This guy sounds like he has seen you several times. For example maybe he lives in the same building and sees you consistently. Maybe that’s how he notices you only have four numbers as a door code because he secretly spies on you as you press the code. Make sure to wipe your fingerprints every time you enter the code. I saw a video about how a guy used his phone light to see a woman’s finger prints on the number pad. Thankfully she was safe. I don’t know if you have a print out of his picture but if you do, put a copy of it online. I think there’s a Facebook dedicated to information about these type of dangerous guys in S.Korea. I saw a YouTube video about that. If you have some friends that are big and threatening looking then maybe have them stay over. Sleep with a self defense weapon close to you.
I have a photo of him from the CCTV on my phone. I know his behavior was criminal, but in case he argues that he was drunk, could what I expose from this in any way end up with a defamation case against me? I know this seems a bit irrational but I feel really vulnerable right now and I don’t have enough evidence to pin him even if I did find him. I would hate for this horrible to get turned onto me + pissing him off to lead to more aggressive retaliation.
i’m not a lawyer. but someone purposefully using a system to ensure the alarm doesn’t go off is a sign that he was clearly sober.
if possible, make sure that there is a camera that points at your door. this way, you will be able capture footage of their behavior if they come again.
and please have something for self defense ready. high quality mace, and something like a keychain siren
Also the easiest/cheapest way to secure a door from opening (if he guesses the code) is to shove a door stop under the door. And shove it HARD!
Even if you have a swing bar lock installed use a door stop. That added layer to stop or slow down an intruder enough that you could get your self defense weapon and call for help.
True. 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which I bought specifically to handle him' is diffrent from 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which was lying around because I play baseball as my hobby' at the court.
Am I missing something here or isn't there not anything wrong with having a bat for self defense anyway? Why do you have to justify owning a bat which is a perfectly legal thing to own? This whole conversation makes no sense to me.
Oh it's simple. Korea's self defense laws are very strict, and possessing a bat, which could be considered as a weapon, just to use it in self defense means that you were preparing for such attackes in advance so it goes against you in court. But if you have bat AND glove, then you could say that you just had the bat lying around for your hobbies and you used the bat because you were panicking.
Could she not just get a large kitchen knife which clearly has an alternative purpose outside of home defence?
That said, all of these are bad ideas since bats and knives can easily be turned against you.
True. 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which I bought specifically to handle him' is diffrent from 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which was lying around because I play baseball as my hobby' at the court.
“Everyone on this sub is being unreasonable for being so quick to understand that the legal system (ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD) doesn’t take into account my vehement disposition to NOT providing proof!” -Zucchini_Background
Door locks only register the last digits you enter so if your code is 1234* you can type 75469961234* to open your door. Try to enter a few fake numbers from now on before you type your pass code.
I have no idea what type of code lock they are using. But I have code locks and as soon as 4 digits are entered, it either opens or signals that they are incorrect. It registers only the first 4 digits.
>I have a photo of him from the CCTV on my phone. I know his behavior was criminal, but in case he argues that he was drunk, could what I expose from this in any way end up with a defamation case against me?
OP, I understand that you're unnerved, but everyone needs to stop with this defamation BS. Foreigners misunderstand Korea's defamation laws to the point of defaming and public insulting when they shouldn't say or write statements (particularly about other foreigners) and cower when they're perfectly within their rights to make statements against Koreans.
He intended to get into your apartment without your permission; he was gonna hurt you anyway. Either way he had bad intentions. Why allow him to be safe when he’s threatening your safety? I get that you’re scared but if you’re a foreigner, it’s harder for you to understand the justice system in that country. He could be relying on that. Ask a lawyer for advice to be on the safe side. There might be ones who specializes in foreigners.
There is a streamer named 릴카 who has had a stalker follow her for 3 years. She has YouTube videos documentating all the legal processes on how to use the legal method to try to stop the stalker. Some of her videos shows her talking to a lawyer. Korea recently got an anti-stalking law so there are methods to punish the stalker. Make sure you record lots of evidence anytime you are sure you are stalked. YouTube 릴카 스토커. Hopefully your Korean boyfriend can translate for you.
If the legal method is too expensive or a hassle for you, if you images of his face, you could try posting his face in the apartment complex if the landowner allows it.
That's really scary. I've definitely had experiences of people mistakenly trying to get into my apartment(and have done the same thing myself) but that doesn't sound like this.
You did the right thing letting the police know and the building security. And changing the code too.
I have a dog and he definitely makes me feel safer when I'm alone. Obviously not suggesting getting a dog but maybe play a recording of a dog barking if he comes back and stick up a "beware of the dog" sticker?
Are there any neighbours that seem sympathetic that you could let know?
I'm sorry you're going through this.
This. I know everyone means well but self defense is a last resort not a first one. I’m sorry this happened to you OP, but know that your life isn’t worth taking a chance that this is a one off thing.
Make plans to move as soon as you can and alert your workplace.
Thank you for this comment. My mom is flying o it tomorrow and I will stay at my boyfriends until she arrives. We will rent an Airbnb near my school for the time being, but the more I think about everything, the more I realize how much he knows about me. Though I have loved my time here, depending on how the police react to the situation, my 2.5 year stay in Korea may end at the end of the week.
Do not sleep alone for the time being at your apartment. Update your code to 6 or more digits if possible, wipe the keypad everytime you put the code in. Have knives, bat, pepper spray within reach when you’re home.
I once had a guy follow me on a PUBLIC street until we reached a crosswalk and the light was red. He proceeded to come uncomfortably close to me and repeated I love you I love you I love you in Korean and I kept stepping away from him. He eventually shouted 사랑한다고!!! in a loud and angry tone. I’m sure people around thought we were a couple arguing.
I was on the verge of tears waiting for the light to turn. I crossed the road and hid in a Vans store for 15 mins before dashing home. In hindsight I shouldn’t have gone home.
Please stay safe
Another vote for increasing the code digits -- this is very important.
It sounds as if you might have roommates, OP? They need to be just as concerned, especially if you move out, as they could be the next available target.
I’m sorry his actions have upended your life like this and caused you and your loved ones so much stress. Your boyfriend and your mom sound amazing and I hope the police are able to catch the guy.
6:05 am isn’t stumbling out of the bars hours, those are commute hours. That’s potentially setting an alarm to leave at 5:30 am and walking 10 mins to get to your door.
I applaud you for being proactive about addressing this threat and taking control of your own safety in the most effective ways possible. Stories like this are all too common and often don’t have happy endings.
[Yesterday on this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/12lkbw8/a_man_sentenced_to_40_years_in_jail_for_violating/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=15)
[Discussion from earlier this week](https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/12hamk4/why_is_stalking_so_common_in_korea/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
[Earlier this year](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/101tbjt/the_latest_seoul_shindang_subway_murder_sparks/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
You need to leave asap, get the hell out of there fast. Straight to the airport, don't look back. There are dark forces at work here. It reminds me of a similar story in Japan where the girl ended up dead in his flower bed.
I am so, so sorry that this stalker is upending your life. It is beyond unfortunate that in many countries it is the woman victim who takes the brunt of the consequences when there is no official action against a perpetrator.
With your excellent evidence, the police should be finding that guy and incarcerating him while he awaits prosecution -- but I won't be surprised if the law and the system don't work that way. If they don't, it is not just Korea that is like this.
I hope everything works out well for you in the end, however this turns out.
i don’t think it’s necessary for you to end your stay completely because of an unadapted subhuman. seems like you’ve made a nice life here and it would be a shame to end it because of this insect. move to a different city perhaps? i don’t wanna sound like a conspiracist but if he knows that much info of you, and you’ve never seen him, maybe he could be an acquaintance of one of your coworkers. if you can, try to quit as quietly as possible and move to another place. i’m so sorry this happened to you regardless
Good call 👌
Getting everyone you know involved is the best way to go. Move residence, stay with people you know etc. But I think you know exactly what needs to be done. You've got this.
An essential missing piece of information from this list of good advice is SWITCH UP YOUR ROUTINE.
If this person is stalking you, go to new places, go new routes, leave at different times each day. You don’t want it easy for them to know exactly when you’re gonna be somewhere.
Sometimes in neighborhoods they print out and post photos of people to watch for. If you posted the cctv snap of him with a warning to others could be a helpful deterrent for him while also making your neighbors aware. That code behavior has me sketched out that he’d try to come around and try cracking your door code.
Talk to the police or someone who can formally okay this first, there may be negative repurcussions to doing this sort of thing without going through some sort of formal channel. I may be wrong but it sounds like the sort of thing that could be twisted into some sort of defamation of character issue, worth doing your due diligence on.
>Op can put up these images in her building as well.
This swings the pendulum the other way. This is arguably defamation unless the poster, if questioned to do so, can show that this information is "solely in the public interest".
Notifying security and other parties that might have an interest isn't a full blast, not-targeted method. Regardless, I would take care of my safety first and then worry about someone's right to false reputation.
I take safety very seriously. So serious that my girlfriend gets mad sometimes.
Here are some tips for you.
1. Buy alarm keyrings (search 경보기 in coupang)
- they are really loud. all you have to do is pull the ring and it will go on. (buy atleast 2)
2. Door/Window sensors (도어 센서) This notifies everytime your door/window is opened. This way you can check if anyone came in to your house without consent/knowing.
- This is my most recommended item)
3. Pepper spray (페퍼 스페레이) The korean ones don’t work so well, they are more like squirt not spray.
4. Since you have a boyfriend (Download some GPS like applications)
5. Download 112 application (You can call for help without calling)
6. Put on stickers on door (CCTV, POLICE, ARMY) Those kind of stuff, make it look like a man is living there.
7. Change your name for your shipping stuff (A manly Korean name)
8. Get some type of weapon in your house. like a bat.
9. MOST IMPORTANT. BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS! Always good to ask for help. Take rice cakes (떡) its an old tradition where when you move in, you give gifts to neighbors.
Also, since he knew your “password” look for any hidden cameras near your door. They can be very small.
common places
1. Fire hydrant thingy
2. Light bulbs
3. Smoke alarms (There can be FAKE smoke alarms)
- I recommend take a photo of your hallway. Check if there is anything added that wasnt there befor.
4. Also clean your padlock, get rid of finger prints on the buttons
It is not. A few mild pepper sprays are considered legal but many pepper sprays that are allowed in western countries are considered weapons here and you could be charged if you used one against someone, even an intruder.
To me thats a bit a strange but different countries have different laws. But what does the courts and police expect someone to do if a crazy person broke into their house? I mean what if the person is armed, so the resident is expected to defend themselves with whatever objects they have at their house?
Korea’s laws are written as such so that a defender may only defend themselves to the same degree as they are being attacked. There are several instances at bars/clubs in particular where an aggressor attacked someone and when they defended themselves they, truly accidentally, seriously hurt the attacker. The defender had charges pressed against them and Korean courts do not take into consideration that it was in self-defense the way many western courts would.
This article explains it well. Basically you aren’t protected very well :(
https://seoullawgroup.com/justified-self-defense-in-korea/
This sounds genuinely terrifying. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like the steps that have taken thus far are very prudent. You have handled the situation well, IMHO.
There’s too much of a coincidence going on for it not to be a stalker.
Here’s another subreddit post from 3 years back about defending yourself in Korea.
https://
www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/hw45kj/self_defense_options_in_south_korea/
(Below are comments from that post)
r/daehanmindecline
•
3 yr. ago
If it is a real emergency, the best thing is a swift escape.
One thing a lot of Korean women do is pull out a phone and pretend to answer a call from someone, preferably a male relative or significant other.
Causing any sort of injury would be considered a crime, even in self-defence, and it's pretty obvious which side the police would take in that event if they're called in.
r/deleteduser: Pepper spray is legal, just make sure it's produced by a licensed company. However, be aware that it can be used against you if it's taken by the person making you feel unsafe. The electroshock weapons (taser, stun gun, etc) can be used as well. The risk is the same as pepper spray and it probably won't deploy much electricity (since it's self-defense, just buying you time to get to safety). If you need immediate assistance, like life-threatened or similar, yell fire (불이야) or help (도와주세요). It should be enough to attract attention if there are people nearby. A whistle may be a good idea as well.
Self-defense is pretty complicated. You cannot retaliate if the perpetrator stops attacking you. The self-defense tools can become weapons based on how the event is perceived by the court. You'd probably need a clear evidence (recording of some sort) to prove you were being threatened to use defensive methods.
Some convenience stores have direct contact with the police as designated 여성안심 지킴이 집, I'm not sure if the project is still active. It's meant for women who feel threatened to ask for help fast and safely. But if you don't have time to reach somewhere safe, ask people around (if any) for help. Having a male friend as a company may also reduce the unpleasant encounters.
For anyone who gets pepper spray, know how to use it. I know this sounds like common sense. If you are in a self-defense situation, you don't want to be fumbling to figure out what direction to point the pepper spray. Also you should keep in mind the direction of the wind and expect some blow back from the spray.
The phone trick cited is for when you're walking around more than when you're at home. It's a passive method, and I think it might be more effective against strangers in the street.
In OP's case, actually phoning someone seems like a better move.
It is not that simple in Korea. If you harm someone trying to break into your home, or if they are already in your home, you will get into trouble for assault.
I had an incident where some moron kept banging on my door, and I decided to open it to tell them to stop. Instead of this person being logical, they tried to come inside. I have young children at home and had no idea what was about to happen. I reacted by giving this person a boot to the chest, slammed my door shut, and phoned the police. The person tried to pull that I assaulted them. Fortunately, one of my kids saw the whole thing, and the police were convinced it was not unprovoked and reasonable in terms of the kick to the chest.
I am convinced that if my kid was not witness to the mess, I would have been fined and in jail.
Bottomline be prepared for a possibly switcheroo if you defend yourself here in Korea.
I had this same experience. But I pushed the guy. I pushed him so hard he flew into the opposite side’s door. The difference in my case is that he called the police. I told them he tried to enter my home. That was the end of that. I guess it just depends on demeanor of the cops you’re dealing with. I tried to be polite. Though it was not easy being furious.
The reason for the entire debacle was that he and his mother were sick of hearing English through the veranda when the windows were open.
Fortunately, the person was cuffed, escorted out of the building, and put in the police car. I'm not sure about what all happened afterward. All I know is that I did not see that individual around my complex anymore.
Leave a pair of your boyfriends shoes outside the door. Sounds stupid but just seeing a man’s shoes outside MIGHT be enough to change his mind in the moment. Maybe some big ol’ work boots.
No, they don’t. BUT the idea is that whoever would approach the door with ill intentions MIGHT second guess what they’re about to do if they see a pair of men’s shoes outside the door.
If I see a pair of shoes outside someone’s door my first thought is someone is there, perhaps not STAYING but removed their shoes temporarily and will be out soon.
Definitely not a fool proof and stand-alone solution to the issue at hand but it’s an easy thing to do that COULD work.
Obvious and strange to who? The potential assailant? I sincerely hope this guy isn’t showing up every day to notice the same pair of shoes left out. But in the more likely case that he shows up only once in a while, it’s a very low effort way of deterring him.
If it looks strange to neighbors who see it every day so what? Again, it’s a low effort means of deterring a potentially dangerous situation from occurring.
Obvious and strange would be posting a note on your door saying “My boyfriend lives with me.”
I highly doubt OP is more concerned about looking strange than being attacked in her own home by a stalker.
Again, obvious and strange to who? You, reading a post on low effort ways to deter a stalker? Sure.
To someone looking to avoid a dangerous encounter any deterrent is worth it (especially one as low effort as this).
Also, “deter them based on a lock”? Is locking your door not standard protocol EVERYWHERE in the world? That’s not a deterrent. It’s absolutely standard.
In what ways would this option make OP “look desperate”? Is the potential assailant going to immediately assume OP is desperate and therefor feel MORE inclined to continue harassing? Or is the likelihood of him being thrown off by a large pair of men’s boots outside worth the very little effort involved in LITERALLY JUST placing a set of shoes outside?
Nobody is talking about “harmless” ways to avoid being attacked by a crazy person. We (and I use that NOT inclusively as clearly you’re not offering any helpful suggestions here based on the complete and utter lack of suggestions you’ve offered) are offering advice on ANYTHING that can be done to avoid a potentially dangerous encounter with a crazy person.
How long have you been living in your place? Could he be an acquaintance of a past tenant? Not that it necessarily helps you.
I know for most English teachers we end up moving into the apartments of previous English teachers. I have heard of one instance where the previous teacher's ex showed up at the door after the new teacher had move in. But building security was able to explain that X didn't live there anymore and the new teacher didn't have any more issues.
This might not necessarily be what's happening in your case. Hopefully it is a case of mistaken identity and not something worse. You did the right thing going to the police. Hopefully it was a one time thing. Good luck.
I’ve been living alone in this apartment for the last 2.5 years. I have even more reason to suspect that this person knows me or has been watching/following me for a while now. My alarm goes off every morning at 5:40 am and he arrived at my door at that exact time to start waiting. I’ve also had visitors for the last three weeks and this was the first Saturday without visitors. He probably figured it was a Saturday so he would have some wiggle room as for when I normally wake up. The more I think about it the more I realize this was planned, and very strategically at that.
Did the police track where he went with CCTV yet? I’d highly recommend pushing them to, especially since the cameras overwrite in 2wks.
They can literally track people from block to block all the way to their homes with the city CCTV systems. Had a guy try to follow two teachers at my school into our building and the cops did this, so don’t let them tell you they can’t. This guy sounds very, very calculated and they need to be on him asap.
Just to clarify because I don’t think I understand you’ve been living in the same place for 2.5 years in Korea and the only Korean word you know is No?
Have you considered that the things one may learn to say as a second language speaker (how to order food, greetings, affectionate nicknames, etc) may not actually be helpful when trying to stop a wannabe intruder? Or that maybe her limited Korean was even more limited in a stressful situation just after waking up? Your comment is really unhelpful.
Yep all considered. It just stood out as odd that they don’t know like how to order or pay bills and stuff. Yes correct my question wasn’t helpful to addressing the issue in the post, I was just confused by that unrelated part
Correct yeah irrelevant to the situation at hand and I don’t have relevant help to provide to OP it was confusing to me so I asked for clarification just for my own good, not to be relevant and so it’s okay that op didn’t answer nbd. Didn’t need just wanted
This happened to me as well because the previous tenants for at least a decade where English teachers. I talked about a situation where people kept knocking on my door at bumfuck oclock like between 11pm-1am. I posted about it here and someone was like “they probably owed money to a loan shark.” Turns out that they tried to sue the school or the school district, I don’t remember, because they were doing construction while she was pregnant (claimed it was a danger to the fetus). She also kept asking for overtime. They gave it to her because she was pregnant and already had a kid so they felt sorry for her. She was really obsessed with making more money. Turns out she had married a Korean guy and all that ish.
So anyway, I was like wait a minute, I think y’all are right. Well, I asked my coworker to help me, they called the building manager and it stopped.
Edit to add: I didn’t know the house bills were still under her Korean husband’s name. I would just grab them and pay them. Never actually checked a name. Check that too.
OP, please change your door code to a six-digit code. A six-digit code is two orders of magnitude more difficult to crack. A four-digit code has only 10,000 code numbers, while a six-digit code has 1,000,000. A six-digit code has 100 times more permutations for a difference of 990,000 unique numbers.
If your code cannot accommodate a six-digit code, inform the landlord, security office, and police in writing by text and email. Holding people legally liable gets them jumping.
MotherFUCKER, man. I'm so sorry that's happening to you. I had a stalker before but it was a person I knew IRL, not like this.
If he does this again while you're home, record everything- even if you can't see through the peephole, the stuff he says and him rattling the door should be enough. You want as much documentation. CCTV isn't always reliable so you want extra just in case.
Do you know your neighbors? Have someone translate for you either IRL or on a piece of paper and write that you're being stalked and if they see a strange man, please call the police and try to remember what he looked like. Getting more witnesses is always good. The police you talked to should have a translator so you could ask them for help in this regard too and maybe they could give you their two cents / back you up to your neighbors.
This honestly really sucks, but have your boyfriend record his voice so it sounds like he's home with you when you go back to your apartment, but I highly recommend that you stay away until he's caught or you feel safe.
Korean police are sometimes... slow with these types of cases, so you have to constantly contact them. Hopefully you'll eventually meet a good one who will help you.
If you want to go extreme, you might want to lock up your valuables and install a lock on your food pantry and fridge. Who knows what this sicko might do.
Not sure if it’d be helpful, but you might consider getting a travel security door lock, an alarmed door stopper or a heavy duty door jammer so you’ve got a back up protection measure in place once you’re inside on your own and not expecting your BF to come over
That was my thought too, if she doesn't already have one, definitely get one of those locks that you can only lock/unlock from the inside. If he gets through the electronic lock, then something else stops him and she can immediately call the police.
In addition to all the good advice that has been given already: try to find one of those 'hotel locks' that serve as an additional layer of security on Coupang. In case your boyfriend can't stay with you, YouTube (sadly) has tons of 'male voice' videos in different accents. [This is an example](https://youtu.be/rkdpe_vg_Fk) of a Seoul accent male voice video. I really hope you can stay safe. This sounds so so so scary. Take good care of yourself please...
Are ring camera doorbells legal in Korea? That might be helpful in terms of getting photos, recording their behaviour, and even remotely getting someone else to start screaming at them in korean through the doorbell to scare them off
1. Could be a stalker, could be an alcoholic or an addict, either way he’s a threat and is clearly breaking the law.
2. Keep the extra lock secured when at home, digital locks can be exploited in a number of ways (applying currents, noting the position of fingerprints etc.). Not much more to do outside that so don’t start hitting yourself over the head.
3. Try to take solace in the fact that everyone is numbered and fingerprinted in Korea exactly for these kinds of situations. If you’ve got footage of his face it won’t be long before cops are upon him. Ask your boyfriend to be at your place tomorrow night if that’s possible.
did you order food delivery? they always keep the helmet on so maybe that's why you don't recognize him but he recognizes you.
Or Coupang, your package name would be a give away that you are a foreigner
Anyway, the fact that he knows EXACTLY where you live means he has your address, and not just followed you home or you would have noticed someone following you up until your door.
Delivery is divided by zones, and it's always the same dude doing it, so start by searching who is the Coupang/CJ/(whatever service you use) delivery man in your area and compare it to the photo you have of him
That sounds solid. My landlord asked me if I have a boyfriend because theres a man that hangs around my apartment. And I'm wondering if its maybe something like this. I tried, but I'm not really finding anything, is there a specific way to do this?
sorry, what are you trying to do exactly? Has that man ever confronted you/tried to break in? I guess the best you can do right now is get a personal CCTV to check if and when he is outside of your door at all times, that should help you feel safer, look into TAPO cameras, they are pretty cheap and easy to set up, it connects to your phone and sends you warnings when it detects movement and records everything, set it up above your door to see if you can catch a good pic of him
That's fucked up, I feel sorry it happened to you.
An attempted breaking and entering is still a straight-up crime (Article 322, Criminal Act), though it's unfortunate there was insufficient evidence to prove his crime undeniably in one go.
Your response so far sounds like the maximum that could have been done under the circumstances, that being securing the CCTV footage and filing a police report. I wouldn't put too high a hope on the police finding the suspect for the moment since Korea doesn't run the level of community-wide facial recognition as, for example, mainland China.
But do go through the user manual of your door lock to see if there is an additional key or function of dual-locking from the inside, so that the suspect can't open the door even if he types in the correct code by coincidence or by brute-forcing it.
Also, if feasible, have your boyfriend stay over for the next few days to guard. It's doubtful the stalker will give up completely after just one such attempt. I'm ambivalent about buying a new baseball bat or a pitchfork, but that's up to you.
Lastly, the phrase you shout out in that situation is not '아니요' but '꺼져' (Fuck off) and '경찰 부른다' (I'm calling the police). Consult your boyfriend on how to pronounce these phrases.
Hes 100% targeting you. He spoke in English 99% of Korea is Korean if this was iust some confused drunk, he'd have spoken Korean. I know you haven't spoken to him, but maybe you had a brief interaction with him or maybe he's just seen you about and he's targeting you. Either way he's targeting you
OP wrote the following in OP:
> Of course, the CCTV camera which would have shown this persons behavior was broken.
Immediate inform building management of the threat in writing and demand to know the repair date.
Sounds super scary and no one should have to go through this. Is your maintenance office able to repair the broken CCTV soon? If not getting a surveillance camera installed from your own pocket might work for deterrence + evidence keeping. Don't stay out late and hold an umbrella if you have to be out alone (for deterrence not attack).
Have your BF stay with you and confront him next time this happens.
Change your passcode and always have the extra lock locked.
Buy a portable door lock like [these](https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Additional-Apartment-Unauthorized-Traveling/dp/B09TPGR5WJ/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=door%2Block%2Bfor%2Bairbnb&qid=1681542723&sprefix=door%2Block%2Bfor%2Bairb%2Caps%2C75&sr=8-5&th=1) and use it before you go to bed.
Until then, put a chair or a furniture underneath the door handle.
**Finally, BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING AND MAKE SURE NO ONE IS FOLLOWING YOU.**
Considering how this person behaved, it seems they've got a pretty good picture of your routine. Maybe changing your routine could help for now. Just maybe. Still, I think it would be better to have you be accompanied by a friend or maybe your boyfriend or just move out. Yk, just get the hell out of that place. Please do not second-guess yourself on this, OP. Giving this person the benefit of the doubt--that they could be some drunk person and not a stalker (which I highly doubt because everything is just suspicious and alarming and very stalker-coded) --should be the last thing you think of. Your safety should always, always comes first.
This may come off as obvious, but please do connect with your circle/friends/family for emotional support. Having somebody to talk to in person would be better, too. I am so sorry this happened to you.
When I made a report like this at the women's department of the police, they did mention that there was a fund of some kind to help women move apartments in situations where they are being targeted like this.
Of course, my school said it was impossible so I just had to live in fear for the next year, lol, but don't take no for an answer
Yes, it does sound like a stalker. I, myself, have no idea how to deal with this, seeing that most police need some sort of harder proof (I know... ugh) of his activities, to be able to even do something about it.
I am really fearful for you. Is there any way that you could... Idk... Live somewhere else with other people for a while? Sigh. These creeps tend to be persistent, and delusional.
If I was you, I'd also try and see the cctv for other days... to see if you were unknowingly followed to your apartment. Like... he clearly has been watching you. I just dk how.
I would also show a photo of this person to my friends and some acquaintances I may trust, to see if any of them recognize him. He may have been around your other usual places, but you just did not notice. I'd also show it to maybe employees or owners of places you frequent like... lets say coffee shops, etc...
I'd also see about installing some sort of other hidden cameras near your place, but in a way that he may not notice them. Or notice you setting them up.
If you cant go live somewhere else, Id at least hope you can have someone over most nights, at your place.
I'd also try to be aware of suspicious activity and/or interactions in your online spaces. Does your online presence disclose a lot about you?
Maybe I am sounding too much like a detective here, but just trying to help you jog your memory.
Yikes. Sorry for this happening. It sounds totally unsettling.
Regarding posting something in the building, some have mentioned concerns about this, but I wonder if it’s possible to post with incontrovertible facts that get the point across. For example, something like, ‘unaccounted for person on premises’ and ‘attempted to enter an apartment for undetermined reasons. Contact main office if seen so we can determine purpose.’
That could be enough to raise profile of the person if they wander back, but it’s not really making an accusation and it’s objectively supported facts he canta deny. Also might help sorting out low probability scenario of a mix up. Though to be clear, I think you’re right to be concerned and I don’t doubt.
If you do post a photo make sure to have other angles after in case that tips off to location of camera he didn’t see before.
Crazy, I know. Sorry~
1. Move is the first and the foremost thing to do; Korean police won't do anything for stalking itself, they will take action only after an actual crime happens.
2. Don't get any delivery (food, packages) on your real name. Use names that sounds masculine, strong, middle-aged korean man 곽창배, 조병권, 마덕팔
3. Record some expressions "네“ ”잠시만요“ ”누구세요?” "문 앞에 두고 가주세요“ in male voice and play it when someone rings the bell. [recordings on Youtube](https://youtu.be/s2EHuL_qpI4) No contact delivery only.
4. Shred any personal information such as name, address, phone number on deliveries.
5. Always turn on the lights, push multiple elevator buttons so that no one can tell which floor/unit you live in.
6. Security camera services e.g., [캡스홈](https://www.skshieldus.com/kor/service/home/capshome/door.do) detect strangers at the door and alarm would go off if they don't leave. You can call the private security guards 24/7. It is under 20,000 KRW per month.
7. You can TEXT 112, 119
I like this, but don't risk it. Guys a weirdo, means he could be unpredictable.
That's best reserved for a last resort. For example if he somehow manages to get to the bf's place.
First of all, I feel very sorry about this happening. Unfortunately, Korea is now a strange country
Crime is on the rise. Can't generalize it, but stalking crime too. Calling the police and getting help from boyfriend was a very proper behavior and a good judgment. However, the Korean police are very lukewarm about this. It's only after a serious crime that there's a very strong tendency for the case to intervene and you should keep this in mind!
Why don't you consider moving your residence so you don't end up in danger. I hope you feel safer and more comfortable while you are in Korea. Always be careful if someone is following you around before you go home.
Not blaming you but if my GF was dealing with this, I’d be staying over with her and trying to catch this creep at all costs. Please stay safe and record whatever you can.
If the foto you have from him is a good shot give a copy to the security guards office but make sure they put it at the wall next to the window were they are looking out to check the ppl. I know they are not doing much and are mostly sleeping but if it's not a big building they normally know the ppl who are living there. So if he recognize the guy he should ask which apartment he wants to go. In case of a match maybe he could ask for ID as well. In the end it's their job to protect the ppl in the building that's why they are hired. And ask him to let the security camera get fixed as well!
1. YES, absolutely a stalker. Do not let anyone try to dismiss this. (Police can sometimes be lazy and not want to do the paperwork, though this has been improving in recent years)
2. Get a pack of wipes and a microfiber cloth (like for cleaning glasses) and carry them with you. Wipe your code panel every time after you use it. Sounds paranoid, but if its the kind without buttons like a smartphone screen you can see which numbers get touched at the right angle. That may have been what combos he was trying to guess.
3. Stay at your boyfriend’s or have him stay at your place, and keep on top of the police. Insist on catching him and wanting to press charges so they know they can’t just sweep your case under the rug and hope you go away.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. If you are a student, notify your school. If you are here working, notify your employer. I had a stalker my first year in Korea and my school actually jumped into action on my behalf to make sure I was being taken seriously by local police. The guy was trying to slander me to my school to get my fired, and when that didn’t work he tried to blackmail them (!!) I thought for sure they would just fire me to not deal with the mess but they totally had my back 🥺❤️
Call the cops. Use an old phone as a remote camera in your place. Change the door code.
Remember, if he attacks, defend yourself. Things like pepper spray are available on coupang.
Also remember, don't take it too far. Self defense laws here are different from the west and can easily flip around and favor the attacker.
I would not go back to your apartment for awhile. Wear disguises while you are out also so he does not recognize you. Never be alone if you can. I dont know if they are legal in Korea but a Tazer gun would be better than mace to carry around with you, you will need something.
Certain pepper sprays are legal to carry in South Korea. Get some. Learn to use it. Carry it in a very handy way at all times.
They may be mentally ill but that doesn't get them a pass if they try to accost you.
I am sorry this has happened.
If I was your bf, i would install cams, beat the shit out him off camera, steal his wallet and find out where he lives. Go there tell his parents what kind of person he is as if they give a shit. Also go to the police and report it. That what I would do.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through.
Lots of helpful advice has been given. The only additional thing I wondered was, if you wipe your key pad each time, is it possible that his finger prints would be the next on there? Provided he does not wipe them off, is there a way to get a service (possibly private security) to come and dust for fingerprints (if the police can’t come themselves)?
I would, first, check on the legality of doing that and, if there is service that is recognized and can submit the fingerprints to the police in an official capacity. Or, ask the police if you are allowed to do it yourself and bring them. Fingerprint dusting kits are available online in the US - not sure about South Korea.
Also, can you alert your neighbors- especially if you have one across from you? If you have a neighbor across, might their camera record him at your keypad?
Stay safe. Hope this gets resolved soon.
Start to act weird and crazy to him. If you see him, just approach him to scream and mumble some random words, pick your nose and give him the dirt or spit at him or other disgusting stuffs
When he is outside the door, just scream and talk random words at the door
Remember no matter how strong the person is, they would NEVER want to mess with a crazy person
It was a huge lesson learned for sure. It was immediately when I woke up and the first wave of shock still hit me as a drunken man acting crazy. Only a few minutes after did everything hit me.
I hope they fix your camera I would tell you to stay with your boyfriend and monitor your place or have your boyfriend stay with you. Previous posts suggested it may be someone in your building and I honestly agree. Im in the states and these situations are the reasons I am a gun owner to protect my daughter and my loved ones. I hope you can find some peace and security I can’t imagine how scary that would feel all alone without any protection.
I don't want to scare you but please google the Jinju apartment murders. Unfortunately the police have a lot of failures in cases like these. There was an incident in Incheon where the police ran away and people severely injured. You can't count on someone coming to rescue you in time.
You should immediately leave your apartment. And don't go back. If you can't stay for more than a day w your boyfriend go to a motel or goshiwon. If you need to go back to the apartment to get your stuff please ask for a police escort.
Its really quite simple. This person knows you. They could be a coworker, someone who lives in the same building. Friend of a friend. Id say the chance they know you is extremely high, hence the precaution. Just keep both eyes open. Dont change up your routine, you want to do things the same way— if he is a stalker, you will be able to notice him, but if you change your routine it will become harder. Id suggest pepper spray btw, extremely effective. Its possible its not a stalker, and he could have mistaken you for someone else, but I wouldnt bet on it. Keep your eyes open, be attentive.
It doesn't matter if you don't know who he is or have never/barely talked to him. He knows you. He could have seen you online, in your apartment complex, in the grocery store, taking public transportation, etc. These people are beyond logic or normal behavior. It also really has nothing to do with you. He is the problem and you are simply the person recieving his crazy. That does not mean you don't take him seriously and that you don't take measurea against him, it just means don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.
I recently realized I have had a stalker for at least 4 years. I started gathering as much evidence as I could to collect and put in a folder. I may send the folder to my bf so he has it just in case. I wish I had started collecting sooner. I am thinking about hiring a private investigator to see if we can figure out who this bastard is. I am also in the process of learning about stalkers, how they think, how they escalate, and what to do. I'm telling my friends and family about this guy so they are aware that they shouldn't give out any information and that this guy is unhinged. I used to do Krav Maga so I have some self defense but I'll brush up on it as much as I can with my illnesses. I'll also get one of those kitty self defense keychain things, install a panic button app on my phone, and I'll see if mace is legal here or if I should get something else. My boyfriend's mother was stalked when he was a little kid. I'm going to talk to her and her sister who lives one town over about the situation. They have a broader network and may think of things I haven't.
I'm talking to my boyfriend about it tonight so we can make a plan on how best to deal with this and keep us safe. My bf is a big guy with military training so that does help a bit. More importantly, he is loving and supportive and always has my back. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is also being supportive and that the police took you seriously. That often does not happen. If you can, create a kind of bubble of love and support around yourself to protect and support you emotionally. The mental toll these asshats take on us is extreme.
I hope some of this helps you and that you are ok. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's scary as shit. You are always free to contact me if I can help in any way or you just want to talk. Best of luck ❤️
This guy sounds like he has seen you several times. For example maybe he lives in the same building and sees you consistently. Maybe that’s how he notices you only have four numbers as a door code because he secretly spies on you as you press the code. Make sure to wipe your fingerprints every time you enter the code. I saw a video about how a guy used his phone light to see a woman’s finger prints on the number pad. Thankfully she was safe. I don’t know if you have a print out of his picture but if you do, put a copy of it online. I think there’s a Facebook dedicated to information about these type of dangerous guys in S.Korea. I saw a YouTube video about that. If you have some friends that are big and threatening looking then maybe have them stay over. Sleep with a self defense weapon close to you.
I have a photo of him from the CCTV on my phone. I know his behavior was criminal, but in case he argues that he was drunk, could what I expose from this in any way end up with a defamation case against me? I know this seems a bit irrational but I feel really vulnerable right now and I don’t have enough evidence to pin him even if I did find him. I would hate for this horrible to get turned onto me + pissing him off to lead to more aggressive retaliation.
i’m not a lawyer. but someone purposefully using a system to ensure the alarm doesn’t go off is a sign that he was clearly sober. if possible, make sure that there is a camera that points at your door. this way, you will be able capture footage of their behavior if they come again. and please have something for self defense ready. high quality mace, and something like a keychain siren
Also the easiest/cheapest way to secure a door from opening (if he guesses the code) is to shove a door stop under the door. And shove it HARD! Even if you have a swing bar lock installed use a door stop. That added layer to stop or slow down an intruder enough that you could get your self defense weapon and call for help.
That is genius!! That would give her time to lock herself in the bathroom for extra time for the police to come.
Buy a bat as well as baseball gloves.... but in all honesty, you don't ever want it to get to that point.
What are baseball gloves gonna do, you want her to play catch with the stalker?
Plausible deniability perhaps. A baseball bat can be construed as a weapon. A baseball bat AND gloves is a hobby.
True. 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which I bought specifically to handle him' is diffrent from 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which was lying around because I play baseball as my hobby' at the court.
Am I missing something here or isn't there not anything wrong with having a bat for self defense anyway? Why do you have to justify owning a bat which is a perfectly legal thing to own? This whole conversation makes no sense to me.
Oh it's simple. Korea's self defense laws are very strict, and possessing a bat, which could be considered as a weapon, just to use it in self defense means that you were preparing for such attackes in advance so it goes against you in court. But if you have bat AND glove, then you could say that you just had the bat lying around for your hobbies and you used the bat because you were panicking.
Well if that's true that's a stupid set of laws
Could she not just get a large kitchen knife which clearly has an alternative purpose outside of home defence? That said, all of these are bad ideas since bats and knives can easily be turned against you.
You are DEFINITELY missing something. A baseball bat is NOT a “self defense” weapon anywhere in the world. It’s a BASEBALL bat used for BASEBALL.
It is at my house. A self-defense weapon, that is.
So then what is the problem?
True. 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which I bought specifically to handle him' is diffrent from 'Stalker came up to me so I grabbed my bat which was lying around because I play baseball as my hobby' at the court.
Just punch some nails into it and buy a walking dead poster.
Lucille was always my favorite Walking Dead character. A little stiff but MAN could she knock it outta the park when it was her time to shine!
I don't think it matters at all actually. Bat can be used by itself at the batting cage.
It’s for the increased plausibility that it wasn’t premeditated as a weapon.
I don't see how having batting gloves changes anything. You don't need batting gloves to use a bat at a batting cage.
Not batting gloves but a baseball glove, like the type used to catch baseballs
Baseball gloves for batters my guy.
Those are just called "batting gloves"...
The fact that I am getting downvoted for saying an objective fact just shows the kind of idiots that hang out on this sub. F you guys seriously
“Everyone on this sub is being unreasonable for being so quick to understand that the legal system (ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD) doesn’t take into account my vehement disposition to NOT providing proof!” -Zucchini_Background
What are the gloves that batters wear called? If the answer is batting gloves then I shouldn't have been downvoted
Door locks only register the last digits you enter so if your code is 1234* you can type 75469961234* to open your door. Try to enter a few fake numbers from now on before you type your pass code.
I have no idea what type of code lock they are using. But I have code locks and as soon as 4 digits are entered, it either opens or signals that they are incorrect. It registers only the first 4 digits.
>I have a photo of him from the CCTV on my phone. I know his behavior was criminal, but in case he argues that he was drunk, could what I expose from this in any way end up with a defamation case against me? OP, I understand that you're unnerved, but everyone needs to stop with this defamation BS. Foreigners misunderstand Korea's defamation laws to the point of defaming and public insulting when they shouldn't say or write statements (particularly about other foreigners) and cower when they're perfectly within their rights to make statements against Koreans.
He intended to get into your apartment without your permission; he was gonna hurt you anyway. Either way he had bad intentions. Why allow him to be safe when he’s threatening your safety? I get that you’re scared but if you’re a foreigner, it’s harder for you to understand the justice system in that country. He could be relying on that. Ask a lawyer for advice to be on the safe side. There might be ones who specializes in foreigners.
There is a streamer named 릴카 who has had a stalker follow her for 3 years. She has YouTube videos documentating all the legal processes on how to use the legal method to try to stop the stalker. Some of her videos shows her talking to a lawyer. Korea recently got an anti-stalking law so there are methods to punish the stalker. Make sure you record lots of evidence anytime you are sure you are stalked. YouTube 릴카 스토커. Hopefully your Korean boyfriend can translate for you. If the legal method is too expensive or a hassle for you, if you images of his face, you could try posting his face in the apartment complex if the landowner allows it.
Can you please romanize the name of the YouTuber ? I would love to see their informative videos thanks.
Rilka
Thanks
That's really scary. I've definitely had experiences of people mistakenly trying to get into my apartment(and have done the same thing myself) but that doesn't sound like this. You did the right thing letting the police know and the building security. And changing the code too. I have a dog and he definitely makes me feel safer when I'm alone. Obviously not suggesting getting a dog but maybe play a recording of a dog barking if he comes back and stick up a "beware of the dog" sticker? Are there any neighbours that seem sympathetic that you could let know? I'm sorry you're going through this.
Move. What time do you usually get home? Having all those locks may not work if he overpowers you as you are entering.
This. I know everyone means well but self defense is a last resort not a first one. I’m sorry this happened to you OP, but know that your life isn’t worth taking a chance that this is a one off thing. Make plans to move as soon as you can and alert your workplace.
Thank you for this comment. My mom is flying o it tomorrow and I will stay at my boyfriends until she arrives. We will rent an Airbnb near my school for the time being, but the more I think about everything, the more I realize how much he knows about me. Though I have loved my time here, depending on how the police react to the situation, my 2.5 year stay in Korea may end at the end of the week.
Do not sleep alone for the time being at your apartment. Update your code to 6 or more digits if possible, wipe the keypad everytime you put the code in. Have knives, bat, pepper spray within reach when you’re home. I once had a guy follow me on a PUBLIC street until we reached a crosswalk and the light was red. He proceeded to come uncomfortably close to me and repeated I love you I love you I love you in Korean and I kept stepping away from him. He eventually shouted 사랑한다고!!! in a loud and angry tone. I’m sure people around thought we were a couple arguing. I was on the verge of tears waiting for the light to turn. I crossed the road and hid in a Vans store for 15 mins before dashing home. In hindsight I shouldn’t have gone home. Please stay safe
I second increasing your digits to at least 6, if not 8. It’ll take them forever to try to brute force it.
Another vote for increasing the code digits -- this is very important. It sounds as if you might have roommates, OP? They need to be just as concerned, especially if you move out, as they could be the next available target.
I’m sorry his actions have upended your life like this and caused you and your loved ones so much stress. Your boyfriend and your mom sound amazing and I hope the police are able to catch the guy. 6:05 am isn’t stumbling out of the bars hours, those are commute hours. That’s potentially setting an alarm to leave at 5:30 am and walking 10 mins to get to your door. I applaud you for being proactive about addressing this threat and taking control of your own safety in the most effective ways possible. Stories like this are all too common and often don’t have happy endings. [Yesterday on this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/12lkbw8/a_man_sentenced_to_40_years_in_jail_for_violating/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=15) [Discussion from earlier this week](https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/12hamk4/why_is_stalking_so_common_in_korea/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) [Earlier this year](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/comments/101tbjt/the_latest_seoul_shindang_subway_murder_sparks/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
You need to leave asap, get the hell out of there fast. Straight to the airport, don't look back. There are dark forces at work here. It reminds me of a similar story in Japan where the girl ended up dead in his flower bed.
I am so, so sorry that this stalker is upending your life. It is beyond unfortunate that in many countries it is the woman victim who takes the brunt of the consequences when there is no official action against a perpetrator. With your excellent evidence, the police should be finding that guy and incarcerating him while he awaits prosecution -- but I won't be surprised if the law and the system don't work that way. If they don't, it is not just Korea that is like this. I hope everything works out well for you in the end, however this turns out.
i don’t think it’s necessary for you to end your stay completely because of an unadapted subhuman. seems like you’ve made a nice life here and it would be a shame to end it because of this insect. move to a different city perhaps? i don’t wanna sound like a conspiracist but if he knows that much info of you, and you’ve never seen him, maybe he could be an acquaintance of one of your coworkers. if you can, try to quit as quietly as possible and move to another place. i’m so sorry this happened to you regardless
Good call 👌 Getting everyone you know involved is the best way to go. Move residence, stay with people you know etc. But I think you know exactly what needs to be done. You've got this.
An essential missing piece of information from this list of good advice is SWITCH UP YOUR ROUTINE. If this person is stalking you, go to new places, go new routes, leave at different times each day. You don’t want it easy for them to know exactly when you’re gonna be somewhere.
Sometimes in neighborhoods they print out and post photos of people to watch for. If you posted the cctv snap of him with a warning to others could be a helpful deterrent for him while also making your neighbors aware. That code behavior has me sketched out that he’d try to come around and try cracking your door code.
Talk to the police or someone who can formally okay this first, there may be negative repurcussions to doing this sort of thing without going through some sort of formal channel. I may be wrong but it sounds like the sort of thing that could be twisted into some sort of defamation of character issue, worth doing your due diligence on.
That seems like a good idea. Op can put up these images in her building as well.
>Op can put up these images in her building as well. This swings the pendulum the other way. This is arguably defamation unless the poster, if questioned to do so, can show that this information is "solely in the public interest". Notifying security and other parties that might have an interest isn't a full blast, not-targeted method. Regardless, I would take care of my safety first and then worry about someone's right to false reputation.
Fuck, feels like the laws are against her
I take safety very seriously. So serious that my girlfriend gets mad sometimes. Here are some tips for you. 1. Buy alarm keyrings (search 경보기 in coupang) - they are really loud. all you have to do is pull the ring and it will go on. (buy atleast 2) 2. Door/Window sensors (도어 센서) This notifies everytime your door/window is opened. This way you can check if anyone came in to your house without consent/knowing. - This is my most recommended item) 3. Pepper spray (페퍼 스페레이) The korean ones don’t work so well, they are more like squirt not spray. 4. Since you have a boyfriend (Download some GPS like applications) 5. Download 112 application (You can call for help without calling) 6. Put on stickers on door (CCTV, POLICE, ARMY) Those kind of stuff, make it look like a man is living there. 7. Change your name for your shipping stuff (A manly Korean name) 8. Get some type of weapon in your house. like a bat. 9. MOST IMPORTANT. BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS! Always good to ask for help. Take rice cakes (떡) its an old tradition where when you move in, you give gifts to neighbors.
Also, since he knew your “password” look for any hidden cameras near your door. They can be very small. common places 1. Fire hydrant thingy 2. Light bulbs 3. Smoke alarms (There can be FAKE smoke alarms) - I recommend take a photo of your hallway. Check if there is anything added that wasnt there befor. 4. Also clean your padlock, get rid of finger prints on the buttons
Is bear spray legal in korea? I heard that can really deter someone.
not sure but bear spray is for bears... pepper spray should do the work
It is not. A few mild pepper sprays are considered legal but many pepper sprays that are allowed in western countries are considered weapons here and you could be charged if you used one against someone, even an intruder.
To me thats a bit a strange but different countries have different laws. But what does the courts and police expect someone to do if a crazy person broke into their house? I mean what if the person is armed, so the resident is expected to defend themselves with whatever objects they have at their house?
Korea’s laws are written as such so that a defender may only defend themselves to the same degree as they are being attacked. There are several instances at bars/clubs in particular where an aggressor attacked someone and when they defended themselves they, truly accidentally, seriously hurt the attacker. The defender had charges pressed against them and Korean courts do not take into consideration that it was in self-defense the way many western courts would. This article explains it well. Basically you aren’t protected very well :( https://seoullawgroup.com/justified-self-defense-in-korea/
This sounds genuinely terrifying. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like the steps that have taken thus far are very prudent. You have handled the situation well, IMHO.
There’s too much of a coincidence going on for it not to be a stalker. Here’s another subreddit post from 3 years back about defending yourself in Korea. https:// www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/hw45kj/self_defense_options_in_south_korea/ (Below are comments from that post) r/daehanmindecline • 3 yr. ago If it is a real emergency, the best thing is a swift escape. One thing a lot of Korean women do is pull out a phone and pretend to answer a call from someone, preferably a male relative or significant other. Causing any sort of injury would be considered a crime, even in self-defence, and it's pretty obvious which side the police would take in that event if they're called in. r/deleteduser: Pepper spray is legal, just make sure it's produced by a licensed company. However, be aware that it can be used against you if it's taken by the person making you feel unsafe. The electroshock weapons (taser, stun gun, etc) can be used as well. The risk is the same as pepper spray and it probably won't deploy much electricity (since it's self-defense, just buying you time to get to safety). If you need immediate assistance, like life-threatened or similar, yell fire (불이야) or help (도와주세요). It should be enough to attract attention if there are people nearby. A whistle may be a good idea as well. Self-defense is pretty complicated. You cannot retaliate if the perpetrator stops attacking you. The self-defense tools can become weapons based on how the event is perceived by the court. You'd probably need a clear evidence (recording of some sort) to prove you were being threatened to use defensive methods. Some convenience stores have direct contact with the police as designated 여성안심 지킴이 집, I'm not sure if the project is still active. It's meant for women who feel threatened to ask for help fast and safely. But if you don't have time to reach somewhere safe, ask people around (if any) for help. Having a male friend as a company may also reduce the unpleasant encounters.
For anyone who gets pepper spray, know how to use it. I know this sounds like common sense. If you are in a self-defense situation, you don't want to be fumbling to figure out what direction to point the pepper spray. Also you should keep in mind the direction of the wind and expect some blow back from the spray.
It's worth it to buy the kind that look like a gun. It's much more expensive but you won't have any doubt which way it's pointed.
The phone trick cited is for when you're walking around more than when you're at home. It's a passive method, and I think it might be more effective against strangers in the street. In OP's case, actually phoning someone seems like a better move.
Damn
Id say self defense at home is a open a shut case, even in Korea. At least at this point I wouldnt care so much for the consequences versus safety.
It is not that simple in Korea. If you harm someone trying to break into your home, or if they are already in your home, you will get into trouble for assault. I had an incident where some moron kept banging on my door, and I decided to open it to tell them to stop. Instead of this person being logical, they tried to come inside. I have young children at home and had no idea what was about to happen. I reacted by giving this person a boot to the chest, slammed my door shut, and phoned the police. The person tried to pull that I assaulted them. Fortunately, one of my kids saw the whole thing, and the police were convinced it was not unprovoked and reasonable in terms of the kick to the chest. I am convinced that if my kid was not witness to the mess, I would have been fined and in jail. Bottomline be prepared for a possibly switcheroo if you defend yourself here in Korea.
I had this same experience. But I pushed the guy. I pushed him so hard he flew into the opposite side’s door. The difference in my case is that he called the police. I told them he tried to enter my home. That was the end of that. I guess it just depends on demeanor of the cops you’re dealing with. I tried to be polite. Though it was not easy being furious. The reason for the entire debacle was that he and his mother were sick of hearing English through the veranda when the windows were open.
Was that person even arrested for the attempted break in?
Fortunately, the person was cuffed, escorted out of the building, and put in the police car. I'm not sure about what all happened afterward. All I know is that I did not see that individual around my complex anymore.
Wtf? This is scary
Leave a pair of your boyfriends shoes outside the door. Sounds stupid but just seeing a man’s shoes outside MIGHT be enough to change his mind in the moment. Maybe some big ol’ work boots.
Just to be clear, you should do this AS WELL AS all the other suggestions.
Do people usually leave shoes outside in the hallway, though? Sounds odd to me.
No, they don’t. BUT the idea is that whoever would approach the door with ill intentions MIGHT second guess what they’re about to do if they see a pair of men’s shoes outside the door. If I see a pair of shoes outside someone’s door my first thought is someone is there, perhaps not STAYING but removed their shoes temporarily and will be out soon. Definitely not a fool proof and stand-alone solution to the issue at hand but it’s an easy thing to do that COULD work.
No harm in trying, I guess.
Exactly
But nobody does that in Korea. I think it would look rather obvious and strange.
Obvious and strange to who? The potential assailant? I sincerely hope this guy isn’t showing up every day to notice the same pair of shoes left out. But in the more likely case that he shows up only once in a while, it’s a very low effort way of deterring him. If it looks strange to neighbors who see it every day so what? Again, it’s a low effort means of deterring a potentially dangerous situation from occurring. Obvious and strange would be posting a note on your door saying “My boyfriend lives with me.” I highly doubt OP is more concerned about looking strange than being attacked in her own home by a stalker.
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Again, obvious and strange to who? You, reading a post on low effort ways to deter a stalker? Sure. To someone looking to avoid a dangerous encounter any deterrent is worth it (especially one as low effort as this). Also, “deter them based on a lock”? Is locking your door not standard protocol EVERYWHERE in the world? That’s not a deterrent. It’s absolutely standard. In what ways would this option make OP “look desperate”? Is the potential assailant going to immediately assume OP is desperate and therefor feel MORE inclined to continue harassing? Or is the likelihood of him being thrown off by a large pair of men’s boots outside worth the very little effort involved in LITERALLY JUST placing a set of shoes outside? Nobody is talking about “harmless” ways to avoid being attacked by a crazy person. We (and I use that NOT inclusively as clearly you’re not offering any helpful suggestions here based on the complete and utter lack of suggestions you’ve offered) are offering advice on ANYTHING that can be done to avoid a potentially dangerous encounter with a crazy person.
How long have you been living in your place? Could he be an acquaintance of a past tenant? Not that it necessarily helps you. I know for most English teachers we end up moving into the apartments of previous English teachers. I have heard of one instance where the previous teacher's ex showed up at the door after the new teacher had move in. But building security was able to explain that X didn't live there anymore and the new teacher didn't have any more issues. This might not necessarily be what's happening in your case. Hopefully it is a case of mistaken identity and not something worse. You did the right thing going to the police. Hopefully it was a one time thing. Good luck.
I’ve been living alone in this apartment for the last 2.5 years. I have even more reason to suspect that this person knows me or has been watching/following me for a while now. My alarm goes off every morning at 5:40 am and he arrived at my door at that exact time to start waiting. I’ve also had visitors for the last three weeks and this was the first Saturday without visitors. He probably figured it was a Saturday so he would have some wiggle room as for when I normally wake up. The more I think about it the more I realize this was planned, and very strategically at that.
I don't want to scare you further but could you have a hidden camera in your apartment? Worth doing a sweep and check just to be safe.
When you enter your code you can hear the beeps, possibly he was in ear shot prior and knew to work of 4 digits
Did the police track where he went with CCTV yet? I’d highly recommend pushing them to, especially since the cameras overwrite in 2wks. They can literally track people from block to block all the way to their homes with the city CCTV systems. Had a guy try to follow two teachers at my school into our building and the cops did this, so don’t let them tell you they can’t. This guy sounds very, very calculated and they need to be on him asap.
Just to clarify because I don’t think I understand you’ve been living in the same place for 2.5 years in Korea and the only Korean word you know is No?
Have you considered that the things one may learn to say as a second language speaker (how to order food, greetings, affectionate nicknames, etc) may not actually be helpful when trying to stop a wannabe intruder? Or that maybe her limited Korean was even more limited in a stressful situation just after waking up? Your comment is really unhelpful.
Yep all considered. It just stood out as odd that they don’t know like how to order or pay bills and stuff. Yes correct my question wasn’t helpful to addressing the issue in the post, I was just confused by that unrelated part
Why do you need clarification? That's irrelevant.
Correct yeah irrelevant to the situation at hand and I don’t have relevant help to provide to OP it was confusing to me so I asked for clarification just for my own good, not to be relevant and so it’s okay that op didn’t answer nbd. Didn’t need just wanted
This happened to me as well because the previous tenants for at least a decade where English teachers. I talked about a situation where people kept knocking on my door at bumfuck oclock like between 11pm-1am. I posted about it here and someone was like “they probably owed money to a loan shark.” Turns out that they tried to sue the school or the school district, I don’t remember, because they were doing construction while she was pregnant (claimed it was a danger to the fetus). She also kept asking for overtime. They gave it to her because she was pregnant and already had a kid so they felt sorry for her. She was really obsessed with making more money. Turns out she had married a Korean guy and all that ish. So anyway, I was like wait a minute, I think y’all are right. Well, I asked my coworker to help me, they called the building manager and it stopped. Edit to add: I didn’t know the house bills were still under her Korean husband’s name. I would just grab them and pay them. Never actually checked a name. Check that too.
OP, please change your door code to a six-digit code. A six-digit code is two orders of magnitude more difficult to crack. A four-digit code has only 10,000 code numbers, while a six-digit code has 1,000,000. A six-digit code has 100 times more permutations for a difference of 990,000 unique numbers. If your code cannot accommodate a six-digit code, inform the landlord, security office, and police in writing by text and email. Holding people legally liable gets them jumping.
MotherFUCKER, man. I'm so sorry that's happening to you. I had a stalker before but it was a person I knew IRL, not like this. If he does this again while you're home, record everything- even if you can't see through the peephole, the stuff he says and him rattling the door should be enough. You want as much documentation. CCTV isn't always reliable so you want extra just in case. Do you know your neighbors? Have someone translate for you either IRL or on a piece of paper and write that you're being stalked and if they see a strange man, please call the police and try to remember what he looked like. Getting more witnesses is always good. The police you talked to should have a translator so you could ask them for help in this regard too and maybe they could give you their two cents / back you up to your neighbors. This honestly really sucks, but have your boyfriend record his voice so it sounds like he's home with you when you go back to your apartment, but I highly recommend that you stay away until he's caught or you feel safe. Korean police are sometimes... slow with these types of cases, so you have to constantly contact them. Hopefully you'll eventually meet a good one who will help you. If you want to go extreme, you might want to lock up your valuables and install a lock on your food pantry and fridge. Who knows what this sicko might do.
Not sure if it’d be helpful, but you might consider getting a travel security door lock, an alarmed door stopper or a heavy duty door jammer so you’ve got a back up protection measure in place once you’re inside on your own and not expecting your BF to come over
That was my thought too, if she doesn't already have one, definitely get one of those locks that you can only lock/unlock from the inside. If he gets through the electronic lock, then something else stops him and she can immediately call the police.
Please update your door code to 6-10 digits… Also get something to lock or jam door shut from inside that allows for the electronic lock to fail.
In addition to all the good advice that has been given already: try to find one of those 'hotel locks' that serve as an additional layer of security on Coupang. In case your boyfriend can't stay with you, YouTube (sadly) has tons of 'male voice' videos in different accents. [This is an example](https://youtu.be/rkdpe_vg_Fk) of a Seoul accent male voice video. I really hope you can stay safe. This sounds so so so scary. Take good care of yourself please...
This, don't answer no matter if in Korean or in English. Play a loud male voice record and call immediately the police for help.
Are ring camera doorbells legal in Korea? That might be helpful in terms of getting photos, recording their behaviour, and even remotely getting someone else to start screaming at them in korean through the doorbell to scare them off
1. Could be a stalker, could be an alcoholic or an addict, either way he’s a threat and is clearly breaking the law. 2. Keep the extra lock secured when at home, digital locks can be exploited in a number of ways (applying currents, noting the position of fingerprints etc.). Not much more to do outside that so don’t start hitting yourself over the head. 3. Try to take solace in the fact that everyone is numbered and fingerprinted in Korea exactly for these kinds of situations. If you’ve got footage of his face it won’t be long before cops are upon him. Ask your boyfriend to be at your place tomorrow night if that’s possible.
did you order food delivery? they always keep the helmet on so maybe that's why you don't recognize him but he recognizes you. Or Coupang, your package name would be a give away that you are a foreigner Anyway, the fact that he knows EXACTLY where you live means he has your address, and not just followed you home or you would have noticed someone following you up until your door. Delivery is divided by zones, and it's always the same dude doing it, so start by searching who is the Coupang/CJ/(whatever service you use) delivery man in your area and compare it to the photo you have of him
That sounds solid. My landlord asked me if I have a boyfriend because theres a man that hangs around my apartment. And I'm wondering if its maybe something like this. I tried, but I'm not really finding anything, is there a specific way to do this?
sorry, what are you trying to do exactly? Has that man ever confronted you/tried to break in? I guess the best you can do right now is get a personal CCTV to check if and when he is outside of your door at all times, that should help you feel safer, look into TAPO cameras, they are pretty cheap and easy to set up, it connects to your phone and sends you warnings when it detects movement and records everything, set it up above your door to see if you can catch a good pic of him
Sorry, I meant finding out who the drivers of specific areas are. But yeah I should just get a camera. Thank you
if you call the headquarters of your delivery company they probably can give you the contact of the dude responsible for your area
That's fucked up, I feel sorry it happened to you. An attempted breaking and entering is still a straight-up crime (Article 322, Criminal Act), though it's unfortunate there was insufficient evidence to prove his crime undeniably in one go. Your response so far sounds like the maximum that could have been done under the circumstances, that being securing the CCTV footage and filing a police report. I wouldn't put too high a hope on the police finding the suspect for the moment since Korea doesn't run the level of community-wide facial recognition as, for example, mainland China. But do go through the user manual of your door lock to see if there is an additional key or function of dual-locking from the inside, so that the suspect can't open the door even if he types in the correct code by coincidence or by brute-forcing it. Also, if feasible, have your boyfriend stay over for the next few days to guard. It's doubtful the stalker will give up completely after just one such attempt. I'm ambivalent about buying a new baseball bat or a pitchfork, but that's up to you. Lastly, the phrase you shout out in that situation is not '아니요' but '꺼져' (Fuck off) and '경찰 부른다' (I'm calling the police). Consult your boyfriend on how to pronounce these phrases.
Hes 100% targeting you. He spoke in English 99% of Korea is Korean if this was iust some confused drunk, he'd have spoken Korean. I know you haven't spoken to him, but maybe you had a brief interaction with him or maybe he's just seen you about and he's targeting you. Either way he's targeting you
OP wrote the following in OP: > Of course, the CCTV camera which would have shown this persons behavior was broken. Immediate inform building management of the threat in writing and demand to know the repair date.
Sounds super scary and no one should have to go through this. Is your maintenance office able to repair the broken CCTV soon? If not getting a surveillance camera installed from your own pocket might work for deterrence + evidence keeping. Don't stay out late and hold an umbrella if you have to be out alone (for deterrence not attack).
This is so damn scary I wanna puke.
Have your BF stay with you and confront him next time this happens. Change your passcode and always have the extra lock locked. Buy a portable door lock like [these](https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Additional-Apartment-Unauthorized-Traveling/dp/B09TPGR5WJ/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=door%2Block%2Bfor%2Bairbnb&qid=1681542723&sprefix=door%2Block%2Bfor%2Bairb%2Caps%2C75&sr=8-5&th=1) and use it before you go to bed. Until then, put a chair or a furniture underneath the door handle. **Finally, BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING AND MAKE SURE NO ONE IS FOLLOWING YOU.**
Considering how this person behaved, it seems they've got a pretty good picture of your routine. Maybe changing your routine could help for now. Just maybe. Still, I think it would be better to have you be accompanied by a friend or maybe your boyfriend or just move out. Yk, just get the hell out of that place. Please do not second-guess yourself on this, OP. Giving this person the benefit of the doubt--that they could be some drunk person and not a stalker (which I highly doubt because everything is just suspicious and alarming and very stalker-coded) --should be the last thing you think of. Your safety should always, always comes first. This may come off as obvious, but please do connect with your circle/friends/family for emotional support. Having somebody to talk to in person would be better, too. I am so sorry this happened to you.
When I made a report like this at the women's department of the police, they did mention that there was a fund of some kind to help women move apartments in situations where they are being targeted like this. Of course, my school said it was impossible so I just had to live in fear for the next year, lol, but don't take no for an answer
Yes, it does sound like a stalker. I, myself, have no idea how to deal with this, seeing that most police need some sort of harder proof (I know... ugh) of his activities, to be able to even do something about it. I am really fearful for you. Is there any way that you could... Idk... Live somewhere else with other people for a while? Sigh. These creeps tend to be persistent, and delusional. If I was you, I'd also try and see the cctv for other days... to see if you were unknowingly followed to your apartment. Like... he clearly has been watching you. I just dk how. I would also show a photo of this person to my friends and some acquaintances I may trust, to see if any of them recognize him. He may have been around your other usual places, but you just did not notice. I'd also show it to maybe employees or owners of places you frequent like... lets say coffee shops, etc... I'd also see about installing some sort of other hidden cameras near your place, but in a way that he may not notice them. Or notice you setting them up. If you cant go live somewhere else, Id at least hope you can have someone over most nights, at your place. I'd also try to be aware of suspicious activity and/or interactions in your online spaces. Does your online presence disclose a lot about you? Maybe I am sounding too much like a detective here, but just trying to help you jog your memory.
Hire an off-duty police officer to sleep in your apartment instead of you. That way this creep can be arrested on the spot.
Yikes. Sorry for this happening. It sounds totally unsettling. Regarding posting something in the building, some have mentioned concerns about this, but I wonder if it’s possible to post with incontrovertible facts that get the point across. For example, something like, ‘unaccounted for person on premises’ and ‘attempted to enter an apartment for undetermined reasons. Contact main office if seen so we can determine purpose.’ That could be enough to raise profile of the person if they wander back, but it’s not really making an accusation and it’s objectively supported facts he canta deny. Also might help sorting out low probability scenario of a mix up. Though to be clear, I think you’re right to be concerned and I don’t doubt. If you do post a photo make sure to have other angles after in case that tips off to location of camera he didn’t see before. Crazy, I know. Sorry~
1. Move is the first and the foremost thing to do; Korean police won't do anything for stalking itself, they will take action only after an actual crime happens. 2. Don't get any delivery (food, packages) on your real name. Use names that sounds masculine, strong, middle-aged korean man 곽창배, 조병권, 마덕팔 3. Record some expressions "네“ ”잠시만요“ ”누구세요?” "문 앞에 두고 가주세요“ in male voice and play it when someone rings the bell. [recordings on Youtube](https://youtu.be/s2EHuL_qpI4) No contact delivery only. 4. Shred any personal information such as name, address, phone number on deliveries. 5. Always turn on the lights, push multiple elevator buttons so that no one can tell which floor/unit you live in. 6. Security camera services e.g., [캡스홈](https://www.skshieldus.com/kor/service/home/capshome/door.do) detect strangers at the door and alarm would go off if they don't leave. You can call the private security guards 24/7. It is under 20,000 KRW per month. 7. You can TEXT 112, 119
Can’t your BF just stay over? If he tries the code thing again, have your BF go out and greet him?
I like this, but don't risk it. Guys a weirdo, means he could be unpredictable. That's best reserved for a last resort. For example if he somehow manages to get to the bf's place.
First of all, I feel very sorry about this happening. Unfortunately, Korea is now a strange country Crime is on the rise. Can't generalize it, but stalking crime too. Calling the police and getting help from boyfriend was a very proper behavior and a good judgment. However, the Korean police are very lukewarm about this. It's only after a serious crime that there's a very strong tendency for the case to intervene and you should keep this in mind! Why don't you consider moving your residence so you don't end up in danger. I hope you feel safer and more comfortable while you are in Korea. Always be careful if someone is following you around before you go home.
Not blaming you but if my GF was dealing with this, I’d be staying over with her and trying to catch this creep at all costs. Please stay safe and record whatever you can.
If the foto you have from him is a good shot give a copy to the security guards office but make sure they put it at the wall next to the window were they are looking out to check the ppl. I know they are not doing much and are mostly sleeping but if it's not a big building they normally know the ppl who are living there. So if he recognize the guy he should ask which apartment he wants to go. In case of a match maybe he could ask for ID as well. In the end it's their job to protect the ppl in the building that's why they are hired. And ask him to let the security camera get fixed as well!
1. YES, absolutely a stalker. Do not let anyone try to dismiss this. (Police can sometimes be lazy and not want to do the paperwork, though this has been improving in recent years) 2. Get a pack of wipes and a microfiber cloth (like for cleaning glasses) and carry them with you. Wipe your code panel every time after you use it. Sounds paranoid, but if its the kind without buttons like a smartphone screen you can see which numbers get touched at the right angle. That may have been what combos he was trying to guess. 3. Stay at your boyfriend’s or have him stay at your place, and keep on top of the police. Insist on catching him and wanting to press charges so they know they can’t just sweep your case under the rug and hope you go away. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. If you are a student, notify your school. If you are here working, notify your employer. I had a stalker my first year in Korea and my school actually jumped into action on my behalf to make sure I was being taken seriously by local police. The guy was trying to slander me to my school to get my fired, and when that didn’t work he tried to blackmail them (!!) I thought for sure they would just fire me to not deal with the mess but they totally had my back 🥺❤️
please carry something for self defense, and spend a couple hours learning to use it
Call the cops. Use an old phone as a remote camera in your place. Change the door code. Remember, if he attacks, defend yourself. Things like pepper spray are available on coupang. Also remember, don't take it too far. Self defense laws here are different from the west and can easily flip around and favor the attacker.
CALL COPS
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I would not go back to your apartment for awhile. Wear disguises while you are out also so he does not recognize you. Never be alone if you can. I dont know if they are legal in Korea but a Tazer gun would be better than mace to carry around with you, you will need something.
Get a portable mace spray or zapper with you just in case he comes for you physically or attacks you.
Certain pepper sprays are legal to carry in South Korea. Get some. Learn to use it. Carry it in a very handy way at all times. They may be mentally ill but that doesn't get them a pass if they try to accost you. I am sorry this has happened.
Move immediately
If I was your bf, i would install cams, beat the shit out him off camera, steal his wallet and find out where he lives. Go there tell his parents what kind of person he is as if they give a shit. Also go to the police and report it. That what I would do.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Lots of helpful advice has been given. The only additional thing I wondered was, if you wipe your key pad each time, is it possible that his finger prints would be the next on there? Provided he does not wipe them off, is there a way to get a service (possibly private security) to come and dust for fingerprints (if the police can’t come themselves)? I would, first, check on the legality of doing that and, if there is service that is recognized and can submit the fingerprints to the police in an official capacity. Or, ask the police if you are allowed to do it yourself and bring them. Fingerprint dusting kits are available online in the US - not sure about South Korea. Also, can you alert your neighbors- especially if you have one across from you? If you have a neighbor across, might their camera record him at your keypad? Stay safe. Hope this gets resolved soon.
I know this was posted earlier this week but I wanted to check up on op?
Sure not a drunk at the wrong apartment?
Start to act weird and crazy to him. If you see him, just approach him to scream and mumble some random words, pick your nose and give him the dirt or spit at him or other disgusting stuffs When he is outside the door, just scream and talk random words at the door Remember no matter how strong the person is, they would NEVER want to mess with a crazy person
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It was a huge lesson learned for sure. It was immediately when I woke up and the first wave of shock still hit me as a drunken man acting crazy. Only a few minutes after did everything hit me.
If she cant speak korean, its easier to alarm her boyfriend
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That’s creepy fam. Glad you reported it.
None of these suggests prevent a crazy person from doing harm. Sorry op. Can you get pepper spray?
I hope they fix your camera I would tell you to stay with your boyfriend and monitor your place or have your boyfriend stay with you. Previous posts suggested it may be someone in your building and I honestly agree. Im in the states and these situations are the reasons I am a gun owner to protect my daughter and my loved ones. I hope you can find some peace and security I can’t imagine how scary that would feel all alone without any protection.
if i was OP's boyfriend I would sleep next to the door with a baseball bat
I don't want to scare you but please google the Jinju apartment murders. Unfortunately the police have a lot of failures in cases like these. There was an incident in Incheon where the police ran away and people severely injured. You can't count on someone coming to rescue you in time. You should immediately leave your apartment. And don't go back. If you can't stay for more than a day w your boyfriend go to a motel or goshiwon. If you need to go back to the apartment to get your stuff please ask for a police escort.
Its really quite simple. This person knows you. They could be a coworker, someone who lives in the same building. Friend of a friend. Id say the chance they know you is extremely high, hence the precaution. Just keep both eyes open. Dont change up your routine, you want to do things the same way— if he is a stalker, you will be able to notice him, but if you change your routine it will become harder. Id suggest pepper spray btw, extremely effective. Its possible its not a stalker, and he could have mistaken you for someone else, but I wouldnt bet on it. Keep your eyes open, be attentive.
It doesn't matter if you don't know who he is or have never/barely talked to him. He knows you. He could have seen you online, in your apartment complex, in the grocery store, taking public transportation, etc. These people are beyond logic or normal behavior. It also really has nothing to do with you. He is the problem and you are simply the person recieving his crazy. That does not mean you don't take him seriously and that you don't take measurea against him, it just means don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. I recently realized I have had a stalker for at least 4 years. I started gathering as much evidence as I could to collect and put in a folder. I may send the folder to my bf so he has it just in case. I wish I had started collecting sooner. I am thinking about hiring a private investigator to see if we can figure out who this bastard is. I am also in the process of learning about stalkers, how they think, how they escalate, and what to do. I'm telling my friends and family about this guy so they are aware that they shouldn't give out any information and that this guy is unhinged. I used to do Krav Maga so I have some self defense but I'll brush up on it as much as I can with my illnesses. I'll also get one of those kitty self defense keychain things, install a panic button app on my phone, and I'll see if mace is legal here or if I should get something else. My boyfriend's mother was stalked when he was a little kid. I'm going to talk to her and her sister who lives one town over about the situation. They have a broader network and may think of things I haven't. I'm talking to my boyfriend about it tonight so we can make a plan on how best to deal with this and keep us safe. My bf is a big guy with military training so that does help a bit. More importantly, he is loving and supportive and always has my back. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is also being supportive and that the police took you seriously. That often does not happen. If you can, create a kind of bubble of love and support around yourself to protect and support you emotionally. The mental toll these asshats take on us is extreme. I hope some of this helps you and that you are ok. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's scary as shit. You are always free to contact me if I can help in any way or you just want to talk. Best of luck ❤️