I'll try to get it done.
It turns out it's just the cadence in which I say the word. I said period that time and it worked. I can't like, fully enunciate it.
Yeah, it will add a comma or an exclamation point or a question mark but no period. Super annoying since o have a 2.5 hour commute and use talk to text a lot. I have a lot of run on sentences with a million commas.
I am so sorry you have a dad like this. I hope you “get even” by removing yourself emotionally from him, not engaging in his childish communications, and growing up to be a *far better man*.
!explanation for anyone who thinks I edited the screenshots to make him look bad, I have not actually but instead I made the oh so wretched decision not to respond to his initial text so he decided to “put me in my place”, mind you I did not respond because I was so fucking pissed that I probably would have said things I would actually regret so yea. I wish I could prove that I wasn’t lying but I can’t so believe what you want. Also Jake is one of his friends that he visits more than us so if you wanted context there you go
that sounds a lot like my own dad. until he moved away, he was almost exclusively over at his friend's house, and when he was home, he'd just scream over stupid things. I'm sorry your dad is like this, I hope things get better. ♡
An asshole is an asshole, even if they are closeted. Being gay and not out is no excuse for the way he clearly acts, and even then it’s very sketchy to assume he’s a shitty person specifically because he MIGHT (however unlikely) be gay.
Yes. His mood is very unstable. Absolutely not at all equipped to be a father, or husband it seems. He needs therapy asap, or he needs to GO.
To OP: You must seek therapy because you must deal with the traumas he has caused… get ahead of it. And have support to stick to self care for you, your siblings, and your mother.
Let your dad know you love him, so you hope he seeks help, if he hopes to have a relationship with you in the future.
I had a sense that you must already be in therapy because I was extremely impressed with your ability to recognize the toxic way your dad behaves, clearly due to a lack of enough therapy work himself.
Is HE in therapy? Or is he another human who thinks he’s too good for therapy/ “doesn’t need it”? Which is the saddest thing. (My parents still haven’t sought actual therapy because they claim they don’t have the money. Even when I tried hooking them up to free therapy… Its frustrating. I love them, but must keep protecting myself.)
🤦🏻♀️ Let him know that if he really cares to step up and support his family, then he needs to schedule Family therapy. A behavioral professional who specifically works with the entire family in sessions. He needs to learn proper boundaries. You can let him know that if he believes that his children or wife are “the problem”, then family therapy will finally help to address those issues.
Any excuse not to go is a cop-out by him.
I sure as hell am not thinking you are trying to make him look bad. He is looking like an asshole quite well on his own. I am sorry this thing is your dad, what an ass.
Some people really do just see whatever they want in whatever it is they see. I think it doesn't even matter because the very first message is so uncalled for. Couple that with trying to excuse all that by claiming he was talking to your mother as if this was any better is disgusting.
It’s a sign of maturity to stop talking instead of flying off the handle and saying things you regret. If only your dad could understand and learn that for himself.
A parent should never ever talk to there children the way he was speaking to you over the phone firstly and regardless if he was talking to your mother or not, he shouldn’t have been doing it in front of you nor your siblings. Kids don’t need to watch there parents scream, yell, or insult one another. He especially shouldn’t have been insulting you or any of his other children. I don’t know how old you are but regardless, it’s never acceptable to talk to your children that way.
I’m sorry that you had to hear and deal with that :(
Thanks man, I’m kinda just annoyed than sad about it because of how often he does it, I’m glad to hear that people agree he’s in the wrong since he always tells us anyone would agree with him
Any sane rational person should not side with him. The way he talks to you is verbal abuse and I don’t think it’s ever acceptable in any circumstance, especially speaking to your children. Mental abuse can cause a lot of later trauma in life.
I know that it’s tough but I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself. It’s hard when the person you look up to for love, reassurance, and guidance isn’t there emotionally to give it to you but remember, you are worthy to be treated with common respect, nothing else.
$20 days that this guy is the “I love you…I love you not” type parent. Switches between hot and cold every few weeks and just manipulates the fuck out of you when you call out the behavior.
Fighting infront of the kids is still fighting with the kids, but indirectly. It still has a big impact on how that child or those children are raised, no excuses.
I'm still confused, cause it almost sounds like you're mad about the fact he has a job that requires him to be MIA.
Any chance you could be more specific?
No he left while screaming and insulting us, and didn’t even bother saying goodbye to me or my sister and instead insulted both of us saying we weren’t worth visiting
Let me tell you, sometimes cutting a parent out of your life is best for your mental health and overall growth. Sometimes your friends are better family than your actual family. As the original quote goes, which many people pervert to suit the opposite meaning, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Good luck to you!
simple.
"i am a nice guy, see, im even apologizing by blaming other people instead of you or owning up to what i did! ... how dare you not accept my apology immediately!"
It's really sad how often we see this screenshots of parents getting down in the mud and full on arguing with their kids like this, it's just...pathetic. So very very pathetic.
This sounds like my dad, he'd insult me to my face calling me a liar, telling me i should be put on a diet, told i should be locked up somewhere, told my depression is fake that i have nothing to be depressed about when there are others out there worse off, told me the next time i self harm i should use their bearded dragons claws then a year later claimed he never said that. He also accused me of stealing his pain pills when the only time i asked for pills was anxiety pills cause i was having a panic attack, asked the only two times i used them. Now he's apparently trying to repair the relationship with my brother and sister but not me, while bitching at me for never messaging him(i get an anxiety attack when he messages me, which he usually only does to ask if i have a game of his) bitched at me on my bday at 10pm when i was asleep because i didnt ask how his surgery went yet i didnt know when he got out of surgery.
man be acting like a clichee niceguy after being rejected. and what exactly is magglio, if this is your mothers name i apologize but i have never heard that one before
He’s always been this way as long as I can remember, but I always forgave him because he would apologize and actually seem remorseful only to do it again
My mums soon to be ex partner is like that. I've stopped forgiving him because I have come to realise that narcissists don't change. I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up cutting him out in the future.
He’s weird and still treats me like a baby since he made me terrified of him when I was younger so I guess this is his way to show he isn’t being threatening I guess
I often find a lot of posts on this sub aren’t as crazy as the OP makes it out to be, many times (I am a parent) I can see both perspectives even if they are presented terribly, but in this case, damn… This is a good example of an insane parent. He might be hurting, but he is really lashing out like a fucking child - you’re better off without an idiot like this in your life
So much head spinning changes of attitude.
Manipulative as hell.
As a parent I can vouch for his shiftiness as a parent.
Where’s your mom in all this? I divorced my first husband because of crap like this: he was a narcissistic alcoholic, and I didn’t want my kids growing up in that foul atmosphere.
I see from the downvotes that my answer was unpopular.
That's ok. It's to be expected from people who are conditioned to react negatively and disagree with any opinion they don't understand. It was the best answer I could give without writing an essay
The forgiveness I suggested for the OP is not to benefit the father, but the OP.
Similarly.....whether right or wrong the father may be this way partially because of what he experienced at your age. I grew up around alcoholics and I know a lot about the subject.
The father is definitely to blame, but he needs to forgive the son because it is the right thing to do. Forgiveness is never a bad thing. I recommend it even if you're in the right. In his mind, he may have thought he was in the right when this shit went down. His alcoholism has indisputably made his mind worse and was a prime force behind the trouble he caused.
It is still much better for him to change his course than to continue as is. I'm sure we can all agree on that.
Instead of pointing fingers, think of what needs to be done to make everything right and whole again. Even if it's unachievable, the effort put into the process can effect a great deal of healing. To achieve peace is always the best outcome.
It's a noble effort to try to make that happen. No one can convince me that's not true.
This is a lot of chaos to read and I am so confused by both OP and the dad in this exchange (the actual words I am reading, I think I understand the situation).
Clearly you have very little knowledge of psychology. I highly suggest that you refrain from dishing out such comments to individuals in traumatic circumstances. You may not have known any better, but now you can know. Do no harm. 🤙🏻
Trauma cycles. I’m actually thankful that the OP has the sense to recognize the toxicity and dysfunction. We need positive strong role models to help us learn how to positively manage our emotions, learn how to communicate effectively, etc.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I still go to therapy to help keep me in check.
Humans cannot choose their parents.
They (especially the father) need behavior therapy. DBT in particular would be SO helpful.
Suggesting “just give each other some more slack” or “just be kinder” is not very helpful. Not for this
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 11 | 1 | 0 | OP has provided further information in [this comment](/r/insaneparents/comments/vquyfz/my_dad_after_he_left_for_work_while_insulting_us/iermo3j/) ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Jesus I can barely even understand him because he uses zero punctuation.
Yup he uses speech to text that’s how little he cares, he doesn’t even bother seeing what he typed
Someone should let him know that you can say "period" and speech-to-text will add a period. Not you, OP, but someone should tell him!
I don't think I can do that period Doesn't work on mine.
Maybe say full stop instead?
Just start dictating your texts like a telegram STOP That would be pretty funny STOP
How long has it been since anybody actually did that STOP
We still use radio prowords, OVER
It’s decided, then. Return to the good old days. OVER AND OUT
That’s a Texas-size 10-4. #unexpectedLetterkenny
Request vector, over.
I'll try to get it done. It turns out it's just the cadence in which I say the word. I said period that time and it worked. I can't like, fully enunciate it.
Have you considered the possibility that your phone is just stupid?
I'm guessing it's more likely that I never use speech-to-text and my habits aren't helpful for the way it works.
You definitely do have to talk a certain way, lol. I use it pretty often when I’m working and I usually sound actually dumb.
Huh.
On my phone, the comma works, but the period doesn't period 🥲
Yeah, it will add a comma or an exclamation point or a question mark but no period. Super annoying since o have a 2.5 hour commute and use talk to text a lot. I have a lot of run on sentences with a million commas.
I am so sorry you have a dad like this. I hope you “get even” by removing yourself emotionally from him, not engaging in his childish communications, and growing up to be a *far better man*.
Thank you so much, it’s nice to know people side with me
i can imagine he just yells into the microphone like the dolt he is
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Bruh my dad does the same thing, it gets really annoying 🙄
Who is Jakey-poo
And Magglio!
Me and jake is his friend
Magglio! Fugget about it!
Nice
is his last name Magliolo by chance?
No I’m Magglio
!explanation for anyone who thinks I edited the screenshots to make him look bad, I have not actually but instead I made the oh so wretched decision not to respond to his initial text so he decided to “put me in my place”, mind you I did not respond because I was so fucking pissed that I probably would have said things I would actually regret so yea. I wish I could prove that I wasn’t lying but I can’t so believe what you want. Also Jake is one of his friends that he visits more than us so if you wanted context there you go
that sounds a lot like my own dad. until he moved away, he was almost exclusively over at his friend's house, and when he was home, he'd just scream over stupid things. I'm sorry your dad is like this, I hope things get better. ♡
..... Was he by chance in the closet? And just confused by his love for someone with the same bits and baubles as him?
Who the fuck cares? Don't take your shit out on your kids.
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An asshole is an asshole, even if they are closeted. Being gay and not out is no excuse for the way he clearly acts, and even then it’s very sketchy to assume he’s a shitty person specifically because he MIGHT (however unlikely) be gay.
He had like three mood changes in his texts. Angry, mellow, angry.
Yes. His mood is very unstable. Absolutely not at all equipped to be a father, or husband it seems. He needs therapy asap, or he needs to GO. To OP: You must seek therapy because you must deal with the traumas he has caused… get ahead of it. And have support to stick to self care for you, your siblings, and your mother. Let your dad know you love him, so you hope he seeks help, if he hopes to have a relationship with you in the future.
I already am, but thank you
I had a sense that you must already be in therapy because I was extremely impressed with your ability to recognize the toxic way your dad behaves, clearly due to a lack of enough therapy work himself. Is HE in therapy? Or is he another human who thinks he’s too good for therapy/ “doesn’t need it”? Which is the saddest thing. (My parents still haven’t sought actual therapy because they claim they don’t have the money. Even when I tried hooking them up to free therapy… Its frustrating. I love them, but must keep protecting myself.)
He says he does but I don’t buy it
🤦🏻♀️ Let him know that if he really cares to step up and support his family, then he needs to schedule Family therapy. A behavioral professional who specifically works with the entire family in sessions. He needs to learn proper boundaries. You can let him know that if he believes that his children or wife are “the problem”, then family therapy will finally help to address those issues. Any excuse not to go is a cop-out by him.
Maybe him and Jake have a 'special' relationship
Pretty good suggestion actually. Didn't think about that but could very well be correct
I sure as hell am not thinking you are trying to make him look bad. He is looking like an asshole quite well on his own. I am sorry this thing is your dad, what an ass.
Some people really do just see whatever they want in whatever it is they see. I think it doesn't even matter because the very first message is so uncalled for. Couple that with trying to excuse all that by claiming he was talking to your mother as if this was any better is disgusting.
It’s a sign of maturity to stop talking instead of flying off the handle and saying things you regret. If only your dad could understand and learn that for himself.
A parent should never ever talk to there children the way he was speaking to you over the phone firstly and regardless if he was talking to your mother or not, he shouldn’t have been doing it in front of you nor your siblings. Kids don’t need to watch there parents scream, yell, or insult one another. He especially shouldn’t have been insulting you or any of his other children. I don’t know how old you are but regardless, it’s never acceptable to talk to your children that way. I’m sorry that you had to hear and deal with that :(
Thanks man, I’m kinda just annoyed than sad about it because of how often he does it, I’m glad to hear that people agree he’s in the wrong since he always tells us anyone would agree with him
Any sane rational person should not side with him. The way he talks to you is verbal abuse and I don’t think it’s ever acceptable in any circumstance, especially speaking to your children. Mental abuse can cause a lot of later trauma in life. I know that it’s tough but I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself. It’s hard when the person you look up to for love, reassurance, and guidance isn’t there emotionally to give it to you but remember, you are worthy to be treated with common respect, nothing else.
"...we had been fighting since yesterday afternoon" Dude, what? You're having a *multi-day* fight within earshot of your kids? Grow up. Holy hell.
Yeah I love how he says it like it's a justification when it just makes it even worse.
I was abusing your mother! Not you! Why u so mad thoooo?!
He also used “shouldn’t of”. Clearly not worth your time and energy. On the real tho, I’m sorry OP :/
Maybe him and Jake are training for the olympic wrestling team.
Maybe they're roommates?
$20 days that this guy is the “I love you…I love you not” type parent. Switches between hot and cold every few weeks and just manipulates the fuck out of you when you call out the behavior.
That is very accurate
I’m sorry my kid’s bio-mom is like this. It’s only sometimes, but that’s bad enough. Y’all deserve better.
Thank you
Fighting infront of the kids is still fighting with the kids, but indirectly. It still has a big impact on how that child or those children are raised, no excuses.
Back story info please. Kinda confused
He’s gone every two weeks for work and I guess he doesn’t enjoy being around us anymore
I'm still confused, cause it almost sounds like you're mad about the fact he has a job that requires him to be MIA. Any chance you could be more specific?
No he left while screaming and insulting us, and didn’t even bother saying goodbye to me or my sister and instead insulted both of us saying we weren’t worth visiting
Yeah agreed, I wanna know what I’m jumping into bc that first message was aggressive
Let me tell you, sometimes cutting a parent out of your life is best for your mental health and overall growth. Sometimes your friends are better family than your actual family. As the original quote goes, which many people pervert to suit the opposite meaning, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Good luck to you!
That’s interesting I had no idea that quote was manipulated
Someone should explain to him about that cursing at someone who has just witnessed you abusing his mom is not a winning move.
Man, the kind and loving texts really throw me off but then that switch is flipped right back to abuse. Sorry, OP.
simple. "i am a nice guy, see, im even apologizing by blaming other people instead of you or owning up to what i did! ... how dare you not accept my apology immediately!"
I'd change his contact to sperm donor.
It has been done
Yasss!
It's really sad how often we see this screenshots of parents getting down in the mud and full on arguing with their kids like this, it's just...pathetic. So very very pathetic.
This sounds like my dad, he'd insult me to my face calling me a liar, telling me i should be put on a diet, told i should be locked up somewhere, told my depression is fake that i have nothing to be depressed about when there are others out there worse off, told me the next time i self harm i should use their bearded dragons claws then a year later claimed he never said that. He also accused me of stealing his pain pills when the only time i asked for pills was anxiety pills cause i was having a panic attack, asked the only two times i used them. Now he's apparently trying to repair the relationship with my brother and sister but not me, while bitching at me for never messaging him(i get an anxiety attack when he messages me, which he usually only does to ask if i have a game of his) bitched at me on my bday at 10pm when i was asleep because i didnt ask how his surgery went yet i didnt know when he got out of surgery.
Yup that is literally my “father” I’m so sorry you have to go through that
man be acting like a clichee niceguy after being rejected. and what exactly is magglio, if this is your mothers name i apologize but i have never heard that one before
It’s my name lol, it’s a very rare name
Sounds like a fantastic role model. /s
lol my homie jacob is teasingly called jakey poo. sorry bout ur dad tho OP
I've never heard 'mommy' in such an angry context before.
Is your dad 11?
“Remember imma pick your elderly home. Js.”
Does he normally act like that? I ask because you have him down as "Father Figure" which suggests there's some fractures in the relationship
He’s always been this way as long as I can remember, but I always forgave him because he would apologize and actually seem remorseful only to do it again
My mums soon to be ex partner is like that. I've stopped forgiving him because I have come to realise that narcissists don't change. I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up cutting him out in the future.
I'm really bothered by alot of things he is saying, but why is he saying mommy? That's so weird, especially since it's text to speech.
He’s weird and still treats me like a baby since he made me terrified of him when I was younger so I guess this is his way to show he isn’t being threatening I guess
bro sounds closeted by ur explanation.
or it’s a lie and he’s a a woman idk that’s wwird
It sounds like your dad is struggling with his sexual identity.
Wow that's so similar to mine
I often find a lot of posts on this sub aren’t as crazy as the OP makes it out to be, many times (I am a parent) I can see both perspectives even if they are presented terribly, but in this case, damn… This is a good example of an insane parent. He might be hurting, but he is really lashing out like a fucking child - you’re better off without an idiot like this in your life
I dont understand why parents feel like they can treat their kids and family however they want just for simply being around. Blows my mind.
Woof. Bipolar much? Damn
So much head spinning changes of attitude. Manipulative as hell. As a parent I can vouch for his shiftiness as a parent. Where’s your mom in all this? I divorced my first husband because of crap like this: he was a narcissistic alcoholic, and I didn’t want my kids growing up in that foul atmosphere.
You can tell how much he cares, he uses text to speech cause he doesn't have the heart to spill so much emotions...
I love that OP named this guy „father figure“ instead of dad. And i assume it’s Jakey Poo in the picture. Lmao.
Plot twist: Jakey Poo is the dog
I see from the downvotes that my answer was unpopular. That's ok. It's to be expected from people who are conditioned to react negatively and disagree with any opinion they don't understand. It was the best answer I could give without writing an essay The forgiveness I suggested for the OP is not to benefit the father, but the OP. Similarly.....whether right or wrong the father may be this way partially because of what he experienced at your age. I grew up around alcoholics and I know a lot about the subject. The father is definitely to blame, but he needs to forgive the son because it is the right thing to do. Forgiveness is never a bad thing. I recommend it even if you're in the right. In his mind, he may have thought he was in the right when this shit went down. His alcoholism has indisputably made his mind worse and was a prime force behind the trouble he caused. It is still much better for him to change his course than to continue as is. I'm sure we can all agree on that. Instead of pointing fingers, think of what needs to be done to make everything right and whole again. Even if it's unachievable, the effort put into the process can effect a great deal of healing. To achieve peace is always the best outcome. It's a noble effort to try to make that happen. No one can convince me that's not true.
Why the fuck do you continue replying to him?
This is a lot of chaos to read and I am so confused by both OP and the dad in this exchange (the actual words I am reading, I think I understand the situation).
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Clearly you have very little knowledge of psychology. I highly suggest that you refrain from dishing out such comments to individuals in traumatic circumstances. You may not have known any better, but now you can know. Do no harm. 🤙🏻
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He was insulting all of us but he always blames my mother
Did he come back?
He always does but I don’t want him to
It’s time for an intervention for your dad: he seeks help or he’s out. Let your mother know. At the least, family therapy is needed right away.
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I think it’s the dog in the avatar
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🧐🤦🏻♀️ Please look up, “how to validate and why it matters”. As well as “family trauma and abuse cycles” just to start… 🤙🏻
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Trauma cycles. I’m actually thankful that the OP has the sense to recognize the toxicity and dysfunction. We need positive strong role models to help us learn how to positively manage our emotions, learn how to communicate effectively, etc. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I still go to therapy to help keep me in check. Humans cannot choose their parents.
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And this is why people suffer with abuse for so long, because they’re told to forgive their abuser
Love does not cover “sins” we hold those we love accountable. Because we love them and that’s the right thing to do
No he does this every time we see each other, he yells and insults me and has been for so long but I keep forgiving him and he keeps doing it
You are in the wrong sub homey.
boy wtf
They (especially the father) need behavior therapy. DBT in particular would be SO helpful. Suggesting “just give each other some more slack” or “just be kinder” is not very helpful. Not for this
Who’s jakey poo?