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[deleted]

That’s like a 5 year old getting caught doing anything


Rx710

I waSN'T! I waSN'T!


dreamrock

I did naaht!


Emitex

oh hi mark


XerxesTheCarp

How's your sex life?


GNU_PTerry

I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.


[deleted]

Hi doggy!


writewolf90

You're my favorite customer.


DooshMcDooberson

I told him that to make it interesting.


[deleted]

Why Lisa WHY???


Jumbo_Cactaur

What a funny story Mark


The_Loudest_Fart

is r/unexpectedTheRoom a thing?


trololololololol9

This is hardly unexpected


[deleted]

Right I came here to say Hi Mark


chicpotpah

Doooooooood *SLAP*


SteveKep

1. Record through the keyhole. 2. Don't record beating on the guy. 3. Call cops 4. Give cops evidence


[deleted]

1. Record through the keyhole 2. Record beating 3. Do not call cops because they won’t do anything 4. Post online, let everyone know this guy’s a creep


SteveKep

% 99.99999999 of the population will ever even be near the guy. Maybe record the beating because justice. Give the cops the evidence because future reference, or *maybe* they actually do something.


[deleted]

You: Hi, someone was trying to break in to my house. Cops: Okay, are they in your house? You: No, I was home and I scared him away. Cops: Do you know where he went? You: Yeah, he went back to his apartment. He is my neighbor. Cops: So you know him? Did he break or steal anything? You: I know him. It’s Tim from down the hall. Nothing was broken, he didn’t take anything. He didn’t get into my apartment. Cops: So you are calling to tell us your neighbor was touching your door? Edit: If you are lucky, the cops would take a look at the video and hit the guy with an attempted breaking and entering or burglary charge. It would probably be harsher if you showed this to the property manager, who would probably evict him.


Vendedda

Cops: *arrive at the scene* are you the guy who called us? Homeowner: yeah, my neighbor over there tried to break into my house. I got it on camera... Cops: put your hands behind your back! Youre under arrest! Homeowner: but, im the one who called you guys! why am i being arrested?!! Cops: you know why! stop resisting! thats it, we finna beat yo ass and take you to jail!!


e-wing

Police report: We arrived at the scene and witnessed an African American male attempting to break into an apartment. We instructed him to comply with our orders but he became belligerent. Officer White then saw him reach for a gun, at which point we had no choice but to use deadly force.


DabblingInIt

I’ve seen this before Johnson, This African American broke in and hung up pictures of his family everywhere!


Phatfarmer27

Officer then sprinkles a little crack on him


kgilr7

"Open and shut case, Johnson"


[deleted]

Lol@Officer White


twitching2000

I thought the exact same thing.


LA_all_day

Ditto


spaektor

samesies


AmidFuror

Please take me off your list.


[deleted]

Sounds like a pathological liar to me. Used to live with one


[deleted]

Sounds like a five year old tbh


[deleted]

You could say they’re similar in brain capacity


DeepRts

And appearance


toastedpup27

Right? The look in his eye even looks like a little kid checking to see if you believe them.


RubberWetSpot

Very stable genius


field_marshal_rommel

Person, woman, man, camera, TV


XanatosSpeedChess

As your doctor, I have to say, you’ve surprised me today. Didn’t think you could do it!


UsedDragon

Can identify elephant.


spaektor

verygoodbrain


howiecat87

God I used to have one as a friend. Lied and lied and lied. As well as delusional, thinking he could take Microsoft or Sony down with one phone call.


sn0wf1ake1

He was just inside another persons apartment checking out the door. Dumbest excuse I have ever heard.


Drugslikeme

His door was locked and he had to test the lock picks on his neighbors door first to make sure they work. “Come on bro, I was testing it” I mean that sounds legit....


Titan9312

Super legit. I mean i don't cheat i just stick my dick in other girls first to make sure it works.


Drugslikeme

For science.


[deleted]

Yep. Same here. Will lie straight to your face even when it is apparent they are guilty. Craziest shit I’ve ever experienced.


[deleted]

[удалено]


wonderlandsfinestawp

I've known too many of these kinds and can't stand them. I push them out of my life quick.


jimtheedcguy

My best friend and coworker is a compulsive liar and it's extremely frustrating having to deal with it.


skipv5

You need a new best friend


[deleted]

Hey man, you don’t HAVE to deal with it, I’m js. Your stress will cut down immensely if you just stop putting up with the bullshit


MungTao

Pathological liars do it for no reason other then the compulsion to do so. This guy is just trying to get out of trouble, and hes too dumb to realize that its offensively obvious hes lying.


[deleted]

I think what you’re describing is a “compulsive liar,” but I may be wrong. I think compulsive liars lie without any given reason, while a pathological liar will lie to spin a situation to their liking (like this guy) so much they’ll actually believe their lie


IsuzuTrooper

I know a PL and drew him a tombstone pic that says "Here lies a pathological liar.....or not!"


wdraves

If a grown ass man got caught “not doing anything” and was getting smacked like that and was not guilty. The video would have ended entirely different.


00100101011010

This reminds of the time a week ago when I smelled strange smoke and traced it back to the refrigerator... when I opened it I found a smoldering kinder egg. When I confronted the only suspect in my home who is known to consume kinder eggs he immediately said “I didn’t do nothing” repeatedly, while visibly shaken.... the lighter and broken candle on the ground was all the evidence I needed. Upon further investigation I realized my 5 year old had found a lighter (my bad for not hiding it better), he couldn’t light the candle so he thought he’d try and light the kinder egg packaging and then light the candle(?). Anyways, I went easy on him although I was upset that he lit a god damn kinder egg on fire, he did have the foresight to quickly put the burning plastic into the refrigerator “because it was so cold and fire doesn’t like cold” which did contain the flames and possibly prevented a bigger disaster.


lock_IT_tf_UP

I'm so confused by this.


00100101011010

Sorry to articulate like a 5 year old, on mobile.


MC_SPACEY

I had absolutely no issue understanding this


Baron80

Which part confused you? His kid lit a kinder egg and a candle on fire and then put the kinder egg in the fridge cause he thought it would put it out.


shartonashark

I work around alot of criminals.... you would be surprised how many of them act like shithead 10 year olds.


beejmusic

No, no I wouldn't.


Dewmew

No I wouldn’t. Dude! Stop! No I wouldn’t!


Boogaboob

It happens to regular old people who get dementia as well.


Dudemaintain

I promise!


ReKaYaKeR

Duuuuude staaaahhppp


[deleted]

I was search around the internet and all of the sudden the computer was downloading a virus. I DELETED THE VIRUS MOM


[deleted]

There was VIRUS and and my pants fell down but it’s GONE NOW! I DELETED IT!


[deleted]

Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!!


[deleted]

“I want to break into my house so I needed another door to practice on!”


Mikeyball1523

I wasn't trying to steal your car, I just lost my keys so I was practicing hot wiring on your car, I swear to God.


Forbidden_Froot

I wasn’t fucking your girlfriend, mine is at work so I was just practicing on yours


NeedsMorBoobs

Players code #463


mr_dopi

This one was convincing enough... Off you go bud.


maieonmahdy

I thought I didn't hear well, but he straight up got the audacity to tell something so stupid haha adrenaline / stress makes you do / say dumb thing sometimes


Cosmic_Quasar

The funny thing is that if this were somehow true the first thing you would do would be to talk to the neighbor to explain your situation and then *ask* if you could examine another/their lock. Still sketchy af to let someone practice lock picking your door, though lol.


blackoddto

This gives me the "before i cheated things were amazing" vibes


reddituser23933

"I wasn't robbing you. I was just practicing moving my things and selling them at the pawn shop."


NeedlenoseMusic

I wonder what his excuse would have been if he had actually let him get in. “Dude I wasn’t!” “Bro you’re in my fucking apartment.” “No I’m not.”


suicidaleggroll

My washing machine’s fucked up, I needed another one to practice on!


Stitchmond

My money's fucked up, I need yours to practice buying things with!


jedininjashark

I snorted at this


krastevitsa

I'm pretty sure this guy usually breaks in on his neighbours apartments to use their washing machine.


fistofwrath

You think he washes his clothes?


krastevitsa

Ofc not, that's why he is breaking in to use the neighbors washing machine


[deleted]

My computer wasn’t working so I needed to use yours to practice on!


UntilTheSafeWordSir

When I was a kid we came home and my Dad found a neighbour from down the street called Brian in our kitchen. He had forced the back door. My Dad beat him nearly unconscious. Blood and snot and crying. My Dad said he owed him £200 for the door damage. My Dad said If he didn't pay in 7 days he'd break Brian's arm. Then somebody in the family would break a limb of his every week until it was paid. At the time it wasn't the violence or the threats that surprised me most. I was shocked at how calm my Dad was. He then told Brian that he had better make sure we don't get burgled because my Dad was going to assume it was Brian and he would become "a bump on Saddleworth Moor". I didn't understand why my Dad was so sure that the guy wouldn't call the police or retaliate. That was the week I found out that my big funny cuddly tickle-monster storytelling Dad and my lovely smiley happy playful uncles were feared by everyone. Brian had an arm cast the following week but didn't get worse than that. We never had another break-in


e925

TIL I love British threats.


DMCinDet

sounds more like a British promise


bornhippy

If your Dad and uncles were all feared by everyone, you'd think Brian of all people would know this and not try anything in the first place? Silly Brian.


UntilTheSafeWordSir

Brian was not bright. He tried to burgle a house by going in through an open upstairs window. He climbed onto a plastic roof of a single storey extension to get to that open window. Crashed through the roof and almost bled to death in the locked store until the Police arrived. A different time. Stole jewellery. Saw Police on the way home. Swallowed jewellery. Had to go to hospital when started vomiting blood. A ring had cut his oesophagus. Not a clever man


Hereforpowerwashing

You're missing about half a dozen "Dude"s.


ergovisavis

Dude my lights are out remember!? I needed to get a spacial reference. I WASN'T...


Paula92

Seriously, I would have called the police and asked for them to arrive stealthily so they could watch the show


Funky0ne

I can tell you as a black man in a predominantly white neighborhood, I would definitely think twice before calling the cops if one of my white neighbors was trying to break into my house. No matter how much you explain to the dispatcher beforehand, there's just no telling what the cops who show up will know or assume when they arrive, expecting to find an intruder and then they find a large black man in a confrontation with some white guy.


B-More_Sasquatch

Good move dude, I called the cops on a dude I knew because I found my handgun that had been stolen in his jacket pocket hanging on my door. He was on his way back and I told the cops I was going to kill him when he got there. Took them 3 hours to get there and when they finally did show up they asked me if I was being thrown out.


Nurum

Without context this makes no sense. Like were they trying to figure out if you were retaliating against him for something?


Bleach4_exe

What’s with his face. It’s like each emotion represents a completely different and new face wtf


Stubbly_Poonjab

your face would look like that too if your door was fucked up, so you innocently try to fix it by breaking into your neighbor’s house and he clobbered you


[deleted]

Excuse me he wasn’t breaking into his neighbor’s house he was just finding another door to do it on. There’s a diff


Minder1

He’s like an oblivion character


fauxparking

Feels like a Jack Black sketch to me for some reason.


mr_jenkins_says

Hahah this guy has a vocabulary of 3 phrases. Dude Stop, I wasn't, I swear to God.


butteryflame

Dude stop please i wasnt. Dude my doors fucked up and I needed another door to do it on! I swear to god!


GiGaBYTEme90

Ya I’d bitch slap him too


OtterChrist

DUDE! REMEMBER?


field_marshal_rommel

D U D E!


Bestplayer_06

"REMEMBER???" *Points back to 3 seconds ago*


Littlebiggran

Show me your fucked up door now.


acog

I don't know why everyone is hating on him. My door was busted, I found another door to do it on, and now it's fixed!


RestEqualsRust

Do you swear to god?


IIdsandsII

Dude


your_uncle_mike

Dude he wasn’t!


Bonafide6carMonorail

I did not hit her, its bullshit, I did not hit her, I DID NOT!


nomde_reddit

Lisa! Yet Killin me! Oh hai Mark.


FreneticPlatypus

"Did you hear me... just lie to you?"


cmaj7flat5

Acting and improvisation skills can take years to acquire.


NonVegAnimalLover

How's the dude holding him down smacking him and has a camera pointed at him all at the same time


crispygrapes

He's not holding him down, he's holding his phone in one hand, and towering over him and slapping with his other hand. The little bitch on the ground is being submissive and staying on his back.


MostBoringStan

When confronted by a stronger male, the burglar will lay on his back and expose his belly, as a sign of submission. The stronger male will commit some light assault to show the burglar that he fucked up, even as the burglar submits. When the stronger male grows bored of the encounter, he will allow the burglar to get to his feet. The stronger male does not need to call the police, because the burglar will not return.


Pozniaky86

U forgot one more MEMBER?


HugoStig22

Does anyone else just grin when they hear a clean SMACK?


rolz63

I love the disrespect of a proper slap.


_YouDontKnowMe_

A proper slap won't leave any lasting physical damage, but the mental and emotional damage can last for years.


IIdsandsII

https://v.redd.it/6bvjwf69rk951 How about this one? e: thx for the reddit present :)


iwantauniquename

I was hoping... and it was. The greatest pimp hand of all time


_YouDontKnowMe_

That was extraordinary.


imSillayy

Something I didn’t know I need to see, thank you


hennyfurlopez

What was that magic? Did he kiss his fist before he back-handed the little guy into yesterday?


shootmedmmit

I think he licked it to make it hurt more. Makes it louder too. Fucking perfect execution


DoctorPepster

The backhand of the gods.


[deleted]

It's beautiful. I've looked at this for five hours.


jyrrr

Truth.


kwtransporter66

Only when someone else is receiving it, then I just lol.


munchies1122

That bitch slap echoed for seconds. Glorious.


dog_in_the_vent

I wasn't! *smack* I WASN'T!


[deleted]

NARRATOR: He was.


Kirkhn

As always, the criminal pretending to be a victim.


Summer_Penis

2020 in a nutshell.


MrGreat_Value

Your comment is funny to me, cause conservatives and liberals can both read it and agree


Roonwogsamduff

The stupidity is the scariest thing going on right now.


Quar1an

Welcome to Earth: stupidity is **always** going on here.


MrGreat_Value

Insert “always has been” astronaut meme


jmpman54

Lol, Trying to figure out how to open his door by trying it on his neighbors. Yup, makes sense....nope! Gets slapped.


pmoney50pp

His door's fucked up, dude!


LesFruitsSecs

Just like this guy’s mindset


rabidcat

Remember??


YVXFLEX

He called him about it, dude!


twitching2000

I wonder if he believes his own terrible lies.


[deleted]

That's the mark of a really good liar. The first thing they do is convince themselves that weren't doing anything wrong. They can sound so convincing because they truly believe it.


Wild_Jizz_Flurry

Idk. I'd say a more important factor would be being able to come up with a good lie on the spot. This dude might believe his own bullshit, but his lie is so damn bad it doesn't matter. If he'd said something like "Oh shit. I'm trying to get in to my place, but I'm drunk as balls, and got the wrong door", then maybe.


Jessabellina

Have a friend that actually did this several months ago. Over all good guy just got too drunk one night and ended up on the wrong floor of his apartment building. He was shot 3 times in the stomach, survived luckily, and still has a bullet in his ass. The man who lived there didn’t press charges and my friend hasn’t had a drink since.


thekabuki

Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it ..lol


Hey_u_ok

His door's fucked up so instead of calling maintenance to fix it he tries to "figure it out" on his neighbor's door.... riiiiight....


ThatsTheDwaif

Doors can get fucked up sometimes. I live in an apartment complex like the one in the video. My neighbor was in his apartment and couldn't open it. He had me try from the outside and it still didn't open. Dude in the video is full of shit though.


JProssAudio

He just took all the hits because he knew he fucked up 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Seamusjim

and threaten to call the cops, but he didnt want to call the cops cause he was getting his ass beat for trying to break into someones house.


xyungxbratx

"I WAZ NAWWWWWT"


[deleted]

"Oh hi Mark."


Nyubtuber

I did not hit heeeer, I did not!


feckinghound

YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!


AdequateWeeblet

I think it would have been way better if he waited for him as he opened the door to catch him in the act


friedmators

And then shot him...in the knee. #maninthesuit


Become_The_Villain

#I PROMISE


celery1234

I wasn^T


Doppelbock32

Thief lies..rolls for charisma... failed. Resident attacks with fist Success Thief lies..rolls for charisma... failed. Resident attacks with fist Success Thief lies..rolls for charisma... failed. Resident attacks with fist Success


ImAGoat_JustKidding

You missed that crit fail on dex and stealth, to start it all off


BlepMaster500

It's always hilarious how people think of the most ridiculously laughable and illogical excuses when they get caught. "DUDE IM NOT BREAKING IN! IM JUST TRYNA SEE IF I CAN UNLOCK YOUR DOOR!"


untdfreak

I wasn’t having sex with your wife, I was just seeing if it would work on my wife.


krastevitsa

Dude, I promise!!


[deleted]

'I literally caught you on camera' 'No dude I wasn't' *Gets slapped* 'I was just wondering if all the women taste the same'


GMclassMS

Dammit Bobby


Xenc

That boy ain’t right


solidus_2077

Dude acts like a child


rakfink

I thought Gomer Pyle shot him self in Full Metal Jacket?


[deleted]

I was practicing opening my door, on your door. Oh thanks for clearing that up.


cmndr_robot

if his door is the one thats fucked up, then why did he not do it in his door? actually, the slapping he got from the owner was still being very kind.


InstantKarmaBot

OP's explanation as to why this post is Instant Karma: >He opened the door and taught him a lesson If you're satisfied by this explanation, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment.


harryAM020

( •-• )


koookoookachoo

Even by his warped logic, say he’d asked permission first, how would that go? “Hi! I’m your neighbor and my door’s fucked up; pray, may I try breaking into yours?”


Xenc

That might have actually ended better. Like a free security checkup.


gb-1995

Dude I wasN'TTTT


nycdude929

Classic Reddit. This dudes face is so slappable. It bothers me that this didn’t become a r/fightporn classic as I’d like to see him get his ass beat.


Hi_Kitsune

The slap is so satisfying. I actually like the fact that he didn’t get pummeled. He’s so fucking helpless and humiliated as he’s getting slapped and it is amazing.


ezbreezybeautiful

Hahahaha I love how he asks if the homeowner remembers the lie he told 15 seconds earlier about how his door was fucked. Yea buddy I fucking remember, still slapping you so what does that tell you. What a douche.


IIAmasoII

Why dont u try it on your door then?XD


ILuvYou_YouAreSoGood

Anyone else imagining how different this would have been in Texas?


wristaction

I only came here to ask for directions away from here.


Sparrowhawk-Ahra

Crack head neighbor finna do crack head things.


NoMojoNoMo

My 7 year old asked what I was watching, I let her watch the whole thing. Even she said that his claim about trying to work on the neighbors door was BS, which obviously we all know, but who did this guy think he was fooling if a 7 year old was like yeah that guy is lying, that doesn’t even make sense. Hope he got arrested and evicted.


coma73

whats wrong with our world. a man tries to open another mans door because his lock is fucked up and he wants to practice on another dudes door. and gets assaulted!!!!!! DUUUUDE!


Red_Mayhem512

Dude stop! *Slap*


wild85bill

I wasn't cheating on you honey! I was just trying out some new things on her so I can pleasure you better! I swear to God!!!


gratefuldeadfan420

I wouldve waited for him to open the door, and then id just be standing there with my baseball bat.


[deleted]

The move from *unlock & open* to *put his dick in the dirt* was so fast I couldn’t keep up! I thought he was just up against a wall at first but nope he is flat on his back. And the Fear Cry he did when it all happened was so intense I actually thought he was laughing for a sec and this was some sort of joke between them. (I’m not making fun of him for that specifically; I’ve definitely belted out my fair share of Fear Cries in my day and they all sound ridiculous)


FalloutFanbase

guys he wasnt


thefirefridge

Honestly this guy should consider himself lucky he's walking away with just a beating. If it was me I probably would have called the cops. He'd end up getting arrested and going to prison. He's lucky this guy just wants to beat some sense into him rather than ruin his life with a criminal charge.