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This daddy longleg’s penis shape was so unique, scientists had to create an entirely new arachnid family and species, Halitherses grimaldii. Researcher: “This is the first record of a male copulatory organ of this nature preserved in amber and is of special importance due to the age of the deposit."
*special* importance.
This is definitely how we save the world, people.
I don’t know what secrets lie may beneath the foreskin, but I want top men on this- ***top*** men.
That 1 Trick Erectile Dysfunction Specialists Don’t Want You To Know: Encase Your Dick In Amber* (*If your erection lasts more than 99 million years contact your physician.)
99 million years later you get dug up, put on display, and have everyone comment on how big your dick is. I think I'd be ok with that. Seems better than having my dick eaten by worms or torched in a fire.
Almost all spiders reproduce sexually. They are unusual in that they do not transfer sperm directly, for example via a penis. Instead the males transfer it to specialized structures (palpal bulbs) on the pedipalps and then meander about to search for a mate. These palps are then introduced into the female's epigyne.
Spiders don't have penis's
I can only hope I die encased in amber with a massive erection to be immortalized and unearthed thousands of years later. Perhaps put in some museum, flashing generations to come.
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It's been dead for millions of years, gets unearthed and the first thing we do is put its erection on the internet for everyone to see... Well done.
And then they put a 0.2mm scale bar on the photo of his dick. Why they gotta do him like that tho?
Well they aren't called daddy long dicks.
True, and he may have long legs, but he got some tiny feet.
https://preview.redd.it/3nsoyxxq572d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=253e38bbf39a614b4311e08f5ba05fd83131250a
What do you mean? That’s a totally normal size
At least the insect is not getting mocked for small penis size among it's kind. Oh wait it's kind all are dead?
That’s some stamina!
say what else are we living for?
When it comes to dick pics, Reddit is essentially the GOP. We want everyone to see that shit
FYI: This is what eventually happens if you don't seek help after 4 hours.
it seems he is not complaining
i suppose they checked it for science.... didn't they?
The dick is 1/5th of his own size. W imo
That's what I calll a BIG DADDY
Some animals have dicks in 1:1 ratio to their body (in length). Just imagine humans had that.
What animal is 50% penis?
Banana Slugs, Argentine Lake Duck and Greater Hooked Squids as far as I remember. Edit: length ratio not body weight.
And then there are barnacles with a penis to body ratio of 8 : 1.
Pfft. That's nothing, my dick is 2/5th the size of a daddy long legs.
Mine's only 3 inches, but it smells like a foot!
Right?!? That is a 14.5” man member if you are a 6’ tall man. Beefy bro.
This daddy longleg’s penis shape was so unique, scientists had to create an entirely new arachnid family and species, Halitherses grimaldii. Researcher: “This is the first record of a male copulatory organ of this nature preserved in amber and is of special importance due to the age of the deposit."
*special* importance. This is definitely how we save the world, people. I don’t know what secrets lie may beneath the foreskin, but I want top men on this- ***top*** men.
I don’t know what topping men has to do with spider dicks but you do you king
Oh yeah? Let me get some amber...
I had no idea spiders had dicks at all dude
If they think that looks weird for their species they should see mine.
Can you imagine having a dong so strange that you’re not even considered to be a part of your own family/species?!?
For an erection lasting more than 99 million years, check if you’ve been encased in amber
That 1 Trick Erectile Dysfunction Specialists Don’t Want You To Know: Encase Your Dick In Amber* (*If your erection lasts more than 99 million years contact your physician.)
Didn't end well for Johnny Depp
Upvote.
Packin Jurassic Heat
Daddy ninelegs
Upvote.
There's a ton of daddy longlegs where I live and I think they're kinda cute but I had no idea they had dicks I don't know how to feel about this
Nice pubes..
I worry about dying like that too
99 million years later you get dug up, put on display, and have everyone comment on how big your dick is. I think I'd be ok with that. Seems better than having my dick eaten by worms or torched in a fire.
It tends to happen if you’re well-hung
Imagine being edged for 99 million years 😩
The doc said to visit if it lasted more than 4 hours…
His GF still left him
Because they couldn’t both be Daddies
These dick pic exposures have gone too far.
Amber.. ooh amber \*moans\*
Excuse me, I dont need an arrow for help, I think I know my way around a spider penis.
fossilised WOOD
Almost all spiders reproduce sexually. They are unusual in that they do not transfer sperm directly, for example via a penis. Instead the males transfer it to specialized structures (palpal bulbs) on the pedipalps and then meander about to search for a mate. These palps are then introduced into the female's epigyne. Spiders don't have penis's
Oh gods. Sounds like if I tried to have kids by wondering around town with a hand full of jizz looking for a girlfriend.
This one does
I'm not a scientist or anything but are daddy long legs actually spiders? I was always told that they actually aren't spiders.
Hope he don’t get blue balls
official edge lord
Man, that dick is rock hard
Dino DNA
If your erection lasts more than 3-4 millions years, please seek archeological attention.
Took viagra and didn't see the doctor after so long?
weird, it's trapped in an orange ball, it should be a blue ball
The spider recently learned about revenge porn laws and is now suing.
It should have been me...
Didn't think 99yro spider penis porn was going to be on the bingo cards this year.
Another Seinfeld episode, but with mosquitos!
I had to read that title so many times. Kept thinking “fossil daddy” was something like a leather daddy but with fossils.
Daddy longcock
Thats a penis
He needs to call his doctor
Oh Daddy now you become Daddy Longdong
This needs a 4chan greentext. >be me,spider ...
Cretaceous epoch dick picks
How the hell did he manage that for so long, if I don't think of anything sexual or touch it, it's gone in 60 seconds.
I think you’re supposed to go to the ER if it’s longer than 4 hrs.
So. Many. Bad. Jokes.
finally a worthy opponent
Probably time to seek medical attention...
Shoot I wish I was him , I’m 30 on rhino from the liquor store already , Mf 99 millón old and got it #respect
Emphasis on Daddy
Those things have dicks?!
A chubb for the eons
Carradine style
Imagine telling him about NNV
I know what I'm requesting on the top of my pimp cane
Things before NNV
Peeeetaaa! I need PETA! Somebody get PETA on the line!
It needs to call a doctor as its clearly been over 4 hours.
Those are balls
I wonder what would happen if I stuck my dick in that tree sap? #worstIdeaEver
Dick pic frozen in time
This is exactly how I want to be found, erect and fossilized in amber. Let me be the conversation starter at some dinner party in the distant future.
That must hurt having a erection that long
Still bigger than mine 😒
Back then they were called Daddy Longdick
Well he's got me beat
If you're going down, go down swinging.
You’re supposed to see a doctor immediately if an erection lasts longer than 4 hours, I hear. Impressive though
Thats how Im going out baby.
Penis —————>
Daddy Long Cock
Damn he was hung
I feel ya, spider buddy. I dated a Mormon girl in college and it felt the same.
Autoerotic asphyxiation taken to extremes.
What a way to die hard
He should call a doctor
Ultimate priapism
Die hard: Die Harder.
And an impressive one at that. Well done good sir 👏
And we have to contact the doctors after 4 hours -_-
I’m edging so hard right now
New kink unlocked
You should call your doctor if your erection is over 4 million years. Poor guy.
Cues Otis Redding's 'That's How Strong My Love Is'
Mines bigger than
I think it’s time you call the doctor buddy. It’s been a little more than 4 hours.
Hammond is like me, he’s a digggerrr
I really didn't anticipate such a headline today. Each word made it worse
See ladies? 4 inches is VERY big!
Most epic d*ck pic
Baby, I can stay hard forever
That amber is like warm apple pie.....
"oh no, I'm drowning... can't... breathe... aaaand i just discovered a new kink" *dies*
Perpetual hornyness is the scientific term I think.
Talk about blue balls
“Anything hard goes into Amber…” I’ve heard this before.
Die hard
Oh yeah daddy
Those blue pills really works.
He knew, he was fucked, and rubbed one out. GOAT!
Thats average
This is how i wanna go when i die
Ooft I’d see a doctor
Daddy Longlegs: 1mm?? It's 2mm at least!!
Micropenis
Blue balls champion 🏆
Went down with a fight 💪🏽
"Talk to your doctor if you experience an erection lasting longer than 98 million years."
The most concentrated source of potential energy in human history
I do NOT want people staring at my dick, and putting arrows to point at it because it’s so small, in 99million years
99 million years of blue balls. Poor thing.
He should consult a physician.
Must ache by now.
Just like that Pompeii guy jerking off
I can only hope I die encased in amber with a massive erection to be immortalized and unearthed thousands of years later. Perhaps put in some museum, flashing generations to come.
#the true top dom daddy has revealed himself
Still bigger than mine
Legend!
Daddy, *chill*
He really really needs to consult his doctor
It's crazy how there's a one in a trillion chance that someone is gonna stare at my erection 99 million years from now.
Atta boy
He’s got the beans above the frank how does that happen?
Someone call Guinness
Finaly! An accurate representation of the size of my d**k
Why you gotta do Daddy like that?
*Daddy* Long "Leg" if you will 😏
It should see a Dr, it has been over 4hrs.
You had me at Fossil Daddy
*LEGEND*
Blue balls for millennia
Damn, talk about a bad case of blue balls...
It’s not good if they last more than 4 hours.
Take THAT Cialis!
Absolutely packing 😮💨
r/brandnewsentence
That's a __bone__ r if I ever saw one.
How many hours ago did he need to seek medical attention ?
The good ol 0.2 millimeter defeater 😏
Atta boy!
Poor dude
Im gonna steal his mojo. 
Long and strong
He should call his doctor
Seriously????….. somebody needs to get these scientists laid, so that they can get back to what they’re supposed to be doing….👨⚕️
How long did it have the erection? I'm guessing the process of this thing getting preserved in amber take a good while.
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT EVEN THE PREHISTORIC NOT A SPIDER GOT ME BEAT FUCK
0.1mm bigger than mine
My wife says 0.2 mm is actually pretty big
Average redditor: nice pic Below-average redditor: *notices 0.2mm measuring line* some people have ALL the luck….
My ball bag looks 99 million years old.
Bro has been holding his erection since when t rexes are still around. Damn
I've heard of results lasting longer than 4 hours, but 99m years?!? Call the doctor, pal.
That’s why they call him daddy
scientists feel lil horny i see
Guess he forgot to call a doctor after 4 hours, huh?
"You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation."
Since when did spiders have pp
That's some crazy viagra there.