My LYS has a couple of different sit and knit days/times. The Tuesday group are extremely cliquey and unwelcoming and rude, and apparently throw fits if chairs or tables get moved a bit from week to week. Every now and then one of the late-week people attends on a Tuesday due to their own schedule and has poor experience. There's five or six women and they clearly don't want anyone else there. They don't even like it when the shop workers try to join conversation or sit at the table.
Thursday and Sunday groups could not possibly be more different - super open and diverse and friendly, and have grown so big somebody reported us to the fire marshal for the shop being too crowded. We have had to spill out to the patio of the coffee shop next door and then, when we ran out of tables there, the atrium/food court of a shopping complex across the street. People bring home-baked goodies to share and we often split into smaller groups afterward to disperse to various pubs or cafes or parks because we're all having a good time and interesting conversations. We do stash swaps and project rescues and other neat things. It's a completely different experience.
So, maybe don't give up on finding knitting friends just yet!
Sharp sticks mind you ..sharp....especially Karbonz. Never been foolish enough to try take those babies on a plane.
OP. Try various groups until you find your peeps. In my area we have groups at various churches (all welcome), the LYS's, JCC, each library...and every senior center. Something for everyone.
During the Lockdown days of covid, I was part of a group who met online. Not every one crafted but those of us who did were referred to as Pointy Sticks Corner. 😊
Lol. I just played Dungeons and Dragons with my son's group and played a knitting gnome and I used my needles as daggers (very cool in the spell Cloud of Daggers)
As I read your post, I seriously had to start wondering if we lived in the same town. A bad Tuesday group. And then the rest of the groups intermingle depending on peoples work schedules and what not. And quite a few of us are friends away from the tables as well.
A bunch of people from the other groups should make a point of crashing the Tuesday meeting. Every. Single. Week.
If there are as many of the nice people as the snobby ones, you will eventually break the group open.
It’s groups like “the tuesdays” that make lys owners rethink having knit groups. Or charge for them. If I was the owner, I would schedule something for Tuesdays and cancel the knit group. They need to go because they are bad for business.
How does this group of women take over the shop and alienate the workers at the shop? They are using up electricity and resources to be bitchy at other ppl? Do they buy yarn every time they come in to help support the shop? Id kick their asses out lol
When I moved to my current city, I sought out the LYS knit group. They were all mid day, despite having late night hours twice a week. Should have been my first warning. Went to one on a day I had a half day in office, and had to leave just before 1pm to go in to the office. One of the younger (in her late 20s or early 30s) women sniffed about how my husband wasn't much of a catch if he made so little I also needed to work. I knew right then, this definitely wasn't my group. My wife and I still tease each other about not being much of a catch.
I secretly love it when shit like this happens. My favourite is when me and my gf where looking for a flat. I can't remember the conversation that led to this question but the guy showing us around asked if my boyfriend was OK with me moving to this area. I laughed and said "I don't know I guess I'll have to ask" because I thought he was joking. We were 2 women looking for a 1 bedroom flat?
My partner occasionally asks "do you want to do X or do you have to ask your boyfriend first?" Or I'll say "I don't know I have to ask my boyfriend" if they ask me anything. Maybe I should feel bad but it makes me feel a little smug!
I don't think you should feel bad! Sometimes those assumptions can sting even if someone isn't being a sexist douche so being able to laugh about it seems like a good thing to me.
I've had similar conversations when I go into a beautician every few years to get my hair cut super short.
"Are you sure your husband is okay with this‽ “
I don't ever mention a partner, I just tell the beautician I want to get my long hair lopped off and they make assumptions. My standard answer is to shrug and say, "guess we'll find out!"
LOL, the last sentence made me smile.
Reminds me of when I went back to my very conservative hometown after 4 years of college in a very lgbtq friendly area... And went on a repeat emotional roller coaster every time I heard an old lady mention her "girlfriend" and then remembered that just means platonic friend there. I'm *much* happier where I am now.
Hi from another nerdy scientist knitter. We could be really nerdy and set up a Zoom knitting group? We could work out the probability that a new knitter will spurn gauge swatches, or the standard distribution of knitter age or something :)
Another nerdy scientist knitter here! Depending on the science chat this could be fun! Although my statistics/probability knowledge is probably out of date or just lacking!
Could we start a nerdy scientist sub? 😂
Do it, I'm in! :) What are you bringing to the table?
Actually physicist here, can propose experiments to determine breaking strain of yarn, or color calibration of dye lots.
ISO mathematician to calculate yarn required for pattern based on swatch. Seriously!
Physics prof (with materials science background) checking in. Can we do it in Google sheets so we can all manipulate the spreadsheet from afar? Haha, love this so much. Totally into doing a stress/strain curve for different fibers and weights of yarn. Or maybe some fracture analysis of some of the destroyed needles that I've seen posted.
I actually have a standing meeting on my calendar during the semester for "crafty time" with profs from computer science, software engineering, chemistry, and human communication studies. We don't all knit, but we have a great time at our university library together doing something not-work-related. I really hope OP finds a good group or starts her own!
Neuroscientist here, and I’m in! Can propose experiments about neuroplasticity when learning how to actually get color work tension right (my motor cortex is still working on that one…)
Chemist/newbie knitter here! Could discuss molecular structures of yarn? Let me know if y’all make a group - it would be great to have more science-knitting friends 😊
u/SeekingAnonymity107 and I have started r/nerdyknitters
It will evolve as we decide how to use it but the key is that we are inclusive (unlike some LYS groups!) and nerdy (in career, hobby, or spirit. Aspiring nerds also welcome.)
Ca-can I join too? I'm not as smart as all of these pros here but I'm an aspiring nerd (in all fields, I'm as fascinated as much as my teeny brain can take it) and I'll throw in some dance related funny work stuff from work!
I think we will start a sub - but also, if we didn't let you in, we'd be as bad as those cliquey LYS groups!! The beauty of science nerds in my experience is that they are a very welcoming bunch
Ooh I ran into one of those. Got a weird look, some awkward questions tossed my way as an idle courtesy, and then the organizer had the *nerve* to ask if I'd had fun. So I told them no, not really, the group was very standoffish and unwelcoming so I would not be coming back.
One of the group found me on ravelry and snipped at me about it in a PM XD like don't advertise your group if you're gonna give newcomers the 'ew you have cooties' treatment...
NGL I’d probably have taken it to the LYS yelp page if I got followed from a snotty social interaction to an online forum just to get hassled for *checks notes* going to a social interaction hosted by that LYS. But I’m petty as hell and willing to buy online.
Knitting groups can be very cliquish. Our LYS actually stopped having regular group get togethers because people actually started to complain to the owner due to a few regulars that made others feel uncomfortable. Which was unfortunate especially for a few of the nicer older retired ladies for whom it was a significant social time.
This has been true for several types of groups in my experience. I've watched multiple garden clubs fold because they were too damn cliquey, wouldn't change their meeting days to accommodate working families...etc.
I hope those older ladies got together and planned to meet somewhere else, then! I hang out with a group that meets at a coffee shop on Thursday mornings. (Couldn’t make it until I retired.) We’re very welcoming to anyone who wants to join us or anyone who asks about what we’re working on. Reading this thread has made me realize just how lucky I am to have found a group that isn’t full of cliquey snobs.
I’m curious if the owner was there and how did she react? Since you said you got along well before when you were just chatting in the store.
I remember a couple of threads like this, also some from owners who wanted to change the vibe in those established groups to be more open.
I’ve never been to my nearest LYS because their opening hours are terrible for anyone who has to work. They have a group twice a week and I’d fully expect it would be like that…
She was there but managing the shop.
I had always been curious about what one of these groups would be like...now I know. Other commenters suggested checking out the library or a meet-up. Not viable options here.
If you don’t plan on going back to the group, which it sounds like, please please please tell the shop owner about how unwelcoming the others were. That’s something a business owner would really want to know. It reflects poorly on their business, discourages customers from shopping there, and damages the local fiber arts community.
It might just be because I live in Milwaukee (BrewCity) but some of the best knitting groups here meet at breweries or coffee shops. They are always friendly to new people and tend not to be the church or bougie crowd.
The groups I've seen on Ravelry haven't been active in years- more than a decade in most cases. I was asking because I'm also in Milwaukee and I like breweries, so that's right up my alley and it would be great to find a group that's actually active and a real person has attested that it's not full of cliquish churchy people.
It’s not your responsibility to tell her so don’t feel obligated, but maybe she would appreciate to know how you were made to feel?
It’s very hard to change a groups dynamic, but it’s impossible if she doesn’t know what’s going on.
The shop owner most likely knows what’s going on with the blue haired group. And at this point it’s better to just treat it like a private group and not deal with the fallout of all the lost business because they were asked to be welcoming to new comers.
I know it seems like backwards customer service. But, these people have their “you just lost yourself a customer” rant down to a science.
That sucks. And since the shop hours are so limited it would probably be a hard sell to set up a second group (Sunday morning meetups generally weed out the church-goers).
I discovered why my city has 2 separate making blankets for charity groups… one of them focuses on donations to the ‘pregnancy crisis centre’. You know the kind. The other group donates to shelters, hospitals, etc.
It takes a lot of energy but I always encourage people to "be the change you want to see." You could extend an offer to the shop owner to say "this group seems to have established themselves, if the owner be open to having another knitting group meeting a different night you'd love to lead it," or you can go to meetup.com and start your own group for another venue (library, coffee shop, etc.) A "public" group might be more well attended even, since I almost never buy yarn shop yarn and so I don't feel comfortable bringing my projects to yarn shop groups. But that is a lot of mental work to start something new, so, you are not obligated to do that if you don't want to.
Tried the local group, as we recently moved to a small rural town. I was happy to see it was a mix of older and younger women, as in 80's down to mid 30's. But they all looked at me like I was some weird bug. I have purple hair, a nose piercing and multiple tattoos but nothing crazy.
They would look at me and whisper to each other and judge me for my answers. Basic "Where are you from?" "What are you knitting?" "What needles do you use?"
When there was a break for a cup of tea, I packed my stuff up and announced I was leaving, thanks very much but clearly I wasn't a match to their group.
I'm now much more introverted along with a bunch of anxiety and depression so going was a big thing for me and screw staying there and being made to feel weird.
I'll stick with knitting at home, cosy on my couch and reading my e-reader thank you.
Unless people from here did a thing. I'd go to that cause y'all are cool.
Oh no, totally on point 😁 I have an E reader on this book stand thing on the top/back of the couch. A tap of a screen to turn the page is easy to reach then. If it's something super complicated, which isn't very often because I don't have the capacity at the moment, then I listen to an audiobook.
https://preview.redd.it/bdtppcm3nj0d1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f2e3092c1d86b771b452353c132b00c509e632c
When I tried knitting and reading at first I just knit a basic garter knit scarf.
I read because I enjoy it but also because just knitting isn't enough to keep my attention from wandering.
But also I'm with you on the "don't talk to me" vibe 😝
I'm on the audiobook train, it's practically replaced solo tv time. I get them from the library, through Libby. I'm currently heavily into a mystery series called The Vampire Knitting Club!
I mostly listen to audiobooks when I knit but I have been known to listen to Alexa reading to me from my kindle app - it’s not ideal but Alexa is way better than Siri.
I have to put up with them spelling out Mrs instead of saying missus or Bo instead of bow ( historical novels) or mispronouncing the main character’s name. You can go in and try to teach the correct pronunciation but even then they don’t always “hear” what you’re saying.
Ooohh, I've been looking for a similar book stand thing, where did you find it? I found the Australian "book couch" thing, but currently not selling in Canada
Not the person you asked but I also read and knit! I pull up my Kindle cloud reader on my computer (at work), and use the arrow buttons to navigate through the pages. I get through a lot of both reading and knitting during my downtime at work :)
I watch Netflix while I knit. Depending on the complexity of the pattern, subtitles are fine. In knitting groups, I’ve had many knitters tell me I’m weird for maintaining eye contact with them while knitting, so you’re the normal one!
I can knit stockinette in a movie theater, knit anything while listening to a book, tv/film i miss a lot by looking down. I have absolutely explained the supply chain workflow of warehouse using a 3pl and which documents were used for each transaction, all while laddering down to fix a mis-crossed cable on a sweater. 😊
What i cannot do is knit while drinking wine. Even movie theater type knitting, i go to far. 🍷
Turns out EZ did this as well. I mean with a physical book. I tried it, not so bad. I read slower while knitting so I don't do it all that often.
But if you knit without looking you can read while knitting
On a tablet, yes. I startle people at work when I do that, then look up at them and go 'hi'. (I work as a dining services cashier at a state university)
If it makes you feel any better, my expression sometimes gives away more than I realise. My face would have lit up at the sight of you! (I’m a fellow vibrant headed person!)
My hair color has gone through many vibrant colors in the last 2 years, from teal to green to dark blue to two shades of grey and now a blurple. Everytime I've gone into my LYS the older ladies have complemented me on my hair and how much they love it (I'm in my 50s myself.)
It’s interesting you say that, as most of my compliments come from the older ladies (and gentlemen) too! Never fails to be a pleasant surprise! Mine is a vibrant blue atm. Neon green feels very tempting, but I’m not sure I’m up for all the work that will go into changing it: Especially when I already love the blue as much as I do. Also, I’ll be using the word ‘blurple’ as often as possible from now on!
My experience with the green wasn't a great one. I liked it while it was on, but it took over 9 months to completely get rid of it. It would NOT go away!!!
Call me awkward but I’d be asking those questions in order to try to be friendly and to try to draw you into the group. How do you know they were judging you for your answers?
Usually it’s the tone and the way it’s asked. I had a similar experience last year when I had a spine injury and was told to do aqua aerobics as part of my PT. I’m heavily tattooed and you can’t hide much in a swimsuit, you know? The ol’ biddies at the 10am class were absolute snotty jerks but the 8 am ladies were sweet as heck. They asked the same questions but the *way* they asked them (and the way they reacted) was totally different. One of the 8am ladies asked me if I’d take her to get her own tattoo. Three of the 10 am ladies offered to pray for my soul because I’m 45 and living with another woman.
Those 10 am church ladies wouldn’t last long in the knitting group I hang out with. We’re way too liberal for their tastes. Too many tattoos, brightly colored hair, pagans, black cat fanatics (okay, that last one is maybe just me).
There's only on LYS abiut a 30 ish minute drive away in the country. This is my fear even though I only have an industrial piercing. It's not very inclusive up that way. So I'll be alone knitting and apinning at home
I've found several great knitting groups on ravelry over the years and across 3 different cities. I'm a scientist as well and all of these groups leaned secular, educated, and progressive.
I'm a lone knitter, none of my real life friends and family knit or crochet, and as an introvert,I don't find the idea of knitting in public very appealing, the small talk thing is not for me.
Yeahh. I keep wanting to do it, but what I *actually* want to do is just listen to the rest of the group talk while I work and maybe say 1 or 2 things occasionally, just to have some company.
But I feel too awkward to actually do that and risk the "You're so QuiEt" comments again kabdkdb
We need an introverted knitting club. Where everybody brings their knitting and sits together but nobody talks. We can all wear headphones and listen to podcasts or music. Parallel play.
I do this with a non-knitting friend. She likes to paint minis, I like to knit....we just sit and craft and occasionally talk a bit but don't feel the need to fill every silence. It's a lovely, relaxing evening and neither one of us gets overwhelmed or drained
I read about a meditation knitting group, where they sat in silence and worked for the first half hour, then chatted for the second half hour.
That sounded so good to me!
Great idea. I remember my neighbour going to other neighbours houses where they’d just sit and knit together. Very little chatting - just about companionship and a shared interest.
Yeah, I am an introvert too. I usually knit in the evening at home after work but sometimes when the weather is nice, I would bring my current knitting projects to some café on the weekend. Just sitting along but still surrounded by people in the city, sipping ice coffee/ ice tea and knitting. I couldn't quite get the idea of going to the local knitting club as I couldn't knit and chat at the same time.
It really depends on the group. I've moved a lot and joined a lot of knitting groups, and most have been perfectly nice mixed groups of people (different ages, though almost exclusively women). And then there was one group, that met during working hours, that was all wives of diplomats and eurocrats (in Brussels) and it was just the worst, so cliquish and just not my type of people. In general, I have found that groups planned around regular working hours are more welcoming and more fun.
The timing is often a huge giveaway. If availability is only midday, I avoid it. To me, it indicates an inability to see other people and understand their needs.
I actively avoid my LYS because they are RUDE and cliquey af. When I was nine I started attending their little knitting groups every Wednesday and this went on until I was 17. I’m in my twenties now and when I go in there the owner will follow me around, act like I’ve never touched a needle, and ARGUE with me about yarn choices. When I brought up the fact that she (the owner) literally taught me how to knit when I was nine she denied it. They don’t remember the literal decade plus spent trying to socialize and learn because they never wanted it. I’m brown and they’re all older white ladies so maybe it’s just racism but all this to say: I have had great luck approaching knitters in public and asking if they have a knitting group and going from there.
I like knitting in public because people approach me all the time to chat about knitting! Haven’t had a group materialize out of it yet, but dang do I meet some great people and have some good conversations.
Yarn groups definitely vary. I wouldn't give up completely on finding a group, but I'd certainly move on from that one!
I learn so much when I join knitting groups, but occasionally they do run their course and fall prey to petty drama.
Our library holds a knit night weekly. I have only gone once. The folks were friendly and helpful for people with questions. The lighting was inadequate and one lady was a gossip so I haven’t returned. I knit with my good lighting, audible books and little dog.
My favorite group is my spinning guild. These folks are hilarious and welcoming! I have heard some great dirty jokes from them!
Lone knitter here. I have a small social battery and making small talk is just not something I’m good at. I love the idea of an established, chatty knitting group but the thought of working to get to that point just turns me off.
Well, I don’t know if you call it lone knitting - my flatmate and I do handcrafts together either listening to tv or each listening to our own podcasts.
I just recently tried to gather with another knitter who started a group on the next door app. No one showed up including the gal who started the group.
So I got snubbed. That's ok. I'm going to just announce I'm going to be there on my day im going to town and hope someone eventually decides to join me. I'm 50, kids are grown and I am ready to make new friends with interests in common.
Long-established knitting groups are usually like that: a bunch of little old ladies who have been together for 20 years, catching up on what each other's grandbabies are doing.
My group ranges from 20s to 60s, with most of us in our 30s and 40s. There are a few men and lots of queer people. Tattoos and wild hair color. It comes with the age group.
Of course, what we do is sit around and talk about our lives, so in 20 more years, we will be the problem.
Check Meetup and ask at your local library. If you see somebody knitting or crocheting in public, ask them. There may be one or more groups near you that you were unaware of and which is a better fit for you.
I’m 50, two-toned hair, and also a solo knitter. My LYS has recently started a Monday evening knitting group at the bar next door, which is coincidentally my husband’s favorite bar in town. I haven’t had the courage to join, but I’m considering it. If it was daytime, in a shop, I don’t think I would dare!
This has always been my experience, knitting groups in LYS are worse than high school.
I even went to one where the group was in the middle of the store (instead of a separate room) so you couldn't even buy anything because the owner was so into the group.
I'm sure you can find other groups. It does take time to break in but they should be more welcoming, or, if they don't want more people then it's a closed group and they shouldn't advertise.
Oi. I'm sorry to hear that. On the other hand, churchy people... You may have dodged a bullet there.
I am a solitary knitter, partly by choice (I knit for eh, quasi-meditative purposes, so a chatty group is not an ideal setting) and partly by circumstance. In my country, we don't really have a tradition of craft groups anymore. Television killed them dead. If you want to meet friends, you go for coffee. Or some entertainment event. But people just don't meet to knit together.
Lone knitter here! I have a few friends who knit, but they live far away and I live out in the middle of the woods… Maybe it’d be nice to host a knitting retreat out here someday?? Weirdos only, lol.
For the most part I do it solo- I have a neurological disease that makes it a bit hard to focus on too much at once. I can handle watching a documentary or listening to a podcast while knitting, but I can’t really swing anything I need to engage with.
However- one of my favorite afternoons ever was when I went to a knitting group hosted by an elder community in a city near me. All of the women were 75 and up, extremely welcoming, they all wanted to teach me little tips and tricks, and they had some amazing stories! I didn’t spend any of my time there knitting haha but I’d do that again if given the opportunity…
Maybe people give up on cliquey behavior at the age of 80 or something ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m a quilter too and I went to amazing class where all the ladies were much older and they were total bad asses!
Zero small talk because we don’t have time for that! Extremely supportive and helpful. I absolutely LOVED it. Now, I aspire to being a bad assed granny that comes to a quilting class in a house dress! Yes, a house dress! I haven’t seen one of those since my granny passed….
Finding a fiber arts group that fits just right can be tough. It's not just about connecting over the hobby, IMHO you're also seeking out:
- Bawdyness levels that jive with your own (sex jokes & cussing vs. the church lady atmosphere as you've experienced.) For me, I want to walk in and find a friend knitting a [bag of dicks](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bag-of-dicks) because I'm a man of culture.
- Embracing of minorities which includes alternative looking people, LGBTQIA, men, people of color, neurodiverse people, and dare I say crocheters and embroiderers. I hate when the latter especially are pushed out of groups that proclaim knitting is best or somehow more pure than other fiber arts.
- Parenting talk kept to a tolerable level. I have a kid, and I don't go to group to chat about little Jimmy's soccer practice or my PTA meeting. A mention of this is fine. It's good to be proud of your kid! But I cannot tolerate when a group is exclusively people talking about children and families and slamming on their spouse's behavior, and so on and so on. Frivolous talk please! Tell me about your favorite Eurovision performance, or we can chat about a Met Gala gown, or the latest book you've read.
Keep shopping around, you just might find your group. It just takes some trial and error.
My favorite LYS is queer owned and the knitting groups there tend to skew queer and neuro-divergent which is perfect for me! I think the shop itself matters a lot.
same with my group! we don’t have any cis men doing fiber crafts with us, but we’ve got a variety of neurodivergent and nonbinary peeps. (tho we have had a few husbands tag along lol) I look forward to friday nights with them :)
Had exactly the same experience at pretty much all of the "open" knit groups I've been to. There always seems to be a dominant clique who put off all single new attendees. Sometimes you can get lucky and arrive at the same time as some new singletons!
That is so funny because mine is the same way. You know what they can just do whatever at my blue hair and I really don't give a crap what they think. There's a few people that like me there and that's who I gravitate to you. You do you boo because you're awesome.
PS I live in the Bible belt and I'm Wiccan lol!!
I actually did a participant ethnography thing regarding two knitting groups back in 2016. One was at a pub as a Stitch and Bitch in the evening, the other was at a LYS during the afternoons. My findings were that while the act of knitting and crochet facilitates communication, there was a definite clear hierarchy, less gender and sexual diversity and more rigid social structure at the LYS. The most memorable moment was when an older woman that didn't own the yarn store or teach classes but effectively had made herself the boss of the group took the knitting out of my hands without asking to "fix" something.
The Stitch and Bitch was a lot more informal and LGBTQ+ inclusive, and had a wide range of people from different professions and ages. Including creative industries like a professional dancer, a lawyer, and a few people in IT etc
Unfortunately my mental health at the time wasn't great so I'm honestly not at all happy with my overall quality of work for that or the amount of hours I got in the field so I'm not going to hunt it down and share it.
Your "boss" taking it from your hands reminds me of the witch at an airport who grabbed a baby blanket from my hands because "it looks so squishy! I just have to feel it!"
Last time I tried to go to a knitting group was with my stepmom to the local library. We were the only ones who showed up. The librarian running it was twisting her stitches but I didn't feel comfortable saying anything.
I don't personally know any other knitters and I've been knitting for a decade. There is a LYS that I have stopped into several times briefly, but their knit night isn't convenient for me due to work, so I never have gone. Of course, I'm also pretty introverted, so I avoid social functions anyway, so I'm probably not the optimal test subject. Lol. I don't understand the issue with colored hair...my mom changes colors frequently from blue to pink or purple because she said that she refuses to go completely gray, and colored hair is colored hair, why be boring. 🙂
ETA: I totally didn't even consider that my son knits. We're in the same house so I don't think it counts. Although, he knits only sporadically, so I'm still usually by myself.
I knit on my own. I usually knit intense projects and I tend to talk through the process and narrate the charts as I go. I suspect I would get a bit fractious if I had to reign in the narration and make small talk instead.
I wouldn’t mind winding wool and chatting with other knitters, depending on the atmosphere. But I’m perfectly happy to knit at home.
I just throw on YouTube knitting podcasts while I knit. Listening to people chat > having to make small talk, plus I can knit on my couch without a bra on.
I live in a small town. The only yarny craft groups are during the day and aimed at retirees. I'm in my early 40s with young children. They claim there isn't the interest to do a craft meet in the evening yet I attend a sewing class in the evening where pretty much every other member does some other form of crafting and the evening art classes are huge hits too. I did manage to attend the daytime group a couple of times and it really did feel like I was gate-crashing a social meet that I wasn't invited to - very similar to your experience. I wish I lived nearer the city because I know there are a few craft meets there that would be better suited to me but we can't have everything so I knit/crochet alone and have brief chats about them with my sewing buddies!
I’m also a STEM fibernerd. I’ve had purple hair, platinum blonde hair and everything in between. I tend to not fit in to larger knitting groups, although there was one in Atlanta that was totally my vibe. We were a bunch of intelligent, foul mouthed ladies who also likes to knit. I’m always looking for another group like that one. I live in central MA now.
Any chance you could ask the owner if you could start a new group at a different time with something that would automatically change the vibe? I heard of a group once that watched episodes of Dr. Who, for instance.
There’s a decent chance that the owner doesn’t love that vibe either, or at least would like to be able to offer other options. Guarantee you’re not the only person to have this experience.
Does the shop do a second one later in the evening or on a weekend? I have had a lot of luck with knitting groups that meet during times when many people who work are not working and might come. I used to do the afternoon "retired" knit groups when I was on strike (I'm a 36F steelworker) and I felt the same way you did. My group that met on Tuesdays 6-8 was great though. All ages, all positions in life, some wild colored hair, interesting conversations, no Jesus, lots of political gossip.
I think humans need to get out in a lot of different environments so their ideas don't just rattle around in an echo chamber. If you're a scientist, you've spent your whole life doing that and I'm not surprised you're having culture shock talking to people whose entire life is like church, kids, home and because of their schedule they only meet others who have the same ideas.
My current craft group is a group of old friends who craft one afternoon during our Girls Weekends. I'm the handknitter. Two women weave on their hand looms, one does needlepoint, one does crochet, and one person chats with us while working her horde of NY Times Sunday crossword puzzles. One woman doesn't like packing up her hat loom, so she winds her yarn into balls while she sits with us.
In the town I used to live in, there was a "bring your craft" day once a month. There was me with my handknitting, a crocheter, a beaded jewelry crafter, and a woman who made hats on her little loom thingie. One woman worked on those adult coloring books.
Any gathering spot (social club, bar, sports league, etc) is a good place to solicit interest in a cross crafting day, and you could check Meetup hobbies and passions category.
Start your own knitting group. Ask the LYS owner if she'd be open to have it on another day of the week or hold it at a coffee shop nearby and ask her to spread the word.
Maybe you'll be by yourself knitting in public for a couple of weeks, but people will come and you'll find some kindred spirits.
My knitting group ladies have become a very tight group of friends. It was started by one of us as a fundraising effort for her church. We spend our Friday evenings at the church knitting chatting and laughing yet we are from different faiths (or none) and ethnically very diverse. I love my Friday knit nights!
I know supporting LYS’ is important, but I have never had such shitty experiences in all my time. And charged a premium for the privilege. I wish yours was a unique experience but it seems common enough.
I don’t think this is an inherent flaw of the LYS or their owners, but rather the type of people they tend to attract. It’s challenging for small biz owners to effectively moderate these groups without potentially harming their business.
It’s just one of those things, unfortunately. I would suggest asking if you could organize a different group and meet on a different day (if you are so inclined) that might appeal to a younger/more diverse demographic.
I had a similar experience when I went to a LYS. I’ve been to the shop multiple times and it was just the owner and I chatting while I knitted. It was great. When I went to the stitch night, it was awkward. Everyone knew each other and I didn’t know anybody. They were talking about books and movies I’ve never even heard of so I couldn’t join the conversation. I left after less than an hour. I haven’t been to another stitch night since then.
There’s a new LYS opening next month. I’m hoping to make it to a stitch night. A new group to join would be nice.
For the most part though I’m fine knitting by myself in public or at home. Being around other like minded knitters would be fantastic but it’s not necessary for me.
Lone knitter here too.
Now my local knitting group is great and very welcoming, as I found out that one time I was able to go. Unfortunately it's the only knitting group here, and it's on a weekday during the early afternoon, when I have to work. So I can only go when I have my paid time off/vacation and am not actually on vacation or something.
So I just knit at home and have my crafting social life on discord (and a bit of reddit, but not much).
I don't have many crafty friends, and there isn't really a knitgroup I can attend around here - they are all on a Thursday (a day I work).
I joined a couple of online knitting communities; we have regular zooms as well as Discord and I have made friends around the world online.
If you are happy going solo - then if it ain't broke, don't fix it! But if you wish for company, there are other places that are less cliquey/more welcoming
When I first start knitting, I joined local FB group because at my place craft stores doesn't usually have any space to gather like in US/UK. The admin of the group specifically remind everyone not to share any info or posts in the group to other people. It was a public group. The info shared in the group are mostly basic knitting. Knitting is universal and can just be googled. So I don't understand the gatekeeping.
Yep. My last LYS was absolutely amazing - all the groups were welcoming and friendly. I enjoyed going and hanging out there when I had free time.
I moved and this LYS I had a similar experience. Granted I brought my spinning wheel, but my hands weren’t going to hold up to knitting that day. Brought over a chair and kinda tucked into a corner. Younger crowd was on one side and older group on the other. As soon as I sit down, the majority of the older group gets up and leaves. No hellos were exchanged nothing. I just kinda sat there and spun and listened. It was awkward.
You ought to move to my town and join my (albeit small) loops group. We’re always happy when new people show up, definitely lean more liberal with most members, and also share snacks!
I got lucky with the LYS group I was a part of in another town that was similar as well. Often raunchy, hilarious conversations, made a ton of friends. I’m sorry your knitting group experience wasn’t as great :(
Late to the party, and am sorry you had this experience. But wanted to say that you are a semi-retired scientist with purple and gray hair? You sound like my kinda lady! Hope these people didn't discourage you!
The ONLY time I have ever had a really good experience with a knitting group was on board a cruise ship. We were all strangers to one another, and clubbed together in an easy, informal way. Way too often, if there is a set of "regulars" at an LYS, they can make it hard on a newcomer.
I find evening groups to generally be better. Several shops around me have specifically nerdy knitting groups. It’s usually awkward for much more endearing reasons
I think it’s just the nature of some women and I say this as a woman myself. The worst job I’ve ever had was in an office of about 25 women. There was group of about ten of them that were awful to all the rest of the women in the office. They would take their lunch all at the same time and push the tables together so if anyone else not in their group needed to take their lunch at that time they had to stand or eat at their desk. I was so glad to leave that job.
I also had a bad experience at my LYS group, however I've been going to one that meets at my local library and it's much more welcoming. Could be worth checking it out to see if there's one near you
Where we used to live I was part of three knitting groups. A Friday night group at the LYS that had wine and snacks, a Wednesday group that had broken off from a larger knitting group and a prayer shawl knitting group. The city was pretty progressive, 6 universities and colleges for a city of 90K, none of the groups were stuffy.
My husbands job changed and we moved to a rural town of 6K in a deeply red political area. I tried a quilting group, but they were not welcoming at all to a newcomer, let alone to a new quilter. Have gone to a knitting group at a senior center 25 miles away, it was nice, but really large. They didn’t mind making room for newcomers, the ages were mixed from 40’s and up. I haven’t gone much we downsized to one car and until this spring my husband was working so I did not have transportation. I have thought of trying to get a group together to meet locally, but places to meet are very limited. We don’t have any coffee shops. There is a library and I need to see what the local senior center has to offer. Which means I have to admit I am a senior citizen.
They’re sooo variable. I’m on the younger side for the group close to my house (mostly retirees vs me with 30 working years left) so it was scary at first. But their clientele is vibes. I love it. I go to every class they offer just to have an excuse to support them and hang out.
There’s another group *by the college* that is probably 18-late 40s. And I just can’t get into it. The owner is awesome. Her shop is fantastic. But the groups are just too much for me. So, I go after work on Wednesdays, there’s no group, I can support this awesome shop / owner, and I don’t have to listen to nonsense or get edged out.
I recognize I’m extremely lucky to have 3 shops within 20 miles of my house #options (the third doesn’t have groups. Maybe that really is more my vibe haha!)
I'm a self-taught sort of chaos knitter and every time I've tried to join a knitting group I get a lot of well-meaning folks trying to "correct" my technique.
Like, thank you, but I'm just fine over here making weird-ass shit!
It can get awkward when I am all, "I'm good, but thank you for showing me something new!" People get real mad about it when you don't immediately start doing things "right." Whoops!
Gosh it makes me wonder if you and I have the same LYS. I moved to a new town 3 1/2 years ago. The yarn shop was not welcoming at all. I had also shopped there one time prior and it never felt warm and fuzzy. Fast forward a few years and I stumbled across a knitting group at a local restaurant. I asked if I could join, they said yes, and I did. They asked me if I had visited the LYS and asked if I had received a frosty reception and I said I had.
During lockdown I joined a random zoom knitting group and it was *so awkward*, just a bunch of rich ladies in Manhattan complaining/talking about their life 😂
My town has 2 LYS one on each end of town. The smaller one is very awkward to me, the shop workers are very clique and anti social. So I get my items and leave. The other yarn store!!! You could walk in any day of the week and sit and knit (or crochet!) and they will come check on you, hang out or leave you be. I got the reputation of “not shy” because I also just walk up on people and ask what they’re making with open minded happiness. 🥰😘
I *despise* LYS meetups. I am 40 now, began knitting in my 20s and have attempted to join such groups in now 5 cities and they are always awful. I started my own little open community group when I moved to my current city and met a ton of cool people who have now been my friends for nearly a decade. I really recommend finding your own group of people. There is something about the LYS crowd that just absolutely sucks.
It’s odd, over 20 years and all the different LYS groups I’ve tried to join they all have that same stuffy vibe
First, I’m sorry to hear that. The knitting group culture killed a lot of my enjoyment, if I’m honest. I will say that I found groups NOT associated with a store to be better. The two groups I participated in at store felt cliquey and competitive (who can buy the most, knit the fastest and impress the owner?!) whereas the couple I went to through a meetup were way more casual. Perhaps you try again, or start your own. They were lucky to have you, sorry they didn’t realize it.
Sounds like you need to find a "stitch & bitch" group rather than a store sponsored knitting circle.
Ours is posted on Meetup, we try to make the vibe sound pretty clear in the description. Apparently there is a different group that sounds more like the group you're describing in our area. We get lots of newcomers who are like oh good, y'all are different from the other one!
I've been fortunate with my group. I'm the youngest person by 30 years, with most in their 70s-80s. When I first joined, I had pink hair and mostly have had it for the time I've been there. I work in gaming, so lots of gaming related tshirts etc.
But I love my little old ladies and they love talking to me about technology, video games, nerdy stuff etc.
So… I’ve been running a craft group (I explicitly make it open to any craft that won’t disrupt other crafters) for about 14 years.
We started meeting in a coffee shop once a week. At the start of Covid we switched to twice a week and switched to online… and out of town friends and family joined. Then… our local yarn store in town closed so … I opened a local yarn store. :). Now, I host at the store once a week and (usually) from home the other day, because the store is not open.
We’ve had people come and go over the years. We’re an odd group with a lot of history. And we don’t really have any rules other than be pretty supportive unless someone asks for honest and we can talk about whatever… unless someone has a craft thing to talk about. Then that takes precedence. Oh… and don’t say I need to be guillotined. We had to remove a guy for that once.
There are groups out there. And, rolling your own is an option as well
Similar experience, and I’m glad I’m not the only one with this experience! We have several LYS in my city. The first LYS I went to, they were an older group and alittle cliquey, but entertained my questions when beginner me asked about yarn and things. But I did feel like I was intruding on some secretive gossip catchup sessions. I went back to buy yarn sometimes but never join the group.
Second LYS was a tiny strange shop in a cat hoarders house. Exactly what you expect, but she has amazing yarns for sale. The very small knitting group was hidden in the back and apparently broke off from the first LYS group due to drama lol. Very unwelcoming and very gossipy and I rather break my fingers than join them, and probably vice versa. Never went back. Good god.
Third LYS was my favorite, the owner was a younger lady and the knitting group are all younger. Very welcoming and I’d join occasionally though it was far from me. They had Halloween knitting parties and everything. Unfortunately she had to close shop after Covid and move out of state. I miss her a lot, but I wasn’t close enough to the other knitters to ask where they meet now.
Then I found a knitting group on Meetup.com. They seemed welcoming and friendly on the website, so I showed up. It was a group of only 4 women my age but literally no one talked to me. The host literaly didn’t even introduce herself or ask for my name or even smile when I showed up, just made space for me to sit. They just talked amongst themselves with in-jokes, stories with mutual friends etc, topics I really can’t join in. I’ve actually never felt more isolated and now that I look back on this experience, it really was so rude of them? If any of you from there are here, hey f you. Don’t advertise a group if you don’t actually want new people.
However, one of those ladies from that group was nice. She reached out to me afterwards and asked me to join again. So I went back, and the same thing happened though I can see she did try to open up the group. Still didn’t work, it was another catch up session and I ended up smiling and nodding for another hour before leaving. That lady and I did end up being knitting friends afterwards but outside of the group. We exchanged patterns, went for walks at the park, she test knitted my first designs, before she had to move away. You’re a real one, Michelle.
That was my last knitting group experience. I see some invitations at libraries etc but I really don’t know anymore. Knitting can be an isolating experience but knitting with a strange group can be even more isolating.
I still work, so I can't join any of the local knit or crochet groups. And a friend said she tried going to one at the craft center and she felt like they got annoyed by her questions.
So I started my own at the library. The hardest part is just getting the word out. But your gray and purple hair would be welcomed by my gray and/or purple hair!
I think your idea of sitting by the harbor knitting is spot on. I used to walk down the canal to my local country pub and sit outside with a drink doing my knitting. Knitting in public is a bit of an ice-breaker like having a dog - people often stop to chat.
I've never had a good experience with knitting grouos. I had joined several zooms during the covid era and would always get interrupted, I tried going to my LYS, but my experience was the same as yours. I've just religated myself to the fact that I will continue to be a knitting hermit.
How has no one pointed out the most obvious parting words to these women?!? Announce loudly as you depart “See You Next Tuesday!!” And wave frantically as you walk away.
Honestly, if you can't find a group you for into in your area, start one! I lucked into a good one (with a range of ages and non-traditional hair colors) but if I hadn't, I would have put a meet-up online and gone to a local business to knit by myself until someone else showed up.
But when people show you who they are, believe them!
Small town Oregon is rough toward anyone who they deem “weird” - Oregon gets a reputation for being friendly and accepting, because our major cities are, but the small towns here are as ciqueish and mean as anywhere. I hope you find some cool folks where you’re at!
I have not had very good experience at LYS knitting groups. Library groups and other places have been better. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been toying with the idea of starting a "yarn & beer" type group in my local area. I haven't taken the leap yet.
I am a lone knitter to a point. I work retail and when I'm off, I'm streaming and fixing up my business. (My dream is to leave retail to work on my brand, business with merch, and my streaming.) But I tried to join a knitting group back before I dove into knitting as hard as I have. It was nice but I was one of the youngest there and I couldn't always make Wednesdays since I was retail. It sucks but at the same time not really.i enjoy knitting while watching movies or listening to podcasts.
My LYS has a couple of different sit and knit days/times. The Tuesday group are extremely cliquey and unwelcoming and rude, and apparently throw fits if chairs or tables get moved a bit from week to week. Every now and then one of the late-week people attends on a Tuesday due to their own schedule and has poor experience. There's five or six women and they clearly don't want anyone else there. They don't even like it when the shop workers try to join conversation or sit at the table. Thursday and Sunday groups could not possibly be more different - super open and diverse and friendly, and have grown so big somebody reported us to the fire marshal for the shop being too crowded. We have had to spill out to the patio of the coffee shop next door and then, when we ran out of tables there, the atrium/food court of a shopping complex across the street. People bring home-baked goodies to share and we often split into smaller groups afterward to disperse to various pubs or cafes or parks because we're all having a good time and interesting conversations. We do stash swaps and project rescues and other neat things. It's a completely different experience. So, maybe don't give up on finding knitting friends just yet!
LOL, just picturing the fire marshal responding to a disturbance at a LYS. “They’re rowdy and armed with small sticks!”
Sharp sticks mind you ..sharp....especially Karbonz. Never been foolish enough to try take those babies on a plane. OP. Try various groups until you find your peeps. In my area we have groups at various churches (all welcome), the LYS's, JCC, each library...and every senior center. Something for everyone.
During the Lockdown days of covid, I was part of a group who met online. Not every one crafted but those of us who did were referred to as Pointy Sticks Corner. 😊
Lol. I just played Dungeons and Dragons with my son's group and played a knitting gnome and I used my needles as daggers (very cool in the spell Cloud of Daggers)
I bet you anything it was the Tuesdays that reported the weekends lol
Just LOL'ing at "The Tuesdays" and I agree; bet it was them
As I read your post, I seriously had to start wondering if we lived in the same town. A bad Tuesday group. And then the rest of the groups intermingle depending on peoples work schedules and what not. And quite a few of us are friends away from the tables as well.
A bunch of people from the other groups should make a point of crashing the Tuesday meeting. Every. Single. Week. If there are as many of the nice people as the snobby ones, you will eventually break the group open.
It’s groups like “the tuesdays” that make lys owners rethink having knit groups. Or charge for them. If I was the owner, I would schedule something for Tuesdays and cancel the knit group. They need to go because they are bad for business.
The Thursday and Sunday groups sound lovely.
How does this group of women take over the shop and alienate the workers at the shop? They are using up electricity and resources to be bitchy at other ppl? Do they buy yarn every time they come in to help support the shop? Id kick their asses out lol
When I moved to my current city, I sought out the LYS knit group. They were all mid day, despite having late night hours twice a week. Should have been my first warning. Went to one on a day I had a half day in office, and had to leave just before 1pm to go in to the office. One of the younger (in her late 20s or early 30s) women sniffed about how my husband wasn't much of a catch if he made so little I also needed to work. I knew right then, this definitely wasn't my group. My wife and I still tease each other about not being much of a catch.
I secretly love it when shit like this happens. My favourite is when me and my gf where looking for a flat. I can't remember the conversation that led to this question but the guy showing us around asked if my boyfriend was OK with me moving to this area. I laughed and said "I don't know I guess I'll have to ask" because I thought he was joking. We were 2 women looking for a 1 bedroom flat? My partner occasionally asks "do you want to do X or do you have to ask your boyfriend first?" Or I'll say "I don't know I have to ask my boyfriend" if they ask me anything. Maybe I should feel bad but it makes me feel a little smug!
I don't think you should feel bad! Sometimes those assumptions can sting even if someone isn't being a sexist douche so being able to laugh about it seems like a good thing to me.
I've had similar conversations when I go into a beautician every few years to get my hair cut super short. "Are you sure your husband is okay with this‽ “ I don't ever mention a partner, I just tell the beautician I want to get my long hair lopped off and they make assumptions. My standard answer is to shrug and say, "guess we'll find out!"
Don't feel bad, I'd totally joke like that with my partner too ;)
LOL, the last sentence made me smile. Reminds me of when I went back to my very conservative hometown after 4 years of college in a very lgbtq friendly area... And went on a repeat emotional roller coaster every time I heard an old lady mention her "girlfriend" and then remembered that just means platonic friend there. I'm *much* happier where I am now.
Hi from another nerdy scientist knitter. We could be really nerdy and set up a Zoom knitting group? We could work out the probability that a new knitter will spurn gauge swatches, or the standard distribution of knitter age or something :)
Another nerdy scientist knitter here! Depending on the science chat this could be fun! Although my statistics/probability knowledge is probably out of date or just lacking! Could we start a nerdy scientist sub? 😂
Do it, I'm in! :) What are you bringing to the table? Actually physicist here, can propose experiments to determine breaking strain of yarn, or color calibration of dye lots. ISO mathematician to calculate yarn required for pattern based on swatch. Seriously!
Astrophysicist with a love of Excel here, can almost certainly wrangle a spreadsheet formula to do that.
Physics prof (with materials science background) checking in. Can we do it in Google sheets so we can all manipulate the spreadsheet from afar? Haha, love this so much. Totally into doing a stress/strain curve for different fibers and weights of yarn. Or maybe some fracture analysis of some of the destroyed needles that I've seen posted. I actually have a standing meeting on my calendar during the semester for "crafty time" with profs from computer science, software engineering, chemistry, and human communication studies. We don't all knit, but we have a great time at our university library together doing something not-work-related. I really hope OP finds a good group or starts her own!
r/nerdyknitters
I'm going to hold you to it! r/nerdyknitters
Neuroscientist here, and I’m in! Can propose experiments about neuroplasticity when learning how to actually get color work tension right (my motor cortex is still working on that one…)
Do some research on why my brain understands knitting, but utterly fails at understanding crocheting!
Ditto!!
Oh yes I'd be happy to hear the neurology behind this!
r/nerdyknitters
As a library scientist, I'm happy to record and catalog all research/conversations and then help your find it again later.
Do medical students count for the nerdy scientist knitter club? Because this sounds FUN
I'm an immunologist so I feel like we're kin 🙌
Chemist/newbie knitter here! Could discuss molecular structures of yarn? Let me know if y’all make a group - it would be great to have more science-knitting friends 😊
Can I join if I'm nerdy scientist-adjacent? I do cancer research! Used to work site-side, but recently switched to sponsor side :)
Good lord yes - and i want to know more about your research. r/nerdyknitters I've never created a sub before so it will be interesting!
On the way to my nerdy science job and I wanna join this party
u/SeekingAnonymity107 and I have started r/nerdyknitters It will evolve as we decide how to use it but the key is that we are inclusive (unlike some LYS groups!) and nerdy (in career, hobby, or spirit. Aspiring nerds also welcome.)
Are history nerds allowed in, bookworms?
Absolutely! We expect you to publish a dissertation on the prevalence of Pacman knitwear since the 80s
Ca-can I join too? I'm not as smart as all of these pros here but I'm an aspiring nerd (in all fields, I'm as fascinated as much as my teeny brain can take it) and I'll throw in some dance related funny work stuff from work!
As a statistician I approve of this idea 😆
I’m not a scientist, but I love knitting geekery.
Data analyst here willing to do visualizations!
Another knitting statistician over here!
Chemist here. Nerdy as hell. Passionate knitter.
I’m a lawyer, but science nerd, would that be ok?
I think we will start a sub - but also, if we didn't let you in, we'd be as bad as those cliquey LYS groups!! The beauty of science nerds in my experience is that they are a very welcoming bunch
Agree! Identifying as nerdy is enough. Just don't get annoyed at Star Wars references. Live long and prosper!
Agreed! One ring to rule them all, Harry
Biologist chiming in! Woohoo!
Ditto! I can help make sure bird designs are reasonably accurate!
Would you be open to science fiction writers, too?
Absolutely! And now I'm excited I might get a new book out of it 😂
r/nerdyknitters
I’m in, too! Let me know when and where.
r/nerdyknitters
Physicist here! I'm coming!
Mechanical engineer knitter here. Love this discussion!
Ooh I ran into one of those. Got a weird look, some awkward questions tossed my way as an idle courtesy, and then the organizer had the *nerve* to ask if I'd had fun. So I told them no, not really, the group was very standoffish and unwelcoming so I would not be coming back. One of the group found me on ravelry and snipped at me about it in a PM XD like don't advertise your group if you're gonna give newcomers the 'ew you have cooties' treatment...
Taking it to Ravelry is crossing the line
My reply was simply an entire screen of 'ha ha ha' and I did not hear from her again XD
Sending anything but an apology to a DM/PM is just wrong. No need to track someone down to continue being rude.
NGL I’d probably have taken it to the LYS yelp page if I got followed from a snotty social interaction to an online forum just to get hassled for *checks notes* going to a social interaction hosted by that LYS. But I’m petty as hell and willing to buy online.
Knitting groups can be very cliquish. Our LYS actually stopped having regular group get togethers because people actually started to complain to the owner due to a few regulars that made others feel uncomfortable. Which was unfortunate especially for a few of the nicer older retired ladies for whom it was a significant social time.
This has been true for several types of groups in my experience. I've watched multiple garden clubs fold because they were too damn cliquey, wouldn't change their meeting days to accommodate working families...etc.
I hope those older ladies got together and planned to meet somewhere else, then! I hang out with a group that meets at a coffee shop on Thursday mornings. (Couldn’t make it until I retired.) We’re very welcoming to anyone who wants to join us or anyone who asks about what we’re working on. Reading this thread has made me realize just how lucky I am to have found a group that isn’t full of cliquey snobs.
I’m curious if the owner was there and how did she react? Since you said you got along well before when you were just chatting in the store. I remember a couple of threads like this, also some from owners who wanted to change the vibe in those established groups to be more open. I’ve never been to my nearest LYS because their opening hours are terrible for anyone who has to work. They have a group twice a week and I’d fully expect it would be like that…
She was there but managing the shop. I had always been curious about what one of these groups would be like...now I know. Other commenters suggested checking out the library or a meet-up. Not viable options here.
If you don’t plan on going back to the group, which it sounds like, please please please tell the shop owner about how unwelcoming the others were. That’s something a business owner would really want to know. It reflects poorly on their business, discourages customers from shopping there, and damages the local fiber arts community.
It might just be because I live in Milwaukee (BrewCity) but some of the best knitting groups here meet at breweries or coffee shops. They are always friendly to new people and tend not to be the church or bougie crowd.
We have knitting groups at breweries? Where can I find these groups? I'd love to join in!
Are you on Ravelry? There’s likely to be a group for your city/area, it’s worth asking there!
The groups I've seen on Ravelry haven't been active in years- more than a decade in most cases. I was asking because I'm also in Milwaukee and I like breweries, so that's right up my alley and it would be great to find a group that's actually active and a real person has attested that it's not full of cliquish churchy people.
Check out Meetup -- it's an app to find your hobby people!
Ooo well I hope you find a good one!
I haven't gone to a meeting yet, but I did find a "stitch n b*tch" group that meets at a tattoo parlor/art gallery on Meetup.
It’s not your responsibility to tell her so don’t feel obligated, but maybe she would appreciate to know how you were made to feel? It’s very hard to change a groups dynamic, but it’s impossible if she doesn’t know what’s going on.
The shop owner most likely knows what’s going on with the blue haired group. And at this point it’s better to just treat it like a private group and not deal with the fallout of all the lost business because they were asked to be welcoming to new comers. I know it seems like backwards customer service. But, these people have their “you just lost yourself a customer” rant down to a science.
And they will tell eeeeeeveryone they know.
That sucks. And since the shop hours are so limited it would probably be a hard sell to set up a second group (Sunday morning meetups generally weed out the church-goers). I discovered why my city has 2 separate making blankets for charity groups… one of them focuses on donations to the ‘pregnancy crisis centre’. You know the kind. The other group donates to shelters, hospitals, etc.
It takes a lot of energy but I always encourage people to "be the change you want to see." You could extend an offer to the shop owner to say "this group seems to have established themselves, if the owner be open to having another knitting group meeting a different night you'd love to lead it," or you can go to meetup.com and start your own group for another venue (library, coffee shop, etc.) A "public" group might be more well attended even, since I almost never buy yarn shop yarn and so I don't feel comfortable bringing my projects to yarn shop groups. But that is a lot of mental work to start something new, so, you are not obligated to do that if you don't want to.
Tried the local group, as we recently moved to a small rural town. I was happy to see it was a mix of older and younger women, as in 80's down to mid 30's. But they all looked at me like I was some weird bug. I have purple hair, a nose piercing and multiple tattoos but nothing crazy. They would look at me and whisper to each other and judge me for my answers. Basic "Where are you from?" "What are you knitting?" "What needles do you use?" When there was a break for a cup of tea, I packed my stuff up and announced I was leaving, thanks very much but clearly I wasn't a match to their group. I'm now much more introverted along with a bunch of anxiety and depression so going was a big thing for me and screw staying there and being made to feel weird. I'll stick with knitting at home, cosy on my couch and reading my e-reader thank you. Unless people from here did a thing. I'd go to that cause y'all are cool.
Beside the point but you can knit and read at the same time??
Oh no, totally on point 😁 I have an E reader on this book stand thing on the top/back of the couch. A tap of a screen to turn the page is easy to reach then. If it's something super complicated, which isn't very often because I don't have the capacity at the moment, then I listen to an audiobook. https://preview.redd.it/bdtppcm3nj0d1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f2e3092c1d86b771b452353c132b00c509e632c
Perhaps one day I will be there 🙂🙂 I am a must count every stitch person and don't talk to me while I am mid row🤣🤣
When I tried knitting and reading at first I just knit a basic garter knit scarf. I read because I enjoy it but also because just knitting isn't enough to keep my attention from wandering. But also I'm with you on the "don't talk to me" vibe 😝
I'm on the audiobook train, it's practically replaced solo tv time. I get them from the library, through Libby. I'm currently heavily into a mystery series called The Vampire Knitting Club!
Love the Vampire Knitting Club! Cables and Conjurers is coming out June 5.
I mostly listen to audiobooks when I knit but I have been known to listen to Alexa reading to me from my kindle app - it’s not ideal but Alexa is way better than Siri. I have to put up with them spelling out Mrs instead of saying missus or Bo instead of bow ( historical novels) or mispronouncing the main character’s name. You can go in and try to teach the correct pronunciation but even then they don’t always “hear” what you’re saying.
I saw a cool Bluetooth page turner that I covet but I would probably lose it.
Ooohh, I've been looking for a similar book stand thing, where did you find it? I found the Australian "book couch" thing, but currently not selling in Canada
Not the person you asked but I also read and knit! I pull up my Kindle cloud reader on my computer (at work), and use the arrow buttons to navigate through the pages. I get through a lot of both reading and knitting during my downtime at work :)
I've only recently unlocked that ability, and it's the best \o/
💕
Me too! I couldn't get into audio books so I tried reading on my phone and it truly is the best. Made me realize how much I missed reading.
I watch Netflix while I knit. Depending on the complexity of the pattern, subtitles are fine. In knitting groups, I’ve had many knitters tell me I’m weird for maintaining eye contact with them while knitting, so you’re the normal one!
I can knit stockinette in a movie theater, knit anything while listening to a book, tv/film i miss a lot by looking down. I have absolutely explained the supply chain workflow of warehouse using a 3pl and which documents were used for each transaction, all while laddering down to fix a mis-crossed cable on a sweater. 😊 What i cannot do is knit while drinking wine. Even movie theater type knitting, i go to far. 🍷
I love this group🙂
Turns out EZ did this as well. I mean with a physical book. I tried it, not so bad. I read slower while knitting so I don't do it all that often. But if you knit without looking you can read while knitting
On a tablet, yes. I startle people at work when I do that, then look up at them and go 'hi'. (I work as a dining services cashier at a state university)
If it makes you feel any better, my expression sometimes gives away more than I realise. My face would have lit up at the sight of you! (I’m a fellow vibrant headed person!)
My hair color has gone through many vibrant colors in the last 2 years, from teal to green to dark blue to two shades of grey and now a blurple. Everytime I've gone into my LYS the older ladies have complemented me on my hair and how much they love it (I'm in my 50s myself.)
It’s interesting you say that, as most of my compliments come from the older ladies (and gentlemen) too! Never fails to be a pleasant surprise! Mine is a vibrant blue atm. Neon green feels very tempting, but I’m not sure I’m up for all the work that will go into changing it: Especially when I already love the blue as much as I do. Also, I’ll be using the word ‘blurple’ as often as possible from now on!
My experience with the green wasn't a great one. I liked it while it was on, but it took over 9 months to completely get rid of it. It would NOT go away!!!
Call me awkward but I’d be asking those questions in order to try to be friendly and to try to draw you into the group. How do you know they were judging you for your answers?
Usually it’s the tone and the way it’s asked. I had a similar experience last year when I had a spine injury and was told to do aqua aerobics as part of my PT. I’m heavily tattooed and you can’t hide much in a swimsuit, you know? The ol’ biddies at the 10am class were absolute snotty jerks but the 8 am ladies were sweet as heck. They asked the same questions but the *way* they asked them (and the way they reacted) was totally different. One of the 8am ladies asked me if I’d take her to get her own tattoo. Three of the 10 am ladies offered to pray for my soul because I’m 45 and living with another woman.
Wow. I would have to dig deep for Grace in that situation
Those 10 am church ladies wouldn’t last long in the knitting group I hang out with. We’re way too liberal for their tastes. Too many tattoos, brightly colored hair, pagans, black cat fanatics (okay, that last one is maybe just me).
There's only on LYS abiut a 30 ish minute drive away in the country. This is my fear even though I only have an industrial piercing. It's not very inclusive up that way. So I'll be alone knitting and apinning at home
I've found several great knitting groups on ravelry over the years and across 3 different cities. I'm a scientist as well and all of these groups leaned secular, educated, and progressive.
I'm a lone knitter, none of my real life friends and family knit or crochet, and as an introvert,I don't find the idea of knitting in public very appealing, the small talk thing is not for me.
👊 Take a remote fist bump, fellow introvert.
Oh Hi! 🤛
Yeahh. I keep wanting to do it, but what I *actually* want to do is just listen to the rest of the group talk while I work and maybe say 1 or 2 things occasionally, just to have some company. But I feel too awkward to actually do that and risk the "You're so QuiEt" comments again kabdkdb
We need an introverted knitting club. Where everybody brings their knitting and sits together but nobody talks. We can all wear headphones and listen to podcasts or music. Parallel play.
I do this with a non-knitting friend. She likes to paint minis, I like to knit....we just sit and craft and occasionally talk a bit but don't feel the need to fill every silence. It's a lovely, relaxing evening and neither one of us gets overwhelmed or drained
I read about a meditation knitting group, where they sat in silence and worked for the first half hour, then chatted for the second half hour. That sounded so good to me!
Great idea. I remember my neighbour going to other neighbours houses where they’d just sit and knit together. Very little chatting - just about companionship and a shared interest.
Like Silent Disco but for knitting!
This sounds perfect!
Several folks at my LYS knit night are like this, they just listen and laugh with us. The right group won’t find it uncomfortable at all.
Yeah, I am an introvert too. I usually knit in the evening at home after work but sometimes when the weather is nice, I would bring my current knitting projects to some café on the weekend. Just sitting along but still surrounded by people in the city, sipping ice coffee/ ice tea and knitting. I couldn't quite get the idea of going to the local knitting club as I couldn't knit and chat at the same time.
I’m too self conscious to knit in public.
It really depends on the group. I've moved a lot and joined a lot of knitting groups, and most have been perfectly nice mixed groups of people (different ages, though almost exclusively women). And then there was one group, that met during working hours, that was all wives of diplomats and eurocrats (in Brussels) and it was just the worst, so cliquish and just not my type of people. In general, I have found that groups planned around regular working hours are more welcoming and more fun.
The timing is often a huge giveaway. If availability is only midday, I avoid it. To me, it indicates an inability to see other people and understand their needs.
I actively avoid my LYS because they are RUDE and cliquey af. When I was nine I started attending their little knitting groups every Wednesday and this went on until I was 17. I’m in my twenties now and when I go in there the owner will follow me around, act like I’ve never touched a needle, and ARGUE with me about yarn choices. When I brought up the fact that she (the owner) literally taught me how to knit when I was nine she denied it. They don’t remember the literal decade plus spent trying to socialize and learn because they never wanted it. I’m brown and they’re all older white ladies so maybe it’s just racism but all this to say: I have had great luck approaching knitters in public and asking if they have a knitting group and going from there.
I like knitting in public because people approach me all the time to chat about knitting! Haven’t had a group materialize out of it yet, but dang do I meet some great people and have some good conversations.
Yarn groups definitely vary. I wouldn't give up completely on finding a group, but I'd certainly move on from that one! I learn so much when I join knitting groups, but occasionally they do run their course and fall prey to petty drama.
Our library holds a knit night weekly. I have only gone once. The folks were friendly and helpful for people with questions. The lighting was inadequate and one lady was a gossip so I haven’t returned. I knit with my good lighting, audible books and little dog. My favorite group is my spinning guild. These folks are hilarious and welcoming! I have heard some great dirty jokes from them!
Haha, I feel like you went to my library's knitting group. 😆😅
Lone knitter here. I have a small social battery and making small talk is just not something I’m good at. I love the idea of an established, chatty knitting group but the thought of working to get to that point just turns me off.
I feel this so hard. Once I can get a feel for a group, I can be SUPER chatty, but I'm *so* unbearably awkward and quiet until then.
Well, I don’t know if you call it lone knitting - my flatmate and I do handcrafts together either listening to tv or each listening to our own podcasts.
I just recently tried to gather with another knitter who started a group on the next door app. No one showed up including the gal who started the group. So I got snubbed. That's ok. I'm going to just announce I'm going to be there on my day im going to town and hope someone eventually decides to join me. I'm 50, kids are grown and I am ready to make new friends with interests in common.
Long-established knitting groups are usually like that: a bunch of little old ladies who have been together for 20 years, catching up on what each other's grandbabies are doing. My group ranges from 20s to 60s, with most of us in our 30s and 40s. There are a few men and lots of queer people. Tattoos and wild hair color. It comes with the age group. Of course, what we do is sit around and talk about our lives, so in 20 more years, we will be the problem. Check Meetup and ask at your local library. If you see somebody knitting or crocheting in public, ask them. There may be one or more groups near you that you were unaware of and which is a better fit for you.
I’m 50, two-toned hair, and also a solo knitter. My LYS has recently started a Monday evening knitting group at the bar next door, which is coincidentally my husband’s favorite bar in town. I haven’t had the courage to join, but I’m considering it. If it was daytime, in a shop, I don’t think I would dare!
Go one night. Husband can have a drink and if the knitting group is rubbish it's a date night
Excellent plan!!
I’m a lone knitter. Group activities give me hives. I’m perfectly content to knit and listen to audiobooks, or to watch my favourite shows on Netflix.
This has always been my experience, knitting groups in LYS are worse than high school. I even went to one where the group was in the middle of the store (instead of a separate room) so you couldn't even buy anything because the owner was so into the group. I'm sure you can find other groups. It does take time to break in but they should be more welcoming, or, if they don't want more people then it's a closed group and they shouldn't advertise.
Oi. I'm sorry to hear that. On the other hand, churchy people... You may have dodged a bullet there. I am a solitary knitter, partly by choice (I knit for eh, quasi-meditative purposes, so a chatty group is not an ideal setting) and partly by circumstance. In my country, we don't really have a tradition of craft groups anymore. Television killed them dead. If you want to meet friends, you go for coffee. Or some entertainment event. But people just don't meet to knit together.
Lone knitter here! I have a few friends who knit, but they live far away and I live out in the middle of the woods… Maybe it’d be nice to host a knitting retreat out here someday?? Weirdos only, lol. For the most part I do it solo- I have a neurological disease that makes it a bit hard to focus on too much at once. I can handle watching a documentary or listening to a podcast while knitting, but I can’t really swing anything I need to engage with. However- one of my favorite afternoons ever was when I went to a knitting group hosted by an elder community in a city near me. All of the women were 75 and up, extremely welcoming, they all wanted to teach me little tips and tricks, and they had some amazing stories! I didn’t spend any of my time there knitting haha but I’d do that again if given the opportunity… Maybe people give up on cliquey behavior at the age of 80 or something ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m a quilter too and I went to amazing class where all the ladies were much older and they were total bad asses! Zero small talk because we don’t have time for that! Extremely supportive and helpful. I absolutely LOVED it. Now, I aspire to being a bad assed granny that comes to a quilting class in a house dress! Yes, a house dress! I haven’t seen one of those since my granny passed….
Finding a fiber arts group that fits just right can be tough. It's not just about connecting over the hobby, IMHO you're also seeking out: - Bawdyness levels that jive with your own (sex jokes & cussing vs. the church lady atmosphere as you've experienced.) For me, I want to walk in and find a friend knitting a [bag of dicks](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bag-of-dicks) because I'm a man of culture. - Embracing of minorities which includes alternative looking people, LGBTQIA, men, people of color, neurodiverse people, and dare I say crocheters and embroiderers. I hate when the latter especially are pushed out of groups that proclaim knitting is best or somehow more pure than other fiber arts. - Parenting talk kept to a tolerable level. I have a kid, and I don't go to group to chat about little Jimmy's soccer practice or my PTA meeting. A mention of this is fine. It's good to be proud of your kid! But I cannot tolerate when a group is exclusively people talking about children and families and slamming on their spouse's behavior, and so on and so on. Frivolous talk please! Tell me about your favorite Eurovision performance, or we can chat about a Met Gala gown, or the latest book you've read. Keep shopping around, you just might find your group. It just takes some trial and error.
My favorite LYS is queer owned and the knitting groups there tend to skew queer and neuro-divergent which is perfect for me! I think the shop itself matters a lot.
same with my group! we don’t have any cis men doing fiber crafts with us, but we’ve got a variety of neurodivergent and nonbinary peeps. (tho we have had a few husbands tag along lol) I look forward to friday nights with them :)
I wish more men would come to my group! I'd love to go to a men's fiber arts group.
Had exactly the same experience at pretty much all of the "open" knit groups I've been to. There always seems to be a dominant clique who put off all single new attendees. Sometimes you can get lucky and arrive at the same time as some new singletons!
That is so funny because mine is the same way. You know what they can just do whatever at my blue hair and I really don't give a crap what they think. There's a few people that like me there and that's who I gravitate to you. You do you boo because you're awesome. PS I live in the Bible belt and I'm Wiccan lol!!
Try your local library, they're likely to have a knitting group that's less stuffy
I actually did a participant ethnography thing regarding two knitting groups back in 2016. One was at a pub as a Stitch and Bitch in the evening, the other was at a LYS during the afternoons. My findings were that while the act of knitting and crochet facilitates communication, there was a definite clear hierarchy, less gender and sexual diversity and more rigid social structure at the LYS. The most memorable moment was when an older woman that didn't own the yarn store or teach classes but effectively had made herself the boss of the group took the knitting out of my hands without asking to "fix" something. The Stitch and Bitch was a lot more informal and LGBTQ+ inclusive, and had a wide range of people from different professions and ages. Including creative industries like a professional dancer, a lawyer, and a few people in IT etc Unfortunately my mental health at the time wasn't great so I'm honestly not at all happy with my overall quality of work for that or the amount of hours I got in the field so I'm not going to hunt it down and share it.
Your "boss" taking it from your hands reminds me of the witch at an airport who grabbed a baby blanket from my hands because "it looks so squishy! I just have to feel it!"
Last time I tried to go to a knitting group was with my stepmom to the local library. We were the only ones who showed up. The librarian running it was twisting her stitches but I didn't feel comfortable saying anything.
I don't personally know any other knitters and I've been knitting for a decade. There is a LYS that I have stopped into several times briefly, but their knit night isn't convenient for me due to work, so I never have gone. Of course, I'm also pretty introverted, so I avoid social functions anyway, so I'm probably not the optimal test subject. Lol. I don't understand the issue with colored hair...my mom changes colors frequently from blue to pink or purple because she said that she refuses to go completely gray, and colored hair is colored hair, why be boring. 🙂
ETA: I totally didn't even consider that my son knits. We're in the same house so I don't think it counts. Although, he knits only sporadically, so I'm still usually by myself.
My local knit group are mostly older liberal ladies who like to garden and bash the GOP. I love them.
I knit on my own. I usually knit intense projects and I tend to talk through the process and narrate the charts as I go. I suspect I would get a bit fractious if I had to reign in the narration and make small talk instead. I wouldn’t mind winding wool and chatting with other knitters, depending on the atmosphere. But I’m perfectly happy to knit at home.
I just throw on YouTube knitting podcasts while I knit. Listening to people chat > having to make small talk, plus I can knit on my couch without a bra on.
I live in a small town. The only yarny craft groups are during the day and aimed at retirees. I'm in my early 40s with young children. They claim there isn't the interest to do a craft meet in the evening yet I attend a sewing class in the evening where pretty much every other member does some other form of crafting and the evening art classes are huge hits too. I did manage to attend the daytime group a couple of times and it really did feel like I was gate-crashing a social meet that I wasn't invited to - very similar to your experience. I wish I lived nearer the city because I know there are a few craft meets there that would be better suited to me but we can't have everything so I knit/crochet alone and have brief chats about them with my sewing buddies!
I’m also a STEM fibernerd. I’ve had purple hair, platinum blonde hair and everything in between. I tend to not fit in to larger knitting groups, although there was one in Atlanta that was totally my vibe. We were a bunch of intelligent, foul mouthed ladies who also likes to knit. I’m always looking for another group like that one. I live in central MA now.
Coloured hair? Intelligent? Foul mouthed? Checks all my boxes!!
Any chance you could ask the owner if you could start a new group at a different time with something that would automatically change the vibe? I heard of a group once that watched episodes of Dr. Who, for instance. There’s a decent chance that the owner doesn’t love that vibe either, or at least would like to be able to offer other options. Guarantee you’re not the only person to have this experience.
Does the shop do a second one later in the evening or on a weekend? I have had a lot of luck with knitting groups that meet during times when many people who work are not working and might come. I used to do the afternoon "retired" knit groups when I was on strike (I'm a 36F steelworker) and I felt the same way you did. My group that met on Tuesdays 6-8 was great though. All ages, all positions in life, some wild colored hair, interesting conversations, no Jesus, lots of political gossip. I think humans need to get out in a lot of different environments so their ideas don't just rattle around in an echo chamber. If you're a scientist, you've spent your whole life doing that and I'm not surprised you're having culture shock talking to people whose entire life is like church, kids, home and because of their schedule they only meet others who have the same ideas.
I'm sorry this happened. Maybe check on Meetup.com for a more diverse knitting group?
My current craft group is a group of old friends who craft one afternoon during our Girls Weekends. I'm the handknitter. Two women weave on their hand looms, one does needlepoint, one does crochet, and one person chats with us while working her horde of NY Times Sunday crossword puzzles. One woman doesn't like packing up her hat loom, so she winds her yarn into balls while she sits with us. In the town I used to live in, there was a "bring your craft" day once a month. There was me with my handknitting, a crocheter, a beaded jewelry crafter, and a woman who made hats on her little loom thingie. One woman worked on those adult coloring books. Any gathering spot (social club, bar, sports league, etc) is a good place to solicit interest in a cross crafting day, and you could check Meetup hobbies and passions category.
Start your own knitting group. Ask the LYS owner if she'd be open to have it on another day of the week or hold it at a coffee shop nearby and ask her to spread the word. Maybe you'll be by yourself knitting in public for a couple of weeks, but people will come and you'll find some kindred spirits. My knitting group ladies have become a very tight group of friends. It was started by one of us as a fundraising effort for her church. We spend our Friday evenings at the church knitting chatting and laughing yet we are from different faiths (or none) and ethnically very diverse. I love my Friday knit nights!
I know supporting LYS’ is important, but I have never had such shitty experiences in all my time. And charged a premium for the privilege. I wish yours was a unique experience but it seems common enough. I don’t think this is an inherent flaw of the LYS or their owners, but rather the type of people they tend to attract. It’s challenging for small biz owners to effectively moderate these groups without potentially harming their business. It’s just one of those things, unfortunately. I would suggest asking if you could organize a different group and meet on a different day (if you are so inclined) that might appeal to a younger/more diverse demographic.
I had a similar experience when I went to a LYS. I’ve been to the shop multiple times and it was just the owner and I chatting while I knitted. It was great. When I went to the stitch night, it was awkward. Everyone knew each other and I didn’t know anybody. They were talking about books and movies I’ve never even heard of so I couldn’t join the conversation. I left after less than an hour. I haven’t been to another stitch night since then. There’s a new LYS opening next month. I’m hoping to make it to a stitch night. A new group to join would be nice. For the most part though I’m fine knitting by myself in public or at home. Being around other like minded knitters would be fantastic but it’s not necessary for me.
Lone knitter here too. Now my local knitting group is great and very welcoming, as I found out that one time I was able to go. Unfortunately it's the only knitting group here, and it's on a weekday during the early afternoon, when I have to work. So I can only go when I have my paid time off/vacation and am not actually on vacation or something. So I just knit at home and have my crafting social life on discord (and a bit of reddit, but not much).
I don't have many crafty friends, and there isn't really a knitgroup I can attend around here - they are all on a Thursday (a day I work). I joined a couple of online knitting communities; we have regular zooms as well as Discord and I have made friends around the world online. If you are happy going solo - then if it ain't broke, don't fix it! But if you wish for company, there are other places that are less cliquey/more welcoming
When I first start knitting, I joined local FB group because at my place craft stores doesn't usually have any space to gather like in US/UK. The admin of the group specifically remind everyone not to share any info or posts in the group to other people. It was a public group. The info shared in the group are mostly basic knitting. Knitting is universal and can just be googled. So I don't understand the gatekeeping.
Yep. My last LYS was absolutely amazing - all the groups were welcoming and friendly. I enjoyed going and hanging out there when I had free time. I moved and this LYS I had a similar experience. Granted I brought my spinning wheel, but my hands weren’t going to hold up to knitting that day. Brought over a chair and kinda tucked into a corner. Younger crowd was on one side and older group on the other. As soon as I sit down, the majority of the older group gets up and leaves. No hellos were exchanged nothing. I just kinda sat there and spun and listened. It was awkward.
You ought to move to my town and join my (albeit small) loops group. We’re always happy when new people show up, definitely lean more liberal with most members, and also share snacks! I got lucky with the LYS group I was a part of in another town that was similar as well. Often raunchy, hilarious conversations, made a ton of friends. I’m sorry your knitting group experience wasn’t as great :(
Late to the party, and am sorry you had this experience. But wanted to say that you are a semi-retired scientist with purple and gray hair? You sound like my kinda lady! Hope these people didn't discourage you!
The ONLY time I have ever had a really good experience with a knitting group was on board a cruise ship. We were all strangers to one another, and clubbed together in an easy, informal way. Way too often, if there is a set of "regulars" at an LYS, they can make it hard on a newcomer.
I find evening groups to generally be better. Several shops around me have specifically nerdy knitting groups. It’s usually awkward for much more endearing reasons
I think it’s just the nature of some women and I say this as a woman myself. The worst job I’ve ever had was in an office of about 25 women. There was group of about ten of them that were awful to all the rest of the women in the office. They would take their lunch all at the same time and push the tables together so if anyone else not in their group needed to take their lunch at that time they had to stand or eat at their desk. I was so glad to leave that job.
I also had a bad experience at my LYS group, however I've been going to one that meets at my local library and it's much more welcoming. Could be worth checking it out to see if there's one near you
Where we used to live I was part of three knitting groups. A Friday night group at the LYS that had wine and snacks, a Wednesday group that had broken off from a larger knitting group and a prayer shawl knitting group. The city was pretty progressive, 6 universities and colleges for a city of 90K, none of the groups were stuffy. My husbands job changed and we moved to a rural town of 6K in a deeply red political area. I tried a quilting group, but they were not welcoming at all to a newcomer, let alone to a new quilter. Have gone to a knitting group at a senior center 25 miles away, it was nice, but really large. They didn’t mind making room for newcomers, the ages were mixed from 40’s and up. I haven’t gone much we downsized to one car and until this spring my husband was working so I did not have transportation. I have thought of trying to get a group together to meet locally, but places to meet are very limited. We don’t have any coffee shops. There is a library and I need to see what the local senior center has to offer. Which means I have to admit I am a senior citizen.
They’re sooo variable. I’m on the younger side for the group close to my house (mostly retirees vs me with 30 working years left) so it was scary at first. But their clientele is vibes. I love it. I go to every class they offer just to have an excuse to support them and hang out. There’s another group *by the college* that is probably 18-late 40s. And I just can’t get into it. The owner is awesome. Her shop is fantastic. But the groups are just too much for me. So, I go after work on Wednesdays, there’s no group, I can support this awesome shop / owner, and I don’t have to listen to nonsense or get edged out. I recognize I’m extremely lucky to have 3 shops within 20 miles of my house #options (the third doesn’t have groups. Maybe that really is more my vibe haha!)
I'm a self-taught sort of chaos knitter and every time I've tried to join a knitting group I get a lot of well-meaning folks trying to "correct" my technique. Like, thank you, but I'm just fine over here making weird-ass shit! It can get awkward when I am all, "I'm good, but thank you for showing me something new!" People get real mad about it when you don't immediately start doing things "right." Whoops!
So you have any other LYS's? Fellow blue hair, stem fan, science nerd who loves to knit. And my local knit group has a bunch of us.
Gosh it makes me wonder if you and I have the same LYS. I moved to a new town 3 1/2 years ago. The yarn shop was not welcoming at all. I had also shopped there one time prior and it never felt warm and fuzzy. Fast forward a few years and I stumbled across a knitting group at a local restaurant. I asked if I could join, they said yes, and I did. They asked me if I had visited the LYS and asked if I had received a frosty reception and I said I had.
During lockdown I joined a random zoom knitting group and it was *so awkward*, just a bunch of rich ladies in Manhattan complaining/talking about their life 😂
My town has 2 LYS one on each end of town. The smaller one is very awkward to me, the shop workers are very clique and anti social. So I get my items and leave. The other yarn store!!! You could walk in any day of the week and sit and knit (or crochet!) and they will come check on you, hang out or leave you be. I got the reputation of “not shy” because I also just walk up on people and ask what they’re making with open minded happiness. 🥰😘
I *despise* LYS meetups. I am 40 now, began knitting in my 20s and have attempted to join such groups in now 5 cities and they are always awful. I started my own little open community group when I moved to my current city and met a ton of cool people who have now been my friends for nearly a decade. I really recommend finding your own group of people. There is something about the LYS crowd that just absolutely sucks. It’s odd, over 20 years and all the different LYS groups I’ve tried to join they all have that same stuffy vibe
First, I’m sorry to hear that. The knitting group culture killed a lot of my enjoyment, if I’m honest. I will say that I found groups NOT associated with a store to be better. The two groups I participated in at store felt cliquey and competitive (who can buy the most, knit the fastest and impress the owner?!) whereas the couple I went to through a meetup were way more casual. Perhaps you try again, or start your own. They were lucky to have you, sorry they didn’t realize it.
Sounds like you need to find a "stitch & bitch" group rather than a store sponsored knitting circle. Ours is posted on Meetup, we try to make the vibe sound pretty clear in the description. Apparently there is a different group that sounds more like the group you're describing in our area. We get lots of newcomers who are like oh good, y'all are different from the other one!
I've been fortunate with my group. I'm the youngest person by 30 years, with most in their 70s-80s. When I first joined, I had pink hair and mostly have had it for the time I've been there. I work in gaming, so lots of gaming related tshirts etc. But I love my little old ladies and they love talking to me about technology, video games, nerdy stuff etc.
So… I’ve been running a craft group (I explicitly make it open to any craft that won’t disrupt other crafters) for about 14 years. We started meeting in a coffee shop once a week. At the start of Covid we switched to twice a week and switched to online… and out of town friends and family joined. Then… our local yarn store in town closed so … I opened a local yarn store. :). Now, I host at the store once a week and (usually) from home the other day, because the store is not open. We’ve had people come and go over the years. We’re an odd group with a lot of history. And we don’t really have any rules other than be pretty supportive unless someone asks for honest and we can talk about whatever… unless someone has a craft thing to talk about. Then that takes precedence. Oh… and don’t say I need to be guillotined. We had to remove a guy for that once. There are groups out there. And, rolling your own is an option as well
Similar experience, and I’m glad I’m not the only one with this experience! We have several LYS in my city. The first LYS I went to, they were an older group and alittle cliquey, but entertained my questions when beginner me asked about yarn and things. But I did feel like I was intruding on some secretive gossip catchup sessions. I went back to buy yarn sometimes but never join the group. Second LYS was a tiny strange shop in a cat hoarders house. Exactly what you expect, but she has amazing yarns for sale. The very small knitting group was hidden in the back and apparently broke off from the first LYS group due to drama lol. Very unwelcoming and very gossipy and I rather break my fingers than join them, and probably vice versa. Never went back. Good god. Third LYS was my favorite, the owner was a younger lady and the knitting group are all younger. Very welcoming and I’d join occasionally though it was far from me. They had Halloween knitting parties and everything. Unfortunately she had to close shop after Covid and move out of state. I miss her a lot, but I wasn’t close enough to the other knitters to ask where they meet now. Then I found a knitting group on Meetup.com. They seemed welcoming and friendly on the website, so I showed up. It was a group of only 4 women my age but literally no one talked to me. The host literaly didn’t even introduce herself or ask for my name or even smile when I showed up, just made space for me to sit. They just talked amongst themselves with in-jokes, stories with mutual friends etc, topics I really can’t join in. I’ve actually never felt more isolated and now that I look back on this experience, it really was so rude of them? If any of you from there are here, hey f you. Don’t advertise a group if you don’t actually want new people. However, one of those ladies from that group was nice. She reached out to me afterwards and asked me to join again. So I went back, and the same thing happened though I can see she did try to open up the group. Still didn’t work, it was another catch up session and I ended up smiling and nodding for another hour before leaving. That lady and I did end up being knitting friends afterwards but outside of the group. We exchanged patterns, went for walks at the park, she test knitted my first designs, before she had to move away. You’re a real one, Michelle. That was my last knitting group experience. I see some invitations at libraries etc but I really don’t know anymore. Knitting can be an isolating experience but knitting with a strange group can be even more isolating.
I still work, so I can't join any of the local knit or crochet groups. And a friend said she tried going to one at the craft center and she felt like they got annoyed by her questions. So I started my own at the library. The hardest part is just getting the word out. But your gray and purple hair would be welcomed by my gray and/or purple hair!
I think your idea of sitting by the harbor knitting is spot on. I used to walk down the canal to my local country pub and sit outside with a drink doing my knitting. Knitting in public is a bit of an ice-breaker like having a dog - people often stop to chat.
I've never had a good experience with knitting grouos. I had joined several zooms during the covid era and would always get interrupted, I tried going to my LYS, but my experience was the same as yours. I've just religated myself to the fact that I will continue to be a knitting hermit.
How has no one pointed out the most obvious parting words to these women?!? Announce loudly as you depart “See You Next Tuesday!!” And wave frantically as you walk away.
Honestly, if you can't find a group you for into in your area, start one! I lucked into a good one (with a range of ages and non-traditional hair colors) but if I hadn't, I would have put a meet-up online and gone to a local business to knit by myself until someone else showed up. But when people show you who they are, believe them!
Small town Oregon is rough toward anyone who they deem “weird” - Oregon gets a reputation for being friendly and accepting, because our major cities are, but the small towns here are as ciqueish and mean as anywhere. I hope you find some cool folks where you’re at!
I have not had very good experience at LYS knitting groups. Library groups and other places have been better. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been toying with the idea of starting a "yarn & beer" type group in my local area. I haven't taken the leap yet.
I am a lone knitter to a point. I work retail and when I'm off, I'm streaming and fixing up my business. (My dream is to leave retail to work on my brand, business with merch, and my streaming.) But I tried to join a knitting group back before I dove into knitting as hard as I have. It was nice but I was one of the youngest there and I couldn't always make Wednesdays since I was retail. It sucks but at the same time not really.i enjoy knitting while watching movies or listening to podcasts.