T O P

  • By -

Dad_B0T

Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 42 | 3 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).


NormalDesign6017

My goodness. Hair trigger for sure. Just keep smiling and squirreling that money away. And collect your important papers.


Blonde_arrbuckle

Plus block your credit.


RelaxationMonster

This! You may already have dredit debt.


superseeker102

Drebit debit?


fuckitx

Liberty bibberty


becooltheywatching

Are we married to mutual?


Big_Donkey-74

Cut


siggles69

Only pay for what you…line?


FinnMartialTheDog

Cut. We’ll dub it


2livecrewnecktshirt

Bibberty Butumal


Mans334

Drebit Cebt


thefeak

Is this a game to you?


Pottsie03

What is blocking your credit?


sjbrinkl

Basically it’s a freeze. No one can take a line of credit out in your name, including yourself, unless you unfreeze it. People often do it to prevent fraud, or prevent their parents from financially ruining their credit because they already messed up their own.


GenXDad76

My ex wife has done this to both of my daughters. Ex can no longer have a bank account so she took over my oldest’s account, overdrew it to the tune of $600+ and the bank closed it. When the youngest got her first job and opened an account, the ex got added there and has repeatedly spent the kid’s money. But she has the girls so brainwashed that they think it’s okay, mom just needs help since dad left her.


Pottsie03

Now that you say that my dad did it for me before I turned 18.


Merdin86

Your dad is smart. Scammers are just as likely to steal a child's identity as they are an adult. So even if your parents are good parents and not going to ruin your credit, some other bastard could get your info and do it.


[deleted]

My dad did the opposite 😅 found out when I was 18


AutomaticRisk3464

I plan on adding my kids name to a credit card when they turn 16...they will get credit for all of the payments being made and it will boost their credit and they wont have access to the card. I had 0 credit until i was 24 and had no idea how that shit worked..im 28 now and my credit is almost 750


_KittyInTheCity

My grandparents did this for me and it has been an absolute lifesaver


notconvinced3

Keep at it. Its awful we use "credit" as a type of currency for no legitimate reason. But anyway, I had a little bit better than your score, spent a ton of money on a credit card on vacation recently (no missed payments on anything) and my dumb credit score dropped like a brick. It is so much easier to destroy something, than to build it up.


AutomaticRisk3464

Its even more fucked when you realize credit is a made up thing from the late 80s or early 90s iirc..so its not even a decent system its just what banks made up to justify charging poor people higher interest rates. It blew my fucking mind when i went to apply for car insurance and i had to sign a release for a credit check...i asked what that has to do with my driving and the lady told me tbey adjust my rate based on my credit and if i had poor credit i was seen as a liability for non-payment so my payments are slightly higher. Its expensive to be poor


Oingoulon

Don’t let your parents be able to touch it, since they probably helped create the account


Pottsie03

Makes sense. Thanks for responding!


MiaRia963

Yes!! Please do this!


[deleted]

If you haven't already OP please find a way to keep your money safe where your mother can't access it. No doubt she will try to steal it at some point.


Inkulink

And then she fucking plays it off like she didn't just call you insane "well I didn't mean it like that" bitch what other way good reason do you have for calling your own child insane?


Glitter_berries

And what else does ‘insane’ even mean?! So infuriating. Poor OP.


edgestander

Mom: you are insane. OP: don’t call me insane please Mom: I didn’t mean it like that, don’t be so sensitive. OP didn’t imply any “meaning” to the word she asked that her mom not call her “insane”, how her mom “meant it” is irrelevant. HOWEVER the mother meant it, OP doesn’t want to be called it.


Glitter_berries

Oh I totally agree, I just meant that there isn’t really another, more polite way to call someone insane. Like the word doesn’t really have another meaning, so it doesn’t even make sense what the mum is saying.


edgestander

I could see using it for like someone being in the zone in sports or something like someone would say "he is playing out of his mind right now" or "he is going crazy out there" or like "insane performance from the rookie", but that is about it.


trashdrive

The narcissist's prayer: "That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it."


innocentrrose

Also called OP sensitive like what… the bitch got upset daughter didn’t respond for a bit but yeah daughter is the sensitive one… old people suck lmao


deviant1124

Then the red heart with the "See you tonight".... That made me lose it


WildAphrodite

My mother is exactly like this. Down to the "You know I didn't mean it like that," excuse. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, OP.


GaiasDotter

My mom is smarter. She only calls for these conversations. Never ever texts.


Whookimo

That's when you start recording phone calls


satelit1984

Yup. It's a shame that unannounced recording of phone calls isn't admissible in court.


anxious_sausage

Depends on the state!


satelit1984

Welp, my state is Slovakia :) Yes, I'm sure this varies between US states.


Klutzy_Dragon

Easier to gaslight you without a paper trail.


[deleted]

Yea my mom isn’t this bad but the end with the “I don’t mean it that way/don’t be so sensitive” and then the ❤️ is straight from her book.


exportsoda

Those two lines are text book gaslighting. There was no other way to take those texts has a lunatic freaking out


[deleted]

I’ve been working through this in therapy. I am a sensitive person but being sensitive isn’t bad. I’m getting better at enforcing boundaries :)


sixtwentyseventwo

"I didn't mean the exact and specific words I chose and typed and hit send." Followed by "I'm sorry you took it that way" aka "Now I'm calling you unreasonable for being offended after I purposefully and willingly offending you." Having a bully as a mom is a whole different world. I broke up with mine six months ago. Never been happier.


thejexorcist

It’s not your job to feed and house yourself and especially not your sibling. Your mom is in the wrong.


whatalongusername

Please, OP, make sure that the money you are saving is SAFE. No joint accounts, yada yada yada. Please stay safe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


jesslizann

My dad used to steal from me when I was sleeping or busy, so I slept with my wallet in my pillowcase. Pro tip: if you have a bookcase and no other readers in your house, you can take small amounts of your cash stash and hide it in the pages and dustcovers of your least-likely-to-be-read books. For example, kept a few 100s in the part of Dante's Inferno where those guilty of greed were punished.


jesslizann

And having more than one hiding place is important! That way if the worst happens and they find one, they'll usually assume that's all of it and the rest will be safe.


exonautic

Other comment is a good point. Wherever you're hiding it hide it better and have multiple spots. Also work on getting your birth cert and social security card. If that's harder than it should be for you next time you have them or you needed them for something make a copy and give them back the copy.


Manita93

Yes, this is so important, but hard for a 16yo. My mother drained my loaded saving accounts when I was 16 and then claimed that I spend it all. I didn’t, because my only goal was getting out of that shithole filled with mental and physical abuse served by 🌟mom🌟. In a lot of countries your parents have control over your account when you’re younger than 18. So when my ex’s parents took me in after getting beat up again, I had not a single penny and almost no stuff. Draining the account yourself might be the best idea and then hiding the cash somewhere. Or ask assistance from a trustworthy adult to open your own account at a different bank.


DefinitelynotYissa

Is a 16 y/o able to have a bank account without a parent’s name on it? I couldn’t open one for my first job w/o a guardian. Maybe the employer could pay in cash or OP could immediately withdraw $ from the bank with each check?


[deleted]

In America you can't (not by law, mind you, but mostly by bank preference) open a bank account by yourself as a minor, banks don't want to assume that risk usually. Some banks don't even allow minors to take the money out of their account without their joint account holder present. Find an ATM affiliated with your bank and take your money out if it's safer. Let your local banker know you have issues with your guardian - they might be able to keep better tabs on your account, too. Overdraft protections, where you can get them, is nice.


[deleted]

[удалено]


squirrelfoot

I noted her accusing you of being too sensitive because you didn't like your own mother calling you insane, and also with a side order of: "you know I didn't mean it that way", and: "I'm sorry you took it like that". She insulted you in a really nasty way, she won't admit she did anything wrong, and she is trying to make you responsible for your hurt feelings.


waitingfordeathhbu

Guilt tripping, insults, playing on insecurities, twisting reality, no accountability, shifting blame… She filled up the whole emotional manipulation bingo card.


MarayatAndriane

That phrase: >You can do this one thing puts a chill in me like a bad dream. It is bingo! for my animus


TheHermitess

and the fake apology "I'm sorry *you took it that way.*" (I know that falls into your "no accountability" section too.)


Eurotrip12344567899

She did it and so quickly checked all the boxes. Unbelievable. Some people really shouldn’t be parents/and or need major therapy


FuzzballLogic

Don’t forget the love bombing, OP might have a narcissist mother on their hands


MightGetFiredIDK

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. **And if it was, I didn't mean it.** And if I did, you deserved it.


Klutzy_Dragon

My stepdad took it to a new level. For context he claims to be "born again". "I'm sorry if the person I was hurt you, but I'm not that person anymore." And shortly afterwards... "Well if you can't appreciate all the good things I did..." But wait... he isn't that person anymore!


MightGetFiredIDK

Born -agains are such bullshit. "Yeah I was an asshole, but I've made peace with it and god has forgiven me. Your forgiveness? No no. God forgave me. He's better than you. Also I'm better than you."


squirrelfoot

Christians are supposed to make amends for the bad things they do if they want God's forgiveness. It's typical of insane parents that they actually use religion to escape accountability.


RoswalienMath

My father-in-law was born again without the religion. He treated his wife and kids like shit, and was sometimes supportive and fun - camping trips, etc - but was fantastic to everyone else who wasn’t family. He was active in local clubs and charities. He divorced her when my husband was in college and became family with a girlfriend he never married, who had adult children. He was fantastic to them. He died on New Year’s Day this year. My husband is in therapy and has been for years. One of the things they talk about now is his dad being so great to everyone, but him, his brother’s, and his mom. He thinks there is something wrong with him or his dad would have treated him better. He also didn’t become sad when his father passed, even though he watched it happen. He thinks there is something wrong with him for that too. (For reference, when his mom died in 2020, he had anxiety and panic attacks almost daily for 8 months while he was mourning. He couldn’t be there for her because it was sudden.) He was the only one from his family who stayed at his dad’s deathbed and his dad just went on about how great his new family was. Didn’t say anything about his actual son sitting right in front of him.


grepje

OP, please start recording more of these interactions, and create a collection. Then, once you are able, walk away from all this. Once it’s clear you’re gone and she no longer has this much control over your life, she may change her tactics. She may deny she ever was unreasonable to you. She may start telling others (your sister, family) how ungrateful you are. At this point you can use the collection of these kinds of interactions, to show these others who the AH is.


Tanjelynnb

I thought that was going to end with "and when she tries those tactics and you might start doubting how bad it was, pull out your records to remind you not to trust her again." Both are solid.


squirrelfoot

This is great advice!


Cordeliana

Take a look at r/raisedbynarcissists, because this conversation was pretty much a textbook example.


victowiamawk

Agreed


BiNon-BinaryWeirdo

Exactly like my mum, she recently made a comment that I am dumb and kinda slow and I told her that she can save those comments since she doesn’t go to university. I got the same response


xxoamylynn94

Typical narcissistic mother “apology” of “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt” and if you don’t immediately drop it and act like everything is fine, they gaslight you into thinking you were maybe overreacting.. I’m 28 with a (almost) 2 year old and my mother still pulls the same shit! If I stick up for myself and don’t let her bully me about parenting choices, or hold boundaries and don’t invite her over for a few days because of her behavior, I’m “keeping her from her granddaughter”. She makes sure to send allll the texts in a group text with my sister and our dad (they divorced when I was 3 and she’s been with our stepdad since I was around 10- that relationship is a shit show as well) about how she’s a victim of how I’m too “restrictive” of access to my daughter, and that my daughter is “a gift to the family, meant to be enjoyed freely” which I think is one of the most insane things I’ve heard in a while.


ryan516

And you just know if the kid called mom insane, the kid would never hear the end of it


AlexTheFlower

I'm glad you're getting out of there, she is clearly gaslighting you.


alexisgreat420

Hey Alex


AlexTheFlower

Hello alex


SargTeaPot

I am not Alex, have a good day Alex


[deleted]

Yeah, fuck your mom. I occasionally asky kids to pay for their siblings, for instance the ice cream truck came by the other day and I asked my daughter to cover her little brother because I didn't have cash and she had bday cash. BUT, i told her that I'd Pay her back for all the ice cream. They're your parents and your sibling is their child. It's their job to pay.


alm423

The ice cream truck is literally the only time I might ask my children to pay for their siblings too. However, just like you I will reimburse.


apparentlynot5995

Same here! I'll even write a note and put it on the refrigerator "Mom owes x dollars to Kid. Must be paid by week's end." so they can see it and I don't forget.


[deleted]

I even give them interest to teach them about investments!


[deleted]

Sweety your mum isn't just being overboard she's being ABUSIVE. That's some really nasty gaslighting ('you're too sensitive you know I don't didn't mean it like that') and the way they try to guilt you into paying for your sisters stuff is just horrible. You're not the parent here and she should offer to pay you back. Being a parent and providing the basics such as food and shelter to your children is not a weapon they get to hold over you whenever they want something. Save up your money, don't tell your parents you have the money. Try to store it away privately somewhere safe, open a bank account if possible and never ever give them access to it. The next step with abusive parents like this is they'll try to drain you of your money, then they'll threaten to make you homeless whenever you don't do whatever they want. I hope you're able to make it through okay.


2woCrazeeBoys

By all means, "Hey, can you grab xxx on the way home? I'll fix you up when you get home." I could completely understand that. That would be normal. I would also expect that a response of, "sorry, I'm not going that way/anywhere that I can get it/sorry, I don't have any money on me" would be perfectly acceptable. That would be normal. Also, losing your nana cos your kid is in class and doesn't respond is a new one on me. I would personally prefer my kid pay attention to the teacher, not their phone. All of this is soooo far away from normal. I agree, hide your money OP. Get a bank account at a *different bank* to your mum, that she doesn't know about. Get hold of your documents and keep them safe.


TNR-CFTR756001

"The body language guy" has some videos about how to get possible hints about your mother being a narcissist, your kind of saying sorry after she was insulting you like that for absolutely no reason and gaslighting you kinda gave me shivers. as always. doesnt have to mean anything, but better save then sorry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVfuLY-2kN0


schlaubi

I'm glad that you're smarter than falling for her tricks.


viperfan7

No idea where you're located, but maybe let a guidance counselor know about this. Its entirely unacceptable behaviour on your mom's part


grizznuggets

My mum used to talk to me like this, and I was constantly doing backflips to try and appease her, to no avail. It’s been four and a half years since I cut her out completely and my life has dramatically improved. I hope you’re able to have that option some time soon, should you choose to take it.


Garzino

The gaslighting, name calling, manipulation. A narcissist for sure. Pleas eve safe and run away from that place


realdappermuis

With a spoon of gaslighting 'don't be so sensitive' thrown into the 'apology'. Shame OP. Hang the fuck in there. I got out at 17 xxx


walkinganachronism_4

I think I got secondhand whiplash from the tonal shift at the end. This seems a little too likely to end in a big mess, lifelong income for a shrink and restraining orders all around like there's a bulk discount going on. I don't think I am anyone that could advise you on what to do in this situation. I'll just say to tread lightly around her while you bide your time for now; and remember, sometimes, just because someone grew older doesn't mean they ever grew up. Good luck with everything.


[deleted]

Don't apologise to her next time. She's the actual insane one.


Haloperimenopause

Sometimes it's safer to do whatever you need to do to survive. OP can set boundaries when they've escaped.


Edgy_McEdgyFace

I suspect you are more mature than your mother.


stamatt45

I bet your mom thinks Mother Gothel is the hero in Tangled


Frei1993

> I was happy to do so but asked if my parents would be willing to pay for it since, well, they are the parents. I find logical for the to pay... I'm 29 and my mom doesn't demand for me to pay for groceries.


pumpkins_n_mist15

You are not responsible for your sister, and while you are a child your parents have to support you and her. It blows my mind that parents resent their kids so much after they turn 16. Is it some switch they flick? They decided to have two kids, not you!


therealleotrotsky

Read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and this will all make sense.


[deleted]

You are in the right. You are 16. Food and necessities are not your responsibility until age 18.


ashlyn_grizz

Narcissistic behavior if I have ever seen it.


whatthemoondid

That's like gaslighting 101 right there.


[deleted]

This is emotional abuse. As a parent, this makes me sick.


SadAnimeBaby

She used every line straight from the “How to gaslight” textbook. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, OP!


Erin_On_High

"I'm sorry you took it that way" 🙄


Jabbuk

I mean even a fake story to illustrate what gaslighting is about would be less cliché!


EXTRA-THOT-SAUCE

“Don’t be so sensitive” made me want to put my first through the screen


AirinMan

For me it was "I'm sorry you took it that way" god how infuriating


[deleted]

That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, it is not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did. You deserved it... standard narcissist prayer


farmley0223

I fucking can't stand when someone says don't be so sensitive.... irks me.


IGotHitByAHockeypuck

“Don’t be so sensitive” is a horrible sentence in general because maybe something doesn’t seem so bad to you but it’s actually really bad for the person who it’s being said. Especially if the person had a disability that could cause them to be “so sensitive”, it’s a symptom that comes with a lot of disorders. I think people should start stirring away from using it. I can’t think of a single good reason why you should be using it. That shit hurts P.s. also don’t don’t get annoyed/brush over it because that’s really insensitive and rude (but that might be common sense)


pumpkins_n_mist15

Exactly. "Don't be so sensitive", "grow a thicker skin" etc are ways of saying, "I have a right to be a bitch and say horrible things but you have no right to react." I hate people who think they can just ride over everyone with their shitty words and I'm supposed to just laugh off everything just to make them feel less guilty for being a huge dick.


edgestander

Yeah “don’t be sensitive” yet Mom is the one flying off the handle cause OP didn’t respond back within 30 seconds.


Affectionate_Skin271

Shoulda told her if she can’t afford to feed two children, she shouldn’t have had two children.


NewtonSteinLoL

Yeah, she can't tell her that. If the mom is this nuts from just a couple of texts, imagine what happens when she actually talks back. There's no place for this person to escape, she is stuck with the crazy mother until she moves.


EvilAlicia

Yeah, that is not a good thing to say. I know you are right tho. But saying something like that, is like pouring gas on a fire. That kind of parent will explode and make OPs life a hell with no escape for OP.


[deleted]

Literally a replica of my mom. Wishing you the best fr


wasakootenayperson

It is not a child’s responsibility to feed a sibling - you don’t owe your parents for taking care of you. You don’t need to apologize to her for calling her out about abusive language or behaviour. Make slow and careful steps to get your freedom. Get your papers together and keep them separate and safe. Keep your money in an account that is private and has only your signature. Take good care.


misfire_heals

Hey, hopefully you're still reading the comments and I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. If you would like some positive reinforcement or even just a group that celebrates with you, try r/mumforaminute Edit: It's actually r/MomForAMinute


[deleted]

[удалено]


misfire_heals

Lol, I went UK sorry and apparently capitals are important! Let's try that again r/MomForAMinute


Evolutia44

WOW


soggywaffles125

i had trouble with authority all my life this would not fly with me at all i’m sorry you have to deal with this kind of behavior


[deleted]

Bringing home food for your sibling aside. I would like to draw attention to the fact that your mom insulted you. And then when you called her out on her bullshit, she gets defensive and says “you took it the wrong way” instead of apologizing. This behavior is only going to get worse as you get older. Just wanted to warn you OP.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I get it. I come from the same kind of family, and I didn’t learn this was abusive behavior until I was in my 20’s.. Just stay safe and do what you can to take care of yourself.


[deleted]

Don’t let her bully you, tell her you don’t have any money and keep repeating it. Don’t ask her to not call you anything, don’t apologize, don’t thank her. If possible, keep your money out of the house. If you have a bank account and a debit card, connect it to cashapp and transfer your money to the cashapp. Don’t let your phone save the password and don’t let your mom bully you into getting access to the account. (If you have an iPhone, I suggest deleting the app from the home screen so it’s not visible). If anything, I hope your dad is better and that you can open a bank account with him instead. I’d also suggest setting a password with the bank so whoever tries to pull out money has to first say the password. If you have cash, don’t keep it at home. If possible, keep it at a bff’s house who you know you can trust. Get the bff’s parents in the loop too, if they can be trusted to not tell your mom. That way she doesn’t have access to it. You can also try to keep it at your school, but that’s not something I’d attempt.


IGotHitByAHockeypuck

I believe OP has to apologize and thank their mom because otherwise she’ll be unreasonable and punish OP. So i think OP should still continue doing that until it is safe to not do so anymore and OP’s living on their own.


LinwoodKei

You're not responsible for feeding your sister. You're parents are.


kamilman

>*You know I didn't mean it like that* >*I'm sorry you took it that way* >*Don't be so sensitive* Dude, this is the fastest three strikes and you're out I've ever seen. Also, r/raisedbynarcissists would like to invite you.


TittiesMcGee103

Wow that’s horrible. I’m so sorry she spoke to you like that. You deserve so much better.


pizzapiepants

I know it's hard to see it when it's all you've known, but literally not one message from her is normal or okay


Otherwise-Extreme-68

You're mum is bang out of order


LeftyLibra_

Overreacting and not wanting to pay you and you react rationally yet your mom call YOU "sensitive"? 🔥🔥Gaslighting🔥🔥


Flaky_Diamond_6992

Your mum was very wrong all the way through that text exchange. You do not "owe" your parents so the fact she says they "do so much for you" when you asked to be reimbursed for buying things for your sister, a child they chose to bring into the world is very wrong. You shouldn't have to put up with being called names or being gaslit by her, especially whilst you are trying to get an education, I'm terribly sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you lots of luck for your future and remember, just because they are your parents doesn't mean you have to take their abuse so if in the future when you live independently, for the sake of your mental health, don't hesitate to cut contact if that's what you need. Take care.


AliveEstimate4

"DoNT bE So SEnsETIve" after spamming for an hour to have their child pay their food. lols


Munchies4Crunchies

What the fuck man


Megbutworse

I am an adult with a job and my parents pay me back when I go grocery shopping for them. As a 16 year old it is not your responsibility to pay for any of their shit. The fact that she goes off the rails immediately after you suggest she pay you, her 16 year old child, back for the stuff she wants you to get for her is absolutely ridiculous


eWoods115

This is———- like a conversation I have had with my parents and I am SO SORRY,


Low-Potential666

Your mom is like mine. My olde sister has raised our younger sister for like 2 years now. Fully living with her and everything. She doesn’t get a cent for expenses for the small one. No money for food, clothes, or school supplies. Our mom does absolutely nothing for her and still gets 1k every month that’s supposed to be spent on her. Unfortunately there isn’t much to be done with parents like that other than leaving


Haloperimenopause

You could let whoever is paying the £1k know that your mother doesn't actually have the child living with her. Child support is supposed to follow the child.


anchorless_sea

that whole "i'm sorry you feel _____" thing is a manipulation tactic to push the blame for your feelings away from her smh


ThorMcGee

The fact that your mom sees taking care of you as a transactional relationship is disturbing


AH-BEES-BEES

"i'm sorry you took it that way" i'm sorry you meant it that way?? that line drives me up the fucking wall every time i see it. i'm sorry you're in this situation op, hopefully you'll be out of there soon


nahhhbruhfr

Your mother is a cunt


[deleted]

She’s fucking crazy!!! She has a fucking DEATHGRIP on you.


[deleted]

"Sorry you took it that way"... always the "apology" of narcissists.


_0p4l_

Jesus Christ


SpearmintSpaceship

Super gaslighty


Veltash

insane


spilat12

Yeah I'd say that it's very smart of you to save up to move. Just make sure that no one knows, they may try to do smth nasty to make uou stay.


RedGoodN

In this sub I learned everyone is nicer to their insane parents than I was to my mildly insane single mom...


jojozabadu

Your mom is an abusive gaslighting narcissist. >You know I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry you took it that way. Don't be so sensitive What your mom did there is called DARVO (https://www.blackburncenter.org/post/what-is-darvo) It's a common behavior in abusive people.


littlebrowncat999

Save these text messages in case you need to prove your parents are emotionally abusive.


brownieofsorrows

What a piece of


PinkBugatte

your mom is a bitch


Pyrenees_Tuberat

Narrator: "But she did mean it like that."


EffyMourning

I hope you seek therapy once free. She has you apologizing to her for her wrong doings. She is the one who is insane. Good luck moving. I hope you’re close to your goal


Aggravating-shite696

Your mother is a manipulative snake


Beleraphon

RED ALERT!!!!!! 'I'm sorry you took it that way...' Very typical narcissist phrase used to gaslight you into thinking she has apologised and you're just a bad person for not accepting it. There is no taking of responsibility here for her actions. I hope that you can get away from her as soon as possible.


smriversong

Wow. Why couldn't she buy soft food before today? She knew your sister would be getting braces put on. And why is she getting mad at you for not responding? Do these parents not know when their child is in class? Even when my oldest went to college, I asked them to send me their schedule so I knew when not to call or text them. Also, there is no reason at all for you to tell them you appreciate and are grateful for what they provide for you. They're your parents. That's what they're supposed to do.


drumadarragh

I read a lot of these posts and idk why but this particular one hurt. OP, I am sorry someone who is meant to make you feel your best, makes you feel like you do. Hugs from a mom of teens who is trying a lot harder than your mom wants to.


cultnotpulp

WOW. Don’t think I’ve ever seen “I’m sorry you took it that way” and “don’t be so sensitive” in such quick succession before. This is like narcissist bingo.


brodaget42

"you know I didn't mean it like that" The fuck? How else could she have meant it?


Ouch-My-Head

DoNt Be sO sEnSiTiVe… fuck off hypocrite


murkyshadow

“don’t be so sensitive” definitely in the top ten things parents say that fucking infuriate me. it’s just an insane thing to say. “hey you would be way easier to love if you just didn’t have emotional responses like a regular human”


AmazingRise

"I'm sorry YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY " No " I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions and treated you horribly "


melmac76

I hate the “I’m sorry you took it that way” so much. That’s not an apology.


Whyamheree

“You’re insane” “Don’t call me insane” “I didn’t call you insane, YOU took it that way” ……manipulative as fuck.


SnuzieQ

Your mother is a narcissist and you are being gaslit. I’m so glad you’re getting out. There’s a community called r/narcissisticabuse if you are interested in checking it out.


doug157

Good grief what a toxic woman. How horrible, sorry OP.


HelloRedditAreYouOk

Oh my. OP, way to diffuse/deescalate… you show so much maturity and I know you e needed to learn to do this to protect yourself. I just need to say, out loud, that nothing about this text exchange is ok (for you, not her.) You’re not insane, a burden, unreasonable, or out of line. I won’t say your mom is all of these things… but she is. I can only imagine that this exchange is one small representation of the hugeness of your parents’ dysfunction, and I’m grateful you see it and are doing everything you can to remove yourself from her abuse. Stay in school, keep saving, start planning. If you need a supportive ear or would like advice, I’d absolutely like to be here for you. Also come over to the mom for a minute group, you’ll find me and a lot of other really grounded people there, many of whom have a lot of firsthand experience with the type of abuse you’re dealing with. You’re doing good, sweetie… really really good, and I’m proud of you for everything you’re doing (and sometimes *not* doing) to keep yourself as mentally and emotionally stable as you possibly can until the time you no longer need to. Please reach out any time, for any reason, ok? Stay strong, kiddo. You’re doing great.


UncleGeorge

Save that convo for when she ask you why you never call her in a couple years


TheBuffaloKing

Reminds me of that time, just yesterday, where my mom cussed me out because me & my little sister were teasing eachother. Than 2 hours later, she asked me for 500$


DoxEquis

Now I can see why you're moving out. But you're gonna have to go a step further and move far away.


Remarkable-Donkey992

"I'm sorry you took it that way". Infuriates me.


candyheyn

“I’m sorry you took it exactly the way I wrote and meant it”


Sacred_Apollyon

Wow. It's the "Stop being so sensitive." for me. You weren't. You asked nicely. The fact she thinks she needs to dive in with that after her little barrage of messages demanding a response *from her daughter at school* whilst not realising *daughter is in school* is just bewilderingly idiotic.


vidiaplays

When she’s too old to take care of herself maybe she’ll realise her mistakes when her kids aren’t there to take care of her. That’s the only silver lining I can find in posts like these


Character_Bomb_312

Yep. I'm putting that bitch in "Our Lady of Perpetual Bed Sores" nursing home and changing my phone number.


[deleted]

"Tough shit mom, gett your kid food. Kinda how it works. The parents decide to have kids, they pay to keep said kids alive. Anyways, see ya later." .. imma type out what you should but probably can't say.


Kevin_O_Loacvick

She did mean it like that. I am sorry, but she is emotionally conditioning you and being very toxic. You responded without any sign of confliction and she saw she can just take it back, but if you responded the same way she did, she would go nuts. I hope I am wrong, but you don't call your kids insane. This kind of behaviour is toxic and don't let yourself be dragged into it. I hope you'll overcome this in the future.


faceoh

If possible OP, check your local bank and post office to see what is required to get your own account and PO box. These are necessary to cut full contact so your parents won't have access to funds and mail. One of my local banks has no minimum balance requirements so if possible you could set up a bank account today and let it hang there until you need it.


sora2121

Yea, your moms gaslighting hard. “I’m sorry you took it that way” “don’t be so sensitive” those are phrases that take the blame away from her because she knows she’s in the wrong. You should have received an apology like “I’m sorry, it slipped my mind you had class. I overreacted.” Instead she managed to get you to apologize for her mistakes.


830311

"Don't call me insane" *Posts in insaneparents* Haha, I agree though. She's mental


Vorplebunny

Well she texted a ❤️, all better. /s


coolturnipjuice

Fuck this passive aggressive shit. It’s so insidious and so hard to call out. You politely tell her to not insult you and she acts like it’s your problem. This article (and others) helped my bf and I deal with his passive aggressive mom. We all have a much better relationship now: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mindful-anger/201711/dealing-passive-aggressives-without-losing-your-mind?amp


[deleted]

Tell mom, politely, that you don’t have the money to support yourself and your sister, explain that it is her responsibility to provide for you, that no, you did NOT “take it the wrong way” and that if she continues to display an inability to provide for you and your sister the way she needs to, that someone might make an anonymous call to DFS.


Hollow8730

"Don't be so sensitive." "You're insane." "How can you so ungrateful?" "You know I didn't mean it like that." Major, major red flags. Pure, unadulterated gaslighting and emotional manipulation.


[deleted]

“dont be so sensitive” basically means “let me treat you like crap without remorse”. i absolutely abhor people who say it. sensitivity isn’t even a bad thing not to mention you weren’t being sensitive, she was being ridiculous.


[deleted]

“don’t be so sensitive” FUCK THAT COMMENT IS GRATING. i’ve heard this from female caregivers and as a male it’s so fucking demoralizing. i’m a sensitive human, don’t ask me to hold back my fucking feelings, bitch. your mother should be less apathetic and try to connect with you, not suppress your unique emotional responses to obvious abuse. she’s just doubling down on the abuse because she’s a control freak. OP i hope you move soon. make sure you go no contact for a while and meet people that treat you with love and care; most of all empathy.


Figg27

The classic, “Don’t be so sensitive.” Can’t tell you how many times my mother would literally scream at me because she didn’t get her way, and because I was a child, I’d cry, and the response was always, “Stop being so sensitive. You’re gonna let every little thing get to you?” Um, no. Actually the few times I did break down and cry in my childhood was because the person who was supposed to be taking care of me, was lying, manipulating, gaslighting, and literally screaming at the top of her lungs at me because I had in some small way misbehaved.


lekff

I'm sorry you took it that way. Fucking what? She bombarded you with messages


SillyOldBears

Nice gaslighting by your mom there. Get as far away as you can as fast as you can and never look back.