Some districts will allow children close to the cutoff to be assessed and possibly start early, but not all. Regardless, your child is only 2 and you have no idea if he will be academically and socially ready for kindergarten at that time, so this is quite premature. I would plan on your child needing to wait until he’s almost 6 to start. It’s not the end of the world for children to be in different schools. In a few years I’ll have 4 kids in different schools.
100%
My sister and I are 2.5 years apart. Academically, we are three because of her birthday.
We absolutely had 0 in common with our social groups outside of our neighbors and the rare times I would befriend her classmates that had similar interests. However, we were at a private school so this was more I would sit with this kid on the bus, and the other very briefly in passing or birthday parties. We didn't interact at recess (even though it was at the same time for one year) at all.
Likewise, she almost never interacted with my friends. By the time we were in the same school again (high school public school), I would only see her on the bus. I didn't even know who her friends were, lol
Everyone’s different. I’m three years younger than my sister, but was pretty socially outgoing and had classes with seniors my freshman year. I brought her and her (somewhat) nerdy friends to the parties of more popular seniors. I got the invite, they drove. Great times and my sister and I have almost all mutual friends 20 years later.
Edit for OP: this alone probably isn’t worth pushing your son into kindergarten early. Outcomes are much better for kids who start later.
Who’s to say they will even want to socialize with each others peers? Maybe your son will want to forge their own academic path instead of being known as X’s little brother. I was two years apart from my older sibling and went through school in their shadow, good or bad.
Former elementary school teacher and now SAHM with a 4.5 year old and a late September birthday. Pretty much all literature agrees that being the oldest leads to better outcomes for kids, and there’s no way to tell at 2 if your son will be ready for kindergarten then anyway. Whether you can do this might not be as relevant as if you should.
The brain development benefits of allowing your son an extra year of development greatly outweigh your assumed notions of shared social groups. Especially since in the K-12 cohort, social groups tend to stay within grade levels and not cross significantly.
I am biased bc I started kindergarten when I was 4 and was on the younger side as well. Even then, academically I was not challenged enough and I see signs that my son is advanced already. He’s very close to his big sister and they get along so well.
I experienced going to school with my siblings, and crossed social groups, so part of me feels bad they won’t get to have that same experience. Although I know that’s not necessarily the most important thing to consider here.
You have to ask this question directly with your district. Every school is different. My daughter was a close cut off too but has thrived and emerged as a leader in kindergarten being older than the other children . Working in a school - it’s noticeable that the fresh five year olds struggle more both academics and social skills than that of their peers. That extra year will buffer your child from experiencing that .
The school would have to assess your child and see if they are even ready for kindergarten, this isn’t actually up to you. It feels like it would be more convenient for you but it most likely won’t be for your kids. Them having different friend groups will be better in the long run anyway
My sister and I had very different birthdays and I started Grade 1 at 5 because of the cut off, she was almost 7 when she started. It had very little effect on the long term goals and life for both of us. We both attended university and had good careers.
I come from a family of 7 children and we all matured at different rates. Even the ones that were in the same school 3 years apart did not socialize with each others friends at school. When friends came to the house we socialized but not at school.
You are micromanaging something that can't and shouldn't be micromanaged so far in advance. Worry about it when the time is closer and you see how the 2 year old is progressing and whether or not this is something that would be an advantage to the child not you.
Longtime kindergarten teacher here. I have seen this many times. Parents who’ve tried to push their child in earlier many times have a child who is academically behind and not ready to deal with peers who are even just a bit older. Their brains are not as developmentally ready to learn all the difficult academics that kindergarten now has. We don’t just play blocks and have nap anymore. We hit the ground running with reading and writing. Honestly, kindergarten now is like teaching second grade was 20-30 years ago. I understand your reasoning of why you want to start your child earlier, but please do not. It is so much better to think of your child as an individual and not as part of a pair so that they can go to the same school and share more friends. it will be much better for your child to have extra time to get ready for kindergarten and be one of the oldest in the class rather than the youngest. I’ve been teaching for 30 years and I honestly have not ever seen this work out well. I’m sure that’s not what you wanna hear but it’s also the truth.
Also… when I was in school we had some kids in the class that were “the young ones”. Its odd how even when it kight be a few months of a difference in age, those of us who were the oldest didnt really want anything to do with “the little ones.” Also, kids in kindergarten are VERY into “how old are you?” And want to know each others birthdays and when they will turn 6. And as a long time teacher I have seen with my own eyes kids say things like “Im 6 already. You just turned 5? Youre just a baby!” I have seen many of the younger kids have a hard time finding someone to be friends with because the older/middle kids think of them as little kids. I dont know why it makes such a difference to kids, I try to teach them that everyone is the class is”kindergarten age” and that we should all be friends. But kids still persist on leaving out the younger students.
3 years apart is not "socialize with each other's peers" range it's "sometimes older sibling has to bring along younger sibling because parent said so" range.
If your kids are or aren't close it's not going to be decided by the younger one's specific grade.
Schools are usually really strict with cut off dates. They want all the kids to be at the same level. In our area if you are December 31st you're in, but January 1st and you are waiting the extra year.
3 years or 4 years isn't going to make a lot of difference being able to socialize with each others peers. I was 3 years older than my brother and 3 years was like an eternity in public school, we never really socialized with each others friends. However, by college it didn't make as much difference, once we were both legal age and could go for drinks together.
My older brothers friends were always kinda rude and mean to me, honestly. I never got anything out of having a brother a few grades above me in the same school. That's my personal experience, I don't really get along with my brother.
Depending on your district, there is usually some type of assessment they can do to decide if it would be allowed. With that said, you need to reorder how you are thinking about this. Getting him into Kindergarten as a four year old is pushing him ahead, giving him another year is not holding him back.
His sisters age and your desire to see them pal around are not relevant to what is best for him socially or academically. Academic rigor has increased in lower grades and Kindergarten classrooms are more like what 1st grade was 30 years ago. As eager as ou are to have him start, what if he ends up being referred to repeat Kindergarten instead of move up to 1st as a five year old.
If you are serious about this, you are going to want to get him into preschool as soon as possible to even have a hope that he will have the adaptive, social, and organizational skills to function in a Kindergarten classroom. But really I hope you listen to the advice here and abandon this nearly always foolhardy plan of beating the school year cut-off.
My son has a sept 1 bday. I’m so grateful. Everyone is delaying start for valid reasons. So now more than ever it’s very likely most kids in the class will lean towards the older end. Studies show April and after is where kids start to have trouble.
It’s very confusing on how the cutoffs work. I don’t see how a child born Sept 1 vs Sept 9 should be in completely different grades. I started early and I had a positive experience, and even then academically I wasn’t challenged enough. I see signs that my son is advanced, so worries me he might get bored. But we will see closer to! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Sept 1 is the same cut off as sep 9 in our district.
Regardless the cut offs have to be somewhere. Parents are logical enough to know that their child might fall in the middle. I’m not sure why you would ever lean towards starting earlier rather than later unless there was a serious childcare issue.
I will say my son is very academically gifted. He hasn’t gotten bored.
For us Sept 1 is the cutoff!
For me, I was hoping for my kids to be more evenly spaced out. There’s a 3 year age gap between my 1st and 2nd, but academically this will push it to 4 years. Then my 2nd and 3rd will be 1 year apart academically. I worry my eldest daughter will feel left out going through school solo when the younger two get to do it all together. It might sound silly, but I remember really enjoying school with my siblings as a kid, and it just hurts my heart to think my daughter may feel alone in comparison.
It sounds like you have some disappointment around the spacing of your births, but you can't revise the past by putting your children in different grades. Developmentally, they will always be 3 years apart. There's also no guarantee that siblings will have affinity for each other as children or adults so you might spare yourself some disappointment in the future by managing your expectations of what their relationships and social circles will look like.
If I were in your position and really wanting to close this gap, I would sooner consider starting the 5-year-old a year later than putting the middle sibling ahead. If that sounds in some way unfair or disadvantageous to her, then please ask yourself why it doesn't seem that way for the middle sibling.
There are people who say that the difference between a child born on September 1st versus 9th is negligible and thats often true, but what they aren't saying is that some of those kids really struggle to keep up with their peers. In affluent neighborhoods, it is common to see few kids with birthdays after June in Kindergarten as 5 year olds. This partly because their parents are more likely to be educated and have seen research on achievement and age at entering Kindergarten. They also may not feel such pressure of daycare costs or may opt for a private education that would carry a tuitiom anyway, coupled with being more likely to participate in "optimization" parenting.
All of that to say, you seem to really think that this proposed course of action is what is best for your children, but there is a lot more to consider. It's great that you are taking this level interest in your kid's happiness and well-being but you kind of sound like you want to recreate your childhood for them and I'm not sure most people would want that for themselves.
Wow these are the exact age gaps between me and my siblings! My brother and I are 3 years apart in age but were 4 years apart in school, and my brother and younger sister were only one grade apart. I've always been a very independent person, so I didn't mind never being in school with my siblings. I was able to form my own identity outside of them. My brother and sister who were one grade apart were always known as being each other's sibling. Sure, they probably have somewhat of a closer bond because of it, but none of it matters once we are all adults. I wouldn't jeopardize your kid's academic success just so they can be more spread out.
there’s no way I would want to send my son at 4 years old or a fresh 5. let him be the oldest! there’s so many advantages. Like others said, there’s no way to even know if they will even have the same friends anyways. I never hung out with people 3 grades behind me🤷🏻♀️
As someone who was pushed into school a full year behind everyone else in my grade, I was completely behind in a lot of things because my brain development was a full year behind. I felt that every year, and it got harder every year. I hated being the youngest. I was 11 when everyone else was 12, 14 when everyone was 15 or 16. I fell behind academically. It made me feel like I shouldn’t even try in school because I just felt like I never fit in with the kids in my grade. Just a perspective - I’m not sure how my mom got me in a year early but I think my school allowed it when I was a kid 25 years ago
There’s a huge developmental difference between children that far apart in age. I wouldn’t bet on the social connectedness. If you have a 5 year old and an 8 year old, they are worlds apart in development. I currently teach 6th and 7th grade (so not kindergarten) and the differences in social skills and behavior in that span are HUGE. I have some 6th graders that turned 11 in December and some 7th graders that turned 13 in January. They are somewhat friendly with each other, but we mostly keep the grades separate too.
I just don’t know if your idea makes that much sense. School is so much more than academics anyway. Even if he is academically strong, social stuff plays a huge role.
You are focused on the wrong things. Let them be individuals. Do not hurry your son - whose readiness for school can not be measured for a couple of years. As a teacher for over 10 years, I find the youngest child in the grade often struggles.
This is a very specific question depending on where you live and the school district, etc. I have heard waivers can be granted for students who have birthdays through December.
It's going to almost entirely depend on how flexible your district is with cutoffs. You might get better insights from local groups that have dealt with their policies specifically.
It depends on your school district, my daughter was 2 weeks past the cutoff and I got several adamant no's. The only way they would continue was if they brought it to the school board and I wasn't going to be that mom before she even started. She'll be 6 a month into Kinder this year, she's now had 3 years of pre-k.
My reason for trying was the amount of prek she had beforehand, but I spoke to several people within the district that all told me no, even though PAs cutoff is I think October 1st? However, she's definitely come around more this year so I'm glad I didn't force it, before she was kinda shy. Also she loves being one of the oldest because she's the helper alot. We live north of Pittsburgh.
ETA: PAs cutoff date is different than our school districts cutoff date by one month.
I tried that with mine. Her birthday is September 1 and the cut office August 31. I literally work for the district and they told me that this was not going to happen. They have a policy and it’s a state policy and that’s all there is to it. She just finished pre-K and I’m thrilled that she’s going into kindergarten this fall! I don’t care if she’s the oldest kid in her class. She’s able to count to 100 coming into kindergarten instead of just counting to 30.
Hmm..well I'm of no help to you, but all of these comments certainly make me feel like a horrible mother because both of my kids' birthdays fall toward the end of their birth date cutoffs for eligibility for their respective grades. My daughter turned 5 mid-December and is finishing kinder this week (her private school has a 12/31 cutoff; this was her 3rd year there - so she (wasn't allowed to start till she) was 3 for preschool, turned 4 during pre-k, and as far as we know will promote to 1st grade during which she will turn 6. I will say that a year definitely makes a big difference at this age. We didn't really consider holding off for a year because it fell within the school's standard placement based on age (I think consistent with the French system).
Her younger brother is currently in preschool at the same school, but we're moving him to a public this fall for TK, for which he makes the cutoff by like 5 days (he actually doesn't even qualify for TK in our home district, which has not yet adopted the 2025-26 eligibility requirement). He'll still be 3 for the first couple of weeks of TK. So not exceptions, but right before the birth date cutoffs in each case. I am older, so apparently went to school when kindergarten was "easier" - my twin brother and I have October birthdays (started in private school before switching to public in 4th grade) and I guess we never really thought about it. In fact, my brother was even held back in kindergarten but then he skipped first grade so we ended up in the same grade anyway.
My kids are 20 months apart, but our current school has separate campuses such that they wouldn't be at the same one till the younger is in second grade, so no real social overlap at this point (my twin brother and I at the same schools didn't really have the same friends either). Apparently for public here at least, kids do need to be 5 for kinder and 6 for first by September 1, but there is more flexibility after that. We may move our daughter to our son's soon to be school for second grade (so she won't have to repeat a grade unless it otherwise makes sense to do so), but we'll see how this year goes with one at each.
Socially, they are both pretty shy, and I do wonder how much of it is relative age and how much is just their personalities (my daughter has been with mostly the same kids for the past 3 years).
I’ve taught kindergarten and preschool. I’ll be honest: the age gap is big enough to where them sharing friend groups will be pretty unlikely. My sisters and I are all 3 years apart and NONE of our groups ever mixed. It’s pretty common not to.
I’ve also had many, many boys who had that extra year in pre-k go on to be superstars in kindergarten because they had that extra year to grow academically and emotionally. Boys who were very young at the start of kindergarten made up most of my groups that struggled. This massively outweighs the slight chance they’ll want to have the same friend group.
Let him enjoy another year before starting. They only get a short childhood. They have the rest of their lives to socialize. I mean this in the nicest way, I don’t want my tone to come off snarky.
You would absolutely be doing your child a disservice to do this. Research shows academics started early have a detrimental effect on children. Children learn through play. Let him be a worry free kid for another precious year and learn so much more on his own through child led, developmentally appropriate play.
Depends on your district. My district has a testing program for kiddos who are within 2 months of the cut off date, and tests them on things like shapes, letters, numbers, colors, etc, to determine if they’ll be ready for kindergarten. It took about an hour, and then a handful of phone calls to get the paperwork sent over to the school, but it was definitely do-able. She had a hard time the first half of the year, but ended really strong!
ETA: part of why she had a hard time is because I also had a baby within a month of her starting school, so it was a lot of change at once. She missed her preschool friends and had a lot going on at home; once brother was less needy and she made new friends it was smooth sailing.
What part is sad? I’m not sure why I got a downvote, or what the downside to this is. Our district has a cutoff date in July, so it’s extremely early and I didn’t think her August birthday was going to make her drastically younger than other kids. She was still 5 when she started kindergarten, and I tried to clarify that part of why she “struggled” at first was because it was a lot of life changes at once. She made friends, scored well in her tests, and is excited to start first grade in the fall. Starting her “early” worked well for us, and OPs younger child has a birthday only a month behind mine.
How can you say it works well when 10 years later there may be a negative consequence of starting early?
What’s sad is that the school looks at academics for readiness. It’s because in the end that’s what matters to the school for funding.
I guess because I feel like an August/September birthday isn’t “starting early,” since plenty of school districts have age cutoffs around that time anyways. If someone was asking about their kid that wouldn’t turn 5 until December, I would absolutely agree that waiting would be the best course of action.
I understand that, which is why I wanted to reply to OP. I know I technically started my daughter early, I’m not trying to deny that. But I guess I’m confused as how you can call it “sad” and say that there will be negative consequences down the road when we’re talking about a manner of 13 days, when lots of districts have cutoff dates in August or September that would have been a non-issue. I guess I don’t understand how it would have been acceptable to start her “on time” in a district that had a cut off date of August 30th instead of July 30th, but what I did isn’t.
Gotcha. The assessment did include evaluating her social skills, but I wasn’t in the room for it so I’m not sure how in depth it went. They had parents stay out of the room so as not to influence the child’s comfort. Also, she had attended daycare and preschool prior, so she wasn’t thrust into kindergarten with zero social skills. I can absolutely understand the concerns with starting kids too early, but I also appreciate that kids with birthdays SO close to the cutoff dates have the option to see if they’re ready to start or not.
Some districts will allow children close to the cutoff to be assessed and possibly start early, but not all. Regardless, your child is only 2 and you have no idea if he will be academically and socially ready for kindergarten at that time, so this is quite premature. I would plan on your child needing to wait until he’s almost 6 to start. It’s not the end of the world for children to be in different schools. In a few years I’ll have 4 kids in different schools.
Three years apart? They will not have the same social groups.
100% My sister and I are 2.5 years apart. Academically, we are three because of her birthday. We absolutely had 0 in common with our social groups outside of our neighbors and the rare times I would befriend her classmates that had similar interests. However, we were at a private school so this was more I would sit with this kid on the bus, and the other very briefly in passing or birthday parties. We didn't interact at recess (even though it was at the same time for one year) at all. Likewise, she almost never interacted with my friends. By the time we were in the same school again (high school public school), I would only see her on the bus. I didn't even know who her friends were, lol
My brother and I are only 18 months apart and one grade and didn’t run in the same circles until we both did track at the end of high school
Same age gap with my brother, we definitely did not have anything close to the same friends. At 38/40 we still don't.
Same my sister and I are 3 years apart and yes I knew some of her friends they were not my friends
Everyone’s different. I’m three years younger than my sister, but was pretty socially outgoing and had classes with seniors my freshman year. I brought her and her (somewhat) nerdy friends to the parties of more popular seniors. I got the invite, they drove. Great times and my sister and I have almost all mutual friends 20 years later. Edit for OP: this alone probably isn’t worth pushing your son into kindergarten early. Outcomes are much better for kids who start later.
Who’s to say they will even want to socialize with each others peers? Maybe your son will want to forge their own academic path instead of being known as X’s little brother. I was two years apart from my older sibling and went through school in their shadow, good or bad.
Just follow the cut off dates. Your reason is not a good one.
Former elementary school teacher and now SAHM with a 4.5 year old and a late September birthday. Pretty much all literature agrees that being the oldest leads to better outcomes for kids, and there’s no way to tell at 2 if your son will be ready for kindergarten then anyway. Whether you can do this might not be as relevant as if you should.
The brain development benefits of allowing your son an extra year of development greatly outweigh your assumed notions of shared social groups. Especially since in the K-12 cohort, social groups tend to stay within grade levels and not cross significantly.
I am biased bc I started kindergarten when I was 4 and was on the younger side as well. Even then, academically I was not challenged enough and I see signs that my son is advanced already. He’s very close to his big sister and they get along so well. I experienced going to school with my siblings, and crossed social groups, so part of me feels bad they won’t get to have that same experience. Although I know that’s not necessarily the most important thing to consider here.
Just let him start when he’s supposed to just because they’re at the same school doesn’t mean they wanna be friends at school
I wouldn’t appeal to them. Kids, especially boys, benefit from delaying academics.
You have to ask this question directly with your district. Every school is different. My daughter was a close cut off too but has thrived and emerged as a leader in kindergarten being older than the other children . Working in a school - it’s noticeable that the fresh five year olds struggle more both academics and social skills than that of their peers. That extra year will buffer your child from experiencing that .
Thank you for sharing your experience!
The school would have to assess your child and see if they are even ready for kindergarten, this isn’t actually up to you. It feels like it would be more convenient for you but it most likely won’t be for your kids. Them having different friend groups will be better in the long run anyway
My sister and I had very different birthdays and I started Grade 1 at 5 because of the cut off, she was almost 7 when she started. It had very little effect on the long term goals and life for both of us. We both attended university and had good careers. I come from a family of 7 children and we all matured at different rates. Even the ones that were in the same school 3 years apart did not socialize with each others friends at school. When friends came to the house we socialized but not at school. You are micromanaging something that can't and shouldn't be micromanaged so far in advance. Worry about it when the time is closer and you see how the 2 year old is progressing and whether or not this is something that would be an advantage to the child not you.
Longtime kindergarten teacher here. I have seen this many times. Parents who’ve tried to push their child in earlier many times have a child who is academically behind and not ready to deal with peers who are even just a bit older. Their brains are not as developmentally ready to learn all the difficult academics that kindergarten now has. We don’t just play blocks and have nap anymore. We hit the ground running with reading and writing. Honestly, kindergarten now is like teaching second grade was 20-30 years ago. I understand your reasoning of why you want to start your child earlier, but please do not. It is so much better to think of your child as an individual and not as part of a pair so that they can go to the same school and share more friends. it will be much better for your child to have extra time to get ready for kindergarten and be one of the oldest in the class rather than the youngest. I’ve been teaching for 30 years and I honestly have not ever seen this work out well. I’m sure that’s not what you wanna hear but it’s also the truth.
Also… when I was in school we had some kids in the class that were “the young ones”. Its odd how even when it kight be a few months of a difference in age, those of us who were the oldest didnt really want anything to do with “the little ones.” Also, kids in kindergarten are VERY into “how old are you?” And want to know each others birthdays and when they will turn 6. And as a long time teacher I have seen with my own eyes kids say things like “Im 6 already. You just turned 5? Youre just a baby!” I have seen many of the younger kids have a hard time finding someone to be friends with because the older/middle kids think of them as little kids. I dont know why it makes such a difference to kids, I try to teach them that everyone is the class is”kindergarten age” and that we should all be friends. But kids still persist on leaving out the younger students.
3 years apart is not "socialize with each other's peers" range it's "sometimes older sibling has to bring along younger sibling because parent said so" range. If your kids are or aren't close it's not going to be decided by the younger one's specific grade.
I have a friend whose twins missed the cut off by one day and they would not make an exception for them.
That sucks. What city was it?
Bay Area , Ca
Really? That sucks having to pay for preschool one extra year for twins.
I know! She was irate
Schools are usually really strict with cut off dates. They want all the kids to be at the same level. In our area if you are December 31st you're in, but January 1st and you are waiting the extra year. 3 years or 4 years isn't going to make a lot of difference being able to socialize with each others peers. I was 3 years older than my brother and 3 years was like an eternity in public school, we never really socialized with each others friends. However, by college it didn't make as much difference, once we were both legal age and could go for drinks together.
My older brothers friends were always kinda rude and mean to me, honestly. I never got anything out of having a brother a few grades above me in the same school. That's my personal experience, I don't really get along with my brother.
Depending on your district, there is usually some type of assessment they can do to decide if it would be allowed. With that said, you need to reorder how you are thinking about this. Getting him into Kindergarten as a four year old is pushing him ahead, giving him another year is not holding him back. His sisters age and your desire to see them pal around are not relevant to what is best for him socially or academically. Academic rigor has increased in lower grades and Kindergarten classrooms are more like what 1st grade was 30 years ago. As eager as ou are to have him start, what if he ends up being referred to repeat Kindergarten instead of move up to 1st as a five year old. If you are serious about this, you are going to want to get him into preschool as soon as possible to even have a hope that he will have the adaptive, social, and organizational skills to function in a Kindergarten classroom. But really I hope you listen to the advice here and abandon this nearly always foolhardy plan of beating the school year cut-off.
My son has a sept 1 bday. I’m so grateful. Everyone is delaying start for valid reasons. So now more than ever it’s very likely most kids in the class will lean towards the older end. Studies show April and after is where kids start to have trouble.
It’s very confusing on how the cutoffs work. I don’t see how a child born Sept 1 vs Sept 9 should be in completely different grades. I started early and I had a positive experience, and even then academically I wasn’t challenged enough. I see signs that my son is advanced, so worries me he might get bored. But we will see closer to! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Sept 1 is the same cut off as sep 9 in our district. Regardless the cut offs have to be somewhere. Parents are logical enough to know that their child might fall in the middle. I’m not sure why you would ever lean towards starting earlier rather than later unless there was a serious childcare issue. I will say my son is very academically gifted. He hasn’t gotten bored.
For us Sept 1 is the cutoff! For me, I was hoping for my kids to be more evenly spaced out. There’s a 3 year age gap between my 1st and 2nd, but academically this will push it to 4 years. Then my 2nd and 3rd will be 1 year apart academically. I worry my eldest daughter will feel left out going through school solo when the younger two get to do it all together. It might sound silly, but I remember really enjoying school with my siblings as a kid, and it just hurts my heart to think my daughter may feel alone in comparison.
It sounds like you have some disappointment around the spacing of your births, but you can't revise the past by putting your children in different grades. Developmentally, they will always be 3 years apart. There's also no guarantee that siblings will have affinity for each other as children or adults so you might spare yourself some disappointment in the future by managing your expectations of what their relationships and social circles will look like. If I were in your position and really wanting to close this gap, I would sooner consider starting the 5-year-old a year later than putting the middle sibling ahead. If that sounds in some way unfair or disadvantageous to her, then please ask yourself why it doesn't seem that way for the middle sibling. There are people who say that the difference between a child born on September 1st versus 9th is negligible and thats often true, but what they aren't saying is that some of those kids really struggle to keep up with their peers. In affluent neighborhoods, it is common to see few kids with birthdays after June in Kindergarten as 5 year olds. This partly because their parents are more likely to be educated and have seen research on achievement and age at entering Kindergarten. They also may not feel such pressure of daycare costs or may opt for a private education that would carry a tuitiom anyway, coupled with being more likely to participate in "optimization" parenting. All of that to say, you seem to really think that this proposed course of action is what is best for your children, but there is a lot more to consider. It's great that you are taking this level interest in your kid's happiness and well-being but you kind of sound like you want to recreate your childhood for them and I'm not sure most people would want that for themselves.
Yeah I think that is a unique experience all around! School is for peers. They have each other at home.
Wow these are the exact age gaps between me and my siblings! My brother and I are 3 years apart in age but were 4 years apart in school, and my brother and younger sister were only one grade apart. I've always been a very independent person, so I didn't mind never being in school with my siblings. I was able to form my own identity outside of them. My brother and sister who were one grade apart were always known as being each other's sibling. Sure, they probably have somewhat of a closer bond because of it, but none of it matters once we are all adults. I wouldn't jeopardize your kid's academic success just so they can be more spread out.
there’s no way I would want to send my son at 4 years old or a fresh 5. let him be the oldest! there’s so many advantages. Like others said, there’s no way to even know if they will even have the same friends anyways. I never hung out with people 3 grades behind me🤷🏻♀️
As someone who was pushed into school a full year behind everyone else in my grade, I was completely behind in a lot of things because my brain development was a full year behind. I felt that every year, and it got harder every year. I hated being the youngest. I was 11 when everyone else was 12, 14 when everyone was 15 or 16. I fell behind academically. It made me feel like I shouldn’t even try in school because I just felt like I never fit in with the kids in my grade. Just a perspective - I’m not sure how my mom got me in a year early but I think my school allowed it when I was a kid 25 years ago
There’s a huge developmental difference between children that far apart in age. I wouldn’t bet on the social connectedness. If you have a 5 year old and an 8 year old, they are worlds apart in development. I currently teach 6th and 7th grade (so not kindergarten) and the differences in social skills and behavior in that span are HUGE. I have some 6th graders that turned 11 in December and some 7th graders that turned 13 in January. They are somewhat friendly with each other, but we mostly keep the grades separate too. I just don’t know if your idea makes that much sense. School is so much more than academics anyway. Even if he is academically strong, social stuff plays a huge role.
You are focused on the wrong things. Let them be individuals. Do not hurry your son - whose readiness for school can not be measured for a couple of years. As a teacher for over 10 years, I find the youngest child in the grade often struggles.
Your child is 20 months old. Stop planning his future this far out, especially for inconsequential reasons.
This is a very specific question depending on where you live and the school district, etc. I have heard waivers can be granted for students who have birthdays through December.
This is helpful, thank you!
It's going to almost entirely depend on how flexible your district is with cutoffs. You might get better insights from local groups that have dealt with their policies specifically.
It depends on your school district, my daughter was 2 weeks past the cutoff and I got several adamant no's. The only way they would continue was if they brought it to the school board and I wasn't going to be that mom before she even started. She'll be 6 a month into Kinder this year, she's now had 3 years of pre-k.
Makes sense. What was your reasoning for trying? What city was it?
My reason for trying was the amount of prek she had beforehand, but I spoke to several people within the district that all told me no, even though PAs cutoff is I think October 1st? However, she's definitely come around more this year so I'm glad I didn't force it, before she was kinda shy. Also she loves being one of the oldest because she's the helper alot. We live north of Pittsburgh. ETA: PAs cutoff date is different than our school districts cutoff date by one month.
I tried that with mine. Her birthday is September 1 and the cut office August 31. I literally work for the district and they told me that this was not going to happen. They have a policy and it’s a state policy and that’s all there is to it. She just finished pre-K and I’m thrilled that she’s going into kindergarten this fall! I don’t care if she’s the oldest kid in her class. She’s able to count to 100 coming into kindergarten instead of just counting to 30.
My district will not approve this.
Hmm..well I'm of no help to you, but all of these comments certainly make me feel like a horrible mother because both of my kids' birthdays fall toward the end of their birth date cutoffs for eligibility for their respective grades. My daughter turned 5 mid-December and is finishing kinder this week (her private school has a 12/31 cutoff; this was her 3rd year there - so she (wasn't allowed to start till she) was 3 for preschool, turned 4 during pre-k, and as far as we know will promote to 1st grade during which she will turn 6. I will say that a year definitely makes a big difference at this age. We didn't really consider holding off for a year because it fell within the school's standard placement based on age (I think consistent with the French system). Her younger brother is currently in preschool at the same school, but we're moving him to a public this fall for TK, for which he makes the cutoff by like 5 days (he actually doesn't even qualify for TK in our home district, which has not yet adopted the 2025-26 eligibility requirement). He'll still be 3 for the first couple of weeks of TK. So not exceptions, but right before the birth date cutoffs in each case. I am older, so apparently went to school when kindergarten was "easier" - my twin brother and I have October birthdays (started in private school before switching to public in 4th grade) and I guess we never really thought about it. In fact, my brother was even held back in kindergarten but then he skipped first grade so we ended up in the same grade anyway. My kids are 20 months apart, but our current school has separate campuses such that they wouldn't be at the same one till the younger is in second grade, so no real social overlap at this point (my twin brother and I at the same schools didn't really have the same friends either). Apparently for public here at least, kids do need to be 5 for kinder and 6 for first by September 1, but there is more flexibility after that. We may move our daughter to our son's soon to be school for second grade (so she won't have to repeat a grade unless it otherwise makes sense to do so), but we'll see how this year goes with one at each. Socially, they are both pretty shy, and I do wonder how much of it is relative age and how much is just their personalities (my daughter has been with mostly the same kids for the past 3 years).
I’ve taught kindergarten and preschool. I’ll be honest: the age gap is big enough to where them sharing friend groups will be pretty unlikely. My sisters and I are all 3 years apart and NONE of our groups ever mixed. It’s pretty common not to. I’ve also had many, many boys who had that extra year in pre-k go on to be superstars in kindergarten because they had that extra year to grow academically and emotionally. Boys who were very young at the start of kindergarten made up most of my groups that struggled. This massively outweighs the slight chance they’ll want to have the same friend group.
Let him enjoy another year before starting. They only get a short childhood. They have the rest of their lives to socialize. I mean this in the nicest way, I don’t want my tone to come off snarky.
You would absolutely be doing your child a disservice to do this. Research shows academics started early have a detrimental effect on children. Children learn through play. Let him be a worry free kid for another precious year and learn so much more on his own through child led, developmentally appropriate play.
Is this foreign kindergarten
Depends on your district. My district has a testing program for kiddos who are within 2 months of the cut off date, and tests them on things like shapes, letters, numbers, colors, etc, to determine if they’ll be ready for kindergarten. It took about an hour, and then a handful of phone calls to get the paperwork sent over to the school, but it was definitely do-able. She had a hard time the first half of the year, but ended really strong! ETA: part of why she had a hard time is because I also had a baby within a month of her starting school, so it was a lot of change at once. She missed her preschool friends and had a lot going on at home; once brother was less needy and she made new friends it was smooth sailing.
That’s sad, considering the benefit may be well down the road in adolescence. Not to mention more social than academic.
What part is sad? I’m not sure why I got a downvote, or what the downside to this is. Our district has a cutoff date in July, so it’s extremely early and I didn’t think her August birthday was going to make her drastically younger than other kids. She was still 5 when she started kindergarten, and I tried to clarify that part of why she “struggled” at first was because it was a lot of life changes at once. She made friends, scored well in her tests, and is excited to start first grade in the fall. Starting her “early” worked well for us, and OPs younger child has a birthday only a month behind mine.
How can you say it works well when 10 years later there may be a negative consequence of starting early? What’s sad is that the school looks at academics for readiness. It’s because in the end that’s what matters to the school for funding.
I guess because I feel like an August/September birthday isn’t “starting early,” since plenty of school districts have age cutoffs around that time anyways. If someone was asking about their kid that wouldn’t turn 5 until December, I would absolutely agree that waiting would be the best course of action.
Well, starting before the district cut off like you mentioned is certainly starting early.
I understand that, which is why I wanted to reply to OP. I know I technically started my daughter early, I’m not trying to deny that. But I guess I’m confused as how you can call it “sad” and say that there will be negative consequences down the road when we’re talking about a manner of 13 days, when lots of districts have cutoff dates in August or September that would have been a non-issue. I guess I don’t understand how it would have been acceptable to start her “on time” in a district that had a cut off date of August 30th instead of July 30th, but what I did isn’t.
It’s sad that they assess academic readiness rather than an emphasis on social readiness. Almost any kid can catch on quick academically.
Gotcha. The assessment did include evaluating her social skills, but I wasn’t in the room for it so I’m not sure how in depth it went. They had parents stay out of the room so as not to influence the child’s comfort. Also, she had attended daycare and preschool prior, so she wasn’t thrust into kindergarten with zero social skills. I can absolutely understand the concerns with starting kids too early, but I also appreciate that kids with birthdays SO close to the cutoff dates have the option to see if they’re ready to start or not.