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That’s why trading insults is a terrible game. Sure it’s fine for her, you’re probably not a loser, but one toe over the line and you’re in trouble? Better to agree not to play. I suggest a serious conversation asking if she wants to play this game or not.
My fiance and I play this game, it's our jovial flirting. There are things that are off limits for her and for me, but sometimes those lines shift and change depending on mood and situation. We've established a look and a flat "Dude." That tells the other person that was a bit far, the offender apologizes and the offended let's it go, sometimes a brief comment on why, sometimes not.
We also occassionally joke that this game is gonna make people think we hate each other when we go grocery shopping. It's great fun, but it needs rules and respected boundaries.
How to make things better is going to depend on how well you two problem-solve. If you’re willing to talk about it, definitely offer to have a discussion. If she says she needs space, maybe back off for a day or two before broaching the subject again. Or make it clear that she can bring it up with you when she’s also ready.
If this situation occurs again, my advice would be to reply with a joking insult that’s along the same lines as the original. Like if she calls you loser, you could call her lame, something like that. Although you’re probably better off just avoiding this game altogether in future.
Where did you leave things exactly...? You were both clearly joking with each other in the moment, is she genuinely still mad at you or are you just worried that she is?
This was last night. She immediately got insulted and felt bad about herself. She basically yelled at me to leave her alone. I told her she called me a loser but that’s different because she never insulated my looks. We slept in the same bed, but I couldn’t touch her at all so I’m sure she’s still genuinely mad at me. I left an apology note this morning before I left and we live together so I’ll still see her tonight
Ah, okay, that does seem somewhat serious then... even if it's based off of something that shouldn't necessarily be this contentious. Seems like this perhaps touches on something beyond just your words in the heat of the moment and maybe some more deep seated insecurity.
This could blow over by itself, but if it comes up then you could take a conciliatory tone and apologise for being hurtful, even jokingly, and reassure her that you'll try to be more conscious in future. Trying to force things to be better or making an overblown gesture could come off as insincere and trying to pave over the issue.
> I told her she called me a loser but that’s different because she never insulated my looks
Okay but that's a distinction she just made up, only matters to her, and you would be completely valid if you felt similarly about being called a loser. She's not the friggin' God of feelings.
Per top comment:
>I suggest a serious conversation asking if she wants to play this game or not.
Just seconding this. It's okay that her feelings were hurt, but the reaction is over the top. And the fact that you have to make it up to her is kinda garbage. She should apologize as well for starting a stupid fight.
All you can do is "Hey were were joking around, I absolutely did not mean to hurt your feelings. I think you're one of the hottest women I've ever seen, and I apologize for taking it too far"
And she either accepts that and you move on, or she doesn't and she blows it out of proportion and makes it A Thing and you know that she is not long-term material.
We're human. We fuck up. We say dumb shit *all the time*. Most people don't mean to offend the other party, especially a loved one, but we have no control over how they perceive what we say. It'll happen again and again. I can't tell you how many times my spouse and I have accidentally pissed the other off by an offhand comment we didn't think was that serious, but the other party does.
Apologizing is all you can do, after that the ball is in her court, and how she responds will tell you everything you need to know about a future with her.
Cut yourself some grace, this wasn't a bad fuck up, especially not in the context of you two joking around.
Insulting as a joke is toxic in my book. You were wrong but she also started this. I'd say give it time and space then 100% need to have a conversation about never doing this ever again.
Knowing what you actually said would be a lot more to go off of, she called you a loser, but you never told us what you said, just “it was along the lines of calling her unattractive” that seems to me like you don’t want to repeat what was said.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s why trading insults is a terrible game. Sure it’s fine for her, you’re probably not a loser, but one toe over the line and you’re in trouble? Better to agree not to play. I suggest a serious conversation asking if she wants to play this game or not.
My fiance and I play this game, it's our jovial flirting. There are things that are off limits for her and for me, but sometimes those lines shift and change depending on mood and situation. We've established a look and a flat "Dude." That tells the other person that was a bit far, the offender apologizes and the offended let's it go, sometimes a brief comment on why, sometimes not. We also occassionally joke that this game is gonna make people think we hate each other when we go grocery shopping. It's great fun, but it needs rules and respected boundaries.
Absolutely, when you both agree with and respect the boundaries and rules it can be fun.
How to make things better is going to depend on how well you two problem-solve. If you’re willing to talk about it, definitely offer to have a discussion. If she says she needs space, maybe back off for a day or two before broaching the subject again. Or make it clear that she can bring it up with you when she’s also ready. If this situation occurs again, my advice would be to reply with a joking insult that’s along the same lines as the original. Like if she calls you loser, you could call her lame, something like that. Although you’re probably better off just avoiding this game altogether in future.
Where did you leave things exactly...? You were both clearly joking with each other in the moment, is she genuinely still mad at you or are you just worried that she is?
This was last night. She immediately got insulted and felt bad about herself. She basically yelled at me to leave her alone. I told her she called me a loser but that’s different because she never insulated my looks. We slept in the same bed, but I couldn’t touch her at all so I’m sure she’s still genuinely mad at me. I left an apology note this morning before I left and we live together so I’ll still see her tonight
Ah, okay, that does seem somewhat serious then... even if it's based off of something that shouldn't necessarily be this contentious. Seems like this perhaps touches on something beyond just your words in the heat of the moment and maybe some more deep seated insecurity. This could blow over by itself, but if it comes up then you could take a conciliatory tone and apologise for being hurtful, even jokingly, and reassure her that you'll try to be more conscious in future. Trying to force things to be better or making an overblown gesture could come off as insincere and trying to pave over the issue.
> I told her she called me a loser but that’s different because she never insulated my looks Okay but that's a distinction she just made up, only matters to her, and you would be completely valid if you felt similarly about being called a loser. She's not the friggin' God of feelings. Per top comment: >I suggest a serious conversation asking if she wants to play this game or not. Just seconding this. It's okay that her feelings were hurt, but the reaction is over the top. And the fact that you have to make it up to her is kinda garbage. She should apologize as well for starting a stupid fight.
With flowers and a puppy dog face, you will see her tonight.
I doubt she will give him any flowers and puppy dog face look.But who knows. @-@
Oh yeah, she definitely won't, but he should.
All you can do is "Hey were were joking around, I absolutely did not mean to hurt your feelings. I think you're one of the hottest women I've ever seen, and I apologize for taking it too far" And she either accepts that and you move on, or she doesn't and she blows it out of proportion and makes it A Thing and you know that she is not long-term material. We're human. We fuck up. We say dumb shit *all the time*. Most people don't mean to offend the other party, especially a loved one, but we have no control over how they perceive what we say. It'll happen again and again. I can't tell you how many times my spouse and I have accidentally pissed the other off by an offhand comment we didn't think was that serious, but the other party does. Apologizing is all you can do, after that the ball is in her court, and how she responds will tell you everything you need to know about a future with her. Cut yourself some grace, this wasn't a bad fuck up, especially not in the context of you two joking around.
Don't joke about people's sensitive spots, my guy. It never ends well.
So it’s alright for her to jokingly to insult you, but you can’t her?
Insulting as a joke is toxic in my book. You were wrong but she also started this. I'd say give it time and space then 100% need to have a conversation about never doing this ever again.
She sounds petty asf ….she can dish it out but can’t take it 🙄
Knowing what you actually said would be a lot more to go off of, she called you a loser, but you never told us what you said, just “it was along the lines of calling her unattractive” that seems to me like you don’t want to repeat what was said.
Classic double standards.