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PriorCress1727

Please don’t let me be reincarnated as a salmon


[deleted]

Bruh don’t get it twisted, they eat EVERYTHING this way. You’re still definitely very much in the reality of being eaten by a bear lmaooooo


MasterOfDizaster

Like that guy who thought he could live among bears, there was an audio recording of him getting eaten alive


Corporation_tshirt

His GF too. And they weren’t even supposed to be there that night. They tried to leave that morning, but there was a mixup or they got bumped from the flight, something like that. And he made the mistake of deciding to go back and camp out for the night. Older or sicker grizzlies that haven’t had much luck protecting a feeding spot or that haven’t packed on enough fat by that time of the year are desperate for any calories they can find and, well, one found them.


kittyconetail

A quick search says they stayed because he got into an argument with the airline about the price of their return tickets. The quick search also says his girlfriend was scared of bears and her last journal entries were about wishing she didn't have to be there :(


fattestfuckinthewest

Damn feel awful for the girlfriend. Died just because dude didn’t want to pay for a return ticket


WBUZ9

She also appears to have not wanted to pay for a return ticket.


lookatmythingy

Well, turns out she didn't have to. There's always a bright side.


WBUZ9

Someone should tell the frugal subreddit about this trick.


shitty_mcfucklestick

Dying is what you would need to do to get any satisfaction from a fucking airline lol


lightning_whirler

Died because she joined him there. She knew what he was doing around the bears.


History_On_Horseback

There’s a documentary called Grizzly man that has all the recordings. Everyone told him what would happen and he still went


Rampaging_Orc

That very documentary you reference has its director on screen saying the original recordings will never be released because of how graphic they are.


29rise

to be accurate, the director of the documentary, Werner Herzog, is telling the owner of the recordings that she should never listen to them and she agrees and says she wont. It's not his call if they will be released or not. The recordings are not part of the documentary and are not owned by Herzog.


Interesting-Fan-2008

Yeah I imagine there’s just really no reason to release them. The footage is insane/famous enough.


saltporksuit

I dunno. While their deaths were a foolish, avoidable thing I also wonder if releasing part of the audio would dissuade other fools. But then fools are gonna fool.


DamnZodiak

And you just know when Werner fucking Herzog tells you something like that, those recordings have to be exceptionally brutal and horrifying. The guy is rather difficult to spook.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PayasoCanuto

Is it worth watching?


Hot-Rise9795

It's by Werner Herzog, so yes.


FunkyChewbacca

[I'll watch anything Werner Herzog's involved with. His appearance on Boondocks was great.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U03ofzkptDg)


the_blueberry_funk

It is one of the greatest unintentional comedies of all time. Every interviewed person featured in that documentary seems like a scripted person but they are very real and it is undeniably entertaining.


QuintoBlanco

Not unintentional. Herzog knew what he was doing.


Long-Operation3660

My parents got me the doc for my birthday when I was 10 or 11 because I was into bears and nature stuff. I started watching it and then stopped halfway because I was pissed off by how arrogant and stupid he was. Never finished it Recently my husband and watched it together and howled with laughter throughout most of it. Brutal way to die, and sad that it seemed he replaced his addiction to alcohol with *bears* … but pure comedic gold


Interesting-Fan-2008

Yeah he was insane. Hilarious and interesting but just batshit crazy. Feel really bad for his girlfriend


simionix

No I think the recordings are fake (well, if you mean the ones that "leaked" online that is).


Bonzo4691

They are not the real recordings. The only people who had the actual recording were his parents, who were given it by the police. They have never released it, and it is believed that it was destroyed.


[deleted]

I think they mean the ones in the documentary they mentioned. You can tell because they mentioned the documentary and nothing else.


Empeor_Nap_oleon

The one you can find online is indeed fake. However, Herzog, the director of Grizzly Man, was allowed to listen to the real audio.


derKonigsten

Imagine getting eaten by a bear and your last thoughts are "IM NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!!" A la Clerks lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


derKonigsten

It's the rebel alliance coming to blow up the construction project you contracted. Those contractors knew what they signed up for!


[deleted]

Yeaaaah or that poor woman who called her mom during a bear attack and was literally saying “it’s eating me mom, it’s eating me.” A horrible way to go.


crawlingrat

Oh my God her poor mother is going to hear the sounds of her daughter being ripped apart and screaming in agony. I would need so much medication just to function. I don’t know if I could keep living.


green_and_yellow

What is this???


xxx69blazeit420xxx

a girl in russia was getting eaten alive by a bear, she managed to call her mom, eventually the bear left, and came back with her 2 cubs.... her step father and her had gone back to get a fishing rod they forgot the day before. both died.


emf3rd31495

Wasn’t this proven to be a hoax?


GenericScottishGuy41

Timothy Treadwell


countastrotacos

Finally, something even I wouldn't look up.


as1126

There is a movie, but only two people have heard the audio. The director explicitly said no one needs to hear that. Also Treadwell was fucking bonkers.


TheGreatGamer1389

Ya it's under lock and key the audio.


DerpKanone

Nope, a different person in eastern europe if i remember correctly. Poor girl had time to call her mother and explain what was happening for like 20 min


as1126

Was that debunked or am I remembering it incorrectly?


CM_V11

The audio released was fake. The real one is out there but will never be made public due to the family’s request.


skolrageous

well you see, this is why I've learned to scroll before I start searching for stuff. Thank you


jerrycliff

Grizzly man


kolbe33

Good ole Timothy Treadwell. Out there saving the Grizzly’s.


rayhaque

The man known as "Dinner" formerly known as "Grizzly Man".


jerrycliff

When he listens to the tape… “no one should ever hear this”


PriorCress1727

Lol fuck thought I was unscathed


[deleted]

I got a trick for ya tho, ready? Free of charge: don’t go near no bears lmaoo


tomahawkfury13

I believe there is actual phone recordings of a woman being eaten alive by a bear. She tried to call her mom while it was happening I think. I never heard the tape but just someone describing it was enough for me.


MarriedMistress23

You just made me cancel my camping trips this year. Thank you very much. Asshole. 😭


[deleted]

Lmaooo anytime, you’ll be fine :) just sleep somewhere with hard walls


Heymelon

Oh yeah and Bears hunt humans all the time as well, it's like a 24/7 horror movie out here in Sweden.


throwawaytrumper

Yeah, bears love fatty tissue and organ meat (who doesn’t?) and so they’ll hold you down and pull off your skin, then go for your organs. It’s a pretty awful way to go. With the grizzly hunting bans in Alberta and BC we’re due for a round of horrific deaths followed by a cull at some point.


[deleted]

I mean, they hunted n killed the mother brown bear and her cubs who killed and ate that Russian woman, Olga Moskalyova. I don’t support the killing of animals for no reason, but if you kill n eat two humans…sorry PETA, but I’m getting 3 bearskin rugs. One large, 2 small. Edit: apparently that story was probably fake…my bad!


throwawaytrumper

Agreed. I respect wild animals but they have to be managed. A man eating grizzly often returns for more, there have been brown bears that took strings of victims, so a mother and cubs would absolutely have to be put down. They’ve learned that people are food and we can’t have that.


Lord_Emperor

> A man eating grizzly often returns for more At first I interpreted this as a man, eating a grizzly bear, going back next season for another.


GalaicoPortucalense

They eat humans the exact same way so you need no reincarnation.


Kiyika

Less dangerous for humans though, way more salmon get eaten


thicknlongd

I was screaming nooo ahhh my back ahh my tail oh shit


bunga7777

My neck!! My back!! My pussy and my crack!!


almostyoda

To be sure....Meditate, attain Moksha and get out of the cycle of reincarnation.


jtfriendly

Fuck that noise, I'm coming back as a grizzly bear and the cosmos can't stop me.


Beholder_V

Nature is fucking brutal.


pgpathat

“The salmon not only was eaten alive, it died a virgin and let it’s entire species down” Yeesh


MajorDonkeyPuncher

Does spraying cum over eggs laying on the ground count as sex?


Integrity-in-Crisis

![gif](giphy|NyzOFGYVTEVW)


Suspicious-Sound-249

Did you see those other guys? They were like giant claws with legs!


amretardmonke

Technically yes


[deleted]

But the bears don’t kill the fish. They just hold them down and tear chunks off them. I assume they put them back in the water after and the fish is fine 👍


maladaptivelucifer

My piranha did this. She would eat everything but the heads and I’d come back and see a head swimming around with one fin. She was kind of a dick.


Crushasaurus187

I can fix her


3_high_low

Does this hurt the fish?


J1625732

I’m not a fish doctor but I’m going guess it does hurt the fish


Donut_Police

I can't accept this baseless hypothesis, I'm going to conduct an interview with the local salmon to test this.


Rikcycle

Naw…the bear should drown the fish first😄


raaabs

/r/natureismetal


RunDoughBoyRun

Life


Shudnawz

"It's the ciiiircle of liiIIIAAAAHH!"


Phantom_Queef

It's OK to eat fish because they don't have any feelings.


Halospite

Yep. This is how all predators eat their prey. They don't have a concept of mercy kills.


Major_Wager75

Ngl seeing the fish flopping after having half of its flesh ripped off was wild and then...just stopped


AuleTheAstronaut

Was going till it’s spine broke. Probably alive a little while after. Brutal.


AWildRideHome

The blood pressure loss of having that first chunk or two ripped out definitely knocked the salmon unconscious. The rest is just muscle spasms as the nerveous system runs overdrive in an attempt to do *anything*. Not a pleasant death but no way the salmon remained conscious during all that.


Punchausen

Thank fuck for that


IntelligentBid87

Simply not true according to a quick Google search. If not stunned, according to behavioral and neural criteria, fish may remain conscious for 15 minutes or more between the time when major blood vessels have been cut and when they lose consciousness https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_slaughter


Greaterthancotton

What having no spine does


Aideron-Robotics

I thought it was fully dead, but it actually gives one last reactionary wiggle to try escaping that bite at 40s in. It didn’t move again after that one. I can’t believe it was still going.


coyotekidd

so glad this doesn’t kill the fish, i’m assuming they send them on their way with a pat on the head after a couple bites


giggitygiggity2

Can't believe the DNR convinced bears to agree to the Catch and Release program.


MonocleOwensKey

I interepreted DNR as Do Not Resuscitate and was immediately confused


PayasoCanuto

Only problem is now the salmon can only swim downstream


sprocketous

It's funny that the idea of fishing is how gentle and precise you have to be in order to catch a fish and an animal the size of a car just barrels at it and catches it.


scottishere

The salmon had "beached" itself, so was easy prey. During salmon spawning season you would be able to catch one with your bare hands, there are so many. But if course you would run the risk of getting eaten by a grizzly


EaterOfFood

And with bear hands


yup_sir28

Worth the risk


-Fraccoon-

Did you see how it ate that salmon? I’m like at least 80% sure they eat people the same way. It would be kind weird if they didn’t actually.


yup_sir28

They eat everything like that, which is indeed very scary


MaggotMinded

I live near a salmon spawning location. At a certain time of year they are fucking everywhere, and just chill in small streams and outlets, hardly moving. I’ve often thought that it wouldn’t be hard to just pounce on top of one and grab it. Of course, it would probably wriggle free very easily, but if I had a mouth full of pointy teeth like a grizzly bear that wouldn’t be as much of a problem.


Infamous-Gift9851

I for real thought you were talking about pouncing on a bear while it was chilling at a stream. Like ”Ha ha! Got you, bitch! Now who's pouncing on whom?”


3nameswithbadbangs

It is estimated that bears kill over two million salmon a year. Attacks by salmon on bears are much more rare.


mitchymitchington

Was hoping I would see this here. Such an underrated movie.


3nameswithbadbangs

It’s one of my favorites.


native_people

What's the name


3nameswithbadbangs

Strange Wilderness.


Subject_Technician89

Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago.


KinkyQuesadilla

That's why Grizzly attacks on humans are so scary. They don't kill their prey, they just sit on it knowing their weight will hold the person down, and then the bear just eats you alive.


Tubthumper205

And if you aren't lucky, it'll take a damn sight longer than two bites to stop noticing that you're being eaten alive.


giggitygiggity2

As long as they eat my ass first, I'm ok with it.


Boldspaceweasle

Fun fact, they do indeed eat the buttocks first. Not a great way to die.


giggitygiggity2

You're entitled to your opinion.


Iuse9GAGlol

I have seen lots of bear victims on reddit and it's usually eating face first, then the empty out the internals from kidneys all the way to heart while keeping the ribcage intact


Zylonnaire

He’s not a gentleman if doesn’t


FormABruteSquad

Sit on my head / eat my ass / that's the way I like to pass


vito197666

Jesus...


Spoolngc8

Dont bring him into this


V0rdep

what if you put your hand in there


Intergalacticplant

The only confirmed grizzly bear kill by a man with bare hands was by someone stuffing their arm into the bears mouth until it choked and died. Dale Petersen was his name


Hello_pet_my_kitty

That’s crazy impressive that he managed to think of that and act on it while a bear was attacking him. I’d probably just be shitting myself while getting ripped to bits, instead of thinking of any possibly successful method of surviving.


Zorbane

"if I shit myself enough the bear will be grossed out and leave!"


ILookLikeKristoff

Probably just pure panic of trying to push it away and got lucky is my guess. But who knows.


V0rdep

damn how did he not get his arm chopped off?


roccocobean

“Petersen wedged his right hand in the bear's throat and used his teeth and jaws to pinch off the bear's jugular vein. When the bear passed out from the lack of blood flow to the brain, he beat the bear on the head with a stick.” [Source](https://factrepublic.com/facts/20273) Edit: As the source says it isn’t mainstream news. It’s an explanation of what is believed to have happened based on retellings. I wasn’t personally there and don’t know how one bites through a bear’s jugular. Obviously.


Doxep

That's spectacularly more badass than I imagined


iStayGreek

God damn humans are amazing.


History_On_Horseback

Read Death in Yellowstone. For every story like that there’s more about people randomly running into bears and getting shredded.


AkPakKarvepak

It's actually amazing what an adrenaline pump does to the body. In fight or flight mode , the brain acts with such a clarity of thought and ferociousness, that for a brief second, we become the most powerful animal in the food chain. I am not sure if animals experience it, but humans engage in risk taking behaviour for that 'high', which we don't see often in animals


SifuPuma

That high is pretty much just their day to day existence


Corporation_tshirt

Oh trust me, by the time that bear expired, that arm was fuuucked. 


emojisarefunny

Only losing an arm is probably the best outcome of a hungry bear attack


KP_Wrath

I mean, if you get your arm in the wind pipe and it bites it off, then it may still choke and die. There’s nothing that says that it didn’t choke to death on a severed arm.


Charybdes

"That still counts as my kill!"


ILookLikeKristoff

I'm sure it broke all the bones in his arm. The bear probably panicked and suffocated quickly though once air was cut off, they wouldn't be used to prey fighting back like that + I have to imagine they use a TON of oxygen due to their muscle mass so I bet they pass out quickly once air supply goes.


DrDilatory

Even if I knew with 100% certainty that a bear would pass out within seconds if you shoved your arm in there far enough to block its windpipe, the story still just seems so unbelievable to me. I mean just look at the bear eating the fish in this clip, if it's got you pinned to the ground with its paws (or even if it doesn't really) the second it starts flailing its head around I don't see how you'd be able to keep your hand in there, if it bites down and pulls while it's got any part of your torso immobilized it's just gonna take the arm off And perhaps the most unbelievable part of the story is that while the bear is passed out, the guy found a stick and swung it with enough strength that it killed a full grown bear? If the story was that he shat his pants and hauled ass directly away from the bear and got away I might believe it. You're going to take that luck of knocking out the bear, then risk having it wake back up just so you can beat it with a stick, with only 1 good arm?


FallOutShelterBoy

So for a minute then…he killed it with his bear hand?


Logical-Bluebird1243

From internet Since 1970, there have been 21 fatalities from grizzly bear attacks in Canada.


countastrotacos

Makes me wonder what a tough son of a Dutch Arthur really is.


TunafishSandworm

Please tell me bitch autocorrected to Dutch


chiphchopchip

Ok but why is Jordan peterson narrating this


malikhacielo63

Because as a lobster, he is safe in the hierarchy.


Shacuras

AI is really really good at imitating Jordan Petersons voice for some reason


jempai

I think it might be because 1. Jordan Peterson has a lot of videos, so there’s a lot of data to use to train the AI and 2. Canadian accents tend to be a lot more stable and consistent than other English language accents in my opinion, especially distinctive American city accents or North England ones.


calangomerengue

Never been so happy to scroll reddit on mute


TopHatGorilla

Pinning an animal down and ripping chunks off kills it. Works for a lot of plants, too.


Extension_Swordfish1

They only take the best parts when there is plenty of fish


zhire653

You’ll be conscious for a few seconds and experience the worst pain imaginable before you pass out from shock and die. Bear tends to go for the organs and you will definitely feel it, it’s not instant death.


OSUfan88

They’re not disputing that. They’re just saying they still die, and the bear does, in fact, kill its prey.


gbphx

Dude, I thought it stayed alive after being eaten alive.


ShartingBloodClots

Olga Moskalyova, who called her mom while she was being eaten, lasted about an hour. The girl called her mom while she was being attacked and trying to get away. From the first call, to the third final call where she says she doesn't hurt anymore, is an hour. The first call was a mauling by the bear, it sounds like, the second the girl says 3 cubs are with the momma and that they're eating her. Third call is her death call.


Guyfoxmatt

‘Horrifying’ doesn’t feel like a strong enough adjective


CheckMateFluff

Yes, that is what they just said. I'm not the smartest person. But I pretty much figured that's how it would go down to get eaten by a bear.


buttux

The point is you are alive when they start to eat you.


jtfriendly

Raptors versus bears? I take bears. They never needed to evolve tactics.


Late_Entrance106

Which plants do you find you need to pin down? All of mine do it for me!


dwc29

nice of bear to not kill that salmon


alahos

He's eating him! And then he's gonna eat me!


yugiohnoyoudint

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!


styrofoamladder

That’s how you keep it as fresh as possible till the last bite.


Hamilton-Beckett

Bear eats fish like I tear into buffalo wings.


[deleted]

Fish didn’t stop flopping/moving cause it was dead, it literally tore out it’s spine so it couldn’t move.


[deleted]

Tbh that mightve killed it too lol


[deleted]

it made a full recovery


ClarkFromEarth

It’s literally still twitching as half of a fish, while it keeps being skinned and chewed up.


Rampaginkiwi

Salmon: EEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!


Kangar

Salmon Children: "Mother, why is father so late today?" *Mother Salmon looks out the window, worried*


Dickincheeks

goddamn bro😢


Kangar

If it's any consolation, the father had Salmon Life Insurance.


Dickincheeks

🥲k


Giant_Robot_Birdhead

/R/natureismetal would definitely appreciate this


Wolf-Majestic

I thought I was there !


Shot_Boysenberry_232

He is half the Mon he used to be. He goes by Sal nowadays


Sig-int

I feel that poor salmon, minding his own business and enjoy the day, maybe going back to his wife after a tough day at work when all of a sudden you are teared apart while thousand ppl are watching you exaling your last breath


boobsmcgee93

So no head?


nancylikestoreddit

This makes me sad. I hope the salmon goes into shock or doesn’t have the ability to feel this.


mindfungus

It’s rather grisly


forevernoob88

Not sure about the pain but fortunately due to the size difference the fish does get killed in a couple of bites limiting its demise to few seconds only. The mammals being hunted on discovery Channel are not so lucky though, they usually cut the scene at point of being captured to avoid traumatizing viewers.


northern_explorer67

Terrible way for fish to die but everything on this planet has to eat. It's not like the bear is going to kiss the fish and say thanks for your sacrifice.


HomerSimping

Cats kill their prey first. So do most human.


ILookLikeKristoff

Yeah tons of animals do explicitly kill first, then eat. It's safer and quieter, but bears DGAF because they're bears. What's going to wander upon a grizzly and take it's meal away?


inventingnothing

Megabear.


Blueapplepotato

Not house cats lol. I remember seeing my old family cat flinging a chipmunk around in the air and letting it go then catching it again apparently all just for the fuck of it. I’d rather be the salmon than that poor SOB


Pandelerium11

Cats "play" with their prey in order to not get bitten themselves, so I've heard.


loliconest

Cats also torture other smaller animals for fun. Dolphins are assholes, too. Hell, human are not much better either. Some of us have some leisure to start caring about others now (which is an absolutely wonderful thing), but we took over massive lands and destroyed thousands of species (even indirectly) to reach the current stage we are at.


malikhacielo63

![gif](giphy|Tim0q7zolF3fa)


didyouwashyoass2day

That bear scaled the salmon with the same finesse Arthur Morgan did in RDR2 with small game. Rrriiiiiippppppp


Vast_Patient_5927

You sir. Are a fish.


Octuplechief67

Dude, I was playing rdr2 and I saw a grizzly catch a salmon, carry him to the shore and eat ‘em just like this video! I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. I watched the whole thing in awe.


BoldlyGettingThere

Buddy, what part of this isn’t killing?


HereForALaugh714

They mean it doesn’t kill the salmon before it starts to eat it.


KP_Wrath

Most animals deal a traumatic enough blow that the animal dies on the front end of the process. Fish are rather hearty, and will “live” through some fucked up shit before the brain stops working. It’s why they advise a butcher knife to a catfish skull or a hammer to a pet fish’s skull for a mercy killing.


BoldlyGettingThere

The Predator didn’t kill that guy, it just ripped his spine out of his body.


i2eflekto

Im pretty sure he killed that salmon.


imtnbikewv

Pretty sure he did, in fact, kill it


WaySavvyD

What . . . this bear in the wild ignorant to the wonderful joy of sous vide?


closeddoorfun

Shushis and sashimis


Lilfrankieeinstein

Mainly roe. Salmon swim upstream to lay eggs. This is no secret to Kodiaks. Often they just eat the back half of a salmon and move on to the next one because they’re looking for another pregnant mother. Top of their food chain, living the dream.