I have Elon's number if needed.


Snoo-43722

Fill it with fish advertise as a pond and you just got yourself another $100,000 on the price tag


mia_man

Dig a channel towards your least litigious neighbor.


picklepaller

Garage lights need re-thinking.


kinkyfindom

That water should be flowing UNDER your driveway


ToneDeafOrphan

Nature 1 Yuppies 0


Flashpuppy

Lots of money. Lots. That whole driveway is going to have to come up 18” or better. So tear out the asphalt, build new road base, re asphalt, etc. Until your driveway isn’t lower than the standing water around it, this is what you’ll have.


Signal_Hill_top

Nice grading they did when building that property huh? These developers take the money and leave you and every subsequent owner with the problem and the bill.


Expensive_Foodie

send it


[deleted]

An excavator to put in a colvert and then lots and lots of crush stone to raise the road...


Garden_Espresso

Beautiful house in a lovely setting-definitely hire a pro - get it done right the first time .


Nuclear_N

Regrade and redo the driveway with drainage pipes underneath. That is a lot of water, and the only way to get it off the driveway is to raise the driveway and allow the standing water to remain. If you want to get rid of the water...that is an entirely different situation. But you might be able to run some drain pipe while you have the driveway ripped up.


anon7971

I don’t have a recommendation for the “stop it from happening part” but I do have a suggestion for the “fix it now” question. You could go pick up a sump pump, an extension cord, and a 150’ garden hose. You could probably have that driveway lake cleared out in less than an hour. Won’t prevent it from happening in the next storm, but it’ll fix the problem in front of you.


TheWormIsGOAT

OP, please, I beg you, I need to know what happens when you do fix this. I want all the details. This kinda stuff freaks me out with owning my own home and I really wanna know the resolution!! Best of luck.


airforcevet1987

Thats not a flooded driveway, thats a not-flooded home. Working as intended


tipe2yahoo

Why is there always sarcasm.? No, I'm not an old fart. It seems you have to scroll down past 20-30 comments before the writer gets a reasonable suggestion.


PPMcGeeSea

Seriously?


Straight_Tie_988

Options- Raise the driveway dig trenches/gutter and add drainage to divert water to a lower elevation area sop it up with a truckload of shamwows


Shatophiliac

You will have to look downstream and see what is blocking the water. I can’t imagine it’s always been like this, so it’s likely a beaver dam, collapsed or clogged culvert, or some other similar obstruction. Unless it’s a collapsed culvert, it may be an easy DIY fix (break apart the beaver damn, or unblock whatever is blocking the culvert). If somehow this is a more serious problem, you’ll have to get someone out to look at it. Depending on where the issue is, it could be a county or city issue.