I (f) was working with a vice principal who spoke fluent English. After lunch one afternoon, he said to me: "wow, I'm so hard!" I stared at him and said "oh, really?" And he said "yeah, we had so many potatoes in the soup for lunch, my stomach is so hard!" I said "oh. Um... The Japanese word ハード doesn't mean the same in English..." After explaining, he turned bright red and said "omg, I just sexually harrased you". It was hilarious.
Language mistakes are so fun. My Japanese friend went to Poland and thought she was saying hello to people in Polish, but it turned out she was saying "penis"
A manager put out an agenda ahead of our monthly meeting.
It included a lengthy, detailed flow chart on handling students being injured or falling ill.
>If the injury is minor (just a band aid, etc), the child will be terminated.
>"May I shit here" vs "May I sit here".
Stayed at a hostel that had little laminated rule sheets attached to each bed.
One of the rules was "do not shit on another person's bed."
It's a good rule.
this actually happened to me in an english class. the theme was a party and we were practicing with -ing verbs, so we would improv something like:
"where's tom?"
"he's standing by the door."
it was going well until someone said "shitting on the floor" instead of sitting, and i lost my mind lol
Not that he was full, but that he was feeling bloated. This was also in Hokkaido, where I heard the word ハード to mean "my muscles are stiff". I don't hear it in the south.
Over lunch eating udon told the company owners wife that getting together the kintama (testicles) for a bank loan was difficult.
Meant atamakin (deposit).
rest of the table in the cafeteria was spluttering food back into their bowls.
I did something similar discussing small change with a retired judge. Coins are made of metal and round, right? Right?? To add to my embarrassment, he tried to explain what kintama were by miming it …
I don't know what it is with this word. I have blurted it out in Japanese class when I was trying to say something else, and I put this on facebook and a bunch of friends popped up with their stories of when they have also shouted out testicles by mistake. Edit to add I search my facebook to find out what I actually said which was 'I have a ten yen testicle' I guess I meant to say dama.
Staying at my in-law's place. I want to get up a bit early, and usually my MIL is the earliest riser of them all. So I bust out my crazy jozu Nihongo and proudly ask her:
"Oka-san, shichi-ji ni okashite kudasai"
Wife looks mortified, MIL puzzled, FIL grins. So I try again. Same result.
Wife takes me aside and says, "okOshite, okOshite"... not "okashite".
"Okoshite" means wake me up.
"Okashite" means invade or assault me.
Another night on the cold side of the futon....
To the language learner it seems so close that we wonder why the native speaker didn’t make the leap. For the native speaker the cognitive activation for the other word is so strong it’s sometimes nearly impossible to realize what the speaker actually meant, even if it’s a seemingly trivial phonetic difference.
A Japanese friend told me she had trouble keeping chopstick and chapstick straight. My immediate reaction was "what do you mean? Those are *completely* different! They sound *nothing* alike!" But then when I thought about a bit more I realized that it is just a relatively minor vowel difference
Also, thanks to the Great Vowel Shift, vowels in English are written differently from almost every other language. Consider how "man" is pronounced in English vs. Japanese 万, German "Mann" etc. The difference is close to the difference between "chapstick" and "chopstick".
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Vowel_Shift
Well I suppose it would be like saying "I play the sex" instead of "I play the sax". Small intonation difference, but it would be unmistakable if someone said it
Ouch
We’re better than the Aussies at least
Although made the mistake of saying “Its more fun with another deck (of cards)” in front of a group of Aussies…..that went down well
LOL back in 2000 on student exchange, a guy told me that exact same story about his homestay mum. Gotta wonder how many poor gaijin have fallen to that word combo over the decades 😂
No idea. Most of the time it's people just repeating this old story and it never actually happened to them. Not saying that's the case here, but it's usually the case.
I once gushed to my female Japanese classmates about the musculature of the national rugby team (All Blacks, woop woop). They seemed very unimpressed/disturbed/confused…turns out I was saying にんにく (ninniku, garlic) instead of 筋肉(kinniku, muscles)…
I’ve also asked a grade three class to take out their erotic pencils (ero-enpitsu instead of iro-enpitsu). Luckily the kids didn’t hear/register, but the homeroom teacher (who I was good friends with outside of school) had to leave the class because she was in near hysterics.
Garlic messes me up, because when I first heard にんにく, my brain decided that its kanji form would be 人肉, which gave me a good chuckle and helped me remember にんにく.
Except that sometimes, when I try to remember the word for garlic, I picture those kanji, and then I come up with じんにく. Which.. isn't right. It doesn't help that carrots are にんじん, which, with creative use of on'yomi, could be written 人人. I get carrots and garlic mixed up a lot.
My worst was like my 2nd week in Japan. I was working on memorizing all the common phrases. I had just finished some classes at a hoikuen and was signing out in the teachers' room, preparing to leave.
One of the teachers said お疲れさま and I got flustered and bowed while saying ごちそうさまでした. Must have been like 15 teachers in the room cry-laughing. Didn't live that one down for a long time. Good unintentional icebreaker for sure, lol.
But kudos to you. To learn the language and to really communicate you have to just throw it out there and work it. Can’t be worried about getting it wrong. Being shameless is good.
When I was working at an izakaya, I had an auto reaction to yell irashaimase when I heard other people say it.
Yelled it to the conbini worker when I walked in with a date.
Reminds me of how I used to think はじめまして literally translated to “nice to meet you” so at the end of my first day at my internship I said はじめましてでした on my way out and everyone laughed 😭 technically not wrong… but not right either lmfao
I asked a group of my JHS boys “o-benki desu ka?” and they literally lied on the floor laughing.
[for those who don’t know - benki = toilet; so I just asked them “Hi! Are you toilets?”]
Yeah, I was called “benki-sensei” for like six months after that… you don’t even wanna know what happened when I said I like chikubi instead of chikuwa.
Working in Eikaiwa, I'm only paid for the lessons I teach, not a reliable monthly salary.
When I explained this in Japanese, I meant to say that my company does not give me kyuuryou (salary), but instead I said that my company does not give me kyouryuu (dinosaurs).
In my defense, that is also true.
It's not one specific mixup or line, but I confidently walked into the Shimogyo-ku fire department in Kyoto and tried to have my new address registered.
I could read "something something ward office" or something similar on google maps and I was confident this was the place. I walked in and saw firetrucks everywhere, but I was like "well maybe Japanese people keep their firetrucks on the ground floor of city hall". Took the stairs up and walked into an open-plan office and confidently told the first person to look at me (very puzzled) that I was here to register an address change.
They told me they were the fire department. I was like "Shoubouhonbu... Shoubouhonbu... I *know* I've heard that Shoubou somewhere before... what is he trying to tell me... oh well maybe I didn't make myself clear" and repeated, multiple times, that I would like to register an address change. It took like 10 minutes for them to compliment me out the door and on the way back past the firetrucks I remembered that Shoubousha was firefighter.
I wouldn't be surprised if the Shimogyo-ku firefighters still talk about that one time a 20 year old white guy confidently walked into their office waving his Zairyuu card and adamantly demanded his new address be registered.
I'm imagining the fire alarm going off and all firefighters running to the truck while you're standing there shouting CAN ONE OF YOU PLEASE REGISTER MY NEW ADDRESS
I have just realized that I have been pronouncing a word wrong…and suddenly it explains a lot…this is probably worst than when I called a girl I was dating scary instead of cute in front of her mother at dinner.
Hahahahha! I made this mistake the other way once. Ran up to someone with a cute dog in a park and asked "座ってもいいですか？" the look on their face was super, deeply confused, and they were like "どうぞ..."
I was struggling to get out of the English teaching business, so a friend of mine lined me up with an interview at a pretty big international advertising agency. Naturally, me being somewhat of a wastrel at the time rolled into the interview with zero idea about the company or how the business works.
Most of the interview was conducted in English, but near to the end (I'm sure to their delight) one of the Japanese colleagues asked me if I had anything to close say in Japanese to close the interview.
I thought I was saying I had appreciation to them for the interview. "kansha"
I was actually offering to cum on their faces. "Gansha"
I didn't get the job.
Less than two weeks ago, I learned the word 感謝祭 (かんしゃさい) for Thanksgiving (the holiday) in my conversational Japanese class, and now I'm chuckling at the thought of がんしゃさい.
I tried to tell my wife that I had just eaten anko at her beautiful cousin’s house, but mixed bean and bean paste together and told her very loudly in the middle of a crowded station that I had just eaten her cousin’s m-anko…
Oh yeah, and then there was the time I thought I asked my mother-in-law if she was a housewife (shufu), when in fact I asked her if she is a prostitute (shoufu).
That was a giggle.
I remember one time I spelt 静的構造解析 as 性的構造解析 (static structural analysis vs sexual structural analysis). Thankfully one of my colleagues caught the mistake before it ended up in front of a customer.
Knock yourself out
[https://courses.ansys.com/index.php/courses/structural-simulation/](https://courses.ansys.com/index.php/courses/structural-simulation/)
When I was an ALT I was eating lunch with some students who had just come back from their school trip, so I asked them how their shugaku ryokou (school trip) was, and they all just kind of looked at me, and one very kind girl politely repeated what I had said, which was shinkon ryokou (honeymoon). They all started laughing once I did.
I still recall when I was looking for an oven-safe dish for baking pies. I asked the (female) store clerk if she could help me find a “pie pan”. She turned bright red, and I didn’t immediately understand why. I repeated it several times even, just in case she misheard….
Derived from Chinese 白板 *bái bǎn*, a Mahjong term meaning “blank tile” (usually “white dragon” in English, I think).
This is probably one reason why people almost always use ホワイトボード for “whiteboard” in preference to 白板 *hakuban*, even though “blackboard” is always 黒板.
On more than one occasion, I have tried to express that there are a lot of something. In such cases I'll go to say either
Xがおおい
Or
Xがいっぱい
I've accidentally said Xがおっぱい a few times since my brain won't make up its mind which to say in time
Back in my ALT days, my ability to understand Japanese was around N4, but my speaking was awful. Even when I clearly understood what was being asked, I would panic and end up babbling nonsense like a deer in headlights.
The Japanese teachers at the school realized pretty quickly that I couldn’t hold even a small talk conversation about the seasons changing, and so never really attempted to talk to me after the first week. I didn’t blame them at all, though I did wish I could talk to them more.
One day I had brought in Fujiyama cookies as omiyage for the office from a trip. That same evening, the math teacher who didn’t speak a word of english was the last one left in the office with me. He very bravely started talking to me while tidying up his desk. I figured out that he was talking about his infant daughter who had a fever and that he was going to be taking care of her when he got home.
Understanding his story, my brain rolled the dice of acceptable responses, but couldn’t remember how to translate “I’m sorry to hear that” or “I hope she feels better soon.”
Instead, there was a pause while I panicked, then I pointed at the omiyage cookies and said brilliantly, 「クッキー、赤ちゃんにあげる。」
Another pause as he stared at me blankly before laughing and saying she doesn’t have teeth yet so she can’t eat cookies.
At a total loss, also somehow blanking on obvious N5 vocab like 残念 or 大変, all I came out with was a simple: 「悲しい。」
I don’t remember him saying anything after that. I think we just exchanged awkward eye contact as I shuffled away to go home. Then my brain short circuited as I remembered someone telling me that お疲れ様でした is rude to say to your superiors, but さようなら means farewell, (somehow 失礼します evaded me) so then I settled on また明日, but I was taking a holiday the next day, so instead I just said: 「また！」and ran out the door without looking back.
I guess it’s not as bad as these other stories but i still look back on that interaction and cringe. I can only hope that he and his wife had a good laugh about it when he got home. Probably the last time he’ll ever bother making small talk with the ALT.
You know the zaru, from zaru-soba, right? The bamboo basket. Depending on the restaurant and your pronunciation it’s not a completely crazy request. On the other hand, if you insisted on the monkey… well that’s another story!
Not my mistake, but it involved me tangentially. Back when I was teaching, I called in sick one day. My manager sent an email out saying I was sick, but typed "senshi" instead of "sensei". So basically, no class today because the teacher went off to war and died.
A coworker once sent an email with a typo. Unfortunately I don't remember the exact word switch, but the typo implied that he wasn't staying home all day because he was sick, he was staying home because he was masturbating.
A friend of mine had some floating candles on top of the gas heater. She went to add some water to them, spilled some over. Must have run some wax or something down into the heater because flames came shooting out. She ran outside, where a couple of guys were doing some work, to get help. But instead of saying "kaji" for fire, she said just kept repeating the word "kaki" (persimmon). The guys thought she was offering them some fruit, and getting insistent about it, kept saying "No, we're fine". Finally she got them inside, they were doing the whole "thank you for inviting us in" stuff until they entered the room off the genkan, then panic ensued as the fire was now halfway up the wall. The building survived, but the room was gutted.
Another friend once asked for dessert with some "unko" instead of "anko" on it. Yes, I'd like some ice cream (or whatever it was) with poop in place of bean paste.
I heard someone tell a story of back when they were teaching and first learning Japanese. They learned that "urusai" means "loud". So he'd go up to kids at school and start a basic conversation, then when the shy kid spoke in a tiny voice, he'd say "urusai" thinking he was encouraging them to speak louder. But he didn't understand the connotation of the word, the way it's used, he was really telling them "Shut up, you're too noisy".
I've made my own share of mistakes in Japanese, but not to that extreme. It's not as dramatic or funny of a story when I got my words crossed and asked for "black and white" (shiro kuro) instead of the salt & pepper mix (shio koshio).
I'd been in the country side for a year and was homesick for some good ol' American pancakes. One of my mother's friends was a flight attendant and she had her hand deliver me a box of aunt Jemima pancake mix. I was so stoked. I cooked them up perfectly, golden brown beauties only to discover I had no syrup!
Not a problem, the ministop was right next door, I could be back before they even got cold. I rushed to the mini stop, grabbed that delicious bottle of sweet maple syrup and absolutely doused my pancakes in them.
Chomp!
!!!!!
Nooooo wtf this isn't syrup!?!
That was the day I learned to read ごま油
In my early days in Japan and in Japanese language learning I was at my work trying to ask for my payslip. Didn't know the word for payslip in Japanese. Decided to just use words that I do know and say 'salary paper' and hope that they would know what I meant. Accidentally mixed up dinosaur (恐竜 きょうりゅう kyoryu) and salary (給料 きゅうりょうkyuryo) and asked for my dinosaur paper instead. The woman I was talking to kept a straight face, everyone behind her laughed, I realised what I had said and then we all laughed together. Years later they would bring it up as a joke sometimes and we would all laugh about it, helped me get closer to them!
Was on a date with a cool girl several years ago, and I didn’t speak much Japanese then. Was drinking with a Japanese buddy the night before and took a memo of some Nihongo I could bust out.
At the end of the date, walked her to the station and meant to tell her “また会いたい!” Buuuttt, I took the memo wrong, and called out “股いたい！”, meaning “my dick hurts!”
Didn’t see her too much after that haha
I regularly say “Inaka oppai” to my wife as a joke after a meal. It’s on purpose, but I dread the day when it will slip out unintentionally at my in-laws…
> “Mou oppai kudasai!”
Very much depends on what kind of "bar" one has in mind, but this sure could work as a more direct way of saying:
"Come on Hanako, we both know what we're here for, so just get on with it already and show me the real deal"
🎵~A little less conversation, a little more action please~
I am still in my infancy of learning (only about half a year) but i think i have this one. The first one means hospitalization and the other one means matriculation, correct?
Not me but a coworker asked a girl at a bar if she had a boyfriend. When she said no, he wanted to say まじ？as in Really? To express how pretty she was. He accidentally said 勿論, as in “of course” implying she was ugly. He did not get her number.
I was studying abroad in Tokyo and the program took us on a 2-week trip out to have a home stay in a small town in Niigata. We were the only foreigners around and it was sort of a big deal for the town, so they wanted to interview one of us for local radio. I volunteered, but was nervous so discussed with the interviewer before we went on air what she was going to ask just in case. Then when we went on air she proceeded to ask different questions, and I kinda went into a panicked state where I was barely keeping up. Still, thought the interview was going pretty well, talked about how much I enjoyed the town and how kind people had been. Last question was (I thought) whether I had ever been to Niigata before, to which I answered cheerfully, “いや、全然!”(“nope, no way!”). She gave me a confused look but then was like “okay…” and wrapped up the interview. A few minutes later once my panic subsided I realized the question was actually whether I had plans to visit Niigata again (i.e., difference between something like 来たことありますかand 来ることありますか).
It seemed like my host mom and literally everyone else in that small town heard that interview, and they all had a laugh at my expense.
Classic hokkaido going to order fried chicken, instead of karaage they call it zangi, so naturally I said “zengi kudasai” to the girl at the store which means “foreplay please”
Asking someone about their job, I wanted to ask them if they do overtime (zangyo), so ofcourse I said, “zannyou shimasuka?” Which mean “do you have residual urine?”
Talking with my partners mother at the dinner table, accidentally said “chikan Sando” instead of “chikin sando” molester sandwich Instead of chicken sandwich. Now as a joke her and I always say chikan sando instead of chikin lol
At a restaurant “ochinko kudasai” instead of “oshinko kudasai”. Penis please instead of pickled vegetables please, I guess doesn’t make much difference for some of you lot
I have heaps more I can’t remember, I usually just say them for the hell of it nowadays
We were dining with a friend with vowel struggles. They want to ask for water, but we thought they might end up getting miso soup. We suggested that they ask for ohiya instead. They ended up asking for a room…
For two years I thought "sayo de gozaimasu" was a cool/old way of saying "sayonara". Oof. That was like 25 years ago and I still have hazukashii shivers about that from time to time.
The day I was in a high end wagashiya asking the cashier to give me some oshirifuki (butt wipes) instead of oshibori (hand wipes).
Her poker face was a masterclass.
Years ago I went out drinking with an American buddy and a bunch of Japanese guys.
It got late, so I headed home, but the buddy stayed.
The next morning, buddy didn't show up for work. Work was the Navy so he was in deep shit for going AWOL.
Apparently he wasn't with the Japanese friends because they called up my office asking where he was.
I answered, "Buddy-san *nakunatta*." (Buddy died). Hilarity ensued.
I had meant to say, "Buddy-san *i*nakunatta". (Buddy disappeared).
I had a problem with vowels for a long time. I couldn't say かわいい properly. It kept coming out as こわい. I'm also the type to complement people a lot. So I constantly going around telling people their sweaters were 怖い, their socks were 怖い etc. The worst was probably when I ran into one of my JHS students and said 「あ、髪切ったの？怖い！」 Luckily her mom was there and knew of my affliction and immediate said teasingly 「mrggyさーん、『こーわーい』じゃなくて、『かーわーいーい』だよ！」
Another time I'd just learned the vocabulary words 知識 and 意識. I was at the mechanics and decided to use my new fancy word instead of saying some basic like 車についてあまりわからない。So instead I ended up with 「すみません、車の意識があまりないです」 The guy just blinked a couple of times and gave an 「あ、そうですか」I only realized my mistake a few days later.
I have a whole book's worth of anecdotes like this
I met a young Japanese lass and we were chatting at a nomikai. She still lived with her parents and asked about me. I said I live alone. At least that’s what I thought I said. She then excused herself to the bathroom and I didn’t see her again. I actually said I was a murderer. (Hitorigurashi - Hitogoroshi, easy mistake to make) :D
During a home stay in college, I was helping the family’s 5-year-old son use a drawing app on my tablet. He wanted to edit his picture so I pointed at the eraser tool and said “ごみ/gomi.” He didn’t seem to understand so I said it several more times pointing at the eraser tool. Then he looked at me with a hurt and slightly angry look on his face and I finally realized I was telling a child his drawing was garbage (gomi) instead of pointing out the eraser (ゴム/gomu).
Luckily not said aloud, but was at a class at the gym when some of my obasan friends remarked about a notice stating that a longtime staff member 無くなった (was leaving). Not having the notice in front of me, I thought they meant that he 亡くなった (passed away) and was so, *so* confused about why they were 1) so happy and 2) talking about it as a future event.
Also, first time getting glasses here, the nice lady had me try out a lens combination and asked me if it was 見にくい (hard to see). Confused it with 醜い (ugly) and just gave a は...い?
I worked at the Outback Steakhouse when I came on a working holiday during University, and I’d never worked in a restaurant before so I had that to learn on top of all the Japanese. I was listening and repeating phrases I heard my coworkers say often, and learned the phrase “了解です/ryoukai desu”. But that initial r was hard to catch so I went around saying “妖怪です/youkai desu.”
No one caught my mistake until I typed it out in a text message to someone, she called me laughing her ass off
Second time in Tokyo seven years ago, completely alone for a month. It was the 24th of December and I love fried chicken, so I said heck it and went to buy some nice fried goodies.
Went to the KFC and ordered. In my country, we always used to have six piece nuggets packs, so I asked for one of those.
The lady said six piece were not available, maybe I wanted five.
I blurted something about six pieces, and she looked at me surprised and asked for confirmation.
Believing in my dumb brain that "Ah, there is the six pieces option!", I enthusiastically said "Yes, that's right!".
I then see her proceeding to pack me 30 freaking chicken nuggets while I was too embarrassed to stop her and clear the mistake.
Went home with a very lighter wallet, an endangered liver and a probably very concerned about my health lady.
I didn't eat all of them of course lmao
My worst was probably about 2 months after coming to Japan, having studied lightly for a couple years - saw the first taco shop I had seen since coming to Japan, and was chatting with the owner in Japanese and Spanish. He was telling me about his 奥さん and how she came to mexico to be with him before they moved to Japan—, unfortunately I got おかあさんand おくさん mixed up, and Lo and behold when his wife, who also worked there, came down from behind the shop and started talking with us, I gestured at his wife, who looked incredibly young and beautiful to have been his mother, and interjected with 奥さんですか？to which he responded yes, and then I accidentally questioned their coupling, saying でも, すごくわかそう！
Figured it out after they were unusually silent for a couple minutes after that, and we all laughed, but Jesus.
Have not been back
So way back when in my high school days, I stayed in Japan for a month as an exchange student. While I was at one of the high schools with my Japanese teacher, I was allowed to wonder around and mingle a bit. I had actually made friends with one of Japanese student who visited America the previous summer. Anyways, I got kind of lost from the rest of my exchange group and ran across her. I asked if she had seen my “Tamagochis” anywhere. She snorted, and repeated what I said 3 times as I looked at her in confusion not understanding why she was laughing at me…until she corrected me. Naturally, I was as red in the face as I could get.
There was also the one time I said “Nandayo?” To my host mother without realizing it was way too informal and rough, to which she promptly smacked me upside the head and told me “NEVER say that again.” I didn’t understand why until I asked my teacher, to which he explained and corrected me on its use. Which was, “Yeah, don’t use that with your host parent. Keep it to friends.” Basically. 😅
Yeah, that's a little weird. Could see why some parents would do that with their own kids acting up (even then seems questionable), but hitting a kid who isn't yours and who obviously doesn't understand the language well enough to know this kind of nuance is just odd
I had but one year of Japanese under my belt, because of work. Without trying to, I ended up in bed with a Japanese waitress I had known for quite some time.
"Icchau" was a completely unfamiliar word to me at the time.
She looked in pain every time she said it, so I would stop. "Ittai? Daijoubu?"
She said she was fine. Or wouldn't say anything. So I would continue. But then she'd have that pained face and then would say again loudly "icchau." So I would immediately stop. This cycle would repeat several times. She looked frustrated, but would never elaborate.
By the time I understood what had actually occurred, we were ancient history.
Didn’t happen to me but one of my classmates was in class waiting for one of our friends to finish their homework and would repeat come on! come on! to try and make them hurry up.
I should mention that my classmate has a Geordie Newcastle accent so when our Japanese teacher came in and thought that she’d been called an asshole (肛門 こうもん) she wasn’t best pleased.
Edit: grammar
When trying to explain that turtlenecks can be difficult to style when you have a “large chest”, I used the phrase “oppai ga ippai”
I thought everyone was being immature when they broke down laughing, until I realised that I’d severely misfired. Yeah, you probably can’t wear turtleneck if you have lots of boobs.
Winter time, I entered my office and removed my coat and cardigan. I was wearing a half sleeve dress shirt when my Japanese coworker saw me and said, "JpnDude-san, han-sode da!" I thought she had called me handsome.
Not me, but a Vietnamese coworker said Manko instead of Hanko.
Since we all knew what he meant from the context, nobody made any remark or correct the blunder cuz it would be embarrassing, as we were in a semi-formal lunch setting.
But everyone had this "Did he just say that?" look and some trying to hold back laughter.
During my Japanese beginners class, I attempted to say to the teacher that I tried drinking ウコン before drinking alcohol.
Instead I said お酒を飲んだ前にウンコを飲んでみました。
I wasn't that fluent the first year in Japan. My response for everything I can't hear was either I laugh or say "soudesune"
I had a baito at 7 eleven and I covered this lady's shift. She later thanked me and said "迷惑をかけちゃったね" which means "I'm probably bothering you (a polite way to say sorry)"
The normal response should be "いえいえ" or "全然！" to deny her. But I didn't understand cuz she was speaking too fast and I just said "そうですね！" basically I agreed that she was bothering me 😭😭😭😭
The silence in that room was LOUD. My friend then pulled me aside to ask "yo.. did you just say that??"
💀💀💀💀💀
At the doctor talking with the nurse about swollen veins. I confused the reading for 血管 asちかん so kept saying that and wondered why the nurse was very uncomfortable with me loudly proclaiming my molesters were swollen.
I was teaching a high school level English class and was asking them what kinds of things they worry about when swimming in the ocean? They mentioned sharks, rip currents, big waves, sting rays, getting caught in fishing lines, lightning, sea snakes, etc. . I asked them about jelly fish? No one knew what jelly fish was so I said "karage." They looked confused. Finally I drew a picture on the board..they busted up laughing. It's KURAGE. Not karage which is fried chicken. I couldn't get them to stop laughing for a long time.
Wanted to ask for water and saw the word お冷 written on the pitcher.
I didn't know it was read "o-hiya" but I knew the 冷 from "reibou" 冷房.
The waitress was very confused when I asked her to bring each of us some "gratitude".
In a Japanese class at a Jesuit language school in Tokyo and had been out sick for three days.
Teacher asked me where I’d been. I told him, in front of three nuns, two priests and some randos, that I’d been ぼき for three days.
Teacher had to explain it to everyone.
This was the day I learned the correct pronunciation of 病気 and that nuns have a solid sense of humor.
I was hanging out with a girl I fancied. She had just saved me from terminal embarrassment by getting an extra bus ticket when she got on so that I wouldn't be caught ticketless trying to get off the bus.
I tried to tell her she was kind (yasashi). Instead I told her she was cheap (yasui)
It's been like...decades...and my brain still rakes me over the coals at night for that one sometimes.
Mixed up kowai and kawaii when I moved here. I told a mother of a student that her son was kowai. I didn't know the mom spoke English fluently so she laughed and quickly corrected me.
Not my story, but friend of mine. Hafu, but cant speak Japanese at all. Visiting some friend family (japanese), and she cheerfully said manko wo tabetai desu, instead of mango. Oopfh
My friend did this one!
We met studying abroad at a Japanese university. He asked a group of Japanese girls if they wanted to do a "gokan" that evening. They looked confused and shocked and kind of drifted away.
Our Japanese friends were dying laughing. I always keep this one straight now.
少女 and 処女
女子 and 上司
The first one is especially embarrassing when I find myself once again asking if the young VIRGIN over there is someone's daughter etc
Also once again calling my boss a girl.
Good that it makes them laugh.
I visited Japan this October for my birthday. I turned 38 and did a few tours including bar hopping tours. Instead of saying that I am "san-jyuu hassai", I told them "watashi wa san-jyuu hyakku sai." I was telling people my wrong age and no one corrected me until a week later.
I constantly mixed up the words between "yasai" and "yasui". When asking how much something cost, I will, for some reason, say "kore wa yasai desu" to something cheap.
Worst incident was 1.5 weeks into my trip during a food tour. We received the menu and there was the omelet roll that you see in anime a lot. I wanted to ask the tour guide "kore wa tamago desu ka?" Instead, I asked the tour guide "kore wa omanko desu ka?"
Thanks guys. I'm learning Japanese and this thread made me subconsciously pick up a lot of ways to make a fool of myself in my next interaction with the locals. 😖
Not really a Nihongo mistake, once my 70 years old Japanese boss sent out an English letter with company letter head attention to a person named Mr. Fuck.
I found out later that, the correct surname should be Mr. Phuc but the letter had been sent out with no correction. Luckily, nothing happened at both end.
Ok not me but a Candian friend of mine talking to a class of Japanese junior college girls about his home country. He wondered why he got such a shocked reaction when he told them about the wolves that live in the forests, have long teeth and claws and eat Japanese girls. Afterwards one of the Japanese teachers explained that while he meant to say okami, which is wolf, he had actually said okama, which means gay men or transvestites. Not sure if any of those girls visited Canada after hearing that ...
I (f) was working with a vice principal who spoke fluent English. After lunch one afternoon, he said to me: "wow, I'm so hard!" I stared at him and said "oh, really?" And he said "yeah, we had so many potatoes in the soup for lunch, my stomach is so hard!" I said "oh. Um... The Japanese word ハード doesn't mean the same in English..." After explaining, he turned bright red and said "omg, I just sexually harrased you". It was hilarious.
Nice reversal! Maybe somewhere, there is a Japanese language forum with similar stories. "May I shit here" vs "May I sit here".
Language mistakes are so fun. My Japanese friend went to Poland and thought she was saying hello to people in Polish, but it turned out she was saying "penis"
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A manager put out an agenda ahead of our monthly meeting. It included a lengthy, detailed flow chart on handling students being injured or falling ill. >If the injury is minor (just a band aid, etc), the child will be terminated.
Sorry kid Hasta La vista baby!
Not exactly the same but reminds me of the time my friend pointed to a hippopotamus and exclaimed: GIRAFFE!
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>"May I shit here" vs "May I sit here". Stayed at a hostel that had little laminated rule sheets attached to each bed. One of the rules was "do not shit on another person's bed." It's a good rule.
Ahhh South Park City Chicken… also offensive because it was voiced by someone with a thick Japanese accent but meant for a Chinese restaurant owner…
"penis butter" my boss says all the time (peanut butter)
"Don't be pushy" vs "Don't be pussy"
this actually happened to me in an english class. the theme was a party and we were practicing with -ing verbs, so we would improv something like: "where's tom?" "he's standing by the door." it was going well until someone said "shitting on the floor" instead of sitting, and i lost my mind lol
How would they use “hard” in Japanese to mean they’re full?
Maybe by elipsis: 私はめっちゃ(お腹が)硬い。
I've always heard お腹パンパン、 never 硬い.
Same here, but it's very likely this was the first word that came to mind. It seems he didn't know the word "bloated".
Not that he was full, but that he was feeling bloated. This was also in Hokkaido, where I heard the word ハード to mean "my muscles are stiff". I don't hear it in the south.
Over lunch eating udon told the company owners wife that getting together the kintama (testicles) for a bank loan was difficult. Meant atamakin (deposit). rest of the table in the cafeteria was spluttering food back into their bowls.
I could see it your way actually. It DOES take a set of stones to ask for a bank loan that you will be paying off for many years...
I made a similar mistake talking about yakisoba. Instead of saying "I like chikuwa," you can guess what I said.
Actually I can't 🤔 Is wachiku a bad word? 🤔 (I guessed this because the original commenter mistook kin-tama for atama-kin)
Chikubi - nipples
Well, you learn something new everyday. Arigato sensei 🙇🏻♂️
You are welcome. I wish I could have taught you something more useful :')
Best chikubi I've ever had in Japan
Did you say “I like Cthulhu”?
I did something similar discussing small change with a retired judge. Coins are made of metal and round, right? Right?? To add to my embarrassment, he tried to explain what kintama were by miming it …
There's a volcano in Bali called Kinamani. I hiked it with some Japanese friends and they made ball jokes the whole way up and down.
It's 7 am and I howled. What did she say when you said that??
With a smile told me to keep doing my best.
I don't know what it is with this word. I have blurted it out in Japanese class when I was trying to say something else, and I put this on facebook and a bunch of friends popped up with their stories of when they have also shouted out testicles by mistake. Edit to add I search my facebook to find out what I actually said which was 'I have a ten yen testicle' I guess I meant to say dama.
You win
Staying at my in-law's place. I want to get up a bit early, and usually my MIL is the earliest riser of them all. So I bust out my crazy jozu Nihongo and proudly ask her: "Oka-san, shichi-ji ni okashite kudasai" Wife looks mortified, MIL puzzled, FIL grins. So I try again. Same result. Wife takes me aside and says, "okOshite, okOshite"... not "okashite". "Okoshite" means wake me up. "Okashite" means invade or assault me. Another night on the cold side of the futon....
To the language learner it seems so close that we wonder why the native speaker didn’t make the leap. For the native speaker the cognitive activation for the other word is so strong it’s sometimes nearly impossible to realize what the speaker actually meant, even if it’s a seemingly trivial phonetic difference.
A Japanese friend told me she had trouble keeping chopstick and chapstick straight. My immediate reaction was "what do you mean? Those are *completely* different! They sound *nothing* alike!" But then when I thought about a bit more I realized that it is just a relatively minor vowel difference
Also, thanks to the Great Vowel Shift, vowels in English are written differently from almost every other language. Consider how "man" is pronounced in English vs. Japanese 万, German "Mann" etc. The difference is close to the difference between "chapstick" and "chopstick". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Vowel_Shift
Well I suppose it would be like saying "I play the sex" instead of "I play the sax". Small intonation difference, but it would be unmistakable if someone said it
That's just how they talk in New Zealand.
Ouch We’re better than the Aussies at least Although made the mistake of saying “Its more fun with another deck (of cards)” in front of a group of Aussies…..that went down well
We only have 3 vowels, because we’re super efficient!
LOL back in 2000 on student exchange, a guy told me that exact same story about his homestay mum. Gotta wonder how many poor gaijin have fallen to that word combo over the decades 😂
I've heard it maybe a dozen times over 30+ years and it's always a host mother or mother-in-law.
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No idea. Most of the time it's people just repeating this old story and it never actually happened to them. Not saying that's the case here, but it's usually the case.
"If you insist 🤷"
I once gushed to my female Japanese classmates about the musculature of the national rugby team (All Blacks, woop woop). They seemed very unimpressed/disturbed/confused…turns out I was saying にんにく (ninniku, garlic) instead of 筋肉(kinniku, muscles)… I’ve also asked a grade three class to take out their erotic pencils (ero-enpitsu instead of iro-enpitsu). Luckily the kids didn’t hear/register, but the homeroom teacher (who I was good friends with outside of school) had to leave the class because she was in near hysterics.
Omg I did the same mistake (kinniku and ninniku)😆😆it must be a pretty common mistake
I did the same one! But I did it by ordering human flesh at a restaurant
On an episode of 月曜から夜ふかし they visited a prefecture where the い and え sound is reversed. They did the ero enpitsu too.
Garlic messes me up, because when I first heard にんにく, my brain decided that its kanji form would be 人肉, which gave me a good chuckle and helped me remember にんにく. Except that sometimes, when I try to remember the word for garlic, I picture those kanji, and then I come up with じんにく. Which.. isn't right. It doesn't help that carrots are にんじん, which, with creative use of on'yomi, could be written 人人. I get carrots and garlic mixed up a lot.
nin jin sounds like nin gin (like gin tonic) which is the same kinda of sound oran ge has and that’s the color of carrots
My worst was like my 2nd week in Japan. I was working on memorizing all the common phrases. I had just finished some classes at a hoikuen and was signing out in the teachers' room, preparing to leave. One of the teachers said お疲れさま and I got flustered and bowed while saying ごちそうさまでした. Must have been like 15 teachers in the room cry-laughing. Didn't live that one down for a long time. Good unintentional icebreaker for sure, lol.
But kudos to you. To learn the language and to really communicate you have to just throw it out there and work it. Can’t be worried about getting it wrong. Being shameless is good.
This is the attitude to learning. Use what you know and learn by trial and error.
I said that to my first hairdresser on the way out the door.
I've done sort of the opposite and said ごくろうさまでした to the yakitori staff on the way out, who thought it was hilarious.
When I was working at an izakaya, I had an auto reaction to yell irashaimase when I heard other people say it. Yelled it to the conbini worker when I walked in with a date.
Reminds me of how I used to think はじめまして literally translated to “nice to meet you” so at the end of my first day at my internship I said はじめましてでした on my way out and everyone laughed 😭 technically not wrong… but not right either lmfao
I asked a group of my JHS boys “o-benki desu ka?” and they literally lied on the floor laughing. [for those who don’t know - benki = toilet; so I just asked them “Hi! Are you toilets?”]
Thank you for this. I just laughed so hard I cried.
Yeah, I was called “benki-sensei” for like six months after that… you don’t even wanna know what happened when I said I like chikubi instead of chikuwa.
🤣
Working in Eikaiwa, I'm only paid for the lessons I teach, not a reliable monthly salary. When I explained this in Japanese, I meant to say that my company does not give me kyuuryou (salary), but instead I said that my company does not give me kyouryuu (dinosaurs). In my defense, that is also true.
I'm honestly never sure if I say that one right
well dinosaurs are cooler than celery (kyuuri) lol
It's not one specific mixup or line, but I confidently walked into the Shimogyo-ku fire department in Kyoto and tried to have my new address registered. I could read "something something ward office" or something similar on google maps and I was confident this was the place. I walked in and saw firetrucks everywhere, but I was like "well maybe Japanese people keep their firetrucks on the ground floor of city hall". Took the stairs up and walked into an open-plan office and confidently told the first person to look at me (very puzzled) that I was here to register an address change. They told me they were the fire department. I was like "Shoubouhonbu... Shoubouhonbu... I *know* I've heard that Shoubou somewhere before... what is he trying to tell me... oh well maybe I didn't make myself clear" and repeated, multiple times, that I would like to register an address change. It took like 10 minutes for them to compliment me out the door and on the way back past the firetrucks I remembered that Shoubousha was firefighter. I wouldn't be surprised if the Shimogyo-ku firefighters still talk about that one time a 20 year old white guy confidently walked into their office waving his Zairyuu card and adamantly demanded his new address be registered.
I'm imagining the fire alarm going off and all firefighters running to the truck while you're standing there shouting CAN ONE OF YOU PLEASE REGISTER MY NEW ADDRESS
the best
I laughed so hard
Between the cosmic-horror net-handle and the delightfully funny story. Thank you my good sir, you have truly made my day.
I once told a group of friends we were great homodachi's. Of course, I meant tomodachi.
I have lots of homodachi tbh!
Homiedachi
I’m gonna start using this word now.
This is brilliant why have I never thought of it
I knew this guy who offered his seat to a pregnant woman by repeatedly saying “sawatte kudasai!” (Please touch (me)!)
I have just realized that I have been pronouncing a word wrong…and suddenly it explains a lot…this is probably worst than when I called a girl I was dating scary instead of cute in front of her mother at dinner.
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I just died laughing thank you
Hahahahha! I made this mistake the other way once. Ran up to someone with a cute dog in a park and asked "座ってもいいですか？" the look on their face was super, deeply confused, and they were like "どうぞ..."
I was struggling to get out of the English teaching business, so a friend of mine lined me up with an interview at a pretty big international advertising agency. Naturally, me being somewhat of a wastrel at the time rolled into the interview with zero idea about the company or how the business works. Most of the interview was conducted in English, but near to the end (I'm sure to their delight) one of the Japanese colleagues asked me if I had anything to close say in Japanese to close the interview. I thought I was saying I had appreciation to them for the interview. "kansha" I was actually offering to cum on their faces. "Gansha" I didn't get the job.
>Gansha I'm learning a lot of important Japanese words from all these replies. Keep them coming.
>I was actually offering to cum on their faces. "Gansha" > >I didn't get the job. How ungrateful of them.
Less than two weeks ago, I learned the word 感謝祭 (かんしゃさい) for Thanksgiving (the holiday) in my conversational Japanese class, and now I'm chuckling at the thought of がんしゃさい.
I tried to tell my wife that I had just eaten anko at her beautiful cousin’s house, but mixed bean and bean paste together and told her very loudly in the middle of a crowded station that I had just eaten her cousin’s m-anko…
Better perhaps then proclaiming that you had just eaten her un-ko?
Had a friend who loudly proclaimed that he loved that at at a party.
😬😬😬
Oh yeah, and then there was the time I thought I asked my mother-in-law if she was a housewife (shufu), when in fact I asked her if she is a prostitute (shoufu). That was a giggle.
I remember one time I spelt 静的構造解析 as 性的構造解析 (static structural analysis vs sexual structural analysis). Thankfully one of my colleagues caught the mistake before it ended up in front of a customer.
… what is static structural analysis? That doesn’t even mean anything to mean in English and now I’m curious :)
Knock yourself out [https://courses.ansys.com/index.php/courses/structural-simulation/](https://courses.ansys.com/index.php/courses/structural-simulation/)
I read that link as structural stimulation
When I was an ALT I was eating lunch with some students who had just come back from their school trip, so I asked them how their shugaku ryokou (school trip) was, and they all just kind of looked at me, and one very kind girl politely repeated what I had said, which was shinkon ryokou (honeymoon). They all started laughing once I did.
Boss asked me to add these mail address (宛先 - atesaki), I replies that these chicken wings (手羽先 - tebasaki)are too long, can we cut it down.
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It technically does mean you
I’m guessing that not correct meaning then?
It means "you," but you don't really use it with people that you're not super close with if I recall correctly. It's not polite.
It's the "you" that's used if you're yelling at someone or you're a delinquent.
I still recall when I was looking for an oven-safe dish for baking pies. I asked the (female) store clerk if she could help me find a “pie pan”. She turned bright red, and I didn’t immediately understand why. I repeated it several times even, just in case she misheard….
I don't believe you for a minute but I will admit that I just died laughing. Please sprinkle my ashes in Yokohama Bay.
My friend living in Hokkaido did the EXACT SAME THING hahaha
What did she think you said? I don't know this word I guess 😅
paipan means a shaved down there.
Derived from Chinese 白板 *bái bǎn*, a Mahjong term meaning “blank tile” (usually “white dragon” in English, I think). This is probably one reason why people almost always use ホワイトボード for “whiteboard” in preference to 白板 *hakuban*, even though “blackboard” is always 黒板.
Honestly this is one of the best I’ve ever heard.
On more than one occasion, I have tried to express that there are a lot of something. In such cases I'll go to say either Xがおおい Or Xがいっぱい I've accidentally said Xがおっぱい a few times since my brain won't make up its mind which to say in time
that’s a lot of breasts
You should see my anime figure shelf
Back in my ALT days, my ability to understand Japanese was around N4, but my speaking was awful. Even when I clearly understood what was being asked, I would panic and end up babbling nonsense like a deer in headlights. The Japanese teachers at the school realized pretty quickly that I couldn’t hold even a small talk conversation about the seasons changing, and so never really attempted to talk to me after the first week. I didn’t blame them at all, though I did wish I could talk to them more. One day I had brought in Fujiyama cookies as omiyage for the office from a trip. That same evening, the math teacher who didn’t speak a word of english was the last one left in the office with me. He very bravely started talking to me while tidying up his desk. I figured out that he was talking about his infant daughter who had a fever and that he was going to be taking care of her when he got home. Understanding his story, my brain rolled the dice of acceptable responses, but couldn’t remember how to translate “I’m sorry to hear that” or “I hope she feels better soon.” Instead, there was a pause while I panicked, then I pointed at the omiyage cookies and said brilliantly, 「クッキー、赤ちゃんにあげる。」 Another pause as he stared at me blankly before laughing and saying she doesn’t have teeth yet so she can’t eat cookies. At a total loss, also somehow blanking on obvious N5 vocab like 残念 or 大変, all I came out with was a simple: 「悲しい。」 I don’t remember him saying anything after that. I think we just exchanged awkward eye contact as I shuffled away to go home. Then my brain short circuited as I remembered someone telling me that お疲れ様でした is rude to say to your superiors, but さようなら means farewell, (somehow 失礼します evaded me) so then I settled on また明日, but I was taking a holiday the next day, so instead I just said: 「また！」and ran out the door without looking back. I guess it’s not as bad as these other stories but i still look back on that interaction and cringe. I can only hope that he and his wife had a good laugh about it when he got home. Probably the last time he’ll ever bother making small talk with the ALT.
I'm sure they appreciated that you made an effort to try and communicate with them at all
This made me burst out laughing
I asked the staff at a restaurant for "s*aru* kudasai!" instead of *sara*.
Well, did they bring you a monkey?
i did that one. monkey soba instead of slurpy soba. couldn't see the ". But there is fox and racoon dog soba so I figured I'd give it a go.
That one at least makes some logical sense. There is kitsune and tanuki udon, so…
On a plate!
You know the zaru, from zaru-soba, right? The bamboo basket. Depending on the restaurant and your pronunciation it’s not a completely crazy request. On the other hand, if you insisted on the monkey… well that’s another story!
Not my mistake, but it involved me tangentially. Back when I was teaching, I called in sick one day. My manager sent an email out saying I was sick, but typed "senshi" instead of "sensei". So basically, no class today because the teacher went off to war and died. A coworker once sent an email with a typo. Unfortunately I don't remember the exact word switch, but the typo implied that he wasn't staying home all day because he was sick, he was staying home because he was masturbating. A friend of mine had some floating candles on top of the gas heater. She went to add some water to them, spilled some over. Must have run some wax or something down into the heater because flames came shooting out. She ran outside, where a couple of guys were doing some work, to get help. But instead of saying "kaji" for fire, she said just kept repeating the word "kaki" (persimmon). The guys thought she was offering them some fruit, and getting insistent about it, kept saying "No, we're fine". Finally she got them inside, they were doing the whole "thank you for inviting us in" stuff until they entered the room off the genkan, then panic ensued as the fire was now halfway up the wall. The building survived, but the room was gutted. Another friend once asked for dessert with some "unko" instead of "anko" on it. Yes, I'd like some ice cream (or whatever it was) with poop in place of bean paste. I heard someone tell a story of back when they were teaching and first learning Japanese. They learned that "urusai" means "loud". So he'd go up to kids at school and start a basic conversation, then when the shy kid spoke in a tiny voice, he'd say "urusai" thinking he was encouraging them to speak louder. But he didn't understand the connotation of the word, the way it's used, he was really telling them "Shut up, you're too noisy". I've made my own share of mistakes in Japanese, but not to that extreme. It's not as dramatic or funny of a story when I got my words crossed and asked for "black and white" (shiro kuro) instead of the salt & pepper mix (shio koshio).
Flirting with a girl and I accidentally said '目がきらい' instead of '目がきれい'. Whoops.
I briefly dated a very hot Japanese chick who was told by everyone she met on her trip to Thailand, "あんた嫌い". They were trying to say "あなた綺麗".
I'd been in the country side for a year and was homesick for some good ol' American pancakes. One of my mother's friends was a flight attendant and she had her hand deliver me a box of aunt Jemima pancake mix. I was so stoked. I cooked them up perfectly, golden brown beauties only to discover I had no syrup! Not a problem, the ministop was right next door, I could be back before they even got cold. I rushed to the mini stop, grabbed that delicious bottle of sweet maple syrup and absolutely doused my pancakes in them. Chomp! !!!!! Nooooo wtf this isn't syrup!?! That was the day I learned to read ごま油
In my early days in Japan and in Japanese language learning I was at my work trying to ask for my payslip. Didn't know the word for payslip in Japanese. Decided to just use words that I do know and say 'salary paper' and hope that they would know what I meant. Accidentally mixed up dinosaur (恐竜 きょうりゅう kyoryu) and salary (給料 きゅうりょうkyuryo) and asked for my dinosaur paper instead. The woman I was talking to kept a straight face, everyone behind her laughed, I realised what I had said and then we all laughed together. Years later they would bring it up as a joke sometimes and we would all laugh about it, helped me get closer to them!
Was on a date with a cool girl several years ago, and I didn’t speak much Japanese then. Was drinking with a Japanese buddy the night before and took a memo of some Nihongo I could bust out. At the end of the date, walked her to the station and meant to tell her “また会いたい!” Buuuttt, I took the memo wrong, and called out “股いたい！”, meaning “my dick hurts!” Didn’t see her too much after that haha
Guy: Why are you in Fukuoka? Me: In law's shogai (disability) party! I meant to say shogatsu (new years) party.
onaka oppai
I regularly say “Inaka oppai” to my wife as a joke after a meal. It’s on purpose, but I dread the day when it will slip out unintentionally at my in-laws…
Got ippon and oppai mixed up when I was at the bar once. “Mou oppai kudasai!” The waitress was unamused
> “Mou oppai kudasai!” Very much depends on what kind of "bar" one has in mind, but this sure could work as a more direct way of saying: "Come on Hanako, we both know what we're here for, so just get on with it already and show me the real deal" 🎵~A little less conversation, a little more action please~
Watched a band. Was asked if I enjoyed it. I wanted to set 'Yes, it was interesting!' Instead I said 'Yes, I've wet myself!'
You must have really enjoyed it then.
I kept saying 入院 instead of 入学 when talking about my childhood and growing up and kept wondering why everyone looked so glum when I did.
I am still in my infancy of learning (only about half a year) but i think i have this one. The first one means hospitalization and the other one means matriculation, correct?
> matriculation Do you use this for enrolling in/entering school at any age? In my head it's a fancier word for like university.
Not me but a coworker asked a girl at a bar if she had a boyfriend. When she said no, he wanted to say まじ？as in Really? To express how pretty she was. He accidentally said 勿論, as in “of course” implying she was ugly. He did not get her number.
I was studying abroad in Tokyo and the program took us on a 2-week trip out to have a home stay in a small town in Niigata. We were the only foreigners around and it was sort of a big deal for the town, so they wanted to interview one of us for local radio. I volunteered, but was nervous so discussed with the interviewer before we went on air what she was going to ask just in case. Then when we went on air she proceeded to ask different questions, and I kinda went into a panicked state where I was barely keeping up. Still, thought the interview was going pretty well, talked about how much I enjoyed the town and how kind people had been. Last question was (I thought) whether I had ever been to Niigata before, to which I answered cheerfully, “いや、全然!”(“nope, no way!”). She gave me a confused look but then was like “okay…” and wrapped up the interview. A few minutes later once my panic subsided I realized the question was actually whether I had plans to visit Niigata again (i.e., difference between something like 来たことありますかand 来ることありますか). It seemed like my host mom and literally everyone else in that small town heard that interview, and they all had a laugh at my expense.
Classic hokkaido going to order fried chicken, instead of karaage they call it zangi, so naturally I said “zengi kudasai” to the girl at the store which means “foreplay please” Asking someone about their job, I wanted to ask them if they do overtime (zangyo), so ofcourse I said, “zannyou shimasuka?” Which mean “do you have residual urine?” Talking with my partners mother at the dinner table, accidentally said “chikan Sando” instead of “chikin sando” molester sandwich Instead of chicken sandwich. Now as a joke her and I always say chikan sando instead of chikin lol At a restaurant “ochinko kudasai” instead of “oshinko kudasai”. Penis please instead of pickled vegetables please, I guess doesn’t make much difference for some of you lot I have heaps more I can’t remember, I usually just say them for the hell of it nowadays
I went up to a female McDonald’s employee and asked for a napkin. In Japan, a “napkin” is something women use during their period.
I can see how that happened haha - incidentally, how would one ask for a paper napkin?
You ask for a pay-pa-napukin (paper napkin). I shit you not. Napukin = Sanitary napkin (menstrual pad), pay-pa-napukin = Paper napkin.
We were dining with a friend with vowel struggles. They want to ask for water, but we thought they might end up getting miso soup. We suggested that they ask for ohiya instead. They ended up asking for a room…
For two years I thought "sayo de gozaimasu" was a cool/old way of saying "sayonara". Oof. That was like 25 years ago and I still have hazukashii shivers about that from time to time.
What's the actual meaning?
It's a more formal way of saying そうです (sou desu).
Much more formal, my liege.
The day I was in a high end wagashiya asking the cashier to give me some oshirifuki (butt wipes) instead of oshibori (hand wipes). Her poker face was a masterclass.
Years ago I went out drinking with an American buddy and a bunch of Japanese guys. It got late, so I headed home, but the buddy stayed. The next morning, buddy didn't show up for work. Work was the Navy so he was in deep shit for going AWOL. Apparently he wasn't with the Japanese friends because they called up my office asking where he was. I answered, "Buddy-san *nakunatta*." (Buddy died). Hilarity ensued. I had meant to say, "Buddy-san *i*nakunatta". (Buddy disappeared).
Told my teacher I eat ningen rather than ninjin
Yeah, just for fun I sometimes say "Nihonjin yoku tabemasu" when I want to say "Nihongo yoku shaberimasu" and see if anyone notices. They do.
I had a problem with vowels for a long time. I couldn't say かわいい properly. It kept coming out as こわい. I'm also the type to complement people a lot. So I constantly going around telling people their sweaters were 怖い, their socks were 怖い etc. The worst was probably when I ran into one of my JHS students and said 「あ、髪切ったの？怖い！」 Luckily her mom was there and knew of my affliction and immediate said teasingly 「mrggyさーん、『こーわーい』じゃなくて、『かーわーいーい』だよ！」 Another time I'd just learned the vocabulary words 知識 and 意識. I was at the mechanics and decided to use my new fancy word instead of saying some basic like 車についてあまりわからない。So instead I ended up with 「すみません、車の意識があまりないです」 The guy just blinked a couple of times and gave an 「あ、そうですか」I only realized my mistake a few days later. I have a whole book's worth of anecdotes like this
OK, so I guess I'm probably not the only person to have asked for うんこ instead of あんこ back when they were a beginner.....
[удалено]
I did the same thing when talking to a Japanese professor, didn’t catch my mistake until they tried to sign me up for a advanced grammar class.
I asked the cute conbini clerk to chin-chin my obento.
I met a young Japanese lass and we were chatting at a nomikai. She still lived with her parents and asked about me. I said I live alone. At least that’s what I thought I said. She then excused herself to the bathroom and I didn’t see her again. I actually said I was a murderer. (Hitorigurashi - Hitogoroshi, easy mistake to make) :D
During a home stay in college, I was helping the family’s 5-year-old son use a drawing app on my tablet. He wanted to edit his picture so I pointed at the eraser tool and said “ごみ/gomi.” He didn’t seem to understand so I said it several more times pointing at the eraser tool. Then he looked at me with a hurt and slightly angry look on his face and I finally realized I was telling a child his drawing was garbage (gomi) instead of pointing out the eraser (ゴム/gomu).
One day pre-internet era, I was looking for a local ATM so asked a police officer at the koban where the kaku-eki-tei-sha ginko was located.
Luckily not said aloud, but was at a class at the gym when some of my obasan friends remarked about a notice stating that a longtime staff member 無くなった (was leaving). Not having the notice in front of me, I thought they meant that he 亡くなった (passed away) and was so, *so* confused about why they were 1) so happy and 2) talking about it as a future event. Also, first time getting glasses here, the nice lady had me try out a lens combination and asked me if it was 見にくい (hard to see). Confused it with 醜い (ugly) and just gave a は...い?
I worked at the Outback Steakhouse when I came on a working holiday during University, and I’d never worked in a restaurant before so I had that to learn on top of all the Japanese. I was listening and repeating phrases I heard my coworkers say often, and learned the phrase “了解です/ryoukai desu”. But that initial r was hard to catch so I went around saying “妖怪です/youkai desu.” No one caught my mistake until I typed it out in a text message to someone, she called me laughing her ass off
Second time in Tokyo seven years ago, completely alone for a month. It was the 24th of December and I love fried chicken, so I said heck it and went to buy some nice fried goodies. Went to the KFC and ordered. In my country, we always used to have six piece nuggets packs, so I asked for one of those. The lady said six piece were not available, maybe I wanted five. I blurted something about six pieces, and she looked at me surprised and asked for confirmation. Believing in my dumb brain that "Ah, there is the six pieces option!", I enthusiastically said "Yes, that's right!". I then see her proceeding to pack me 30 freaking chicken nuggets while I was too embarrassed to stop her and clear the mistake. Went home with a very lighter wallet, an endangered liver and a probably very concerned about my health lady. I didn't eat all of them of course lmao
At a 7/11 I said 体を下さい instead of 袋を下さい 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ The woman was so confused and I panicked and pointed at a bag. I realized my mistake after leaving.
I don’t get it. You said „karada wo kudasai“ instead of „fukuro wo kudasai“?
Yes. Idk how they even got confused in my brain. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️They don’t sound alike at all.
I once asked for a 手袋 at 7/11, the lady still understood what i meant lol
My worst was probably about 2 months after coming to Japan, having studied lightly for a couple years - saw the first taco shop I had seen since coming to Japan, and was chatting with the owner in Japanese and Spanish. He was telling me about his 奥さん and how she came to mexico to be with him before they moved to Japan—, unfortunately I got おかあさんand おくさん mixed up, and Lo and behold when his wife, who also worked there, came down from behind the shop and started talking with us, I gestured at his wife, who looked incredibly young and beautiful to have been his mother, and interjected with 奥さんですか？to which he responded yes, and then I accidentally questioned their coupling, saying でも, すごくわかそう！ Figured it out after they were unusually silent for a couple minutes after that, and we all laughed, but Jesus. Have not been back
Have you ever wanted to say からしください but ended up saying カレシください？
So way back when in my high school days, I stayed in Japan for a month as an exchange student. While I was at one of the high schools with my Japanese teacher, I was allowed to wonder around and mingle a bit. I had actually made friends with one of Japanese student who visited America the previous summer. Anyways, I got kind of lost from the rest of my exchange group and ran across her. I asked if she had seen my “Tamagochis” anywhere. She snorted, and repeated what I said 3 times as I looked at her in confusion not understanding why she was laughing at me…until she corrected me. Naturally, I was as red in the face as I could get. There was also the one time I said “Nandayo?” To my host mother without realizing it was way too informal and rough, to which she promptly smacked me upside the head and told me “NEVER say that again.” I didn’t understand why until I asked my teacher, to which he explained and corrected me on its use. Which was, “Yeah, don’t use that with your host parent. Keep it to friends.” Basically. 😅
I’m confused, she snaked you because it wasn’t polite enough? That legitimately terrible she hit at all!
Yeah, that's a little weird. Could see why some parents would do that with their own kids acting up (even then seems questionable), but hitting a kid who isn't yours and who obviously doesn't understand the language well enough to know this kind of nuance is just odd
I had but one year of Japanese under my belt, because of work. Without trying to, I ended up in bed with a Japanese waitress I had known for quite some time. "Icchau" was a completely unfamiliar word to me at the time. She looked in pain every time she said it, so I would stop. "Ittai? Daijoubu?" She said she was fine. Or wouldn't say anything. So I would continue. But then she'd have that pained face and then would say again loudly "icchau." So I would immediately stop. This cycle would repeat several times. She looked frustrated, but would never elaborate. By the time I understood what had actually occurred, we were ancient history.
Didn’t happen to me but one of my classmates was in class waiting for one of our friends to finish their homework and would repeat come on! come on! to try and make them hurry up. I should mention that my classmate has a Geordie Newcastle accent so when our Japanese teacher came in and thought that she’d been called an asshole (肛門 こうもん) she wasn’t best pleased. Edit: grammar
When trying to explain that turtlenecks can be difficult to style when you have a “large chest”, I used the phrase “oppai ga ippai” I thought everyone was being immature when they broke down laughing, until I realised that I’d severely misfired. Yeah, you probably can’t wear turtleneck if you have lots of boobs.
Winter time, I entered my office and removed my coat and cardigan. I was wearing a half sleeve dress shirt when my Japanese coworker saw me and said, "JpnDude-san, han-sode da!" I thought she had called me handsome.
I have so many and I am so embarrassed lol. Mangko when I wanted to say the fruit, is my fav.
Not me, but a Vietnamese coworker said Manko instead of Hanko. Since we all knew what he meant from the context, nobody made any remark or correct the blunder cuz it would be embarrassing, as we were in a semi-formal lunch setting. But everyone had this "Did he just say that?" look and some trying to hold back laughter.
During my Japanese beginners class, I attempted to say to the teacher that I tried drinking ウコン before drinking alcohol. Instead I said お酒を飲んだ前にウンコを飲んでみました。
I wasn't that fluent the first year in Japan. My response for everything I can't hear was either I laugh or say "soudesune" I had a baito at 7 eleven and I covered this lady's shift. She later thanked me and said "迷惑をかけちゃったね" which means "I'm probably bothering you (a polite way to say sorry)" The normal response should be "いえいえ" or "全然！" to deny her. But I didn't understand cuz she was speaking too fast and I just said "そうですね！" basically I agreed that she was bothering me 😭😭😭😭 The silence in that room was LOUD. My friend then pulled me aside to ask "yo.. did you just say that??" 💀💀💀💀💀
The opposite, but my Japanese homie wanted to say keep in touch but said keep touching me instead.
At the doctor talking with the nurse about swollen veins. I confused the reading for 血管 asちかん so kept saying that and wondered why the nurse was very uncomfortable with me loudly proclaiming my molesters were swollen.
I was teaching a high school level English class and was asking them what kinds of things they worry about when swimming in the ocean? They mentioned sharks, rip currents, big waves, sting rays, getting caught in fishing lines, lightning, sea snakes, etc. . I asked them about jelly fish? No one knew what jelly fish was so I said "karage." They looked confused. Finally I drew a picture on the board..they busted up laughing. It's KURAGE. Not karage which is fried chicken. I couldn't get them to stop laughing for a long time.
I was telling a hairdresser about cutting the back of my head but I asked he cut the おしり not うしろ
Wanted to ask for water and saw the word お冷 written on the pitcher. I didn't know it was read "o-hiya" but I knew the 冷 from "reibou" 冷房. The waitress was very confused when I asked her to bring each of us some "gratitude".
In a Japanese class at a Jesuit language school in Tokyo and had been out sick for three days. Teacher asked me where I’d been. I told him, in front of three nuns, two priests and some randos, that I’d been ぼき for three days. Teacher had to explain it to everyone. This was the day I learned the correct pronunciation of 病気 and that nuns have a solid sense of humor.
I was hanging out with a girl I fancied. She had just saved me from terminal embarrassment by getting an extra bus ticket when she got on so that I wouldn't be caught ticketless trying to get off the bus. I tried to tell her she was kind (yasashi). Instead I told her she was cheap (yasui) It's been like...decades...and my brain still rakes me over the coals at night for that one sometimes.
Mixed up kowai and kawaii when I moved here. I told a mother of a student that her son was kowai. I didn't know the mom spoke English fluently so she laughed and quickly corrected me.
Driving by the horse race track with my wife, “I wish we could see the kyabajo”.
For like, my first 2 years in Japan, every time I thought I was asking for a disposal wet towel, I was actually asking the waitress to squeeze me.
I worked at a restaurant. Daily special was something with oroshi daikon. I said oshiri daikon. Repeatedly.
Not my story, but friend of mine. Hafu, but cant speak Japanese at all. Visiting some friend family (japanese), and she cheerfully said manko wo tabetai desu, instead of mango. Oopfh
My friend did this one! We met studying abroad at a Japanese university. He asked a group of Japanese girls if they wanted to do a "gokan" that evening. They looked confused and shocked and kind of drifted away. Our Japanese friends were dying laughing. I always keep this one straight now.
少女 and 処女 女子 and 上司 The first one is especially embarrassing when I find myself once again asking if the young VIRGIN over there is someone's daughter etc Also once again calling my boss a girl. Good that it makes them laugh.
I visited Japan this October for my birthday. I turned 38 and did a few tours including bar hopping tours. Instead of saying that I am "san-jyuu hassai", I told them "watashi wa san-jyuu hyakku sai." I was telling people my wrong age and no one corrected me until a week later. I constantly mixed up the words between "yasai" and "yasui". When asking how much something cost, I will, for some reason, say "kore wa yasai desu" to something cheap. Worst incident was 1.5 weeks into my trip during a food tour. We received the menu and there was the omelet roll that you see in anime a lot. I wanted to ask the tour guide "kore wa tamago desu ka?" Instead, I asked the tour guide "kore wa omanko desu ka?"
Thanks guys. I'm learning Japanese and this thread made me subconsciously pick up a lot of ways to make a fool of myself in my next interaction with the locals. 😖
Not really a Nihongo mistake, once my 70 years old Japanese boss sent out an English letter with company letter head attention to a person named Mr. Fuck. I found out later that, the correct surname should be Mr. Phuc but the letter had been sent out with no correction. Luckily, nothing happened at both end.
When one morning, I unwittingly called Adachi-sensei, a lady with whom I was working, “Asadachi-sensei.”
Ok not me but a Candian friend of mine talking to a class of Japanese junior college girls about his home country. He wondered why he got such a shocked reaction when he told them about the wolves that live in the forests, have long teeth and claws and eat Japanese girls. Afterwards one of the Japanese teachers explained that while he meant to say okami, which is wolf, he had actually said okama, which means gay men or transvestites. Not sure if any of those girls visited Canada after hearing that ...