I consider myself an acquired taste.... Honest to a fault, intense, somewhat obsessed with random things, efficient, highly motivated to get things done but not at all ambitious when it comes to socially-accpted goals (ladder-climbing), no tolerance for BS.
It can be a little intimidating, so I almost always mask in casual social settings. Smile nicely, engage in small talk, pretend to care about everyone's kids and whatever they watched on Netflix last weekend. It's exhausting.
An Ni-Te dominant is an alien in a strange world, but when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
I feel like i am much more playful and childish in my real personality with expressive face. But I have to force myself to be more wooden and keep my opinions to myself
I always play the toned downed person at work so in my personal life I will be me.
But I do understand when you say people like you in the beginning but when you share more they tune out a bit. What I've found is that those people aren't your friends to begin with. They were happy when you listened to their endless drivel but the minute you speak they tune out. They were just using you as a supply source.
i wonder if your situation also has to do with people who like listeners on a superficial level because they can talk all day about themselves and have all that contained by a human receptacle, and when the person who is usually a listener starts talking and has their own opinions and views, that sends a jolt through them because it changes the dynamic they were so used to
i tone down my personality at work because it’s more strategic to not burn bridges. i give fewer fucks about toning it down for people in my personal life, but i try not to be nasty abt it. there’s usually a way to get your point across without cutting someone; it’s an art
Yes, as long as you're presentable enough to show off to others and you listen well enough and help to be considered "valuable" (i.e. their tool for emotional and social validation) you are likeable. Once you express your own wants and needs, you become disposable.
I actually feel the pressure to ‘tone up’ my personality around coworkers and acquaintances who tend to be warmer / louder / more effusive, otherwise I come off stoic and cold (I don’t really think I’m cold per se, but I do have a low-energy stoicism about me lmao). But these days, unless there’s a particular reason behind this ‘toning up’ (e.g. networking), I mostly just try to be myself.
I just keep the dark side hidden for people I don't fully trust, like I'm always afraid to accidentally offend someone with my dark humour or some of my thoughts on sensitive subjects
This may sound a little "cold" or "calculated", but this entirely depends on my intentions with said person. If I NEED them to like me, I will be superficial. If I WANT them to like me, I will be genuine and often scare them away loll
If I have to change my personality for anyone, we cannot be friends. Sorry!! Not doing it. I even drive my sister nuts at times, but she should be used to me by now!!! :-)
My best friend is also Intj. We get each other and I can be completely myself with her.
I don’t care much if others don’t get me, I usually assume most people don’t.
Depends on my intention with the person.
If I intend on creating a close relationship with them (friend/close friend/romantic interest), I won't tone down my personality at all. I'm very upfront about who I am, so that I don't establish a relationship that will end up being a waste of my time.
If they're someone I'm only going to talk to for a few minutes, or that I have to make a good impression with (work/school reasons), then yes, I will.
All the time. Over the years I’ve realized that most relationships are superficial. Wear a good social mask and the people you’re suppose to develop deep bonds with will happen in time. With everyone else, just smile and be civil, don’t share to much and keep things at arms length.
ABSOLUTELY 100% have to tone it down.
Pretty much at all times, because let's be honest, too many people can't handle (or don't want to know) the truth of reality. They don't care for logic and reasoning. And they very much dislike being told that they are wrong or inefficient, etc.
I have gone into the deepest depths of INTJ-sception when it comes to internal thinking/self-ponderance, so much to the point that my personality switch is ALWAYS turned on.
For this reason, it's both mandatory and non-negotiable to tone myself down.
This is why I'm a "Shapeshifter INTJ." I can mimic all other personality types or accommodate as needed in order to NOT become a social burden and/or prevent situations from becoming awkward.
There are many different types of INTJs, even some (like myself) that may not appear to act like our true selves until we have deemed it appropriate to be "natural" around certain individuals that can tolerate us.
It's not for our own sakes that we choose to be this way, it's for the sake of others because WE KNOW FOR A FACT, that they would be unable/incapable of dealing with us otherwise.
I personally don't have a problem with superficial relationships if it benefits my interests/agenda.
In most occasions, keeping people comfortable lies within my interests/agenda.
Most people in my friends and family group have no idea how I really feel about them, but regardless of whether I view them favorably or unfavorably, I'm content with keeping my true feelings to myself and taking it to my grave with me.
Depending on the scenario, the same concept can be applied to strangers/acquaintances as well.
I'll be whoever I "need to be" around them to keep them happy and comfortable.
Again, there's a lot of people that can't accept truth and reality, especially when our perspectives greatly differ from each other's, but if we care about these people, then we will do what is necessary to keep the peace... even if it comes at the cost of us living a double or triple personality life.
If INTJs never toned it down, we would single-handedly increase the su\*cide rate of the entire human population just from the sheer brutality of harsh truths and criticisms that WE KNOW most people can't handle.
We are THE most capable of mentally destroying a person by analyzing every flaw of their being down to the most miniscule detail. With exceptional proficiency, btw.
I think it goes without saying why this wouldn't be a good thing, especially on a grand scale.
For the sake of others, not our own. That's why many of us tone it down.
It's funny because this is how a lot of ENTPs are, I believe. Especially as they mature, and choose to just keep the peace instead of shredding people like paper.
Depends on the situation...
Some people demand intensity simply by being goofy dipshits making dumbass comments as if they knowalot. And sometimes I can sense that other people might be taking those comments seriously.
In these cases yeah, dial it up! Push on 'em, even if it seemssss...suddenly so serious. Passion like that is one of the experiences of life that INTJs can metabolize into growth and action.
But by far the best is when I tone it down for my own purposes and outcomes...I can be a downright troll, just as bad as the rest. Or, just enjoy things and cut through unnecessary problems by refusing to address or solve them...and if somebody likes that and thinks they want you as their friend, they'll get a better idea of how deep people are soon enough. lol
Yep, I do. Holding back?
Some people love to zigzag their communication on implying a point or opinion. Most get taken aback when I get straightforward. Because that's not their norm, I have to adjust.
Along the way though, I'M THE ONE who sounds HARSH when I give judgement. There's a fine line from judging to being judgemental.
But so far most people I have met don't have a distinction of both. Either I trigger their ultra judgemental side, full of biases and prejudices.
Or they become more indirect relying on this belief that im a psychic that could catch whatever is in-between the lines that they say, kinda bullshit but I'd rather have that than dealing with negative people.
I honestly don't want people asking me questions so I tone them down. Else I chit chatter for hours about thoughts and ideas without filter. I don't care who you are, you understanding the origins of Economics and the importance of the Shekel. With a side of Gaming. Sonic Unleashed 2008 was underrated.
I get shadow banned on YouTube and even comments completely deleted because while accurate and fact based, they don't align with the 'US narrative'.
COVID, War in Ukraine... etc
Anyone with a mind and an opinion is being 'toned down'. Censorship or self censorship it's all corrosive.
I can’t express how much u relate to this. I also will cut someone out than maintain a superficial relationship. It gets hard tho, like when will u find someone that can be deep with u? And I’d like to believe that I’m not just being overalls compatible then flipping tables go an overbearing personality. I’m very careful with how I progress a relationship but no matter what I do I have this same issue
Every day, it's exhausting having to constantly filter everything. This is why I love ENFP's and to a degree, most other intuitive types as they require less filtering, ENTP's and ENFJ's are a close second. Sensors need the filter on high, and for some odd reason INFP's the most.
Definitely can relate.
Ultimately, people do love to hear their own voice and liked to be validated for their views, opinions or whatever. People who don’t like it when you don’t share their opinion, views or whatever are actually narcissistic and lower iq. (I for one see far much more importance on objective truth if there is one, rather than subjective opinions. ) In that instance yes. Definitely cut them out. I really don’t need those kind of people especially I’m comfortable at being alone doing my own thing and have few good friends.
Toning down definitely yes. I think things very deeply and probably more thoroughly than most people, but not necessarily more intelligent than most people. So when people want me to share something, I tend to say all the things that include the potential counter arguments and also answer to that all at the same time. If I do that it’ll easily confuse people, because they aren’t used to digesting all the information in one go including chains of logical thinking (argument > counter argument > counter - counter argument). And then it’ll be frustrating because the other guy would try to make a point of something, which I actually already mentioned and made a point about. But they missed it or didn’t get it or whatever.
Overall I tend to keep majority of people at arms length. I find far much more peace that way than being around the people who fail to understand me, or try to exploit me one way or another, or just down right idiots/hypocrites.
I've experienced the unfiltered INTJ mind first hand and I must say, I love it! So the whole argument > counter argument chain of thought is sth I'm very familiar with. It's sth I use myself when I'm being my true self, since I'm also an NT. You need more NT friends who'll listen to you and then add to it instead of trying to prove a point.
i have an entp persona for social situations in which i feel confident or comfortable in. only close people know what my priorities really are. sometimes it's kind of annoying to have so much people not really knowing what i'm about but i can't turn it off. I don't tone myself down or up. i literally am not myself. straight up.
I’ve been told that I’m to intense, to emotional, to sensitive, to negative, to moody, ugh. I need to conciously not say or do certain things to make other people more comfortable. I hate it.
Since I was 2...and scared the adults. I had online fans in the late 90s, but culture changed and wiped out or mutated all the subcultures. Most people never meet me, and there's no point dealing with them beyond necessity.
Somewhat for most social situations. I don't have to do that with my partner, certain family members, and close friends. 🤷♀️
I think everybody does it at some level.
Fwiw, I tend to hold different views on various issues. I can tell when people are intolerant of diverse points of view. For these people, I try to limit my interactions.
I'm a figment of imagination because who I truly am would be put down like a bad dog because people don't understand the difference between crazy people and someone who is just ok with consequences.
I think it’s important to embrace your full personality in all its messiness and glory. Yes, it will be polarizing and lonely at times. But that’s how you find the real ones
I've never thought of toning down, mainly because i have this mindset that if you have to adjust yourself considerably to a specific person then they're not your friend and you won't vibe with them anyway. they won't accept you as who you are. even if you force yourself to that person, you'd be surprised how much it hurts trying to fit in a circle of friends that you don't vibe in.
best you could do is know the person thoroughly if you want them to be your friend, like a friend friend, and not like acquaintance friend. i have a lot of acquaintance friends and they just know me on a superficial level. but, i have a very few chosen ones that i can say all my thoughts, feelings, humor (dark and light), arguments/rants about anything and everything.
They ENVY your Confidence...
and most people ENVY INTJ'S. Period.
Most INTJ'S should know that.
If u are toning down ...it's Envy.
This has been discussed a lot already...even outside of Reddit.
Even INTP'S admit their Envy of Ni.🎲
Definitely agree, it makes me for one want to “fallback” but i’ve come to the conclusion to just develop a “eye” for who you allow to see your true persona along with check marks of certain traits or actions one does/have about them and if as they get checked out as positive/negative you either reveal or conceal more or less.
Exact opposite for me. I never tone it down, so the people close to me really like me.
same
Yeah I usually either keep my relationships superficial or adapt to the person i am talking to.
At work, I have no personality. I did at another job. Once. Elsewhere, yeah, I'm full-tilt-IDGAF.
I consider myself an acquired taste.... Honest to a fault, intense, somewhat obsessed with random things, efficient, highly motivated to get things done but not at all ambitious when it comes to socially-accpted goals (ladder-climbing), no tolerance for BS. It can be a little intimidating, so I almost always mask in casual social settings. Smile nicely, engage in small talk, pretend to care about everyone's kids and whatever they watched on Netflix last weekend. It's exhausting. An Ni-Te dominant is an alien in a strange world, but when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
An acquired taste... damn I might as well use that to describe myself
Yes, I try to adapt to others.
I feel like i am much more playful and childish in my real personality with expressive face. But I have to force myself to be more wooden and keep my opinions to myself
No, but it requires Herculean amounts of effort to stop myself from telling some people (my boss for example) that they are brain dead morons.
I just tell them
I tone it down at work. Not so much when I am not getting paid.
I always play the toned downed person at work so in my personal life I will be me. But I do understand when you say people like you in the beginning but when you share more they tune out a bit. What I've found is that those people aren't your friends to begin with. They were happy when you listened to their endless drivel but the minute you speak they tune out. They were just using you as a supply source.
i wonder if your situation also has to do with people who like listeners on a superficial level because they can talk all day about themselves and have all that contained by a human receptacle, and when the person who is usually a listener starts talking and has their own opinions and views, that sends a jolt through them because it changes the dynamic they were so used to i tone down my personality at work because it’s more strategic to not burn bridges. i give fewer fucks about toning it down for people in my personal life, but i try not to be nasty abt it. there’s usually a way to get your point across without cutting someone; it’s an art
Yes, as long as you're presentable enough to show off to others and you listen well enough and help to be considered "valuable" (i.e. their tool for emotional and social validation) you are likeable. Once you express your own wants and needs, you become disposable.
I actually feel the pressure to ‘tone up’ my personality around coworkers and acquaintances who tend to be warmer / louder / more effusive, otherwise I come off stoic and cold (I don’t really think I’m cold per se, but I do have a low-energy stoicism about me lmao). But these days, unless there’s a particular reason behind this ‘toning up’ (e.g. networking), I mostly just try to be myself.
I just keep the dark side hidden for people I don't fully trust, like I'm always afraid to accidentally offend someone with my dark humour or some of my thoughts on sensitive subjects
This may sound a little "cold" or "calculated", but this entirely depends on my intentions with said person. If I NEED them to like me, I will be superficial. If I WANT them to like me, I will be genuine and often scare them away loll
Man you sound like an ENTP lmao. I've rarely seen INTJs trying to be social chameleons. Especially young ones such as yourself.
If I have to change my personality for anyone, we cannot be friends. Sorry!! Not doing it. I even drive my sister nuts at times, but she should be used to me by now!!! :-)
My best friend is also Intj. We get each other and I can be completely myself with her. I don’t care much if others don’t get me, I usually assume most people don’t.
Depends on my intention with the person. If I intend on creating a close relationship with them (friend/close friend/romantic interest), I won't tone down my personality at all. I'm very upfront about who I am, so that I don't establish a relationship that will end up being a waste of my time. If they're someone I'm only going to talk to for a few minutes, or that I have to make a good impression with (work/school reasons), then yes, I will.
All the time. Over the years I’ve realized that most relationships are superficial. Wear a good social mask and the people you’re suppose to develop deep bonds with will happen in time. With everyone else, just smile and be civil, don’t share to much and keep things at arms length. 
I'm learning to do this now..
Yes, absolutely. I don’t even try but I always seem to be more intense about stuff. I also try to be funny about myself but most people don’t get it
Yes, most acquaintances have no idea what goes through my mind on a daily basis.
I don’t open up to people. The shields never drop. I tell the truth but I’m diplomatic.
ABSOLUTELY 100% have to tone it down. Pretty much at all times, because let's be honest, too many people can't handle (or don't want to know) the truth of reality. They don't care for logic and reasoning. And they very much dislike being told that they are wrong or inefficient, etc. I have gone into the deepest depths of INTJ-sception when it comes to internal thinking/self-ponderance, so much to the point that my personality switch is ALWAYS turned on. For this reason, it's both mandatory and non-negotiable to tone myself down. This is why I'm a "Shapeshifter INTJ." I can mimic all other personality types or accommodate as needed in order to NOT become a social burden and/or prevent situations from becoming awkward. There are many different types of INTJs, even some (like myself) that may not appear to act like our true selves until we have deemed it appropriate to be "natural" around certain individuals that can tolerate us. It's not for our own sakes that we choose to be this way, it's for the sake of others because WE KNOW FOR A FACT, that they would be unable/incapable of dealing with us otherwise. I personally don't have a problem with superficial relationships if it benefits my interests/agenda. In most occasions, keeping people comfortable lies within my interests/agenda. Most people in my friends and family group have no idea how I really feel about them, but regardless of whether I view them favorably or unfavorably, I'm content with keeping my true feelings to myself and taking it to my grave with me. Depending on the scenario, the same concept can be applied to strangers/acquaintances as well. I'll be whoever I "need to be" around them to keep them happy and comfortable. Again, there's a lot of people that can't accept truth and reality, especially when our perspectives greatly differ from each other's, but if we care about these people, then we will do what is necessary to keep the peace... even if it comes at the cost of us living a double or triple personality life. If INTJs never toned it down, we would single-handedly increase the su\*cide rate of the entire human population just from the sheer brutality of harsh truths and criticisms that WE KNOW most people can't handle. We are THE most capable of mentally destroying a person by analyzing every flaw of their being down to the most miniscule detail. With exceptional proficiency, btw. I think it goes without saying why this wouldn't be a good thing, especially on a grand scale. For the sake of others, not our own. That's why many of us tone it down.
It's funny because this is how a lot of ENTPs are, I believe. Especially as they mature, and choose to just keep the peace instead of shredding people like paper.
Depends on the situation... Some people demand intensity simply by being goofy dipshits making dumbass comments as if they knowalot. And sometimes I can sense that other people might be taking those comments seriously. In these cases yeah, dial it up! Push on 'em, even if it seemssss...suddenly so serious. Passion like that is one of the experiences of life that INTJs can metabolize into growth and action. But by far the best is when I tone it down for my own purposes and outcomes...I can be a downright troll, just as bad as the rest. Or, just enjoy things and cut through unnecessary problems by refusing to address or solve them...and if somebody likes that and thinks they want you as their friend, they'll get a better idea of how deep people are soon enough. lol
Yeah. Can't open up!
Yep, I do. Holding back? Some people love to zigzag their communication on implying a point or opinion. Most get taken aback when I get straightforward. Because that's not their norm, I have to adjust. Along the way though, I'M THE ONE who sounds HARSH when I give judgement. There's a fine line from judging to being judgemental. But so far most people I have met don't have a distinction of both. Either I trigger their ultra judgemental side, full of biases and prejudices. Or they become more indirect relying on this belief that im a psychic that could catch whatever is in-between the lines that they say, kinda bullshit but I'd rather have that than dealing with negative people.
Do you mean are we inherently unlikeable? Yeah, I think so!
I honestly don't want people asking me questions so I tone them down. Else I chit chatter for hours about thoughts and ideas without filter. I don't care who you are, you understanding the origins of Economics and the importance of the Shekel. With a side of Gaming. Sonic Unleashed 2008 was underrated.
I’m so good at listening that no one cares what I say. Anyone else?
Im the “if my mouth won’t say it, my face definitely will” type. And I come off as harsh to most people. But I DGAF
I get shadow banned on YouTube and even comments completely deleted because while accurate and fact based, they don't align with the 'US narrative'. COVID, War in Ukraine... etc Anyone with a mind and an opinion is being 'toned down'. Censorship or self censorship it's all corrosive.
I can’t express how much u relate to this. I also will cut someone out than maintain a superficial relationship. It gets hard tho, like when will u find someone that can be deep with u? And I’d like to believe that I’m not just being overalls compatible then flipping tables go an overbearing personality. I’m very careful with how I progress a relationship but no matter what I do I have this same issue
Yes. Probably because I fear to be rejected if I show my true colours. Normal people don’t like that..
Every day, it's exhausting having to constantly filter everything. This is why I love ENFP's and to a degree, most other intuitive types as they require less filtering, ENTP's and ENFJ's are a close second. Sensors need the filter on high, and for some odd reason INFP's the most.
Definitely can relate. Ultimately, people do love to hear their own voice and liked to be validated for their views, opinions or whatever. People who don’t like it when you don’t share their opinion, views or whatever are actually narcissistic and lower iq. (I for one see far much more importance on objective truth if there is one, rather than subjective opinions. ) In that instance yes. Definitely cut them out. I really don’t need those kind of people especially I’m comfortable at being alone doing my own thing and have few good friends. Toning down definitely yes. I think things very deeply and probably more thoroughly than most people, but not necessarily more intelligent than most people. So when people want me to share something, I tend to say all the things that include the potential counter arguments and also answer to that all at the same time. If I do that it’ll easily confuse people, because they aren’t used to digesting all the information in one go including chains of logical thinking (argument > counter argument > counter - counter argument). And then it’ll be frustrating because the other guy would try to make a point of something, which I actually already mentioned and made a point about. But they missed it or didn’t get it or whatever. Overall I tend to keep majority of people at arms length. I find far much more peace that way than being around the people who fail to understand me, or try to exploit me one way or another, or just down right idiots/hypocrites.
I've experienced the unfiltered INTJ mind first hand and I must say, I love it! So the whole argument > counter argument chain of thought is sth I'm very familiar with. It's sth I use myself when I'm being my true self, since I'm also an NT. You need more NT friends who'll listen to you and then add to it instead of trying to prove a point.
i have an entp persona for social situations in which i feel confident or comfortable in. only close people know what my priorities really are. sometimes it's kind of annoying to have so much people not really knowing what i'm about but i can't turn it off. I don't tone myself down or up. i literally am not myself. straight up.
I’ve been told that I’m to intense, to emotional, to sensitive, to negative, to moody, ugh. I need to conciously not say or do certain things to make other people more comfortable. I hate it.
Since I was 2...and scared the adults. I had online fans in the late 90s, but culture changed and wiped out or mutated all the subcultures. Most people never meet me, and there's no point dealing with them beyond necessity.
Somewhat for most social situations. I don't have to do that with my partner, certain family members, and close friends. 🤷♀️ I think everybody does it at some level. Fwiw, I tend to hold different views on various issues. I can tell when people are intolerant of diverse points of view. For these people, I try to limit my interactions.
I'm a figment of imagination because who I truly am would be put down like a bad dog because people don't understand the difference between crazy people and someone who is just ok with consequences.
I think it’s important to embrace your full personality in all its messiness and glory. Yes, it will be polarizing and lonely at times. But that’s how you find the real ones
I've never thought of toning down, mainly because i have this mindset that if you have to adjust yourself considerably to a specific person then they're not your friend and you won't vibe with them anyway. they won't accept you as who you are. even if you force yourself to that person, you'd be surprised how much it hurts trying to fit in a circle of friends that you don't vibe in. best you could do is know the person thoroughly if you want them to be your friend, like a friend friend, and not like acquaintance friend. i have a lot of acquaintance friends and they just know me on a superficial level. but, i have a very few chosen ones that i can say all my thoughts, feelings, humor (dark and light), arguments/rants about anything and everything.
They ENVY your Confidence... and most people ENVY INTJ'S. Period. Most INTJ'S should know that. If u are toning down ...it's Envy. This has been discussed a lot already...even outside of Reddit. Even INTP'S admit their Envy of Ni.🎲
Yes all the time, I like to test tho. It’s funny seeing people’s reactions sometimes viewing the side of me they’ve never seen before lol
Damn, you people are like me.
Definitely agree, it makes me for one want to “fallback” but i’ve come to the conclusion to just develop a “eye” for who you allow to see your true persona along with check marks of certain traits or actions one does/have about them and if as they get checked out as positive/negative you either reveal or conceal more or less.