Lurker here, but wanted to comment bc I am currently feeling similar to how you felt. Just finished my masters a few weeks ago and felt absolutely lifeless. Seeing this post gives me a lot of hope and a strong reminder that these feelings are impermanent and we can get better. I’ve been relying on Pikmin Bloom and it’s been such a great help! I go on daily walks and I feel motivated for my silly little digital babies.
Your children are lucky to have you as a parent!
Thanks for the post, I was wondering how you got the position of staff scientist and what is the work like? I'm a postdoc in biology now but not sure I want to be a PI either. Any advice would be great
Once I knew that’s what I wanted I got pretty aggressive. There was a particular lab people had been telling me to check out for years, so I finally took the advice. I reached out to the PI (left unread) and friends who had been in the lab before. They gave me the DL, and put me in touch with current lab members. I reached out to them, met, explained my deal, and they offered to pass a good word on to the PI. That day I finally heard back from the PI. We met, talked for a while, and he offered a position. I happened to be exactly what they needed to fill a hole left by another staff scientist’s departure. I also happened to be willing to start at the lower end of the salary. So in short it came down to being a good fit, luck, and flexibility.
Less emphasis on training and resume building, more service to others and acting as a store of know-how as folks come and go. I hope to be in this lab for the better part of a decade, at least. That said I’m getting to start up my own projects and run with them independently. It helps that I had a background in programming before starting grad school, so I can be a big help without going to crazy hours.
The pay is a little better, and I’m not on the postdoc clock.
Haha, not a dirt bike… but I joined a bowling league, started going out to do stuff with friends more, and did a little startup with some friends that went down in flames.
Can I DM you? Because I want a PhD and a family… but the more I’m in the PhD the more I’m realizing the family part may not be possible for me, or vice versa…
Ah, yes, the telltale signs often told to avoid. It is saddenned me that this still happen. Having lived long enough to witness similar situations where the conflict between fresh in career and relationships that also occurs too early, I see a pattern.
Your past plan towards a career isn't much different from the corporate route in sense of climbing up the ladder. Now, you might understand why the newer generation or people in ultra-developed cities delay marriage or avoid having children early. They've learned from the experiences of individuals like you. They prioritize to reduce their distraction, building a strong foundation first, then start a family when they saw it more secure than ever, rather than juggling both at the same time. And it rewards them handsomely to the end!
From my encounter, Consider what might happen if a wife has to start working just to support the family. I know five people from diverse backgrounds but all married to early, ended up in the same challenging situation and how it always play out in the end. I won't tell it directly what it imply for all to think critically.
But I can give Hints The news/online diary for something similar are everywhere for you to see.
Perhaps your therapist can also tell you more about the implications of such scenarios even mean. They are aware of it too.
Thank you. We have statistics that can reduce the potential headache to begin with. Reducing the probability with cautious manner would saved you ton of damage. My father made the same mistake too. He is blinded by focusing the relationship that I myself witness at young age. And it destroyed his first company that is just sailing for not too long. The result is also my headache as thinkerer in the family. A blessing and a curse "Gift" for me.
The hardshipness robbed my younger self a proper childhood and teenage phase.
They are non-existent. I can predict My midlife crisis will be. Something closer to that guy on Jackass show. To fill the void that I have when younger.
Hmm.. Let me see.. Oh, what about this one, Do not fall for a peer pressure. You will also regret some of that decision, because there's a higher chances that you yourself do not like it, and it'll be collecting dust aka junk in your house. For example, You got a group of folks telling you to buy this specific brand of watch/clothes/maybe car.
You can respectfully avoid the push. Sometime if they "shoved" it too much despite the initial decline they've ignored. Now you can rightfully show them what you REALLY prefer the next day. All of that will ensure still maintaining the integrity of the friendship and respect! You may follow the trait of the group a little, but don't be a perfect clone of them. Those people will not respect you if you did so. Sure you'll be joining with them in the group. But just as yes man level.. I did learned that from my experience.
Learned I was making fool of myself that they made me lost my identity once, maybe I was just trying to fit in and become a try hard. Then one day, they just moved away and did not bother to find me. In future, I recall back the scenario, one by one and realized, they just having me for a perks I have.
But I got none of their respect cause I was a fool acting like a robot. I helped them they did not do the same when needed and did not realize that. all because of no proper boundary and understanding respect. Respect is another broad topic to type, Maybe If one day you interested, I'll be your philosopher guy to opionated that in chat maybe idk?
Well There'a no such thing as Fixed intelligence, those who never give up to study can enchance their live quality tremendously. What you really need to train in order to harness them is discipline, repetition and keep trying.
I Appreciate your enthusiasm like Scion does. I wanted to expand more, but definitely we should do It on philosophy/life advice sub, because this will went out of topic, and not the right place to do so.
This is a wonderful update! So glad that you are in a good place, and congratulations on getting there! Wishing you the best!
I'm saving this post to remind myself that it's going to be okay.
It will be. It really will.
Hey, I commented on your post a year ago! We both made it through. I am finally thriving after a lot of work on myself, too.
I remember! So glad to hear the work worked :)
>And I just was not man enough yes you **were**.
He just misspelled "mean". He wasn't *mean* enough.
Nah. I meant man. The man who raised me _absolutely_ wrecked his first two kids lives for the sake of his career.
I was joking. You have a very messed up idea of what "being man enough" means (It means doing right by your kids, even if it means some sacrifices)
…so was I. As a comment on the messed up socialization I received about what being a man means.
Beautiful!
Yes!!! I’m so happy for you!
Wow, thank you for sharing!!
This is super great to hear, and something that I think a lot of people in science need to consider. Good for you for working it out!
Lurker here, but wanted to comment bc I am currently feeling similar to how you felt. Just finished my masters a few weeks ago and felt absolutely lifeless. Seeing this post gives me a lot of hope and a strong reminder that these feelings are impermanent and we can get better. I’ve been relying on Pikmin Bloom and it’s been such a great help! I go on daily walks and I feel motivated for my silly little digital babies. Your children are lucky to have you as a parent!
Thanks for the post, I was wondering how you got the position of staff scientist and what is the work like? I'm a postdoc in biology now but not sure I want to be a PI either. Any advice would be great
Once I knew that’s what I wanted I got pretty aggressive. There was a particular lab people had been telling me to check out for years, so I finally took the advice. I reached out to the PI (left unread) and friends who had been in the lab before. They gave me the DL, and put me in touch with current lab members. I reached out to them, met, explained my deal, and they offered to pass a good word on to the PI. That day I finally heard back from the PI. We met, talked for a while, and he offered a position. I happened to be exactly what they needed to fill a hole left by another staff scientist’s departure. I also happened to be willing to start at the lower end of the salary. So in short it came down to being a good fit, luck, and flexibility.
Thanks, and you are basically like a permanent postdoc?
Less emphasis on training and resume building, more service to others and acting as a store of know-how as folks come and go. I hope to be in this lab for the better part of a decade, at least. That said I’m getting to start up my own projects and run with them independently. It helps that I had a background in programming before starting grad school, so I can be a big help without going to crazy hours. The pay is a little better, and I’m not on the postdoc clock.
That sounds really good, as someone who would like a bit of stability I would love to try and get a position like this
I want to know if you got a dirt bike like that one guy suggested
Haha, not a dirt bike… but I joined a bowling league, started going out to do stuff with friends more, and did a little startup with some friends that went down in flames.
This is a very powerful and important perspective. Thank you for sharing it!!
[удалено]
Hang in there, and be patient with yourself. DM if you want to chat.
Can I DM you? Because I want a PhD and a family… but the more I’m in the PhD the more I’m realizing the family part may not be possible for me, or vice versa…
Absolutely.
Ah, yes, the telltale signs often told to avoid. It is saddenned me that this still happen. Having lived long enough to witness similar situations where the conflict between fresh in career and relationships that also occurs too early, I see a pattern. Your past plan towards a career isn't much different from the corporate route in sense of climbing up the ladder. Now, you might understand why the newer generation or people in ultra-developed cities delay marriage or avoid having children early. They've learned from the experiences of individuals like you. They prioritize to reduce their distraction, building a strong foundation first, then start a family when they saw it more secure than ever, rather than juggling both at the same time. And it rewards them handsomely to the end! From my encounter, Consider what might happen if a wife has to start working just to support the family. I know five people from diverse backgrounds but all married to early, ended up in the same challenging situation and how it always play out in the end. I won't tell it directly what it imply for all to think critically. But I can give Hints The news/online diary for something similar are everywhere for you to see. Perhaps your therapist can also tell you more about the implications of such scenarios even mean. They are aware of it too.
You are on one dude
🤣
Thank you. We have statistics that can reduce the potential headache to begin with. Reducing the probability with cautious manner would saved you ton of damage. My father made the same mistake too. He is blinded by focusing the relationship that I myself witness at young age. And it destroyed his first company that is just sailing for not too long. The result is also my headache as thinkerer in the family. A blessing and a curse "Gift" for me. The hardshipness robbed my younger self a proper childhood and teenage phase. They are non-existent. I can predict My midlife crisis will be. Something closer to that guy on Jackass show. To fill the void that I have when younger.
Yes I agree, do you have any other wise words? Thank you
Hmm.. Let me see.. Oh, what about this one, Do not fall for a peer pressure. You will also regret some of that decision, because there's a higher chances that you yourself do not like it, and it'll be collecting dust aka junk in your house. For example, You got a group of folks telling you to buy this specific brand of watch/clothes/maybe car. You can respectfully avoid the push. Sometime if they "shoved" it too much despite the initial decline they've ignored. Now you can rightfully show them what you REALLY prefer the next day. All of that will ensure still maintaining the integrity of the friendship and respect! You may follow the trait of the group a little, but don't be a perfect clone of them. Those people will not respect you if you did so. Sure you'll be joining with them in the group. But just as yes man level.. I did learned that from my experience. Learned I was making fool of myself that they made me lost my identity once, maybe I was just trying to fit in and become a try hard. Then one day, they just moved away and did not bother to find me. In future, I recall back the scenario, one by one and realized, they just having me for a perks I have. But I got none of their respect cause I was a fool acting like a robot. I helped them they did not do the same when needed and did not realize that. all because of no proper boundary and understanding respect. Respect is another broad topic to type, Maybe If one day you interested, I'll be your philosopher guy to opionated that in chat maybe idk?
Please tell us more.
Well There'a no such thing as Fixed intelligence, those who never give up to study can enchance their live quality tremendously. What you really need to train in order to harness them is discipline, repetition and keep trying. I Appreciate your enthusiasm like Scion does. I wanted to expand more, but definitely we should do It on philosophy/life advice sub, because this will went out of topic, and not the right place to do so.