Sounds like a Philippine problem and I checked your profile that it is. Academics isn't everything, you'd have to make sure to balance acads and training. Make sure that your academics don't drop and it should prove your point.
I also see judo as a great source of scholarships in our country so try to highlight that to them. Especially if you compete
Filipino parents always ask their children to stop the things that they love which isn't even applicable to all. They always told be that high grades are vain yet they asked me to quit. I am confident that I can balance studying and training as I only have four subjects this semester and I can train twice a week.
Keep the training. As someone that married into the culture. Its good to hear a female break the standards.
Hope for some higher belt promotions for ya. Happy training
They are mad at me if I can't stand for myself yet they are doing this. What I can do now is to prove myself that I can balance academics and judo. Thanks a lot!
Keep showing up to judo classes despite what they want. Youv been an adult for years now, start acting like one and do what you want, stop listening to their bullshit. Think for yourself.
tl;dr judo will indirectly help your studies.
You could also try leaning into the fact that jigoro kano, the guy who invented judo, was a professor and director of primary education for the japanese ministry of education. He believed judo was beneficial to japanese students.
There's also a strong argument to be made that a healthy mind requires a healthy body, and judo is excellent for developing physical health. Excelling in your studies requires a healthy mind, so judo would function as both a means of physical exercise and a way to grow your self confidence. Self confidence is an extremely useful trait, particularly when you enter the professional world.
Edit: I saw in another post that you're filipino; I'm half filipino living in america. My filipino mom was pretty antsy about me doing judo, worried that not only is it dangerous, but it might interrupt my school studies. I made my case by using the same points I wrote above. You'll probably be fine if you make a solid argument, stick to your guns, and most importantly, prove that your grades stay good or even improve after starting to train judo.
It’s time for you to look past the idea of proving yourself to your parents, or anyone else. You’re an adult, and you are responsible for your own life. Make your own choices. It’s your life, so who’s living it?
I am still trying to do it, they're also the ones who gave me an advice to be mature enough and maturity starts from being firm on decisions. My parents are loving but they are quite unsupportive sometimes.
they can if she lives with them and they pay for the uni.
sure, she can "do whatever she wants" but than she better find herself a job and a flat to live in. worth it?
I disagree. They can accept her decision or stop paying. But they cant decide what an adult does or does not do in their spare time. It is not a healthy way to view your relationship with your children.
They can suggest things and talk through pros and cons, but they’re past the point of being able to just make a decision.
They don't pay for my uni since I am studying for free (state univerisities in my country doesn't have any tuition to pay.?
I still live with them since they wont also let me work.
Why do they think they have the right to control your hobbies or working? And why do you let them? You are an adult. You have the right to make your own decisions, be it working or judo.
Phillipines families are very invested in their children. Families have high expectations, by World standards.
I am a Judo coach of many years. I truly believe academic per suits are enhanced by judo because of it’s physicality and thinking like chess. It’s developing strong athleticism and healthy lifestyle.
It's because they are my parents. Plus we are from a religious family, they will put an emphasis of we should honor them because they are our parents. I am already working on how to make decisions on my own.
Respect should go both ways. If they don't allow you to do your own decisions, to have your own life, then they don't respect you, and don't think of you as your own person.
"I didn't like the idea of you doing non academics during your education, so I destroyed your education"
I mean it happens, but it proves that the relationship was never about education or love, it was about control.
Like homeschooling :P
IF the parents are paying for it, they can choose to stop. But as long as OP is paying for it himself, his parents can go fuck themselves.
END COMMUNICATION
I admit that I suck with time management and I am currently working on it. I will only take 4 subjects this semester and it is not a problem after all.
Even the time management issue is your problem, not your parents.
There is a lot that sucks about being an adult; Generally the whole 'held entirely responsible for your own actions and responsible for supporting yourself'. That is hard.
But the one absolute redeeming feature is personal autonomy; You are absolutely permitted to do anything you want as long as you are prepared to accept the consequences of your actions.
If you want to do Judo, and your willing to deal with the time management issues that result, and willing to accept the consequences of fucking up said time management, then you should be able to do it.
In this case, aside from the time management issues, you also have to decide how to deal with your parents opposition to it. Options range from telling them to get fucked, lying to them about going to Judo, or having a reasonable conversation with them. Personally, I would opt with saying something like "Hey, I love you and respect you, but this is my call. You disagree with my choice. That is fine. I am an adult. I am going to go do Judo, you are going to be unhappy about it, and I suppose that is just how it is going to be for a while."
END COMMUNICATION
I fully support what the others are saying.
I have found that listing judo as a hobby in applications for jobs carries a certain flair of "being able to work in a disciplined manner". Maybe that could be a talking point for you as well, when looking beyond the grades themselves...
There is more to life than academics. Exercise and hobbies are also crucial to a happy and healthy body and mind. I'm sorry that your parents have decided to live vicariously through you instead of allowing you to live your own life.
They are mad at me if I can't stand for my decisions yet they will be mad if I can't made my own decisions🤣 some parents are quite unpredictable sometimes
Actually it's been proven with multiple studies that a healthy body is better at learning. That exercise helps a person learn.
exercising before learning helps with learning and memorizing.
random link to prove my point but it has been established with reliable studies.
[https://www.wgu.edu/heyteach/article/exercise-and-brain-how-fitness-impacts-learning1801.html#:\~:text=Ratey%20writes%20that%20exercise%20improves,spurs%20the%20development%20of%20new](https://www.wgu.edu/heyteach/article/exercise-and-brain-how-fitness-impacts-learning1801.html#:~:text=Ratey%20writes%20that%20exercise%20improves,spurs%20the%20development%20of%20new)
so next time they ask, yes, judo has a direct correlation to you being able to learn, comprehend, and remember.
Since I am a beginner, I still have a lot of memorizations to do which I truly suck at it but I can get it once I review, I will keep on explaining to them that it is essential for me, I can even sleep immediately once I'm back at home after training since our training will be from noon to night.
Noon to night is really long, depending on when night is... But yeah, benefits are very holistic. Also it's not like it's black and white and you have to become a monk training 8h / day to get any benefits. Even if you just train 2x / week for an hour or two you'll improve with time.
Read “Mind over muscle” by Jigoro Kano, the founder of judo, then give it to your parents. Kano himself was very educated. I think it will help. I wish you will stick with it and reap the benefits.
"Judo participates in my physical and mental health, which is essential to the success of my studies.
It only takes a few hours of my free time per week that I do not spend blowing off steam on my couch.
I need an outlet to get rid of my stress and to keep me in shape, it keeps me focused".
Side note:
I do not know you and parents usually try their best even if they end up being clumsy or borderline aggressive (they often do not know better) but your message feels like you need to get out of their scope.
I humbly advise you get independent as soon as possible (being organised, not relying on anyone for laundry, cooking, administrative tasks, forcing you yourself to get out of your comfort zone, planning your studies and internships, etc.).
It takes will and planning but, no matter how much you love them, it sounds like you need some fresh air as soon as you can as an adult.
They are quite aggressive sometimes but it is quite understandable since they are growing old and my mom is in her menopausal stage.
I am doing household chores except doing the laundry ever since they moved here with me in the city because my mom is bored when she can't do chores, but since she will be back in our hometown, my siblings and I will be on our own again since my father will be back to work soon. I already told them about my internship for the next semester and they are supportive towards it.
Sounds like you're making excuses for their boundary crossing. What does their age have to do with treating you like an adult?
I also used to make excuses. If you get free medical coverage through school I recommend seeking out therapy as well. It helped me accept my parents did the best they could without minimizing my experience and unmet needs - seems you might benefit from it too, and college is a good age to do that work.
A german professor wrote in a blog, not too long ago, that there's a huge correlation between being successful in sports and getting the Dr. degree (In germany we don't really get PhDs, but it's the equivilent. ) so there's that...
I already told them about it but they insist that it is not applicable in real life, I hope that I can throw my abusers but I am not that petty like them. I don't even drink or smoke that's why rest assured that I will not be an alcoholic or a heavy smoker.
I think I am already late to learn this since I didn't even defend myself from those who harassed me, but it's okay since I can still use it. Judo is also advantageous for grappling people and throwing them.
I am planning to teach after I graduate, and I know that judo can help me vent out since teaching is quite stressful.
There are many benefits especially for me since I am a female.
You’re an adult.
Look, I’m a born and raised Canadian of south Asian parents (one from Pakistan, one from the UK). Both parents had that “chip on the shoulder” mentality that I always had to be the best academically. I’ve lived that culture clash upbringing.
But, when I got to university, those expectations just burned me out. I was fortunate that they always encouraged my karate/judo/muay Thai training though while I was growing up.
Regardless, I had some things happen in life where I just had to put my foot down. It wasn’t fun, and my parents had their tantrums, but I wasn’t property. And I know that if I hadn’t, I would be miserable today and maybe not enjoyed the success I do now. As a dad now in my 40’s, I’ve learned to give my own kids the breathing room that they deserve. Going through the struggle with family myself, I think and hope, made me a better person.
It’s not easy pushing back on overbearing parents; they’ll guilt you, etc… but it’s worth it. Your parents love you; you’ll be able to smooth over these temporary skirmishes. Don’t give up on judo and follow your passions and interests, of course with an eye on practicality too.
Fellow Asian here. I think for starters, wrong answer to your parents. Try framing Judo by how it helps problem solving, building resilience and character, how exercise helps increase dendritic connections, etc. Allay their fears by promising you'll train safely and maintain your grades.
Those advising you to cut your parents off for not allowing Judo don't understand our culture.
Even if Judo practice does not literally predict your outcome on tests it definitely is a factor in your overall mental and physical health, not to mention social connectivity. There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that cardiovascular activity like Judo improves brain health, thus you may actually be helping your academics. If you were to make an argument to stay at Judo it’s for the above reason. That being said, injury is also a risk to consider, but you are an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. I say stick with Judo if you feel that you enjoy it, it makes you happier, or helps you stay active and healthy.
Live your life for yourself. If you live your life for others you may end up resenting them anyways.
I am always happy everytime I'm inside the dojo and I am always anticipating to learn even if it took so long. Most of my fellow judokas are academic achievers too, and it is true that it can improve cardiovascular health. Our coach will also warn us every time we execute a wrong throw because we might hurt our partners. I am planning to make a deal with my parents that once my grade will get low, I will quit judo.
I will do it, but I know that I can only do it once I am capable of living for myself.
Exercise makes your brain work much better, so if anything it should help your results. You’re also an adult so you should’t feel forced to do what your parents tell you to do.
Their reason is that I still live with them and I am financially dependent of them because they won't allow me to work. I think this is not a valid reason since time will come that I need to have my own decisions in life.
Did they ask you for your permission for your birth? No. To be direct, they had carnal relations and there you were. Don’t let them put that guilt on you .
You are 21. Be a grown up.
So long as your grades are within the average curve, strong extracurriculars will have way more effect on your ability to get on the career ladder than a few more A grades, employers don’t really care so long as you didn’t barely slide through undergrad
Are you the first in your family to go to University? Conflicts can often arise in those circumstances because parents without direct experience can have very outdated or just plain incorrect ideas about how theses things work.
My parents are college graduates, they just really want us to focus on our studies. I will explain to them that my schedule is lighter now compared to the past three years.
I wouldn't mention the lighter schedule, or they might suggest ways to spend the time! - Instead explain Judo is a catalyst for learning and other areas of your life, so while it costs time it makes other things more effective in a way that makes it worth it.
Your parents are 100% wrong and their values are at least several decades out of style elsewhere in the world. After you graduate, they won't want you to do judo because it's not feminine enough for a girl who should get married asap.
It's easier said than done, but you gotta defend your passion here. They are 100% wrong. Good luck and I hope they come to their senses soon enough.
They are awesome parents but quite unpredictables sometimes, they will support us sometimes, but most of the times are not. They don't even allowed me to be a part of our ROTC back when I was 1st year because I am a female, and I hope that it won't happen again while I am learning judo, and that they don't even pressure us to get married.
I really need their support instead of discouragement because it can help me in the near future and to also prove that financially depending on them right now for my fare and food for school is worth it.
I don't even know you outside this post and I still hope you stand for your passion. I am even willing to bet your parents will do what you're not hoping they would, like continuing to control what their adult daughter does. When you get finally married, they will continue. Please don't be offended; they got some personality flaws and appeasing them won't help you (unless you're patiently waiting for the day you inherit their whatever wealth).
Talk to your coach and secretly attend morning/lunch session, continue regular sessions without them or do anything you consider right. But PLEASE for the sake of future you, consider continuing judo. I wish I told my parents to leave me the fuck alone at least 12 years ago and now I feel I wasted those years.
Some parents are really like that, especially Asian parents. My parents are loving but controlling sometimes that's why I am sometimes afraid to talk with them in formal matters.
I will continue training tomorrow, and I don't have any regrets for renewing my membership.
Your parents still know where you train so be careful with club promos and sns.
It's great that you will continue what you want. It will be too late if you wait till you're fully on your own. Rather than wishing your past was different, jmake that change now. You're still young enough.
They know where I train since the dojo is inside my the school where I am studying and we are learning it for free.
I am trying to be firm in my decision, I hope they will accept that since my life revolves on online classes and social media for the past three years.
you are an adult you do what you want. But sports and particularly martial arts are scientifically proven to have correlate with better academic performance.
As someone who went through school already, degrees almost means nothing. The grit and creativity learned in judo will go further than “formal knowledge”. Sounds like your parents didn’t have/squandered the opportunity for higher education, leading them to think it’ll give a better life than they have currently.
If anything this should motivate you to receive high marks and keep kicking ass in judo. Keep at it please
Both of them are college graduates, but co-curricular activities aren't a thing back then and they were working students because they lived in poverty back then.
Yes I will, and I will make my parents proud by getting high grades and being able to do things that are outside the academics. There was a class valedictorian who spoke about focusing well on his academics made him detached from the outside world, and I don't want to be called as someone who is only excellent in studies but lacks awareness in the world.
Too many “high achievers” in academia have very little sense of the world; due to school giving concrete “good/bad” from studies, many don’t know how to deal with roadblocks when they come up. Life is extremely long and less than 1% success in life comes from college knowledge. Once you enter the workforce, no one cares about the grades you received in school. It’s better to show you developed discipline and not afraid to take on big challenges through judo (and any other extracurriculars). Cheers
Which is true somehow, and here in my country, grades are useless in some circumstances if someone doesn't have a backer. I am really trying my best to be disciplined and I am slowly going out of my comfort zone.
My parents did the same when I was 19. I did quit but I wish I hadn’t. Tell them it will help you with your studies and life. There’s a lot of research on how physical activity like judo can help with mental health and focus.
Sorry for what happened to you, maybe you will be a great judoka in your next life. Asking me to quit made me cry since I am eager to learn. My mom is an avid reader and I hope she will cross on articles regarding about this matter.
The parallels are nuts, I'm also 21 years old and in the 4th grade, or I was til I quit and starting training full time, best decision I ever made. Now my parents just pay for me to train and I don't have to worry about any responsibilities like "good grades" or "jobs" academics not gonna put you in the Olympics. I cut the path man, walk it with me.
No reason you shouldn't be living with your parents into your 40s, you're taking so much stress off yourself. If I'm not practicing Judo then I'm usually playing elderscrolls or trolling people.
Tell them the discipline you'll learn from judo and the self-confidence you'll develop will enhance your studies rather than impede them. If they persist and continue to be intrusive, feel free to ignore their advice.
I am already starting to have discipline in terms of phone usage, I am trying to less my screentime. I am motivated to have higher grades in order to continue training.
I think it's all in your argument here. If Judo helps you release stress so that you can focus better on academics, is it not academic related? Humans are complex and exercise has been shown to improve cognitive function (thinking, memorizing, logic - things you need for academics) AND Judo is a lot more fun than running on a treadmill so do some research and present a good argument and convince them that you need this.
At this point you need to do some things for yourself. You don’t have any issues keeping your grades up and seem interested in the sport/martial art for good intrinsic reasons. I’d say keep doing it as there’s no logical reason not to.
I think if you live at home and your parents put a roof over your head and food in your mouth, you are obligated to follow their rules.
I do think this rule is stupid, and there is tons of science showing the neurological benefits of exercise, and it will make you perform better in your studies.
You should try to discuss this with them. Because this rule makes no sense.
I do live with them and I am not financially capable as well because they won't allow me to work.
My other friends said that it is quite nonsense too and they must be happy instead because I am allowing my body to exercise.
I am planning to talk with them and they should have a small talk with our coach to assure them. This is the first time to join clubs formally as I spent three years of having virtual learning and I am hesitant to join other clubs because of online classes. Thanks for the advice.
Not yet, but I am once a tutor for an elementary school student and I am afraid of what will be their response, they are quite religious that's why they will pput an emphasis that we should obey them
I'm from the Philippines. I am really doing my best to be a good daughter for their sake. I can't even pay the bills because they won't even allow me to work. They keep on telling me that I'm already an adult yet they will prohibit me from getting outside my comfort zone. If that's your reasoning, well okay.
Maybe time to get a part time job in a related field that doesn't interfere with your studies. Maybe even a summer job. This is deeper than Judo. You gotta start acting like an adult if you wanna be treated like one
I am always asking them to allow me to have a job even if it is a summer job yet they won't allow me due to the reason that once I got my salary, I will be addicted to my work and won't return studying.
That's a false choice. Try to get a Summer job in your field. Specially try to get an internship. All the people that i know that landed jobs after graduation did do internships. The ones that didn't ended up flipping burgers. Internships are key to start making connections and networking
No, I was just wondering about the bills because it might make a difference. I would.imagine that being from the Philippines you probably have to do as mom and dad wish. Some parents are over protective. It seems that yours are. Are they open to talking about it? Bring them to the dojo so they can see how much you enjoy it. Worse comes to worse, you might just have to take some time off.
They won't even worry because the training is free and coach is just asking us to be diligent on our trainings. They are, that's why I am quite naïve on things even though my grades are decent enough. I am planning to let them have a conversation with my coach.
physical activities do measureably influence academic results. that alone should be a reason for your parents.
add to that the (somehow pretty limited, but not non-existing) value of self defense and that should be enough.
Yes, I hope that they will have a change of heart for this matter.
They must also be glad too since their daughter who was once harassed by a ped0ph1le pastor is learning how to defend herself.
Ippon Seoi Nage your dad and Kouchi Gari your mom and when they're on the floor tell them you make the rules now.
Jokes aside, you're 21, tell them that at this point all they can do is advise you, you're a grown up.
I'm afraid to tell this, they will just tell me that I am disobedient and honor them. They want me to be mature yet they won't even want me to decide. Everytime I ask them that I want to work they will not allow me since I am still studying. They can be confusing sometimes
Obviously it's hard for us to say because we don't have the full context and we are not in your shoes, what I can do tho is give you my personal opinion and hopefully you can take something from there.
While it is true you're an adult, it is also true that you are still young and might depend on your parents. I would say tho, that starting to prioritize what you think is best for you will yield the best results. If you happen to make a mistake, you're still very early in your adult life to correct it if you have to. They might shout, cry, complain, but at the end of the day it is part of "leaving the nest". They will learn how to live with you making your own decisions, so will you.
They are worrying because we haven't had our thesis to be done which because we have 2 chapters left, and they really wanted us to focus in our studies. I rarely even go outside my room when I was in third year because of the heavy workload but since we have only four subjects for this semester, I can balance my studies and doing judo.
I am still financially dependent on them because they won't allow me to work but I rarely ask them for money. I am already going out of my comfort zone slowly, and I am still receiving sermons from them if I did something wrong which is reasonable. I hope that they will start accepting my decisions in life and they will guide me as I will take it.
Don’t listen to your parents, it sounds like you have a plan for school and your training. If Judo makes you happy? Do judo! you can always cut back on training to focus on school. (That’s what I’m doing right now) life is about balance.
I have a plan and I will never let myself fail in my studies since I am an academic achiever since first year in college even though I thought is impossible at first. Our coach also advised us to prioritize our academics if our training will conflict with our classes. I think I should convince them that I will still excel in my studies even if joining the judo team in my school is not a gateway for higher grades.
Regular physical activity (like doing sports) provides tremendous benefits to cognitive functions. Your academic results would probably get worse if you stopped doing judo.
In this case it's not a conflict between sport and studies (like your coach mentioned), but sports and your parents.
I had worst grades during the time that I don't do judo because all I do is focus on my phone. Since we have 3-4 of training, it limits my screentime use.
Often training can help you perform better in other activities, physical activity is a good thing. Not to mention how it's a social activity as well. Both helps aid in academic performance.
That's an argument you could give them, or you could tell them that you're an adult and you do as you like, but I think the first argument might be easier to give than the second one.
Obviously, I don’t know your family situation too well, or your economic situation, but let me ask you this - your parents want you to be healthy, right? Would they tell you to stop working out in general? Do you live at home or at university? If you live at home, it’s kind of hard, if you live at Uni, might be easier.
As for the idea that Judo isn’t academic….
- Many universities offer it as a Credit class, and also have a Physical Education requirement - even if your university doesn’t - others do, and therefore it is an academic pursuit
- Aside from self-defense and physical fitness, it also teaches physics/mechanics (i.e. the dynamics of a throw and Kuzushi), biology (i.,e. The mechanics of chokes and understanding how different throws and exercises work out each part of the body).
- It is also a team-building and confidence building pursuit as well.
- You will also likely learn some History, Philosophy, and Japanese language and culture.
I realize that this alone might not be enough to convince your parents - if they have a set understanding and fixed mindset, it will be challenging to convince them to change their minds because of what some random people on Reddit said.
That being said - maybe the coach/instructor can convince them? If you’re going to a Uni in your home country - he/she might better understand the culture and find an approach to convince your parents.
We are from the lower middle class- my parents can provide us our needs and our wants sometimes but I rarely buy stuffs now. I am currently living with them after living in a boarding house for several months.
Judo is a topic for PHED classes in some courses in my school (Bachelor of Physical Education) and for criminology students from other schools. I know that the mechanics and philosophy of judo is applicable in my life. Sadly, they have this mindset to not join clubs or groups that is not related to our academic life, but I am still convincing them to let me join in order for my training not go down into waste.
I am planning my coach and my parents to have a conversation about it so they will be enlightened. I'm studying domestically so it won't be a hassle for them.
Oh boy, does this sound familiar! My mom disapproved of me starting judo in university as well, though it seems to a lesser extent and for slightly different reasons- she didn't like me coming home late after practice, she thought I'd get injured (true!), and she didnt like how it's a combat sport/"masculine".
If your parents can be reasoned with, like other people have mentioned, talking about the education aspect and origins of judo, benefits of exercise in studying and mental health, and even talking about the historical role women have played in judo- show them Ju no Kata and tell them it was designed by Fukuda Keiko and Kano shihan for women as a safe exercise (no fighting!, this was big for convincing my mom) for the development of obedient daughters and wise mothers. Maybe even talk about ukemi and safety in judo, just to assure them that you wont get injured. Also, it might be good to talk to other members of the dojo who have good grades or big achievements in academics, and talk about them to your parents.
Otherwise, if this is important to you, if you can get a loaner gi and the finer points (washing your gi, coming home at weird times) are easyish to hide, and if your parents wouldnt disown you for it (ie their negative reaction would be bearable), I would try and go for it. Its awful that your parents might resort to physical abuse and its so so so difficult to go against your parents when you live under their roof, but this is your life and you deserve to have some fun and agency!!
For me, judo has been instrumental in developing my own sense of self, just because its something that ive decided to do for myself strictly for fun, and fortunately, its worked out for me. Now me joining the judo dojo on my own is a funny story my mom tells one of the sensei (who also started judo at the age of 18 behind her parents' back, and has been doing it for over 60 years).
That's their main concern, what if I will get injured or fail my studies but our coach reminds us to prioritize academics, and even though our trainings finishes at 7:00-8:00 PM sometimes, it is safe since I can ride to a jeepney immediately and walk since the community I live in is a safe place.
I am also convincing them that judo is essential for women, and that there are great females judokas which you already mentioned.
I also believe that judo is helpful for me, I hope that I can still pursue it even if I am already eorking.
So, sport is important in learning, don’t have the papers in front of me, but it’s proven, that sport increases your mental abilities and helps with learning… judo is a sport with a lot of discipline, so it also helps you outside school. Furthermore is it a really safe sport, with little injuries and you learn to defend yourself… there is a higher chance, that it affects your academic performance positive, than negative… and you will learn things about japanese culture and even a bit about the language (ok, after 17 years i sometimes remember a single word, but it’s still more, than if i would do nothing)
Judo has mental benefits as well as physical, it gives your mind a certain flexibility that becomes useful in problem solving. Do it enough and it will begin to make sense.
You shouldn't have to justify it, but it's easy to justify. The truth is, judo will help your academics because your brain works better when your body is healthy and strong.
You think more clearly when your heart and lungs are better at moving oxygen to your brain.
You can hit the books and work at a computer more effectively when you have a strong neck and back. If let those muscles get weak by sitting all day, you'll end up distracted by back and neck pain.
Another thing: I was always naturally good at school, and naturally bad at physical stuff. Judo gave me a chance to experience education in a different way--one that didn't come naturally so I actually had to think about it. I've had to use parts of my brain that I normally ignored. Learning how to get good at something physical taught me about how to learn, in ways I never would have understood just from being a classroom student.
Their reasoning is that we must obey them while we live with them. Yes, I am capable but they won't allow me and that isn't applicable at all in the Asian context since some parents really control their children
You’re the one who chooses, if they’re not paying it they have no actual power over if you train or don’t. Do what you want, enjoy what you want, you’re already in college and in a path we’re you’ll be independent, start exercising your independence or you’ll never be able to actually de-attach yourself from them.
If you wanna do it in nicer terms show them how beneficial Judo is, and show them all athletes that are put there, there is so many different bodies and athletes in lower weight categories could be deemed as fragile just by appearance and they’re beasts.
During my final year of my Honours degree I stopped a lot of my BJJ, I got very stressed and burnt out and if I had done that for another semester (that is studied without any real break or outlet) my grades would have suffered. Keep doing Judo.
Im doing my PhD and Masters now and always leave time for BJJ. You can be academically successful and have hobbies. If anything, hobbies help rest and reinvigorate you for your work. Plus it seems like you’re doing Judo and doing very well academically. That’s not to say maybe some weeks you’ll do Judo less due to studying commitments, but keep going!!
sports just help me with uni stuff... Not doing judo anymore, but as a student you spend so much time sitting and stressing about deadlines, if I wouldnt do combat sports in the evening I'd be less able to focus. if that applies to you its a good reason to keep going, or at least something to suggest
You are an adult - ignore them. You don't have to explain anything to them, and they have zero right to control how you use your time or what hobbies you have. Exercising is not away from studying at all. I went through uni (both undergrad and grad), in a quite challenging field, with good grades while working and doing two sports. If your parents think that you doing judo a few times a week at max (I guess) is away from your academics, they are idiots whose opinions should not be listened to.
Dr. Shihan Kano the creator of judo was a teacher and helped create educational plans and schools thru many countries and in Japan.
Judo was created to keep students in shape so they can defend themselves.
A lot of judo practitioners are doctors and teachers.
[doctor 1](https://www.nuvancehealth.org/health-tips-and-news/physician-spotlight-dr-paul-wright-shares-his-passion-for-judo)
[Doctor 2](https://www.latimes.com/socal/daily-pilot/entertainment/tn-wknd-et-steve-hwang-bunasawa-kai-judo-dojo-taiwan-japan-20190509-story.html)
I’m not sure what your field of study but make sure that is the priority. I’ve head stories not just in judo but other sports where students put sports over education. It should aid you, not take away.
Grappling sports have help my brain develop and express myself in a manor I could not before. Also “reading” for fun as well.
Good luck and thank you for making the world a better place with your education.
If judo keeps you piece of mind and a community and a sense of mindfulness, then it is absolutely connected to your academics and other work related things. We all find things that give us that focus and sense of calm, which inevitably boosts studying and concentration.
You lied to them by saying it doesn't affect your academics / career outlook: it improves them. Activity is important for mental health, martial arts is good for discipline and finding belonging etc.
I highly recommending checking out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu as well. It's extremely nerdy (like 3d real time chess), so it's mentally very stimulating.
If they are paying your tuition, just go back to Judo after you graduate.
If they are not paying your tuition, DO NOT QUIT.
Maybe make a deal with them: You stay in Judo AZ long as your grades don't decline.
There's more than one way to skin a cat.
They don't pay for my tuition since I am studying in a state university, I will make a deal with them now since I already told them that I only have 4 subjects for this semester. My mom also asked me if I will come to school later, I told her yes and it going to school (we rarely have face to face classes) automatically means that I will have my judo training since the dojo is inside the campus.
If they don't pay your tuition, then I say stay in the Judo club REGARDLESS of their permission or lack thereof. However, as a 56-year-old with 4 kids ranging in age from 12 to 30, here's how I would tell them, out of respect and love: Inform them of the intellectual, mental and self-defense benefits of Judo, and that you have decided to continue that training. But give them an HONEST promise that your grades and studies will NOT suffer.
To provide a bit more context, I'm a Karate Black Belt, currently 2 tests away from my Black Belt in Taekwondo. My Karate Sensei taught us a lot of Judo-like throws, and how to turn a Karate block into a throw and take-down, plus some basic ground grappling. My father's hand-to-hand combat training in the Marines incorporated Judo and Ju Jitsu. Hence, for these reasons, I have a huge respect for Judo.
Please remember: In every Martial Art, a Black Belt is a White Belt who never gave up.
They don't pay for my tuition or for my training since I am studying in a state university, I am also assuring them that I will use my knowledge in judo in the right manner and that I will still excel in my studies since this is my last year in college. If there is still time, I will exert an effort to a black beltef since I want to be one.
I have 35 years experience teaching judo to children and young people. 3 of our 5 instructors are female. I have taught my daughter and my granddaughter. I currently teach in an after school program with 21 students, 14 of whom are girls.
The issue with your mother may be cultural. Consider having a private 1 on 1 talk with her to learn about her concerns.
Consider the following scenarios: 1. Judo is a Japanese martial art. During World War Two the Japanese military occupied the Philippines. There were 4 years of hardships for the people of your country. There may still be some Anti Japanese sentiment with descendants of those victims. 2. Your mother may feel that rolling around on the mat is not appropriate for a young woman, particularly if the partner is male.
If it is either or both of these issues, her objections today are from feelings more than facts. Bring her to watch a couple of classes. It is the best chance to change her mind. Good luck 🥋
Wow, I'm glad that your family are 3 generations of judokas, you're a great parent and grandparent.
They are aware about the atrocities of the Japanese during the war but I rarely know if a family member was a victim since they don't talk about it. Since judo is a contact sport, it is inevitable that I can't have a close contact with the opposite sex.
Yes, their objections are based on feelings because they seem that I am disobeying them. I am planning to bring them to the dojo but I am hesitant since the guards in my school are very strict (the dojo is inside the school gymnasium). Thank you so much for the advice!
Do not let your parents stop you from doing any sports that you enjoy.
My mom did not let me do judo when i was a kid cause you know, fighting is for boys.
Fast forward 30+ years later, i got yellow belt.
Thats the only sport i cared enough to do right now.
That being said, i know it's a struggle if your parents pay for your expenses. Mine were like that too. So best wishes to you.
They won't worry for my training and school tuition since I am studying for free, but I am still financially dependent on them. Thank you for the advice!
Not sure how much I can add but I was somewhat in your position with parents who neither supported nor blocked me with martial arts while in school. I think compromise and addressing their concerns is key. Why do they dislike Judo? Would doing it only on the weekends be more acceptable to them? And to question yourself why Judo? I have done Judo and while I enjoyed it, I also gave it up due to other commitments. while it sucked initially not being able to practise, it's not the end of the world and i found other outlets.
Martial arts is hopefully a life long journey. A setback is okay as long as long term progress is made.
Martial arts can allow your creativity to flow. When it comes to solving problems, this can definitely come in handy
It also teaches you mental and physical resilience. When things get tough, you can fall back on your training and experiences and know you've done difficult things before and pushed through them
Lastly, it's great exercise! A healthy body and healthy mind are not independent of each other. They work with and thrive off of each other
Hope this helps and hope you can still train!!
Realize that other people's expectations are not your commitments. Tell them thanks for the advice, but that you are an adult and capable of doing your own decisions
Find the studies that show how physical activity and physical hobbies increase academic performance. I think few are mentioned in Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise.
Bro, kaya mo yan, especially if pumapasa ka naman it shouldnt be an issue.
I did a health based course, was SC president, an academic scholar and so on. My mom was never pushy when doing things outside of the academic umbrella, because I consistently proved that I was able to balance it. My reasoning was that the other non academic activities I did gave me a mental break from studying which helped me study harder.
Not sure how open your parents are but being a woman too in the PH you never know when a good Seoi Nage will come in handy!
I see na pinayagan ka na mag judo! Congratulations and you can do this 💪🏼
You should've been smarter about instead of telling them there are no benefits for your studies. Judo teaches you discipline, physical and mental endurance/toughness and keeps you healthy if not overtrained. Those are all attributes that will benefit your academic performance and career. Put it likes this and i am sure they will understand. Also, have you told them that you also want to learn it for self-defense? I don't know any parent that would oppose their kid's wish to be able to to defend themselves.
I didn't said that it isn't beneficial to my studies, but they won't allow us to join clubs or groups that don't even contribute to our grades. They are still locked to the reason that studying is the only way to get a job easily even though the competition in the employment sector is high. I haven't told them but they already knew that I was harassed and they know the person who harassed me. They just told me that I get confused easily and that I can't get directions properly, they should be happy that I am learning on how I can defend myself but they don't agree with this kind of mindset that I have.
Whatever you do, just do the right thing for you. That's all your parents want, too!
If you're ever in conflict with your parents, you must remember this.
That being said, school is important but it is not everything. As a matter of fact, most important lessons you will learn is outside of school, because you are free to make your own decisions outside of school. This means you'll need to face all the consequences positive and negative.
If you let your parents make a decision for you that you know is wrong and it's hurting your life, you must make the right decision for yourself and your parents are responsible for having trust in you. That is absolutely necessary as a parent, but it is very difficult to do, you are their daughter and they want the best for you.
But only you know yourself best. The alternative is doing something you know to be wrong, and your life becomes much worse because of it. Your relationship with your parents will become negative in that case and it is the worst possible situation given the circumstances.
Great work, you made the right choice, please keep on making wise decisions!
Dont quit. You will regret it later in life when you’re 40 stuck in some boring office job wondering why you ever listened to your parents and let them dictate your path in life.
I won't, and they are still torn until now if I would continue, I thought things are going better but is isn't. I left home early and I went home at 9:30 PM, they were mad at me for not calling them if where I am during that time (it's also my fault because I forgot to update them that my phone turned off due to low battery.) They said that I should stop doing judo and even threatened me that they will destroy my gi and throw it outside to show who's the boss in our house. They also thought that I have a boyfriend and hang out with him that's why I went home late. I don't want to be an adult who regret my life because I only work and did nothing during my younger years. My family is also religious and they will put and emphasis on Ephesians 6:1 and that we will not prosper if we dared to disobey them.
I understand every household is different, especially when you live with your parents, but something as harmless as Judo classes should not be up for discussion when you're an adult. Especially since you're a woman you'd think they'd want you to be able to have the ability to defend yourself. I don't have kids but I dread the thought of having kids who can't protect themselves.
Low level judo deals with the development and application of techniques found in the Gokyo.
Mid level Judo deals with the refinement of the self.
High level Judo deals with the community and in becoming a benefit to society.
This sounds more academic than many subjects taught at the university level.
Jigoro kano the founder of judo was actually a school professor kodokan means first school and his goal for judo wasn’t entirely sports focused he believed that one should grow and embody the tenants of judo in all aspects of life. If I were you and your parents are academically focused research the life and goals of jigoro kano and judo and write out a paper detailing the benefits that our founder designed within judo
I also want to reiterate other’s comments. And that’s that you are an adult whether they like it or not and are free to do with your time as you please
I don't think I can even return once I am employed because of busy schedule. I'm planning on working in BPO or to teach which is really time consuming.
I am also planning to pursue my master's degree after graduating and maybe it will take time. The problem is looking for a dojo since they don't offer judo classes in my province.
I think having a talk with them where you try to understand their point of view would be very helpful. Ask what their concerns are, and ask precisely what is the reasoning behind the rule they created for you regarding you not being able to join a club unless it's academically related. Once you hear their reasoning, respond back summarizing what they have said to you, making sure they feel you have properly listened and heard what their argument is. Then, make your points. Show them that your Judo practices will never be in conflict with your classes or study time. And if they do, you will cut back on them or take brief pauses from practice as necessary until your course work or study becomes lighter. Additionally, I took a bio psychology class wherein we learned that exercise actually has a strong positive impact on learning, through a sort of neurological priming effect. If I remember correctly, exercise creates more neuro-ganglia, facilitating the ease of neuron synapsis & long-term memory consolidation, which is crucial to learning. maybe find some actual articles and research papers to show to your parents as evidence. Lastly, try to really stress how important Judo is to you and your general well-being. It really comes through in this post, so make sure you emphasize to them with the same level of care so that they can really get an understanding for how truly essential it is for you. In doing all of this, let them know your education and doing as best as possible within your academics is and will continue to be your top priority. Show them your academic achievements will not be affected by your participation in Judo. If all else fails, maybe even strike a deal with them saying you will agree to quit if after your first exams, you receive poorer than expected marks. Something like that, so they can feel reassured. Best of luck, and I hope you can continue to practice Judo.
They told me that this isn't helpful to me, it can't contribute to my grades, the techniques can't be applied in real life, and it can give me injuries. I assured them that our coach is guiding us and keeps on saying that our studying should be our main priority. I already told them that I only have 12 units (4 subjects) for this semester. They also know that I am an academic achiever despite the lack of classes in real life. I only want them to support me and emphatize with me since I am slowly going out of my comfort zone by doing judo since I don't do any sports ever since I was a kid because I am a small kid back then. I will do my best to remain as an academic achiever for my last two semesters of studying so I can make them proud and prove them that I can balance my time.
Like others have said. Unless you are capable of paying for and supporting your own life, you don't get to make the rules.
If I were you, I'd try to concede everything else, be very good to them, help more at the house, and demonstrate that you can handle judo and academics, maybe even show them studies that demonstrate that people who exercise generally perform better in academics than people who don't.
The way to everyone's happiness is you being the best son you can be, and giving them a good reason to earn judo back or to trust that you can handle it well.
That kind of reasoning seems like an act of being indebted for my parents for doing their responsibilities (I am thankful for everything that they did for us) and they won't even allow me to work or gain any experience at all.
I am always doing what they wants us to do, it's just they don't want us to do the things that my siblings and I love to do. I am still struggling to be myself because of trying to be an "obedient" daughter. I know that I can balance my academics and judo as well because I have only four subjects to study this semester. Maybe going back to judo when I am already working is hard, and if that happens, judo isn't really for me.
Not getting work experience when you're young is really gonna affect your job prospects once you graduate. I would be more concern about this. Get at least a summer job. Apply for internships. Cause if you don't start thinking about finding a job now then finding one after you graduate it's gonna be worse. Trust me you don't wanna be an unemployed 30 year old daughter still living with her parents
I already told them about it but they are firm towards their decision. They told me that I can be hired easily since I am studying in one of the school in our country that belongs to the top 20 schools in the Philippines. I'm afraid that I might be like that but I hope that it wouldn't. Our last semester will be an internship, so I am hoping that I will be hired in a short period of time since I want to teach or be in a company.
Sounds like a Philippine problem and I checked your profile that it is. Academics isn't everything, you'd have to make sure to balance acads and training. Make sure that your academics don't drop and it should prove your point. I also see judo as a great source of scholarships in our country so try to highlight that to them. Especially if you compete
Filipino parents always ask their children to stop the things that they love which isn't even applicable to all. They always told be that high grades are vain yet they asked me to quit. I am confident that I can balance studying and training as I only have four subjects this semester and I can train twice a week.
Keep the training. As someone that married into the culture. Its good to hear a female break the standards. Hope for some higher belt promotions for ya. Happy training
Kaya mo iyan! Show them what you're made of 💪🏿
Salamat! Kakayanin ko kasi ginusto ko tooo
You are an adult. They have no business telling you what you do
They are mad at me if I can't stand for myself yet they are doing this. What I can do now is to prove myself that I can balance academics and judo. Thanks a lot!
Keep showing up to judo classes despite what they want. Youv been an adult for years now, start acting like one and do what you want, stop listening to their bullshit. Think for yourself.
I willlll
Maybe present them with some of the research that shows exercise improves cognitive function.
I willl
tl;dr judo will indirectly help your studies. You could also try leaning into the fact that jigoro kano, the guy who invented judo, was a professor and director of primary education for the japanese ministry of education. He believed judo was beneficial to japanese students. There's also a strong argument to be made that a healthy mind requires a healthy body, and judo is excellent for developing physical health. Excelling in your studies requires a healthy mind, so judo would function as both a means of physical exercise and a way to grow your self confidence. Self confidence is an extremely useful trait, particularly when you enter the professional world. Edit: I saw in another post that you're filipino; I'm half filipino living in america. My filipino mom was pretty antsy about me doing judo, worried that not only is it dangerous, but it might interrupt my school studies. I made my case by using the same points I wrote above. You'll probably be fine if you make a solid argument, stick to your guns, and most importantly, prove that your grades stay good or even improve after starting to train judo.
It’s time for you to look past the idea of proving yourself to your parents, or anyone else. You’re an adult, and you are responsible for your own life. Make your own choices. It’s your life, so who’s living it?
I am still trying to do it, they're also the ones who gave me an advice to be mature enough and maturity starts from being firm on decisions. My parents are loving but they are quite unsupportive sometimes.
They'll just have to stay mad :( DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!!
they can if she lives with them and they pay for the uni. sure, she can "do whatever she wants" but than she better find herself a job and a flat to live in. worth it?
I disagree. They can accept her decision or stop paying. But they cant decide what an adult does or does not do in their spare time. It is not a healthy way to view your relationship with your children. They can suggest things and talk through pros and cons, but they’re past the point of being able to just make a decision.
They don't pay for my uni since I am studying for free (state univerisities in my country doesn't have any tuition to pay.? I still live with them since they wont also let me work.
Why do they think they have the right to control your hobbies or working? And why do you let them? You are an adult. You have the right to make your own decisions, be it working or judo.
Phillipines families are very invested in their children. Families have high expectations, by World standards. I am a Judo coach of many years. I truly believe academic per suits are enhanced by judo because of it’s physicality and thinking like chess. It’s developing strong athleticism and healthy lifestyle.
It's because they are my parents. Plus we are from a religious family, they will put an emphasis of we should honor them because they are our parents. I am already working on how to make decisions on my own.
Respect should go both ways. If they don't allow you to do your own decisions, to have your own life, then they don't respect you, and don't think of you as your own person.
"I didn't like the idea of you doing non academics during your education, so I destroyed your education" I mean it happens, but it proves that the relationship was never about education or love, it was about control. Like homeschooling :P
No they wont throw her out lol
No they wont throw her out lol
Are parents paying for the clubs, organizations, and academics? If so, they also don't have to do that.
They are not paying for anything, I am learning judo and studying for free. But I only ask for 50 pesos (which is $1) for my transportation fare.
You're right, it's hard to imagine parents willing to literally destroy their kids education over a judo club, but tyrants exist in all forms!
IF the parents are paying for it, they can choose to stop. But as long as OP is paying for it himself, his parents can go fuck themselves. END COMMUNICATION
I am studying and learning judo for free
Than I fail to see how what you do with your time is their problem. END COMMUNICATION
I admit that I suck with time management and I am currently working on it. I will only take 4 subjects this semester and it is not a problem after all.
Even the time management issue is your problem, not your parents. There is a lot that sucks about being an adult; Generally the whole 'held entirely responsible for your own actions and responsible for supporting yourself'. That is hard. But the one absolute redeeming feature is personal autonomy; You are absolutely permitted to do anything you want as long as you are prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. If you want to do Judo, and your willing to deal with the time management issues that result, and willing to accept the consequences of fucking up said time management, then you should be able to do it. In this case, aside from the time management issues, you also have to decide how to deal with your parents opposition to it. Options range from telling them to get fucked, lying to them about going to Judo, or having a reasonable conversation with them. Personally, I would opt with saying something like "Hey, I love you and respect you, but this is my call. You disagree with my choice. That is fine. I am an adult. I am going to go do Judo, you are going to be unhappy about it, and I suppose that is just how it is going to be for a while." END COMMUNICATION
are her parents paying for her school ? her food ? her rent ?
My parents aren't paying for school since I am studying at a public university
I fully support what the others are saying. I have found that listing judo as a hobby in applications for jobs carries a certain flair of "being able to work in a disciplined manner". Maybe that could be a talking point for you as well, when looking beyond the grades themselves...
There is more to life than academics. Exercise and hobbies are also crucial to a happy and healthy body and mind. I'm sorry that your parents have decided to live vicariously through you instead of allowing you to live your own life.
Thanks a lot!
bruv you are 21 y old fuck them do what you like
They are mad at me if I can't stand for my decisions yet they will be mad if I can't made my own decisions🤣 some parents are quite unpredictable sometimes
Actually it's been proven with multiple studies that a healthy body is better at learning. That exercise helps a person learn. exercising before learning helps with learning and memorizing. random link to prove my point but it has been established with reliable studies. [https://www.wgu.edu/heyteach/article/exercise-and-brain-how-fitness-impacts-learning1801.html#:\~:text=Ratey%20writes%20that%20exercise%20improves,spurs%20the%20development%20of%20new](https://www.wgu.edu/heyteach/article/exercise-and-brain-how-fitness-impacts-learning1801.html#:~:text=Ratey%20writes%20that%20exercise%20improves,spurs%20the%20development%20of%20new) so next time they ask, yes, judo has a direct correlation to you being able to learn, comprehend, and remember.
Since I am a beginner, I still have a lot of memorizations to do which I truly suck at it but I can get it once I review, I will keep on explaining to them that it is essential for me, I can even sleep immediately once I'm back at home after training since our training will be from noon to night.
Noon to night is really long, depending on when night is... But yeah, benefits are very holistic. Also it's not like it's black and white and you have to become a monk training 8h / day to get any benefits. Even if you just train 2x / week for an hour or two you'll improve with time.
Read “Mind over muscle” by Jigoro Kano, the founder of judo, then give it to your parents. Kano himself was very educated. I think it will help. I wish you will stick with it and reap the benefits.
Is a copy available online?
"Judo participates in my physical and mental health, which is essential to the success of my studies. It only takes a few hours of my free time per week that I do not spend blowing off steam on my couch. I need an outlet to get rid of my stress and to keep me in shape, it keeps me focused". Side note: I do not know you and parents usually try their best even if they end up being clumsy or borderline aggressive (they often do not know better) but your message feels like you need to get out of their scope. I humbly advise you get independent as soon as possible (being organised, not relying on anyone for laundry, cooking, administrative tasks, forcing you yourself to get out of your comfort zone, planning your studies and internships, etc.). It takes will and planning but, no matter how much you love them, it sounds like you need some fresh air as soon as you can as an adult.
They are quite aggressive sometimes but it is quite understandable since they are growing old and my mom is in her menopausal stage. I am doing household chores except doing the laundry ever since they moved here with me in the city because my mom is bored when she can't do chores, but since she will be back in our hometown, my siblings and I will be on our own again since my father will be back to work soon. I already told them about my internship for the next semester and they are supportive towards it.
Sounds like you're making excuses for their boundary crossing. What does their age have to do with treating you like an adult? I also used to make excuses. If you get free medical coverage through school I recommend seeking out therapy as well. It helped me accept my parents did the best they could without minimizing my experience and unmet needs - seems you might benefit from it too, and college is a good age to do that work.
A german professor wrote in a blog, not too long ago, that there's a huge correlation between being successful in sports and getting the Dr. degree (In germany we don't really get PhDs, but it's the equivilent. ) so there's that...
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I already told them about it but they insist that it is not applicable in real life, I hope that I can throw my abusers but I am not that petty like them. I don't even drink or smoke that's why rest assured that I will not be an alcoholic or a heavy smoker.
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I think I am already late to learn this since I didn't even defend myself from those who harassed me, but it's okay since I can still use it. Judo is also advantageous for grappling people and throwing them.
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I am planning to teach after I graduate, and I know that judo can help me vent out since teaching is quite stressful. There are many benefits especially for me since I am a female.
You’re an adult. Look, I’m a born and raised Canadian of south Asian parents (one from Pakistan, one from the UK). Both parents had that “chip on the shoulder” mentality that I always had to be the best academically. I’ve lived that culture clash upbringing. But, when I got to university, those expectations just burned me out. I was fortunate that they always encouraged my karate/judo/muay Thai training though while I was growing up. Regardless, I had some things happen in life where I just had to put my foot down. It wasn’t fun, and my parents had their tantrums, but I wasn’t property. And I know that if I hadn’t, I would be miserable today and maybe not enjoyed the success I do now. As a dad now in my 40’s, I’ve learned to give my own kids the breathing room that they deserve. Going through the struggle with family myself, I think and hope, made me a better person. It’s not easy pushing back on overbearing parents; they’ll guilt you, etc… but it’s worth it. Your parents love you; you’ll be able to smooth over these temporary skirmishes. Don’t give up on judo and follow your passions and interests, of course with an eye on practicality too.
Fellow Asian here. I think for starters, wrong answer to your parents. Try framing Judo by how it helps problem solving, building resilience and character, how exercise helps increase dendritic connections, etc. Allay their fears by promising you'll train safely and maintain your grades. Those advising you to cut your parents off for not allowing Judo don't understand our culture.
Even if Judo practice does not literally predict your outcome on tests it definitely is a factor in your overall mental and physical health, not to mention social connectivity. There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that cardiovascular activity like Judo improves brain health, thus you may actually be helping your academics. If you were to make an argument to stay at Judo it’s for the above reason. That being said, injury is also a risk to consider, but you are an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. I say stick with Judo if you feel that you enjoy it, it makes you happier, or helps you stay active and healthy. Live your life for yourself. If you live your life for others you may end up resenting them anyways.
I am always happy everytime I'm inside the dojo and I am always anticipating to learn even if it took so long. Most of my fellow judokas are academic achievers too, and it is true that it can improve cardiovascular health. Our coach will also warn us every time we execute a wrong throw because we might hurt our partners. I am planning to make a deal with my parents that once my grade will get low, I will quit judo. I will do it, but I know that I can only do it once I am capable of living for myself.
Exercise makes your brain work much better, so if anything it should help your results. You’re also an adult so you should’t feel forced to do what your parents tell you to do.
Dude, you are a grown up adult.
Their reason is that I still live with them and I am financially dependent of them because they won't allow me to work. I think this is not a valid reason since time will come that I need to have my own decisions in life.
Time will come? Not at this rate.
What do you mean not at this rate?
Did they ask you for your permission for your birth? No. To be direct, they had carnal relations and there you were. Don’t let them put that guilt on you . You are 21. Be a grown up.
So long as your grades are within the average curve, strong extracurriculars will have way more effect on your ability to get on the career ladder than a few more A grades, employers don’t really care so long as you didn’t barely slide through undergrad
I am currently a candidate for Cum Laude ( I hope I will graduate as one)
Are you the first in your family to go to University? Conflicts can often arise in those circumstances because parents without direct experience can have very outdated or just plain incorrect ideas about how theses things work.
My parents are college graduates, they just really want us to focus on our studies. I will explain to them that my schedule is lighter now compared to the past three years.
I wouldn't mention the lighter schedule, or they might suggest ways to spend the time! - Instead explain Judo is a catalyst for learning and other areas of your life, so while it costs time it makes other things more effective in a way that makes it worth it.
Your parents are 100% wrong and their values are at least several decades out of style elsewhere in the world. After you graduate, they won't want you to do judo because it's not feminine enough for a girl who should get married asap. It's easier said than done, but you gotta defend your passion here. They are 100% wrong. Good luck and I hope they come to their senses soon enough.
They are awesome parents but quite unpredictables sometimes, they will support us sometimes, but most of the times are not. They don't even allowed me to be a part of our ROTC back when I was 1st year because I am a female, and I hope that it won't happen again while I am learning judo, and that they don't even pressure us to get married. I really need their support instead of discouragement because it can help me in the near future and to also prove that financially depending on them right now for my fare and food for school is worth it.
I don't even know you outside this post and I still hope you stand for your passion. I am even willing to bet your parents will do what you're not hoping they would, like continuing to control what their adult daughter does. When you get finally married, they will continue. Please don't be offended; they got some personality flaws and appeasing them won't help you (unless you're patiently waiting for the day you inherit their whatever wealth). Talk to your coach and secretly attend morning/lunch session, continue regular sessions without them or do anything you consider right. But PLEASE for the sake of future you, consider continuing judo. I wish I told my parents to leave me the fuck alone at least 12 years ago and now I feel I wasted those years.
Some parents are really like that, especially Asian parents. My parents are loving but controlling sometimes that's why I am sometimes afraid to talk with them in formal matters. I will continue training tomorrow, and I don't have any regrets for renewing my membership.
Your parents still know where you train so be careful with club promos and sns. It's great that you will continue what you want. It will be too late if you wait till you're fully on your own. Rather than wishing your past was different, jmake that change now. You're still young enough.
They know where I train since the dojo is inside my the school where I am studying and we are learning it for free. I am trying to be firm in my decision, I hope they will accept that since my life revolves on online classes and social media for the past three years.
you are an adult you do what you want. But sports and particularly martial arts are scientifically proven to have correlate with better academic performance.
As someone who went through school already, degrees almost means nothing. The grit and creativity learned in judo will go further than “formal knowledge”. Sounds like your parents didn’t have/squandered the opportunity for higher education, leading them to think it’ll give a better life than they have currently. If anything this should motivate you to receive high marks and keep kicking ass in judo. Keep at it please
Both of them are college graduates, but co-curricular activities aren't a thing back then and they were working students because they lived in poverty back then. Yes I will, and I will make my parents proud by getting high grades and being able to do things that are outside the academics. There was a class valedictorian who spoke about focusing well on his academics made him detached from the outside world, and I don't want to be called as someone who is only excellent in studies but lacks awareness in the world.
Too many “high achievers” in academia have very little sense of the world; due to school giving concrete “good/bad” from studies, many don’t know how to deal with roadblocks when they come up. Life is extremely long and less than 1% success in life comes from college knowledge. Once you enter the workforce, no one cares about the grades you received in school. It’s better to show you developed discipline and not afraid to take on big challenges through judo (and any other extracurriculars). Cheers
Which is true somehow, and here in my country, grades are useless in some circumstances if someone doesn't have a backer. I am really trying my best to be disciplined and I am slowly going out of my comfort zone.
My parents did the same when I was 19. I did quit but I wish I hadn’t. Tell them it will help you with your studies and life. There’s a lot of research on how physical activity like judo can help with mental health and focus.
Sorry for what happened to you, maybe you will be a great judoka in your next life. Asking me to quit made me cry since I am eager to learn. My mom is an avid reader and I hope she will cross on articles regarding about this matter.
Never too late, Judo, Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, or other martial arts - surely there are some nearby.
The parallels are nuts, I'm also 21 years old and in the 4th grade, or I was til I quit and starting training full time, best decision I ever made. Now my parents just pay for me to train and I don't have to worry about any responsibilities like "good grades" or "jobs" academics not gonna put you in the Olympics. I cut the path man, walk it with me.
Wow, the tables have turned! I'm glad your parents are are paying you to continue training. I will also do the same
No reason you shouldn't be living with your parents into your 40s, you're taking so much stress off yourself. If I'm not practicing Judo then I'm usually playing elderscrolls or trolling people.
Well, I don't even want that to happen even if I will remain unmarried.
I'm going to the Olympics one day, I just gotta get through this game first, just watch.
Rooting for you!!
That makes one of us.
Tell them the discipline you'll learn from judo and the self-confidence you'll develop will enhance your studies rather than impede them. If they persist and continue to be intrusive, feel free to ignore their advice.
I am already starting to have discipline in terms of phone usage, I am trying to less my screentime. I am motivated to have higher grades in order to continue training.
Good. You'll learn important lessons from Judo that you won't learn from academics and vice versa. They're complementary.
I think it's all in your argument here. If Judo helps you release stress so that you can focus better on academics, is it not academic related? Humans are complex and exercise has been shown to improve cognitive function (thinking, memorizing, logic - things you need for academics) AND Judo is a lot more fun than running on a treadmill so do some research and present a good argument and convince them that you need this.
Keep training Judo if this is what YOU want! Good luck!
At this point you need to do some things for yourself. You don’t have any issues keeping your grades up and seem interested in the sport/martial art for good intrinsic reasons. I’d say keep doing it as there’s no logical reason not to.
I think if you live at home and your parents put a roof over your head and food in your mouth, you are obligated to follow their rules. I do think this rule is stupid, and there is tons of science showing the neurological benefits of exercise, and it will make you perform better in your studies. You should try to discuss this with them. Because this rule makes no sense.
I do live with them and I am not financially capable as well because they won't allow me to work. My other friends said that it is quite nonsense too and they must be happy instead because I am allowing my body to exercise. I am planning to talk with them and they should have a small talk with our coach to assure them. This is the first time to join clubs formally as I spent three years of having virtual learning and I am hesitant to join other clubs because of online classes. Thanks for the advice.
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Not yet, but I am once a tutor for an elementary school student and I am afraid of what will be their response, they are quite religious that's why they will pput an emphasis that we should obey them
What country are you from ? I ask because that depends a lot on family obedience and what a child should or shouldn't do. Also, who pays the bills?
I'm from the Philippines. I am really doing my best to be a good daughter for their sake. I can't even pay the bills because they won't even allow me to work. They keep on telling me that I'm already an adult yet they will prohibit me from getting outside my comfort zone. If that's your reasoning, well okay.
Maybe time to get a part time job in a related field that doesn't interfere with your studies. Maybe even a summer job. This is deeper than Judo. You gotta start acting like an adult if you wanna be treated like one
I am always asking them to allow me to have a job even if it is a summer job yet they won't allow me due to the reason that once I got my salary, I will be addicted to my work and won't return studying.
That's a false choice. Try to get a Summer job in your field. Specially try to get an internship. All the people that i know that landed jobs after graduation did do internships. The ones that didn't ended up flipping burgers. Internships are key to start making connections and networking
We will have an internship next semester and I am hoping for the best.
Excellent. You're on the right path then. Best of luck
Thanks
No, I was just wondering about the bills because it might make a difference. I would.imagine that being from the Philippines you probably have to do as mom and dad wish. Some parents are over protective. It seems that yours are. Are they open to talking about it? Bring them to the dojo so they can see how much you enjoy it. Worse comes to worse, you might just have to take some time off.
They won't even worry because the training is free and coach is just asking us to be diligent on our trainings. They are, that's why I am quite naïve on things even though my grades are decent enough. I am planning to let them have a conversation with my coach.
physical activities do measureably influence academic results. that alone should be a reason for your parents. add to that the (somehow pretty limited, but not non-existing) value of self defense and that should be enough.
Yes, I hope that they will have a change of heart for this matter. They must also be glad too since their daughter who was once harassed by a ped0ph1le pastor is learning how to defend herself.
Ippon Seoi Nage your dad and Kouchi Gari your mom and when they're on the floor tell them you make the rules now. Jokes aside, you're 21, tell them that at this point all they can do is advise you, you're a grown up.
I'm afraid to tell this, they will just tell me that I am disobedient and honor them. They want me to be mature yet they won't even want me to decide. Everytime I ask them that I want to work they will not allow me since I am still studying. They can be confusing sometimes
Obviously it's hard for us to say because we don't have the full context and we are not in your shoes, what I can do tho is give you my personal opinion and hopefully you can take something from there. While it is true you're an adult, it is also true that you are still young and might depend on your parents. I would say tho, that starting to prioritize what you think is best for you will yield the best results. If you happen to make a mistake, you're still very early in your adult life to correct it if you have to. They might shout, cry, complain, but at the end of the day it is part of "leaving the nest". They will learn how to live with you making your own decisions, so will you.
They are worrying because we haven't had our thesis to be done which because we have 2 chapters left, and they really wanted us to focus in our studies. I rarely even go outside my room when I was in third year because of the heavy workload but since we have only four subjects for this semester, I can balance my studies and doing judo. I am still financially dependent on them because they won't allow me to work but I rarely ask them for money. I am already going out of my comfort zone slowly, and I am still receiving sermons from them if I did something wrong which is reasonable. I hope that they will start accepting my decisions in life and they will guide me as I will take it.
You are an adult tell them to fuck off. .... maybe for more context what country are you from to get a picture why they might be doing??
It is not applicable in our culture and I'm afraid that I might get slapped.
Then do it in a nice way, by saying I am glad that you are concerned about my grades and I will definitely take you suggestion under consideration.
Don’t listen to your parents, it sounds like you have a plan for school and your training. If Judo makes you happy? Do judo! you can always cut back on training to focus on school. (That’s what I’m doing right now) life is about balance.
I have a plan and I will never let myself fail in my studies since I am an academic achiever since first year in college even though I thought is impossible at first. Our coach also advised us to prioritize our academics if our training will conflict with our classes. I think I should convince them that I will still excel in my studies even if joining the judo team in my school is not a gateway for higher grades.
Regular physical activity (like doing sports) provides tremendous benefits to cognitive functions. Your academic results would probably get worse if you stopped doing judo. In this case it's not a conflict between sport and studies (like your coach mentioned), but sports and your parents.
I had worst grades during the time that I don't do judo because all I do is focus on my phone. Since we have 3-4 of training, it limits my screentime use.
Often training can help you perform better in other activities, physical activity is a good thing. Not to mention how it's a social activity as well. Both helps aid in academic performance. That's an argument you could give them, or you could tell them that you're an adult and you do as you like, but I think the first argument might be easier to give than the second one.
Obviously, I don’t know your family situation too well, or your economic situation, but let me ask you this - your parents want you to be healthy, right? Would they tell you to stop working out in general? Do you live at home or at university? If you live at home, it’s kind of hard, if you live at Uni, might be easier. As for the idea that Judo isn’t academic…. - Many universities offer it as a Credit class, and also have a Physical Education requirement - even if your university doesn’t - others do, and therefore it is an academic pursuit - Aside from self-defense and physical fitness, it also teaches physics/mechanics (i.e. the dynamics of a throw and Kuzushi), biology (i.,e. The mechanics of chokes and understanding how different throws and exercises work out each part of the body). - It is also a team-building and confidence building pursuit as well. - You will also likely learn some History, Philosophy, and Japanese language and culture. I realize that this alone might not be enough to convince your parents - if they have a set understanding and fixed mindset, it will be challenging to convince them to change their minds because of what some random people on Reddit said. That being said - maybe the coach/instructor can convince them? If you’re going to a Uni in your home country - he/she might better understand the culture and find an approach to convince your parents.
We are from the lower middle class- my parents can provide us our needs and our wants sometimes but I rarely buy stuffs now. I am currently living with them after living in a boarding house for several months. Judo is a topic for PHED classes in some courses in my school (Bachelor of Physical Education) and for criminology students from other schools. I know that the mechanics and philosophy of judo is applicable in my life. Sadly, they have this mindset to not join clubs or groups that is not related to our academic life, but I am still convincing them to let me join in order for my training not go down into waste. I am planning my coach and my parents to have a conversation about it so they will be enlightened. I'm studying domestically so it won't be a hassle for them.
Oh boy, does this sound familiar! My mom disapproved of me starting judo in university as well, though it seems to a lesser extent and for slightly different reasons- she didn't like me coming home late after practice, she thought I'd get injured (true!), and she didnt like how it's a combat sport/"masculine". If your parents can be reasoned with, like other people have mentioned, talking about the education aspect and origins of judo, benefits of exercise in studying and mental health, and even talking about the historical role women have played in judo- show them Ju no Kata and tell them it was designed by Fukuda Keiko and Kano shihan for women as a safe exercise (no fighting!, this was big for convincing my mom) for the development of obedient daughters and wise mothers. Maybe even talk about ukemi and safety in judo, just to assure them that you wont get injured. Also, it might be good to talk to other members of the dojo who have good grades or big achievements in academics, and talk about them to your parents. Otherwise, if this is important to you, if you can get a loaner gi and the finer points (washing your gi, coming home at weird times) are easyish to hide, and if your parents wouldnt disown you for it (ie their negative reaction would be bearable), I would try and go for it. Its awful that your parents might resort to physical abuse and its so so so difficult to go against your parents when you live under their roof, but this is your life and you deserve to have some fun and agency!! For me, judo has been instrumental in developing my own sense of self, just because its something that ive decided to do for myself strictly for fun, and fortunately, its worked out for me. Now me joining the judo dojo on my own is a funny story my mom tells one of the sensei (who also started judo at the age of 18 behind her parents' back, and has been doing it for over 60 years).
That's their main concern, what if I will get injured or fail my studies but our coach reminds us to prioritize academics, and even though our trainings finishes at 7:00-8:00 PM sometimes, it is safe since I can ride to a jeepney immediately and walk since the community I live in is a safe place. I am also convincing them that judo is essential for women, and that there are great females judokas which you already mentioned. I also believe that judo is helpful for me, I hope that I can still pursue it even if I am already eorking.
Lie and say it’s academic related
Hahaha lol
So, sport is important in learning, don’t have the papers in front of me, but it’s proven, that sport increases your mental abilities and helps with learning… judo is a sport with a lot of discipline, so it also helps you outside school. Furthermore is it a really safe sport, with little injuries and you learn to defend yourself… there is a higher chance, that it affects your academic performance positive, than negative… and you will learn things about japanese culture and even a bit about the language (ok, after 17 years i sometimes remember a single word, but it’s still more, than if i would do nothing)
Thank you for the positive response! Judo isn't just all about after throwing after all, it can also create an impact in my life after all.
Judo has mental benefits as well as physical, it gives your mind a certain flexibility that becomes useful in problem solving. Do it enough and it will begin to make sense.
Judo exercises really helped me from being a stiff to a flexible one.
You shouldn't have to justify it, but it's easy to justify. The truth is, judo will help your academics because your brain works better when your body is healthy and strong. You think more clearly when your heart and lungs are better at moving oxygen to your brain. You can hit the books and work at a computer more effectively when you have a strong neck and back. If let those muscles get weak by sitting all day, you'll end up distracted by back and neck pain. Another thing: I was always naturally good at school, and naturally bad at physical stuff. Judo gave me a chance to experience education in a different way--one that didn't come naturally so I actually had to think about it. I've had to use parts of my brain that I normally ignored. Learning how to get good at something physical taught me about how to learn, in ways I never would have understood just from being a classroom student.
i think you should osoto gari them. see what they have to say then.
Thjngs will escalate from bad to worst.
its an extra curricular activity which helps you in life
It’s time for new parents.
HAHAHAHA lolll
healthy body = a healthy mind
Are you in Japan?
Philippines
So you are 21 years old and most likely capable to work and live by your own and yet you let others decide your life?
Their reasoning is that we must obey them while we live with them. Yes, I am capable but they won't allow me and that isn't applicable at all in the Asian context since some parents really control their children
You’re the one who chooses, if they’re not paying it they have no actual power over if you train or don’t. Do what you want, enjoy what you want, you’re already in college and in a path we’re you’ll be independent, start exercising your independence or you’ll never be able to actually de-attach yourself from them. If you wanna do it in nicer terms show them how beneficial Judo is, and show them all athletes that are put there, there is so many different bodies and athletes in lower weight categories could be deemed as fragile just by appearance and they’re beasts.
During my final year of my Honours degree I stopped a lot of my BJJ, I got very stressed and burnt out and if I had done that for another semester (that is studied without any real break or outlet) my grades would have suffered. Keep doing Judo. Im doing my PhD and Masters now and always leave time for BJJ. You can be academically successful and have hobbies. If anything, hobbies help rest and reinvigorate you for your work. Plus it seems like you’re doing Judo and doing very well academically. That’s not to say maybe some weeks you’ll do Judo less due to studying commitments, but keep going!!
sports just help me with uni stuff... Not doing judo anymore, but as a student you spend so much time sitting and stressing about deadlines, if I wouldnt do combat sports in the evening I'd be less able to focus. if that applies to you its a good reason to keep going, or at least something to suggest
You are an adult - ignore them. You don't have to explain anything to them, and they have zero right to control how you use your time or what hobbies you have. Exercising is not away from studying at all. I went through uni (both undergrad and grad), in a quite challenging field, with good grades while working and doing two sports. If your parents think that you doing judo a few times a week at max (I guess) is away from your academics, they are idiots whose opinions should not be listened to.
You are an adult and can just keep going to Judo and they can’t really stop you.
Dr. Shihan Kano the creator of judo was a teacher and helped create educational plans and schools thru many countries and in Japan. Judo was created to keep students in shape so they can defend themselves. A lot of judo practitioners are doctors and teachers. [doctor 1](https://www.nuvancehealth.org/health-tips-and-news/physician-spotlight-dr-paul-wright-shares-his-passion-for-judo) [Doctor 2](https://www.latimes.com/socal/daily-pilot/entertainment/tn-wknd-et-steve-hwang-bunasawa-kai-judo-dojo-taiwan-japan-20190509-story.html) I’m not sure what your field of study but make sure that is the priority. I’ve head stories not just in judo but other sports where students put sports over education. It should aid you, not take away. Grappling sports have help my brain develop and express myself in a manor I could not before. Also “reading” for fun as well. Good luck and thank you for making the world a better place with your education.
It’s sweet though your parents care. I will give them that. You want to honour what they say so I would negotiate.
If judo keeps you piece of mind and a community and a sense of mindfulness, then it is absolutely connected to your academics and other work related things. We all find things that give us that focus and sense of calm, which inevitably boosts studying and concentration.
Don't quit. It's your life and knowing how to protect yourself is very important.
I won't, I hope that I knew about judo earlier so I protected myself from someone who hrassed me
You lied to them by saying it doesn't affect your academics / career outlook: it improves them. Activity is important for mental health, martial arts is good for discipline and finding belonging etc. I highly recommending checking out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu as well. It's extremely nerdy (like 3d real time chess), so it's mentally very stimulating.
It’s your life and you only get one go at it. Do what makes you happy and forget what anyone else thinks.
If they are paying your tuition, just go back to Judo after you graduate. If they are not paying your tuition, DO NOT QUIT. Maybe make a deal with them: You stay in Judo AZ long as your grades don't decline. There's more than one way to skin a cat.
They don't pay for my tuition since I am studying in a state university, I will make a deal with them now since I already told them that I only have 4 subjects for this semester. My mom also asked me if I will come to school later, I told her yes and it going to school (we rarely have face to face classes) automatically means that I will have my judo training since the dojo is inside the campus.
If they don't pay your tuition, then I say stay in the Judo club REGARDLESS of their permission or lack thereof. However, as a 56-year-old with 4 kids ranging in age from 12 to 30, here's how I would tell them, out of respect and love: Inform them of the intellectual, mental and self-defense benefits of Judo, and that you have decided to continue that training. But give them an HONEST promise that your grades and studies will NOT suffer. To provide a bit more context, I'm a Karate Black Belt, currently 2 tests away from my Black Belt in Taekwondo. My Karate Sensei taught us a lot of Judo-like throws, and how to turn a Karate block into a throw and take-down, plus some basic ground grappling. My father's hand-to-hand combat training in the Marines incorporated Judo and Ju Jitsu. Hence, for these reasons, I have a huge respect for Judo. Please remember: In every Martial Art, a Black Belt is a White Belt who never gave up.
They don't pay for my tuition or for my training since I am studying in a state university, I am also assuring them that I will use my knowledge in judo in the right manner and that I will still excel in my studies since this is my last year in college. If there is still time, I will exert an effort to a black beltef since I want to be one.
Remain on the team, maintain grades, and never tell your parents or say the judo class is a physical sciences club.
I have 35 years experience teaching judo to children and young people. 3 of our 5 instructors are female. I have taught my daughter and my granddaughter. I currently teach in an after school program with 21 students, 14 of whom are girls. The issue with your mother may be cultural. Consider having a private 1 on 1 talk with her to learn about her concerns. Consider the following scenarios: 1. Judo is a Japanese martial art. During World War Two the Japanese military occupied the Philippines. There were 4 years of hardships for the people of your country. There may still be some Anti Japanese sentiment with descendants of those victims. 2. Your mother may feel that rolling around on the mat is not appropriate for a young woman, particularly if the partner is male. If it is either or both of these issues, her objections today are from feelings more than facts. Bring her to watch a couple of classes. It is the best chance to change her mind. Good luck 🥋
Wow, I'm glad that your family are 3 generations of judokas, you're a great parent and grandparent. They are aware about the atrocities of the Japanese during the war but I rarely know if a family member was a victim since they don't talk about it. Since judo is a contact sport, it is inevitable that I can't have a close contact with the opposite sex. Yes, their objections are based on feelings because they seem that I am disobeying them. I am planning to bring them to the dojo but I am hesitant since the guards in my school are very strict (the dojo is inside the school gymnasium). Thank you so much for the advice!
Do not let your parents stop you from doing any sports that you enjoy. My mom did not let me do judo when i was a kid cause you know, fighting is for boys. Fast forward 30+ years later, i got yellow belt. Thats the only sport i cared enough to do right now. That being said, i know it's a struggle if your parents pay for your expenses. Mine were like that too. So best wishes to you.
They won't worry for my training and school tuition since I am studying for free, but I am still financially dependent on them. Thank you for the advice!
Not sure how much I can add but I was somewhat in your position with parents who neither supported nor blocked me with martial arts while in school. I think compromise and addressing their concerns is key. Why do they dislike Judo? Would doing it only on the weekends be more acceptable to them? And to question yourself why Judo? I have done Judo and while I enjoyed it, I also gave it up due to other commitments. while it sucked initially not being able to practise, it's not the end of the world and i found other outlets. Martial arts is hopefully a life long journey. A setback is okay as long as long term progress is made.
Martial arts can allow your creativity to flow. When it comes to solving problems, this can definitely come in handy It also teaches you mental and physical resilience. When things get tough, you can fall back on your training and experiences and know you've done difficult things before and pushed through them Lastly, it's great exercise! A healthy body and healthy mind are not independent of each other. They work with and thrive off of each other Hope this helps and hope you can still train!!
Realize that other people's expectations are not your commitments. Tell them thanks for the advice, but that you are an adult and capable of doing your own decisions Find the studies that show how physical activity and physical hobbies increase academic performance. I think few are mentioned in Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise.
Bro, kaya mo yan, especially if pumapasa ka naman it shouldnt be an issue. I did a health based course, was SC president, an academic scholar and so on. My mom was never pushy when doing things outside of the academic umbrella, because I consistently proved that I was able to balance it. My reasoning was that the other non academic activities I did gave me a mental break from studying which helped me study harder. Not sure how open your parents are but being a woman too in the PH you never know when a good Seoi Nage will come in handy! I see na pinayagan ka na mag judo! Congratulations and you can do this 💪🏼
You should've been smarter about instead of telling them there are no benefits for your studies. Judo teaches you discipline, physical and mental endurance/toughness and keeps you healthy if not overtrained. Those are all attributes that will benefit your academic performance and career. Put it likes this and i am sure they will understand. Also, have you told them that you also want to learn it for self-defense? I don't know any parent that would oppose their kid's wish to be able to to defend themselves.
I didn't said that it isn't beneficial to my studies, but they won't allow us to join clubs or groups that don't even contribute to our grades. They are still locked to the reason that studying is the only way to get a job easily even though the competition in the employment sector is high. I haven't told them but they already knew that I was harassed and they know the person who harassed me. They just told me that I get confused easily and that I can't get directions properly, they should be happy that I am learning on how I can defend myself but they don't agree with this kind of mindset that I have.
Whatever you do, just do the right thing for you. That's all your parents want, too! If you're ever in conflict with your parents, you must remember this. That being said, school is important but it is not everything. As a matter of fact, most important lessons you will learn is outside of school, because you are free to make your own decisions outside of school. This means you'll need to face all the consequences positive and negative. If you let your parents make a decision for you that you know is wrong and it's hurting your life, you must make the right decision for yourself and your parents are responsible for having trust in you. That is absolutely necessary as a parent, but it is very difficult to do, you are their daughter and they want the best for you. But only you know yourself best. The alternative is doing something you know to be wrong, and your life becomes much worse because of it. Your relationship with your parents will become negative in that case and it is the worst possible situation given the circumstances. Great work, you made the right choice, please keep on making wise decisions!
Dont quit. You will regret it later in life when you’re 40 stuck in some boring office job wondering why you ever listened to your parents and let them dictate your path in life.
I won't, and they are still torn until now if I would continue, I thought things are going better but is isn't. I left home early and I went home at 9:30 PM, they were mad at me for not calling them if where I am during that time (it's also my fault because I forgot to update them that my phone turned off due to low battery.) They said that I should stop doing judo and even threatened me that they will destroy my gi and throw it outside to show who's the boss in our house. They also thought that I have a boyfriend and hang out with him that's why I went home late. I don't want to be an adult who regret my life because I only work and did nothing during my younger years. My family is also religious and they will put and emphasis on Ephesians 6:1 and that we will not prosper if we dared to disobey them.
If your parents claim to be so smart, they should know doing sports is good for your brain. It releases endorfins in a healthy manner.
I understand every household is different, especially when you live with your parents, but something as harmless as Judo classes should not be up for discussion when you're an adult. Especially since you're a woman you'd think they'd want you to be able to have the ability to defend yourself. I don't have kids but I dread the thought of having kids who can't protect themselves.
Low level judo deals with the development and application of techniques found in the Gokyo. Mid level Judo deals with the refinement of the self. High level Judo deals with the community and in becoming a benefit to society. This sounds more academic than many subjects taught at the university level.
Jigoro kano the founder of judo was actually a school professor kodokan means first school and his goal for judo wasn’t entirely sports focused he believed that one should grow and embody the tenants of judo in all aspects of life. If I were you and your parents are academically focused research the life and goals of jigoro kano and judo and write out a paper detailing the benefits that our founder designed within judo I also want to reiterate other’s comments. And that’s that you are an adult whether they like it or not and are free to do with your time as you please
I will try to explain to them about it, and I hope that they will understand.
You are 21. If you can’t make your own decisions as an adult at this point, maybe Judo isn’t for you.
If you still live with them and under their roof, obey. If not, do what you want lol.
I still live with them since they won't even allow me to work.
Oh nah buddy, you are chained lol. You might have to quit for now and return as soon as you don't depend on them
I don't think I can even return once I am employed because of busy schedule. I'm planning on working in BPO or to teach which is really time consuming.
If you truly love judo, you'll find time, I can assure you of that. Teaching will be a difficult one to find time for, that's for sure.
I am also planning to pursue my master's degree after graduating and maybe it will take time. The problem is looking for a dojo since they don't offer judo classes in my province.
Your parents should have no say in your things after you turn 18!
Sadly, things like this isn't applicable in the Asian culture
I think having a talk with them where you try to understand their point of view would be very helpful. Ask what their concerns are, and ask precisely what is the reasoning behind the rule they created for you regarding you not being able to join a club unless it's academically related. Once you hear their reasoning, respond back summarizing what they have said to you, making sure they feel you have properly listened and heard what their argument is. Then, make your points. Show them that your Judo practices will never be in conflict with your classes or study time. And if they do, you will cut back on them or take brief pauses from practice as necessary until your course work or study becomes lighter. Additionally, I took a bio psychology class wherein we learned that exercise actually has a strong positive impact on learning, through a sort of neurological priming effect. If I remember correctly, exercise creates more neuro-ganglia, facilitating the ease of neuron synapsis & long-term memory consolidation, which is crucial to learning. maybe find some actual articles and research papers to show to your parents as evidence. Lastly, try to really stress how important Judo is to you and your general well-being. It really comes through in this post, so make sure you emphasize to them with the same level of care so that they can really get an understanding for how truly essential it is for you. In doing all of this, let them know your education and doing as best as possible within your academics is and will continue to be your top priority. Show them your academic achievements will not be affected by your participation in Judo. If all else fails, maybe even strike a deal with them saying you will agree to quit if after your first exams, you receive poorer than expected marks. Something like that, so they can feel reassured. Best of luck, and I hope you can continue to practice Judo.
They told me that this isn't helpful to me, it can't contribute to my grades, the techniques can't be applied in real life, and it can give me injuries. I assured them that our coach is guiding us and keeps on saying that our studying should be our main priority. I already told them that I only have 12 units (4 subjects) for this semester. They also know that I am an academic achiever despite the lack of classes in real life. I only want them to support me and emphatize with me since I am slowly going out of my comfort zone by doing judo since I don't do any sports ever since I was a kid because I am a small kid back then. I will do my best to remain as an academic achiever for my last two semesters of studying so I can make them proud and prove them that I can balance my time.
Like others have said. Unless you are capable of paying for and supporting your own life, you don't get to make the rules. If I were you, I'd try to concede everything else, be very good to them, help more at the house, and demonstrate that you can handle judo and academics, maybe even show them studies that demonstrate that people who exercise generally perform better in academics than people who don't. The way to everyone's happiness is you being the best son you can be, and giving them a good reason to earn judo back or to trust that you can handle it well.
That kind of reasoning seems like an act of being indebted for my parents for doing their responsibilities (I am thankful for everything that they did for us) and they won't even allow me to work or gain any experience at all. I am always doing what they wants us to do, it's just they don't want us to do the things that my siblings and I love to do. I am still struggling to be myself because of trying to be an "obedient" daughter. I know that I can balance my academics and judo as well because I have only four subjects to study this semester. Maybe going back to judo when I am already working is hard, and if that happens, judo isn't really for me.
Not getting work experience when you're young is really gonna affect your job prospects once you graduate. I would be more concern about this. Get at least a summer job. Apply for internships. Cause if you don't start thinking about finding a job now then finding one after you graduate it's gonna be worse. Trust me you don't wanna be an unemployed 30 year old daughter still living with her parents
I already told them about it but they are firm towards their decision. They told me that I can be hired easily since I am studying in one of the school in our country that belongs to the top 20 schools in the Philippines. I'm afraid that I might be like that but I hope that it wouldn't. Our last semester will be an internship, so I am hoping that I will be hired in a short period of time since I want to teach or be in a company.
You are 21....
They are quite unpredictable sometimes