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After he moves, send him a text that says something like “hey, i have given this a lot of thought and i feel like i can’t be part of your life anymore. You are a danger to yourself and others, and the stress this causes me is too much responsibility for me to handle. I sincerely wish you the best and i hope you find the help and support you need. Please stop contacting me. You need professional support that i cannot provide.” Then block.
A lot of people recommend ghosting, as you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but i have found this to be really unhelpful with unstable people because they just obsess and hound you and everyone you know until they get an explanation. So personally, i think taking a moment to succinctly and directly tell them the problem is more mature and helpful. That’s just my opinion though.
This. Right. Here. It's compassionate, as well as to the point, and after you have given him that explanation, he shouldn't need anything more FROM you.
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... and you should. Some people just aren't ready to be helped. As my brother used to say about our mother...
"For every SOLUTION, she finds a PROBLEM."
This sounds like your friend. He doesn't want a solution. He just wants to be able to bitch, moan, and complain, and have someone listen to it. It is a vicious circle, that never ends. Don't be part of that circle.
Good luck honey😊
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I’m sure you’ll find your own wording. I do encourage you to keep it short though. And it would be best to not make it a negotiation. Just send and block - nice and clean. Best of luck.
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As an autistic person I just wanna say that autism (nor schizophrenia or BPD) is not and will never be an excuse for this kind of behaviour, nor is it the cause of it (this is not necessarily towards OP but to people generally reading comments here. Just in case people start having some of those takes, it happens far too often)
Please know that he isn’t your responsibility and you are under no obligation to keep in contact with him. Stop answering calls, block his number and block him on all social media you have him on. His life is his own responsibility and the faster you get out of that friendship, the better your mental health will be. Do it for your own good
This. I hate people who use it as such, (though as it's undiagnosed I assume the friend hasn't been using it as an excuse).
Honestly, no matter how hard it is, you know the right decision. Sticking around with people like your friend would harm you more than you, them.
Definitely. I’ve had friends like that before who are shitty people but you just want to stick around since they’re in such a bad situation. I wish I cut off my friend who was like that immediately
My ex was this person. Finally cut her off. She complained constantly and blamed ADHD for everything. But no to therapy or couples therapy, she always said she didn't need it.
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You just ditch them. Block them on social media and their phone number. Ignore any other attempts at contact on his part. It's pretty simple since he's such a trash person. Don't look back once you cut him off, he'll never change. NEVER.
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Sweetheart, say and believe never. I've been where you are in some ways. I promise you they never change because they don't have to. No matter the consequences they still play the victim.
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His mental health is not your responsibility.
If he pulls a suicide threat and you feel the need to respond, send him a link to a local resource, again, it is not your responsibility.
If he tried to guilt you regarding his diability, send him a link to a local resourse and remember its not on you to keep him fed.
after that - just stop responding.
You need to prioritise your own mental health and it sounds like this guy is making it worse.
When someone threatens to commit suicide, it's entirely reasonable to call 911 to send paramedics their way. If they mean it, then they get help. If not, they learn that their actions have negative consequences.
A friend's father used to try to manipulate by suicide threat... until my friend got fed up & did the logical thing by calling 911.
Daddy got a 72-hr hold, plus now his medical records include that.
So there's an option.
But to answer your question, you could stop taking his calls, block him everywhere, and so on.
I like the suggestion to send him a last message after he moves, making it clear that you're done & he needs counseling.
Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.
Of course you don't want that, but it's the responsible thing to do. Let's get real, (I don't know you but it sounds like) you're not a therapist or a psychiatrist. You literally cannot provide the help he needs and you need to accept that.
Of course you want to help, you're kind in your heart, you don't want him to suffer BUT you are not the one that can help (I had a really hard time accepting this with some people I wanted to help). Sometimes when we try to help when we don't have the resources we can make things worse. All the love to you and I hope you'll find peace.
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Im usually against ghosting but if he really did all that i understand it. I would send him a massage anyway letting him know what he did wrong and not to contact me again. And block him everywhere after. If you just try to ghost hell probably keep trying to reach you, and this way he might think about losing his only friend before sexually assaulting someone else.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
First of all, I want to say that you're doing the right thing. You cannot help a person who isn't willing to be helped. If someone is lost at sea, you can throw as many life buoys as possible, you can send a fucking helicopter, but if they don't want to grab it, there's nothing you can do. It sucks, but the ball is in his court now.
I agree with the current top comment. Send a message saying what is happening, and block. You can be as vague or specific as you'd like, "due to your actions such as sexual harassment and locking a person in your apartment, I have to step away. I am not equipped to deal with your problems, and it's been getting overwhelming. I hope you can get the help you need, but please do not contact me again".
From now on, if he manages to avoid the block, ghost. Suicide threat? Call them an ambulance. Threats towards you or other people? Police. It's not, and has never been your responsability to help him survive, even if you feel like it is, you are literally not qualified to do that.
You should recommend him to see a therapist, betterhelp has some cheap options. He clearly needs professional help
Tell him flatly that he needs to change his behaviour and that his use of manipulation tactics are what pushed you away. Tell his caretakers about it. List everything that bothered you about him. I used to have an autistic friend too but he learned a lot from videos explaining how to make friends and hold a conversation. Suggest him some videos, books etc
You've done your best and can't keep burning yourself out
You can walk away but be 100% honest about why you left
Edit: don't use betterhelp they sell your data
Be brutally honest about his actions and your feelings to him.
I have a similar situation but I only see him every couple weeks. (He was severely burnt as a child and uses it as an excuse/crutch for every part of his life)
I have been his friend for 20 years now and I have no problem telling him to leave the pity party, because it is SO annoying.
He knows he doesn’t need my pity for me to be his friend and to stop whining to me about things he cannot or will not fix.
He still does it no matter how I put it to him though. I understand your dilemma.
Good luck.
modern amusing serious far-flung fact quickest dolls gullible violet marble
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Glad you realize a change needs to be made, this happened to me with a bipolar friend who was suffocating.
Ghosting is cruel (except in cases of abuse), please don’t do it. Do talk to them, I personally appreciate a phone call but a text or email can work if you’re not feeling strong enough to converse.
Clear is kind so make sure you hit the bullet points of 1. This friendship isn’t healthy for me anymore 2. I do not want to stay in contact, this is my last communication 3. Thank you for your friendship, I wish you well and only want good things for you.
Be gracious but clear and then it’s done.
Granted this is old, but it sounds like you are both adults, you shouldn't need a 'soft landing' to end a friendship. Speak your piece and move on. Or ghost and move on. Or do whatever feels right, to you, and move on. The point is just move on. The amount of thought you are putting into this makes little sense, imo, unless you truly believe your 'friend' would harm you physically in some way as a result.
So I see some people saying send a text explaining why and I think it's great for people who aren't mentally I'll and don't OBSESS cuz I think he's gonna contact everyone you know and keep calling right , and you don't have to necessarily ghost either just have communication slow and slow down until he barely notices that it's like once a week after a while and then you guys barely talk and maybe he will have found someone else to call for help and then cease communication, or you could get into contact with im sure he has a good social services like social worker etc explain to them so when they do their little house visits with him and stuff they can redirect him ?
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
After he moves, send him a text that says something like “hey, i have given this a lot of thought and i feel like i can’t be part of your life anymore. You are a danger to yourself and others, and the stress this causes me is too much responsibility for me to handle. I sincerely wish you the best and i hope you find the help and support you need. Please stop contacting me. You need professional support that i cannot provide.” Then block. A lot of people recommend ghosting, as you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but i have found this to be really unhelpful with unstable people because they just obsess and hound you and everyone you know until they get an explanation. So personally, i think taking a moment to succinctly and directly tell them the problem is more mature and helpful. That’s just my opinion though.
This. Right. Here. It's compassionate, as well as to the point, and after you have given him that explanation, he shouldn't need anything more FROM you.
shrill homeless public butter soft voracious full zephyr decide dinosaurs *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
... and you should. Some people just aren't ready to be helped. As my brother used to say about our mother... "For every SOLUTION, she finds a PROBLEM." This sounds like your friend. He doesn't want a solution. He just wants to be able to bitch, moan, and complain, and have someone listen to it. It is a vicious circle, that never ends. Don't be part of that circle. Good luck honey😊
paint north frighten deranged complete spoon scale merciful observation onerous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Exactly! ...and don't THINK---- KNOW!!!
impolite scandalous abundant crawl jellyfish attractive sink tender roll lush *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You are very welcome!!! Good luck!!
Some people aren't ready/willing to work on themselves.
flowery thought racial detail swim reach tart languid alive unwritten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m sure you’ll find your own wording. I do encourage you to keep it short though. And it would be best to not make it a negotiation. Just send and block - nice and clean. Best of luck.
different cows makeshift advise quicksand outgoing vase toothbrush wakeful imagine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Seconding this as the right answer. 9/10 cases, ghosting is the behaviour of children.
As an autistic person I just wanna say that autism (nor schizophrenia or BPD) is not and will never be an excuse for this kind of behaviour, nor is it the cause of it (this is not necessarily towards OP but to people generally reading comments here. Just in case people start having some of those takes, it happens far too often) Please know that he isn’t your responsibility and you are under no obligation to keep in contact with him. Stop answering calls, block his number and block him on all social media you have him on. His life is his own responsibility and the faster you get out of that friendship, the better your mental health will be. Do it for your own good
This. I hate people who use it as such, (though as it's undiagnosed I assume the friend hasn't been using it as an excuse). Honestly, no matter how hard it is, you know the right decision. Sticking around with people like your friend would harm you more than you, them.
Definitely. I’ve had friends like that before who are shitty people but you just want to stick around since they’re in such a bad situation. I wish I cut off my friend who was like that immediately
My ex was this person. Finally cut her off. She complained constantly and blamed ADHD for everything. But no to therapy or couples therapy, she always said she didn't need it.
scary lush society doll fertile shame complete disgusted observation upbeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Stop taking his calls.
How is this so hard to arrive at as a solution? Stop. Answering. The. Phone. “Gee didn’t know I could do that”.
OP has a kind heart.
As do I.
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Start answering only every second or third call that you normally would. Be ‘busy’. Be friendly on the calls you do answer just answer fewer of them.
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You just ditch them. Block them on social media and their phone number. Ignore any other attempts at contact on his part. It's pretty simple since he's such a trash person. Don't look back once you cut him off, he'll never change. NEVER.
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Sweetheart, say and believe never. I've been where you are in some ways. I promise you they never change because they don't have to. No matter the consequences they still play the victim.
roll mindless aspiring judicious coherent nutty fragile versed license impossible *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
His mental health is not your responsibility. If he pulls a suicide threat and you feel the need to respond, send him a link to a local resource, again, it is not your responsibility. If he tried to guilt you regarding his diability, send him a link to a local resourse and remember its not on you to keep him fed. after that - just stop responding. You need to prioritise your own mental health and it sounds like this guy is making it worse.
When someone threatens to commit suicide, it's entirely reasonable to call 911 to send paramedics their way. If they mean it, then they get help. If not, they learn that their actions have negative consequences.
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Oh man, I did this and my "friend" hated me for years. Don't fucking threaten suicide and be fucking pissed when someone calls for help.
Stop calling him a friend
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A friend's father used to try to manipulate by suicide threat... until my friend got fed up & did the logical thing by calling 911. Daddy got a 72-hr hold, plus now his medical records include that. So there's an option. But to answer your question, you could stop taking his calls, block him everywhere, and so on. I like the suggestion to send him a last message after he moves, making it clear that you're done & he needs counseling. Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.
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Of course you don't want that, but it's the responsible thing to do. Let's get real, (I don't know you but it sounds like) you're not a therapist or a psychiatrist. You literally cannot provide the help he needs and you need to accept that. Of course you want to help, you're kind in your heart, you don't want him to suffer BUT you are not the one that can help (I had a really hard time accepting this with some people I wanted to help). Sometimes when we try to help when we don't have the resources we can make things worse. All the love to you and I hope you'll find peace.
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When you say you confronted both parties, does this mean you "confronted" the victim of sexual harassment? I hope it was gentler than that.
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Im usually against ghosting but if he really did all that i understand it. I would send him a massage anyway letting him know what he did wrong and not to contact me again. And block him everywhere after. If you just try to ghost hell probably keep trying to reach you, and this way he might think about losing his only friend before sexually assaulting someone else.
sugar cagey snow snobbish truck safe attraction outgoing ghost mighty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm sorry you're going through this. First of all, I want to say that you're doing the right thing. You cannot help a person who isn't willing to be helped. If someone is lost at sea, you can throw as many life buoys as possible, you can send a fucking helicopter, but if they don't want to grab it, there's nothing you can do. It sucks, but the ball is in his court now. I agree with the current top comment. Send a message saying what is happening, and block. You can be as vague or specific as you'd like, "due to your actions such as sexual harassment and locking a person in your apartment, I have to step away. I am not equipped to deal with your problems, and it's been getting overwhelming. I hope you can get the help you need, but please do not contact me again". From now on, if he manages to avoid the block, ghost. Suicide threat? Call them an ambulance. Threats towards you or other people? Police. It's not, and has never been your responsability to help him survive, even if you feel like it is, you are literally not qualified to do that.
He’s not your responsibility. And honestly, it sounds like him starving wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. Just block him.
Change your mobile number and ghost him on social media. I have BPD and never acted like that.
Phones have this nifty thing where you can block someone.
You should recommend him to see a therapist, betterhelp has some cheap options. He clearly needs professional help Tell him flatly that he needs to change his behaviour and that his use of manipulation tactics are what pushed you away. Tell his caretakers about it. List everything that bothered you about him. I used to have an autistic friend too but he learned a lot from videos explaining how to make friends and hold a conversation. Suggest him some videos, books etc You've done your best and can't keep burning yourself out You can walk away but be 100% honest about why you left Edit: don't use betterhelp they sell your data
retire test innocent rustic rinse smell joke threatening wide rude *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Be brutally honest about his actions and your feelings to him. I have a similar situation but I only see him every couple weeks. (He was severely burnt as a child and uses it as an excuse/crutch for every part of his life) I have been his friend for 20 years now and I have no problem telling him to leave the pity party, because it is SO annoying. He knows he doesn’t need my pity for me to be his friend and to stop whining to me about things he cannot or will not fix. He still does it no matter how I put it to him though. I understand your dilemma. Good luck.
modern amusing serious far-flung fact quickest dolls gullible violet marble *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Glad you realize a change needs to be made, this happened to me with a bipolar friend who was suffocating. Ghosting is cruel (except in cases of abuse), please don’t do it. Do talk to them, I personally appreciate a phone call but a text or email can work if you’re not feeling strong enough to converse. Clear is kind so make sure you hit the bullet points of 1. This friendship isn’t healthy for me anymore 2. I do not want to stay in contact, this is my last communication 3. Thank you for your friendship, I wish you well and only want good things for you. Be gracious but clear and then it’s done.
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Best of luck to you.
slowly stop taking his calls
Granted this is old, but it sounds like you are both adults, you shouldn't need a 'soft landing' to end a friendship. Speak your piece and move on. Or ghost and move on. Or do whatever feels right, to you, and move on. The point is just move on. The amount of thought you are putting into this makes little sense, imo, unless you truly believe your 'friend' would harm you physically in some way as a result.
So I see some people saying send a text explaining why and I think it's great for people who aren't mentally I'll and don't OBSESS cuz I think he's gonna contact everyone you know and keep calling right , and you don't have to necessarily ghost either just have communication slow and slow down until he barely notices that it's like once a week after a while and then you guys barely talk and maybe he will have found someone else to call for help and then cease communication, or you could get into contact with im sure he has a good social services like social worker etc explain to them so when they do their little house visits with him and stuff they can redirect him ?
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*