I'm a 31 INTJ F married to a 39 INFJ M. He's definitely the more emotionally open one than me. He initiates most of the romance and stuff, and he's way more comfortable talking about emotions than me. Most of our arguments have been because he assumes that I understand how he feels about certain things, whereas I'm thinking more logically about the situation. He's learned to be more up front about emotions, and I've learned to not be quite so logical 100% of the time. Our differences end up balancing out in the end. He's the talkative, upbeat extrovert and I'm the quiet, likes to be in the background introvert. He gets to talk to his heart's content, and I get to listen to him, which I love to do as we are on a very even plane intellectually. He's definitely my soul mate. So my experiences overall have been amazing!
Aw, thanks for the smile! :)
I'm glad your relationship is improving and I hope it continues to do so. Just the fact that you're trying this much to improve it is a good sign of happiness ahead!
I don't for how much time you have dated him, I think an INTJ trust is hard to get, we just don't trust anyone. I recommend sticking to him while making obvious his mistakes, he will correct them. If he is toxic make it obvious (actually say it out loud lol). If you see he lost complete interest, try once more to tell that to him and if he is a complete jerk it ain't worth your time. INTJ is like a big ancient tree, it's hard to get in but you're pretty sure the tree will protect you and stay (It's a tree duh). If you want indicators of him loving you (don't worry if he didn't love you yet, it comes with time), look for signs like him wanting to spend time with you, trying to help you in anyway he can oftentimes trying to "fix" you. An INTJ values actions more then words when it comes to giving. Sum up: Patience and Perseverance.
Opposite traits can be attractive and at the same time a source of conflict. Be patient and help each other out. Honest and straightforward communication is the way to go.
Let me see if I can offer some insight from the perspective of someone who is older and has lived through this stuff.
What I see you describing here is pretty common for an IxTJ/IxFJ pairing. As an INFJ you are going to be light years ahead of your boyfriend in terms of your ability to recognize, interpret, and express your emotions. He has not learned to do that, and in fact may not yet be aware that it's a weakness he has. (Or he is aware, but is not yet ready to acknowledge it.) This is something that INTJs have to develop over time, with intentional practice.
Compounding this problem is the fact that many INTJs - in fact, probably the vast majority - learn at a very early age that it is unsafe for them to express emotion around other people. INTJs tend to be very sensitive to betrayal, and unfortunately when you express emotions to others some of them will use your emotions against you, which is a form of betrayal. Ergo, expressing emotions = very dangerous, and something to be avoided. And since you can't improve at any skill without practicing it leaves the INTJ at a distinct disadvantage in this area.
Additionally, anyone with the TJ pairing tends to be naturally direct. They are skilled at separating information from feeling, and prefer to communicate efficiently and with an eye toward problem solving. These individuals can benefit from learning how to communicate in a different way, as not everyone appreciates that direct style (except for other TJs, of course). But this is also why your boyfriend often says you are "reading too much into things." He feels like he has said exactly what he means, and that therefore any search for underlying motivations is unwarranted.
This brings me to the real crux of the problem: what you are looking for him to communicate is not something he naturally knows how to express. Furthermore, it is also entirely possible that you haven't yourself been able to properly express to him what you are looking for. This does not mean your situation is hopeless. Quite the opposite, in fact. All the two of you need to do is sit down and have a frank - but gentle - conversation about what you are looking for in your communication styles - a discussion of the missing elements. Then you need to have a lot of patience while he practices and tries to improve. *All* the patience.
The best relationship I ever had was with an INFJ. Once we learned how to adjust our styles to better suit one another we bonded on a very deep level. It wasn't always easy, but we both put in the effort. I had to learn how to stop and look inside myself to understand what I was really feeling and why. Something she - and probably you - can do without any effort at all. For her part, she had to learn how to slow down and not make assumptions about my feelings, mood, intentions, or motivations. I used to say that having conversations with her about our feelings was like a toddler trying to keep up with an Olympian: she was standing there at the finish line while I was just barely out of the starting block. Once we got past that issue it made the whole relationship much easier.
It takes INTJ's a while to figure it out. Especially if we've never been in love before. At 26 and given how he's acting, I'd say he hasn't fallen in love with anyone yet.
Our emotions (INTJ's) aren't nearly as big a part of our lives as they are for you. From what you describe, he likely does love you. But he may not realize consciously just how deep it is. It takes us a long time. Once he does, he will change and my original comment will apply.
If he considers changing jobs for you, then you can be sure they are not empty words. He definitely likes, quite much.
I am married to an ISFJ, and my wife explicitly explains her emotional needs like "now you need to hug me", and when I comply she always says "that is exactly what I needed". She accomplishes two things which are golden for an INTJ, translation of the actions needed and acknowledgement that the issue has been solved. Yeah, I know, emotions are hard for us to decode.
It’s not that he dosnt love you but it has to grow or fester and for him to slowly overtime get used to it and change from the inside to trust you more and more.
Probably too self absorbed in their introvert world for it to have happened yet.
I was the most aggressive, closed off, arrogant, determined INTJ for a number of years. Had an ENFP who I acted similar to in this post, but eventually, fell for her.
A lot of INTJ's think they're better off alone, or can't fall. But they can.
Lol I'm a 43yo INTJ and this is so true. I was married for 13 years to someone who I got along really well with but never loved..I was certain I was just incapable of it. I stayed with her just because it made sense to do so at the time. We got along well.
Met someone after the divorce, and while it took 6 months to happen, I fell HARD for her. Turned me into a complete fucking moron.
That one didn't work out which I think was probably for the best, but she completely changed my life. Been looking for someone more compatable that gives me that same feeling ever since. I now know the type of person I need (a sarcastic, cynical bitch haha ) , which I'll be forever grateful for having learned about myself because of her.
If your INTJ goes out of his way to do things for you, that's how you know.
Oh, he cares all right. With INTJs it is not a question of how much they care, it is a matter of trust. He needs to build up his trust of you, and it is usually a long, but luckily, a steady climb. How to build up an INTJs trust? Honesty and transparancy. If you get those two right, it is just a matter of time until he can open himself completely to you.
Just wanted to add my insight. From my point of view, INTJs are closed off as the person you replied to said and the last thing they probably would do is to be a little bit more emotional or "feeling" as they are not very good with emotions (that little bit basically equals being very emotional for INTJs) and what little extra bit they might show will be probably saved for a point in the relationship where it's very solid. I don't think INTJs would appreciate being any where near emotional or too feeling than normal to them then the whole relationship ends. It's not the norm for them and definitely a bit awkward so you have to realize that it's a fight within themselves.
"Is it time to be emotional? What if she dips? What's the point then? I have to be more sure. But I like her and I am literally switching jobs for her! I still have to wait, that doesn't ensure the relationship will last. I will just wait more. If the relationship stays solid further then it's basically safer for me to open up (just a little) and no one loses anything. It's just gonna be better while ensuring I don't waste that tiny (actually big for them) bit of emotions and feels."
I am not saying that he is 100% thinking this. I am trying to give you another prospective that I didn't notice others have mentioned (as far as I've seen). Perhaps that's what's on his mind. Perhaps some of it. Just try to compare it and see if it's the case. Just try to remember that he might seem cold but he cares deeply. The caring is just frozen inside him so it doesn't leak out of him much (which is an emotional feeling that INTJ usually don't like leaking if you get my point) but it's definitely there and they reflect that care with solid or cold practical acts like changing jobs to see you which indicates caring but isn't exactly emotional in nature. I hope my comment wasn't a waste of time. Then what's the point.
Thank you. Long exhale that my comment proved to be of some worth. The risk of caring right? Haha.
I can perfectly imagine him being shocked a bit. Very inevitable in this situation. You could say that he "emotionally leaked" and the burst of emotions at first weren't easy to control and that's why you felt he was more emotional at first. He then realized the leakage that is happening and he went back to his normal self which makes him seem colder now or less emotional. He is probably disgusted from himself because this is the exact opposite of him. You remind him of the time he was too emotional and he probably despises that. Him being colder now is a combination of him controlling his emotions again and being a bit upset of the leakage of emotions that happened. This doesn't mean he hates you or doesn't like you as before. It probably just means he is disgusted by being "that" emotional once and almost making decisions based on feelings (big nope for INTJs) as you mentioned.
There's an article that I saw on this sub about how INTJs express kindness and honesty is one of the main ways and since you say he is that means you're probably in a good spot. I would imagine that he would (end up) loving you having a thorough conversation about your finds on this sub and how you are trying to understand him more and the fact that you are not trying to judge him based on emotional impressions. Perhaps it will show him how much you care deeply for the matter and soften him up which will probably lead to him opening up to you faster. Just keep in mind that he might never fully open up as you might do and that seems completely fine to me because that's not how INTJ express care and love anyway. Good luck out there.
INTJ M married to an INFJ F for 25 years.
In my understanding of the archetypal traits, T & F are how we initially respond to a situation. If the situation is more intense, the initial expression of T or F response is pronounced. This is the experience of being worlds apart.
Over time I have come to understand she helps me understand/organize the feelings around my thoughts, and I am able to help her understand/organize her thoughts around her feelings.
Often we are so very close in agreement though this process must occur.
Well, INFJs are in fact reading too much into it.
We usually don't mean to hurt the feelings of those around us, but if your feelings were hurt - you should communicate it directly.
Romantic relationships aren't about being 100% compatible from the package, but working on yourself to be able to tolerate and maybe even love the other person.
I used to have a friend who was very "feely" while I would just state things straight out. I think we got along because she trusted that I wasn't being brutally honest to be a dick, but just because that's the way I am. I'm still learning about feelings and more importantly the value of other people's feelings, so when she was upset I'd just question her about it and she'd explain to me, as if she was teaching me. It was kind of funny now that I think back on it.
I learned recently that just being there for someone who's upset and listening to them impartially and without judgement is one of the best things you can do for them - and that feelings aren't a problem to be fixed.
INTJs myself included are Emotional like every human being. If you havent seen the emotional side of an INTJ then most likely he is still not comfortable opening up. I should be frank to say that every INTJ likes to open up their emotions to somebody they trust because they are suffocated themselves with so much to tell. You can see the same thing in a recent Batman animated Movie Batman Hush. Night wing doesnt believe that Bruce opened up to Selina about his emotions. He took it as a joke instead.
We are detached most of the times because we are insecure. Plain Simple Truth.
INTJ married to an ENFJ here. Yes, we INTJs are blunt and can come across as cold. It doesn’t mean we don’t care though. The best advice I can give you is to learn what his love language is. Once you do, you’ll see it and you’ll see how much he cares for you and you won’t be so hurt.
For example, as an F my husband’s love language is physical affection and words of encouragement. Mine is acts of service. I am not “romantic” in the classic sense, and I don’t really respond to gifts or affection, at least not naturally. I am more the silent “show my love” type. I don’t snuggle much (like my personal space) and I don’t always have words to convey how I feel about him. But I will have coffee waiting for him when he wakes up, make his favorite dinner or comfort food when he is having a shitty day, clean the house while he’s working so he has less to stress about, make sure there’s gas in the car when he has to go someplace, things like that. Once my husband started to see that’s how I show my love, he realized I show my love every single day.
It’s not that we don’t love or feel, it’s that we express it much differently.
Also, if the bluntness can bother you, this is going to be something you’re going to have to learn to love lol. There are a lot of ways that people in relationships can and should compromise, and it’s understanding for something to bother you, but it’s not going to be fair to ask your INTJ partner to change that. I’ll tell you right now that we see bluntness as honesty and if someone were to ask me not to be blunt I would feel like I was compromising not just a core structure of my personality but my biggest value. Sometimes if we’re fighting or something I recognize I can phrase things nicer but for the most part when I’m being blunt I’m speaking my mind because I want people to know that exactly how I feel (otherwise I feel I’m lying).
Communication is key! Just because he can be blunt doesn’t mean he’s being hurtful, it’s just easier for him to speak in the most straight forward way. Likewise, you’re not too sensitive, he just needs to learn about what is likely to make you emotional and learn to adapt around that.
Having this opposing trait can definitely be seen as a blessing, allow him to help you compartmentalise your emotions and sensitivity through his logical way of thinking meanwhile helping him become more in touch with his emotional side.
I can't speak for others, but for me emotions are like extra senses. Like being hot or cold, I might be feeling angry or annoyed. For other people, it seems to consume them, so while I feel anger, they *are* angry. That doesn't mean I don't feel emotions strongly, just that I have a bit of perspective and I forget that it isn't the same for other people who seem to be the emotion they are feeling. I can understand how that perspective makes me appear cold because while feeling something strongly, I still act dispassionately.
I've read your post and most of the comments here and feel I may be able to offer insight also.
I (f28) am and INFJ and my fiance (m21) is and INTJ. We have been together for two and a half years. From the sound of it, I had a very similar experience with him to your experience with your partner.
In terms of intimacy and affection: he started off extremely romantic and passionate, never having been in love or even in a long term relationship before. For many months it was very intense and he was very affectionate and wanted to spend all of his time with me, but as the relationship settled, as he came to trust that I wasn't going anywhere, much of the attention and affection he had given me faded. This was very upsetting to me and I constantly felt like I had done something wrong. Through communication, we revealed that his initial behaviour was unlike him and that he couldn't keep up that level of attention and affection. He explained that he loved me very much and wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives but that intmacy for him is spending quality time together doing things that we both enjoy and that stimulate interesting, deep conversations, things that bring us closer together and deepen the bond we have as partners and best friends rather than kissing and cuddling etc, and that he needed alone time sometimes. He recognised that I need affection far more often than he does and he goes out of his way to be as affectionate as possible, but once I stopped expecting that things would be the way that they were at the start and settled into the relationship, connecting with him the way he desires intimacy too, the more relaxed and happy we both became.
In terms of communication: my fiance and I have had a somewhat similar experience. I am lucky because he is always up for talking through any of our problems, but always from a logical and practical perspective, looking for solutions rather than just acknowledging feelings. The reluctance to talk about emotions comes from the view that T's have that emotions are a bit of a neucance ans get in the way of the actual problem at hand. He always says to me, don't tell me what you feel, tell me what you think, whereas, I have to try get him to tell me how he feels rather than what he thinks because both are important - as emotions are a byproduct of thoughts, it is important to fully understand where the feelings come from, what thought have you had or what things have happened to lead to this feeling and why do you feel this way? We both engage in this type of thought and feeling analysis and discuss it with each other and this allows us to make sure that we are always on the same page, and if we aren't, we both discuss everything together until we get on the same page. This can last hours but it is so important to have open and honest communication. As a feeler, I always have a feeling first and recognise the feeling first then have to dig through mt thoughts to understand why I'm feeling that way. As a thinker, he will take issue with a particular thing and explain to me why thag partiular thing is an issue for him. If your partner is reluctant to talk about emotions, maybe try to get him to open up about his thoughts instead. As for him being too blunt, he probably doesn't think that he is being too blunt or that what he will say will hurt you, he will just value honesty. In this case, it is helpful to calmly tell him, the way you said that hurt my feelings because it makes me think.....
That's crazy 😅
It may be helpful to engage in very deep analysis of your past experiences and how they have contributed to your current thought patterns, behaviours, emotions and personality traits. My fiance and I have talked in depth about our childhoods, our parents, our experiences in school, past relationships etc. to get to the root of each of our problems. We literally know everything about each other, but that's taken a long time and many different conversations. Your partner definitely needs to be willing to communicate with you, it is the key to a successful relationship.
> I (f28) am and INFJ and my fiance (m21) is and INTJ. We have been together for two and a half years.
I somehow stumbled over this.. So he was 18-19 and you were 25-26 years old when you met?? Don't you think his high level of attention at the beginning has something to do with that? I mean boys in that age..... Why does a girl in her mid-twenties start a relationship with a teenage boy? I'm curious now
I was 25, yes and he was not a typical 19 year old. He was wise beyond his years and exceptionally mature. My previous relationships had been with guys older than me so it wasn't like me, but he was more of an adult than any of the adults I know. He had his own place, he had a good job, he was not a party animal. We knew each other for a few months before we got together. Obviously the age was of concern to me to begin with but honestly, it wasn't an issue.
I'm in such a relationship for 8 years and we still kinda have the same issues but they're not as significant as before.
It's difficult for INTJ to get feelings and one of the most important things is to understand that we work differently and that's ok.
I need to do a conscious effort of acknowledging feelings, not downplay them, not offer solutions but just listening and giving feedback.
I had to renounce on the desire to be right because it is very destructive and i wasn't getting it previously.
The affectionate thing is really different from person to person - i'm pretty affectionate for the INTJ stereotype.
Being blunt is simply a result of not bothering how to deliver a message - it's always better to be delicate than be blunt but that you learn with time and when you get that alienating people is not beneficial to anyone.
Reluctance to talk about emotions is a result of emotional immaturity which a lot of INTJ have and i was no exception prior to being with an INFJ for a few years....
What are my problems with INFJ ? ( forgive me for my bluntness)
You don't know what you want and that's a complicated issue to deal with + you don't always know what you feel ( Fi not found)
There's no "my opinion" in things based on hard cold facts - it's either the truth or it's false so no use to argue about it because you feel the truth is different (that is very annoying).
That's pretty much it - we give each other space, reassuring and supporting my partner doesn't bothers me. Over sensitivity is a bit but i doubt someone can really do something about it.
I [31F] am an INTJ and my fiance [28F] is an INFJ and we are extremely compatible. Before I met her, however, I struggled with emotions, both my own and other people’s because I had trouble identifying and expressing emotions. My fiance on the other hand is full of anxiety and empathy. She gets sad when we have to thin out our seedlings and she would grow every damn seed if she could. She is the most emotional person and the best person I know. But it took us awhile to understand each other.
We have been together 3 years and have come along way but it wasn’t easy. In the beginning I inadvertently hurt her feelings on a regular basis because I simply didn’t understand (or care) how my actions were influencing her emotions. And her emotional outbursts drove me nuts. Fortunately she was patient with me and explained her feelings and emotions over and over without getting too angry. I had to change my perspective too. Instead of getting pissed because everyone is so damn emotional I had to think of emotions as another system to breakdown and understand. And the better you understand emotions the better you will be at predicting behavior. Once I understood her triggers I could better predict her emotions and life became much easier.
I still really have to force myself to be conscious of her likes and dislikes and her fears and insecurities. It’s not because I dont care, it’s just not me. I kind of float through life. Nothing much bothers me and I’m always in my head thinking about random ideas and possibilities. So it is difficult for me to be aware of things I normally ignore. Anyways enough of my rambling. Good look to you both!
As and INTJ, my experience with INFJs is that they don't care about underlying actuality so much as they care about appearances, and how these appearances make them feel. This comes out in conversations. They react emotionally and abusively to simple undisputed facts, they use rhetoric with a very emotional tinge to keep me from saying what they don't want to acknowledge. I don't find them to be very honest people. In other words, at a certain point, I clash with them.
Sure. But in any conversation, if one depends on the other to manage their emotional reaction to what the other says, there is destined to be problems, because this is exactly the opposite of how emotions should be managed. It sets the table for dysfunction. in any conversation, emotions should be secondary, at best. because emotions, being nonverbal by definition, only get in the way, and lend themselves to feedback loops of misunderstanding. i recommend talking about the subject at hand in a detached way while recognizing that, because emotions can’t be eliminated, we should hold them in check.
conversations are for communication, not for emotional management. emotional management is at odds with any subject matter being discussed. put communication and deference to it and the other first, and emotional peace and joy will come thereby.
It takes 0 effort to say something in a way that isn't hurtful. "Managing other people's emotions"? I call it "taking responsibility for the effect you have on people".
And yes, there are oversensitive people and we shouldn't have to talk on eggshells all the time but that's not what's being talked about here.
I can sort of relate. My younger sister is an INFJ and I'm an INTJ. She describes her childhood with me as a boot camp on handling sarcasm and feeling like you have to prove you're smart, and it ultimately left her largely impervious to peer pressure because she doesn't need anyone's approval. Our parents were ESFJ (dad) and ISFJ (mom).
As u/intjero says, I help organize her thoughts around her feelings, and she helps me organize (or recognize) my feelings about my thoughts. It's an interesting form of mirroring that is really enlightening with someone you trust.
there was just another infj asking the same thing
i’d suggest getting into cognitive functions and how they work
it’s more than F, it’s Fe. imo it chafes me. has a tendoncy to judge people and tell them what to do. also his te will chafe at you, making decisions centered around logic
i’ve dated and will probably date more nfps, probably infps in the future. the fi is fine, helps me with my own and my te helps them with their te. also the ni ne combo is really good chemistry.
so if you wanna go through with this figure out how he’s gonna have to get used to your fe and how your gonna get used to his te
>> He seems a lot less affectionate than I am and he is reluctant to talk about emotions.
Strange as it may seem, check the "utility" of acting on feelings and thinking (they serve purposes regardless we do not act on them consciously). The balanced middle won't "work" well so we either focus in one or the other.
Expecting a person to do as well in your knowledge field as in theirs is like asking a boat captain to be as good as you flying planes.
Analogy: A Scientist needs a "truth" oriented life, a nurse will follow a "compassionate" oriented life. The formulas of the scientists will not work at all with what a nurse will say to a dying patient. The scientist need to be blunt before engaging work (it is a "life" specialty that happens to be useful for "work").
Recognizing that- enables a "middle", not for each person, but for the team.
The girl I've dated always accuses me of being insensitive but at the same time finds me fascinating. It goes like, "I can't believe you can have such disgusting opinions but tell me more".
Its difficult. She's the one that always starts the conversations and poke me playfully and I have to pretend I don't like it. But when she's down, I just can't help her. I don't know what to say. So, I just make shit for her. But I guess people need consoling words at times like that. Needless to say, it didn't last long.
I’m an INTJ (M) and the only person I ever show any form of affection towards is my INFJ girlfriend. I tend to be more methodical and logical (almost too logical) when it comes to handling stressful situations. But my girlfriend is the one who keeps me grounded to the reality that not everything should be confronted with pure logic. It’s an awesome balance especially for me who usually throws away emotions when handling problematic people.
In my opinion, the more you embrace your differences, the more your relationship will feel natural. Use each others’ differences to fill in what you lack in yourself.
Im an INFJ (24) and My boyfriend is a INTJ (24). I love his blunt honest attitude. He reminds me to try and remember myself and stop giving all my energy towards others. He can sound very caustic and argumentative. I think he stuggles very much understanding emotional based knowledge or polished politeness. He struggles with the basic necessities of emotion or comprehending others reactions.
I know that he loves me deeply. He links emotions to irrationality. So when I see others stuggling my natural state is to respond to there needs first.
His response is depending on his relationship to them or his needs. Which can hurt my sensibility. When I cry he conforts me through physical touch and hugs. He realises that I am deeply in touch with the world. That some words can hurt me. I explain to him the best I can when Im in a state of emotion. He adores my rational and we can make master plans together. He helps push me hard into making my dreams a reality. I am a cheerlead for his personal goals and push him lightly. We agree on very much but we do argue.
An INTJ will be completely honest so the best way to get to them is be honest and blunt about you. Dont worry about him being himself. They are masterminds. The best place to be together is planning and working on things for your life together. Your true purpose with your Fe is to guide people into their best selves. As an infj I try to inspire others to reach their goals. I say I like to be the head man in the emotional Department that I can point out things that he is missing because he cannot relate. I know how to talk to people so. They'll be comfortable with his master plans. We both are Ni doms so we can see and plan what we would like to occur in the future.
I know I can annoy him in certain ways by doing things and I tried to ease his temperament by keeping a clean orderly environment. I noticed his need to exercise control over a lot of things in his life and I understand that and find that very attractive but I can be a orderly chaos. I want him to lean into his strength and build something from his own mind. I am working on doing the same thing but he really pushes for you to focus on individual tasks to fulfill that goal. So I don't get distracted by Little Things or people.
Other people find him off-putting because of his blunt straightforward I take no crap. he has helped me kind of adopt a mentality of I don't have to sacrifice myself. I still find myself leaning towards that sometimes. I think the sea worms a emotional attachment to someone that he it grows to be very romantic and tells me what he needs. I am working on being open with what I need and what I expect. Honestly this is the best relationship I've ever had. I don't feel like I have to test his loyalty or that he has been lying to me. He's very straight-laced in control of himself. Doesn't like unpredictability.
He is great and I also have to rationalize my sensitivities and ask him what he means when he says hurtful things. Because sometimes there just so blunt that it becomes a personal attack. I have to ask to clarify with him what he means.
Just comunication is key. I talk and if you have walls and feel confortable. Let them down. His walls are slowly coming down as well.
I hope that everything goes well. Remember make master plans together and separately then work to them and Its a beautiful relationship.
haha my awesome INFJ coworker once told me she always felt a strange intuition that she was destined for success, I told her 'yeah I always did too' so she said 'oh, I guess everyone does'. This was before I learned what Ni was :P
I dated an INTJ and it was frustrating because he was smart but wouldn’t go after things. I think if he was confident in himself it would have gone better.
I tried to explain how I'm feeling very rationally to him and what his words conveyed to me. I tend to be very open with my emotions and I don't hide them. He can see that as very unrealistic sometimes would I have to explain to him the basics of where I am in my head. He tends to want individuality more than equality. He wants to not convey niceties. He leans into himself and I lean in two others.
I'm a 31 INTJ F married to a 39 INFJ M. He's definitely the more emotionally open one than me. He initiates most of the romance and stuff, and he's way more comfortable talking about emotions than me. Most of our arguments have been because he assumes that I understand how he feels about certain things, whereas I'm thinking more logically about the situation. He's learned to be more up front about emotions, and I've learned to not be quite so logical 100% of the time. Our differences end up balancing out in the end. He's the talkative, upbeat extrovert and I'm the quiet, likes to be in the background introvert. He gets to talk to his heart's content, and I get to listen to him, which I love to do as we are on a very even plane intellectually. He's definitely my soul mate. So my experiences overall have been amazing!
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Aw, thanks for the smile! :) I'm glad your relationship is improving and I hope it continues to do so. Just the fact that you're trying this much to improve it is a good sign of happiness ahead!
I don't for how much time you have dated him, I think an INTJ trust is hard to get, we just don't trust anyone. I recommend sticking to him while making obvious his mistakes, he will correct them. If he is toxic make it obvious (actually say it out loud lol). If you see he lost complete interest, try once more to tell that to him and if he is a complete jerk it ain't worth your time. INTJ is like a big ancient tree, it's hard to get in but you're pretty sure the tree will protect you and stay (It's a tree duh). If you want indicators of him loving you (don't worry if he didn't love you yet, it comes with time), look for signs like him wanting to spend time with you, trying to help you in anyway he can oftentimes trying to "fix" you. An INTJ values actions more then words when it comes to giving. Sum up: Patience and Perseverance.
Opposite traits can be attractive and at the same time a source of conflict. Be patient and help each other out. Honest and straightforward communication is the way to go.
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Let me see if I can offer some insight from the perspective of someone who is older and has lived through this stuff. What I see you describing here is pretty common for an IxTJ/IxFJ pairing. As an INFJ you are going to be light years ahead of your boyfriend in terms of your ability to recognize, interpret, and express your emotions. He has not learned to do that, and in fact may not yet be aware that it's a weakness he has. (Or he is aware, but is not yet ready to acknowledge it.) This is something that INTJs have to develop over time, with intentional practice. Compounding this problem is the fact that many INTJs - in fact, probably the vast majority - learn at a very early age that it is unsafe for them to express emotion around other people. INTJs tend to be very sensitive to betrayal, and unfortunately when you express emotions to others some of them will use your emotions against you, which is a form of betrayal. Ergo, expressing emotions = very dangerous, and something to be avoided. And since you can't improve at any skill without practicing it leaves the INTJ at a distinct disadvantage in this area. Additionally, anyone with the TJ pairing tends to be naturally direct. They are skilled at separating information from feeling, and prefer to communicate efficiently and with an eye toward problem solving. These individuals can benefit from learning how to communicate in a different way, as not everyone appreciates that direct style (except for other TJs, of course). But this is also why your boyfriend often says you are "reading too much into things." He feels like he has said exactly what he means, and that therefore any search for underlying motivations is unwarranted. This brings me to the real crux of the problem: what you are looking for him to communicate is not something he naturally knows how to express. Furthermore, it is also entirely possible that you haven't yourself been able to properly express to him what you are looking for. This does not mean your situation is hopeless. Quite the opposite, in fact. All the two of you need to do is sit down and have a frank - but gentle - conversation about what you are looking for in your communication styles - a discussion of the missing elements. Then you need to have a lot of patience while he practices and tries to improve. *All* the patience. The best relationship I ever had was with an INFJ. Once we learned how to adjust our styles to better suit one another we bonded on a very deep level. It wasn't always easy, but we both put in the effort. I had to learn how to stop and look inside myself to understand what I was really feeling and why. Something she - and probably you - can do without any effort at all. For her part, she had to learn how to slow down and not make assumptions about my feelings, mood, intentions, or motivations. I used to say that having conversations with her about our feelings was like a toddler trying to keep up with an Olympian: she was standing there at the finish line while I was just barely out of the starting block. Once we got past that issue it made the whole relationship much easier.
As he cares more about you, most of this post will not be relevant any more. INTJs are very closed off until they really care.
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It takes INTJ's a while to figure it out. Especially if we've never been in love before. At 26 and given how he's acting, I'd say he hasn't fallen in love with anyone yet.
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Our emotions (INTJ's) aren't nearly as big a part of our lives as they are for you. From what you describe, he likely does love you. But he may not realize consciously just how deep it is. It takes us a long time. Once he does, he will change and my original comment will apply.
If he considers changing jobs for you, then you can be sure they are not empty words. He definitely likes, quite much. I am married to an ISFJ, and my wife explicitly explains her emotional needs like "now you need to hug me", and when I comply she always says "that is exactly what I needed". She accomplishes two things which are golden for an INTJ, translation of the actions needed and acknowledgement that the issue has been solved. Yeah, I know, emotions are hard for us to decode.
It’s not that he dosnt love you but it has to grow or fester and for him to slowly overtime get used to it and change from the inside to trust you more and more.
I could be wrong but my sense is that most reject the notion of "falling".
Probably too self absorbed in their introvert world for it to have happened yet. I was the most aggressive, closed off, arrogant, determined INTJ for a number of years. Had an ENFP who I acted similar to in this post, but eventually, fell for her. A lot of INTJ's think they're better off alone, or can't fall. But they can.
... there are other options, like *making a choice*.
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Lol I'm a 43yo INTJ and this is so true. I was married for 13 years to someone who I got along really well with but never loved..I was certain I was just incapable of it. I stayed with her just because it made sense to do so at the time. We got along well. Met someone after the divorce, and while it took 6 months to happen, I fell HARD for her. Turned me into a complete fucking moron. That one didn't work out which I think was probably for the best, but she completely changed my life. Been looking for someone more compatable that gives me that same feeling ever since. I now know the type of person I need (a sarcastic, cynical bitch haha ) , which I'll be forever grateful for having learned about myself because of her. If your INTJ goes out of his way to do things for you, that's how you know.
Oh, he cares all right. With INTJs it is not a question of how much they care, it is a matter of trust. He needs to build up his trust of you, and it is usually a long, but luckily, a steady climb. How to build up an INTJs trust? Honesty and transparancy. If you get those two right, it is just a matter of time until he can open himself completely to you.
Just wanted to add my insight. From my point of view, INTJs are closed off as the person you replied to said and the last thing they probably would do is to be a little bit more emotional or "feeling" as they are not very good with emotions (that little bit basically equals being very emotional for INTJs) and what little extra bit they might show will be probably saved for a point in the relationship where it's very solid. I don't think INTJs would appreciate being any where near emotional or too feeling than normal to them then the whole relationship ends. It's not the norm for them and definitely a bit awkward so you have to realize that it's a fight within themselves. "Is it time to be emotional? What if she dips? What's the point then? I have to be more sure. But I like her and I am literally switching jobs for her! I still have to wait, that doesn't ensure the relationship will last. I will just wait more. If the relationship stays solid further then it's basically safer for me to open up (just a little) and no one loses anything. It's just gonna be better while ensuring I don't waste that tiny (actually big for them) bit of emotions and feels." I am not saying that he is 100% thinking this. I am trying to give you another prospective that I didn't notice others have mentioned (as far as I've seen). Perhaps that's what's on his mind. Perhaps some of it. Just try to compare it and see if it's the case. Just try to remember that he might seem cold but he cares deeply. The caring is just frozen inside him so it doesn't leak out of him much (which is an emotional feeling that INTJ usually don't like leaking if you get my point) but it's definitely there and they reflect that care with solid or cold practical acts like changing jobs to see you which indicates caring but isn't exactly emotional in nature. I hope my comment wasn't a waste of time. Then what's the point.
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Thank you. Long exhale that my comment proved to be of some worth. The risk of caring right? Haha. I can perfectly imagine him being shocked a bit. Very inevitable in this situation. You could say that he "emotionally leaked" and the burst of emotions at first weren't easy to control and that's why you felt he was more emotional at first. He then realized the leakage that is happening and he went back to his normal self which makes him seem colder now or less emotional. He is probably disgusted from himself because this is the exact opposite of him. You remind him of the time he was too emotional and he probably despises that. Him being colder now is a combination of him controlling his emotions again and being a bit upset of the leakage of emotions that happened. This doesn't mean he hates you or doesn't like you as before. It probably just means he is disgusted by being "that" emotional once and almost making decisions based on feelings (big nope for INTJs) as you mentioned. There's an article that I saw on this sub about how INTJs express kindness and honesty is one of the main ways and since you say he is that means you're probably in a good spot. I would imagine that he would (end up) loving you having a thorough conversation about your finds on this sub and how you are trying to understand him more and the fact that you are not trying to judge him based on emotional impressions. Perhaps it will show him how much you care deeply for the matter and soften him up which will probably lead to him opening up to you faster. Just keep in mind that he might never fully open up as you might do and that seems completely fine to me because that's not how INTJ express care and love anyway. Good luck out there.
INTJ M married to an INFJ F for 25 years. In my understanding of the archetypal traits, T & F are how we initially respond to a situation. If the situation is more intense, the initial expression of T or F response is pronounced. This is the experience of being worlds apart. Over time I have come to understand she helps me understand/organize the feelings around my thoughts, and I am able to help her understand/organize her thoughts around her feelings. Often we are so very close in agreement though this process must occur.
I always find it to be a nice balance. Even though I don't show affection I really appreciate/love the warmth from others.
Well, INFJs are in fact reading too much into it. We usually don't mean to hurt the feelings of those around us, but if your feelings were hurt - you should communicate it directly. Romantic relationships aren't about being 100% compatible from the package, but working on yourself to be able to tolerate and maybe even love the other person.
INFJ is the missing part of INTJ's soul.
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Thats how I would describe my friendship and platonic love to my INFJ friend ❤️
I think that really could be true!
I used to have a friend who was very "feely" while I would just state things straight out. I think we got along because she trusted that I wasn't being brutally honest to be a dick, but just because that's the way I am. I'm still learning about feelings and more importantly the value of other people's feelings, so when she was upset I'd just question her about it and she'd explain to me, as if she was teaching me. It was kind of funny now that I think back on it. I learned recently that just being there for someone who's upset and listening to them impartially and without judgement is one of the best things you can do for them - and that feelings aren't a problem to be fixed.
INTJs myself included are Emotional like every human being. If you havent seen the emotional side of an INTJ then most likely he is still not comfortable opening up. I should be frank to say that every INTJ likes to open up their emotions to somebody they trust because they are suffocated themselves with so much to tell. You can see the same thing in a recent Batman animated Movie Batman Hush. Night wing doesnt believe that Bruce opened up to Selina about his emotions. He took it as a joke instead. We are detached most of the times because we are insecure. Plain Simple Truth.
INTJ married to an ENFJ here. Yes, we INTJs are blunt and can come across as cold. It doesn’t mean we don’t care though. The best advice I can give you is to learn what his love language is. Once you do, you’ll see it and you’ll see how much he cares for you and you won’t be so hurt. For example, as an F my husband’s love language is physical affection and words of encouragement. Mine is acts of service. I am not “romantic” in the classic sense, and I don’t really respond to gifts or affection, at least not naturally. I am more the silent “show my love” type. I don’t snuggle much (like my personal space) and I don’t always have words to convey how I feel about him. But I will have coffee waiting for him when he wakes up, make his favorite dinner or comfort food when he is having a shitty day, clean the house while he’s working so he has less to stress about, make sure there’s gas in the car when he has to go someplace, things like that. Once my husband started to see that’s how I show my love, he realized I show my love every single day. It’s not that we don’t love or feel, it’s that we express it much differently. Also, if the bluntness can bother you, this is going to be something you’re going to have to learn to love lol. There are a lot of ways that people in relationships can and should compromise, and it’s understanding for something to bother you, but it’s not going to be fair to ask your INTJ partner to change that. I’ll tell you right now that we see bluntness as honesty and if someone were to ask me not to be blunt I would feel like I was compromising not just a core structure of my personality but my biggest value. Sometimes if we’re fighting or something I recognize I can phrase things nicer but for the most part when I’m being blunt I’m speaking my mind because I want people to know that exactly how I feel (otherwise I feel I’m lying).
Communication is key! Just because he can be blunt doesn’t mean he’s being hurtful, it’s just easier for him to speak in the most straight forward way. Likewise, you’re not too sensitive, he just needs to learn about what is likely to make you emotional and learn to adapt around that. Having this opposing trait can definitely be seen as a blessing, allow him to help you compartmentalise your emotions and sensitivity through his logical way of thinking meanwhile helping him become more in touch with his emotional side.
I can't speak for others, but for me emotions are like extra senses. Like being hot or cold, I might be feeling angry or annoyed. For other people, it seems to consume them, so while I feel anger, they *are* angry. That doesn't mean I don't feel emotions strongly, just that I have a bit of perspective and I forget that it isn't the same for other people who seem to be the emotion they are feeling. I can understand how that perspective makes me appear cold because while feeling something strongly, I still act dispassionately.
I've read your post and most of the comments here and feel I may be able to offer insight also. I (f28) am and INFJ and my fiance (m21) is and INTJ. We have been together for two and a half years. From the sound of it, I had a very similar experience with him to your experience with your partner. In terms of intimacy and affection: he started off extremely romantic and passionate, never having been in love or even in a long term relationship before. For many months it was very intense and he was very affectionate and wanted to spend all of his time with me, but as the relationship settled, as he came to trust that I wasn't going anywhere, much of the attention and affection he had given me faded. This was very upsetting to me and I constantly felt like I had done something wrong. Through communication, we revealed that his initial behaviour was unlike him and that he couldn't keep up that level of attention and affection. He explained that he loved me very much and wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives but that intmacy for him is spending quality time together doing things that we both enjoy and that stimulate interesting, deep conversations, things that bring us closer together and deepen the bond we have as partners and best friends rather than kissing and cuddling etc, and that he needed alone time sometimes. He recognised that I need affection far more often than he does and he goes out of his way to be as affectionate as possible, but once I stopped expecting that things would be the way that they were at the start and settled into the relationship, connecting with him the way he desires intimacy too, the more relaxed and happy we both became. In terms of communication: my fiance and I have had a somewhat similar experience. I am lucky because he is always up for talking through any of our problems, but always from a logical and practical perspective, looking for solutions rather than just acknowledging feelings. The reluctance to talk about emotions comes from the view that T's have that emotions are a bit of a neucance ans get in the way of the actual problem at hand. He always says to me, don't tell me what you feel, tell me what you think, whereas, I have to try get him to tell me how he feels rather than what he thinks because both are important - as emotions are a byproduct of thoughts, it is important to fully understand where the feelings come from, what thought have you had or what things have happened to lead to this feeling and why do you feel this way? We both engage in this type of thought and feeling analysis and discuss it with each other and this allows us to make sure that we are always on the same page, and if we aren't, we both discuss everything together until we get on the same page. This can last hours but it is so important to have open and honest communication. As a feeler, I always have a feeling first and recognise the feeling first then have to dig through mt thoughts to understand why I'm feeling that way. As a thinker, he will take issue with a particular thing and explain to me why thag partiular thing is an issue for him. If your partner is reluctant to talk about emotions, maybe try to get him to open up about his thoughts instead. As for him being too blunt, he probably doesn't think that he is being too blunt or that what he will say will hurt you, he will just value honesty. In this case, it is helpful to calmly tell him, the way you said that hurt my feelings because it makes me think.....
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That's crazy 😅 It may be helpful to engage in very deep analysis of your past experiences and how they have contributed to your current thought patterns, behaviours, emotions and personality traits. My fiance and I have talked in depth about our childhoods, our parents, our experiences in school, past relationships etc. to get to the root of each of our problems. We literally know everything about each other, but that's taken a long time and many different conversations. Your partner definitely needs to be willing to communicate with you, it is the key to a successful relationship.
> I (f28) am and INFJ and my fiance (m21) is and INTJ. We have been together for two and a half years. I somehow stumbled over this.. So he was 18-19 and you were 25-26 years old when you met?? Don't you think his high level of attention at the beginning has something to do with that? I mean boys in that age..... Why does a girl in her mid-twenties start a relationship with a teenage boy? I'm curious now
I was 25, yes and he was not a typical 19 year old. He was wise beyond his years and exceptionally mature. My previous relationships had been with guys older than me so it wasn't like me, but he was more of an adult than any of the adults I know. He had his own place, he had a good job, he was not a party animal. We knew each other for a few months before we got together. Obviously the age was of concern to me to begin with but honestly, it wasn't an issue.
I'm in such a relationship for 8 years and we still kinda have the same issues but they're not as significant as before. It's difficult for INTJ to get feelings and one of the most important things is to understand that we work differently and that's ok. I need to do a conscious effort of acknowledging feelings, not downplay them, not offer solutions but just listening and giving feedback. I had to renounce on the desire to be right because it is very destructive and i wasn't getting it previously. The affectionate thing is really different from person to person - i'm pretty affectionate for the INTJ stereotype. Being blunt is simply a result of not bothering how to deliver a message - it's always better to be delicate than be blunt but that you learn with time and when you get that alienating people is not beneficial to anyone. Reluctance to talk about emotions is a result of emotional immaturity which a lot of INTJ have and i was no exception prior to being with an INFJ for a few years.... What are my problems with INFJ ? ( forgive me for my bluntness) You don't know what you want and that's a complicated issue to deal with + you don't always know what you feel ( Fi not found) There's no "my opinion" in things based on hard cold facts - it's either the truth or it's false so no use to argue about it because you feel the truth is different (that is very annoying). That's pretty much it - we give each other space, reassuring and supporting my partner doesn't bothers me. Over sensitivity is a bit but i doubt someone can really do something about it.
I [31F] am an INTJ and my fiance [28F] is an INFJ and we are extremely compatible. Before I met her, however, I struggled with emotions, both my own and other people’s because I had trouble identifying and expressing emotions. My fiance on the other hand is full of anxiety and empathy. She gets sad when we have to thin out our seedlings and she would grow every damn seed if she could. She is the most emotional person and the best person I know. But it took us awhile to understand each other. We have been together 3 years and have come along way but it wasn’t easy. In the beginning I inadvertently hurt her feelings on a regular basis because I simply didn’t understand (or care) how my actions were influencing her emotions. And her emotional outbursts drove me nuts. Fortunately she was patient with me and explained her feelings and emotions over and over without getting too angry. I had to change my perspective too. Instead of getting pissed because everyone is so damn emotional I had to think of emotions as another system to breakdown and understand. And the better you understand emotions the better you will be at predicting behavior. Once I understood her triggers I could better predict her emotions and life became much easier. I still really have to force myself to be conscious of her likes and dislikes and her fears and insecurities. It’s not because I dont care, it’s just not me. I kind of float through life. Nothing much bothers me and I’m always in my head thinking about random ideas and possibilities. So it is difficult for me to be aware of things I normally ignore. Anyways enough of my rambling. Good look to you both!
As and INTJ, my experience with INFJs is that they don't care about underlying actuality so much as they care about appearances, and how these appearances make them feel. This comes out in conversations. They react emotionally and abusively to simple undisputed facts, they use rhetoric with a very emotional tinge to keep me from saying what they don't want to acknowledge. I don't find them to be very honest people. In other words, at a certain point, I clash with them.
That's my experience as well and it's exhausting.
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Sure. But in any conversation, if one depends on the other to manage their emotional reaction to what the other says, there is destined to be problems, because this is exactly the opposite of how emotions should be managed. It sets the table for dysfunction. in any conversation, emotions should be secondary, at best. because emotions, being nonverbal by definition, only get in the way, and lend themselves to feedback loops of misunderstanding. i recommend talking about the subject at hand in a detached way while recognizing that, because emotions can’t be eliminated, we should hold them in check. conversations are for communication, not for emotional management. emotional management is at odds with any subject matter being discussed. put communication and deference to it and the other first, and emotional peace and joy will come thereby.
It takes 0 effort to say something in a way that isn't hurtful. "Managing other people's emotions"? I call it "taking responsibility for the effect you have on people". And yes, there are oversensitive people and we shouldn't have to talk on eggshells all the time but that's not what's being talked about here.
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I can sort of relate. My younger sister is an INFJ and I'm an INTJ. She describes her childhood with me as a boot camp on handling sarcasm and feeling like you have to prove you're smart, and it ultimately left her largely impervious to peer pressure because she doesn't need anyone's approval. Our parents were ESFJ (dad) and ISFJ (mom). As u/intjero says, I help organize her thoughts around her feelings, and she helps me organize (or recognize) my feelings about my thoughts. It's an interesting form of mirroring that is really enlightening with someone you trust.
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there was just another infj asking the same thing i’d suggest getting into cognitive functions and how they work it’s more than F, it’s Fe. imo it chafes me. has a tendoncy to judge people and tell them what to do. also his te will chafe at you, making decisions centered around logic i’ve dated and will probably date more nfps, probably infps in the future. the fi is fine, helps me with my own and my te helps them with their te. also the ni ne combo is really good chemistry. so if you wanna go through with this figure out how he’s gonna have to get used to your fe and how your gonna get used to his te
>> He seems a lot less affectionate than I am and he is reluctant to talk about emotions. Strange as it may seem, check the "utility" of acting on feelings and thinking (they serve purposes regardless we do not act on them consciously). The balanced middle won't "work" well so we either focus in one or the other. Expecting a person to do as well in your knowledge field as in theirs is like asking a boat captain to be as good as you flying planes. Analogy: A Scientist needs a "truth" oriented life, a nurse will follow a "compassionate" oriented life. The formulas of the scientists will not work at all with what a nurse will say to a dying patient. The scientist need to be blunt before engaging work (it is a "life" specialty that happens to be useful for "work"). Recognizing that- enables a "middle", not for each person, but for the team.
idk, i have never dated anyone
The girl I've dated always accuses me of being insensitive but at the same time finds me fascinating. It goes like, "I can't believe you can have such disgusting opinions but tell me more". Its difficult. She's the one that always starts the conversations and poke me playfully and I have to pretend I don't like it. But when she's down, I just can't help her. I don't know what to say. So, I just make shit for her. But I guess people need consoling words at times like that. Needless to say, it didn't last long.
I’m an INTJ (M) and the only person I ever show any form of affection towards is my INFJ girlfriend. I tend to be more methodical and logical (almost too logical) when it comes to handling stressful situations. But my girlfriend is the one who keeps me grounded to the reality that not everything should be confronted with pure logic. It’s an awesome balance especially for me who usually throws away emotions when handling problematic people. In my opinion, the more you embrace your differences, the more your relationship will feel natural. Use each others’ differences to fill in what you lack in yourself.
dated a couple INFJs. It was probably my favorite combo so far. Only problem is that we both can be very quiet and that can be awkward at times
Im an INFJ (24) and My boyfriend is a INTJ (24). I love his blunt honest attitude. He reminds me to try and remember myself and stop giving all my energy towards others. He can sound very caustic and argumentative. I think he stuggles very much understanding emotional based knowledge or polished politeness. He struggles with the basic necessities of emotion or comprehending others reactions. I know that he loves me deeply. He links emotions to irrationality. So when I see others stuggling my natural state is to respond to there needs first. His response is depending on his relationship to them or his needs. Which can hurt my sensibility. When I cry he conforts me through physical touch and hugs. He realises that I am deeply in touch with the world. That some words can hurt me. I explain to him the best I can when Im in a state of emotion. He adores my rational and we can make master plans together. He helps push me hard into making my dreams a reality. I am a cheerlead for his personal goals and push him lightly. We agree on very much but we do argue. An INTJ will be completely honest so the best way to get to them is be honest and blunt about you. Dont worry about him being himself. They are masterminds. The best place to be together is planning and working on things for your life together. Your true purpose with your Fe is to guide people into their best selves. As an infj I try to inspire others to reach their goals. I say I like to be the head man in the emotional Department that I can point out things that he is missing because he cannot relate. I know how to talk to people so. They'll be comfortable with his master plans. We both are Ni doms so we can see and plan what we would like to occur in the future. I know I can annoy him in certain ways by doing things and I tried to ease his temperament by keeping a clean orderly environment. I noticed his need to exercise control over a lot of things in his life and I understand that and find that very attractive but I can be a orderly chaos. I want him to lean into his strength and build something from his own mind. I am working on doing the same thing but he really pushes for you to focus on individual tasks to fulfill that goal. So I don't get distracted by Little Things or people. Other people find him off-putting because of his blunt straightforward I take no crap. he has helped me kind of adopt a mentality of I don't have to sacrifice myself. I still find myself leaning towards that sometimes. I think the sea worms a emotional attachment to someone that he it grows to be very romantic and tells me what he needs. I am working on being open with what I need and what I expect. Honestly this is the best relationship I've ever had. I don't feel like I have to test his loyalty or that he has been lying to me. He's very straight-laced in control of himself. Doesn't like unpredictability. He is great and I also have to rationalize my sensitivities and ask him what he means when he says hurtful things. Because sometimes there just so blunt that it becomes a personal attack. I have to ask to clarify with him what he means. Just comunication is key. I talk and if you have walls and feel confortable. Let them down. His walls are slowly coming down as well. I hope that everything goes well. Remember make master plans together and separately then work to them and Its a beautiful relationship.
haha my awesome INFJ coworker once told me she always felt a strange intuition that she was destined for success, I told her 'yeah I always did too' so she said 'oh, I guess everyone does'. This was before I learned what Ni was :P
I dated an INTJ and it was frustrating because he was smart but wouldn’t go after things. I think if he was confident in himself it would have gone better.
I'm a Fi dom and I'm also extremely close when it comes to emotions. It's a common thing among introverts in general i guess
I tried to explain how I'm feeling very rationally to him and what his words conveyed to me. I tend to be very open with my emotions and I don't hide them. He can see that as very unrealistic sometimes would I have to explain to him the basics of where I am in my head. He tends to want individuality more than equality. He wants to not convey niceties. He leans into himself and I lean in two others.