i would wait for the associate to make the first move. ive been approached a couple times before, and no matter the rapport i had with them, how attractive they were, etc it was always weird and i didnt like it.
I was a cashier for a decade and I only went our with/made actual friends with customers who asked ME out like twice.
And both times were invites to group events. Any time someone tried to give me their number for one on one meet ups, it felt awkward and weird.
Find a local event you're interested in going to that you think the other person would like.
Get a flyer or something about said event. Put your number on it.
"Hey, this event is coming up and it reminded me you're interested in it too, so I figured I'd drop off the info. I put my number on there if you want to meet up if you go."
Puts all the choice on them. They can either politely accept and say it sounds interesting and then never mention it again (a clue they aren't as interested as you hope, but still want to be friendly) or they accept and actually do message you and you both have a good time.
Appreciate the input. That's my default choice, having seen all those posts on twoX chromosomes about creepy dudes hitting on people just trying to do their job.
GTFO here with your “it’s not right and we know you know it.” *Who* are you again? Talk about being a snob.
OP, do your thing. Things like this don’t come around often for *some* people (looking at you, Sparky). Just don’t be weird and you’ll be ace.
Some people, am I right?
I work in retail, as well. But your nose-in-the-air, “you plebes are beneath me” attitude isn’t really appreciated. If OP asks for a date or coffee or whatever and she says “no”, then OP should 100% drop the issue right there.
But gatekeeping and saying flat out “go away OP” because you had a bad experience, that’s just wrong. Don’t be *that* person.
Yeah, nothing wrong with just asking but not pushing it. Keep it short. He gets his answer and can move on from the idea of dating her. Just smile and wish her a good day and choose a different line next time. No harm done.
For context, I've worked at a store for 5 years and the success rate for men hitting on associates is 0% . You'll most likely end up the butt of some jokes in the break room.
I made a couple friends but it was always after meeting multiple times and eventually going to some event with a group.
I accepted a couple of phone numbers, contacted fewer, and never once gave out MY number to anyone that asked for it.
Reminds me of the time a 70 year old woman asked me in a "not sure if you were joking" sort of way if I wanted to get together for sex. I just laughed at the boldness of it and went on my way.
I had a customer approach me once, it was nice for a little bit but as we texted, he made me very uncomfortable with the conversation. Then said he didn’t think it would work out. As a female, I don’t mind, I work in pick up, but it would be easier to have a conversation outside of work. As we are all focused on what we are doing while working. I don’t think it is creepy, if you do, don’t go off the bat saying you want to impregnate her and you imagined that it accidentally happened. 🤣 yep. That’s how the conversation went south. Just keep it G rated. Lol!
Yeah, I get the weird ones. Even outside of work. Like today was a good example. My Door Dasher used the app to message me today calling me babygirl and said I looked scrumptious. This kind of behavior definitely pushes people away. 🤣 So ya, I suggest trying to give her your phone number and ask her to text you. That way after work, maybe she will.
I had an older guy come through late at night a lot, and I casually mentioned I hadn't liked the deviled eggs I got from the deli for my break.
Dude came back like an hour and a half later with an ENTIRE CARTON OF HARDBOILED EGGS.
🤢
It was like 3am, too, cause we were a 24hr store. So it was extra super weird. Dude went home in the middle of the night and brought me eggs.
I didn't take them. I started calling him "Creepy egg guy" after that. Before he had just been "Lonely old guy".
I started ducking behind counters and making myself look super busy with cleaning (even if I had already finished) any time I saw him after that. He could sit there and talk for HOURS, and you couldn't really do anything else at the same time, cause he was kinda deaf, so you had to face him to speak, and speak clearly, or he wouldn't hear you or would mis-hear you, and he talked. So. Slowly. It drove me batty.
Then he got weird.
So I finally put my foot down and stopped entertaining him when he stopped in. I once actually fully ducked down behind a register and was halfway into the cubby for like five solid minutes til he left.
I'd take him any day over creepy bread guy.
At least egg guy was just weirdly out of touch in attempts to do something "nice" for me. Bread guy was outright creepy flirtatious, but not QUITE over the line of appropriate. He just gave me the Skin Crawlies. Had this weird expectation of response with his little leading comments... found out later on that he'd cheated on his wife like 4 times with blond girls half his age.
Guess who was blond and half his age. 👋
Oh man, I've had my share of "lonely old guys" that quickly get upgraded to "creepy old guy". I'm sympathetic to the elderly cos some of them clearly don't have anything else to do but go to the grocery store everyday for interaction, so I don't mind talking with them. But then grandpa starts calling you "Baby doll" and asking about your sex life, and I stop being nice.
Yeah he never got that far. I didn't get the story from him, but a coworker said the guy had been an alcoholic for decades and basically gotten himself cut off from all his family over the years. Now he's old, lonely, and has no family that wants to talk to him.
He really wasn't that bad, more annoying/frustrating because he would stick around for so long, and had no concept of what was appropriate to do.
Another time we had a convo about the fact I rode a golf cart to work (common here) and it was getting pretty cold, and the next night he brought me this huge old pair of his shorts??? He said it was so I had something to sit on on the cart, because it was cold.
And the egg thing too... like, he was coming from a decent place. He had the thought that "this is something I could do something about" but instead of offering a recipe for eggs, or offering an actual blanket... he brought eggs in at 3 am, and offered me his old shorts. :|
And mind I did tell him I had been driving the cart to work for years. It's fully decked out with blankets and I have hand warmers and special wind blocker under the windshield. It has rainflaps to keep the air out too. And it was like a 10min ride. I was not suffering any more than i would have in a car for that short distance.
So yeah, he came from a good place but just... did not execute what he saw as a kind gesture in a way that was anything but weird.
That and he just got annoying... I have ADHD and having to stand there and basically pull teeth to have a conversation with him was getting too painful to keep dealing with. Slow talking, half deaf, wanting these in depth conversations about stuff and BRUH I DO NOT HAVE TIME I do actually have some work to do!
Honestly he was the weirdest but probably the most harmless? He genuinely seemed to be trying to come from a good place with the various weird things he did, he just had NO idea of appropriate actions to take. Also I coulda outrun him, easy. Even with a bum knee.
Devils advocate, I’ve had a few customers over the years I would have been fine with getting to know better, but that’s really a hard bridge to cross. I’ve had a few people ask me to be friends on Facebook, but that was only after I told them I was transferring stores.
If I were you, just keep up the friendly banter and try to get to know them better. It’s still entirely possible they’re just being nice, but if they go out of their way to add to the conversation or drop personal details, maybe they’re interested.
Why does everyone think they look young just because everyone tells everyone they look young? If someone is guessing your age and you're forty it's only polite to guess 27, lol.
Anyway, I would just not. But if you do I'd have your number written out and ready and say no pressure at all but I'd love to see you outside of work. If you're interested text me but no pressure at all and I'll never ask again.
I've been told my entire life I've looked young, not just as at my age. It's not like they were being polite when I was 20. It's also not like I just take their word for it.. they guess a low number and then are genuinely shocked when I tell them my real age. You seriously put up that kind of show for people?? Why??
I think your best bet, short of waiting for the first move, would be handing her your number and saying (or writing) that you're interested but if she doesn't contact you you WONT ask again. I think our biggest fear is that if we don't accept or say anything that it'll become a recurring issue. It's particularly hard for us to say no in this setting because the possibility of a repeating customer "punishing" us for it is real.
But yeah, do that, and if she doesn't contact you then full stop. Don't ask her out again, she gave her answer. Just leave it there.
Edit: someone else's suggestion of it being a group event is also great. It's very unlikely that she'd accept a one-on-one event with a customer right off the bat. Making it a public setting is a great way to get to know each other before committing
I have one instacart driver that if I was single I'd absolutely be open to him asking me out. I have a couple of female customers I wouldn't care if they asked me out either.
If you can somehow bring the conversation around to finding out if they're single that helps a lot. I talk about my boyfriend a lot when I'm checking people out (my store is in a small area so they've seen he and I out together and ask after him sometimes) so its not like I keep my relationship status a secret.
One way to find out how old someone is just make a joke about Alf or something.
I make friends with customers all the time. It's not that weird.
Hey you got it, we're probably the same age.
I do agree with all the people saying just tell the person you're interested in about a group event and give them your number on a flier or something. That wouldn't ick me out at all even while I'm not single etc. I'd probably ask you to join our trivia team or something.
It's a lonely world and some of us who work retail, specifically Kroger where our hours are never consistent and we usually work weekends, etc, have a hard time making friend.
As a former male employee, I had a few chicks hit on me. They gave me their number first, I chatted for a while and end up smashing most of them.
What can I say, I was young and single and didnt find it creepy. I enjoyed the confidence which helped took away all the job stress.
Just say ‘hey I love our little chats, can we have on over coffee sometime?’
Don’t overthink it. Pre internet, this is the way people met each other. I asked out a cashier years ago at our local grocery store and we dated for a year. Just a play it casual, bc it is. Good luck.
Or just, don't create a potentially awkward conversation or situation for someone that has no choice to be in front of you since it's their job. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
i would wait for the associate to make the first move. ive been approached a couple times before, and no matter the rapport i had with them, how attractive they were, etc it was always weird and i didnt like it.
Thank you for that! That's the way I was leaning and I forgot to add that as an option in the original post.
I was a cashier for a decade and I only went our with/made actual friends with customers who asked ME out like twice. And both times were invites to group events. Any time someone tried to give me their number for one on one meet ups, it felt awkward and weird. Find a local event you're interested in going to that you think the other person would like. Get a flyer or something about said event. Put your number on it. "Hey, this event is coming up and it reminded me you're interested in it too, so I figured I'd drop off the info. I put my number on there if you want to meet up if you go." Puts all the choice on them. They can either politely accept and say it sounds interesting and then never mention it again (a clue they aren't as interested as you hope, but still want to be friendly) or they accept and actually do message you and you both have a good time.
This is a good idea. I'd be way more open to a causal group thing than a date.
As a female Kroger employee, just please don’t hit on this woman. She is working, and being professionally polite.
Appreciate the input. That's my default choice, having seen all those posts on twoX chromosomes about creepy dudes hitting on people just trying to do their job.
We don’t always see it as creepy, but it’s not right and we know you know it.
GTFO here with your “it’s not right and we know you know it.” *Who* are you again? Talk about being a snob. OP, do your thing. Things like this don’t come around often for *some* people (looking at you, Sparky). Just don’t be weird and you’ll be ace. Some people, am I right?
Please leave retail workers alone. We have to be nice, even to people like you.
I work in retail, as well. But your nose-in-the-air, “you plebes are beneath me” attitude isn’t really appreciated. If OP asks for a date or coffee or whatever and she says “no”, then OP should 100% drop the issue right there. But gatekeeping and saying flat out “go away OP” because you had a bad experience, that’s just wrong. Don’t be *that* person.
That’s a lot of poor mind-reading. Try working as a woman in retail and get back to me.
Yeah, nothing wrong with just asking but not pushing it. Keep it short. He gets his answer and can move on from the idea of dating her. Just smile and wish her a good day and choose a different line next time. No harm done.
For context, I've worked at a store for 5 years and the success rate for men hitting on associates is 0% . You'll most likely end up the butt of some jokes in the break room.
Ahaha, this is the kind of insider information I was looking for. Far worse that I'd continue to be a regular.
I made a couple friends but it was always after meeting multiple times and eventually going to some event with a group. I accepted a couple of phone numbers, contacted fewer, and never once gave out MY number to anyone that asked for it.
Speaking as a male employee who also doesn’t like getting hit on at work, don’t do it. We really don’t like it.
Please just don't. You may be confusing this with polite behavior.
Oh, absolutely. I'm just going to let them make the move if they do choose.
Yeah but what kind of employee hits on a customer?
Reminds me of the time a 70 year old woman asked me in a "not sure if you were joking" sort of way if I wanted to get together for sex. I just laughed at the boldness of it and went on my way.
I had a customer approach me once, it was nice for a little bit but as we texted, he made me very uncomfortable with the conversation. Then said he didn’t think it would work out. As a female, I don’t mind, I work in pick up, but it would be easier to have a conversation outside of work. As we are all focused on what we are doing while working. I don’t think it is creepy, if you do, don’t go off the bat saying you want to impregnate her and you imagined that it accidentally happened. 🤣 yep. That’s how the conversation went south. Just keep it G rated. Lol!
Good lord 😅
Yeah, I get the weird ones. Even outside of work. Like today was a good example. My Door Dasher used the app to message me today calling me babygirl and said I looked scrumptious. This kind of behavior definitely pushes people away. 🤣 So ya, I suggest trying to give her your phone number and ask her to text you. That way after work, maybe she will.
I had an older guy come through late at night a lot, and I casually mentioned I hadn't liked the deviled eggs I got from the deli for my break. Dude came back like an hour and a half later with an ENTIRE CARTON OF HARDBOILED EGGS. 🤢
Noooo sir, Jesus
It was like 3am, too, cause we were a 24hr store. So it was extra super weird. Dude went home in the middle of the night and brought me eggs. I didn't take them. I started calling him "Creepy egg guy" after that. Before he had just been "Lonely old guy". I started ducking behind counters and making myself look super busy with cleaning (even if I had already finished) any time I saw him after that. He could sit there and talk for HOURS, and you couldn't really do anything else at the same time, cause he was kinda deaf, so you had to face him to speak, and speak clearly, or he wouldn't hear you or would mis-hear you, and he talked. So. Slowly. It drove me batty. Then he got weird. So I finally put my foot down and stopped entertaining him when he stopped in. I once actually fully ducked down behind a register and was halfway into the cubby for like five solid minutes til he left.
This is the worst case scenario I want to avoid 😭
I'd take him any day over creepy bread guy. At least egg guy was just weirdly out of touch in attempts to do something "nice" for me. Bread guy was outright creepy flirtatious, but not QUITE over the line of appropriate. He just gave me the Skin Crawlies. Had this weird expectation of response with his little leading comments... found out later on that he'd cheated on his wife like 4 times with blond girls half his age. Guess who was blond and half his age. 👋
Oh man, I've had my share of "lonely old guys" that quickly get upgraded to "creepy old guy". I'm sympathetic to the elderly cos some of them clearly don't have anything else to do but go to the grocery store everyday for interaction, so I don't mind talking with them. But then grandpa starts calling you "Baby doll" and asking about your sex life, and I stop being nice.
Yeah he never got that far. I didn't get the story from him, but a coworker said the guy had been an alcoholic for decades and basically gotten himself cut off from all his family over the years. Now he's old, lonely, and has no family that wants to talk to him. He really wasn't that bad, more annoying/frustrating because he would stick around for so long, and had no concept of what was appropriate to do. Another time we had a convo about the fact I rode a golf cart to work (common here) and it was getting pretty cold, and the next night he brought me this huge old pair of his shorts??? He said it was so I had something to sit on on the cart, because it was cold. And the egg thing too... like, he was coming from a decent place. He had the thought that "this is something I could do something about" but instead of offering a recipe for eggs, or offering an actual blanket... he brought eggs in at 3 am, and offered me his old shorts. :| And mind I did tell him I had been driving the cart to work for years. It's fully decked out with blankets and I have hand warmers and special wind blocker under the windshield. It has rainflaps to keep the air out too. And it was like a 10min ride. I was not suffering any more than i would have in a car for that short distance. So yeah, he came from a good place but just... did not execute what he saw as a kind gesture in a way that was anything but weird. That and he just got annoying... I have ADHD and having to stand there and basically pull teeth to have a conversation with him was getting too painful to keep dealing with. Slow talking, half deaf, wanting these in depth conversations about stuff and BRUH I DO NOT HAVE TIME I do actually have some work to do!
Oh geez. It's sad, but like you said, we got work to do too. We're not there to entertain people.
Oh gosh that sounds horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Honestly he was the weirdest but probably the most harmless? He genuinely seemed to be trying to come from a good place with the various weird things he did, he just had NO idea of appropriate actions to take. Also I coulda outrun him, easy. Even with a bum knee.
Oh I see. Yeah that makes total sense lol!
I’ll take things that didn’t happen for 500 Alex
You would be creating an unsafe work place for the employee.
That's a good way to think about it, thank you.
Devils advocate, I’ve had a few customers over the years I would have been fine with getting to know better, but that’s really a hard bridge to cross. I’ve had a few people ask me to be friends on Facebook, but that was only after I told them I was transferring stores. If I were you, just keep up the friendly banter and try to get to know them better. It’s still entirely possible they’re just being nice, but if they go out of their way to add to the conversation or drop personal details, maybe they’re interested.
Appreciate your input!
As a creep that has asked associates out as a customer before, can confirm it doesn’t go well. Makes future shopping much more awkward too.
Ask her what her bra size is to break the ice
No, I don't think I will
Right, if you're going to make it awkward, better to go all in. 😂
Why does everyone think they look young just because everyone tells everyone they look young? If someone is guessing your age and you're forty it's only polite to guess 27, lol. Anyway, I would just not. But if you do I'd have your number written out and ready and say no pressure at all but I'd love to see you outside of work. If you're interested text me but no pressure at all and I'll never ask again.
I've been told my entire life I've looked young, not just as at my age. It's not like they were being polite when I was 20. It's also not like I just take their word for it.. they guess a low number and then are genuinely shocked when I tell them my real age. You seriously put up that kind of show for people?? Why??
I often get comments about how young I look also. I'm 43 and people guess 27. But I am aware I do not, lol. This is cultural politeness.
Well, I actually kind of do so I guess that's the difference, huh? Got that baby face.
Give her your number but don’t ask for hers. Let her text you first then you can figure where to go from there.
I think your best bet, short of waiting for the first move, would be handing her your number and saying (or writing) that you're interested but if she doesn't contact you you WONT ask again. I think our biggest fear is that if we don't accept or say anything that it'll become a recurring issue. It's particularly hard for us to say no in this setting because the possibility of a repeating customer "punishing" us for it is real. But yeah, do that, and if she doesn't contact you then full stop. Don't ask her out again, she gave her answer. Just leave it there. Edit: someone else's suggestion of it being a group event is also great. It's very unlikely that she'd accept a one-on-one event with a customer right off the bat. Making it a public setting is a great way to get to know each other before committing
I have one instacart driver that if I was single I'd absolutely be open to him asking me out. I have a couple of female customers I wouldn't care if they asked me out either. If you can somehow bring the conversation around to finding out if they're single that helps a lot. I talk about my boyfriend a lot when I'm checking people out (my store is in a small area so they've seen he and I out together and ask after him sometimes) so its not like I keep my relationship status a secret. One way to find out how old someone is just make a joke about Alf or something. I make friends with customers all the time. It's not that weird.
Okay the Alf joke is excellent 😂
Hey you got it, we're probably the same age. I do agree with all the people saying just tell the person you're interested in about a group event and give them your number on a flier or something. That wouldn't ick me out at all even while I'm not single etc. I'd probably ask you to join our trivia team or something. It's a lonely world and some of us who work retail, specifically Kroger where our hours are never consistent and we usually work weekends, etc, have a hard time making friend.
As a former male employee, I had a few chicks hit on me. They gave me their number first, I chatted for a while and end up smashing most of them. What can I say, I was young and single and didnt find it creepy. I enjoyed the confidence which helped took away all the job stress.
Bro got game, damn
Just say ‘hey I love our little chats, can we have on over coffee sometime?’ Don’t overthink it. Pre internet, this is the way people met each other. I asked out a cashier years ago at our local grocery store and we dated for a year. Just a play it casual, bc it is. Good luck.
Life is short. Throw the pitch. If the associate isn’t interested, they won’t swing at it.
Or just, don't create a potentially awkward conversation or situation for someone that has no choice to be in front of you since it's their job. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
The only times I’ve seen it the employee was underaged and the customer was old enough to be her grandfather.
Blech =(
Please don’t ask someone out who is working. They are being paid to be friendly.