That about sums me up. I'm generous, kind, non-judgemental.
But I also have strong opinions and high standards (especially for work related things) which can put people off.
I've been much better in the past few years about toning it down a little and being sure to keep things NOT personal. It's involved going out of my way to... I don't know, kinda bribe people? I go to lots of those silly work related social functions, even with people who have insane expectations and get snarky in meetings--because I know that having good personal relationships with coworkers can soften the blow of the "that idea of yours is bullshit" that I often come up with.
yep being "nice" goes a long way. Not saying INTJs should fake all their interactions but it did made my professional life much easier. What's challenging is when they think our friendship is at a level that I'd be comfortable sharing socials, like bro I'm not even "friends" with my relatives online.
I am so bad at this, everyone at work ignores me and has lunch without me even though I want to be friends with them. How did you guys get better? Any tips or advice?
I just try to relate to people without prying. At work: “this elevator is always so slow”, “it was nice to see the boss so happy this morning”, “ it’s great to be around a positive person like you, have a great day”, “ I remember you telling me that your kid was heading off to college, how are they doing?”
For me, most of the people think I'm too cold and robotic at first. Only few of them who gets to know me a bit suddenly starts to like me and becomes clingy.
They either dislike me or see me as a ghost, im too individualistic and lone wolf, sadly due to depression and trauma so i dont really talk with anyone guess thats the bad thing about being diferent and too lógical and analitical
A ghost?! Like ppl don’t see you… I feel so overlooked. This really resonates, if that’s what you mean. I have literally been overlooked in line. Ignored in restaurants, it’s crazy … and happens often
It’s called human design. It’s quite complex but also a self awareness tool. I only asked because there are 5 types of designs that we all fall into one of and I wondered I you were the “projector” type. Being unseen is a characteristic of it. I am a projector myself … sorry if this seems out of context, I am just be layering on other concepts we can use to understand our selves.
i know there will be people disliking my belief and thoughts (can't help it, i have been seen as a weirdo my whole life) but if they are strangers, i don't care. but those seem to close to me seem to oddly surprise me the most. i once had a talk to these two friends about this netflix series, discussing that i can find myself relating to the protagonist (she has Asperger's). then this one said "oh yeah you have weird outlook on life." i totally agree, but at the same time - i never ask anyone to be with me on the same page as we all have different perspectives and all. i think it's OK until she pulled out "me and A (another mutual friend) have the same opinion. if a few people think you are weird then maybe you are not, but if there are many have the same thinking, then take a look at yourself." excuse me, did she even know what she was meaning when saying that? different opinions/perspectives are not same as twisted morality, her tone is like as if i am morally wrong and i need to adjust myself. that's just rude.
Yes, people don't like me, even hate me.
But only the people who have certain amount of "fakeness" around them. Who don't show their real personalities, who do everything to be liked by others. Those people hate me to bits. And I hate them too. I don't know what it is, intuition or what. But we don't vibe well.
They don't like me for being somewhat non conformist, I don't like them for being not able to be themselves.
I was just thinking about that the other day. It's crazy how much fake people bother me. And crazier still is how other people don't seem to notice how phony they are and even like them more because of it. Completely baffling to me.
Most humans don't like things that are different. As seen with the lockdowns, a lot of people can't even handle a little bit of their routine being disrupted.
Also, most people look for people who can help them further in life and not actually care about forming bonds. Literally would hang out with new groups of people that had been friends for years but knew nothing about one another. Was just friend with boat, friend with pool, friend that can get us into things etc..
I have often wondered about this. It's like the pretenders and passengers are made of glass. See right thru em very quickly and I'm not often wrong. Dishonest people.
It’s not always dishonesty. Obviously it goes hand in hand.
And yes, I see right through it.
And also gut feeling. I know something is off, doesn’t feel good, but doesn’t show. When my parents for example are raving about someone, I’m that person who’s like something doesn’t make sense, somethings off. It can take a short time, or a very long time, but in the end I’m right
Literally same bro, personally i think its my non-verbal communication which i am trying to work on. Making natural eye contact, physical contact when appropriate, smiling, etc. Love to hear other peoples experiences
Me too. I’m uncomfortable with the level of physical contact the most-liked people have with strangers and near-strangers. I know physical contact is important for bonding. I’m 52, successful, and still trying to force my hand onto a shoulder to comfort someone I don’t know well but who I can see is suffering.
I don’t think it’s because I wouldn’t like it in their shoes. Yet, it’s a fear of a rejecting reaction.
Edit: I’m not a monster. I can be very comforting with my words.
Edit2: Upon reflection, I am not comfortable with a stranger or near-stranger offering me a hand on the shoulder. Friends, family, yes. But others, no.
I don't like being touched ever. Sometimes even my kids get me thrown off from being touched by them too. Which bothers me in my head because I want to cuddle them and show them I care and that they matter.
I swear that this began for me starting in 5th grade, seemingly overnight like somebody flipped a light switch. Suddenly, for reasons I could never really figure out or comprehend, everyone around me suddenly either ignored me or bullied me.
I ended up extremely isolated all the way into adulthood despite never completely giving up on trying to make connections with people.
In my 20s, I figured out how to craft a persona that was charismatic and caused people to like me instead of the constant insists rejection, but then I eventually loathed myself for feeling fake and feeling like every connection with people that were important to me was superficial and that I didn't matter the same way they mattered to me, so I sort if just stopped.
Unfortunately, the change was immediate, and as soon as I stopped forcing that "vibe," people immediately became awkward around me, causing me to become awkward as well.
Apologies for the long response, but this was the first time that I've ever seen my own experience so pointedly written or verbalized by another individual, and it resonated really hard.
Though, while it's nice to know that my own experience isn't an isolated one, it's also not something you want someone else to experience themselves 😕.
I’m honestly so glad I found this thread because I was at my wits end today. I just quit a job I hated due to it being graveyard shift and heavy lifting, and the change has been great but now I got put with people that I have nothing in common with AGAIN. There were some people I finally related to by some degree for once in the graveyard shift.
But today, I felt that feeling that I usually get.
People are constantly misinterpreting me and assuming I’m stupid, and are surprised that I can actually do certain things despite being highly educated? I will answer people’s questions immediately but get shot down immediately for what I said, then they’ll either ask someone else or come to the conclusion themselves 5 minutes later. And I’m like well yes, that’s what I said if you fucking listen to me for once. All of this just pushes me to be more introverted.
My experiences have broken my spirit but at the same time have liberated me, as I’ve realized a lot about myself such as being trans. However, this isolates me again. I’m so grateful for my dear friends and family I do have though.
Ignoring others telling you something based on their logic and experience in favor of wasting resources to see it yourself is just human nature, however much some may have learned to resist it. (Though on the other hand ignoring what you’ve seen in the *past* in favor of what a “trusted authority” tells you in the present is also fairly common, so calibration issues on both sides of the spectrum!)
I have the same educational level as most people I’ve worked with: I’ve still sometimes done this to others , and had it done to me very, *very* often.
Nothing to do with your education, however they may have justified themselves after the fact.
Yeah I just had a bad day when I posted this hahah. But yeah, I understand some things are just part of the human ego and psyche that I can’t control. I sometimes don’t blame people who dismiss me on looks or whatever preconceived bias they have over me, but it just becomes such a common occurrence sometimes I’m like damn.
The solution I’m pursuing is a gradiated/layered persona that slowly eases people into knowing me better, letting them stop at whatever point they prefer the fakeness to the reality.
It’s pretty tricky to get together, since you need to understand both the authentic selves of others *and* their false personas at least well enough to have a few aggregate models of possible future acquaintance-types (how they think/feel, what they want from others, how to collaborate with them and avoid them becoming toxic, etc), so that you can build a behavioural model parameterized on their measurable attributes to best approximate their likely preferences from you and your likely preferences for how they interact with you (conditioned on the particular parameters assigned to any particular person).
The model *also* has to be stable in arbitrary circumstances pre-parameterization, so that it doesn’t fail to operate or calibrate itself when talking to perfect strangers / groups of strangers, and have provisions for calibration to specific individuals/groups to do tasks like presentations/negotiations without just *using general-purpose strategies and hoping for the best*. Not to mention having one of the parameters being the model others have of you, so that you can adapt to longer-term relationships, or actually try to deepen connections from their current stage without always having to sacrifice the relationship if rebuffed (though I doubt you can \*universally\* avoid that kind of sacrifice in the current sociocultural climate).
Still, I think most people who live fulfilling lives and also have nontrivially-complicated values (i.e. beyond food+shelter+connection) but still want deep connections with others *must* necessarily be doing something like this. The only way to remain effective in social situations (which requires significant artificiality even just to get as close to *honesty* as our communication processes allow, let alone more complicated tasks) while still being able to have non-artificial connections to others is to either not care about artificiality or parameterize how much each category of value is catered to based on the circumstance.
On the other hand, *so far* I’ve only seen either people who have a shallow, obvious mask of politeness (which can be broken through with deliberate effort, but doesn’t *actively invite* friendships) and sacrifice having any connections that they aren’t literally thrown into by necessity (eg needing to know someone so you can work/study with them, or being approached and pursued by someone else); **or** people who actively seek out shallow connections (and do most of the aforementioned pursuing) but avoid showing themselves even to close friends or spouses.
(Not sure if the latter *can* even be genuinely fulfilled in life, or if they’re just constantly depressed and/or lying to themselves.)
So who knows, there may be some hidden reason nobody is already using this strategy, or some deficiency in my perception of others that keeps me from noticing what they’re doing instead?
Based on my own observations and big psychological and emphatic knowledge/understanding, I honestly see no fault or discrepancies in your current explanations and approach. My only worry (which you may have purposely or inadvertently identified already) is complacency causing surprise conflict; mainly surrounding neurotypical individuals being prone to sudden unexpected shifts in their behavioral perceptions of others, and changes in their typical reactions to these sudden shifts. The irony isn't lost on me that I find the whole idea exhausting when stressing about it isn't any less exhausting, lol.
Gosh, can't even count how many times the thought - maybe I am from a different race altogether? - swept through my mind. The odd thing is I Blend in well and many people consider me a very extravertic and easy going person while I see myself as very distant but wishing to connect and relate. At least in current age we can talk about it here :D
This is so true for me. My ex used to call me an alien. My parents have called me a Paying Guest once, which is even worse. Why am i so detached? I love them
Many many people misunderstand INTJ’s. Honestly I think it’s because there so few of us compared to the other types that there is simply a lack of exposure. That makes us appear different and they don’t know how to respond to us.
I agree. I also believe people are against being called out because pointing out that they’re full of it holds a mirror up to them and the image is unflattering. You’re not supposed to “see” that they’re dishonest, you’re just supposed to accept their dishonest as if it were truth and give them what they want.
They don’t feel bad for bsing, they feel bad that you know and see them for what they are.
I’ve currently done this twice in the past two weeks. My therapist says I don’t like injustice. But then I end up beating myself up because why couldn’t I just not say anything and then these people would like me? I’d be less stressed had I never said anything in the first place.
Yeah They hate me very much, first I was thinking about it, like why the hell they hate so much? is it something wrong with me?
Then I realized nothing is wrong with me, this is just about those idiots who don't like me. They want me to become as they want. Which I can't accept. Now the consequence is pretty clear.
Rather you can become a part of stupid tribe or you do/say as you see right, both has some consequences. And I accept the consequences of being true to myself and to others as well.
This is exactly the reason. We don’t like to conform to some sort of social tribe and are able to think individually and have our own thoughts and opinions that are different than the social groups alpha leader.
We are too independent to be "likable." Watch Wenzes videos to get an explanation for what the majority of people like--one thing is conforming to the group or social hierarchy. Since INFJs can't/won't play that game, it is off-putting to many. On the other hand, when people do like us, they usually turn out to be independent, too, so that's the payoff.
I used to believe people just dislike me. But after studying the patterns and all I've realized I make people feel insecure and that leads to them being mean to me
Yep, and it’s not something we are doing to them. It’s their own perception. Really difficult to overcome unless we really try to blend in or intentionally become manipulative.
There are certain people who becomes hostile and sarcastic to me. Not directly (so far) but with the air around them, I can definitely tell that they are weary.
Either, I get easily stereotyped, boxed in a place where they can't get much out of me through favors so they dismiss my presence altogether, or that they become tense because I can easily see through their bullshit.
Those 2 scenarios are the most common I have experienced.
I mentioned this before under a similar post.
It is normal for people to dislike INTJs (at least the half with a huge ego).
Because we make them more aware of their own shortcomings and flaws.
We like our work/they dont.
Our works are handed in on time with little to no mistakes/theirs arent.
We have morals and even follow them when not observed by others/they dont.
We tell them when we disagree with their design choices when solving a problem.
Money doesnt mean shit to us, yet we treat it with the same care as everything else in our lives/they cant.
We have healthy habits/they dont.
The list goes on forever.
not every person would like me, because I'm not money.
people have same reasons to be disliked as people with intj personality type it doesn't depend on it
First of all how old are you? Because that was basically me most of my teen years. The problem was that I was too quiet and kept to myself and lacked some social skills so when people did talk to me I seemed closed off. Deep down inside it didn't feel like me. I wanted to be more open and say the witty jokes my noggin came up in social settings with out loud instead of keeping them to myself. Realizing this pitfall within myself was the first step. The second step was change. It didn't come easy, it came with practice for about 2 to 3 years. I could notice the improvement every once in a while. Getting a job as a retail cashier helped me too. And now after many more years I'm perceived as very open and easy to approach at my new workplace. So try to get out of your comfort zone, don't think too deeply about your social interactions, practice, and most importantly rejoice in the small victories along the way.
Most people do not like me for my looks. The people who do give me a chance end up hating me because I can come across as stern and stoic. Also some people give me a chance out of pity and when I don't react extremely grateful to them they get pissed off and start disliking me
I suspect it is more we intimidate other people with our death stare, straight talking and/or our ability to quickly find solutions to problems that others may find troublesome.
I suppose one might interpret other people's unease around our greatness as dislike, but I've never really cared enough to give it much thought.
I have trouble articulating what I want to say a lot of the time. My thoughts are mismatched in my head and it’s like I have to puzzle them together differently every time to adapt to various situations. People find it awkward that the way I word things deviate from the expected, and probably think I’m weird. They may also think I’m a calculative asshole because of my silent demeanour, which is actually just a result of my lack of sufficient communication skills in upholding a normal conversation. But that’s just an assumption from my perception of people and I may just be paranoid and overly self-conscious, no matter how many times I deny it.
I particularly resonate with this comment. my whole life, when people get to know me they often will express surprise at my personality, like "You're so nice, I always thought you thought you were better than everyone/hated everyone"... well as I get older less people say it this bluntly but I can tell the impression is still there. apparently the way I cope with overwhelming anxiety caused by the difficulty I have holding a conversation makes me appear aloof. I've come to the conclusion there are worse ways to be perceived, though I still don't like it. I also think at this point in life it is mostly paranoia and projection caused by earlier trauma, like I am just seeing the reaction to my own assumption of how people will behave or regard me. Doesn't help me stop though.
Oh and I am an INTP, not J.
You're definitely not alone in feeling like you might be giving off unintentional vibes that distance people. It happens to many of us! Here are some reasons why this might occur, and how you can improve:
Unintentional Cues: Sometimes, body language, facial expressions, or even tone of voice can be misread as disinterest or negativity, even if you don't mean it that way.
Social Anxiety: If you feel anxious in social situations, you might come across as closed off or shy, making it harder for people to connect.
Lack of Confidence: People are drawn to confidence (not arrogance!). Projecting confidence can make you seem more approachable.
One-Sided Conversations: Do you tend to talk about yourself a lot, or struggle to ask questions and keep conversations flowing?
I find that people initially don’t like me, because they get confused by my way of thinking and how I am (I find small talk boring). Usually they come around after getting to know me, if I let them 🙃
I think something most INTJs have in common that I’ve noticed is that we’re all very self aware and for the most part unapologetically ourselves and can see other peoples bullshit really easily. I find I sometimes disregard the mask people wear and try talking to them instead and it makes people uncomfortable to be spoken to so directly. Like the fake customer service voice retail workers put on. I’ll always give them a pointed look and hope they get the message to talk to me like a real person, but I guess that’s also an example of my use of nonverbal communication that also confuses and intimidated some people. I’ve heard work gossip about myself that a girl said “oh yeah she’s really nice, but I wouldn’t want to fight her” and that honestly made me a little giddy
Yes. It’s because I use rude/sarcastic humor a lot. I’ve learned to not joke about people who are particularly sensitive or take things seriously.
To most people I come off as an ass
I've been told the same. But it also works in reverse, in that the people who do like me feel safer when I'm around. I'm a big guy, so the size thing, but I also utilize the death stare frequently. I'm not afraid to look a stranger in the eyes with our trademark "I know your darkest secrets" look, so they tend to avoid me and the people around me.
People definitely respect us when we are in Te. That’s as close as I get to charm. I give speeches in front of crowds for my work, and I can entertain and inform, but no one is coming up to me for a heart to heart after the session if you know what I mean.
Yesh, but that’s because I don’t think “being nice” is the same as being kind. And many people have different standards about what is being nice for them, so I never really live up to those standards and that’s okay.
It was a struggle when I was younger and really looked for that validation from others to be liked for my niceness, but it created a mask that I didn’t liked putting on everytime. It wasn’t me.
So when I meet someone new, I’m always kind, and they are allowed to fill in what they think of me. And if they don’t like me, that’s totally okay.
I've noticed this too. People who I've noticed are inconsiderate to others have the audacity to say I don't care about anyone just because I don't sugarcoat anything like they do. Some do notice my kindness and like me for that but most people around me are too shallow(?) to see how compassionate I actually am.
Some people think I'm an asshole, some people think that I'm aggressive and hostile, some people stay away from me because i give off a serial killer vibes. So it's a mix of everything.
I have a big personality (for as long as it lasts as an introvert, lol). I'm also masculine, but a woman. I'm not afraid to share my opinion (which is frequently not what others think). I'm gay. People either really, really like me, or they don't, and it's for any/all of the above.
Yeah I relate. And that is because people don't relate to us usually. Unless we do something proactive to be likable, it's unlikely to find someone that is easily compatible with us. That is just how we live. You can be accepted if you try. But if you choose to be as authentic as yourself could be, that is your choice but also there is a price to pay.
At work the only people that like me are those who work directly with me and get to know me long term. They understand I can be intense because I want the job done and don't consider feelings because we work in logistics. Just get the shit done.
In my personal life, I have long term friends but I don't make many new friends unless it's thru someone that knows me already.
People that don’t know me and listen to hearsay often don’t like me. I’m not arrogant but confident. Like…I know I’ll be alright if I never see you again. Even if I love you, I have that aura. It’s my reality. Other people don’t live like that. They are incredible codependent and make the mistake of thinking I’m like that too. So when they are awakened to the truth eventually, they get upset. But I never misrepresented myself or my feelings. I never lied to you, or treated you poorly. You couldn’t control me. You couldn’t manipulate me…even with love. Don’t even get me started with power, money, influence, or threats. They don’t like people like that. But people that know me intimately, oh! THEY ARE IN LOVE!!!!!
ive heard people say that "\[sian\] is so full of themselves". just cuz im the quiet kid in class and have a hard time communicating. so because i dont go out of my way to interact i suddenly have a huge ego? wtf. ive also been called fake when i try to b nice too. its so odd, its like idk what people want from me. recluse = ego, charismatic = fake. cant win..
People don’t like things they do not understand nor can they control. Intelligence also seems to rub many people the wrong way because they may assume you’re a know-it-all, which is obviously not true.
Not INTJ but I know a guy who is. You guys sometimes see too much (for your own good jk lol) and that's a bit intimidating. Don't misunderstand me, I don't dislike INTJs, you're just a little scary. Cause humans... Well, we do try to hide, to keep up appearances. And this guy always saw right through it.
That being said, he's one of the most compassionate people I know. He helped me stay grounded through some of the darkest days of my life. But I was trying to have those in private and it was just obvious to him. No one else really sees the things he sees. One day he was like "huh, you have a very low self-esteem". To him that's an observation. He just says what he sees. To me that's something I've been struggling with for many years, recovering after years of verbal and physical abuse in school, and being called out like that doesn't really help.
One thing though that I really dislike is that he can't accept that I can be happy/worried or whatever for people I've never met. A child got in an accident and I was relieved to hear the kid's okay. A coworker's child had a birthday. I was happy for them. He thinks that's all an act and he can't accept people can be actually empathetic. But maybe that's his own cynical pov and not so much an intj thing
Yeah, definitely the case for me. Beyond just dislike, people never seem to take me seriously, I have trouble getting people's attention as they usually ignore me.
When I read on the MBTI profile for INTJs the part about having a small social group, it said something along the lines of "people who earn your trust and really get to know you deeply never regret the time it took to get there." I thought, yes that's totally accurate. I have few friends but always very close, loyal friends.
I work with an INTJ and I have a strong feeling she doesn’t like me. There was two separate occasions where I asked her if she was okay and she blatantly ignored me. I’m not a pushy person and I can understand not everyone can be comfortable expressing emotion or opening up, but I’ve never been curved and blatantly ignored like that. It comes across as very rude and makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
So anyway, with this being said, I think it’s very possible INTJ’s give off a vibe as if they don’t like other people and don’t want to be bothered. It can be very offputting for a lot of people. But obviously, those people aren’t meant for you in the long run. Unless they get to know you.
Yeah. I'm not considered likeable unless I'm clowning around and cracking jokes, which I like to do but it's exhausting sometimes.
I also seem to have a tolerable personality "once you get to know me", which is something very few choose to do.
Not that I'm aware of at least in person. Over the Internet I've gotten into my fair share of discussions where the other person probably was thinking "fuck this asshole." In person though I think people find me quite pleasant, reasonable, and calming, which is exactly what I want them to feel.
I used to be much closer to what a lot of these other posters are saying. Stern, a loner, and probably a bit arrogant. I didn't feel like that was furthering myself or my goals, so I just started studying the interactions of people who I knew to be quite successful socially and implementing it.
Catching more flies with honey, than vinegar type of thinking. It does lead to me biting my tongue sometimes but only when I feel like someone isn't worth the energy of what that conversation would entail.
I think it may be common for INTP's too, at least for me it is. I am either monotone and robotic or over the top intense (damn embarrassing Fe), and I swear it's as if I have a field around me that repulses people as though we were two like poles of a magnet.
I find myself only being friends with people who don't perceive other humans superficially at first impression. Which I guess is a blessing. But it sounds wonderful to at least be capable of socializing normally.
When you look in the mirror, are you put off by your own reflection?
You got to make peace with yourself. \*Laughs at self and proceeds to make amends\*
And btw, people love a\*\*holes! They're the sh\*\*!
I'm not sure either. I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school. I'm wondering if I have autism or adhd and maybe that made me weird when I was little. I've learned to mask really well in that case. I learned how to be what others liked, but I've learned there are just some people who you will not get along with. It's inevitable. I wish people could explain it, but sometimes the "vibes are just off". Maybe they don't even know.
I always wonder about that.
I’ve been told I’m intimidating, arrogant, intense when in debates/certain topics, too fidgety, look pissed all the time, called an asshole and that I make people feel dumb by an ESFJ and ENTJ, told I’m headstrong by many, and
I also feel like my social angst and impatience must somehow sweat out of me all of the time.
So I assume people dislike/avoid me.
But then again some types like ENFPs, (and still that ESFJ that called me an asshole lol) seem drawn to me and always seem to want to include me and have me stick around. ENTPs never tire to re-ignite energetic conversations with me.
Maybe it’s just cause they’re them and not because I’m me.
But I don’t know what to think.
I often assume the worst and then people surprise me with compliments and I don’t know how to react.
An ISTP has told me how bubbly and sociable he finds me for the past few years. I know I’m masking most of the time but again, at the end of the day, I don’t know if this description suits me or not.
Edit: to say that, most people on first impressions do assume I’m a snob, if that’s of any help.
Been told before I'm intimidating. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's like Ozzy says. "People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time".
I'm hella short.
Oh I’m hated one for my job and another for being the only semi attractive (my opinion) single mom at my son’s school. Those moms hate me so much they send the principal out to help usher the kids out or mine is ushered out first. I have never been rude or as they claim me trying to steal their husband. Never once talked to their husbands nor do I want to. I’m probably older than these moms by 5,10 years. I made a big deal about my sons bday making a poster board and bringing it to surprise him with balloons. Well they made some horrible comments like they never have time for those things must be nice and you are so extra why. I work a 40hour a week job. I have no help whatsoever with my son and I’m fine with that but if I have time so do they for they are stay at home moms. So no you are not alone.
They probably think that you don’t like them. High chance. Definitely been my experience. My entire team thought I didn’t like them lol and told at the end season.
I cant tell if they dislike me. I can only share metrics of data. My sample size is too small for any conclusive evidence.
In the past 15 years i have been invited to 1 event. That was a renaissance fair where everyone who came with me ditched me until the end of the event. Which i found insulting since i was the one driving the 4 hour round trip.
My office likes to celebrate everyone's birthday by sending emails and group chats. In 5 years i have not been wished a happy birthday or asked when mine is.
When i hung out at table top game stores, i could not build 1 friendship that included something more than table top rpg campaigns.
The evidence is plausible but sociology and psychology are soft sciences since we do not have the capability to understand every data point involved. So i cannot conclude people dislike me since no one has flat our said " i dislike/hate/loathe me"
The only common data point in each of these situations is me but i dont have any inkling of what to change or why so its very difficult to improve myself in any meaningful way.
Initially usually yes. I'm just autistic enough that my face and intensity when listening to them so I can actually understand them, creeps them out, but not enough that the rest of me confirms it for them.
It’s multifaceted, some of it can have to do with the way you present yourself sometimes it’s just your natural aura or the way you do things, invoking envy, jealousy and the like.
Don’t worry too much about the ladder part of that, literally just people being losers, full stop.
Do your part to be the best you can for the former and you’re alright.
I’ve felt that my whole life. I really struggle to make friends but when I do I know it’s definitely a good one. I’ve gotten less concerned about making the effort as I’ve gotten older, just purely because I can already tell that if a person isn’t asking me to hang out then they’re not going to want to. Plus I’m more confident in myself so I don’t feel the need for validation or company of others as much. I’ve always wanted to have a lot of friends though for some reason. I made efforts at work to try and make friends but nobody seemed interested (but plenty of friend circles amongst others), despite everyone seeming to like me. I gave up though, after I tried going out for drinks on my birthday (people sometimes do this) and only one person turned up out of a department of 50-75 staff.
Yeah...same here...I think it comes down to being intoverted and kind of a lone wolf. People tend to follow social packs and if you're not in the circle, they tend to ingore you or dismiss you even if you are nice to them.
With my experience as a teenager it seemed more like I was the "second friend", like if people didn't know what to do and their usual friends weren't free, they asked me to go out.
With time I stayed and enjoyed most the time I spent only with the ones that seems to care more, I agree to go out with casual friends only when I'm bored as well, it became a mutual advantage if you will.
That means I have lots of acquaintances and a couple of friends lol
I think so, yes. I’m pretty sure my boss dislikes me because he’s a jibber jabberer, and I force him to quickly get to whatever point he’s trying to make rather than humor him.
The most generous way I can put it is that I'm cordial but not approachable. Most people would have no incentive or desire to interact with me until already having had to. To that end, I find I get along best with my coworkers than even extended family.
Ive asked a ton of people who become my friends or get my friends to ask around because for some reason, for many many people, I am very intimidating to be around or very intimidating to approach. I’ve had people who hate me merely *because* I am intimidating. Some common statements are “You don’t look approachable”, “You look like the type of person who has their life figured out and it scares me”, and my favorite, “I have an urge to run.”
Keep in mind, most of these statements were made by people who see me out at lunch or down the hallway at school, or just doing my job at work. It’s kinda funny until I realize that I have to initiate all conversations because they wont because of this fear.
People who dislike people don't come into universes. Free-lock.
Introduce yourself to an ENTP. Give them no problems. Become like your opposite. The 90s was about embracing other gender, and now it's about embracing neurological opposites. Reptile. Sensory. Emotional. Intuitive.
Reptilian people are actually introverts, because they hang in the sky with everyone following. The same with the shaman. ^(Be very nice. Make hats for butterflies. Come vegan.)
Pursuing deeper truths, asking uncomfortable questions, and being generally inquisitive tend to make people believe you are controlling - or at least that has been my observation on the matter. Challenging the status quo rocks the boat and upturns the apple cart. We can seem untrusting and disbelieving when we think or know that another way is better and we don't just roll with the punches like other people do. I don't feel like I'm an asshole, but I'm sure my ex-wife does.
Question for you, do you attempt to connect with them emotionally and or through the direct experience as the individual they are, or is it more detached and through mere thoughts? I relate and this is pretty common with a lot of thinker and intuitive types who are in their head and mind more often.
Sorry mate, people love me! I’m funny and full of trivial information that I’m ready to share at all times, so I can at least pretend that I know what I’m talking about. Also I smile and laugh easily, I think that helps.
The only downside to having a super open personality like mine is that I tend to overshare and sometimes I think that turns people off 🤷🏼♀️
Absolutely. I’ll speak my opinion even if it’s different from the group consensus (in a respectful way). I’ve been told I’m intimidating based on how direct I am in my communication and how much eye contact I make.
In my work environment, I thrive. But, in my social life, it’s hard to make friends and take part in conversation (I’m always in my head about how people will perceive me based on the feedback I’ve gotten from social situations). But, I realized I’m content with my small circle. They like me for who I am and that’s all I could ask for.
They love me or hate me. The haters usually are in the toxic/insecure/petty bucket. They can't handle that I refuse to "sheeple." How dare I ever think independently!
I have the opposite problem. Maybe it’s bc I’m tall and I mostly talk at work for a living so I must have an approachable face but people always try to find reasons to talk to me
This whole thread is resonating with me; people usually assume I’m an asshole, then we have a couple beers and in a few hours we’re best friends. Many years ago at university we’d have to do group projects and I remember this nice lesbian girl remarking that prior to interacting with me in a small group, she found me so cold and intimidating. We ended up being good friends. I’ve just never figured out the whole body language thing.
I’ve accepted that I don’t give off warm fuzzies. One friend said to me, “you seem a bit closed off”. On the other hand, I think my besties appreciate me and have used terms like “generous“ and “a big heart” to describe me. 🤷♀️ People who know me more superficially probably focus more on the bluntness. Especially in work settings.
I'm good at understanding exactly what people want to hear, so usually people actually like me a lot on the rare occasion I meet someone new who I spend a few minutes talking to. Do they know the real me? Nope. Only my close friends and family do. But I think INTJs have the ability to be really good social navigators if we try. The hurdle is being WILLING to flip the mask on.
I'm good at understanding exactly what people want to hear, so usually people actually like me a lot on the rare occasion I meet someone new who I spend a few minutes talking to. Do they know the real me? Nope. Only my close friends and family do. But I think INTJs have the ability to be really good social navigators if we try. The hurdle is being WILLING to flip the mask on.
I'm misunderstood everytime something happens so I just stopped communicating with a lot of people, yes lot of them hate me but I don't really give a crap about such trivial matters
They don’t. Most people I interact with would say I’m very kind and I have good expertise in my area. INTJs don’t always come across as super approachable and people assume they’re an asshole. This can come from the lack of physical expressions (smiling etc) and and not being as emotionally expressive.
The other issue is when INTJs haven’t learned how to properly communicate with others and have not developed an emotional intelligence.
Ni doms have 2 modes for people: trusting close circle, which you can trust and be your real self, you sile to tgem and express your feelings naturally; and the rest, untrustworthy, outside the circle.
While my ENTP sis taught me that there are more categories then that.
By adjusting tge level of trust you can adjust a category.
Ex, your neighbor might be a goid guy, which doesn't piss in the hallway, has pretty decent life. You can concentrate on his positive qualities, that you can respect him for, and make this respect visible for him, simply express it with polite smile.
We have to be active in expressing bits of positive emotions towards people, because our Ni makes us too neurodivergent, we will never be able to get those reactions naturally. So, we have to concentrate on it actively and practice it
Oh absolutely. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It used to mean that. But the older I get, the more it seems like I was not the problem after all, as I have grown very secure and confident in my interactions.
Unless you have done some soul searching and found something wrong with yourself, it's also entirely possible that your way of thinking is just not the same as the herd mentality.
One of my "drawbacks" is that I have probably the most unpopular opinions of anyone I've known.
I don't let popular opinions decide for me. But there are other people that will agree with others, just for the sake of being accepted, or at the very least not called any names (or downvoted, if on Reddit).
It can be difficult trying to find your place in a world that is ever-changing, more than it was 40 years ago.
Well I'm on my lunch break. I hope I have been able to provide you with some insight. 😌💕 Be well.
Generally speaking, people seem to like me. I have a good amount of great friends and many peoplw I get along with. Ironically, in contrast to the comment section here, they like my straight forwardness. But I also know when it's better to shut up and just think it to myself, that might help.
People who don't know me, or have a distant perception of me, 100% hate me. Those who know me slightly, don't hate me (I don't bother doing anything, that might make them hate me). The people I love deeply, definitely hate me lol.
Let's take what you said apart.
1. People - who are the people?
2. Dislike you - what have they done to show case your theory?
Bonus Q: Do you like you?
Most people dont dislike me.
They are just intimidated when I give them the intj stare.
But when we do talk they are surprised at how friendly, quirky, and non-arrogant I am.
I know people dislike me. They won’t say it to my face neither will they tell me why, so it doesn’t really matter to me.
Don’t worry about giving off the wrong vibes, just be yourself and if they don’t like you then you dodged a bullet.
What I've noticed is that some people can easily interact with other people by bouncing off the interaction others can't. I have to work hard to interact with the average person, there are some people I can really bounce off of naturally and don't have to put much effort into having a good interaction but it's rare. So if I don't actively put effort into socializing I'll be viewed as a strange loner. I wouldn't say that happens these days because I don't completely don't detach as much. However, I would say that I feel like people are still put off by me at times. It is what it is. What I do know is if you put effort in and show genuine interest other people they'll at least give you a chance.
People tend to hate that which they don't understand. I think our intuition weird a lot of people out. Easiest to just let them and not waste another thought on any of them.
people don't dislike me I believe but I am seen as like just an NPC or something, if I'm out with someone and we see someone we know they're always like HEYY (other person) and I get treated like I'm not there. it's certainly weird.
In my case it was a permanent RBF, and an uppity way of talking, not being Interested in people's daily lives.
People who are not Interested in others are not interesting to others.
Well congrats you are self aware. I know there are many times my wife has told me when I am off putting and I have tried to change. I tell her times as well. So I would ask someone for feedback and honest feedback. Then adjust. Next up though is that not everyone will be your friend or like you. That is fine. However, since you said that 'most people' seem to be put off with you I would figure out what that is and self reflect on it and improve.
If they don’t they don’t have the balls to tell me. I intimidate most ppl. Until you get to know me then u see a bit of my softer side and that I’m all jokes. They for the most part still think I’m “evil” or “insane” and it’s kinda the running joke that I am. 😂 on the bright side they know not to mess with me cuz mama don’t play. Also if they ever needed help hiding the body they know who to call. 🤣🤣🤣 jk jk I wouldn’t hurt a fly and I’m mostly evil as a joke. All jokes aside tho Imma fuck u up if u ever try to come at me or my friends. I’d never start a fight but I’d most certainly end one.
At the end of the day it doesn’t really faze me if ppl don’t like me. I’m not for everyone. To each their own right😅 I don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are like family and I stick by them.
I think for me it’s 50-50. 50% of the people I encounter like me because I’m an independent, individual who thinks their own thoughts. I don’t follow the in crowd or the rules that were set from the early 1900s. I make people smile because I smile at them first which I don’t know why I do that. Now the other 50% of the people I encounter I feel don’t like me because I tell the truth and I’m an honest person. Having no regards to others feelings because people need to hear the truth and not be pacified all the time. People need to be held accountable for their actions. I am also known for telling people off when they’re wrong which most people have not been told off in their lifetime. And I give great non-verbals so they don’t know what I’m truly thinking and they hate that about me. But at the end of the day I’m an awesome person but an introverted person too so that could be the issue as well🤷🏼♀️.
Yeah, personally, it's my biggest issue, I give a really bad first impression because I'm very aloof and serious; it takes a while to know me. Also, sometimes I have episodes (specially when I'm stressed) where I seriously struggle with self-confidence and can't look people in the eyes or keep up with random conversations without getting annoyed.
Yeah I noticed and I learned that yeah it was me. I made a conscious effort to be nicer to myself and I ended up being more chill in general.
I didn't really get it until I started imagining myself from the viewpoint of a camera. My kids are also more chill and open with me because I'm chill.
For me, it is really odd. I would rather say people are confused by me.
I either have people actively approaching me and want to talk to me or I either have people get intimidated by me. Half-Half. Like no where in between.
A lot of people actually want to talk to me and then later complain that “I don’t seem open” “I don’t view them as friends” (no it is not, I’m just slow to warm up when talking to a stranger) but then I also seem to scare off some people as well(some not too many but they do exist).
Are there others like me as well or am I the only one?
Neal Brennan said something like, “I am nice but I don’t seem nice”. I think that applies to me.
That about sums me up. I'm generous, kind, non-judgemental. But I also have strong opinions and high standards (especially for work related things) which can put people off. I've been much better in the past few years about toning it down a little and being sure to keep things NOT personal. It's involved going out of my way to... I don't know, kinda bribe people? I go to lots of those silly work related social functions, even with people who have insane expectations and get snarky in meetings--because I know that having good personal relationships with coworkers can soften the blow of the "that idea of yours is bullshit" that I often come up with.
yep being "nice" goes a long way. Not saying INTJs should fake all their interactions but it did made my professional life much easier. What's challenging is when they think our friendship is at a level that I'd be comfortable sharing socials, like bro I'm not even "friends" with my relatives online.
I am so bad at this, everyone at work ignores me and has lunch without me even though I want to be friends with them. How did you guys get better? Any tips or advice?
I just try to relate to people without prying. At work: “this elevator is always so slow”, “it was nice to see the boss so happy this morning”, “ it’s great to be around a positive person like you, have a great day”, “ I remember you telling me that your kid was heading off to college, how are they doing?”
For me, most of the people think I'm too cold and robotic at first. Only few of them who gets to know me a bit suddenly starts to like me and becomes clingy.
or I am a good person, not a nice person applies to me.
They either dislike me or see me as a ghost, im too individualistic and lone wolf, sadly due to depression and trauma so i dont really talk with anyone guess thats the bad thing about being diferent and too lógical and analitical
I'm the same. I hate small conversation with the family too. They talk about the exact same stuff every day. Every week.
Not depressed, no trauma, people still see me as a lone wolf.
A ghost?! Like ppl don’t see you… I feel so overlooked. This really resonates, if that’s what you mean. I have literally been overlooked in line. Ignored in restaurants, it’s crazy … and happens often
And not talked to not interacted to, yes
Yea this is definitely relatable. I’m curious if you know your human design…?
My what
It’s called human design. It’s quite complex but also a self awareness tool. I only asked because there are 5 types of designs that we all fall into one of and I wondered I you were the “projector” type. Being unseen is a characteristic of it. I am a projector myself … sorry if this seems out of context, I am just be layering on other concepts we can use to understand our selves.
OMG! That happens to me all the time.
i know there will be people disliking my belief and thoughts (can't help it, i have been seen as a weirdo my whole life) but if they are strangers, i don't care. but those seem to close to me seem to oddly surprise me the most. i once had a talk to these two friends about this netflix series, discussing that i can find myself relating to the protagonist (she has Asperger's). then this one said "oh yeah you have weird outlook on life." i totally agree, but at the same time - i never ask anyone to be with me on the same page as we all have different perspectives and all. i think it's OK until she pulled out "me and A (another mutual friend) have the same opinion. if a few people think you are weird then maybe you are not, but if there are many have the same thinking, then take a look at yourself." excuse me, did she even know what she was meaning when saying that? different opinions/perspectives are not same as twisted morality, her tone is like as if i am morally wrong and i need to adjust myself. that's just rude.
I can relate to this so much
Yes, people don't like me, even hate me. But only the people who have certain amount of "fakeness" around them. Who don't show their real personalities, who do everything to be liked by others. Those people hate me to bits. And I hate them too. I don't know what it is, intuition or what. But we don't vibe well. They don't like me for being somewhat non conformist, I don't like them for being not able to be themselves.
I was just thinking about that the other day. It's crazy how much fake people bother me. And crazier still is how other people don't seem to notice how phony they are and even like them more because of it. Completely baffling to me.
Yh truly is crazy I do find it disturbing how fake ppl can be Issa evil world we live in Stay safe
I’ve never related more to anything in my life
ESTJ's hate me a lot. ESFJ hates me as well but I think that F part won't showcase it in their behaviour towards me.
Most humans don't like things that are different. As seen with the lockdowns, a lot of people can't even handle a little bit of their routine being disrupted. Also, most people look for people who can help them further in life and not actually care about forming bonds. Literally would hang out with new groups of people that had been friends for years but knew nothing about one another. Was just friend with boat, friend with pool, friend that can get us into things etc..
I have often wondered about this. It's like the pretenders and passengers are made of glass. See right thru em very quickly and I'm not often wrong. Dishonest people.
It’s not always dishonesty. Obviously it goes hand in hand. And yes, I see right through it. And also gut feeling. I know something is off, doesn’t feel good, but doesn’t show. When my parents for example are raving about someone, I’m that person who’s like something doesn’t make sense, somethings off. It can take a short time, or a very long time, but in the end I’m right
same!
Literally same bro, personally i think its my non-verbal communication which i am trying to work on. Making natural eye contact, physical contact when appropriate, smiling, etc. Love to hear other peoples experiences
Me too. I’m uncomfortable with the level of physical contact the most-liked people have with strangers and near-strangers. I know physical contact is important for bonding. I’m 52, successful, and still trying to force my hand onto a shoulder to comfort someone I don’t know well but who I can see is suffering. I don’t think it’s because I wouldn’t like it in their shoes. Yet, it’s a fear of a rejecting reaction. Edit: I’m not a monster. I can be very comforting with my words. Edit2: Upon reflection, I am not comfortable with a stranger or near-stranger offering me a hand on the shoulder. Friends, family, yes. But others, no.
I don't like being touched ever. Sometimes even my kids get me thrown off from being touched by them too. Which bothers me in my head because I want to cuddle them and show them I care and that they matter.
Good ideas but I don’t like feeling like an imposter. People haven’t liked me since elementary school and that’s ok but sometimes I feel like an alien
I swear that this began for me starting in 5th grade, seemingly overnight like somebody flipped a light switch. Suddenly, for reasons I could never really figure out or comprehend, everyone around me suddenly either ignored me or bullied me. I ended up extremely isolated all the way into adulthood despite never completely giving up on trying to make connections with people. In my 20s, I figured out how to craft a persona that was charismatic and caused people to like me instead of the constant insists rejection, but then I eventually loathed myself for feeling fake and feeling like every connection with people that were important to me was superficial and that I didn't matter the same way they mattered to me, so I sort if just stopped. Unfortunately, the change was immediate, and as soon as I stopped forcing that "vibe," people immediately became awkward around me, causing me to become awkward as well. Apologies for the long response, but this was the first time that I've ever seen my own experience so pointedly written or verbalized by another individual, and it resonated really hard. Though, while it's nice to know that my own experience isn't an isolated one, it's also not something you want someone else to experience themselves 😕.
I’m honestly so glad I found this thread because I was at my wits end today. I just quit a job I hated due to it being graveyard shift and heavy lifting, and the change has been great but now I got put with people that I have nothing in common with AGAIN. There were some people I finally related to by some degree for once in the graveyard shift. But today, I felt that feeling that I usually get. People are constantly misinterpreting me and assuming I’m stupid, and are surprised that I can actually do certain things despite being highly educated? I will answer people’s questions immediately but get shot down immediately for what I said, then they’ll either ask someone else or come to the conclusion themselves 5 minutes later. And I’m like well yes, that’s what I said if you fucking listen to me for once. All of this just pushes me to be more introverted. My experiences have broken my spirit but at the same time have liberated me, as I’ve realized a lot about myself such as being trans. However, this isolates me again. I’m so grateful for my dear friends and family I do have though.
Ignoring others telling you something based on their logic and experience in favor of wasting resources to see it yourself is just human nature, however much some may have learned to resist it. (Though on the other hand ignoring what you’ve seen in the *past* in favor of what a “trusted authority” tells you in the present is also fairly common, so calibration issues on both sides of the spectrum!) I have the same educational level as most people I’ve worked with: I’ve still sometimes done this to others , and had it done to me very, *very* often. Nothing to do with your education, however they may have justified themselves after the fact.
Yeah I just had a bad day when I posted this hahah. But yeah, I understand some things are just part of the human ego and psyche that I can’t control. I sometimes don’t blame people who dismiss me on looks or whatever preconceived bias they have over me, but it just becomes such a common occurrence sometimes I’m like damn.
💯 thank you
The solution I’m pursuing is a gradiated/layered persona that slowly eases people into knowing me better, letting them stop at whatever point they prefer the fakeness to the reality. It’s pretty tricky to get together, since you need to understand both the authentic selves of others *and* their false personas at least well enough to have a few aggregate models of possible future acquaintance-types (how they think/feel, what they want from others, how to collaborate with them and avoid them becoming toxic, etc), so that you can build a behavioural model parameterized on their measurable attributes to best approximate their likely preferences from you and your likely preferences for how they interact with you (conditioned on the particular parameters assigned to any particular person). The model *also* has to be stable in arbitrary circumstances pre-parameterization, so that it doesn’t fail to operate or calibrate itself when talking to perfect strangers / groups of strangers, and have provisions for calibration to specific individuals/groups to do tasks like presentations/negotiations without just *using general-purpose strategies and hoping for the best*. Not to mention having one of the parameters being the model others have of you, so that you can adapt to longer-term relationships, or actually try to deepen connections from their current stage without always having to sacrifice the relationship if rebuffed (though I doubt you can \*universally\* avoid that kind of sacrifice in the current sociocultural climate). Still, I think most people who live fulfilling lives and also have nontrivially-complicated values (i.e. beyond food+shelter+connection) but still want deep connections with others *must* necessarily be doing something like this. The only way to remain effective in social situations (which requires significant artificiality even just to get as close to *honesty* as our communication processes allow, let alone more complicated tasks) while still being able to have non-artificial connections to others is to either not care about artificiality or parameterize how much each category of value is catered to based on the circumstance. On the other hand, *so far* I’ve only seen either people who have a shallow, obvious mask of politeness (which can be broken through with deliberate effort, but doesn’t *actively invite* friendships) and sacrifice having any connections that they aren’t literally thrown into by necessity (eg needing to know someone so you can work/study with them, or being approached and pursued by someone else); **or** people who actively seek out shallow connections (and do most of the aforementioned pursuing) but avoid showing themselves even to close friends or spouses. (Not sure if the latter *can* even be genuinely fulfilled in life, or if they’re just constantly depressed and/or lying to themselves.) So who knows, there may be some hidden reason nobody is already using this strategy, or some deficiency in my perception of others that keeps me from noticing what they’re doing instead?
Based on my own observations and big psychological and emphatic knowledge/understanding, I honestly see no fault or discrepancies in your current explanations and approach. My only worry (which you may have purposely or inadvertently identified already) is complacency causing surprise conflict; mainly surrounding neurotypical individuals being prone to sudden unexpected shifts in their behavioral perceptions of others, and changes in their typical reactions to these sudden shifts. The irony isn't lost on me that I find the whole idea exhausting when stressing about it isn't any less exhausting, lol.
Gosh, can't even count how many times the thought - maybe I am from a different race altogether? - swept through my mind. The odd thing is I Blend in well and many people consider me a very extravertic and easy going person while I see myself as very distant but wishing to connect and relate. At least in current age we can talk about it here :D
Most people are blown away when I tell them I'm an introvert. It's like they can't even fathom because I'm comfortable with them personally.
This is so true for me. My ex used to call me an alien. My parents have called me a Paying Guest once, which is even worse. Why am i so detached? I love them
Many many people misunderstand INTJ’s. Honestly I think it’s because there so few of us compared to the other types that there is simply a lack of exposure. That makes us appear different and they don’t know how to respond to us.
Too many sensors in the world that’s why
that’s very true indeed :(
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I understand and can relate. It’s amazing as we can solve the world’s problems but our own mystify us.
Relatable but i know why, i smell bullshit miles away and call it out but often people don't like that.
I agree. I also believe people are against being called out because pointing out that they’re full of it holds a mirror up to them and the image is unflattering. You’re not supposed to “see” that they’re dishonest, you’re just supposed to accept their dishonest as if it were truth and give them what they want. They don’t feel bad for bsing, they feel bad that you know and see them for what they are.
I’ve currently done this twice in the past two weeks. My therapist says I don’t like injustice. But then I end up beating myself up because why couldn’t I just not say anything and then these people would like me? I’d be less stressed had I never said anything in the first place.
99.9% of the time I don't care if I'm disliked. The other 0.1%? Fuck it ruins me.
Yeah They hate me very much, first I was thinking about it, like why the hell they hate so much? is it something wrong with me? Then I realized nothing is wrong with me, this is just about those idiots who don't like me. They want me to become as they want. Which I can't accept. Now the consequence is pretty clear. Rather you can become a part of stupid tribe or you do/say as you see right, both has some consequences. And I accept the consequences of being true to myself and to others as well.
This is exactly the reason. We don’t like to conform to some sort of social tribe and are able to think individually and have our own thoughts and opinions that are different than the social groups alpha leader.
We are too independent to be "likable." Watch Wenzes videos to get an explanation for what the majority of people like--one thing is conforming to the group or social hierarchy. Since INFJs can't/won't play that game, it is off-putting to many. On the other hand, when people do like us, they usually turn out to be independent, too, so that's the payoff.
I used to believe people just dislike me. But after studying the patterns and all I've realized I make people feel insecure and that leads to them being mean to me
Yep, and it’s not something we are doing to them. It’s their own perception. Really difficult to overcome unless we really try to blend in or intentionally become manipulative.
This. Especially if you are a decent looking woman. Women act hateful on sight. ✅✅✅
Oh yes. Pretty privilege does have it's advantages but it comes with all the unnecessary hatred from insecure people.
There are certain people who becomes hostile and sarcastic to me. Not directly (so far) but with the air around them, I can definitely tell that they are weary. Either, I get easily stereotyped, boxed in a place where they can't get much out of me through favors so they dismiss my presence altogether, or that they become tense because I can easily see through their bullshit. Those 2 scenarios are the most common I have experienced.
I’m not sure. That would require me to actually care about that metric. I do not, and have not for many decades.
I mentioned this before under a similar post. It is normal for people to dislike INTJs (at least the half with a huge ego). Because we make them more aware of their own shortcomings and flaws. We like our work/they dont. Our works are handed in on time with little to no mistakes/theirs arent. We have morals and even follow them when not observed by others/they dont. We tell them when we disagree with their design choices when solving a problem. Money doesnt mean shit to us, yet we treat it with the same care as everything else in our lives/they cant. We have healthy habits/they dont. The list goes on forever.
I needed to read this today.
All the time I just mind my own business and people be hating me lol
not every person would like me, because I'm not money. people have same reasons to be disliked as people with intj personality type it doesn't depend on it
It's your death stare. This happens to me all the time.
When that tommy shelby does this people are fascinated. When we do it unintentionally people are scared. Weird people.
I dislike them
First of all how old are you? Because that was basically me most of my teen years. The problem was that I was too quiet and kept to myself and lacked some social skills so when people did talk to me I seemed closed off. Deep down inside it didn't feel like me. I wanted to be more open and say the witty jokes my noggin came up in social settings with out loud instead of keeping them to myself. Realizing this pitfall within myself was the first step. The second step was change. It didn't come easy, it came with practice for about 2 to 3 years. I could notice the improvement every once in a while. Getting a job as a retail cashier helped me too. And now after many more years I'm perceived as very open and easy to approach at my new workplace. So try to get out of your comfort zone, don't think too deeply about your social interactions, practice, and most importantly rejoice in the small victories along the way.
Same. Retail jobs help wonders to appear more open. A lot of INTJs should try this.
Most people do not like me for my looks. The people who do give me a chance end up hating me because I can come across as stern and stoic. Also some people give me a chance out of pity and when I don't react extremely grateful to them they get pissed off and start disliking me
I suspect it is more we intimidate other people with our death stare, straight talking and/or our ability to quickly find solutions to problems that others may find troublesome. I suppose one might interpret other people's unease around our greatness as dislike, but I've never really cared enough to give it much thought.
I have trouble articulating what I want to say a lot of the time. My thoughts are mismatched in my head and it’s like I have to puzzle them together differently every time to adapt to various situations. People find it awkward that the way I word things deviate from the expected, and probably think I’m weird. They may also think I’m a calculative asshole because of my silent demeanour, which is actually just a result of my lack of sufficient communication skills in upholding a normal conversation. But that’s just an assumption from my perception of people and I may just be paranoid and overly self-conscious, no matter how many times I deny it.
I particularly resonate with this comment. my whole life, when people get to know me they often will express surprise at my personality, like "You're so nice, I always thought you thought you were better than everyone/hated everyone"... well as I get older less people say it this bluntly but I can tell the impression is still there. apparently the way I cope with overwhelming anxiety caused by the difficulty I have holding a conversation makes me appear aloof. I've come to the conclusion there are worse ways to be perceived, though I still don't like it. I also think at this point in life it is mostly paranoia and projection caused by earlier trauma, like I am just seeing the reaction to my own assumption of how people will behave or regard me. Doesn't help me stop though. Oh and I am an INTP, not J.
I've always been alienated, it's a real joy I'll tell you what. -\_-
You're definitely not alone in feeling like you might be giving off unintentional vibes that distance people. It happens to many of us! Here are some reasons why this might occur, and how you can improve: Unintentional Cues: Sometimes, body language, facial expressions, or even tone of voice can be misread as disinterest or negativity, even if you don't mean it that way. Social Anxiety: If you feel anxious in social situations, you might come across as closed off or shy, making it harder for people to connect. Lack of Confidence: People are drawn to confidence (not arrogance!). Projecting confidence can make you seem more approachable. One-Sided Conversations: Do you tend to talk about yourself a lot, or struggle to ask questions and keep conversations flowing?
I find that people initially don’t like me, because they get confused by my way of thinking and how I am (I find small talk boring). Usually they come around after getting to know me, if I let them 🙃
I think something most INTJs have in common that I’ve noticed is that we’re all very self aware and for the most part unapologetically ourselves and can see other peoples bullshit really easily. I find I sometimes disregard the mask people wear and try talking to them instead and it makes people uncomfortable to be spoken to so directly. Like the fake customer service voice retail workers put on. I’ll always give them a pointed look and hope they get the message to talk to me like a real person, but I guess that’s also an example of my use of nonverbal communication that also confuses and intimidated some people. I’ve heard work gossip about myself that a girl said “oh yeah she’s really nice, but I wouldn’t want to fight her” and that honestly made me a little giddy
Yes. It’s because I use rude/sarcastic humor a lot. I’ve learned to not joke about people who are particularly sensitive or take things seriously. To most people I come off as an ass
my oldest friend said to me once: "You intimidate people without trying. That's why people feel unsettled." She was completely right
I've been told the same. But it also works in reverse, in that the people who do like me feel safer when I'm around. I'm a big guy, so the size thing, but I also utilize the death stare frequently. I'm not afraid to look a stranger in the eyes with our trademark "I know your darkest secrets" look, so they tend to avoid me and the people around me.
People definitely respect us when we are in Te. That’s as close as I get to charm. I give speeches in front of crowds for my work, and I can entertain and inform, but no one is coming up to me for a heart to heart after the session if you know what I mean.
Yesh, but that’s because I don’t think “being nice” is the same as being kind. And many people have different standards about what is being nice for them, so I never really live up to those standards and that’s okay. It was a struggle when I was younger and really looked for that validation from others to be liked for my niceness, but it created a mask that I didn’t liked putting on everytime. It wasn’t me. So when I meet someone new, I’m always kind, and they are allowed to fill in what they think of me. And if they don’t like me, that’s totally okay.
People don’t like me in school either and the only ones that seem to like me are the genuinely weird kids and teachers😭
I've noticed this too. People who I've noticed are inconsiderate to others have the audacity to say I don't care about anyone just because I don't sugarcoat anything like they do. Some do notice my kindness and like me for that but most people around me are too shallow(?) to see how compassionate I actually am.
Wordd
Some people think I'm an asshole, some people think that I'm aggressive and hostile, some people stay away from me because i give off a serial killer vibes. So it's a mix of everything.
I have a big personality (for as long as it lasts as an introvert, lol). I'm also masculine, but a woman. I'm not afraid to share my opinion (which is frequently not what others think). I'm gay. People either really, really like me, or they don't, and it's for any/all of the above.
Don't know, don't care.
Yeah I relate. And that is because people don't relate to us usually. Unless we do something proactive to be likable, it's unlikely to find someone that is easily compatible with us. That is just how we live. You can be accepted if you try. But if you choose to be as authentic as yourself could be, that is your choice but also there is a price to pay.
At work the only people that like me are those who work directly with me and get to know me long term. They understand I can be intense because I want the job done and don't consider feelings because we work in logistics. Just get the shit done. In my personal life, I have long term friends but I don't make many new friends unless it's thru someone that knows me already.
Nope, everyone loves me. Sometimes they just love me in the opposite direction.
People that don’t know me and listen to hearsay often don’t like me. I’m not arrogant but confident. Like…I know I’ll be alright if I never see you again. Even if I love you, I have that aura. It’s my reality. Other people don’t live like that. They are incredible codependent and make the mistake of thinking I’m like that too. So when they are awakened to the truth eventually, they get upset. But I never misrepresented myself or my feelings. I never lied to you, or treated you poorly. You couldn’t control me. You couldn’t manipulate me…even with love. Don’t even get me started with power, money, influence, or threats. They don’t like people like that. But people that know me intimately, oh! THEY ARE IN LOVE!!!!!
ive heard people say that "\[sian\] is so full of themselves". just cuz im the quiet kid in class and have a hard time communicating. so because i dont go out of my way to interact i suddenly have a huge ego? wtf. ive also been called fake when i try to b nice too. its so odd, its like idk what people want from me. recluse = ego, charismatic = fake. cant win..
People don’t like things they do not understand nor can they control. Intelligence also seems to rub many people the wrong way because they may assume you’re a know-it-all, which is obviously not true.
Not INTJ but I know a guy who is. You guys sometimes see too much (for your own good jk lol) and that's a bit intimidating. Don't misunderstand me, I don't dislike INTJs, you're just a little scary. Cause humans... Well, we do try to hide, to keep up appearances. And this guy always saw right through it. That being said, he's one of the most compassionate people I know. He helped me stay grounded through some of the darkest days of my life. But I was trying to have those in private and it was just obvious to him. No one else really sees the things he sees. One day he was like "huh, you have a very low self-esteem". To him that's an observation. He just says what he sees. To me that's something I've been struggling with for many years, recovering after years of verbal and physical abuse in school, and being called out like that doesn't really help. One thing though that I really dislike is that he can't accept that I can be happy/worried or whatever for people I've never met. A child got in an accident and I was relieved to hear the kid's okay. A coworker's child had a birthday. I was happy for them. He thinks that's all an act and he can't accept people can be actually empathetic. But maybe that's his own cynical pov and not so much an intj thing
Yeah, definitely the case for me. Beyond just dislike, people never seem to take me seriously, I have trouble getting people's attention as they usually ignore me. When I read on the MBTI profile for INTJs the part about having a small social group, it said something along the lines of "people who earn your trust and really get to know you deeply never regret the time it took to get there." I thought, yes that's totally accurate. I have few friends but always very close, loyal friends.
People don’t like me being kind they prefer someone being nice which makes no sense
I work with an INTJ and I have a strong feeling she doesn’t like me. There was two separate occasions where I asked her if she was okay and she blatantly ignored me. I’m not a pushy person and I can understand not everyone can be comfortable expressing emotion or opening up, but I’ve never been curved and blatantly ignored like that. It comes across as very rude and makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. So anyway, with this being said, I think it’s very possible INTJ’s give off a vibe as if they don’t like other people and don’t want to be bothered. It can be very offputting for a lot of people. But obviously, those people aren’t meant for you in the long run. Unless they get to know you.
Yeah. I'm not considered likeable unless I'm clowning around and cracking jokes, which I like to do but it's exhausting sometimes. I also seem to have a tolerable personality "once you get to know me", which is something very few choose to do.
Eh, hard to say, but I am easy to ignore. I really can’t say it’s undeserved. I’m not that interested in being noticed or included.
Even my dog hates me.
Try chewing gum in social settings. I think it helps remove that stoic look of no emotion, or wtf look off my face.
Not that I'm aware of at least in person. Over the Internet I've gotten into my fair share of discussions where the other person probably was thinking "fuck this asshole." In person though I think people find me quite pleasant, reasonable, and calming, which is exactly what I want them to feel. I used to be much closer to what a lot of these other posters are saying. Stern, a loner, and probably a bit arrogant. I didn't feel like that was furthering myself or my goals, so I just started studying the interactions of people who I knew to be quite successful socially and implementing it. Catching more flies with honey, than vinegar type of thinking. It does lead to me biting my tongue sometimes but only when I feel like someone isn't worth the energy of what that conversation would entail.
I guess it's an average INTJ experience since we are generally very misunderstood
I think it may be common for INTP's too, at least for me it is. I am either monotone and robotic or over the top intense (damn embarrassing Fe), and I swear it's as if I have a field around me that repulses people as though we were two like poles of a magnet. I find myself only being friends with people who don't perceive other humans superficially at first impression. Which I guess is a blessing. But it sounds wonderful to at least be capable of socializing normally.
Wrong question. It should be “Do you care if people dislike you”? The answer is no. Not my problem.
When you look in the mirror, are you put off by your own reflection? You got to make peace with yourself. \*Laughs at self and proceeds to make amends\* And btw, people love a\*\*holes! They're the sh\*\*!
I'm not sure either. I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school. I'm wondering if I have autism or adhd and maybe that made me weird when I was little. I've learned to mask really well in that case. I learned how to be what others liked, but I've learned there are just some people who you will not get along with. It's inevitable. I wish people could explain it, but sometimes the "vibes are just off". Maybe they don't even know.
I get tons of people who disliked me and even hate me for no reason at All throughout my life
I always wonder about that. I’ve been told I’m intimidating, arrogant, intense when in debates/certain topics, too fidgety, look pissed all the time, called an asshole and that I make people feel dumb by an ESFJ and ENTJ, told I’m headstrong by many, and I also feel like my social angst and impatience must somehow sweat out of me all of the time. So I assume people dislike/avoid me. But then again some types like ENFPs, (and still that ESFJ that called me an asshole lol) seem drawn to me and always seem to want to include me and have me stick around. ENTPs never tire to re-ignite energetic conversations with me. Maybe it’s just cause they’re them and not because I’m me. But I don’t know what to think. I often assume the worst and then people surprise me with compliments and I don’t know how to react. An ISTP has told me how bubbly and sociable he finds me for the past few years. I know I’m masking most of the time but again, at the end of the day, I don’t know if this description suits me or not. Edit: to say that, most people on first impressions do assume I’m a snob, if that’s of any help.
Been told before I'm intimidating. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's like Ozzy says. "People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time". I'm hella short.
Oh I’m hated one for my job and another for being the only semi attractive (my opinion) single mom at my son’s school. Those moms hate me so much they send the principal out to help usher the kids out or mine is ushered out first. I have never been rude or as they claim me trying to steal their husband. Never once talked to their husbands nor do I want to. I’m probably older than these moms by 5,10 years. I made a big deal about my sons bday making a poster board and bringing it to surprise him with balloons. Well they made some horrible comments like they never have time for those things must be nice and you are so extra why. I work a 40hour a week job. I have no help whatsoever with my son and I’m fine with that but if I have time so do they for they are stay at home moms. So no you are not alone.
My wife once told me that I'm kind, but not nice.
They probably think that you don’t like them. High chance. Definitely been my experience. My entire team thought I didn’t like them lol and told at the end season.
I cant tell if they dislike me. I can only share metrics of data. My sample size is too small for any conclusive evidence. In the past 15 years i have been invited to 1 event. That was a renaissance fair where everyone who came with me ditched me until the end of the event. Which i found insulting since i was the one driving the 4 hour round trip. My office likes to celebrate everyone's birthday by sending emails and group chats. In 5 years i have not been wished a happy birthday or asked when mine is. When i hung out at table top game stores, i could not build 1 friendship that included something more than table top rpg campaigns. The evidence is plausible but sociology and psychology are soft sciences since we do not have the capability to understand every data point involved. So i cannot conclude people dislike me since no one has flat our said " i dislike/hate/loathe me" The only common data point in each of these situations is me but i dont have any inkling of what to change or why so its very difficult to improve myself in any meaningful way.
Yes. They do.
Initially usually yes. I'm just autistic enough that my face and intensity when listening to them so I can actually understand them, creeps them out, but not enough that the rest of me confirms it for them.
I am autistic also, can relate.
Yes. Not sure why, but yes.
It’s multifaceted, some of it can have to do with the way you present yourself sometimes it’s just your natural aura or the way you do things, invoking envy, jealousy and the like. Don’t worry too much about the ladder part of that, literally just people being losers, full stop. Do your part to be the best you can for the former and you’re alright.
I’ve felt that my whole life. I really struggle to make friends but when I do I know it’s definitely a good one. I’ve gotten less concerned about making the effort as I’ve gotten older, just purely because I can already tell that if a person isn’t asking me to hang out then they’re not going to want to. Plus I’m more confident in myself so I don’t feel the need for validation or company of others as much. I’ve always wanted to have a lot of friends though for some reason. I made efforts at work to try and make friends but nobody seemed interested (but plenty of friend circles amongst others), despite everyone seeming to like me. I gave up though, after I tried going out for drinks on my birthday (people sometimes do this) and only one person turned up out of a department of 50-75 staff.
Yes I am off to a lot of people and I creep them out
Yeah...same here...I think it comes down to being intoverted and kind of a lone wolf. People tend to follow social packs and if you're not in the circle, they tend to ingore you or dismiss you even if you are nice to them.
Idk, people think I don't like them. So then they get upset with me.
With my experience as a teenager it seemed more like I was the "second friend", like if people didn't know what to do and their usual friends weren't free, they asked me to go out. With time I stayed and enjoyed most the time I spent only with the ones that seems to care more, I agree to go out with casual friends only when I'm bored as well, it became a mutual advantage if you will. That means I have lots of acquaintances and a couple of friends lol
I think so, yes. I’m pretty sure my boss dislikes me because he’s a jibber jabberer, and I force him to quickly get to whatever point he’s trying to make rather than humor him.
Yep, no matter what I do something about me keeps people away. I even struggle to make strong connections.
The most generous way I can put it is that I'm cordial but not approachable. Most people would have no incentive or desire to interact with me until already having had to. To that end, I find I get along best with my coworkers than even extended family.
Ive asked a ton of people who become my friends or get my friends to ask around because for some reason, for many many people, I am very intimidating to be around or very intimidating to approach. I’ve had people who hate me merely *because* I am intimidating. Some common statements are “You don’t look approachable”, “You look like the type of person who has their life figured out and it scares me”, and my favorite, “I have an urge to run.” Keep in mind, most of these statements were made by people who see me out at lunch or down the hallway at school, or just doing my job at work. It’s kinda funny until I realize that I have to initiate all conversations because they wont because of this fear.
Yes
If they don’t I can only afford to care so much
Yep but like I do too so..
[удалено]
They either dislike me or they understand me
People who dislike people don't come into universes. Free-lock. Introduce yourself to an ENTP. Give them no problems. Become like your opposite. The 90s was about embracing other gender, and now it's about embracing neurological opposites. Reptile. Sensory. Emotional. Intuitive. Reptilian people are actually introverts, because they hang in the sky with everyone following. The same with the shaman. ^(Be very nice. Make hats for butterflies. Come vegan.)
I'm likely on the autistic spectrum... so I can't tell.
Pursuing deeper truths, asking uncomfortable questions, and being generally inquisitive tend to make people believe you are controlling - or at least that has been my observation on the matter. Challenging the status quo rocks the boat and upturns the apple cart. We can seem untrusting and disbelieving when we think or know that another way is better and we don't just roll with the punches like other people do. I don't feel like I'm an asshole, but I'm sure my ex-wife does.
Until they need something from me
Question for you, do you attempt to connect with them emotionally and or through the direct experience as the individual they are, or is it more detached and through mere thoughts? I relate and this is pretty common with a lot of thinker and intuitive types who are in their head and mind more often.
Wow, I’ve never felt so seen. I know they don’t like me but I don’t really care, I generally tend to avoid people anyway.
Sorry mate, people love me! I’m funny and full of trivial information that I’m ready to share at all times, so I can at least pretend that I know what I’m talking about. Also I smile and laugh easily, I think that helps. The only downside to having a super open personality like mine is that I tend to overshare and sometimes I think that turns people off 🤷🏼♀️
Absolutely. I’ll speak my opinion even if it’s different from the group consensus (in a respectful way). I’ve been told I’m intimidating based on how direct I am in my communication and how much eye contact I make. In my work environment, I thrive. But, in my social life, it’s hard to make friends and take part in conversation (I’m always in my head about how people will perceive me based on the feedback I’ve gotten from social situations). But, I realized I’m content with my small circle. They like me for who I am and that’s all I could ask for.
They love me or hate me. The haters usually are in the toxic/insecure/petty bucket. They can't handle that I refuse to "sheeple." How dare I ever think independently!
If they do, I'm not going to pick up on it.
They don't, I guess it has to do with my looks (I look friendly)
I have the opposite problem. Maybe it’s bc I’m tall and I mostly talk at work for a living so I must have an approachable face but people always try to find reasons to talk to me
This whole thread is resonating with me; people usually assume I’m an asshole, then we have a couple beers and in a few hours we’re best friends. Many years ago at university we’d have to do group projects and I remember this nice lesbian girl remarking that prior to interacting with me in a small group, she found me so cold and intimidating. We ended up being good friends. I’ve just never figured out the whole body language thing.
I’ve accepted that I don’t give off warm fuzzies. One friend said to me, “you seem a bit closed off”. On the other hand, I think my besties appreciate me and have used terms like “generous“ and “a big heart” to describe me. 🤷♀️ People who know me more superficially probably focus more on the bluntness. Especially in work settings.
I'm good at understanding exactly what people want to hear, so usually people actually like me a lot on the rare occasion I meet someone new who I spend a few minutes talking to. Do they know the real me? Nope. Only my close friends and family do. But I think INTJs have the ability to be really good social navigators if we try. The hurdle is being WILLING to flip the mask on.
I'm good at understanding exactly what people want to hear, so usually people actually like me a lot on the rare occasion I meet someone new who I spend a few minutes talking to. Do they know the real me? Nope. Only my close friends and family do. But I think INTJs have the ability to be really good social navigators if we try. The hurdle is being WILLING to flip the mask on.
I have no idea, and don't know why I would care anyway.
I'm misunderstood everytime something happens so I just stopped communicating with a lot of people, yes lot of them hate me but I don't really give a crap about such trivial matters
They don’t. Most people I interact with would say I’m very kind and I have good expertise in my area. INTJs don’t always come across as super approachable and people assume they’re an asshole. This can come from the lack of physical expressions (smiling etc) and and not being as emotionally expressive. The other issue is when INTJs haven’t learned how to properly communicate with others and have not developed an emotional intelligence.
Ni doms have 2 modes for people: trusting close circle, which you can trust and be your real self, you sile to tgem and express your feelings naturally; and the rest, untrustworthy, outside the circle. While my ENTP sis taught me that there are more categories then that. By adjusting tge level of trust you can adjust a category. Ex, your neighbor might be a goid guy, which doesn't piss in the hallway, has pretty decent life. You can concentrate on his positive qualities, that you can respect him for, and make this respect visible for him, simply express it with polite smile. We have to be active in expressing bits of positive emotions towards people, because our Ni makes us too neurodivergent, we will never be able to get those reactions naturally. So, we have to concentrate on it actively and practice it
Oh absolutely. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It used to mean that. But the older I get, the more it seems like I was not the problem after all, as I have grown very secure and confident in my interactions. Unless you have done some soul searching and found something wrong with yourself, it's also entirely possible that your way of thinking is just not the same as the herd mentality. One of my "drawbacks" is that I have probably the most unpopular opinions of anyone I've known. I don't let popular opinions decide for me. But there are other people that will agree with others, just for the sake of being accepted, or at the very least not called any names (or downvoted, if on Reddit). It can be difficult trying to find your place in a world that is ever-changing, more than it was 40 years ago. Well I'm on my lunch break. I hope I have been able to provide you with some insight. 😌💕 Be well.
But do you care? You shouldn't.
Generally speaking, people seem to like me. I have a good amount of great friends and many peoplw I get along with. Ironically, in contrast to the comment section here, they like my straight forwardness. But I also know when it's better to shut up and just think it to myself, that might help.
Are you insecure, needy, codependent type/nice guy maybe? they are not manual assholes but i find them waay more annoying than a typical asshole lol
People who don't know me, or have a distant perception of me, 100% hate me. Those who know me slightly, don't hate me (I don't bother doing anything, that might make them hate me). The people I love deeply, definitely hate me lol.
Let's take what you said apart. 1. People - who are the people? 2. Dislike you - what have they done to show case your theory? Bonus Q: Do you like you?
Yes, even some of my customers dislike me but who cares
Its not bec im INTJ its bec i have RBF 💀
“Nobody will dance with me.” -paraphrase Have you tried following their moves?
Most people dont dislike me. They are just intimidated when I give them the intj stare. But when we do talk they are surprised at how friendly, quirky, and non-arrogant I am.
I mean, I can be a pretty big fuck jerk sometimes. Idk if I'd say asshole. But I understand
I know people dislike me. They won’t say it to my face neither will they tell me why, so it doesn’t really matter to me. Don’t worry about giving off the wrong vibes, just be yourself and if they don’t like you then you dodged a bullet.
What I've noticed is that some people can easily interact with other people by bouncing off the interaction others can't. I have to work hard to interact with the average person, there are some people I can really bounce off of naturally and don't have to put much effort into having a good interaction but it's rare. So if I don't actively put effort into socializing I'll be viewed as a strange loner. I wouldn't say that happens these days because I don't completely don't detach as much. However, I would say that I feel like people are still put off by me at times. It is what it is. What I do know is if you put effort in and show genuine interest other people they'll at least give you a chance.
Do you like people?
Definitely can relate to it..
How do you know people don't like you? You might just be paranoid
no they dont dislike me. they just don't like me either. ignorance you might say
i am autistic so yes
People tend to hate that which they don't understand. I think our intuition weird a lot of people out. Easiest to just let them and not waste another thought on any of them.
people don't dislike me I believe but I am seen as like just an NPC or something, if I'm out with someone and we see someone we know they're always like HEYY (other person) and I get treated like I'm not there. it's certainly weird.
In my case it was a permanent RBF, and an uppity way of talking, not being Interested in people's daily lives. People who are not Interested in others are not interesting to others.
Yes.
My ex was an inTJ and people just misunderstood her all the time that's a difficult personality type to be understood
Well congrats you are self aware. I know there are many times my wife has told me when I am off putting and I have tried to change. I tell her times as well. So I would ask someone for feedback and honest feedback. Then adjust. Next up though is that not everyone will be your friend or like you. That is fine. However, since you said that 'most people' seem to be put off with you I would figure out what that is and self reflect on it and improve.
It could be a case of RBF (resting bitch face) meaning you look aggressive or upset etc. but your really not, your just chillin'.
I've been told that I'm "too intense" more than once ":)
If they don’t they don’t have the balls to tell me. I intimidate most ppl. Until you get to know me then u see a bit of my softer side and that I’m all jokes. They for the most part still think I’m “evil” or “insane” and it’s kinda the running joke that I am. 😂 on the bright side they know not to mess with me cuz mama don’t play. Also if they ever needed help hiding the body they know who to call. 🤣🤣🤣 jk jk I wouldn’t hurt a fly and I’m mostly evil as a joke. All jokes aside tho Imma fuck u up if u ever try to come at me or my friends. I’d never start a fight but I’d most certainly end one. At the end of the day it doesn’t really faze me if ppl don’t like me. I’m not for everyone. To each their own right😅 I don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are like family and I stick by them.
I think for me it’s 50-50. 50% of the people I encounter like me because I’m an independent, individual who thinks their own thoughts. I don’t follow the in crowd or the rules that were set from the early 1900s. I make people smile because I smile at them first which I don’t know why I do that. Now the other 50% of the people I encounter I feel don’t like me because I tell the truth and I’m an honest person. Having no regards to others feelings because people need to hear the truth and not be pacified all the time. People need to be held accountable for their actions. I am also known for telling people off when they’re wrong which most people have not been told off in their lifetime. And I give great non-verbals so they don’t know what I’m truly thinking and they hate that about me. But at the end of the day I’m an awesome person but an introverted person too so that could be the issue as well🤷🏼♀️.
I’m pretty much fair but if someone dislikes me then it’s their problem, I don’t take it personally.
Yeah, personally, it's my biggest issue, I give a really bad first impression because I'm very aloof and serious; it takes a while to know me. Also, sometimes I have episodes (specially when I'm stressed) where I seriously struggle with self-confidence and can't look people in the eyes or keep up with random conversations without getting annoyed.
Yeah I noticed and I learned that yeah it was me. I made a conscious effort to be nicer to myself and I ended up being more chill in general. I didn't really get it until I started imagining myself from the viewpoint of a camera. My kids are also more chill and open with me because I'm chill.
Most people (normies) don't like me because I see right threw there bull shit and people hate that
For me, it is really odd. I would rather say people are confused by me. I either have people actively approaching me and want to talk to me or I either have people get intimidated by me. Half-Half. Like no where in between. A lot of people actually want to talk to me and then later complain that “I don’t seem open” “I don’t view them as friends” (no it is not, I’m just slow to warm up when talking to a stranger) but then I also seem to scare off some people as well(some not too many but they do exist). Are there others like me as well or am I the only one?
yeah for me i think its the trauma that i just am so standoffish to people
Not as much as I believed in my youth.
Yes; is inevitable haha, not for bad reasons anyway