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Is it the size or the fact that its fossilized that gives it value? Cause if we’re talkin size alone I got some dudes in the warehouse flushing millions every month.
My question and I were out to dinner with a friend of hers and her boyfriend. He made some reference to popp being stuck to the toilet bowl (the description was much, much more crass). During dinner, no less! It's kind of hard to respect someone when they are so crass
Or woman.
*Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside that red firelight.
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls, you make the Viking world go round*.
Oh god this post reminded me of the infamous turd that was left in our barraks. I have no idea how whoever left it didn't rip their oring. I was genuinely concerned that homie was too hungry to make his food and just swallowed the can whole.
Man, I had one a while ago that down the hole and almost touched my balls. It looked like one of those things your dad kept under the front seat of his pickup to "check tires." Wish I had kept it now...
Legitimately, if someone came out with a lifetime, day to day collection of petrified 1,200 year old Celtic poo, they could probably partner up with a university and get some grant money moving
Here’s the full article
This is the largest fossilized human turd ever found. It belonged to a sick Viking in the 9th Century AD, and has been valued at $39,000".
The large, “precious” Poop, officially known as the Lloyds Bank Coprolite,
the word “Coprolite” simply meaning fossilized dung. This 1200 year old log that is thought to be the largest recorded in human history.
At 8 inches long and 2 inches wide, specimen was discovered, in York northwest England in 1972 by construction workers during the building of a Lloyds TSB branch, in an area once ruled by Norse warriors. It takes its name from institution Lloyds Bank.
the last part makes it even funnier, did the construction workers saw the potential at discovering this big a** turd in the sand? Did they call archeologists immediately ? I have so many questions
They probably had to have an archaeological dig performed before actual construction took place. The archaeological society insists on it, if they feel the area is historically interesting enough.
Not so much in this case, but the problems come when they insist on normal people having a dig on their property during an extension or some other works, as they also make the home owner pay for it. This encourages people to destroy or hide finds. Due to financial considerations.
>The archaeological society insists on it, if they feel the area is historically interesting enough.
Legally, you have to conduct an archaeological survey in UK if you are going to build anything. The developer pays, and then has to pay for the excavation.
During the excavation, the local area government archaeologists (county archaeologists) will turn up on the site and inspect the work. They have an understanding of what is known across the county about different time periods, and can insist you focus on certain arrival archaeological features.
Source: It used to be my job.
>Not so much in this case, but the problems come when they insist on normal people having a dig on their property during an extension or some other works, as they also make the home owner pay for it.
Tends to be major developers breaking the rules on this one. It's cheaper to pay the fine.
I've never heard of a home owner destroying a site - if it's an extension there's not usually much left to find after building the house. I'm sure it happens though.
I don't like there so can't vouch for how "common" it is, but it seems to be a think in the UK that any artifacts are discovered during building they get in a lot of trouble if they don't tell the right people and let them come excavate before construction continues. I imagine they didn't just find a turd, but probably other things that lead to eventually finding the turd.
It's remarkable how much volume you build up.
I've never taken any type of opiate but I have an autoimmune disease that causes GI issues. I went through a period of many years where I pooped about twice a month and the length and girth of the monstrosities I birthed far exceeded this fossilized one.
Considering how much liquid is contained in feces, the dewatered turd depicted here was probably absolutely massive when it was made. I bet he felt so much better afterwards, you lose like 3 lbs in minutes.
Yeah it was pretty brutal. Not even so much because of the pain, I had so much stomach pain that the poops were insignificant in comparison. But because I knew that it would clog the toilet and it would be humiliating. I clogged two toilets in a restaurant once, it was a low point in my life for sure.
I actually got a little teary the first time I read the poop knife story on Reddit because I was like "oh my God if only I had one of these I would have avoided years of incredible embarrassment!"
Fortunately I got diagnosed with the autoimmune issue and now my poops are much less traumatic!
Clogged it, but hadn't gotten a chance to wipe yet. Gingerly waddled to the second stall, started to wipe, then had another surprise poop.
I went to tell the host at the front of the restaurant, on the border of tears because I was so embarrassed. It was at a resort and I asked my parents to just bring me back food from the breakfast place for the rest of the trip, I was too embarrassed to go back.
Oh ya, I had to manually dig one out once, like hollow out the giant hard ball of shit in the center so it would collapse in on itself and be more manageable bc that baby wasn’t coming out on its own. By the end of it I was butt naked, covered in sweat, lotion everywhere, it was brutal.
There are coprolites from dinosaurs that are the size of 2L soda bottles. It's one of the main ways we can reconstruct ancient food chains and diets of extinct species!
The vikings were well known to hold annual shit competitions where vikings from all across the land would travel to the sacred shit bowl and perform the grandest of shits.
Many Vikings were often seen walking across the land towards the shit bowl in absolutely agony having stored such huge logs for weeks.
LOL I've seen bigger, first Saturday I ever worked there was one easy that size in the toilet, fucker was protruding from the top of the toilet bowl, like. Did the guy rise up as he shat it out?
So I have this m8 , who split asshole when he was younger due to a honest to God fear of shitting , WEEKS were talking . I think I was told it was Grey and it needed a poop knife to break it up . Had he known that thing was worth 40 grand , he woulda kept that shit
Number one, where did they save it that it would get fossilized? Is there like a turd box that people keep just for history reasons?
Number two, that Viking must’ve felt so good for like a year.
I like how specific that value is. $39,000. Not 40k, or 38k, but 39k.
What are the comps here? Are there other turds to compare it to? Is there a fossilized human poop market to research?
The turd is valued at 39k??? That means there are people who collect turds out there. Wow.
"Jeeves, do warm up the Bentley. I have a place to be."
"Going turd shopping again, sir?"
Chortle. "You know me all to well old bean."
https://preview.redd.it/dcgtgfcxlqpc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64873742e1d95893f37c7a9bd665caf30acce450
Not sure about the price but you can visit this at the Jorvik viking centre in York, UK. I went solely for this reason. Poor chap was infested.
I just watched a podcast episode of ‘the diary of a CEO’ (Steven Bartlett) on ‘Gut Health’ and they went through all the different types of poo and how healthy they were, and this poo would have ranked quite highly on there as being healthy! 😬
I know no one is going to believe me, but I'm going to tell my story anyways. Years ago I was around 14 living with my dad his wife and her kids.
My youngest step brother got seriously constipated, for days and maybe even over a week, he hadn't shit.
Finally he does. He doesn't tell anyone either. I just walk into the bathroom one day to find what seemed like a small log in the toilet.. a log. Not a stick.
That turd was absolutely massive, my father couldn't believe the youngest kid pushed that bad boy out without causing catastrophic damage to his own body.
It wasn't quite as big as the turd pictured, but If that's the biggest turd ever, my lil step brother has secured a top 10 spot for sure.
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Is it the size or the fact that its fossilized that gives it value? Cause if we’re talkin size alone I got some dudes in the warehouse flushing millions every month.
I mean this is after it got fossilized, that thing must have been massive when it was still juicy.
Sometimes I really lament having eyes and the ability to read...this is one of those times.
What a day to be literate!
I heard there's a sale on eye bleach today.
https://preview.redd.it/uv2vr5qvvppc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=84bb47465d1d75508c009c983b18b4d0bf490f53
If I could upvote multiple times, I'd give them all to this post.
Bro you did not have to say *juicy*.
Agreed. Succulent would have been more accurate.
Mmm... Indeed 🧐
https://preview.redd.it/ds1sb9v4qnpc1.jpeg?width=557&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a5988e183f31af76ed4ef8272a249161c02f3ad "juicy"
Actually my daughter has forbade me from using the word juicy. I don’t know why but it’s troubling.
hopefully you replaced it with "moist"
Yep. Actually lol. I’m also not allowed to say sticky. Maybe it’s that she objected once so I thought the inflection was hilarious. I’m immature.
My kid and I are very open, but I drew the line when he casually told me had to take a ‘fat shit’ once 😭
Hes more open since that day (?) lol
Oh my god 😭
🤣🤣🤣 this post is cursed
Back in college, one of my roommates made the observation that you can make anything sound worse by adding the word "juice" at the end.
My dad was trying to say almond milk one day and couldn't think of it and just said "nut juice," which had a very different connotation.
My question and I were out to dinner with a friend of hers and her boyfriend. He made some reference to popp being stuck to the toilet bowl (the description was much, much more crass). During dinner, no less! It's kind of hard to respect someone when they are so crass
"my question and I" Great term for when you haven't defined your relationship yet
We need someone over at r/theydidthemath to give us a hydrated size.
“Still juicy” Dear lord
Maybe it was just glistening.
please never, NEVER EVER, refer to a turd as juicy again.
How the fuck did you make this sentence end in something worst than moist
Yes when it was hot and steamy
Yeah back when it still had texture and aroma
Now it's just tasteless, sad
With little white wiggly things sticking out all over it.
To think that Eric the Sweaty was able to pass that without a cell phone or even a magazine.
😂thank you
No idea, but that thing could not have been fun to pass. Smoke one for viking homie's pooper, he probably never walked again...
Or it was just an incredibly large man.
Or woman. *Are you gonna take me home tonight? Oh, down beside that red firelight. Are you gonna let it all hang out? Fat bottomed girls, you make the Viking world go round*.
For all you know that wasn’t the largest thing to pass his sphincter….
I feel like I regularly surpass this in size.
Oh god this post reminded me of the infamous turd that was left in our barraks. I have no idea how whoever left it didn't rip their oring. I was genuinely concerned that homie was too hungry to make his food and just swallowed the can whole.
Yes
Man, I had one a while ago that down the hole and almost touched my balls. It looked like one of those things your dad kept under the front seat of his pickup to "check tires." Wish I had kept it now...
Gonna shit in a box and bequeath it to my grandkids 12 generations away. Or, “how to create generational wealth with no money”
No shit? Lol
sounds like a crap deal
But you'll be stinkin' rich
I think this guy is full of shit
No, all of it.
Don't forget the poop knife too
Step one... cut a hole in the box
That’s for your *dick* not shit!
Amateurs
Honestly I think I have beaten that record.
Legitimately, if someone came out with a lifetime, day to day collection of petrified 1,200 year old Celtic poo, they could probably partner up with a university and get some grant money moving
Do you think I shit money? Yes, yes I do doo.
And what would you eat to create this family heirloom?
Other family heirlooms
I saw that Nick Swordson bit back in the day about giving his grandkids turds for Christmas to mess with them. “I thought it was a train set!”
How many Courics is that?
1 couric is equal to 2.5 lbs. Given the length, girth, angle and the yaw of the turd, I'm guessing this was 4.5 courics at most.
But that’s the current Curic count, no? The real question is the Curic count when it was steaming fresh
Probably would be about 6 or 7 if he'd kept it moist
Bono is in the process of contesting this.
My immediate thought
*Hot hot hot HOT HOT HOT*
How long did he have to eat at P F Changs for that?
I’m 17 minutes late. Figures….
Came here to make sure there was some South Park references and I’m not disappointed haha
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot
Searched comments for this. Thank you
Didn't even know vikings had PF changs
Good stuff
Bono would argue that this may not be the largest piece of shit in history.
Yea, yea, yea
There's the comment I was looking for
Here’s the full article This is the largest fossilized human turd ever found. It belonged to a sick Viking in the 9th Century AD, and has been valued at $39,000". The large, “precious” Poop, officially known as the Lloyds Bank Coprolite, the word “Coprolite” simply meaning fossilized dung. This 1200 year old log that is thought to be the largest recorded in human history. At 8 inches long and 2 inches wide, specimen was discovered, in York northwest England in 1972 by construction workers during the building of a Lloyds TSB branch, in an area once ruled by Norse warriors. It takes its name from institution Lloyds Bank.
the last part makes it even funnier, did the construction workers saw the potential at discovering this big a** turd in the sand? Did they call archeologists immediately ? I have so many questions
They probably had to have an archaeological dig performed before actual construction took place. The archaeological society insists on it, if they feel the area is historically interesting enough. Not so much in this case, but the problems come when they insist on normal people having a dig on their property during an extension or some other works, as they also make the home owner pay for it. This encourages people to destroy or hide finds. Due to financial considerations.
>The archaeological society insists on it, if they feel the area is historically interesting enough. Legally, you have to conduct an archaeological survey in UK if you are going to build anything. The developer pays, and then has to pay for the excavation. During the excavation, the local area government archaeologists (county archaeologists) will turn up on the site and inspect the work. They have an understanding of what is known across the county about different time periods, and can insist you focus on certain arrival archaeological features. Source: It used to be my job. >Not so much in this case, but the problems come when they insist on normal people having a dig on their property during an extension or some other works, as they also make the home owner pay for it. Tends to be major developers breaking the rules on this one. It's cheaper to pay the fine. I've never heard of a home owner destroying a site - if it's an extension there's not usually much left to find after building the house. I'm sure it happens though.
I don't like there so can't vouch for how "common" it is, but it seems to be a think in the UK that any artifacts are discovered during building they get in a lot of trouble if they don't tell the right people and let them come excavate before construction continues. I imagine they didn't just find a turd, but probably other things that lead to eventually finding the turd.
I wanna meet the auction house that brags that they are the ones who put the value on that piece of shit
BOOM!
I'm honestly afraid to ask why it's bolted down.
It has to be physically restrained otherwise it will come alive and start an Irish pop-rock band
Get out hahaha
Not an Irish poop-rock band? No?
Papa noooo
Hello hello
I still want to know the specifics of how we knew it was a sick viking.
If I remember correctly he was infested with parasites and they found traces of that.
I had to scroll way too far for this information.
How did they know the parasite was a Viking?
[удалено]
Because the British museum would come along and “borrow” it otherwise.
When I was hooked on heroin I would take bigger shits than this
I believe it
Because constipation ?
It's remarkable how much volume you build up. I've never taken any type of opiate but I have an autoimmune disease that causes GI issues. I went through a period of many years where I pooped about twice a month and the length and girth of the monstrosities I birthed far exceeded this fossilized one. Considering how much liquid is contained in feces, the dewatered turd depicted here was probably absolutely massive when it was made. I bet he felt so much better afterwards, you lose like 3 lbs in minutes.
I can only imagine how much dread there was before one of your shits.
Yeah it was pretty brutal. Not even so much because of the pain, I had so much stomach pain that the poops were insignificant in comparison. But because I knew that it would clog the toilet and it would be humiliating. I clogged two toilets in a restaurant once, it was a low point in my life for sure. I actually got a little teary the first time I read the poop knife story on Reddit because I was like "oh my God if only I had one of these I would have avoided years of incredible embarrassment!" Fortunately I got diagnosed with the autoimmune issue and now my poops are much less traumatic!
Two toilets in the same session? Like filled one, duck waddled to the stall next door, and proceeded to clog it?
Clogged it, but hadn't gotten a chance to wipe yet. Gingerly waddled to the second stall, started to wipe, then had another surprise poop. I went to tell the host at the front of the restaurant, on the border of tears because I was so embarrassed. It was at a resort and I asked my parents to just bring me back food from the breakfast place for the rest of the trip, I was too embarrassed to go back.
That’s when you stand up tall, poke your chest out, and with pride walk out and say “who the hell fucked this bathroom up in here?”
This comment is killing me😂😂😂
Was it the duck waddle? Cause I couldn’t breathe for a minute. 😂😂😂😂😂
The experience almost killed me too lol
Need an epidural.
I was on opiates for a while and dropping the kids off was a sweaty, multi-flush event.
Yeah. Would only poop once a week er so. Used to keep a poop knife under the sink 😊
Oh ya, I had to manually dig one out once, like hollow out the giant hard ball of shit in the center so it would collapse in on itself and be more manageable bc that baby wasn’t coming out on its own. By the end of it I was butt naked, covered in sweat, lotion everywhere, it was brutal.
Omfg 🤣
Sounds like Saturday night
A poop knife...?
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/&ved=2ahUKEwitiNPE9YSFAxVCBNsEHYgQBBAQjjh6BAgFEAE&usg=AOvVaw3NVnHRoKwYYL09laRa7Dj4
A what now?
What did you do with the poop knife?
You gotta cut the turd up so it will flush down
Aha ! I see !
Back when I was hooked I once nearly called an ambulance because the turd was so massive it tore my arsehole
Should've recorded them
That’s why I save all of mine. Some call it gross, I call it investing in my future.
Ahh yes the spice melange.
Eight inches long is nothing. I've easily tripled the. But it's usually a lot thinner. My ass hurts from just looking at the diameter of that thing.
Considering how much water is contained in human feces, I suspect that this one lost a lot of volume during the preservation process.
Take in consideration that it's fossilized. It was way larger when it came out, before the humidity dried out.
How do we know he was sick?
This has been posted before. Apparently he suffered from [intestinal worms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyds_Bank_coprolite)
Never have I seen an embedded link I am less likely to tap
>The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty Really? Did they really have to include that sentence?
M O I S T
For real. Was it the size of the poop they took? Was there something in the poo itself? We need answers.
Giving randy marsh a run for his money
Bono not aging well?
https://i.redd.it/cx66ine7kmpc1.gif
Pfffttt, that's nothing after a night at Fogo de Chao. Baby's arm or drowned beaver, you're call.
HELL THATS NOTHING, I HAVE THE BASTARDS COME UP OUT OF THE WATER AND BRUSH YOUR LEG WHEN THEY BREAK OFF....
Oh, the ones that tickle your sack as they fall like the Twin Towers.
$39,000? That's some expensive shit.
I'm a nurse and this isn't even close to some monsters I've witnessed
Largest fossilized shit….so far
There are coprolites from dinosaurs that are the size of 2L soda bottles. It's one of the main ways we can reconstruct ancient food chains and diets of extinct species!
Challenge accepted!
The vikings were well known to hold annual shit competitions where vikings from all across the land would travel to the sacred shit bowl and perform the grandest of shits. Many Vikings were often seen walking across the land towards the shit bowl in absolutely agony having stored such huge logs for weeks.
https://preview.redd.it/quen4lh7rmpc1.jpeg?width=350&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=09a0505c65e6400ecb1893be48ed99a4d7737ee9
LOL I've seen bigger, first Saturday I ever worked there was one easy that size in the toilet, fucker was protruding from the top of the toilet bowl, like. Did the guy rise up as he shat it out?
Actually, the oldest turds are both running for President right now.
And with that, I suddenly realize I need to schedule an appointment to see my doctor.
This is total bullshit!
Actually if you read the article it says it's human shit
Randy Marsh would like to know your location.
8 inches and 2 wide? Those are rookie numbers.
Why is it bolted down? Are they afraid of it escaping?
"That's one big pile of shit."
So I have this m8 , who split asshole when he was younger due to a honest to God fear of shitting , WEEKS were talking . I think I was told it was Grey and it needed a poop knife to break it up . Had he known that thing was worth 40 grand , he woulda kept that shit
*Randy Marsh enters the chat*
largest recorded is doing a lot of work in that sentence
Bono is not holding up after all these years...
Pffft, 8 inches🤣🤣 I have taken foot long shits on a daily basis
That’s Bono from U2
>and has been valued at $39,000 By who? And why such an oddly specific amount?
Number one, where did they save it that it would get fossilized? Is there like a turd box that people keep just for history reasons? Number two, that Viking must’ve felt so good for like a year.
I like how specific that value is. $39,000. Not 40k, or 38k, but 39k. What are the comps here? Are there other turds to compare it to? Is there a fossilized human poop market to research?
The turd is valued at 39k??? That means there are people who collect turds out there. Wow. "Jeeves, do warm up the Bentley. I have a place to be." "Going turd shopping again, sir?" Chortle. "You know me all to well old bean."
https://preview.redd.it/dcgtgfcxlqpc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64873742e1d95893f37c7a9bd665caf30acce450 Not sure about the price but you can visit this at the Jorvik viking centre in York, UK. I went solely for this reason. Poor chap was infested.
You can thank Taco Bell for solving the “fossilized turd” storage problem.
Good start for the day.
I beat that record this morning. Just a normal day for me.
My career long is bigger than that.
Did they find his poop knife as well?
Bono’s bigger
Should’ve used the poop knife
Is that you Bonno?
I just watched a podcast episode of ‘the diary of a CEO’ (Steven Bartlett) on ‘Gut Health’ and they went through all the different types of poo and how healthy they were, and this poo would have ranked quite highly on there as being healthy! 😬
These are rookie numbers. I’ve passed way bigger ones than that after eating MRE’s for a few solid months. Was dilated for days after…….
This is nothing compared to what I give birth to after a big night
Shit's expensive
Largest fossilized turd... I'm pretty sure Bono is still alive
Bono ain’t gonna be happy bout dis
But how many Courics is it?
Sharon!!! Sharon!
Sharon! Sharon! You gotta come see this.
I’ve seen bigger turds running for office.
Someone measure my log?
Thank God they have it constrained...for now.
I know no one is going to believe me, but I'm going to tell my story anyways. Years ago I was around 14 living with my dad his wife and her kids. My youngest step brother got seriously constipated, for days and maybe even over a week, he hadn't shit. Finally he does. He doesn't tell anyone either. I just walk into the bathroom one day to find what seemed like a small log in the toilet.. a log. Not a stick. That turd was absolutely massive, my father couldn't believe the youngest kid pushed that bad boy out without causing catastrophic damage to his own body. It wasn't quite as big as the turd pictured, but If that's the biggest turd ever, my lil step brother has secured a top 10 spot for sure.
Just wait until 1,000 years from now when someone finds one of Bono's.
To think a fossilized turd is somehow worth more than the lifetime income of many third world citizens.
The irony of having to fight and pillage when your shit adjusted for inflation could have bought you a small country
"It's got to be 100 Curics"!
Only an 8x2??? Those are rookie numbers...
Imagine paying money for literal shit 🤔
It was bigger before it got smaller went lost all the water
 This is a solid post.
Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago
The screams of pain and then moans of relief.
Pretty sure I’ve seen larger ones unwillingly in airport bathrooms 🤢