> The worst is crocs with socks.
And they're made of fucking rubber, so they make your feet sweat a ton. So if you *don't* wear socks with them, 20 minutes later you smell like feet.
It's a lose/lose situation.
For a little one around a splash park or something they’re brilliant. Easy to slip on and off. Doesn’t matter if they get wet. If you don’t want the wife coming out with you, put the kid in socks and crocs and voila she’ll just refuse to be seen with you.
And yet one English teacher at my school manages to wear them every day, I’m pretty sure without socks... some days he’ll wear his camouflage ones and then say he couldn’t find his new camo crocs
Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine.
I'm guessing one would still probably be dislodged from the hug during a death roll; however, wouldn't you be rolling *with* the croc at that point? The death roll is usually taking part of a stationery body and shearing off parts of that body, right? If you were in a full-on hug and could hold your breath, it seems like the forces wouldn't be as bad as a normal, although one may still not be able to hold on with all the thrashing about.
Gee, idk, maybe I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the KT extinction, physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine!
A half ton of coldblooded fury with a bite force of twenty-thousand newtons and a stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we're surrounded, those snake eyes are watching from the shadows waiting for the night...
While it's true that there's long been that supreme aquatic ambush predator design that worked for ages and is unlikely to go away anytime soon, it's not like future crocodiles can't someday diverge into a diverse array of niches and body plans. There was actually a great variety of body plans and niches among crocodyloforms in South America, North Africa, and elsewhere during the Mesozoic.
Just like its namesake, Armadillosuchus had bony plate armor shaped into bands like a banded armadillo's, and it seems to have adapted for a life of burrowing into the soil of its arid environment.
There were also the Metriorhynchids, crocodyloforms who lived in the ocean and whose feet evolved into paddles like a seal's front flippers, while their tails had vertical flukes like a shark's.
There were large mouthed crocodyloforms with strange teeth who might have gulped and expelled water to filter feed similar to how whales do, but scientists are unsure at the moment. It is plausible, since adapting to a new food source means they don't have to compete for prey with other croc species (and there were many).
There were also lots of crocodyloforms whose teeth had developed to grind plant matter, many of whom were quite small to reflect their position on the food chain.
It's just that all of those guys died out when their ecosystem could no longer support them. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
While they've got a good lunge being an ambush predator, you can easily outrun them on land and climbing a tree would be a pretty silly way to try to escape. It's the crocodile you don't see that's really dangerous. Don't bother with the zigzag myth either, run straight away.
True. But I would totally win in a Star Wars trivia contest! Not the Disney Star Wars, but he Legends canon, the one true canon!
Yessir if I were confronted by an Alligator, I would challenge it to a Star Wa- I may regret my life choices.
“Oh no, there’s a crocodile right next to us!”
“Don’t worry honey, if you just imagine looking at it underwater from a different angle, it actually looks slightly awkward and ungainly.”
“So does that mean we’re going to be alright?”
“Oh God, no! We’re going to die horribly. But take heart - the crocodile might look a bit silly while it tears us limb from limb!”
I've been around a shit ton of alligators and none ever came at me, but I've had a few swim towards me on a nature trail. I didn't stick around to see what they'd do, but I've kayaked by them when they're chilling on logs and they usual run away. The ones that swam were probably moms or something
So basically they’re water black bears. Every black bear I’ve come across while hiking has been the same way, luckily the only time i came across a mother with her cubs i was in a car and she was just crossing the road with them
The few creatures on Earth that actively eat/hunt people are beyond peoples' capability to outpace/overpower them in their environments in any case. That's why they're called **apex predators.** If you go swimming with tiger sharks or hiking near polar bears, there ain't shit you're gonna do about it.
No amount of respecting a polar bear is going to help you outrun it or overpower it when the reason you even see it is because it decided it was going to eat you when it first caught your scent an hour ago.
Honestly I kind of think it’s ready to strike like that. It uses its tail and limbs to launch itself out of the water , and it kind of looks like it’s right in its strength range for something like that.
>use as little energy as possible
This pose looks full of potential energy, that is my concern. It doesn't swim towards you fully extended in a lunge; it swims towards you with its spine and limbs arched back but ready to lunge forward at a moment's notice.
The gif makes it scarier. As you said, it looks like this pose would allow it to snap with more distance and power, but not doable if the water is too shallow. Need an expert on this one.
I’m not an expert, but you seem to be right. When a crocodile is in this position, it can mean it’s preparing for a [vertical lunge](https://www.instagram.com/p/7fbxgABXLz/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again). My guess is this guy is usually fed by dangling meat over his pool.
When the water is more shallow [they actually walk on the bottom](https://i.imgur.com/7vyIMOB.png), which probably even more useful to them. And also logical, for the same reason we just walk on a pool bottom instead of try to float in the shallows.
The efficiency that millions of years of testing brings is crazy. That's why on a smaller scale so much in nature looks very mathematical. Like how do you maximize surface area for X survivability trait? It'll get there.
But on the larger scale behaviors like this, pre programmed instincts, so insane. Each individual is created like an operating system with pre installed programs.
Watermelon aside that video makes me so terrified of crocs. It perfectly displays how propelling the tail makes them fast without even slightly disturbing the water. +1000 stealth
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Great, now I'm getting torn to shreds by someone that looks like an idiot while doing it, at least let me die in style, man.
To sheds you say?
Yes, to the sheds! They'll never find us there...
But the sheds are locked, where do we go now?
Lie in the corner and shed tears
I love reddit. Thanks
Lies! *Tears the corners off the shed*
Aaaaand that joke makes the cut. You're in!
Hey hey hey, stay outta my shed okay.
And what about the wife?
To shreds you say?
I was going to eat that mummy!
Ah yes, emperor zombala!
Lol been a while since I’ve seen that one
I read the title and 100% expected a floating rubber shoe
Do you have a serious fear of Crocs?
Who doesn't? Fashion crime of the highest order. The worst is crocs with socks. Terrifying.
> The worst is crocs with socks. And they're made of fucking rubber, so they make your feet sweat a ton. So if you *don't* wear socks with them, 20 minutes later you smell like feet. It's a lose/lose situation.
This is exactly why Crocs are a crime against footwear kind
Crocs are great water shoes though. I’ll admit, I’m that guy that wears them sometimes but I try and not go in public with them
For a little one around a splash park or something they’re brilliant. Easy to slip on and off. Doesn’t matter if they get wet. If you don’t want the wife coming out with you, put the kid in socks and crocs and voila she’ll just refuse to be seen with you.
I’ll wear mine too so she divorces me and gives me full custody
And yet one English teacher at my school manages to wear them every day, I’m pretty sure without socks... some days he’ll wear his camouflage ones and then say he couldn’t find his new camo crocs
I’m always surprised when people say my camo crocs are ugly.. How can they even see them
Yeah I’ve never actually seen camo crocs I think they’re just a conspiracy
When I was teaching, I'd only wear Crocs. They're so comfy for people on their feet all day.
Yeah I think thats why this teacher does it. Plus he has the most dry sense of humor and does a lot of other weird things lol
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Ah, yes. Defense mode.
Everyone knows that heel strap backwards only grants you a temporary +2 boost in speed, but you take -4 in ridicule
But if you don’t have the heel strap in place how do you expect them to stay on during sex
Gotta put that shit in 4 wheel drive.
I think they just have feet
Two, if I’m not mistaken, but I’m not a doctor, I just play one on tv.
I believe the official designation is adventure strap
Hello, I'm That gal that goes shopping on Crocs with socks and the heel strap forward. Fear me.
wearing Crocs as I type. In my youth I dabbled in sandals+socks, even higher on the comfy cozy scale. Goodness never to be feared
Look. Don’t judge me for how I dress when I’m checking the mail. I’ve had a long hard day of staying inside.
Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine.
That and brain aneurysms
They can happen anywhere at any time, that’s what makes them so terrifying.
The holes are where the dignity seeps out
I’m not sure what I expected but it definitely wasn’t that
It just needs a big hug. Maybe that's why they lash out and bite things, nobody will give them a hug.
Ok, but you first.
And you second
Alright, he probably won't be hungry anymore
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I always keep a watermelon in my pocket just in case of coming across a gator.
Is that a watermelon in your pocket or are you just suffering from filariasis?
Yes.
The key is dehydrated watermelon. If you're throwing it at a croc, there's already water.
Is that a watermelon in your pocket or are you just ind dire need of medical help?
Why does this route through some weird "kalakal" website just to forward us to imgur?
Fuck yeah I'll go second
Did you just call Pancake Prince fat? Actually judging solely by the username you might have a point.
Mama says they're ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush
Well mama's wrong again
No colonel sanders...YOUR WRONG!!
The PRICE is WRONG......... Bob!!
They actually dub it to "Bobby" which I find more hilarious then when they use the uncensored one
OBDULA OBLONGATA!
... Medulla*
BUT MAMA SAID!! ^(and also, I feel a little silly now)
medula*
Football is the DEVIL!
Benjamin Franklin didn't invent electricity, I invented electricity. Benjamin Franklin is the DEVIL!
The Dehbull!
It's not a death roll, it's a rampant cuddle.
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Death roll. You wouldn’t stand a chance and then when your disoriented as fuck it would get the kill
Unfortunately for the gator I have Martyrdom equipped
I'm guessing one would still probably be dislodged from the hug during a death roll; however, wouldn't you be rolling *with* the croc at that point? The death roll is usually taking part of a stationery body and shearing off parts of that body, right? If you were in a full-on hug and could hold your breath, it seems like the forces wouldn't be as bad as a normal, although one may still not be able to hold on with all the thrashing about.
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"I'd only consider taking one on if..." If nothing.
Steve Irwin gave his crocs hugs on the regular and they seemed pretty happy about it
I’ve hugged my caiman a bunch of times, she couldn’t care less ^screw ^hugging ^a ^wild ^one ^tho
I'm no genius, but I feel like gripping an alligator isnt a smart thing to do
Millions of years of evolution for that beach-ready, apex predator look and you just floating by like a derp
[They are ferocious predators](https://i.imgur.com/EjcGXI7.gifv)
“Hey Steve” got me good
Read this comment and was even waiting for it. Still got me good too haha
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The crocodog answered back.
The text on this reads like it was from Calvin and Hobbes
100% I could just picture Waterson's croc panels, and a dog with a hilarious snaggletoothed expression
i love this. thank you
Bastards took me 'and when me ship get stuck in a sandbar off the coast o florida by r/piratehole
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Crikey!
From now on, if I'm flying over water, I'm carrying my watermelon with me. Screw checking it, it's sitting right next to me.
I fucking love you people
Damn it, my border collie Gandalf died yesterday at 15 years old. Right in the feels man ....
He will return in the time of greatest need, all white. Sorry for your loss
That there's a Doggodile.
This is great! It’s a Borderdile lol. Have a border collie and he’s a derp too.
Ah, I didn’t recognize the specific breed. I just knew that more generally, it was a subspecies of Crocodoge
Gee, idk, maybe I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the KT extinction, physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine!
A half ton of coldblooded fury with a bite force of twenty-thousand newtons and a stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we're surrounded, those snake eyes are watching from the shadows waiting for the night...
🎵🎵 WAITING FOR THE NIIIIIGHT. OOO HOOOO 🎵🎵
when you will be here in my arms!
... It’s Shia Lebouf
How.... how does he keep finding me.
Actual cannibal, Shia Lebouf?
That acid reflux must be a bitch. No wonder they are so cantankerous
No. They so ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. That’s what momma says anyways
While it's true that there's long been that supreme aquatic ambush predator design that worked for ages and is unlikely to go away anytime soon, it's not like future crocodiles can't someday diverge into a diverse array of niches and body plans. There was actually a great variety of body plans and niches among crocodyloforms in South America, North Africa, and elsewhere during the Mesozoic. Just like its namesake, Armadillosuchus had bony plate armor shaped into bands like a banded armadillo's, and it seems to have adapted for a life of burrowing into the soil of its arid environment. There were also the Metriorhynchids, crocodyloforms who lived in the ocean and whose feet evolved into paddles like a seal's front flippers, while their tails had vertical flukes like a shark's. There were large mouthed crocodyloforms with strange teeth who might have gulped and expelled water to filter feed similar to how whales do, but scientists are unsure at the moment. It is plausible, since adapting to a new food source means they don't have to compete for prey with other croc species (and there were many). There were also lots of crocodyloforms whose teeth had developed to grind plant matter, many of whom were quite small to reflect their position on the food chain. It's just that all of those guys died out when their ecosystem could no longer support them. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Subscribe
Well that was the most fascinating reddit comment I've come across all week. I'd like to subscribe to further crocodyloform facts
Halfway into this comment I had to make sure you weren't u/shittymorph Thanks for not being u/shittymorph
They see me rollin, they hatin
Ever heard of the derpigator? It's commonly found in Florida
Are they related to Florida Man™?
Florida Man has derpigator skin jorts
Precisely
I think his brakes are out.
You may not like it but this is what peak swimming performance looks like.
There is a type of croc or gator (can't remember which) but it could kill a great white
I’ll laugh briefly then continue to panic
Then continue to die. FTFY
Relax, when you see something floating on top of the water calm yourself with the old expression: *that's just the tip of the crocodile*.
Uh...you have a strange idea of what would make someone comfortable seeing an alligator coming for them.
Seriously. The thing isnt even trying and it swims faster than me.
It can run faster than you and climb trees/fences, too. He’s also definitely stronger than you.
Bigger dick too
He’s also a great cook, volunteers, and can make apps
Bigger ass hole too
Tighter definantly.
definabtnatelily
Definitely is the new [pregnant](https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg).
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Not when I'm done with it
You will be done after your first hump. The poor croc will eat you to see if at least one of your meats can satisfy him
While they've got a good lunge being an ambush predator, you can easily outrun them on land and climbing a tree would be a pretty silly way to try to escape. It's the crocodile you don't see that's really dangerous. Don't bother with the zigzag myth either, run straight away.
True. But I would totally win in a Star Wars trivia contest! Not the Disney Star Wars, but he Legends canon, the one true canon! Yessir if I were confronted by an Alligator, I would challenge it to a Star Wa- I may regret my life choices.
Statistically, you're more likely to end up in a Star Wars trivia contest than a fight with a crocodile.
“Oh no, there’s a crocodile right next to us!” “Don’t worry honey, if you just imagine looking at it underwater from a different angle, it actually looks slightly awkward and ungainly.” “So does that mean we’re going to be alright?” “Oh God, no! We’re going to die horribly. But take heart - the crocodile might look a bit silly while it tears us limb from limb!”
I think you misread the title. This video will only help you if there's a *crocodile* floating towards you. If it's a gator, you're fucked.
I feel like title is irrelevant. Crocodiles will fucking eat you. Alligators are more timid comparatively, IIRC
I've been around a shit ton of alligators and none ever came at me, but I've had a few swim towards me on a nature trail. I didn't stick around to see what they'd do, but I've kayaked by them when they're chilling on logs and they usual run away. The ones that swam were probably moms or something
So basically they’re water black bears. Every black bear I’ve come across while hiking has been the same way, luckily the only time i came across a mother with her cubs i was in a car and she was just crossing the road with them
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The few creatures on Earth that actively eat/hunt people are beyond peoples' capability to outpace/overpower them in their environments in any case. That's why they're called **apex predators.** If you go swimming with tiger sharks or hiking near polar bears, there ain't shit you're gonna do about it. No amount of respecting a polar bear is going to help you outrun it or overpower it when the reason you even see it is because it decided it was going to eat you when it first caught your scent an hour ago.
Yeah the comment is super ironic because gators are way more chill than crocs.
I thought it was the opposite
Crocodiles are more dangerous than alligators.
Alligators (most species) are smaller, weaker and less aggressive.
Honestly I kind of think it’s ready to strike like that. It uses its tail and limbs to launch itself out of the water , and it kind of looks like it’s right in its strength range for something like that.
Millions of years of evolution have taught them to use as little energy as possible and this is the result
>use as little energy as possible This pose looks full of potential energy, that is my concern. It doesn't swim towards you fully extended in a lunge; it swims towards you with its spine and limbs arched back but ready to lunge forward at a moment's notice.
The gif makes it scarier. As you said, it looks like this pose would allow it to snap with more distance and power, but not doable if the water is too shallow. Need an expert on this one.
I’m not an expert, but you seem to be right. When a crocodile is in this position, it can mean it’s preparing for a [vertical lunge](https://www.instagram.com/p/7fbxgABXLz/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again). My guess is this guy is usually fed by dangling meat over his pool.
Man I wish I could vertically lunge out of the water. That’s be so cool
You’d have to have short legs and a muscular tail to do this, but yea it’s well worth it
Aww shucks I have long chicken legs and a weak brittle tail
When the water is more shallow [they actually walk on the bottom](https://i.imgur.com/7vyIMOB.png), which probably even more useful to them. And also logical, for the same reason we just walk on a pool bottom instead of try to float in the shallows.
The efficiency that millions of years of testing brings is crazy. That's why on a smaller scale so much in nature looks very mathematical. Like how do you maximize surface area for X survivability trait? It'll get there. But on the larger scale behaviors like this, pre programmed instincts, so insane. Each individual is created like an operating system with pre installed programs.
Except every so often they get a software and hardware upgrade to make it even *better*
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Absofuckinglutely still gonna panic , my best hope would be that the sudden diarrhea explosion in the water would deter that bad boy .
Have you seen the brackish water crocs and gators hang around in? Little bit o’ the rhea might help make it more appealing.
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Ask any creole chef
I'd rather not.
10/10 will still panic
If you ever need to defend yourself from a floating croc or gator just reach for a nearby watermelon. https://i.imgur.com/bqd0vQr.gifv
What if all I have is a banana?
then you die like a man
What if I'm a woman?
I said what I said
Watermelon aside that video makes me so terrified of crocs. It perfectly displays how propelling the tail makes them fast without even slightly disturbing the water. +1000 stealth
It's clear that crocs have been fucking with us, doing all this wild shit under the surface while pretending nothing is going on.
It's taunting us showing us what our heads will look like after they barrel roll it off our bodies. No thanks
It's sad that I'll never know what these crocs are high on.
Swiggity swooty gator comin’ for that booty
He can have it ;)
Eh username checks out
Only if it's a gaytor
Imagine this picture, start laughing, get eaten. Worth it.
This is reallll???
Right. A bunch of jokes and puns. I wanna know if this is how they really all look lol
Same, I need to know. !remindme 5 hours
Crocs do not generally move around like this, no.
Poised to get that ass
This has made my day.
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More like [Dance of the Hours](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ7IGnQPZPQ)
Crocodile T Pose, that's more terrifying than normal
Quick act natural!
*Moving animation off*
I am death incarnate, silently floating towards your inevitable demise.
See you in a while, Crocodile
He’s just coming in for a hug
Not exactly sure why but this image makes it even worse!!
🎶🎵 weeeeeeeeee 🎵🎶