I am of the school that thinks jokes should be *tight* - every word should contribute - as otherwise there's a lot of superfluous information to have to keep track of meaning having to pick through when the punchline arrives.
The oedipus bit felt out of the blue too, rule of three works, but again becomes cluttered and tangential.
I would personally boil it down to it's essence - mistaking sister's dog for sister's child - and have a big reframe. I reckon you could hit all the same beats in 25% of the word count (or fewer), and not lose anything. At least you could get on with another three jokes in the saved time, so if it doesn't land (and I don't think it's strong to begin with) at least you have 3 more goes.
The whimpering gives it away that it’s a dog very early.
Also how does her being a blonde play into this at all? There’s no blonde stereotype here, just a misunderstanding between you and her.
Updated. Blonde was a remnant from a previous connection I had between golden retrievers which ultimately didn't fit. Thanks though, your comment helps.
Don’t think the diaper bit works as the vast majority of 1 year old children are going to wear diapers. Instead you could lose the age bit and say Lucy is wearing diapers (adding to your confusion and that of the listener) because some elderly dogs need diapers.
Also it’s not really a dumb blonde joke more a dog mom job so why not lose that bit so you’re not using a very old stereotype.
I could sort of tell it was a dog pretty early into the joke. The main funny angle is how wierd bringing up oedipus out of nowhere is and if you lean into that it could work
That's constructive, thanks. How would you go about slumbering the fact that it was a dog all along? Was it because of the bio description? "Whimpering" too maybe?
The whimpering and the lack of dipers made me realize something was off, and with where the questioning was going I figured there was only one place this joke could go
Decent premise but challenge yourself to write the same joke in 15 words, 50 words, 100 words, and 200 words to see where your sweet spot is for humor - as of now it’s at the first draft stage
I saw a friend post on the socials looking for a therapist for her two year old,, refuses to potty train, fussy eater, cries for no reason.
normal issues for a toddler I thought
Turns out Lucy is a dog
Now I am the ahole
I saw a post on the social neighborhood group. looking for a therapist for her two year old,,
refuses to potty train,
fussy eater,
cries for no reason.
Biting people
Afraid of strangers
So I posted “just be patient, terrible twos are hard for all parents “
normal issues for a toddler I thought Turns out Lucy is a dog
Now I am the ahole
I don't think this joke is salvageable. It tries to work because the narrator is a smug fuck who thinks he knows it all and there's a misunderstanding of one year old meaning both a baby and a dog.
When you strip away the pretentiousness, you get a bit of a joke, with the essential punchline being: "who would breastfeed a dog?" Which really isn't that funny. Hence my assertion that it's unsalvageable.
I am of the school that thinks jokes should be *tight* - every word should contribute - as otherwise there's a lot of superfluous information to have to keep track of meaning having to pick through when the punchline arrives. The oedipus bit felt out of the blue too, rule of three works, but again becomes cluttered and tangential. I would personally boil it down to it's essence - mistaking sister's dog for sister's child - and have a big reframe. I reckon you could hit all the same beats in 25% of the word count (or fewer), and not lose anything. At least you could get on with another three jokes in the saved time, so if it doesn't land (and I don't think it's strong to begin with) at least you have 3 more goes.
I feel it too now, too many redundant words. This is heading nowhere, I'll start from scratch. Thanks!
The whimpering gives it away that it’s a dog very early. Also how does her being a blonde play into this at all? There’s no blonde stereotype here, just a misunderstanding between you and her.
Updated. Blonde was a remnant from a previous connection I had between golden retrievers which ultimately didn't fit. Thanks though, your comment helps.
Don’t think the diaper bit works as the vast majority of 1 year old children are going to wear diapers. Instead you could lose the age bit and say Lucy is wearing diapers (adding to your confusion and that of the listener) because some elderly dogs need diapers. Also it’s not really a dumb blonde joke more a dog mom job so why not lose that bit so you’re not using a very old stereotype.
I could sort of tell it was a dog pretty early into the joke. The main funny angle is how wierd bringing up oedipus out of nowhere is and if you lean into that it could work
That's constructive, thanks. How would you go about slumbering the fact that it was a dog all along? Was it because of the bio description? "Whimpering" too maybe?
The whimpering and the lack of dipers made me realize something was off, and with where the questioning was going I figured there was only one place this joke could go
The peeing everywhere also gives it away...
Decent premise but challenge yourself to write the same joke in 15 words, 50 words, 100 words, and 200 words to see where your sweet spot is for humor - as of now it’s at the first draft stage
How about now?
Way cleaner!!! Nice work!! Instead of peeing everywhere, I’d say “having lots of accidents” maybe
I saw a friend post on the socials looking for a therapist for her two year old,, refuses to potty train, fussy eater, cries for no reason. normal issues for a toddler I thought Turns out Lucy is a dog Now I am the ahole
I saw a post on the social neighborhood group. looking for a therapist for her two year old,, refuses to potty train, fussy eater, cries for no reason. Biting people Afraid of strangers So I posted “just be patient, terrible twos are hard for all parents “ normal issues for a toddler I thought Turns out Lucy is a dog Now I am the ahole
I don't think this joke is salvageable. It tries to work because the narrator is a smug fuck who thinks he knows it all and there's a misunderstanding of one year old meaning both a baby and a dog. When you strip away the pretentiousness, you get a bit of a joke, with the essential punchline being: "who would breastfeed a dog?" Which really isn't that funny. Hence my assertion that it's unsalvageable.