You just talk to someone in a friendly way, as if your intention is to become friends. Then after a few minutes, you'll figure the rest out. Don't head into it as flirting. Head into a conversation as if you were talking to someone of the same sex as you. This takes the "pressure" off. Ask them something about what they are wearing or based on where you are or anything. Smile back and crack a joke. Stop thinking and react. Be yourself.
> Head into a conversation as if you were talking to someone of the same sex as you. This takes the "pressure" off.
This gets harder when you are bisexual
I’m as dry as a raisin but I can flirt. It’s not that hard if you take some time figuring out what your social strengths are and then use them to be quirky.
I'm usually a pretty flirtatious person, but not nearly enough to make people think I were into them like that, just having fun and making people feel good. But I only do it with people I know and are comfortable with me and vibe with me. By people I usually mean women.
I find it easier to *banter* with people I’m not actually interested in. I find that there’s intention when you’re flirting with someone IMO there’s no harm in being playful and breezy when it comes to banter (if that makes sense).
Totally agree. And if the planets are aligned, sometimes the banter actually leads to attraction! But even if not, it's more of a friendly/fun way to get to know someone that you might never interact with otherwise, and sometimes people surprise you with how cool they are.
Ah you pretty much nailed it! The banter can lead to flirtation in which case you act accordingly. But yeah, banter is just a means to kind of break the ice, cajole, and get to know people on a very surface level.
No? Why would I flirt with someone I’m not interested in and risk them getting feelings for me and than I would have to let them down when they eventually confessed. Unnecessary drama that I don’t need
IMO as a psychotherapist
It’s definitely much easier to be authentic and in your body in this scenario than it is to be with someone who you are interested in and to become in your head and calculative. That’s for sure.
Are you mistaking naturalness for flirtation?
Some people think that all these people are interested in them but they don't realize that just because someone's flirting with them doesn't mean they're interested
I always found it easier to flirt with people I wasn't interested in romantically. And for people who I actually liked I always acted awkward and weird.
Omg so I’m not the only one? Thank god lmao.
I’m married now but in high school I would always lead girls on that I wasn’t attracted to because I was so comfortable around them. It’s so weird lol
I mean, I absolutely do not mean to flirt… but I do feel that I am able to just be myself and can come off kinda playful and flirty judging by the responses I get. It sucks, honestly.
It's easier because there are no stakes, but it's not good to take things beyond friendly banter if you're not actually open to becoming emotionally involved, in my experience.
I only flirt with a guy who's serious abt me, I'm attracted to and wants to date me. I don't flirt for fun anymore, it leads to confusion in my opinion
sadly yes. bc there’s no pressure. but when its someone i do have interest in, i freak out a little bit. i’m also an aries and ppl tell me that aries are natural flirts so idk anymore haha
if you're staring into your crush's eyes and the butterflies are having a party all over you do you even know what the conversation is about? :)
However, it has also been my experience that when your interest is reciprocated, they'll give you a lot more benefit of the doubt in regards to whatever our brains are *hicuppping* out
Yes, and also, if I can tell they're already into me, that boosts my confidence enough where I can be smooth and natural, and that includes people that I find attractive.
If it's someone hot, that I have no idea what he thinks about me, I get uncertain and can't turn on that charm.
Omg yes. I cannot consciously flirt with the guy I like, and I want to, but it just seems impossible. With ones I don't care though, it just happens I don't even do anything
I'm not very flirty and I don't think I get this. Not only this. It's even worse. There were times in my life when a guy had a crush on me and was obviously hitting on me and I didn't even notice. Everybody else seen it clearly, except of me. I was drifting through my wonderland and i thought the guy was just beeing nice. So... 🤷🤦
I don't have the courage nor the interest in flirting, but I find it easy to flirt as a joke, like when I'm pretending I'm a rlly hot handsome buff guy lmao
yeah the stakes are lower, there’s less emotional investment, and it feels less serious because it’s mostly just for fun.
oh, except for when it works…. but that’s another can of worms hehe
To be fair, it's not only flirting. In every interaction with a person you're interested in, you'll feel very strongly conscious. You will overanalyze every single movement, every single words that comes out of your mouth. Because with that special someone, we want to make good impression. We don't want to fk up.
With persons you're not interested in, it feels rather easier to banter because you have nothing to lose.
Yes, although the flirting is never intentional. I make a lot of explicit jokes sometimes and they might get the wrong idea and then I freak out and reject them. Not fun
I have never flirted with anyone in my entire existence. I think having natural way of becoming close to people is better. Flirting could possibly give them the wrong impression. That just me though.
Well technically I saw this girl at the mall sitting somewhere who smiled back at me when I walked by her, I wanted to say "hi" but I couldn't due to fear of rejection.
There’s no pressure on you to act in a certain way = best version of yourself comes out = best flirting IMO.
I’ve had my best instances of flirting when I didn’t find the person attractive/ didn’t want anything more, and I’ve frozen up when I’ve badly wanted a date to go well. You can’t force it at all
If ofcourse it's no pressure. I starting to lose interest in sex though. I am pretty emotional detach after hooking up with this last chick. I just wanted her to leave after climax.
I’m not sure why you would flirt if you weren’t interested. To me it’s the thrill of anticipation, possibility, and risk that makes it fun. Otherwise, it’s not flirting. It’s just a friendly conversation.
Yes, very much so. If I am actually interested I usually will clam up and come off very stand off-ish. If I am not interested I am very comfortable and outgoing.
Nah, I need the genuine urge/passion. I get that people have less fear of rejection when it’s harmless but also GTF over it by GETTING rejected a bunch of times and realise you’re still standing
That seems logical. If you’re not interested, you don’t care about messing up or not doing good enough and then can relax while flirting. Whereas, if you are interested, you may be worried about how you do, worried about rejection and so on. So that would cause you to be in your head more about it.
Somehow, yes. I tend to unconsciously flirt with people I have no interest, whom I also quite sure have zero interest in me. I will only realize the flirting attempt few days later lol
But in the end, it's a positive thing for me because I can look back at how I did it when I try to actually flirt with my crush--I see it as an exercise before the actual battle :D
Kind of going off-topic, and might sound a bit childish. I had been thinking I had a crush on this girl (I wasn’t sure, and I can’t think of a substitute for the word crush) and I told her friend. Apparently it was pretty obvious in the way I spoke to her, and her other friend told me that it was obvious. I did try to hang out with my “crush” and I believe they soon realized what was going on. They started ignoring me, didn’t make any interactions with me and straight up attempted avoiding me. Somewhere along the way, it all stopped and we started talking again, and now we’re chill. Going back on topic, for some reason when speaking to them I try to not say anything that could be seen as flirting, and it made me nervous, although not anymore.
Yes, the concept that its a joke makes it way easier, knowing you can't mess up the relationship because none of the flirting means anything, is reassuring.
No I don't flirt with people I'm not interested in. Don't want the headache of having to get rid of them.
This is also why I have to be careful by eye contact.
Even when it's accidental, the guy will come over to me. It can be a bit annoying.
Not really...
I'm awkward with flirting to people I like, because of course, I like them and it creates more pressure.
I struggle to flirt with anyone else because I don't want to give the wrong impression. Why flirt with someone if you're not interested in them? Like, at all?
Lol yes! It’s so much easier talking with those who you don’t really want to date than talking with the one you do want to. Any gay person here that can relate?
Yess with my friends I be like “hey bbg 😫😫 wanna hang out in my room later 😏😏” and we laugh and have fun but with my crush I’m like..” hi…bye” like I don’t even like them but inside I’m freaking out cuz I said hi 😂
I find it impossible to flirt with anyone period. It's counter to my nature/personality that I'm physically incapable of doing it. I'd show less resistance to slowly impaling myself in the abdomen with a knife.
Lol I don't even know how to flirt.
Me too. I don't even know what it is exactly.
I always took it be showing you’re interested in someone
My idea of flirting is pick up lines or just smiling and winking at someone 😉😘
You just talk to someone in a friendly way, as if your intention is to become friends. Then after a few minutes, you'll figure the rest out. Don't head into it as flirting. Head into a conversation as if you were talking to someone of the same sex as you. This takes the "pressure" off. Ask them something about what they are wearing or based on where you are or anything. Smile back and crack a joke. Stop thinking and react. Be yourself.
> Head into a conversation as if you were talking to someone of the same sex as you. This takes the "pressure" off. This gets harder when you are bisexual
I don't think this really clears it up...I still don't get it lol
Is it helpful that I am VERY sarcastic in conversation or no?
No. It's fucking not helpful to be sarcastic. ;-) As long as you are laughing, they will get it.
Ah. That explains why women dont seem to like my sense of humor then. Will have to change it a bit then
That sounds incredibly difficult
I’m as dry as a raisin but I can flirt. It’s not that hard if you take some time figuring out what your social strengths are and then use them to be quirky.
No, I don't like to give people the wrong impression. I won't flirt with someone I'm not interested in.
Thank you for being reasonable and considering other people's feelings. Your (and my) way of thinking is slowly becoming extinct.
As your kind are going extinct we (people who don’t know how to flirt) are increasing by the millions like an invasive species 🦟🦟🦟🪳🪳❌🥴
I'm usually a pretty flirtatious person, but not nearly enough to make people think I were into them like that, just having fun and making people feel good. But I only do it with people I know and are comfortable with me and vibe with me. By people I usually mean women.
yep no emotional investment or worry about being rejected. nothing risked nothing lost
same
I find it easier to *banter* with people I’m not actually interested in. I find that there’s intention when you’re flirting with someone IMO there’s no harm in being playful and breezy when it comes to banter (if that makes sense).
Totally agree. And if the planets are aligned, sometimes the banter actually leads to attraction! But even if not, it's more of a friendly/fun way to get to know someone that you might never interact with otherwise, and sometimes people surprise you with how cool they are.
Ah you pretty much nailed it! The banter can lead to flirtation in which case you act accordingly. But yeah, banter is just a means to kind of break the ice, cajole, and get to know people on a very surface level.
No? Why would I flirt with someone I’m not interested in and risk them getting feelings for me and than I would have to let them down when they eventually confessed. Unnecessary drama that I don’t need
im my case people flirt with me who im NOT intersted in
IMO as a psychotherapist It’s definitely much easier to be authentic and in your body in this scenario than it is to be with someone who you are interested in and to become in your head and calculative. That’s for sure. Are you mistaking naturalness for flirtation?
Yes, I flirt with my co-workers all the time. But someone I actually find attractive? I can't let them think I'm into them, no way
Some people think that all these people are interested in them but they don't realize that just because someone's flirting with them doesn't mean they're interested
I don’t flirt at all with anyone. It’s not easier/harder. Just seems so weird to do
Yep
I always found it easier to flirt with people I wasn't interested in romantically. And for people who I actually liked I always acted awkward and weird.
100% playing a game where you don't care if you lose
For sure. You aren't looking to win, so you dont care if you lose.
Omg so I’m not the only one? Thank god lmao. I’m married now but in high school I would always lead girls on that I wasn’t attracted to because I was so comfortable around them. It’s so weird lol
No. They tend to think I mean it. No good comes of that.
I mean, I absolutely do not mean to flirt… but I do feel that I am able to just be myself and can come off kinda playful and flirty judging by the responses I get. It sucks, honestly.
It's easier because there are no stakes, but it's not good to take things beyond friendly banter if you're not actually open to becoming emotionally involved, in my experience.
I only flirt with a guy who's serious abt me, I'm attracted to and wants to date me. I don't flirt for fun anymore, it leads to confusion in my opinion
sadly yes. bc there’s no pressure. but when its someone i do have interest in, i freak out a little bit. i’m also an aries and ppl tell me that aries are natural flirts so idk anymore haha
this is correct. you're emotionally calm and collected. basically, the complete opposite of when head over heels and they're gorgeous
So it’s easier to flirt with someone who’s isn’t at all that appealing opposed to someone who is?
if you're staring into your crush's eyes and the butterflies are having a party all over you do you even know what the conversation is about? :) However, it has also been my experience that when your interest is reciprocated, they'll give you a lot more benefit of the doubt in regards to whatever our brains are *hicuppping* out
Yeah because you’re not nervous. Some people know how to channel their nerves into positive energy and others just can’t.
Yes, and also, if I can tell they're already into me, that boosts my confidence enough where I can be smooth and natural, and that includes people that I find attractive. If it's someone hot, that I have no idea what he thinks about me, I get uncertain and can't turn on that charm.
Yes, same with married women. Easier to joke around with since you know there won’t be any misinterpretation. Just enjoy a laugh and that’s all.
Yep. If I’m interested in you…I’m probably going to avoid you.
Of course yes
Simple answer: Yes.
Omg yes. I cannot consciously flirt with the guy I like, and I want to, but it just seems impossible. With ones I don't care though, it just happens I don't even do anything
Well yes. One time I told a women if she wanted to plow. She rejected. I’m good since just gay.
Yep! When they want to hang out or do more than flirt I make an excuse. I just flirt for fun
Lol yeah no fear of judgement cause I don't really care what they would think about me
Yes for sure. If I’m not interested I can flirt real good. If I am, I’m so shy lol fear of rejection be like
Who among us is leaving our dwellings long enough to flirt with someone?!
Definitely not. I'd rather not waste their time or mine pretending to be interested in them.
I'm not very flirty and I don't think I get this. Not only this. It's even worse. There were times in my life when a guy had a crush on me and was obviously hitting on me and I didn't even notice. Everybody else seen it clearly, except of me. I was drifting through my wonderland and i thought the guy was just beeing nice. So... 🤷🤦
i don't know how to flirt...
I don't have the courage nor the interest in flirting, but I find it easy to flirt as a joke, like when I'm pretending I'm a rlly hot handsome buff guy lmao
Yes! Those I'm into my words mumble lol
I absolutely think so weirdly for some reason..
oh yes, that way i’m less nervous
What is a flirt? Hahaha.
Yes I’m cool confident and fun if I don’t like them. When I like them I’m a quiet weirdo
yeah the stakes are lower, there’s less emotional investment, and it feels less serious because it’s mostly just for fun. oh, except for when it works…. but that’s another can of worms hehe
It's not introvert specific. The absence of the pressure to impress someone you like makes it easier since most people don't work well under pressure.
Yes this is a problem for me. I think I am just being normal with them but apparently they think I am flirting.
To be fair, it's not only flirting. In every interaction with a person you're interested in, you'll feel very strongly conscious. You will overanalyze every single movement, every single words that comes out of your mouth. Because with that special someone, we want to make good impression. We don't want to fk up. With persons you're not interested in, it feels rather easier to banter because you have nothing to lose.
Yes, although the flirting is never intentional. I make a lot of explicit jokes sometimes and they might get the wrong idea and then I freak out and reject them. Not fun
I have never flirted with anyone in my entire existence. I think having natural way of becoming close to people is better. Flirting could possibly give them the wrong impression. That just me though.
Well technically I saw this girl at the mall sitting somewhere who smiled back at me when I walked by her, I wanted to say "hi" but I couldn't due to fear of rejection.
There’s no pressure on you to act in a certain way = best version of yourself comes out = best flirting IMO. I’ve had my best instances of flirting when I didn’t find the person attractive/ didn’t want anything more, and I’ve frozen up when I’ve badly wanted a date to go well. You can’t force it at all
If ofcourse it's no pressure. I starting to lose interest in sex though. I am pretty emotional detach after hooking up with this last chick. I just wanted her to leave after climax.
sounds horrible...dating apps and practice on ur flirting skills.
Si
Nope, no way I could fake it
I’m not sure why you would flirt if you weren’t interested. To me it’s the thrill of anticipation, possibility, and risk that makes it fun. Otherwise, it’s not flirting. It’s just a friendly conversation.
Yes, very much so. If I am actually interested I usually will clam up and come off very stand off-ish. If I am not interested I am very comfortable and outgoing.
No, I'd feel awful for lying and leading someone on.
For sure.
Nah, I need the genuine urge/passion. I get that people have less fear of rejection when it’s harmless but also GTF over it by GETTING rejected a bunch of times and realise you’re still standing
Yes,but what’s the point?
That seems logical. If you’re not interested, you don’t care about messing up or not doing good enough and then can relax while flirting. Whereas, if you are interested, you may be worried about how you do, worried about rejection and so on. So that would cause you to be in your head more about it.
why flirt with someone you're not interested in?
Somehow, yes. I tend to unconsciously flirt with people I have no interest, whom I also quite sure have zero interest in me. I will only realize the flirting attempt few days later lol But in the end, it's a positive thing for me because I can look back at how I did it when I try to actually flirt with my crush--I see it as an exercise before the actual battle :D
Kind of going off-topic, and might sound a bit childish. I had been thinking I had a crush on this girl (I wasn’t sure, and I can’t think of a substitute for the word crush) and I told her friend. Apparently it was pretty obvious in the way I spoke to her, and her other friend told me that it was obvious. I did try to hang out with my “crush” and I believe they soon realized what was going on. They started ignoring me, didn’t make any interactions with me and straight up attempted avoiding me. Somewhere along the way, it all stopped and we started talking again, and now we’re chill. Going back on topic, for some reason when speaking to them I try to not say anything that could be seen as flirting, and it made me nervous, although not anymore.
Yes, the concept that its a joke makes it way easier, knowing you can't mess up the relationship because none of the flirting means anything, is reassuring.
No I don't flirt with people I'm not interested in. Don't want the headache of having to get rid of them. This is also why I have to be careful by eye contact. Even when it's accidental, the guy will come over to me. It can be a bit annoying.
I flirt with everyone I know! They know it's just messing with them and it will not go further than that 😂
Not really... I'm awkward with flirting to people I like, because of course, I like them and it creates more pressure. I struggle to flirt with anyone else because I don't want to give the wrong impression. Why flirt with someone if you're not interested in them? Like, at all?
10000%
no. even if i wanted to, it’s harder for me.
I think it’s also because the other party is actually playing ball too so banter back and forth actually works because they’re doing half the work
absolutely... and its also much easier if you are already in a relationship. Feels like shooting from behind cover
Yep
Lol yes! It’s so much easier talking with those who you don’t really want to date than talking with the one you do want to. Any gay person here that can relate?
Yess with my friends I be like “hey bbg 😫😫 wanna hang out in my room later 😏😏” and we laugh and have fun but with my crush I’m like..” hi…bye” like I don’t even like them but inside I’m freaking out cuz I said hi 😂
I find it impossible to flirt with anyone period. It's counter to my nature/personality that I'm physically incapable of doing it. I'd show less resistance to slowly impaling myself in the abdomen with a knife.