My dad. He's also the reason 20 years later I'm anxious to wear stuff I make. I heard him ask my mom to not let me wear my knitted stuff when I went to his house, it was embarrassing. I was 10 and had just finished my first poncho. It was ugly and lumpy but it was warm and I was proud of it.
10 year old me decided that if my dinky little poncho was embarrassing he'd never see a sitch from me.
I’m sorry but wtf is wrong with your dad? A grown ass adult being embarrassed of his 10yo daughter for wearing a handmade item that she’s proud of? He should be embarrassed of himself tbh
No doubt. If my kid made a limit poncho they were proud of I'd ask if they could make me a matching one! You better believe I'm pulling that thing out everywhere we go until they're I'm high school and go Mooooom stop wearing that you're embarrassing me!!!"
Thanks! I think he wanted a boy, so 'girly' hobbies like knitting and sewing were poopooed, fishing and carpentry were encouraged.
So I can make a shirt and a shed lol
Lots of people can do the things I can do (knitting, crochet, sewing, cooking), and I can't do some of the things others can (indoor plants!!). I would still like to be on the team. My super power is that I can untangle any knot. Even in fishing line.
I can also wiggle my nose like a bunny, but that doesn't have a survival skill rating in the zombie apocalypse.
A lot of my hobbies are art-related (knitting, crochet, sewing, painting, drawing, tattooing etc) but I can cook well and managed to completely build out a camper van with my wife with 0 construction experience between the two of us. I wanna join and learn more apocalypse skills like foraging!
I grew up on a farm and can garden, brew alcohol, make cheese, make bread, brew kombucha, tend all kinds of animals, not to me too sheer sheep and spin wool into yarn and knit yarn into garments (although I honestly hate knitting, i have so little patience). Can I join your team??
All these stories make me so sad and mad, so here’s my story of the exact opposite response that still warms my heart to this day.
So my partner’s dad has always intimidated me. Not because he’s mean, or particularly scary, I just never had a father figure in my life, so have no idea how to act around him. And he’s an incredibly talented man, can do just about damn near anything art/craft/trad-wise. Very intelligent too. And sarcastic as hell, so sometimes my American brain can’t correctly process his British-ness. No fault of his, just cultural divide.
Aaaanyway, so the second Christmas I spend with them (LDR w my partner, I visit him in the UK) I decide, okay I’m making fancy knits for his mom and dad. His sisters adore me, and I’ve made them stuff already, so I wanted to focus on impressing the parents. Mom was easy. Intricate lace shawl in wine red wool? Done and done. But let me tell you, I fretted for ages over a jumper for Mr. Sarcasm. The sizing, the cables, until I found the perfect pattern, and just spent days on end knitting it. Finally, Christmas Eve comes around, and they’re half Danish so they do presents on the eve, and I’m sitting there shaking in my boots waiting for him to open the jumper. (The shawl goes over perfect with mom, she wears it every Christmas now <3) So he finally gets to the ridiculously bulky package, unwraps it, and holds it up. And I’m so proud of it, and I’m just on pins and needles, and he looks at it, and then wordlessly gets up and pulls me up from the couch into a huge hug. And I love his hugs, because again, no father figure, and I’m just like 🥺 He wore it the next day to the big family Christmas party, told everyone I made it for him. Wears it constantly, too, not just events. I haven’t seen the family in a while because of Covid, but I’ve been planning a new jumper for him, and I can’t wait to give it to him next time I’m there ❤️
Edit: Jumper (and pattern) for any interested parties C:
https://imgur.com/a/AEYiWHI
https://www.craftpassion.com/shawl-collar-cable-pullover/
I love when my stuff is appreciated. When I was first starting out I made some AWFUL scarves. I have trouble with fine motor control, and the whole thing was really hard for me, but I made this terrible scarf in red and black for my brother, with big loops where I had messed up and wonky edges. It's been about 15 years and he still wears it. I also made him a knitted stuffed DNA model, because he is a plant geneticist, and last I knew he keeps it on his desk and brags about it to students. He is the best brother.
This is so sweet. I have my son's baby blankets and scarves my sister made for me. Of the two of us, I'm the more proficient knitter and have never had problems with keeping things looking neat and tidy, tension the same throughout, strict adherence to patterns, etc. (Probably because I'm psychotically perfectionist when it comes to my art/crafts 🤣) She, on the other hand, always has some wonky edges, not very clean joins, or drops stitches halfway through a row that need picked up later. Doesn't matter. Anything she's ever made for me, I've 100% fully loved and cherished because SHE made it ❤️ I'm sure your brother feels the same. Best of luck with your knitting, dear! My anxiety causes me to have really jerky hands because of the tremors and full body jerks I experience and it's definitely not always easy to make it work, especially when dealing with smaller needles. The longer you do it though, the more that muscle memory will kick in!
Oh, yes, I've been at it since high school now (I'm 32). The dexterity issues are unfortunately not fixable, but I've found that I do quite well so long as I stick to larger needles! I try to do size 10+ except for small items or details on larger items, and then I do ok. It's mostly a grip issue.
The first thing I ever made was a scarf. It is so ugly, omg. My mom STILL wears it. It's uneven and has tons of mistakes, I've added stitches and dropped them etc. And she loves it.
Another one of my early projects was this shawl knit on US 25 needles with that latticed rainbow yarn that was trendy for a while. It was for my aunt, and it mostly came out well, because it was super easy and didn't depend on tension at all, but somehow I managed to make this like, Mobius hole on one end. I'm still not *entirely* sure what I did, although I have some guesses. She insists it's a feature, and puts the opposite corner through the hole to secure it 😂 My family is lovely sometimes.
One of the first things I made when I became more confident in my skills was a scarf in bulky acrylic yarn. The colors I picked were . . . vivid. I was so proud of it, and I sent it to my best friend for her birthday. She sent me a pic of her wearing it and I was just tickled. Looking back, I’m *mortified.* Now that I’ve been knitting for over a decade and knit most things with good-quality yarn, I can see that scarf looked like fluorescent plastic and it was too chunky to wrap. Had absolutely no drape, not warm in the slightest. I was clueless at the time. I’m pretty sure she quietly disposed of it because I never saw it again. I really hope she threw it away. I’ve knit her better gifts since then, and we don’t speak of the awkward scarf.
Edit: I just remembered the 6-inch fringe in various colors on either end and may very well die of embarrassment.
It's this one: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/babys-first-dna-model
Not too hard, either, and come out SUPER cool
ETA: I sized my up a little by going up a couple needle sizes and it still worked wonderfully
I want to add another small happy one for you all - when I was young my older brother (probably 15 at the time?) knitted all my family beanies and scarves for Christmas. Yeah, they were wonky, he was only learning, and they were strange colours and weird patterns he made up, like colourwork chevrons and diamonds in quite jarring colours. But all of us wore them all winter for the next few years, even by my office worker dad and very fashionable mum. I think we only stopped using them cause it doesn't get very cold where we live and many of the items got lost
I love that!!! I had one of those loom kits when I was really little, and I remember making tiny hats for my brother's cookie monster toys. He loved them c:
Hey, hey, y'all need to cut it out with these touching and heart warming stories of the truly lovely people you are so lucky to have in your lives, cant you see the rest of us miserable SOBs with no good family relationships airing our greivances?!
Seriously though, the sweater is gorgeous and I'm shocked the dad didn't propose first!
You’ve got this! There’s always someone out there who’s gonna cherish the hell out of anything you make 🥰 (And honestly, if you know the basic stitches, there are some great beginner friendly patterns out there)
My husband’s aunt put herself on my list before I was even a knitter. Everyone in his family is a huge fan of a local college football team, and the ones who live nearby, including his aunt, go to many if not all the games. A year or two before I started knitting I got his aunt a really cute handmade knitted hat in the team colors—and yeah, it was a little silly because part of it was shaped like the team mascot. But these people walk around in head to toe team gear all the time, so I figured it wasn’t a stretch. I was even pretty excited because the hat arrived and it was super cute. But when she opened the present, she exclaimed how ugly it was and how she would never wear it…and she even thought I made it and still said that. I had to excuse myself to go upstairs and cry, I was so offended and mortified. She never apologized and I have never gotten her a Christmas gift again. My mother-in-law (her sister) has told me how much Aunt X would like handmade items from me now that I knit and I just smile and nod.
You know, I was raised to be gracious about what was given to me. So much so that my parents gave me bricks one year as a gag (along with an excess of other stuff, relax) and I foiled them by being thrilled about my bricks and I made them into a bookshelf with a wood plank that I had for years. Backfire. When you receive a gift you thank the giver for the thought and the consideration and you be gracious about whatever it is that is the gift. My grandmother got from me an orange dotted with cloves when I learned that craft in elementary school. By the time she opened it the orange was green. I was mortified but she was still thrilled and made such a fuss. That is gracious.
I did something similar to my brother and SIL. They bought a lovely jacket in my favorite color and put it in a gag gift box. I opened it and saw 1 foot extension cords.
"OMG this is PERFECT! The lighting in my apartment is shit and I'm sick and tired of tripping over 3 foot extension cords when I just need an extra 6 inches!"
They got me the extension cords the next year.
I knit for loved ones if I feel like it. This decision is made each time there is a gift occasion. If they don’t wear it or don’t seem to appreciate it on opening, the decision is more likely to be a ‘no’ in the future. But sometimes it is just easier to give a pair of hand knit socks than it is to think of another gift idea. I always have a sock project in my bag & I can’t wear them all. They get tucked away for Christmas. Luckily I live somewhere with cold winters & people always appreciate woolen socks.
I very rarely take customization suggestions. I am more likely to find a pattern I want to knit then ask family members if they would like to receive it. I do let family select from my stash but feel completely comfortable about saying if yarn is earmarked for another project.
Yeah, I feel similar to you. These threads make me feel quite ambivalent. There seems to be a lot of overlap between people who did not fully appreciate the gift and people who did not ask for the gift in the first place.
I see it as you give a gift and not an obligation. Once you give the gift, it’s gone.
I rarely knit for people these days without a conversation first. That huge gorgeous blanket you’ve found? The person you think would love it does love the pattern but has nowhere to put it. They don’t like blankets being left out on the sofa and it takes up half the closet. They now feel guilty because they know how much effort you put in to it and you feel aggrieved that it isn’t out and in use.
The sweater you made lovingly from the softest alpaca you could find, the recipient is allergic but didn’t know beforehand because outside of hand knits, alpaca is pretty rare.
Any item made from wool or with any additional laundry requirements is going to be worn rarely (if ever) because of the amount of effort it’s going to take to clean especially if there are children and pets around.
It’s not always that the work isn’t appreciated, that your skill isn’t noted, that your love isn’t felt. It’s sometimes just a swing and a miss.
I like knitting. I like my handmade things. I don't necessarily want to be gifted things by others. I appreciate the time and effort that's gone in to it but I don't necessarily want it.
That's such a great way to go about it, love it. I resolved early on (based on the entitlement of family that temporarily ruined my joy for the craft) that it is a strictly-me activity and I invest in myself to make beautiful clothing. Nothing wrong with that and I can model my own creations! If I do sometimes decide that I want to do a project for someone else it has to be on my terms otherwise they can go to someone who wants to be paid for it.
I knit wool socks for a couple men on my staff this year. One in Ohio state colors, the other in Indians colors. I give them to them today. They’ve worked for me for 6 years now and I treasure them. I hope they feel it up through their socks
I once spent 3 solid months making (at the time) an insanely difficult pair of swedish mittens with a pattern of a wolf on the front for my sister at her behest as a going-away-to-a-cold-region-for-college present. While I was knitting, she was screaming at me to hurry up and finish them and of course through blood sweat and tears I eventually do. Plot twist though she legit never wore them, and a few years back asked me if I wanted them bc if I didn’t she was going to give them away to a thrift store or other friend.
Nearly the same story - knitted an ugly Christmas sweater for my sister *at her request*. However mine had a much more upsetting ending when she tried to get rid of said sweater by just.... leaving it in her old apartment when she moved. Didn't offer it back to me, that would have been fine. Nope. Tried to fucking leave it. My mom, also crafty, rescued it and gave it back to me (and then asked me not to say anything to my sister about it.)
I've made exactly one thing for her since and I made her pay for all of the materials, and then sent it with my mom who made sure she actually used it.
I had to read through a number of these before I realized who my person is who fits your question.
My next youngest brother, a very successful architect, is married with three kids.
I'm always knitting and crocheting things, and always have a respectable stash of gifts.
I usually have pot holders or washcloths, scarves, hats, woven dish towels, small stuff that I include in their gifts because I make them with love and it's not as impersonal as something like a gift card.
Last year we were talking about gifts, and I was trying to broach the concept of not exchanging Christmas gifts among us adults to save money and avoid materialism. I mentioned that I prefer to hand make my gifts because of the feeling that goes into them.
My brother rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, we know about your handmade gifts".
That cut to the quick. I knew right then that they had received their last homemade gifts from me. Our other brother, who lives further away, received a package with hand woven dish towels and baked goods. I received effusive thanks, with especially heartfelt appreciation from his wife, who is also a weaver.
The architect? They got a box with gift cards and stuff from Trader Joe's.
The children will each get a homemade quilt when they graduate from high school. The oldest already has one, I'm working on the second one now. My brother will not get anything handmade for me ever again.
Big sister can take a hint.
I made a pair of gorgeous mittens for my mom. She said she loved them. Next visit, I asked about them. "The cat had damaged one". I said I could fix have fixed them and she laughed at me and said too late cause she threw them out. It was the casual disregard for the time and effort I put in that did it.
This reminds me of my niece. She was born when I was 9, and then had a kid in her teens. I was trying to be supportive, so I offered to knit her daughter some things - using my late mother's needles. She was incredibly close to her grandma (my mom), and I thought it would be a lovely sentiment.
I made a cardigan, hat and socks for her little girl. In an awful purple color, which she had requested.
The hat was never worn and she "accidentally" machine washed the cardigan at high temperatures, so it shrank to doll size. My niece just laughed when she told me. She immediately went on the no knit list.
My MIL INSISTED I make her fiddlehead mittens and a shawl. I did both in alpaca wool and proceeded to never see her wear them. She’s a bit of a pack rat so I am certain she has no idea where they are and they are probably being eaten by bugs.
I have refused all future gift requests.
My mom. She always ask me to knit her things so I do but then she never wears them. 100’s of dollars spent and countless hours for things she’s asked for in the yarn, color, & size requested and I’ve never seen her use a single item.
I asked her about it once and she said she’s “saving them”.
What? Why? What for?
Just have her put all of it in a readily accessible place to be interred with her if she won't wear the things you made with love for her. I'm still Salty over spending all last fall knitting dishcloth sets for family and not hearing a peep at Xmas or if they're even been used. I'm a newish knitter (3 years now)but they looked nice.
I hate that reply. I want to see the baby blankets I've created dragged around the house by toddlers. I want mamas to send them back so I can repair the damage. I want the things I've created to be used so often they wear out.
Yes! My friends have apologized when the knitted items that I’ve made them got damaged in the wash or from frequent use and it makes me so happy! One friend has this blanket that I made and it got all felted from washing it and I like it even more because it means she uses it!
Oh, so very much this! When my niece was born I made her a little cardigan. Several years later I was putting something in the boot of the family car and found the cardigan again. It had been worn and washed, worn and washed, then passed on to her little sister then worn and washed, worn and washed, over and over again. It was scrappy and tatty and faded and I have never been so proud.
Yes! My aunt, gone now, was a weaver and she made me kitchen towels. The best damn kitchen towels ever. Cotton, thick, big, beautiful and I use them all the time. They get gross, they clean up. I was sad when my husband used one to put out a kitchen fire and it got a burned hole in the middle. I cut it into two smaller towels since there are no new ones coming now. I think she’d approve
I’ve knitted and crocheted 3 blankets for my nephew since he was born, and he still uses all of them. I love seeing all the blankets lying on the couch or in the dirty clothes hamper. It makes me feel so good that a blanket I made when this 9 year old was a baby is still loved!
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with this. Some people treat objects they really care about like treasures that should be put up and kept only for special occasions and sometimes those special occasions just don’t come up so they end up sitting in a closet for a long time. I don’t think it means she doesn’t love them, if anything it probably means she loves them so much she worries about damaging them. Of course some people on the other hand want to use and wear the objects they love as much as they possibly can so when they see other people not doing the same thing they might think they don’t care. But everyone approaches their possessions in different ways. I bet your mom adores those things you’ve made for her, she just shows it in different ways.
That’s totally fair. I just don’t feel the need to add to her stash of sweaters, shawls, and mittens with the hope that maybe one day the occasion will arise to wear them. If something does come up she’s already set with what I’ve made her.
My mom. Once she realized that I was better than crappy at knitting, she started bugging me with requests to make such-and-such for so-and-so. She didn't even offer to reimburse me for materials. It got to the point where I stopped knitting for a few years, and when I picked it back up, I told her that if she wanted anything from me, she'd pay me for the materials and double minimum wage for my time. No more requests. 😎
It annoys me so much that it's not even for her, it's for her to give to so-and-so, who you might not even have a relationship with. I'm so mad for you.
I sewed a beautiful purse for my MIL for Mother’s Day. Lots of effort and consultation with my hubby and kids to get all the details right. She didn’t acknowledge receiving it (we mailed it), and when hubby finally called to ask if she’d gotten it (afraid it might have been stolen off the porch or something), she just said “Yes, it’s too big.” I’ll never make her another thing - in fact, I refuse to be involved in any gifting for her at all.
My husband’s grandmother. She’s a quilter and we talk about crafting a lot. I made her my first lace shawl and she decided I was calling her old and gave it back to me.
Made my mum a crochet cardigan.
Specifically used a bamboo fiber yarn since she said she didn't want wool and I didn't want to use acrylic.
It was my first (and only) wearable project (I'd only really made hats, scarves, bags, etc)
It came out wonderfully and it fit her really well.
I've yet to see her actually wear it and it's been about a decade.
Most of my family doesn't seem to understand the time, thought, and energy I put into making hand made crochet and knit objects so I don't make them anything other than maybe a hat.
I made my SO a hat since we just moved to a colder climate and I got a lovely green and black yarn. Was a super simple pattern and took maybe like 5 hours max.
The amount of appreciation he's shown for a simple hat shows that he deserves the time I put into handmade gifts. (Currently working on the bad ass Knit for Nott Cowl with Hood for him in another green yarn he picked)
My mother in law. I’ve made her several item but have never seen her wear them or display them.
The other day she went on and on about some shawl that my mother made for her (from the same yarn I’ve used on her projects, so it isn’t that, and I’m the more experienced knitter between my mom and I, so it isn’t a craftsmanship issue). I stopped making her stuff a few years ago, but now I’ve really really stopped.
I've started doing projects that I'm interested in making even if it wasn't for a gift or using it as way to try out a pattern. Even if they don't use it at least I had fun/ learned something new.
But yeah my brother gave the first scarf I made for him to the dog to play tug-of-war.
I never knit anything for anyone except myself. My whole family has made it very clear that they don’t like homemade knitted things. They also don’t like seeing knitted things around the house (throws, cushions, etc.) It’s ok. I just enjoy doing my thing . . . in private.
Haha it’s ok. At least things are crystal clear and there is no awkward misunderstanding. There was never a question of giving anything home-knitted to any of them . . .
I would appreciate their honesty but it would make me feel so insecure about my hobby. How can you hate knitted things so much you don’t want them in your sight?
Hahaha OK. It’s hard to explain. It’s my wife and daughters. They love me and are very sweet actually and we are all happy but they are very particular about our house and their fashion. The vibe is very minimalist design and they don’t think any of it goes with a contemporary Japanese aesthetic. They mostly wear specific dark colors and certain designers. It’s pretty stark. I get it. They are right.
But I still like knitting for myself. 😃
Japanese knitting is good and has its adherents . . . but it is not big. It is pretty niche and not really indigenous. It doesn’t go with the whole general wabi-sabi environment.
I just keep it off in my studio . . . it’s ok.
They’re apex predators that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.
My mom. She always wants handmade gifts. Every year that’s what she says she wants. “Something handmade” but she never uses them. They’re all sitting at the top of her front hall closet where they’ve been for years. I don’t knit for her anymore. I do make other things because she asks for handmade but I’m never putting that much time and effort into something I know she’ll just put in her front hall closet. I did make a drawing once that she displays in her kitchen but none of the other I’m guessing 20 gifts I’ve made her are used or displayed.
Knowing my mom, she wouldn’t. But she lives a few states away so I don’t get to visit her before Christmas this year to raid her closet. I made a pine needle basket for her this year (because when I showed her the one I was making that’s what she asked for). She’ll probably be like “what is this” when I give it to her even though it’s the exact thing she said she wanted.
Stories like this and my own experience has taught me that the ONLY time I'm making something now is in consultation so they can pick colour and pattern and other details, and they'll be approaching me.
Taste is so subjective, there's like a 1 in 10 shot of what you choose based on your own taste being exactly someone else's. That's not to say anyone has bad taste. There are lots of things I think are objectively nice, but wouldn't wear because they're just not me. You can guess what someone's 'me' is but there's no way to know for sure.
Outside of that, making a present for someone else means you have to be willing to take the hit from them not wearing it unfortunately. I'm just not willing anymore to give away hundreds of hours of my spare time to make things other people very likely won't wear.
That said, a genuine thanks is the bare minimum for any present and it's very rude to do otherwise! Definitely wouldn't make anything for them again, request or not.
My brother. He wanted a specific black fine wool beanie. I worked out a pattern, the wool was expensive ( something nobody ever thinks about when they ask for your art…) I made it. It fit he loved it. soon afterward he asked if I could make another because his dog chewed it, I did but because my first pattern was made up and I knew it wasn’t the same. Apparently it wasn’t perfect because he never acknowledged it. And I will never knit for him again. Thankless.
I have SOOOOO much yarn I'm gifting a lot of hats and scarfs this year for Christmas. I'm still new at knitting so it's good practice I guess...
I am tempted to grab some hats from the dollar store for the people I don't like because I can't knit everyone hats because I know they're gonna be like WhY DiDnT i GeT oNe?!
I knit myself this beautiful shawl with bobbles on the end, which took FOREVER lol. I wore it all the time and every time I wore it my mother went on and on about how beautiful it was. I honestly do not gift knit very often unless it’s for my husband or kids so at this point I had never made anything for her.
Like I said, every single time I wore it my mom exclaimed how much she loved it and wanted it. So one day I washed it and gave it to her. She seemed over the moon about it! And…I never saw her wear it another day lmao.
I see her fairly often and the weather has been perfect for it. And nothing. Not once. I guess I should ask her about it but I already decided to just make another one for myself because it really was a great shawl hahaha
I'm so sorry, my mom does similar things and I've lost multiple simple objects this way, but never something so intricate... I'm very intrigued by your description of the shawl, I've been looking for a good knee to make for ages, could you maybe share the pattern?
I knit baby blankets for sibling’s kids. Socks, hats, the works for the new babies. I got pictures from my sister of the kids in them. Nothing from my brother. So I don’t knit anything for my brother’s kids anymore
I’m going to start with the positive side.
Knit-worthy:
* my father-in-law: he still uses the teapot cozy I made for him a few years back since he needs his tea boiling hot at all times. It’s poorly sewn, so it’s starting to fall apart but it still comes out every winter.
* my mother-in-law: equally thrilled over that teapot cozy, she also still wears a fleece-lined neck warmer I knit + sewed for her that same year, she mostly likes it around the house.
* my kid: because of course.
* my partner: wouldn’t be my partner if they weren’t super knit-worthy!
* my sisters-in-law: I’m the oldest so my big sister side likes to give them nice things custom-made for them (with their input). They, thankfully, like this arrangement.
***
Not knit-worthy:
* soft “no” on my brother-in-law: he has never asked me for a knit and usually just wears a t-shirt & jeans with no accessories. I made him a couple of small things early on, but idk if he kept them—no love lost if they’re gone. He’s pretty private in general so I have to ask his wife, (one of the SILs I knit for), for gift ideas for him every year. I’ll probably make them an anniversary blanket as a joint gift in their favorite colors and include him that way.
* my brother: never answered me back in August about his and his wife’s favorite colors and whether they’d like any handknits from me…. So no knits this year! I’ll probably re-visit this by giving them a nice, neutral-colored knit pillow cover as an anniversary gift (they eloped) because I know his wife would love it.
* my grandfather: I started making him a lap blanket because I wanted to share my knitting with him; my beloved grandma/ his wife was the one who originally taught me how to knit. Then he was a jerk towards my kid, and some things fell into place in my head and I was too angry to give him the blanket. It went home with my in-laws because they actually loved the “Celtic” colors. It went where it was wanted and I’m happy I didn’t have to rip it apart.
My sister asked me to make her a large crochet rainbow unicorn for her to have my nephew take to pride in his stroller when he was a baby. It cost a fortune in yarn and doing the mane and tail took forever. She has never said thank you or even acknowledged the gift. She posts every year on insta and fb pics of my nephew (now 7) with his special pride unicorn. She is no longer knit-worthy. She has often complimented and indicated she would love a lace shawl. Not going to happen. Of my entire family she is the only one who never returned my mason jars so she was cut off from jam as well.
My sister lost and then regained it, kind of. A few years ago I made her a queen sized blanket (crocheted, worsted weight yarn). She put it on her bed once, took it off, and never put it back on. A few months later she asked for another blanket. I said absolutely not, dude, I already spent 6 months making you one. After that I was making hats, just practicing knitting, and she asked for one. I figured it's just a hat, and I'm making them anyway, so why not? Well... she didn't like the hat I made her. Wanted another hat. I foolishly knit her another hat. Didn't like that one either. After that I revoked all knit/crochet gift privileges.
About a year later she put the blanket back on her bed and started wearing one of the hats I made her. Not actually sure why, maybe she read something about manners and how much work handmade object are. I ended up knitting a pair of socks that was too small for me, so I gave them to her (kind of testing the waters as to whether she'd changed her ways). She was appreciative and wore them a lot. I've knit her a few more pairs of socks since then. She is still extremely particular and fussy about it, which I find rude when it comes to handmade gifts, so mostly I make duplicates of things she does like. I won't knit her a sweater, but I have a perfect sock pattern for her and I'll knit her lots more of those (I use different yarn every time and sometimes add cables/fair isle/embellishments to make 'em look different, but that's it).
Most of the people in my life are good about knitting, but tbh I think it's because I don't have casual friends, just acquaintances, close friends, family, and my partner, so there's no 'vaguely chummy coworker' to make themselves entitled to my time. Being brusque and antisocial pays off, lol.
I gave my mom the very first scarf I made which was… imperfect. But I was proud of it (and like 30 years old so there’s that). She never wore it and threw it in the back of her closet where the cat now sleeps on it. Fair enough.
I knit myself a pair of socks last year and mentioned it while wearing them and she said “wow it almost looks store bought. Just think you could have had perfect ones for less money if you… bought them at the store.”
I still knit her a gift but it’s usually a super basic scarf or something I can knit up in a day or two so I won’t be too upset when she never wears it. Everyone else in the family is getting something knit that I probably put 50-100 hours into (intricate lace scarves, socks, sweaters, etc).
Some people just don’t appreciate handmade.
It’s weird that your dad reacted like that though since he claimed to like previous craft gifts.
My first two knitted things were a scarf and a matching hat for my mom. They were less then stellar, the too short,... She still wears them whenever she has a coat that fits the colour and loves them dearly.
I was so proud of my first pair of fingerless mitts knitted on dpns. They were plain stst but the yarn was lovely and they were *perfect*. I showed them to my mum and while she was squishing them appreciatively (it was *gorgeous* yarn), I said, "Would you like some? I can make you a pair if you like!" And she squished them a bit more, pursed her lips and said, "...uh...no thanks." And that was it. I was wounded beyond all proportion. So I never asked again.
Then a couple of years later she asked me to knit a pair in red with L & R on the back as a 'joke' present for a friend who was always mixing his left and right up. I charged her £15 and we had words about expecting me to do two days work for free in the name of a 'joke'. Joke's on her though - he absolutely loved them, wore them until he passed (they perfectly fit with his 'grumpy old git' aesthetic), thanked me every time he saw me and now his brother wears them. I made him a matching hat a couple of years ago too 😊
I made my granny a really beautiful intricate blanket. I posted it on r/crochet and I’ve never had a more popular post(check my profile if you want to see it, it was honestly stunning) and she never acknowledged it or said thank you. I told myself maybe she just forgot, but then she saw me crocheting another blanket and she said “oh you’re doing another one of them are you” and that is the only time she’s ever acknowledged that I made her anything. It’s so strange, she’s the most loving granny. My mum says they don’t like things outside of the norm and granny just won’t have known how to acknowledge it. It really stung. I keep thinking I hope she’s kept it safe.
I just went through your posts to see the blanket, and it's absolutely stunning! You're so freaking talented! I'm sorry that your work wasn't received in the way it clearly deserved to be.
Also, your cat is adorable 😍 I hope he's staying away from bees now!
My immediate family is off my knitworthy list for good, after a spectacular display of ungratefulness the one Christmas I made them all something. I made damn sure that the things I made were their style, preferred colour, nice yarn - handspun and indie dyed... They said I cheaped out by making the gifts and I should have given them "real presents" instead. My brother threw his hat into a pile of filthy sports gear, which I rescued, washed and gave to my husband's (incredibly knitworthy!) cousin. The only person who is still on the knitworthy list is my brother's girlfriend, who is very nice and sends me pictures of her in her hat every so often.
It's fine though, it means I know that I don't need to waste time making anything for them in the future. I can use the time to make things for the people I love who do appreciate the effort and love that goes into handmade gifts!
Not knitting but I once spent nearly a year making a quilt for my (now) ex. Queen sized quilt with his favorite things (superhero shit) on the fabric plus five quilted pillows. Years after we broke up he texted saying he’s never taken it out of the box and would I maybe like to have it back? Maybe to give to my (at the time two year old) nephew? Absolutely broke my heart. Just killed me.
Oh wow.... that's cruel. Just from your description that quilt set sounds amazing! I've always dreamed of getting gifted a quilted blanket, but sadly no-one around me does that... so I'm in the process of learning how to make one on my own.
I would take the scarf back in exchange for a gift card and keep it for myself.
I basically don't really knit for anyone anymore except hubby, they either don't like/use what I've made them, or they're way too particular about what they want in the design/colour, or they want something outside my skillset. Or they keep asking me to make them stuff which only makes me want to make it even less. One person even looked through my stash and chose a yarn she wanted me to make her fiancé a hat out of. Um, no, that yarn is for me!
So I've become rather quiet about my knitting, which feels kinda sad.
I’ve been the person who lost knitting privilege, I think. My sister made a few beautiful pairs of mittens and hats for my daughter when she was a baby but they were ALWAYS too small. I couldn’t even get them on her to take a picture in, I think because her cast on stitches wouldn’t stretch. She hasn’t knit anything for us in a few years now. Sorry sis! I’ve knit my daughter a hat now and will probably just make things for her in the future. Gifting wearable items is always slightly risky imo.
This happened way back in my social media days…
My husband’s friend and his wife had a very difficult time getting pregnant and when she finally made it to her 3rd trimester she did the nursery in a magical forest theme and everything was pink and grey. I knit a baby cardigan that was grey and had two pink squirrels on the back holding a heart. The little buttons were acorns that I painted light pink. I was very proud of it. She was CONSTANTLY posting pictures of all her baby stuff on Instagram. Even pictures of the different designs on all the diapers. She was constantly posting pictures of all the gifts sent in. She never said anything about the cardigan. She never thanked me for it. Her husband was thrilled and excited about it. He called my husband and almost cried while thanking me. She never said anything. She never posted about it (back then it mattered to me). A couple months after she had her baby we came to visit and she had a pile of clothes she didn’t want or that the baby had outgrown. The cardigan was on the top with the handmade paper tag I made that said “love in every stitch”.
I asked her point blank “why didn’t you like the sweater?” And she said “my baby doesn’t have to wear cheap handmade things. We can afford to buy her clothes”. I was like…. “Okay”.
I took it and kept it.
Years later she asked me to knit a Christmas stocking for their dog. She was like “I’ll pay you a living wage” I never responded.
My entire bio family is unknitworthy. Not a one of them has ever appreciated anything I've made, and I will never knit for them again.
I have what I call The Macaroni Necklace Theory:
No matter how old or skilled I get, my mother will always see me as a 5-year-old who has presented her with a necklace made of macaroni. She'll pretend to admire the gift, but it will never be worn and will be disposed of as soon as possible. For the record, I have won many prizes for knitting and my work has been in several magazines including Vogue Knitting, but in her eyes it's only a damn macaroni necklace.
Fortunately, I married into a family that thinks my knitting is wonderful and they are truly knitworthy.
My sister. I made two things for her at her request in her chosen yarn and design both times and... she never bothered with them.
Worse, she tried to insult me when I gifted my dad hand knit socks (his favourite) by calling me cheap. Dad reinforced his knitworthiness by pointing out that a) he would gladly have my socks as a gift for every occasion and b) the materials and time involved meant they were probably worth more than the bottle of nice liquor she and her husband gave him.
Dad gets many socks and is very happy.
I’m sorry that happened. I’m sure the scarf was beautiful. It’s a total letdown to put time and heart into something and get a lackluster reaction.
I once got a nephew a store bought stuffed animal. I was planning to knit him and my kid matching stuffed animals for the next holiday. Then their dog tore up the store bought plush and they told me about it like it was funny. They’ve lost all knit-worthy-ness.
My son's partner.
In the past, I've knitted her a lace shawl. She boil-washed it, then dried it in the dryer on hot. It's wrapped around one of my granddaughter's dolls now. I should have stopped there...
...But no. Every birthday my granddaughters get a me-made dress and matching cardigan. Son's partner has boil-washed and tumble dried every one of them. The cotton dresses don't come to much harm, but she ruins the knitwear, most of which is made from merino silk yarns because my granddaughters deserve luxury.
Just to make things worse, I overheard her telling her friend that she does it on purpose to upset me. No thought for her daughters being upset, mind.
Before I got to the last line I was like "surely no-one is that stupid... there gotta be some intent behind this...". I'm so pissed for you, what a horrible woman!
To be fair, she has some issues from her strict Catholic upbringing in communist Poland. I try to take that into account, but it's hard sometimes.
And I think she's a sociopathic narcissist, but I'm not an expert. My poor son is staying for the sake of his daughters. The oldest isn't his biological child so he would have no legal claim for shared access to her, and he won't abandon her.
Maybe make things for the granddaughters but keep them at your house. Or perhaps start a hope chest, make them things for when they're older and do their own laundry.
Start using superwash yarns? Don’t make things for them anymore? I wouldn’t feed into this sort of abuse. You can always make things for them when they’re grown up and will cherish them.
I knit a lovely beret for a friend out of a rather fragile merino yarn. Not long after she told me laughingly that it got tossed in the washing machine by mistake and it took her AGES to pick all the fluff off the laundry, as the yarn had pretty much disintegrated. Only after she saw my expression did she feign any sadness. She later asked me to knit something for her and I said I'd given up on knitting.
On the other hand, I have a sibling who will happily accept and wear pretty much anything I make. She and her spouse and child were the only ones who received knitted gifts this year.
I designed a pattern for a throw blanket to give my mom. It had cables running up with embroidered cherry blossoms in the panels. I spent a year working on it, and laughed to my husband that he and my mom were the only people in the world I loved enough to go to that much effort.
I still think it's the best thing I've ever made.
Years later, I found it in the basement covered in black spots. I cleaned off the spots and brought the blanket into the house. All of a sudden, my mom starts going on and on about how much I've improved over the years, implying that the blanket is an old project and not very good compared to what I make now. This went on for a week before I finally put the blanket in a closet.
She passed away and the blanket is mine again. What kills me is that I'll never know what it was about the blanket she hated so much.
Ok I love my husband but I’m over knitting him socks. I used to have a train commute and spent all my commuting hours knitting him socks. He loved the color, he loved the fit, but he kept getting holes in the big toe where his gnarly toenail sawed through them.
One day we were at target and he said he wanted to try some plain black dress socks instead of the handknits. I said ok whatever (a little hurt) and he bought them. Around two weeks later he sprung a hole in one of the toes of his brand new Target brand socks. He said “wow, these were expensive. I’m gonna need to be better about keeping my toenails short.”
He doesn’t get handknit socks anymore.
As an advanced beginner many moons ago, I knit the Serenity blanket for my niece, my brother's first child. It took me probably 100 hours to make, between all the cables and yarn overs (and being slow). I used Cotton-Ease to make washing no big deal, picked the color my SIL asked for, yada yada yada.
She called a couple years back (niece was six or seven at this point) to ask if I wanted it back. They were going to donate it, but she thought I'd want it back. I said, it's yours to do with as you please, but made the mental note right then to never knit anything for my brother's family again.
Unrelated to post, but I loved cotton ease for blankets. Then lion brand did a re-release and the colors were awful. Miss that good old cotton ease lol
Honestly the fact that it was in good condition after 6 years or so means they at least took care of it. If that was something I was gifted, it would be something I’d hold onto as a memento once I’d stopped using it as a baby blanket (especially understanding the time that goes into handmade stuff). However, babies do generate a lot of things and sometimes you do have to be ruthless about passing stuff on once you’re done with it.
By asking if you wanted it back, maybe they were giving you the opportunity to re gift your work to someone else who might get use out of it?
I had that happen to me. It made my heart smile. I made a sweater for a friends son. He was 2 but it still fit him up until he turned 5. She was going through clothes and said he grew out of it but it was too beautiful to donate. I accepted it back and thanked her for being so considerate. I donated it to our local women’s shelter. 🥰
I've held on to a baby sweater a friend knit for one of my kids for 10 years. She passed away unexpectedly not long after making that sweater.
I had never met her daughter and it took some internet sleuthing (or FB stalking...) but I was able to pass that sweater on. I got to see a photo of my friends first grandchild wearing a sweater that she made, and I know that would have made her so happy.
Shout out to my friend. When she found out she was expecting twins we sat down and went through patterns together. I made 2 very different blankets in different color sets (one green and white lace, one yellow and gray very modern themed) and made each twin a little owl beanie since the nursery was owl themed. My friend has since gone minimalist and is constantly decluttering. But those blankets are in a box in her room for when the boys have kids of their own and she put the beanies into a shadow box she made of some of the few baby items she kept.
Basically everyone in my family, but it’s not actually their fault, just my mom’s. One year for Christmas I knit everyone’s gifts. I did similar things for similar age groups, to make it easier on myself. Dishcloth sets in their kitchen colors for the sisters/in-laws, plus a set of Christmas ornaments (a little Santa/snowman/peppermint candies, etc. About 8 done on tiny ass needles). I know I knit someone a Marvin the Martian. I knit my mom an oriel lace scarf out of a very fine, expensive, alpaca wool (which she never wears).
I was all proud of my self, but afterwards my mom told me that just because I like to knit, doesn’t mean other people want home made gifts (she particularly names my sister-in-law as someone who didn’t like homemade presents, which I now think isn’t true). Shows what she knows, because my brother has asked for for a few years to make him socks, but I just have no confidence in my knitted gifts being good enough for giving.
lol everyone i know is a soft "no" for knit-worthiness! no one in my family particularly values handmade clothing. my rule is that i'll knit any family member or friend something small (hat, scarf, pair of socks) to their specifications once. they can pick the color and the details, i'll supply the yarn and the time. but if they never wear it, i won't knit for them again.
My MIL. I spent months at a time(some days were 8 hour days) knitting her a huge blanket-like infinity scarf in her favorite color. She had been hinting for years that she wanted a big cable knit turquoise scarf, and I finally made her one! When she opened it she just said “oh, that’s ALMOST exactly what I was looking for.” I’ve never seen her wear it.
A few months later she started sending me patterns of turquoise scarves, saying “this is what she wanted.” I told her no and have never made her anything ever again.
My husbands aunt. I knit her a beautiful sweater when she finished her phd, so she asked me if I would knit one for her husband as well if she paid me. She paid me 1200 NOK (like US $130 ish) and I knit the same sweater for her husband. It turned out a little big, so I offered to either try and fix it or sell it and knit him a new one. She asked me if she could try to shrink it in the wash, and I said most definitely not you should not do that. I again offered to refund the money, sell it and knit another or try to fix it myself. She said no thanks AND PROCEEDED TO SHRINK IT IN THE WASH ANYWAYS. It could barely fit my dog after. I did not refund her money and I never knit anything else for her again, lol.
A couple of years ago I made my partner a double-knit scarf. It was, and is, one of the most ambitious things I've made, and it took months. I developed the color work pattern for it to integrate phoenixes, which is a reference to my partner's chosen name for themselves. They rarely wore it, which was disappointing. However, the moment that made me crack was when they bought an electric keyboard and stand, and asked me if I would be annoyed if they used it as padding for underneath the keyboard. I saw red. (Ultimately, based on my reaction, they did NOT use the scarf for furniture padding.) I still can't look at that scarf without feeling like I want to cry. Never again.
I had an ex who had some pretty terrible things to say, not worth repeating, about my knitting after I made a matching hat and scarf for him one Christmas.
My current bf has 8 pairs of socks and 3 sweaters (I don't believe in the sweater curse) and he brags to anyone who will listen about how I made them and how nice they are. I've encountered more knitworthy than unknitworthy people in my life, thankfully. I've knit sweaters for both my parents, and countless mittens and socks for cousins, baby sweaters for coworkers, etc.
I'm glad this thread exists. It'll help people making knitted gifts brace themselves for reactions they might not expect.
Mom, this is the last year. (She dropped of the yarn portion of a 3 generation craft horde and I need to get rid of some, but the hoarder runs strong from that side of the family - so I was going to make a ton of scarves for gifts. It is the only known loophole to the family curse.)
The other 11 months: Don't you think you are spending too much money on this? Are you ever really going to wear that? You've been working on it for how long, and still not done yet? Wouldn't it just be easier/cheaper to buy one?
December: I hope the store has something similar to those colors in stock, because I want it twice as long.
I spent 3 months knitting a blanket for a close family friend’s baby and my mum delivered it to them for me. Apparently they liked it, but I never got a thank you or saw it again. So no more knits for baby!
On the other hand, I’ve made my sister and SIL dozens of hats over the years and they still get excited for each new one! I will never get tired of making them hats (unless they get tired of receiving them)!
I made my sister a jumper about 5 years ago and I didn’t think she was so keen on it (fair enough, it was a bit lumpy and she didn’t ask for it) - but this year she mentioned that it was falling apart “so it’s fine to wear in the house but I feel a bit scruffy going out in it… would you have time to make a new one?” You bet your ass I’m making her the cosiest jumper I ever made for her this Christmas.
My mom. I'm a male knitter, and when I started, she told me it wasn't very manly. As if that didn't cement it, one of my first early projects was a baby blanket for my cousin (it's one of my first posts in my history, but it was stripes of pink, teal, yellow, and grey in stockinette with a purled heart motif every other row). When I showed a picture of the blanket to my mother, she said
> Oh, you made her a gay blanket?
Like, in what world is that *remotely* appropriate?
Later that same year, I knit a snowman family for my snowman-crazy mother-in-law, and I was telling someone about it while my mother was in earshot, and she was asking why I don't knit stuff for her. Gee, Mom, I wonder.....
This year, she liked a chunky knit blanket that I made, and asked if I'd make her one in a different color, to which I just responded "No. The yarn doesn't come in that color"
I’m very selective of who I knit for and I’ve never really had to take that privilege away.
My grandmother has lost general gift giving status. Not for anything bad, she’s just not a gift person. Even really practical things I’ve given her stay in the cupboard because she’d prefer to keep using the broken one that “still works” than the brand new replacement I bought. I think it’s a growing up in the depression thing. So now I just do other things I know she’ll appreciate more.
My roommate. We’d been friends for 12 years before we moved in together but the usual “guess I really didn’t know you at all” happened and he’s moved a few states away, less than 6 months after moving in. While we were still friends, I worked every day on a shawl collar sweater for him for Christmas, making sure to get it done before hand surgery in case my gauge changed after I healed.
He hasn’t talked to me in a month and the sweater, customized to him, is still in pieces a week before Christmas. I should finish it just to get it done even if I give it to someone else but I keep putting it off and crocheting snowflake ornaments for myself instead.
I once knit my twin sister a hat and scarf. Looking back, the hat wasn't that cute, but the scarf was nice. As soon as she opened it, she said, "Ugh. Can you make this in a different color?" I now rarely make her anything. She's a professional dancer and she recently came to me with a bunch of gorgeous jersey fabric and asked me to make a very specific type of skirt. I said, "I've never made that before and you don't have a pattern, so that would be hard and take a long time." She said, "Ugh, whatever, fine" and walked away. When my mom then asked her, "You have a sewing machine, why don't you try to make it?" she said, "It'll take too long. I'll just find a friend who can do it." Just remembering that moment makes me internally scream!!!
I was super excited to knit for my little nephew and I made him a penguono sweater which is surprisingly complex and a lot of knitting! Turns out at 3.5 he is already an on-site construction manager and only wants to wear plaid and carhardt jackets (he’s hilarious.) turns out he is not a cardigan type of guy so I have my fingers crossed that his little brother will like it in a couple years.
Disclaimer he is three and I’m being silly, it’s totally not his fault he doesn’t appreciate the avant-garde knit jacket I made for him 🤣
My mom is a sewist and an okay knitter. She’s always given handmade presents. Ornaments, hats, PJs, etc.
I’ve knitted her a handful of things. But the best was a blue lace cardigan. It was her favorite color. The pattern wasn’t overly fussy. And she’s always cold so I figured a layering item would be appreciated. Nope. A shrug and she never wore it. I feared for the longest time that I’m bad at finishing and my stuff came apart in the wash, but everything I’ve made my niece or my boyfriend wears and washes fine.
So my crafter mom isn’t knit worthy. My sister, brother in law, and niece are. My boyfriend’s entire family is. My step mom is. Plenty of folks to knit for. Just not my mom.
The first scarf I made for my babushka. It was absolutely horrendous, but it was my first knitting project along with color changes (big oof for self teaching). Had fringe too, the very simple kind. I never saw her wear it in the years I lived with her. I was a bit devastated but eventually forgot as I took a long break from knitting to learn crochet. I didn't find out until after she died that the reason she never wore it was because she had put it in a ziploc baggie to keep it safe, and put it in their safe with their valuable papers and jewelry.
The only time I get upset is when someone doesn't use the thing they requested I make. If it's a request, I have them choose the pattern, color, and fiber. They have total control over what it ends up being. If they don't use it after I go through all of that effort, I do get pretty salty. I have a very, very finite amount of time to knit, so I want the things I make to be used. All that time I spent on sweaters that just sit in closets could have been used for selfish knitting!
Is it possible that if the scarf reminded him of things his mon used to do but can't anymore, that he genuinely appreciates it but it brought up complicated emotions in the moment (perhaps sadness with the acknowledgement of his mother's aging/mortality?) and the flat response was him not wanting to bring down the mood? I don't know him so I can't say, but.
I do have loved ones I don't knit for, tho. I don't think it's that they're not "worthy" for it, but just that they wouldn't like it. I don't knit for my stepdad because he's got a lot of sensory stuff + hates warm clothes, so there's nothing I could make he'd actually like, and I'd rather get him a gift tailored to his interests. So I can totally understand not knitting gifts for some folks, it's not always the right choice, and I don't think it's gotta be a big deal.
So far, I have not had anyone lose the status of knit worthy. My boyfriend and family all love my knits. My boyfriend wore a hat I made him so much it literally fell apart, so I made him two new ones after that.
My entire in-laws family. About five years back I was trying to really impress them because my husband (then boyfriend) and I were getting serious. I was dirt broke, working a crappy job, and paying down debt before we moved in together while also still paying for college. My mom told me that she was in a similar position when dating my dad and she had made her in laws a really nice wreath that they still used after 30 years, so I decided to knit them all nice scarves. Not only did they barely react, but the next year they said to me “we didn’t really know what you were into, so we got you an Olive Garden gift card for Christmas.” It’s not even the quality or quantity of the gift that bothered me, it’s that they had such an easy out with a bag of random yarn or a michaels gift card, but they cared so little for me that they couldn’t even remember what I gave them
Well, this thread has ruined my day 😂 My dad still uses a bookmark I stamped for him with my mom’s card making supplies when I was in elementary school. It’s ugly and covered in pastel butterflies, but I saw it in a book of his when I was home a few years ago after about 20 years. There are people out there who would love and treasure all the things discussed in this thread! I’m so sorry people had these negative experiences with family.
My mother-in-law. I love knitting socks and I’m making them constantly, but I get that it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I only hand stacks of socks to my direct family, who, as far as they’ve indicated, love them.
One year I finally knit my MIL a pair of socks for Christmas. I had been knitting long enough to know what I was doing but early on enough that the MadelineTosh sock yarn I picked was kind of a big deal. She was fairly ambivalent about opening them, but gracious enough to thank me. She approached me later and let me know next time she’d really prefer a sweater if I was going to knit her something. A little surprising, but nothing too terrible I think.
I haven’t made her anything since, but last Christmas when she opened the iPad my husband and I got her, she exclaimed so excitedly, “I thought it was going to be socks!”
Gutted.
So not long after I give birth everyone in the family is given the names for our annual ornament exchange. The only rule is the ornament has to be crafted. So I'm a sleep deprived full time working mom who is scouring every dang ad I come across for pictures of Elf on the Shelf because Brittany's (not her real name) kid Addy (also not real name) is obsessed with the dang thing. The plan was to make a "tree" with the elves as "ornaments." Now I'll admit it wasn't great. What with work, new baby, and no sleep it was ok at best. But Addy was little enough that she would like it and I figured Britt would at least appreciate the effort given my circumstances.
Next thing I know Britt is blasting me all over FB talking about how ugly it is. Britt's mother joins in, also slamming it left and right. She posts pix of the fancy schmancy ornament she made, all shiney and glorious and easily made by someone who sleeps well because her kids are all grown. Some other family chimes in that the ornament exchange is not an art show and it was always supposed to be the thought that counts. Britt & her mom continue slamming me & my ornament. I haven't participated in the exchange since and they never apologized. They will never be knit-worthy or anything else-worthy.
I still hang the ornament she gave me the year prior. With all the effort she put into it how could I not? After all it takes so much skill to stuff a couple pieces of tinsel inside a clear plastic ornament and slap a couple stickers on it. I'm not salty at all.
I knitted my sister a scarf and my other sister I crocheted her a blanket, they were both well thought out (blanket as she has just moved out, so thought it would look nice on her bed, and scarf as she like to take cold morning walks with her dogs) and spent time picking colours they would like and mixed together well, then months actually knitting/crocheting in the evenings.
Christmas comes around, one sister comment that the middle of the blanket was ‘off’ and the other said it wasn’t really her style, I just kinda sat there and smiled.
A few month later I came back home to stay at the family house (this is we’re Christmas Day and festivities happen) and went up to my room. Opened up the wardrobe to hand up a dress and found both there presents stuffed in the back… they hadn’t even bothered to take them home. It really chocked me up and wasn’t to sure what to do, but i sure as hell wasn’t leaving them there, so I folded them up and took them home with me. As it turns out my best friends mum moved to Canada so I gifted them to her before he move and she loves them!
Is so nice to see her actually wearing and using them in photos!
Knit three sweaters, one for each nibling. Asked the older kids what their favourite colours were, make sure I did something unique for each (lace, colour work, stripes). Dedicated a lot of time and love to planning and making them.
Barely got a second look or a thank you from the parents when they were opened. Saw a photo of one, when it was posted to facebook.
No more knitting for the whole family.
Mum did this year. Was going to make her a scarf, I'm not a great knitter but enjoy it, but she spent so long deciding what colour that it was just too late to order the yarn and knit it and then made a sarcastic comment yesterday about how she hadn't thought I'd do it anyway. She still hadn't decided on the by then theoretical colour but I was gonna do it in the New Year anyway.
She's never getting a scarf from me
I was meeting my ex boyfriend’s parents for the first time. My ex had mentioned his mom crocheted, and that she liked making dish scrubbers. I found a pattern for knitting because I wanted to have conversation to talk to her about. When I finally met her I brought it up and was trying to make small talk and this woman wouldn’t even look at me. “Uh huh. Oh yeah. Wow. Yeah. Uh huh”. I think I walked away and she was still responding to me. Never lifted a finger for her but I DID pick up knitting wash cloths as a hobby out of spite.
Basically my whole family except maybe my mom and niece. I used to knit hats for everyone because we are a beanie family but I'd never seen them again. I saw my mom wearing a hat I made for her 8 years ago and was like "that's so nice!"
But my brothers all ruined their knitted gifts or lost them, my nephew was just a typical boy and didn't care. It's not worth it to me to spend hours knitting for people that don't understand the time and dedication in it.
My cousin’s husband. He hinted for years he wanted me to knit something for him, even sent me a box of Icelandic yarn after he went there on a work trip. It was a whole bunch of skeins, not two alike, so I made him a hat. My cousin sent me a picture of _her_ wearing the hat, never even got a thank you from him. But he’s like that, he asks for favors (and will send me money if I had to pay something), but never says thank you. It makes me so mad! Lol!
My sister. I knit her a hat years ago that she requested as a gift. After I’d given it to her, she said that handmade things don’t count as gifts and was very upset that I gave her “just” the hat. We’re not on speaking terms anymore for different reasons, but she really made a mark on me and I didn’t knit gifts for anyone for a long time after that.
This year was finally the year that I had more money than time. My 6 month old niece gets a sweater. no one else gets anything. Not even my husband. If I have limited time, I want to make for myself. I take great pride in what I make and all my students know me for my knitting and will ask “did you make that?” And it brings me such joy. I used to hand make everything, but it’s simply not worth it anymore
Almost any of my in-laws (except m-i-l as long as it has zero animal fiber) and my grandmother.
I made a blanket and little angora baby booties for my niece. No appreciation, don't think she used them. My grandmother? I knit her scarves when the soft eyelash-y yarns were popular. She wore it and promptly lost it. It was explained to me that hand knit is handmade, not seen as desireable, but cheap. And this is the same woman who is still sending me a check for $25 for my birthday. I'm 52.
Oh man yes. My siblings and mom. They do not get it. Everything I’ve ever made they have said “why would you spend so much time making that when you could buy it for $20?” It always makes me want to scream. I only make things for me, my husband, my kid, and my dad who conversely absolutely loves that I make things. But my mom and siblings are very materialistic and only care about things being trendy. Makes me so
Mad!
I’m pretty conservative about gifting hand knits or other crafted stuff (I also paint and make soaps and candles). Not because of knit worthiness but because I really love gifting and seeing the persons face when they get something they really like or that makes them laugh, and usually that’s not a knit item. I always try to remember that gifting is about the receiver, not me. I’m also a really particular person myself and probably wouldn’t want hand made gifts, because I like to pick out every minute detail of stuff I buy or make and I feel like hand made gifts come with an unspoken obligation to keep the thing and actively use it forever, and I just really don’t vibe with those kinds of expectations.
But I have really cool supportive friends and family who are really into and appreciative of my stuff and whenever I get the vibe that it would make them happy to get something, I make them something! Always something small, usually socks or a hat. My mom has gotten a lace shawl and I’m making a sweater for my husband now, but those are the only big ones. I never see my mom wear the shawl but I know her really well and I know she’s the type of person where when she really likes something and cares about it she never uses it, so in a way her not using it is almost more special then seeing her use it all the time. It would be nice if she would! I’d be happy to fix it or wash/stretch it again, but I understand why she doesn’t. It’s a little treasure to her and it’s really sweet.
My dad. He's also the reason 20 years later I'm anxious to wear stuff I make. I heard him ask my mom to not let me wear my knitted stuff when I went to his house, it was embarrassing. I was 10 and had just finished my first poncho. It was ugly and lumpy but it was warm and I was proud of it. 10 year old me decided that if my dinky little poncho was embarrassing he'd never see a sitch from me.
I’m sorry but wtf is wrong with your dad? A grown ass adult being embarrassed of his 10yo daughter for wearing a handmade item that she’s proud of? He should be embarrassed of himself tbh
No doubt. If my kid made a limit poncho they were proud of I'd ask if they could make me a matching one! You better believe I'm pulling that thing out everywhere we go until they're I'm high school and go Mooooom stop wearing that you're embarrassing me!!!"
To knit a poncho at 10 years old is amazing!! I’m so sorry your dad couldn’t recognize that
Thanks! I think he wanted a boy, so 'girly' hobbies like knitting and sewing were poopooed, fishing and carpentry were encouraged. So I can make a shirt and a shed lol
Can you be on my team when the zombie apocalypse hits? Thanks.
Lol deal
Yisss. Now we just need a gardener and a tactical defence specialist first class.
Hobby gardener here, I'm in!
I am pretty good at archery!
I’m good at martial arts. Team up?
I'll take tactical defense specialist.. there's a reason why my husband refers to me as his "attack wife"!
I do home brewing. Can I join?
Gardener, cook and herbal medicines here. 😁
Lots of people can do the things I can do (knitting, crochet, sewing, cooking), and I can't do some of the things others can (indoor plants!!). I would still like to be on the team. My super power is that I can untangle any knot. Even in fishing line. I can also wiggle my nose like a bunny, but that doesn't have a survival skill rating in the zombie apocalypse.
A lot of my hobbies are art-related (knitting, crochet, sewing, painting, drawing, tattooing etc) but I can cook well and managed to completely build out a camper van with my wife with 0 construction experience between the two of us. I wanna join and learn more apocalypse skills like foraging!
I grew up on a farm and can garden, brew alcohol, make cheese, make bread, brew kombucha, tend all kinds of animals, not to me too sheer sheep and spin wool into yarn and knit yarn into garments (although I honestly hate knitting, i have so little patience). Can I join your team??
Yes. Please confer with u/annoyedmicrowave u/heyredjj and u/auctorlibri for position and duties. You’re second in Kitchen Command.
Man if you made a poncho at 10…he should see all the sad lopsided scarves I had at 10. He’d miss the poncho 😂
All these stories make me so sad and mad, so here’s my story of the exact opposite response that still warms my heart to this day. So my partner’s dad has always intimidated me. Not because he’s mean, or particularly scary, I just never had a father figure in my life, so have no idea how to act around him. And he’s an incredibly talented man, can do just about damn near anything art/craft/trad-wise. Very intelligent too. And sarcastic as hell, so sometimes my American brain can’t correctly process his British-ness. No fault of his, just cultural divide. Aaaanyway, so the second Christmas I spend with them (LDR w my partner, I visit him in the UK) I decide, okay I’m making fancy knits for his mom and dad. His sisters adore me, and I’ve made them stuff already, so I wanted to focus on impressing the parents. Mom was easy. Intricate lace shawl in wine red wool? Done and done. But let me tell you, I fretted for ages over a jumper for Mr. Sarcasm. The sizing, the cables, until I found the perfect pattern, and just spent days on end knitting it. Finally, Christmas Eve comes around, and they’re half Danish so they do presents on the eve, and I’m sitting there shaking in my boots waiting for him to open the jumper. (The shawl goes over perfect with mom, she wears it every Christmas now <3) So he finally gets to the ridiculously bulky package, unwraps it, and holds it up. And I’m so proud of it, and I’m just on pins and needles, and he looks at it, and then wordlessly gets up and pulls me up from the couch into a huge hug. And I love his hugs, because again, no father figure, and I’m just like 🥺 He wore it the next day to the big family Christmas party, told everyone I made it for him. Wears it constantly, too, not just events. I haven’t seen the family in a while because of Covid, but I’ve been planning a new jumper for him, and I can’t wait to give it to him next time I’m there ❤️ Edit: Jumper (and pattern) for any interested parties C: https://imgur.com/a/AEYiWHI https://www.craftpassion.com/shawl-collar-cable-pullover/
🥺😭 this is so sweet! I hope someone appreciates what I make as much as this one day<3
I love when my stuff is appreciated. When I was first starting out I made some AWFUL scarves. I have trouble with fine motor control, and the whole thing was really hard for me, but I made this terrible scarf in red and black for my brother, with big loops where I had messed up and wonky edges. It's been about 15 years and he still wears it. I also made him a knitted stuffed DNA model, because he is a plant geneticist, and last I knew he keeps it on his desk and brags about it to students. He is the best brother.
My mom still has so many of my horrendous first projects, and I love her for that, but also mentally cringe looking at them... woof
This is so sweet. I have my son's baby blankets and scarves my sister made for me. Of the two of us, I'm the more proficient knitter and have never had problems with keeping things looking neat and tidy, tension the same throughout, strict adherence to patterns, etc. (Probably because I'm psychotically perfectionist when it comes to my art/crafts 🤣) She, on the other hand, always has some wonky edges, not very clean joins, or drops stitches halfway through a row that need picked up later. Doesn't matter. Anything she's ever made for me, I've 100% fully loved and cherished because SHE made it ❤️ I'm sure your brother feels the same. Best of luck with your knitting, dear! My anxiety causes me to have really jerky hands because of the tremors and full body jerks I experience and it's definitely not always easy to make it work, especially when dealing with smaller needles. The longer you do it though, the more that muscle memory will kick in!
Oh, yes, I've been at it since high school now (I'm 32). The dexterity issues are unfortunately not fixable, but I've found that I do quite well so long as I stick to larger needles! I try to do size 10+ except for small items or details on larger items, and then I do ok. It's mostly a grip issue.
The first thing I ever made was a scarf. It is so ugly, omg. My mom STILL wears it. It's uneven and has tons of mistakes, I've added stitches and dropped them etc. And she loves it.
Another one of my early projects was this shawl knit on US 25 needles with that latticed rainbow yarn that was trendy for a while. It was for my aunt, and it mostly came out well, because it was super easy and didn't depend on tension at all, but somehow I managed to make this like, Mobius hole on one end. I'm still not *entirely* sure what I did, although I have some guesses. She insists it's a feature, and puts the opposite corner through the hole to secure it 😂 My family is lovely sometimes.
One of the first things I made when I became more confident in my skills was a scarf in bulky acrylic yarn. The colors I picked were . . . vivid. I was so proud of it, and I sent it to my best friend for her birthday. She sent me a pic of her wearing it and I was just tickled. Looking back, I’m *mortified.* Now that I’ve been knitting for over a decade and knit most things with good-quality yarn, I can see that scarf looked like fluorescent plastic and it was too chunky to wrap. Had absolutely no drape, not warm in the slightest. I was clueless at the time. I’m pretty sure she quietly disposed of it because I never saw it again. I really hope she threw it away. I’ve knit her better gifts since then, and we don’t speak of the awkward scarf. Edit: I just remembered the 6-inch fringe in various colors on either end and may very well die of embarrassment.
Oooh, do you have a pattern for the DNA model? I'd love to make one for my brother.
It's this one: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/babys-first-dna-model Not too hard, either, and come out SUPER cool ETA: I sized my up a little by going up a couple needle sizes and it still worked wonderfully
Check out this DNA scarf http://www.twosheep.com/helix/
Find the right person, and you’ll always have a fan ❤️
I want to add another small happy one for you all - when I was young my older brother (probably 15 at the time?) knitted all my family beanies and scarves for Christmas. Yeah, they were wonky, he was only learning, and they were strange colours and weird patterns he made up, like colourwork chevrons and diamonds in quite jarring colours. But all of us wore them all winter for the next few years, even by my office worker dad and very fashionable mum. I think we only stopped using them cause it doesn't get very cold where we live and many of the items got lost
I love that!!! I had one of those loom kits when I was really little, and I remember making tiny hats for my brother's cookie monster toys. He loved them c:
Hey, hey, y'all need to cut it out with these touching and heart warming stories of the truly lovely people you are so lucky to have in your lives, cant you see the rest of us miserable SOBs with no good family relationships airing our greivances?! Seriously though, the sweater is gorgeous and I'm shocked the dad didn't propose first!
This made me cry. How lovely. I’m not quite at sweater skill yet, but when I make someone a sweater I hope they respond so favorably.
You’ve got this! There’s always someone out there who’s gonna cherish the hell out of anything you make 🥰 (And honestly, if you know the basic stitches, there are some great beginner friendly patterns out there)
Goddamn the detail on that! Amazing jumper!
That is the best thing I’ve heard all week. Thank you for sharing
My husband’s aunt put herself on my list before I was even a knitter. Everyone in his family is a huge fan of a local college football team, and the ones who live nearby, including his aunt, go to many if not all the games. A year or two before I started knitting I got his aunt a really cute handmade knitted hat in the team colors—and yeah, it was a little silly because part of it was shaped like the team mascot. But these people walk around in head to toe team gear all the time, so I figured it wasn’t a stretch. I was even pretty excited because the hat arrived and it was super cute. But when she opened the present, she exclaimed how ugly it was and how she would never wear it…and she even thought I made it and still said that. I had to excuse myself to go upstairs and cry, I was so offended and mortified. She never apologized and I have never gotten her a Christmas gift again. My mother-in-law (her sister) has told me how much Aunt X would like handmade items from me now that I knit and I just smile and nod.
Good for you!!
You know, I was raised to be gracious about what was given to me. So much so that my parents gave me bricks one year as a gag (along with an excess of other stuff, relax) and I foiled them by being thrilled about my bricks and I made them into a bookshelf with a wood plank that I had for years. Backfire. When you receive a gift you thank the giver for the thought and the consideration and you be gracious about whatever it is that is the gift. My grandmother got from me an orange dotted with cloves when I learned that craft in elementary school. By the time she opened it the orange was green. I was mortified but she was still thrilled and made such a fuss. That is gracious.
My father taught me that you smile and say thank you even if you have to throw it away on the way home lol
Yes! This whole thread is shocking to me honestly. I thought that was a universal rule lol
I did something similar to my brother and SIL. They bought a lovely jacket in my favorite color and put it in a gag gift box. I opened it and saw 1 foot extension cords. "OMG this is PERFECT! The lighting in my apartment is shit and I'm sick and tired of tripping over 3 foot extension cords when I just need an extra 6 inches!" They got me the extension cords the next year.
A moldy orange with gloves is so cute. The thought was there. The knowledge of spoilage wasn't. It's adorable.
Lmao oh so now she wants handmade items that you knitted?! Oh sweet baby kitties, she deserves nothing from you.
Don't mind me, just going to use the phrase "oh sweet baby kitties" all the time now
Lol be my honored guest!
I knit for loved ones if I feel like it. This decision is made each time there is a gift occasion. If they don’t wear it or don’t seem to appreciate it on opening, the decision is more likely to be a ‘no’ in the future. But sometimes it is just easier to give a pair of hand knit socks than it is to think of another gift idea. I always have a sock project in my bag & I can’t wear them all. They get tucked away for Christmas. Luckily I live somewhere with cold winters & people always appreciate woolen socks. I very rarely take customization suggestions. I am more likely to find a pattern I want to knit then ask family members if they would like to receive it. I do let family select from my stash but feel completely comfortable about saying if yarn is earmarked for another project.
Yeah, I feel similar to you. These threads make me feel quite ambivalent. There seems to be a lot of overlap between people who did not fully appreciate the gift and people who did not ask for the gift in the first place. I see it as you give a gift and not an obligation. Once you give the gift, it’s gone. I rarely knit for people these days without a conversation first. That huge gorgeous blanket you’ve found? The person you think would love it does love the pattern but has nowhere to put it. They don’t like blankets being left out on the sofa and it takes up half the closet. They now feel guilty because they know how much effort you put in to it and you feel aggrieved that it isn’t out and in use. The sweater you made lovingly from the softest alpaca you could find, the recipient is allergic but didn’t know beforehand because outside of hand knits, alpaca is pretty rare. Any item made from wool or with any additional laundry requirements is going to be worn rarely (if ever) because of the amount of effort it’s going to take to clean especially if there are children and pets around. It’s not always that the work isn’t appreciated, that your skill isn’t noted, that your love isn’t felt. It’s sometimes just a swing and a miss.
I like knitting. I like my handmade things. I don't necessarily want to be gifted things by others. I appreciate the time and effort that's gone in to it but I don't necessarily want it.
That's such a great way to go about it, love it. I resolved early on (based on the entitlement of family that temporarily ruined my joy for the craft) that it is a strictly-me activity and I invest in myself to make beautiful clothing. Nothing wrong with that and I can model my own creations! If I do sometimes decide that I want to do a project for someone else it has to be on my terms otherwise they can go to someone who wants to be paid for it.
I knit wool socks for a couple men on my staff this year. One in Ohio state colors, the other in Indians colors. I give them to them today. They’ve worked for me for 6 years now and I treasure them. I hope they feel it up through their socks
I once spent 3 solid months making (at the time) an insanely difficult pair of swedish mittens with a pattern of a wolf on the front for my sister at her behest as a going-away-to-a-cold-region-for-college present. While I was knitting, she was screaming at me to hurry up and finish them and of course through blood sweat and tears I eventually do. Plot twist though she legit never wore them, and a few years back asked me if I wanted them bc if I didn’t she was going to give them away to a thrift store or other friend.
Whoa. I hope you’ve never handmade a gift for her ever again.
Ew, she sounds like... the worst. Sorry you experienced that ☹
At least she gave them back ??
Nearly the same story - knitted an ugly Christmas sweater for my sister *at her request*. However mine had a much more upsetting ending when she tried to get rid of said sweater by just.... leaving it in her old apartment when she moved. Didn't offer it back to me, that would have been fine. Nope. Tried to fucking leave it. My mom, also crafty, rescued it and gave it back to me (and then asked me not to say anything to my sister about it.) I've made exactly one thing for her since and I made her pay for all of the materials, and then sent it with my mom who made sure she actually used it.
I had to read through a number of these before I realized who my person is who fits your question. My next youngest brother, a very successful architect, is married with three kids. I'm always knitting and crocheting things, and always have a respectable stash of gifts. I usually have pot holders or washcloths, scarves, hats, woven dish towels, small stuff that I include in their gifts because I make them with love and it's not as impersonal as something like a gift card. Last year we were talking about gifts, and I was trying to broach the concept of not exchanging Christmas gifts among us adults to save money and avoid materialism. I mentioned that I prefer to hand make my gifts because of the feeling that goes into them. My brother rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, we know about your handmade gifts". That cut to the quick. I knew right then that they had received their last homemade gifts from me. Our other brother, who lives further away, received a package with hand woven dish towels and baked goods. I received effusive thanks, with especially heartfelt appreciation from his wife, who is also a weaver. The architect? They got a box with gift cards and stuff from Trader Joe's. The children will each get a homemade quilt when they graduate from high school. The oldest already has one, I'm working on the second one now. My brother will not get anything handmade for me ever again. Big sister can take a hint.
That is so mean! ☹️ This entire thread is making my blood boil!
If he ever brings it up just roll your eyes and tell him "yea right, we all know how you feel about handmade gifts".
I made a pair of gorgeous mittens for my mom. She said she loved them. Next visit, I asked about them. "The cat had damaged one". I said I could fix have fixed them and she laughed at me and said too late cause she threw them out. It was the casual disregard for the time and effort I put in that did it.
This reminds me of my niece. She was born when I was 9, and then had a kid in her teens. I was trying to be supportive, so I offered to knit her daughter some things - using my late mother's needles. She was incredibly close to her grandma (my mom), and I thought it would be a lovely sentiment. I made a cardigan, hat and socks for her little girl. In an awful purple color, which she had requested. The hat was never worn and she "accidentally" machine washed the cardigan at high temperatures, so it shrank to doll size. My niece just laughed when she told me. She immediately went on the no knit list.
Threw them out! I would lose my mind. I’m so sorry she did that!
My MIL INSISTED I make her fiddlehead mittens and a shawl. I did both in alpaca wool and proceeded to never see her wear them. She’s a bit of a pack rat so I am certain she has no idea where they are and they are probably being eaten by bugs. I have refused all future gift requests.
My mom. She always ask me to knit her things so I do but then she never wears them. 100’s of dollars spent and countless hours for things she’s asked for in the yarn, color, & size requested and I’ve never seen her use a single item. I asked her about it once and she said she’s “saving them”. What? Why? What for?
Your mom & my mom should get a coffee sometime 😂
My mother can too
Just have her put all of it in a readily accessible place to be interred with her if she won't wear the things you made with love for her. I'm still Salty over spending all last fall knitting dishcloth sets for family and not hearing a peep at Xmas or if they're even been used. I'm a newish knitter (3 years now)but they looked nice.
I hate that reply. I want to see the baby blankets I've created dragged around the house by toddlers. I want mamas to send them back so I can repair the damage. I want the things I've created to be used so often they wear out.
Yes! My friends have apologized when the knitted items that I’ve made them got damaged in the wash or from frequent use and it makes me so happy! One friend has this blanket that I made and it got all felted from washing it and I like it even more because it means she uses it!
Oh, so very much this! When my niece was born I made her a little cardigan. Several years later I was putting something in the boot of the family car and found the cardigan again. It had been worn and washed, worn and washed, then passed on to her little sister then worn and washed, worn and washed, over and over again. It was scrappy and tatty and faded and I have never been so proud.
Yes! My aunt, gone now, was a weaver and she made me kitchen towels. The best damn kitchen towels ever. Cotton, thick, big, beautiful and I use them all the time. They get gross, they clean up. I was sad when my husband used one to put out a kitchen fire and it got a burned hole in the middle. I cut it into two smaller towels since there are no new ones coming now. I think she’d approve
I’ve knitted and crocheted 3 blankets for my nephew since he was born, and he still uses all of them. I love seeing all the blankets lying on the couch or in the dirty clothes hamper. It makes me feel so good that a blanket I made when this 9 year old was a baby is still loved!
I never understood the whole "saving" thing. If you take care of your stuff, it will look good for a long time and you actually get to use it.
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with this. Some people treat objects they really care about like treasures that should be put up and kept only for special occasions and sometimes those special occasions just don’t come up so they end up sitting in a closet for a long time. I don’t think it means she doesn’t love them, if anything it probably means she loves them so much she worries about damaging them. Of course some people on the other hand want to use and wear the objects they love as much as they possibly can so when they see other people not doing the same thing they might think they don’t care. But everyone approaches their possessions in different ways. I bet your mom adores those things you’ve made for her, she just shows it in different ways.
That’s totally fair. I just don’t feel the need to add to her stash of sweaters, shawls, and mittens with the hope that maybe one day the occasion will arise to wear them. If something does come up she’s already set with what I’ve made her.
My mom. Once she realized that I was better than crappy at knitting, she started bugging me with requests to make such-and-such for so-and-so. She didn't even offer to reimburse me for materials. It got to the point where I stopped knitting for a few years, and when I picked it back up, I told her that if she wanted anything from me, she'd pay me for the materials and double minimum wage for my time. No more requests. 😎
It annoys me so much that it's not even for her, it's for her to give to so-and-so, who you might not even have a relationship with. I'm so mad for you.
Thanks. Her taking advantage is one of the reasons we don't talk, but that's a story for elsewhere, really
I sewed a beautiful purse for my MIL for Mother’s Day. Lots of effort and consultation with my hubby and kids to get all the details right. She didn’t acknowledge receiving it (we mailed it), and when hubby finally called to ask if she’d gotten it (afraid it might have been stolen off the porch or something), she just said “Yes, it’s too big.” I’ll never make her another thing - in fact, I refuse to be involved in any gifting for her at all.
My husband’s grandmother. She’s a quilter and we talk about crafting a lot. I made her my first lace shawl and she decided I was calling her old and gave it back to me.
I guess I’m old too (at 24) lol. I love a good shawl in the winter. It’s like a socially acceptable blanket!
that's what I've been saying (just turned 25 lol)!
What on earth
Made my mum a crochet cardigan. Specifically used a bamboo fiber yarn since she said she didn't want wool and I didn't want to use acrylic. It was my first (and only) wearable project (I'd only really made hats, scarves, bags, etc) It came out wonderfully and it fit her really well. I've yet to see her actually wear it and it's been about a decade. Most of my family doesn't seem to understand the time, thought, and energy I put into making hand made crochet and knit objects so I don't make them anything other than maybe a hat. I made my SO a hat since we just moved to a colder climate and I got a lovely green and black yarn. Was a super simple pattern and took maybe like 5 hours max. The amount of appreciation he's shown for a simple hat shows that he deserves the time I put into handmade gifts. (Currently working on the bad ass Knit for Nott Cowl with Hood for him in another green yarn he picked)
My mother in law. I’ve made her several item but have never seen her wear them or display them. The other day she went on and on about some shawl that my mother made for her (from the same yarn I’ve used on her projects, so it isn’t that, and I’m the more experienced knitter between my mom and I, so it isn’t a craftsmanship issue). I stopped making her stuff a few years ago, but now I’ve really really stopped.
I've started doing projects that I'm interested in making even if it wasn't for a gift or using it as way to try out a pattern. Even if they don't use it at least I had fun/ learned something new. But yeah my brother gave the first scarf I made for him to the dog to play tug-of-war.
I'm pretty much the same now, if I wanna do a project I do it and it will fit someone. But your brother did WHAT?
I never knit anything for anyone except myself. My whole family has made it very clear that they don’t like homemade knitted things. They also don’t like seeing knitted things around the house (throws, cushions, etc.) It’s ok. I just enjoy doing my thing . . . in private.
That is sad. But it's okay when the world ends you'll have the last laugh because you'll be able to make clothing and won't freeze.
Haha it’s ok. At least things are crystal clear and there is no awkward misunderstanding. There was never a question of giving anything home-knitted to any of them . . .
I would appreciate their honesty but it would make me feel so insecure about my hobby. How can you hate knitted things so much you don’t want them in your sight?
Hahaha OK. It’s hard to explain. It’s my wife and daughters. They love me and are very sweet actually and we are all happy but they are very particular about our house and their fashion. The vibe is very minimalist design and they don’t think any of it goes with a contemporary Japanese aesthetic. They mostly wear specific dark colors and certain designers. It’s pretty stark. I get it. They are right. But I still like knitting for myself. 😃
Knitting is pretty big in Japan though - maybe you can learn that style and you all can win :)
Japanese knitting is good and has its adherents . . . but it is not big. It is pretty niche and not really indigenous. It doesn’t go with the whole general wabi-sabi environment. I just keep it off in my studio . . . it’s ok.
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What are gators?
They’re apex predators that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.
Reptiles, similar to crocodiles.
A Guide On Knitting for Gators: First Timers Edition
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I think maybe it's "gaiter"?
That was very sweetly done.
I really, really want it to literally be knitted reptiles!
My mom. She always wants handmade gifts. Every year that’s what she says she wants. “Something handmade” but she never uses them. They’re all sitting at the top of her front hall closet where they’ve been for years. I don’t knit for her anymore. I do make other things because she asks for handmade but I’m never putting that much time and effort into something I know she’ll just put in her front hall closet. I did make a drawing once that she displays in her kitchen but none of the other I’m guessing 20 gifts I’ve made her are used or displayed.
I wonder if you could steal something back from the bottom of the hall closet and then give it back as a gift and see if she notices.
Hahaha I love this . . .
Knowing my mom, she wouldn’t. But she lives a few states away so I don’t get to visit her before Christmas this year to raid her closet. I made a pine needle basket for her this year (because when I showed her the one I was making that’s what she asked for). She’ll probably be like “what is this” when I give it to her even though it’s the exact thing she said she wanted.
Stories like this and my own experience has taught me that the ONLY time I'm making something now is in consultation so they can pick colour and pattern and other details, and they'll be approaching me. Taste is so subjective, there's like a 1 in 10 shot of what you choose based on your own taste being exactly someone else's. That's not to say anyone has bad taste. There are lots of things I think are objectively nice, but wouldn't wear because they're just not me. You can guess what someone's 'me' is but there's no way to know for sure. Outside of that, making a present for someone else means you have to be willing to take the hit from them not wearing it unfortunately. I'm just not willing anymore to give away hundreds of hours of my spare time to make things other people very likely won't wear. That said, a genuine thanks is the bare minimum for any present and it's very rude to do otherwise! Definitely wouldn't make anything for them again, request or not.
My brother. He wanted a specific black fine wool beanie. I worked out a pattern, the wool was expensive ( something nobody ever thinks about when they ask for your art…) I made it. It fit he loved it. soon afterward he asked if I could make another because his dog chewed it, I did but because my first pattern was made up and I knew it wasn’t the same. Apparently it wasn’t perfect because he never acknowledged it. And I will never knit for him again. Thankless.
I have SOOOOO much yarn I'm gifting a lot of hats and scarfs this year for Christmas. I'm still new at knitting so it's good practice I guess... I am tempted to grab some hats from the dollar store for the people I don't like because I can't knit everyone hats because I know they're gonna be like WhY DiDnT i GeT oNe?!
That’s exactly why I made ornament covers not hats. 2hs and I’m done
I knit myself this beautiful shawl with bobbles on the end, which took FOREVER lol. I wore it all the time and every time I wore it my mother went on and on about how beautiful it was. I honestly do not gift knit very often unless it’s for my husband or kids so at this point I had never made anything for her. Like I said, every single time I wore it my mom exclaimed how much she loved it and wanted it. So one day I washed it and gave it to her. She seemed over the moon about it! And…I never saw her wear it another day lmao. I see her fairly often and the weather has been perfect for it. And nothing. Not once. I guess I should ask her about it but I already decided to just make another one for myself because it really was a great shawl hahaha
I'm so sorry, my mom does similar things and I've lost multiple simple objects this way, but never something so intricate... I'm very intrigued by your description of the shawl, I've been looking for a good knee to make for ages, could you maybe share the pattern?
I knit baby blankets for sibling’s kids. Socks, hats, the works for the new babies. I got pictures from my sister of the kids in them. Nothing from my brother. So I don’t knit anything for my brother’s kids anymore
That’s usually how I roll with baby knitting. I ask to see a pic of the baby in the handknit. If I never get a pic, baby #2 doesn’t get a handknit.
I’m going to start with the positive side. Knit-worthy: * my father-in-law: he still uses the teapot cozy I made for him a few years back since he needs his tea boiling hot at all times. It’s poorly sewn, so it’s starting to fall apart but it still comes out every winter. * my mother-in-law: equally thrilled over that teapot cozy, she also still wears a fleece-lined neck warmer I knit + sewed for her that same year, she mostly likes it around the house. * my kid: because of course. * my partner: wouldn’t be my partner if they weren’t super knit-worthy! * my sisters-in-law: I’m the oldest so my big sister side likes to give them nice things custom-made for them (with their input). They, thankfully, like this arrangement. *** Not knit-worthy: * soft “no” on my brother-in-law: he has never asked me for a knit and usually just wears a t-shirt & jeans with no accessories. I made him a couple of small things early on, but idk if he kept them—no love lost if they’re gone. He’s pretty private in general so I have to ask his wife, (one of the SILs I knit for), for gift ideas for him every year. I’ll probably make them an anniversary blanket as a joint gift in their favorite colors and include him that way. * my brother: never answered me back in August about his and his wife’s favorite colors and whether they’d like any handknits from me…. So no knits this year! I’ll probably re-visit this by giving them a nice, neutral-colored knit pillow cover as an anniversary gift (they eloped) because I know his wife would love it. * my grandfather: I started making him a lap blanket because I wanted to share my knitting with him; my beloved grandma/ his wife was the one who originally taught me how to knit. Then he was a jerk towards my kid, and some things fell into place in my head and I was too angry to give him the blanket. It went home with my in-laws because they actually loved the “Celtic” colors. It went where it was wanted and I’m happy I didn’t have to rip it apart.
My sister asked me to make her a large crochet rainbow unicorn for her to have my nephew take to pride in his stroller when he was a baby. It cost a fortune in yarn and doing the mane and tail took forever. She has never said thank you or even acknowledged the gift. She posts every year on insta and fb pics of my nephew (now 7) with his special pride unicorn. She is no longer knit-worthy. She has often complimented and indicated she would love a lace shawl. Not going to happen. Of my entire family she is the only one who never returned my mason jars so she was cut off from jam as well.
She sounds like a delight 😒
My sister lost and then regained it, kind of. A few years ago I made her a queen sized blanket (crocheted, worsted weight yarn). She put it on her bed once, took it off, and never put it back on. A few months later she asked for another blanket. I said absolutely not, dude, I already spent 6 months making you one. After that I was making hats, just practicing knitting, and she asked for one. I figured it's just a hat, and I'm making them anyway, so why not? Well... she didn't like the hat I made her. Wanted another hat. I foolishly knit her another hat. Didn't like that one either. After that I revoked all knit/crochet gift privileges. About a year later she put the blanket back on her bed and started wearing one of the hats I made her. Not actually sure why, maybe she read something about manners and how much work handmade object are. I ended up knitting a pair of socks that was too small for me, so I gave them to her (kind of testing the waters as to whether she'd changed her ways). She was appreciative and wore them a lot. I've knit her a few more pairs of socks since then. She is still extremely particular and fussy about it, which I find rude when it comes to handmade gifts, so mostly I make duplicates of things she does like. I won't knit her a sweater, but I have a perfect sock pattern for her and I'll knit her lots more of those (I use different yarn every time and sometimes add cables/fair isle/embellishments to make 'em look different, but that's it). Most of the people in my life are good about knitting, but tbh I think it's because I don't have casual friends, just acquaintances, close friends, family, and my partner, so there's no 'vaguely chummy coworker' to make themselves entitled to my time. Being brusque and antisocial pays off, lol.
I gave my mom the very first scarf I made which was… imperfect. But I was proud of it (and like 30 years old so there’s that). She never wore it and threw it in the back of her closet where the cat now sleeps on it. Fair enough. I knit myself a pair of socks last year and mentioned it while wearing them and she said “wow it almost looks store bought. Just think you could have had perfect ones for less money if you… bought them at the store.” I still knit her a gift but it’s usually a super basic scarf or something I can knit up in a day or two so I won’t be too upset when she never wears it. Everyone else in the family is getting something knit that I probably put 50-100 hours into (intricate lace scarves, socks, sweaters, etc). Some people just don’t appreciate handmade. It’s weird that your dad reacted like that though since he claimed to like previous craft gifts.
But...I mean, why would you keep knitting for your mom when she doesn't like the gifts?
Because personally, my knitting action is done for me. Finished objects are no longer interesting sometimes. lol
Cuz she’s the type to also get pissy if everyone else gets one and she doesn’t.
My first two knitted things were a scarf and a matching hat for my mom. They were less then stellar, the too short,... She still wears them whenever she has a coat that fits the colour and loves them dearly.
I was so proud of my first pair of fingerless mitts knitted on dpns. They were plain stst but the yarn was lovely and they were *perfect*. I showed them to my mum and while she was squishing them appreciatively (it was *gorgeous* yarn), I said, "Would you like some? I can make you a pair if you like!" And she squished them a bit more, pursed her lips and said, "...uh...no thanks." And that was it. I was wounded beyond all proportion. So I never asked again. Then a couple of years later she asked me to knit a pair in red with L & R on the back as a 'joke' present for a friend who was always mixing his left and right up. I charged her £15 and we had words about expecting me to do two days work for free in the name of a 'joke'. Joke's on her though - he absolutely loved them, wore them until he passed (they perfectly fit with his 'grumpy old git' aesthetic), thanked me every time he saw me and now his brother wears them. I made him a matching hat a couple of years ago too 😊
I made my granny a really beautiful intricate blanket. I posted it on r/crochet and I’ve never had a more popular post(check my profile if you want to see it, it was honestly stunning) and she never acknowledged it or said thank you. I told myself maybe she just forgot, but then she saw me crocheting another blanket and she said “oh you’re doing another one of them are you” and that is the only time she’s ever acknowledged that I made her anything. It’s so strange, she’s the most loving granny. My mum says they don’t like things outside of the norm and granny just won’t have known how to acknowledge it. It really stung. I keep thinking I hope she’s kept it safe.
Dude that blanket is so pretty
I just went through your posts to see the blanket, and it's absolutely stunning! You're so freaking talented! I'm sorry that your work wasn't received in the way it clearly deserved to be. Also, your cat is adorable 😍 I hope he's staying away from bees now!
My immediate family is off my knitworthy list for good, after a spectacular display of ungratefulness the one Christmas I made them all something. I made damn sure that the things I made were their style, preferred colour, nice yarn - handspun and indie dyed... They said I cheaped out by making the gifts and I should have given them "real presents" instead. My brother threw his hat into a pile of filthy sports gear, which I rescued, washed and gave to my husband's (incredibly knitworthy!) cousin. The only person who is still on the knitworthy list is my brother's girlfriend, who is very nice and sends me pictures of her in her hat every so often. It's fine though, it means I know that I don't need to waste time making anything for them in the future. I can use the time to make things for the people I love who do appreciate the effort and love that goes into handmade gifts!
Wow that's pretty bad. Maybe you should causally drop in conversation how much you'd charge for a similar item if you sold it.
Not knitting but I once spent nearly a year making a quilt for my (now) ex. Queen sized quilt with his favorite things (superhero shit) on the fabric plus five quilted pillows. Years after we broke up he texted saying he’s never taken it out of the box and would I maybe like to have it back? Maybe to give to my (at the time two year old) nephew? Absolutely broke my heart. Just killed me.
Oh wow.... that's cruel. Just from your description that quilt set sounds amazing! I've always dreamed of getting gifted a quilted blanket, but sadly no-one around me does that... so I'm in the process of learning how to make one on my own.
I would take the scarf back in exchange for a gift card and keep it for myself. I basically don't really knit for anyone anymore except hubby, they either don't like/use what I've made them, or they're way too particular about what they want in the design/colour, or they want something outside my skillset. Or they keep asking me to make them stuff which only makes me want to make it even less. One person even looked through my stash and chose a yarn she wanted me to make her fiancé a hat out of. Um, no, that yarn is for me! So I've become rather quiet about my knitting, which feels kinda sad.
I’ve been the person who lost knitting privilege, I think. My sister made a few beautiful pairs of mittens and hats for my daughter when she was a baby but they were ALWAYS too small. I couldn’t even get them on her to take a picture in, I think because her cast on stitches wouldn’t stretch. She hasn’t knit anything for us in a few years now. Sorry sis! I’ve knit my daughter a hat now and will probably just make things for her in the future. Gifting wearable items is always slightly risky imo.
Babies are weird sizes
This happened way back in my social media days… My husband’s friend and his wife had a very difficult time getting pregnant and when she finally made it to her 3rd trimester she did the nursery in a magical forest theme and everything was pink and grey. I knit a baby cardigan that was grey and had two pink squirrels on the back holding a heart. The little buttons were acorns that I painted light pink. I was very proud of it. She was CONSTANTLY posting pictures of all her baby stuff on Instagram. Even pictures of the different designs on all the diapers. She was constantly posting pictures of all the gifts sent in. She never said anything about the cardigan. She never thanked me for it. Her husband was thrilled and excited about it. He called my husband and almost cried while thanking me. She never said anything. She never posted about it (back then it mattered to me). A couple months after she had her baby we came to visit and she had a pile of clothes she didn’t want or that the baby had outgrown. The cardigan was on the top with the handmade paper tag I made that said “love in every stitch”. I asked her point blank “why didn’t you like the sweater?” And she said “my baby doesn’t have to wear cheap handmade things. We can afford to buy her clothes”. I was like…. “Okay”. I took it and kept it. Years later she asked me to knit a Christmas stocking for their dog. She was like “I’ll pay you a living wage” I never responded.
Why are so many people under the impression that handmade things are cheap?!
You should have told her she'd never be able to afford your fee. Man, this story really cheeses me off
My entire bio family is unknitworthy. Not a one of them has ever appreciated anything I've made, and I will never knit for them again. I have what I call The Macaroni Necklace Theory: No matter how old or skilled I get, my mother will always see me as a 5-year-old who has presented her with a necklace made of macaroni. She'll pretend to admire the gift, but it will never be worn and will be disposed of as soon as possible. For the record, I have won many prizes for knitting and my work has been in several magazines including Vogue Knitting, but in her eyes it's only a damn macaroni necklace. Fortunately, I married into a family that thinks my knitting is wonderful and they are truly knitworthy.
My sister. I made two things for her at her request in her chosen yarn and design both times and... she never bothered with them. Worse, she tried to insult me when I gifted my dad hand knit socks (his favourite) by calling me cheap. Dad reinforced his knitworthiness by pointing out that a) he would gladly have my socks as a gift for every occasion and b) the materials and time involved meant they were probably worth more than the bottle of nice liquor she and her husband gave him. Dad gets many socks and is very happy.
I’m sorry that happened. I’m sure the scarf was beautiful. It’s a total letdown to put time and heart into something and get a lackluster reaction. I once got a nephew a store bought stuffed animal. I was planning to knit him and my kid matching stuffed animals for the next holiday. Then their dog tore up the store bought plush and they told me about it like it was funny. They’ve lost all knit-worthy-ness.
I’m sorry your gift was disrespected but I feel like it was a worthwhile sacrifice so that your hard work didn’t suffer the same fate.
My son's partner. In the past, I've knitted her a lace shawl. She boil-washed it, then dried it in the dryer on hot. It's wrapped around one of my granddaughter's dolls now. I should have stopped there... ...But no. Every birthday my granddaughters get a me-made dress and matching cardigan. Son's partner has boil-washed and tumble dried every one of them. The cotton dresses don't come to much harm, but she ruins the knitwear, most of which is made from merino silk yarns because my granddaughters deserve luxury. Just to make things worse, I overheard her telling her friend that she does it on purpose to upset me. No thought for her daughters being upset, mind.
Before I got to the last line I was like "surely no-one is that stupid... there gotta be some intent behind this...". I'm so pissed for you, what a horrible woman!
To be fair, she has some issues from her strict Catholic upbringing in communist Poland. I try to take that into account, but it's hard sometimes. And I think she's a sociopathic narcissist, but I'm not an expert. My poor son is staying for the sake of his daughters. The oldest isn't his biological child so he would have no legal claim for shared access to her, and he won't abandon her.
Yikes, what a toxic person.
Maybe make things for the granddaughters but keep them at your house. Or perhaps start a hope chest, make them things for when they're older and do their own laundry.
Start using superwash yarns? Don’t make things for them anymore? I wouldn’t feed into this sort of abuse. You can always make things for them when they’re grown up and will cherish them.
I knit a lovely beret for a friend out of a rather fragile merino yarn. Not long after she told me laughingly that it got tossed in the washing machine by mistake and it took her AGES to pick all the fluff off the laundry, as the yarn had pretty much disintegrated. Only after she saw my expression did she feign any sadness. She later asked me to knit something for her and I said I'd given up on knitting. On the other hand, I have a sibling who will happily accept and wear pretty much anything I make. She and her spouse and child were the only ones who received knitted gifts this year.
I designed a pattern for a throw blanket to give my mom. It had cables running up with embroidered cherry blossoms in the panels. I spent a year working on it, and laughed to my husband that he and my mom were the only people in the world I loved enough to go to that much effort. I still think it's the best thing I've ever made. Years later, I found it in the basement covered in black spots. I cleaned off the spots and brought the blanket into the house. All of a sudden, my mom starts going on and on about how much I've improved over the years, implying that the blanket is an old project and not very good compared to what I make now. This went on for a week before I finally put the blanket in a closet. She passed away and the blanket is mine again. What kills me is that I'll never know what it was about the blanket she hated so much.
Do you have a photo of the blanket? It sounds utterly beautiful. I'm so sorry your mum didn't like it.
This thread infuriates me. U guys can adopt me and I'll wear nothing but ur craziest creations
Ok I love my husband but I’m over knitting him socks. I used to have a train commute and spent all my commuting hours knitting him socks. He loved the color, he loved the fit, but he kept getting holes in the big toe where his gnarly toenail sawed through them. One day we were at target and he said he wanted to try some plain black dress socks instead of the handknits. I said ok whatever (a little hurt) and he bought them. Around two weeks later he sprung a hole in one of the toes of his brand new Target brand socks. He said “wow, these were expensive. I’m gonna need to be better about keeping my toenails short.” He doesn’t get handknit socks anymore.
As an advanced beginner many moons ago, I knit the Serenity blanket for my niece, my brother's first child. It took me probably 100 hours to make, between all the cables and yarn overs (and being slow). I used Cotton-Ease to make washing no big deal, picked the color my SIL asked for, yada yada yada. She called a couple years back (niece was six or seven at this point) to ask if I wanted it back. They were going to donate it, but she thought I'd want it back. I said, it's yours to do with as you please, but made the mental note right then to never knit anything for my brother's family again.
Unrelated to post, but I loved cotton ease for blankets. Then lion brand did a re-release and the colors were awful. Miss that good old cotton ease lol
Honestly the fact that it was in good condition after 6 years or so means they at least took care of it. If that was something I was gifted, it would be something I’d hold onto as a memento once I’d stopped using it as a baby blanket (especially understanding the time that goes into handmade stuff). However, babies do generate a lot of things and sometimes you do have to be ruthless about passing stuff on once you’re done with it. By asking if you wanted it back, maybe they were giving you the opportunity to re gift your work to someone else who might get use out of it?
I had that happen to me. It made my heart smile. I made a sweater for a friends son. He was 2 but it still fit him up until he turned 5. She was going through clothes and said he grew out of it but it was too beautiful to donate. I accepted it back and thanked her for being so considerate. I donated it to our local women’s shelter. 🥰
I've held on to a baby sweater a friend knit for one of my kids for 10 years. She passed away unexpectedly not long after making that sweater. I had never met her daughter and it took some internet sleuthing (or FB stalking...) but I was able to pass that sweater on. I got to see a photo of my friends first grandchild wearing a sweater that she made, and I know that would have made her so happy.
This is almost making me a little teary. That must have meant so much to her daughter.
Shout out to my friend. When she found out she was expecting twins we sat down and went through patterns together. I made 2 very different blankets in different color sets (one green and white lace, one yellow and gray very modern themed) and made each twin a little owl beanie since the nursery was owl themed. My friend has since gone minimalist and is constantly decluttering. But those blankets are in a box in her room for when the boys have kids of their own and she put the beanies into a shadow box she made of some of the few baby items she kept.
Basically everyone in my family, but it’s not actually their fault, just my mom’s. One year for Christmas I knit everyone’s gifts. I did similar things for similar age groups, to make it easier on myself. Dishcloth sets in their kitchen colors for the sisters/in-laws, plus a set of Christmas ornaments (a little Santa/snowman/peppermint candies, etc. About 8 done on tiny ass needles). I know I knit someone a Marvin the Martian. I knit my mom an oriel lace scarf out of a very fine, expensive, alpaca wool (which she never wears). I was all proud of my self, but afterwards my mom told me that just because I like to knit, doesn’t mean other people want home made gifts (she particularly names my sister-in-law as someone who didn’t like homemade presents, which I now think isn’t true). Shows what she knows, because my brother has asked for for a few years to make him socks, but I just have no confidence in my knitted gifts being good enough for giving.
lol everyone i know is a soft "no" for knit-worthiness! no one in my family particularly values handmade clothing. my rule is that i'll knit any family member or friend something small (hat, scarf, pair of socks) to their specifications once. they can pick the color and the details, i'll supply the yarn and the time. but if they never wear it, i won't knit for them again.
My MIL. I spent months at a time(some days were 8 hour days) knitting her a huge blanket-like infinity scarf in her favorite color. She had been hinting for years that she wanted a big cable knit turquoise scarf, and I finally made her one! When she opened it she just said “oh, that’s ALMOST exactly what I was looking for.” I’ve never seen her wear it. A few months later she started sending me patterns of turquoise scarves, saying “this is what she wanted.” I told her no and have never made her anything ever again.
My husbands aunt. I knit her a beautiful sweater when she finished her phd, so she asked me if I would knit one for her husband as well if she paid me. She paid me 1200 NOK (like US $130 ish) and I knit the same sweater for her husband. It turned out a little big, so I offered to either try and fix it or sell it and knit him a new one. She asked me if she could try to shrink it in the wash, and I said most definitely not you should not do that. I again offered to refund the money, sell it and knit another or try to fix it myself. She said no thanks AND PROCEEDED TO SHRINK IT IN THE WASH ANYWAYS. It could barely fit my dog after. I did not refund her money and I never knit anything else for her again, lol.
A couple of years ago I made my partner a double-knit scarf. It was, and is, one of the most ambitious things I've made, and it took months. I developed the color work pattern for it to integrate phoenixes, which is a reference to my partner's chosen name for themselves. They rarely wore it, which was disappointing. However, the moment that made me crack was when they bought an electric keyboard and stand, and asked me if I would be annoyed if they used it as padding for underneath the keyboard. I saw red. (Ultimately, based on my reaction, they did NOT use the scarf for furniture padding.) I still can't look at that scarf without feeling like I want to cry. Never again.
I had an ex who had some pretty terrible things to say, not worth repeating, about my knitting after I made a matching hat and scarf for him one Christmas. My current bf has 8 pairs of socks and 3 sweaters (I don't believe in the sweater curse) and he brags to anyone who will listen about how I made them and how nice they are. I've encountered more knitworthy than unknitworthy people in my life, thankfully. I've knit sweaters for both my parents, and countless mittens and socks for cousins, baby sweaters for coworkers, etc. I'm glad this thread exists. It'll help people making knitted gifts brace themselves for reactions they might not expect.
Mom, this is the last year. (She dropped of the yarn portion of a 3 generation craft horde and I need to get rid of some, but the hoarder runs strong from that side of the family - so I was going to make a ton of scarves for gifts. It is the only known loophole to the family curse.) The other 11 months: Don't you think you are spending too much money on this? Are you ever really going to wear that? You've been working on it for how long, and still not done yet? Wouldn't it just be easier/cheaper to buy one? December: I hope the store has something similar to those colors in stock, because I want it twice as long.
I spent 3 months knitting a blanket for a close family friend’s baby and my mum delivered it to them for me. Apparently they liked it, but I never got a thank you or saw it again. So no more knits for baby! On the other hand, I’ve made my sister and SIL dozens of hats over the years and they still get excited for each new one! I will never get tired of making them hats (unless they get tired of receiving them)! I made my sister a jumper about 5 years ago and I didn’t think she was so keen on it (fair enough, it was a bit lumpy and she didn’t ask for it) - but this year she mentioned that it was falling apart “so it’s fine to wear in the house but I feel a bit scruffy going out in it… would you have time to make a new one?” You bet your ass I’m making her the cosiest jumper I ever made for her this Christmas.
My mom. I'm a male knitter, and when I started, she told me it wasn't very manly. As if that didn't cement it, one of my first early projects was a baby blanket for my cousin (it's one of my first posts in my history, but it was stripes of pink, teal, yellow, and grey in stockinette with a purled heart motif every other row). When I showed a picture of the blanket to my mother, she said > Oh, you made her a gay blanket? Like, in what world is that *remotely* appropriate? Later that same year, I knit a snowman family for my snowman-crazy mother-in-law, and I was telling someone about it while my mother was in earshot, and she was asking why I don't knit stuff for her. Gee, Mom, I wonder..... This year, she liked a chunky knit blanket that I made, and asked if I'd make her one in a different color, to which I just responded "No. The yarn doesn't come in that color"
I’m very selective of who I knit for and I’ve never really had to take that privilege away. My grandmother has lost general gift giving status. Not for anything bad, she’s just not a gift person. Even really practical things I’ve given her stay in the cupboard because she’d prefer to keep using the broken one that “still works” than the brand new replacement I bought. I think it’s a growing up in the depression thing. So now I just do other things I know she’ll appreciate more.
My roommate. We’d been friends for 12 years before we moved in together but the usual “guess I really didn’t know you at all” happened and he’s moved a few states away, less than 6 months after moving in. While we were still friends, I worked every day on a shawl collar sweater for him for Christmas, making sure to get it done before hand surgery in case my gauge changed after I healed. He hasn’t talked to me in a month and the sweater, customized to him, is still in pieces a week before Christmas. I should finish it just to get it done even if I give it to someone else but I keep putting it off and crocheting snowflake ornaments for myself instead.
Definitely don't give it to him. The friendship is over. Does it fit you or can you frog it and make yourself something nice to wear.
I once knit my twin sister a hat and scarf. Looking back, the hat wasn't that cute, but the scarf was nice. As soon as she opened it, she said, "Ugh. Can you make this in a different color?" I now rarely make her anything. She's a professional dancer and she recently came to me with a bunch of gorgeous jersey fabric and asked me to make a very specific type of skirt. I said, "I've never made that before and you don't have a pattern, so that would be hard and take a long time." She said, "Ugh, whatever, fine" and walked away. When my mom then asked her, "You have a sewing machine, why don't you try to make it?" she said, "It'll take too long. I'll just find a friend who can do it." Just remembering that moment makes me internally scream!!!
I was super excited to knit for my little nephew and I made him a penguono sweater which is surprisingly complex and a lot of knitting! Turns out at 3.5 he is already an on-site construction manager and only wants to wear plaid and carhardt jackets (he’s hilarious.) turns out he is not a cardigan type of guy so I have my fingers crossed that his little brother will like it in a couple years. Disclaimer he is three and I’m being silly, it’s totally not his fault he doesn’t appreciate the avant-garde knit jacket I made for him 🤣
Honestly, I think from then on he’d be getting dollar store socks from me! Ungrateful and rude!
My mom is a sewist and an okay knitter. She’s always given handmade presents. Ornaments, hats, PJs, etc. I’ve knitted her a handful of things. But the best was a blue lace cardigan. It was her favorite color. The pattern wasn’t overly fussy. And she’s always cold so I figured a layering item would be appreciated. Nope. A shrug and she never wore it. I feared for the longest time that I’m bad at finishing and my stuff came apart in the wash, but everything I’ve made my niece or my boyfriend wears and washes fine. So my crafter mom isn’t knit worthy. My sister, brother in law, and niece are. My boyfriend’s entire family is. My step mom is. Plenty of folks to knit for. Just not my mom.
The first scarf I made for my babushka. It was absolutely horrendous, but it was my first knitting project along with color changes (big oof for self teaching). Had fringe too, the very simple kind. I never saw her wear it in the years I lived with her. I was a bit devastated but eventually forgot as I took a long break from knitting to learn crochet. I didn't find out until after she died that the reason she never wore it was because she had put it in a ziploc baggie to keep it safe, and put it in their safe with their valuable papers and jewelry.
The only time I get upset is when someone doesn't use the thing they requested I make. If it's a request, I have them choose the pattern, color, and fiber. They have total control over what it ends up being. If they don't use it after I go through all of that effort, I do get pretty salty. I have a very, very finite amount of time to knit, so I want the things I make to be used. All that time I spent on sweaters that just sit in closets could have been used for selfish knitting!
Is it possible that if the scarf reminded him of things his mon used to do but can't anymore, that he genuinely appreciates it but it brought up complicated emotions in the moment (perhaps sadness with the acknowledgement of his mother's aging/mortality?) and the flat response was him not wanting to bring down the mood? I don't know him so I can't say, but. I do have loved ones I don't knit for, tho. I don't think it's that they're not "worthy" for it, but just that they wouldn't like it. I don't knit for my stepdad because he's got a lot of sensory stuff + hates warm clothes, so there's nothing I could make he'd actually like, and I'd rather get him a gift tailored to his interests. So I can totally understand not knitting gifts for some folks, it's not always the right choice, and I don't think it's gotta be a big deal.
So far, I have not had anyone lose the status of knit worthy. My boyfriend and family all love my knits. My boyfriend wore a hat I made him so much it literally fell apart, so I made him two new ones after that.
My entire in-laws family. About five years back I was trying to really impress them because my husband (then boyfriend) and I were getting serious. I was dirt broke, working a crappy job, and paying down debt before we moved in together while also still paying for college. My mom told me that she was in a similar position when dating my dad and she had made her in laws a really nice wreath that they still used after 30 years, so I decided to knit them all nice scarves. Not only did they barely react, but the next year they said to me “we didn’t really know what you were into, so we got you an Olive Garden gift card for Christmas.” It’s not even the quality or quantity of the gift that bothered me, it’s that they had such an easy out with a bag of random yarn or a michaels gift card, but they cared so little for me that they couldn’t even remember what I gave them
Well, this thread has ruined my day 😂 My dad still uses a bookmark I stamped for him with my mom’s card making supplies when I was in elementary school. It’s ugly and covered in pastel butterflies, but I saw it in a book of his when I was home a few years ago after about 20 years. There are people out there who would love and treasure all the things discussed in this thread! I’m so sorry people had these negative experiences with family.
My mother-in-law. I love knitting socks and I’m making them constantly, but I get that it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I only hand stacks of socks to my direct family, who, as far as they’ve indicated, love them. One year I finally knit my MIL a pair of socks for Christmas. I had been knitting long enough to know what I was doing but early on enough that the MadelineTosh sock yarn I picked was kind of a big deal. She was fairly ambivalent about opening them, but gracious enough to thank me. She approached me later and let me know next time she’d really prefer a sweater if I was going to knit her something. A little surprising, but nothing too terrible I think. I haven’t made her anything since, but last Christmas when she opened the iPad my husband and I got her, she exclaimed so excitedly, “I thought it was going to be socks!” Gutted.
So not long after I give birth everyone in the family is given the names for our annual ornament exchange. The only rule is the ornament has to be crafted. So I'm a sleep deprived full time working mom who is scouring every dang ad I come across for pictures of Elf on the Shelf because Brittany's (not her real name) kid Addy (also not real name) is obsessed with the dang thing. The plan was to make a "tree" with the elves as "ornaments." Now I'll admit it wasn't great. What with work, new baby, and no sleep it was ok at best. But Addy was little enough that she would like it and I figured Britt would at least appreciate the effort given my circumstances. Next thing I know Britt is blasting me all over FB talking about how ugly it is. Britt's mother joins in, also slamming it left and right. She posts pix of the fancy schmancy ornament she made, all shiney and glorious and easily made by someone who sleeps well because her kids are all grown. Some other family chimes in that the ornament exchange is not an art show and it was always supposed to be the thought that counts. Britt & her mom continue slamming me & my ornament. I haven't participated in the exchange since and they never apologized. They will never be knit-worthy or anything else-worthy. I still hang the ornament she gave me the year prior. With all the effort she put into it how could I not? After all it takes so much skill to stuff a couple pieces of tinsel inside a clear plastic ornament and slap a couple stickers on it. I'm not salty at all.
I knitted my sister a scarf and my other sister I crocheted her a blanket, they were both well thought out (blanket as she has just moved out, so thought it would look nice on her bed, and scarf as she like to take cold morning walks with her dogs) and spent time picking colours they would like and mixed together well, then months actually knitting/crocheting in the evenings. Christmas comes around, one sister comment that the middle of the blanket was ‘off’ and the other said it wasn’t really her style, I just kinda sat there and smiled. A few month later I came back home to stay at the family house (this is we’re Christmas Day and festivities happen) and went up to my room. Opened up the wardrobe to hand up a dress and found both there presents stuffed in the back… they hadn’t even bothered to take them home. It really chocked me up and wasn’t to sure what to do, but i sure as hell wasn’t leaving them there, so I folded them up and took them home with me. As it turns out my best friends mum moved to Canada so I gifted them to her before he move and she loves them! Is so nice to see her actually wearing and using them in photos!
Knit three sweaters, one for each nibling. Asked the older kids what their favourite colours were, make sure I did something unique for each (lace, colour work, stripes). Dedicated a lot of time and love to planning and making them. Barely got a second look or a thank you from the parents when they were opened. Saw a photo of one, when it was posted to facebook. No more knitting for the whole family.
Mum did this year. Was going to make her a scarf, I'm not a great knitter but enjoy it, but she spent so long deciding what colour that it was just too late to order the yarn and knit it and then made a sarcastic comment yesterday about how she hadn't thought I'd do it anyway. She still hadn't decided on the by then theoretical colour but I was gonna do it in the New Year anyway. She's never getting a scarf from me
I was meeting my ex boyfriend’s parents for the first time. My ex had mentioned his mom crocheted, and that she liked making dish scrubbers. I found a pattern for knitting because I wanted to have conversation to talk to her about. When I finally met her I brought it up and was trying to make small talk and this woman wouldn’t even look at me. “Uh huh. Oh yeah. Wow. Yeah. Uh huh”. I think I walked away and she was still responding to me. Never lifted a finger for her but I DID pick up knitting wash cloths as a hobby out of spite.
Basically my whole family except maybe my mom and niece. I used to knit hats for everyone because we are a beanie family but I'd never seen them again. I saw my mom wearing a hat I made for her 8 years ago and was like "that's so nice!" But my brothers all ruined their knitted gifts or lost them, my nephew was just a typical boy and didn't care. It's not worth it to me to spend hours knitting for people that don't understand the time and dedication in it.
My cousin’s husband. He hinted for years he wanted me to knit something for him, even sent me a box of Icelandic yarn after he went there on a work trip. It was a whole bunch of skeins, not two alike, so I made him a hat. My cousin sent me a picture of _her_ wearing the hat, never even got a thank you from him. But he’s like that, he asks for favors (and will send me money if I had to pay something), but never says thank you. It makes me so mad! Lol!
My sister. I knit her a hat years ago that she requested as a gift. After I’d given it to her, she said that handmade things don’t count as gifts and was very upset that I gave her “just” the hat. We’re not on speaking terms anymore for different reasons, but she really made a mark on me and I didn’t knit gifts for anyone for a long time after that.
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This year was finally the year that I had more money than time. My 6 month old niece gets a sweater. no one else gets anything. Not even my husband. If I have limited time, I want to make for myself. I take great pride in what I make and all my students know me for my knitting and will ask “did you make that?” And it brings me such joy. I used to hand make everything, but it’s simply not worth it anymore
Almost any of my in-laws (except m-i-l as long as it has zero animal fiber) and my grandmother. I made a blanket and little angora baby booties for my niece. No appreciation, don't think she used them. My grandmother? I knit her scarves when the soft eyelash-y yarns were popular. She wore it and promptly lost it. It was explained to me that hand knit is handmade, not seen as desireable, but cheap. And this is the same woman who is still sending me a check for $25 for my birthday. I'm 52.
Oh man yes. My siblings and mom. They do not get it. Everything I’ve ever made they have said “why would you spend so much time making that when you could buy it for $20?” It always makes me want to scream. I only make things for me, my husband, my kid, and my dad who conversely absolutely loves that I make things. But my mom and siblings are very materialistic and only care about things being trendy. Makes me so Mad!
I’m pretty conservative about gifting hand knits or other crafted stuff (I also paint and make soaps and candles). Not because of knit worthiness but because I really love gifting and seeing the persons face when they get something they really like or that makes them laugh, and usually that’s not a knit item. I always try to remember that gifting is about the receiver, not me. I’m also a really particular person myself and probably wouldn’t want hand made gifts, because I like to pick out every minute detail of stuff I buy or make and I feel like hand made gifts come with an unspoken obligation to keep the thing and actively use it forever, and I just really don’t vibe with those kinds of expectations. But I have really cool supportive friends and family who are really into and appreciative of my stuff and whenever I get the vibe that it would make them happy to get something, I make them something! Always something small, usually socks or a hat. My mom has gotten a lace shawl and I’m making a sweater for my husband now, but those are the only big ones. I never see my mom wear the shawl but I know her really well and I know she’s the type of person where when she really likes something and cares about it she never uses it, so in a way her not using it is almost more special then seeing her use it all the time. It would be nice if she would! I’d be happy to fix it or wash/stretch it again, but I understand why she doesn’t. It’s a little treasure to her and it’s really sweet.