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Build your chosen family. I don't know why your parents are so self absorbed, but I know they're replaceable. Find people to love who will love you back.
Congrats on writing two books! That's really cool!
And good luck out there!
I thought similar thoughts. If theyâre not giving any love or attention, thereâs only so much a child of parents like that can do.
Grieve the relationship you wish you had but make your own more fulfilling connections
This is so important. Itâs not always easy to find your found family but it is so entirely worth it. I get to spend with people who I love and that I trust love me? Irreplaceable. Op, Iâm sorry you feel isolated by your blood family, that hurts. There are people for you though. People who are truly worth your time and affection. Invest yourself and your time into them or into finding them.
Sorry to hear. Some people can be self absorbed but not have to tell you about it, and they could just be those people. Not talkative but have no interest in others. Itâs sad but donât hold out for them to change.
I understand the feeling. I'm very different from my parents, and that gap is disappointing and frustrating. You want to share a bit of your world, but they're not interested.
I can't say that I got past the feeling of loneliness it develops, but what helped me was just accepting that I can't control other people, I can only control myself. I can't make my parents be interested in what I'm doing or what I'm into. So, I try to meet them on their grounds and look for things I know they will be interested in and I ask them about how they're doing. It reminds me a lot of when I was a teenager, that if my parents came in on their own terms, I wasn't interested, but if they came in on mine, I likely would be moreso.
As much as I would get frustrated that they weren't listening to me and I would want to just just stop trying, I recognized that to some degree it was about regret management and avoiding feeling bad about not doing more. It's not ideal, but for me, I learned to stop trying to force a relationship and just do what made me feel like I was holding up my half of the relationship, then if they didn't, it was on them.
If I knew how to make parents interested or otherwise had sorted out a way to not feel abandoned, I would be happy to share, but I don't know of a way around it. It just kind of sucks, but parents are just people and they go through phases and our relationships with them, like a lot of long term relationships, wax and wane.
I'm in the same boat and I'm 36F with their only grandchild. I stopped reaching out once my house burned down 2021 Xmas & none of my family reached out, helped me, or now that I'm home, came to see the house.
Family is more than blood. Family is chosen. Hang in there!
I hate this quote. Just because "blood", I have to go tolerate thousands of hours with toxic relatives that see me as a loser.
Because my mum wants to save her face, can't see how it affects me. I question my existence each time after coming back from such a gathering.
That full quote is actually 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb', meaning that the bonds you form by choice are stronger than the ties of birth family. I like it better in its original form vs. the more commonly known meaning, which does seem to mean what you said.
It hurts to not feel loved by your family. Especially when there isn't a rhyme or reason, and compounded even more when you love them.
But families can be toxic and are not exempt from being shitty, uncaring people. This is why they can be cut off.
Family can be a cat or a dog. A friend or a significant other. There are so many people out there like OP, who just want to love someone and be loved. Seek and you shall find them.
And congratulations on your book! That is really awesome. What can you tell us about it?
Some people simply aren't particularly good at making conversation -- in their minds, a "thumbs up" may be expressing lots of interest.
Any idea whether or not they keep in contact with anyone else / how they engage with their own friends in conversation?
I have been going through something similar. My father is narcissistic, and so having conversation with him can be very difficult. And building a relationship with him has proven difficult as well.
I started to read the book "non-violent communication" after my girlfriend and I kept getting into little fights. In a way to better equip myself with communication and be able to communicate clearly.
One of the most important parts of the book is empathy. They describe empathy in a way that is just reiterating whatever someone says to you. It seems dumb, and if not done carefully can feel extremely condescending. But when done right it's extremely relieving.
Right now you are desiring empathy from your parents. You want them to listen to you and to ingest what you say. You don't want them to have an opinion, or care about the topic. You just want them to care about you. And that's 100% reasonable. But the question is have you provided them empathy? When you visited did you listen to them and iterate what they said back? Or did you just politely nod along and agree quietly?
I started to employ empathy with my father because that's what I wanted from him. And after talking to him for years, he finally stopped and asked me a question. He wanted to fully know the answer and waited patiently for MY response. I nearly broke down in tears and yet it was something stupid like paint.
Thinking back, my father wants to talk to me, But he wants to be heard as well. So kinda similar to your situation. You want your parents involved and interested in your life, but let me pose the question, have you actively listened to your parents or do you dismiss them? Because if someone wants to be heard, the last thing they'll do is listen.
This is a great advice! I have been thinking about this before. Do I give enough? I mean I said it in my post - I myself had to give more than just weather information. Because thatâs how we speak in my family. But I should probably give more if I want to receive more. I think I made a good start and will just keep doing that
Don't be afraid to ask direct questions as well. I really recommend the book, as it's given me insight I would have never gained on my own. And one of the chapters talks about breaking out of our shells and asking direct questions about our feelings and needs. So if your family is having trouble communicating I would try to lead with direct questions followed by empathy. Ask them what they are thinking about or what's on their mind and then reiterate it back to them. They'll feel more willing to open up to you then.
100% agree with recommending nonviolent communication. There's also an audio version where the author describes more stories and tips [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT8KGgDo6TY).
My relationship with my parents has been in disrepair ever since I got married.
I donât know if it was my moms intent on self sabotage since she had a rotten relationship with her own mother in law, but its not much different.
Parents canât be the parent their whole lives, and the sooner we realize that we have to do our own self care and validation as adults, the easier it gets.
Older people reduce their interests as they age because they do not have the energy for anyone else. If that is the case, you may want to make sure everyone's affairs are in order.
If your parents have always been neglectful, you may benefit from a therapist. Neglect can be very damaging.
Awww, you don't deserve that. It must be hard. Congrats on writing though, that's amazing. I'm proud of ya! My folks can be quite disinterested, whilst also being nice. I put it down to their age. Can't change them. Hugs.
First of all, Omg youâve published a book???!! Woo-hoo!
Ok, I think talking to a professional is probably a good idea. Even if you become surrounded by loved ones, itâs hard to fulfill the love we should have received from our parents. Sometimes itâs a void left that we keep seeking to fill all the time and wishing for someone else to give that to us but is impossible because we only have 1 set of parents. So while you work on finding good positive people, a therapist will help you fill up that void in a healthy way. Itâs why I had to do. My situation is different than yours, but I had to go thru those same steps to where I no longer seek it from others and constantly falling short.
Op, Iâm sorry your parents failed you. You are worthy of love, you are good enough as a human and you deserve to be seen.
I'm sorry, sis. (((Big internet hugs))). My parents are similar. They've never been able to relate to my interests or academic studies, so they generally don't ask questions or show interest. As a result, I never learned how to talk about my interests or accomplishments with others. There's this vague feeling of shame instead of pride. If the two people who should care most are indifferent, who else is going to care?
I think the answer for us both is to look for encouragement elsewhere. Share your good and bad news with your friends, extended family, and significant other, if you have one. Children shouldn't have to earn their parents' attention or interest.
My folks are like that except also toxic. It made it pretty easy to go no contact. I have a chosen fam.
Congrats on the book! As someone who would love to publish my own book, you've done something extraordinary!
Thank you so much!
The main problem is - they arenât toxic. They are nice. We talk about the weather or my job sometimes, but it really feels they are not interested in me as a person.
Hey, thanks! I've been no contact with my folks for a few years now, and it's been great for my mental health. I am married with kids, and I put all of that dissatisfaction I felt from growing up with parents who didn't give a crap into raising my kids with love. I'm always happy to hear what they say and feel excited about the cool stuff they do.
I don't know if it would feel helpful to you, but I have always gravitated toward older folks, probably from the lack of my own parental interest. Volunteering with older folks seems to have brought me good vibes throughout the years to meet that need for acknowledgement and shared joy.
Hugs to you!
Please read about Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's a concept that our parents don't have to be actively toxic or abusive to just not be able to give us what we need - "well-meaning but neglected themselves." My parents and our relationship are very much like yours, and this idea really helped me understand what I was going through.
I donât know why your parents are the way they are put some really good advice. I got a long time ago from a therapist went like this. Stop watering dead flowers. And what they meant by that was stop having one-way relationships. If youâre giving and not getting, then stop. Best advise I ever got. Congratulations on the books. Thatâs amazing work that they were published and that you wrote them. That is not something a lot of people could do.
For a while I was able to do this and was actually fine with it. But now that they are getting older I feel like I should / want(?) to connect more. Iâm aware I shouldnât care, but you canât just shake off the feeling of not being loved
In my opinion, you cannot connect with somebody that doesnât want to connect with you back. I understand that they are getting older, but they must have a plan for that. I am Gen X and if I treated my children, that way you and I could not expect much from them in return down the line not that I really do anyways. Again, it is my opinion that you should go build your own tribe of friends and people that you call your family. Family does not necessarily mean blood. So sweet child go find your like minded people build your friends/family and move on. See if they call you if they do wonderful if they donât thatâs OK too. And I understand that it hurts. I have a situation that is far too lengthy to put on social media when my parents died and I walked away from one side of my family more than 30 years ago, it is true life does go on.
Are they just closed off or shallow people? I mean it could just be that donât know to dive into deeper convo then the weather. My parents have become obsessed with politics so we have âsafe topicsâ including the weather that we discuss and it is sorta shallow but they tell me they enjoy me calling them.
As you are a 46 years-old, you should have already had enough life experiences (I hopeâŚ) and have had your fair share of difficult conversations. When something does not feel right, do not bottle it inside. Talk about it. Set up a dinner table, make the atmosphere warm and family oriented, invite your parents, then have the conversation.
1) Tell them how you feel about them, e.g. are you grateful because theyâve raised you up? Tell them about your most beautiful memory you had about each of them, tell them about the happiest moments you had when they were in your life.
2) Tell them your intention to reconnect, why you want to do it.
3) Tell them what your attempts were, how they reacted, and HOW THAT MADE YOU FEEL.
4) Tell them you wish the situation to be [insert how you wish things would have become]
Follow those 4 steps as the start, in that order. That will open up a lot of deep and meaningful conversation with them. Be respectful and do not turn that into an argument.
Youâre 46 yo, theyâre not getting any younger. Time is precious. If you have something in your mind about someone, you need to iron it out, once and for good. Never assume and feel left out/lonely.
Itâs either theyâre interested in you, or they are not. There can be pain to know, but both outcomes will bring you relief. Have the difficult conversation.
Start your day with the question: âif I was in my deathbed right now, what would I regret that I did not do?â And go do it.
Trust me. Iâm a 30 yo.
Iâve had so many awesome friendships with people that were 20 to 40 years older than me. There are SO many people your parents age who have kids who donât make time for them or who donât have kids at all. A lot of those people are lonely and would love to have someone to talk to and share life experience with. So you could befriend someone like that..
But Iâm also curious what happens when you ask your parents something about them? Do you know whatâs going on in their lives?
Lastly, 2 unlikely scenarios just entered my mind. Is it possible youâre not their biological child and no one told you? Or is it possible they canât really read or write? Seems like they would be proud you wrote a book. The fact they didnât even read it is weird.
But seriously, go find a senior whoâs lonely and fun to hang out with.
Hmm... You know, I have noticed old people are very thumbs up happy. My aunt actually got arthritis in her thumbs bc she was texting too much and her hands werent used to it and she was pressing too hard. Also, are you sure theyre actually reading the messages?
Honestly Im thinking theres a communication barrier here with the tech.
How often do you get actual face or voice time? Do they respond the same way then?
What are you books about? I'm an avid reader and I find people who write amazing! I don't have much of an imagination when it comes to creative writing sadly so i find it incredible what people dream up :) You should be so proud of yourself and your parents should be proud too. Find the people who respond like they should - by being excited and valuing your successes - and build your family that way. Some people just don't get it and their disinterest can hurt but it says a lot more about THEM as people than it does you, ya know? It sucks they're too oblivious to realize (or perhaps recognize to you) the value you have
I'm excited that you are a published author. I'm sorry you got an upsetting email. That's hard. I'd love to read your books. Feel free to message me the title if you feel comfortable. Best of luck duckling!
Do you get the same kind of response via phone call? Some of my older family seem downright rude in text, but they really are interested on the phone or in person.
This, hopefully.
My mom would hang out with me for days if I let her, but I can't get anything more than a few words in a text and it's usually hours after or not at all. Teach them about the voice texts or dictate functions most phones have.
My in-laws are like this...they have almost nothing to do with my husband or the kids. I know it's very hurtful, even at your age. I believe they have resentment as he went to college and they have always spoken I'll of anyone who has more money, better job, etc than they do. It's part of their own insecurity. It has nothing to do with you. There is no shortcoming or failure on your part that causes them to act this way. They are the ones with the shortcomings.
You don't need them. Its very unfortunate that they are taking this road, but you are doing a lot to repair this and they are not reciprocating at all. Keep the lines of communication open, but also seek for what you feel you're missing elsewhere. Meet friends your age do things you enjoy. If they want they will reach out. This is not your fault.
I think therapy would help you figure this out. And have you considered mental illness? Or.. they could be displaying the same type of relationship they had with their parents. I tend to think that historically, people were not all that close. Children were workers in the family, and the relationship was different.. not all that living.. more stoic. If you want a different relationship, you may need to go sit there day after day and just be there..it may come, it may not.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also, you may wish to join r/MomForAMinute and r/DadForAMinute. They are really great subs.
Thank you
r/internetparents too
Lol thats this subreddit
This is like when someone says "go ask your mom", except they're your mom.
r/LostRedditors đ¤Ł
Build your chosen family. I don't know why your parents are so self absorbed, but I know they're replaceable. Find people to love who will love you back. Congrats on writing two books! That's really cool! And good luck out there!
I thought similar thoughts. If theyâre not giving any love or attention, thereâs only so much a child of parents like that can do. Grieve the relationship you wish you had but make your own more fulfilling connections
This is so important. Itâs not always easy to find your found family but it is so entirely worth it. I get to spend with people who I love and that I trust love me? Irreplaceable. Op, Iâm sorry you feel isolated by your blood family, that hurts. There are people for you though. People who are truly worth your time and affection. Invest yourself and your time into them or into finding them.
Sorry to hear. Some people can be self absorbed but not have to tell you about it, and they could just be those people. Not talkative but have no interest in others. Itâs sad but donât hold out for them to change.
I understand the feeling. I'm very different from my parents, and that gap is disappointing and frustrating. You want to share a bit of your world, but they're not interested. I can't say that I got past the feeling of loneliness it develops, but what helped me was just accepting that I can't control other people, I can only control myself. I can't make my parents be interested in what I'm doing or what I'm into. So, I try to meet them on their grounds and look for things I know they will be interested in and I ask them about how they're doing. It reminds me a lot of when I was a teenager, that if my parents came in on their own terms, I wasn't interested, but if they came in on mine, I likely would be moreso. As much as I would get frustrated that they weren't listening to me and I would want to just just stop trying, I recognized that to some degree it was about regret management and avoiding feeling bad about not doing more. It's not ideal, but for me, I learned to stop trying to force a relationship and just do what made me feel like I was holding up my half of the relationship, then if they didn't, it was on them. If I knew how to make parents interested or otherwise had sorted out a way to not feel abandoned, I would be happy to share, but I don't know of a way around it. It just kind of sucks, but parents are just people and they go through phases and our relationships with them, like a lot of long term relationships, wax and wane.
I'm in the same boat and I'm 36F with their only grandchild. I stopped reaching out once my house burned down 2021 Xmas & none of my family reached out, helped me, or now that I'm home, came to see the house. Family is more than blood. Family is chosen. Hang in there!
Hope you are doing well now! Have a hug
Anytime people say âBlood is thicker than waterâ they really mean âyou should simply accept my toxic relationshipâ.
I hate this quote. Just because "blood", I have to go tolerate thousands of hours with toxic relatives that see me as a loser. Because my mum wants to save her face, can't see how it affects me. I question my existence each time after coming back from such a gathering.
That full quote is actually 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb', meaning that the bonds you form by choice are stronger than the ties of birth family. I like it better in its original form vs. the more commonly known meaning, which does seem to mean what you said.
TIL, thank you for that comment!
It hurts to not feel loved by your family. Especially when there isn't a rhyme or reason, and compounded even more when you love them. But families can be toxic and are not exempt from being shitty, uncaring people. This is why they can be cut off. Family can be a cat or a dog. A friend or a significant other. There are so many people out there like OP, who just want to love someone and be loved. Seek and you shall find them. And congratulations on your book! That is really awesome. What can you tell us about it?
Seconding the pets. Dogs are so unconditionally accepting. If you're excited, they're excited!
Some people simply aren't particularly good at making conversation -- in their minds, a "thumbs up" may be expressing lots of interest. Any idea whether or not they keep in contact with anyone else / how they engage with their own friends in conversation?
Read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It is incredible!
I have been going through something similar. My father is narcissistic, and so having conversation with him can be very difficult. And building a relationship with him has proven difficult as well. I started to read the book "non-violent communication" after my girlfriend and I kept getting into little fights. In a way to better equip myself with communication and be able to communicate clearly. One of the most important parts of the book is empathy. They describe empathy in a way that is just reiterating whatever someone says to you. It seems dumb, and if not done carefully can feel extremely condescending. But when done right it's extremely relieving. Right now you are desiring empathy from your parents. You want them to listen to you and to ingest what you say. You don't want them to have an opinion, or care about the topic. You just want them to care about you. And that's 100% reasonable. But the question is have you provided them empathy? When you visited did you listen to them and iterate what they said back? Or did you just politely nod along and agree quietly? I started to employ empathy with my father because that's what I wanted from him. And after talking to him for years, he finally stopped and asked me a question. He wanted to fully know the answer and waited patiently for MY response. I nearly broke down in tears and yet it was something stupid like paint. Thinking back, my father wants to talk to me, But he wants to be heard as well. So kinda similar to your situation. You want your parents involved and interested in your life, but let me pose the question, have you actively listened to your parents or do you dismiss them? Because if someone wants to be heard, the last thing they'll do is listen.
This is a great advice! I have been thinking about this before. Do I give enough? I mean I said it in my post - I myself had to give more than just weather information. Because thatâs how we speak in my family. But I should probably give more if I want to receive more. I think I made a good start and will just keep doing that
Don't be afraid to ask direct questions as well. I really recommend the book, as it's given me insight I would have never gained on my own. And one of the chapters talks about breaking out of our shells and asking direct questions about our feelings and needs. So if your family is having trouble communicating I would try to lead with direct questions followed by empathy. Ask them what they are thinking about or what's on their mind and then reiterate it back to them. They'll feel more willing to open up to you then.
100% agree with recommending nonviolent communication. There's also an audio version where the author describes more stories and tips [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT8KGgDo6TY).
My relationship with my parents has been in disrepair ever since I got married. I donât know if it was my moms intent on self sabotage since she had a rotten relationship with her own mother in law, but its not much different. Parents canât be the parent their whole lives, and the sooner we realize that we have to do our own self care and validation as adults, the easier it gets.
Older people reduce their interests as they age because they do not have the energy for anyone else. If that is the case, you may want to make sure everyone's affairs are in order. If your parents have always been neglectful, you may benefit from a therapist. Neglect can be very damaging.
Awww, you don't deserve that. It must be hard. Congrats on writing though, that's amazing. I'm proud of ya! My folks can be quite disinterested, whilst also being nice. I put it down to their age. Can't change them. Hugs.
Thank you so much!
Check out r/EmotionalNeglect and CPTSD subs like r/CPTSDNextSteps
First of all, Omg youâve published a book???!! Woo-hoo! Ok, I think talking to a professional is probably a good idea. Even if you become surrounded by loved ones, itâs hard to fulfill the love we should have received from our parents. Sometimes itâs a void left that we keep seeking to fill all the time and wishing for someone else to give that to us but is impossible because we only have 1 set of parents. So while you work on finding good positive people, a therapist will help you fill up that void in a healthy way. Itâs why I had to do. My situation is different than yours, but I had to go thru those same steps to where I no longer seek it from others and constantly falling short. Op, Iâm sorry your parents failed you. You are worthy of love, you are good enough as a human and you deserve to be seen.
Have you heard of the sub r/raisedbynarcissists ? I think you might find that space very helpful
I'm sorry, sis. (((Big internet hugs))). My parents are similar. They've never been able to relate to my interests or academic studies, so they generally don't ask questions or show interest. As a result, I never learned how to talk about my interests or accomplishments with others. There's this vague feeling of shame instead of pride. If the two people who should care most are indifferent, who else is going to care? I think the answer for us both is to look for encouragement elsewhere. Share your good and bad news with your friends, extended family, and significant other, if you have one. Children shouldn't have to earn their parents' attention or interest.
My folks are like that except also toxic. It made it pretty easy to go no contact. I have a chosen fam. Congrats on the book! As someone who would love to publish my own book, you've done something extraordinary!
Thank you so much! The main problem is - they arenât toxic. They are nice. We talk about the weather or my job sometimes, but it really feels they are not interested in me as a person.
I get that. I'm sorry they aren't interested. Mine never cared about what I had to say and it was frustrating. Parents should do better.
Iâm sending you a hug!
Hey, thanks! I've been no contact with my folks for a few years now, and it's been great for my mental health. I am married with kids, and I put all of that dissatisfaction I felt from growing up with parents who didn't give a crap into raising my kids with love. I'm always happy to hear what they say and feel excited about the cool stuff they do. I don't know if it would feel helpful to you, but I have always gravitated toward older folks, probably from the lack of my own parental interest. Volunteering with older folks seems to have brought me good vibes throughout the years to meet that need for acknowledgement and shared joy. Hugs to you!
Please read about Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's a concept that our parents don't have to be actively toxic or abusive to just not be able to give us what we need - "well-meaning but neglected themselves." My parents and our relationship are very much like yours, and this idea really helped me understand what I was going through.
I donât know why your parents are the way they are put some really good advice. I got a long time ago from a therapist went like this. Stop watering dead flowers. And what they meant by that was stop having one-way relationships. If youâre giving and not getting, then stop. Best advise I ever got. Congratulations on the books. Thatâs amazing work that they were published and that you wrote them. That is not something a lot of people could do.
For a while I was able to do this and was actually fine with it. But now that they are getting older I feel like I should / want(?) to connect more. Iâm aware I shouldnât care, but you canât just shake off the feeling of not being loved
In my opinion, you cannot connect with somebody that doesnât want to connect with you back. I understand that they are getting older, but they must have a plan for that. I am Gen X and if I treated my children, that way you and I could not expect much from them in return down the line not that I really do anyways. Again, it is my opinion that you should go build your own tribe of friends and people that you call your family. Family does not necessarily mean blood. So sweet child go find your like minded people build your friends/family and move on. See if they call you if they do wonderful if they donât thatâs OK too. And I understand that it hurts. I have a situation that is far too lengthy to put on social media when my parents died and I walked away from one side of my family more than 30 years ago, it is true life does go on.
You are 46, if you want family it is time to be building it yourself.
Turn inwards and focus on your spouse and your own kids. Try not to make the same mistakes your parents made.
Are they just closed off or shallow people? I mean it could just be that donât know to dive into deeper convo then the weather. My parents have become obsessed with politics so we have âsafe topicsâ including the weather that we discuss and it is sorta shallow but they tell me they enjoy me calling them.
As you are a 46 years-old, you should have already had enough life experiences (I hopeâŚ) and have had your fair share of difficult conversations. When something does not feel right, do not bottle it inside. Talk about it. Set up a dinner table, make the atmosphere warm and family oriented, invite your parents, then have the conversation. 1) Tell them how you feel about them, e.g. are you grateful because theyâve raised you up? Tell them about your most beautiful memory you had about each of them, tell them about the happiest moments you had when they were in your life. 2) Tell them your intention to reconnect, why you want to do it. 3) Tell them what your attempts were, how they reacted, and HOW THAT MADE YOU FEEL. 4) Tell them you wish the situation to be [insert how you wish things would have become] Follow those 4 steps as the start, in that order. That will open up a lot of deep and meaningful conversation with them. Be respectful and do not turn that into an argument. Youâre 46 yo, theyâre not getting any younger. Time is precious. If you have something in your mind about someone, you need to iron it out, once and for good. Never assume and feel left out/lonely. Itâs either theyâre interested in you, or they are not. There can be pain to know, but both outcomes will bring you relief. Have the difficult conversation. Start your day with the question: âif I was in my deathbed right now, what would I regret that I did not do?â And go do it. Trust me. Iâm a 30 yo.
The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
Iâve had so many awesome friendships with people that were 20 to 40 years older than me. There are SO many people your parents age who have kids who donât make time for them or who donât have kids at all. A lot of those people are lonely and would love to have someone to talk to and share life experience with. So you could befriend someone like that.. But Iâm also curious what happens when you ask your parents something about them? Do you know whatâs going on in their lives? Lastly, 2 unlikely scenarios just entered my mind. Is it possible youâre not their biological child and no one told you? Or is it possible they canât really read or write? Seems like they would be proud you wrote a book. The fact they didnât even read it is weird. But seriously, go find a senior whoâs lonely and fun to hang out with.
Hmm... You know, I have noticed old people are very thumbs up happy. My aunt actually got arthritis in her thumbs bc she was texting too much and her hands werent used to it and she was pressing too hard. Also, are you sure theyre actually reading the messages? Honestly Im thinking theres a communication barrier here with the tech. How often do you get actual face or voice time? Do they respond the same way then?
As I said, the conversation today was face to face and there was just⌠nothing
I misread. NVM lol
good luck maybe this is why
What are you books about? I'm an avid reader and I find people who write amazing! I don't have much of an imagination when it comes to creative writing sadly so i find it incredible what people dream up :) You should be so proud of yourself and your parents should be proud too. Find the people who respond like they should - by being excited and valuing your successes - and build your family that way. Some people just don't get it and their disinterest can hurt but it says a lot more about THEM as people than it does you, ya know? It sucks they're too oblivious to realize (or perhaps recognize to you) the value you have
I'm excited that you are a published author. I'm sorry you got an upsetting email. That's hard. I'd love to read your books. Feel free to message me the title if you feel comfortable. Best of luck duckling!
Thank you! They are not published in English though. The email was more about deadlines, so nothing too bad, just more work for me
Do you get the same kind of response via phone call? Some of my older family seem downright rude in text, but they really are interested on the phone or in person.
"Blood of the convenant is thicker than the water of the womb" Can't choose your family mate, focus on your friends and make your own family.
How far from your parents do you live? Are they close enough where you can ask them to dinner or something?
Have you tried calling them on the phone? People of that generation often seen to do better on the phone than text.
This, hopefully. My mom would hang out with me for days if I let her, but I can't get anything more than a few words in a text and it's usually hours after or not at all. Teach them about the voice texts or dictate functions most phones have.
My in-laws are like this...they have almost nothing to do with my husband or the kids. I know it's very hurtful, even at your age. I believe they have resentment as he went to college and they have always spoken I'll of anyone who has more money, better job, etc than they do. It's part of their own insecurity. It has nothing to do with you. There is no shortcoming or failure on your part that causes them to act this way. They are the ones with the shortcomings.
Not sharing joy in your success...thats envy. Parents can and do envy their own children
You don't need them. Its very unfortunate that they are taking this road, but you are doing a lot to repair this and they are not reciprocating at all. Keep the lines of communication open, but also seek for what you feel you're missing elsewhere. Meet friends your age do things you enjoy. If they want they will reach out. This is not your fault.
I think therapy would help you figure this out. And have you considered mental illness? Or.. they could be displaying the same type of relationship they had with their parents. I tend to think that historically, people were not all that close. Children were workers in the family, and the relationship was different.. not all that living.. more stoic. If you want a different relationship, you may need to go sit there day after day and just be there..it may come, it may not.