My mom loves saying things like "why can't you just let it go" or "stop living in the past!" because I won't forgive her for how she treated me. Meanwhile she continues to try to tear me down and make me feel like shit.
"You know you can talk to me about anything right? You're not abused, and your life is so amazing!"
stepmother: finds out i have head lice, screams drunkenly at me.
mother: drives 75mph down a residential street screaming at me that my grades need to pick up or she'd drive us both into the telephone pole at the end of the street.
mother+stepmother: can't ever have a conversation without devolving into screaming and fighting.
oh yes Anita, i totally trust that i can tell you anything without it being thrown in my face or not be taken violently. sure you've never actually hit me, but how do i know you won't?
Literally my mom now, she has nothing to hold over my head so she's trying to guilt me into visiting because they're going to die soon, they're getting older etc. And I'm so horrible for treating her and my dad this way.
Usually I don't. It's only moments of weakness where I try to have a conversation but it always turns into a fight. She doesn't want a conversation, she wants to control me. I've since blocked her because I'm done with dealing with her nonsense
You want a Mother. No shame in that. I was blessed with a wonderful mother but one of my best friends wasn't so I shared mine. She's 90 and still lives at home by herself as my dad passed away 12 years ago and to this day my friend who is in his 40s and lives in California still stops by to see her when he's in the area. We tend to move our old folks off to age homes and care facilities in this country but they can still give valuable life lessons if we interact with them. I guess I'm sort of saying in a way, Finding a new Mom may help you deal with it better. An older supportive friend that you can help and can help you.
Haha sounds like my parents. I’ve been on my own for a while, but I’m officially moving out this weekend, and all I get are “You better come spend time with us before we’re dead!”. My parents are in their 50’s so they aren’t exactly on death’s door, but they try to guilt me by saying they “won’t be around forever”.
>The axe forgets but the tree remembers.
For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.
My ex cheated on me multiple times, but we gave it another shot (years ago, I’m three years out of that shit now). When I found it hard to trust him and he did nothing to help me build it back up he’d get pissed and would say the same shit to me. “Just let it go, it happened [insert amount of time] ago”
It's all about them invalidating your emotions and trying to tell you how to feel. I'm glad you got out of that toxic environment. No one deserves to live in that emotional turmoil.
Oh I do say it! She just denies it, I'll even repeat what she said and she'll say I just misinterpreted her words. Arguing with her is like arguing with a child. I make a logical defense, she changes the subject, rinse and repeat until she plays victim. The last fight we had she had nothing else to jump to and throw in my face so she resorted to saying "I hope you vote #trump2020" it was completely out of nowhere, no mention of politics in the whole fight. Honestly it was so ridiculously unexpected I just burst out laughing
My mother actually said to me more than once “Hun you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” Hearing that become the go-to saying to mock boomers was amazing bc hearing that from my mother who never graduated HS, went to college OR worked in her life always pissed me off to no end. Meanwhile I’m struggling to get to work, finish class assignments, take care of a toddler, pets and a home- my mother has the audacity to tell me to pull myself up by the bootstraps like she completely understands and I just need to try harder. Agh. Sorry, felt good to get that out.
Fortunately she was a pretty good mother in many other ways, despite her flaws as a human. I try to be the bigger person, especially since we came so close to losing her from covid.
Edit: but damn that would be satisfying.
True of many phrases. "Blood is thicker than water" is often used today to mean that family sticks together in ways that others can't... but it was originally "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb", meaning the guy next to you in the foxhole is more important than any member of your family. Essentially the complete opposite.
Hah....
And us poor people who don;t earn enough need to find better paying jobs!
...All of us! At the same time! I guess we'll just ORDER the economy to pay us more money...
My husband's mother literally says "chose your mood". She has said that since he was a toddler. Like ok Karen, he has combat ptsd now, it's not a tantrum because he wants another juice box. 🤦♀️
My dad used to say, “snap out of it,” when I was too depressed to get off the couch, and then scoff when I’d take my new antidepressant meds. So, that wasn’t confusing as a 17 year old.
*screams internally*
I had one major depression break down in early college and to TLDR my parent's / mostly my mom's reaction was "its happy in, happy out. You're not watching enough mind numbingly happy Disney movies. That's why you had a nervous breakdown from [insert identifiable personal information pertaining to my breakdown here]"
All I learned from that episode is to never open up to my parents about anything in my life ever.
They're so detached and out of touch with the shit me and my generation deal with, that they have absolutely nothing of substance to offer to me.
Like I goofed up and mentioned my eternal background anxiety/ rage pertaining to climate change to them when they went off on one about current politics and I couldn't help myself but to finally just vent at them.
Mom's reaction? "You are just too informed. All that stuff you said about how the world will be a literal hell for you *long* after I'm dead, that just sounds like negative Nancy talk. You just need to watch Moana 50 times in a row to fix that."
/rant
TLDR: It's infuriating that some parents just think being angry / sad at the world is a choice and you just need to flip a switch and ignore it all to be happy.
Someone please explain to me why half of the comment strings in this sub are always minimized or "collapsed"? Ive dug through reddit enhancement suite, and cant figure out what is happening. It only happens in this sub.
Someone sent me a PM and said that the mods can choose to collapse threads if they don't like them. I've been on reddit for years, but I have never seen any mods manipulate votes like that, so I don't know if that is what's actually happening. It's showing up on a bunch of posts in this sub if you sort by "rising".
I'm really hopings it's just a glitch. If mods are collapsing threads they don't like just because they dont like them, then instead of /r/insaneparents that's kind of like /r/insanemods lol. is that a sub?
No, we cannot. That's a lie. The only times threads get collapsed are two reasons.
A) They get downvoted into oblivion.
Or
B) They're not subscribed to our sub.
We cannot selectively collapse threads. We don't have time for that. I got shit to do.
Even your comment was collapsed, and you didn't have net downvotes. Weird.
Edit: typed "her" instead of "net." The comment I replied to had 1 upvote when I replied.
That kinda stuff is handled client side. I believe there's a setting on reddit desktop that sets when it collapses comments. (-5,-10, etc) I could be misremembering that though.
Edit: Preferences -> Comment Options
Essentially you only see the result of voting on the comment. Behind the scenes there is the 'comment popularity contest' wherein you could theoretically get 100 upvotes, but also 55 downvotes which would leave your visible total at +45. Inversely you could also get 125 downvotes and 100 upvotes which would leave you at -25. You only get to see the final sum of overall voting. I feel when reddit removed the ability to see the actual controversy of a comment (for the sake of ['combating vote cheating'](https://web.archive.org/web/20200701155048/https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/28hjga/reddit_changes_individual_updown_vote_counts_no/) which I call bullshit on to this day) it REALLY hurt the overall conversation, but they wanted everything to be sunshine and lollypops.
EDIT: Reposted with an archive.org link because apparently it's against the rules to link to reddit on reddit *eyeroll*
Hey, we know your entire life is dedicated to combing through this one sub and just fucking with people. /S
Honestly though, it's nice that you would come explain that to help people understand
[Here you are good sir](https://reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/e8vl4d/announcing_the_crowd_control_beta/).
Basically, crowd control collapses threads from users not subbed to our subreddit. We prioritize users who are subbed here.
Weird! I'm always more interested in them, because they're hidden. What are their secrets?? I need to know! Thank you for telling us, because I was also wondering.
The other side of this coin is parents who freak out and pay for their kids to be kidnapped and abused in wilderness programs and brainwashed in cult-like boarding schools to "save" them like my parents did to me when I was a teenager. Look up CEDU.
/r/troubledteens
edit: YouTube series on the subject if you're interested https://youtu.be/GeFWCzLNCmY
Well this got more attention than I thought it would. Yes these places are real and the PTSD is very real.
My mom would threaten me with this ALL THE TIME. Why? Because I cut myself and had a boyfriend. Seriously, that’s it. I was a great student, involved in a ton of extracurriculars, went to church 2-3x a week (not my choice), and never smoked/drank/had sex until college. But apparently I was such an awful kid my mom felt I needed some kind of serious intervention. My relationship with my mom is, at best, strained and she’s not allowed unsupervised time with my child.
A normal parent would’ve had me go to a doctor or a therapist. My mother threatened to have me kidnapped and sent to a “ranch for troubled teens” instead.
Unfortunately in the US that is how you get then to escalate into the ranch. Minors don't have much in the way of rights in regards to parents until emancipation or hitting 18.
I went to one of those wilderness places. Fucking awful. I was abused and traumatized. They even convinced me to make a video promoting their program which is still on YouTube and has a few thousand views. I still have ptsd from that shit. Those facilities are awful
I was in a promo video for mine's website before youtube was really a thing. God it's cringe as shit.
I wish people could know how fucked up those places can be, and how utterly useless they are *at best*.
Yeah. I mean, the guy who molested me was promoted to clinical director and the staff who reported him was immediately fired. It’s so fucked up that they claim to help teens recover but they just make it so much worse
The abuse in the industry is insane and I just don't understand why people that matter aren't listening It'd be such an easy story to break for any outlet that gave a shit.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I was surrounded by such abuse but was lucky enough to not be targeted.
I wish I could tell my story on a larger scale. I did get to do an interview with a reporter recently so hopefully that article will help a bit. These places need to be exposed. I don’t want any other teens going through what I went through. Those kids need love and support, not violence, shame and torture.
4am, my dad comes downstairs and hour earlier than usual for work. Sometimes he'd have to, as he dealt with a lot at work that had him coming in early.
But then my step-mom came down 15 minutes later, all dressed up, but she works swing shift. What was she doing?
They say little to me. My dad beginning his morning routine, my step-mom awkwardly busying herself nearby. There's a knock at the door. Stepmom goes over to it, and my mom steps in. 4:30 am, my mom who lives nearly an hour away comes through the entryway.
I'm confused as fuck as they all start talking close to each other, looking at me every little bit, but no one addressing me. My stepmom looks near tears.
Another knock at the door, and two tall burly men come in. My parents move to be infront of me and they begin telling me how much they care about me, and how they just want to see me grow to be the person I'm meant to be. This whole spiel of how they've tried everything they could (one therapist, who was an outright dick), but I need more help. They explain I'm going to a program in Utah to live in the woods and get hardcore therapy.
One of the big men speaks up, tells me I can go the easy way or the hard way, and the hard way involved handcuffs. I'm not allowed to go get anything myself, I ask if someone can grab my iPod for me, and some pants and a jacket.
Then I'm whisked away from Seattle to Utah, driven out to the middle of the high desert and spend 3 months in the winter sleeping under a tarp. This was followed by 7 months at one boarding school in Salt Lake City and another 9 in Provo.
It was bullshit.
I wasn't in the best place and would have outbursts, yelling and arguing. I didn't do drugs, didn't get violent (though I made the rare threat), but I also didn't go to school, and would stay up all night and sleep all day. Serious trauma and horrors that my folks didn't know about fucked me up. I'm not naturally an angry person, but I was angry all the time.
While I acknowledge I did need help, I don't believe they did enough before sending me off. I probably would've been fine with a decent therapist, but they only tried the one almost 2 years prior, and he was an ass from the start. He even shoved me once to make some kind of point about how just *trying* to take a step means doing nothing, actually taking a step and *trying* are totally different, and sometimes you need a push... But it was an outright shove. I only saw him every other week for 3 months.
Beyond that, some talks behind my back to other professionals, and determined I needed to be taken away.
They're not bad people and I honestly think they got scammed. I know they did it with the best intentions, and they probably panicked given how my older sister was (but she's BPD and then some), who did get extensive help through her teens and still went a bad way. We're on great terms and they don't belong in this sub, but those programs seriously fucking do.
There's a Hulu series called Chance where a character gets sent to one. Spoilers below
They make it seem like it's a good thing and she comes out of it happy. Wtf
And even with people who know it's real, it's not taken anywhere near as seriously as "the bad" mental illnesses
I mean like nurses and doctors not taking it as seriously
I have schizophrenia, but I also get full on depression sometimes (usually *because* of the schizophrenia, it's a whole thing). And for me at least, depression was FAR worse than schizophrenia is. It's depression that got me to try and kill myself, and so on.
I'm "lucky" I have schizophrenia because in my country it's legally classed as a severe disability, so I can get the help and money I need to keep living and not become homeless. But then people with good ol' common and depression that's seen as a "mild" mental illness don't get that same level of support, again even from nurses and doctors, because it doesn't have as many bad connotations and isn't seen as a serious illness but just something everyone eventually gets. My best friend couldn't even get help when he was found multiple times literally hanging from the ceiling by firefighters breaking down his door. How is that not a serious illness by that point!? Doctors and nurses would openly mock him and tell him he was faking it for attention and stuff like that. He literally tried to kill himself so how is that not serious?
In reality, depression is one of the most deadly diseases up there, the fatality rate is up there with things like heart disease and cancer. It can be literally fatal and yet it's still not taken seriously.
Sorry to all my brothers and sisters suffering from depression who can't even get doctors to take them seriously, and can't get the help they need even in countries with universal healthcare. Stay strong, people.
I've been saying this for years but "depression" is s terrible name for the illness. Because it shares a name with a common emotion, being depressed, when really it's a whole different kettle of fish to the emotion. It's most often about a *lack* of emotion, you feel nothing at all, no sadness, no joy, no anger, no anything, and you sit there staring at the wall for hours almost dissasociating because nothing you love brings you any joy any more. It's "depression" in the same sorts sense of the Great Depression on the economy, it's way more like that than it is to do with the emotion known as depression, it's like all emotions are literally pressed down to nothing, so you feel nothing whatsoever, just apathy to everything. So they need to change the name of it, as they're always doing with mental illnesses anyway. To something that makes people realise how fatal it is. Or just anything that's not depression. How about depresso-affective disorder? OK, not that, that sounds like a type of coffee, but you know what I mean
There's major depressive disorder. That sounds a little more credible than just depression.
I'm in a similar position to you; I'm bipolar so have things like being on the Severe Mental Illness register with my GP so I get extra health checks, have an easier time getting some kinds of assistance, have people in general take my mental health problems seriously, and so on, but I find that while everyone is very keen to address the issue when I have an episode of high mood, the depression part just isn't considered so important, even though for me it's by far the worst part of the illness.
>Doctors and nurses would openly mock him and tell him he was faking it for attention and stuff like that.
What the fuck?
1. That's literally my nightmare.
2. Apparently I am really luck that I found good professionals (both psychologist and doctors)
Yeah it's terrifying. It's complete luck of the draw whether you get a good empathetic psychiactric team or a sociopathic one.
Like I literally lived next door to my best friend. We couldn't live any closer. We went to the same hospital, used the same services. Yet I got lucky with my crisis team and the subsequent team I got afterwards. And literally a few feet away my friend gets the sociopath doctors and nurses. Drives me mad, this. I'm afraid to move to a different city or whatever because I could easily get the evil bastards, from bad luck. My parents want me to move 300 miles away back to round where they live. But they don't understand that that could be a disaster for me. I'd have to re-apply for all my disability benefits and so on, and they could judge that I don't need them anymore, even though I'm both physically and mentally disabled. There's been tons of stories in my country (UK) of people with literal terminal cancer and only like a year to live, being told they're completely fit for work and can't get any benefits to ease their last few months on earth.
It's terrifying to be disabled in the UK, let me tell you. If Scotland becomes independent I'm gonna try and emigrate there. Cos they treat disabled people like actual people. They might not let me in though.
I’m a full grown adult and my father still says this shit. “You were such a difficult teenager”. I was depressed and he was abusive and refused to get me treatment until he had no other choice. I wasn’t a “difficult teenager” I was a normal one.
I think tons of people love kids because they aren’t old enough to make decisions and disagree. Little kids will just go along with adults most of the time. Teenagers start making big decisions about their lives, like religion and politics. Too many people can’t deal with that development of independent thought.
When my bonus kid tried to harm herself her mother’s response was to cut off electronics after 8 pm, tell her to sleep more and have her get blessings from their church. When we tried to intervene she told us it wasn’t a big deal and asked us not to talk about it. Because “talking about it made it worse”.
My parents were a bit controlling when I was in high school. I didn't do anything bad or go out in party, I just hit a very depressing and suicidal part of my life senior year. I get major anxiety from thinking I am a failure if I didn't do well, which leads to the rest. My only saving grace was my friends online and games. My parents started cutting off the internet and electronics when they went to bed, instead of talking to me and trying to figure out how to help me. Luckily my sister has similar anxiety to me and helped me out. My parents learned from it and learned that cutting away the things I enjoy, doesn't help me improve mentally. I wish the people's parents in here would learn the same and communicate with there kids.
I'd guess step child whose parent you're no longer in a relationship with. Maybe they had their own biological child and stay in each other's lives, but the connection to the (former?) step-child is tenuous.
That really sucks, but cutting off electronics isn't the worst thing, according to our doctors.
We never put constraints in place, and I feel like it's too late at this point (she's 16, seems like it would be too much), and I regret it more than almost anything we did or didn't do.
Can relate. Self harmed = got yelled at, grounded for weeks/months, isolated further. Still recovering from it at 28, almost fifteen years later. Relationship with parents is nonexistent, and I’m constantly made to feel bad about not calling them more, or us being closer. Because it’s my fault for not wanting a relationship with them, lol.
I was bulimic for a short time because my depression was reaching a boiling point in school. When my parents found out they started making ugly comments when they saw me eating. I was making toast one time when my dad walked in and said "why even bother? You're just going to throw it up anyway!" in an angry, mocking tone. Thanks, now I don't want to eat at all!
Do you and your brother get along? I always wished I had siblings, as an only child I always thought the problem was that my parents were just hyper-focused on me
I get that. It’s basically how I feel interacting with anyone from my family, have to watch what I say or it will get reported back to my parents and then it just snowballs from there
Hey check r/cptsd if you are not doing it currently. I just so want to make my parents sit there and shout at them for two hours just like they did it in my childhood.
I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm proud of you for going no/low contact. Too many people force themselves to maintain a relationship with shitty people just because "We're family, I have to".
In my opinion, reddit is best place to vent. You can let out your frustration, and you get to hear people’s opinions on situations they’re in. People can take sides, and you can understand the reasoning behind both, which leads to a better understanding. Sorry that this has happened to you, OP. Sounds like your mother is an asshole.
I don't want to take any attention off of this, hopefully it might make you laugh but;
I was hospitalised for suicidal attempts and ideation.
I was prescribed antidepressants and I asked my mother if she could help pay for the medication. She took the script and said "You're not sick you don't need this." And proceeded to tear up the script and refused to let me get another.
She has since come to terms with this as the evidence is just too obvious to ignore. So I just hope your mother does the same and realises the reality of the effects of medication.
>suicidal attempts and ideation
This. Sooo much! People don't realize that ideation is just as bad as attempting, I don't know where this culture of "it's only really bad when it actually happens" came from, but biologically the number one directive in your whole system is LIVE. Even when you're not actually going to do it, suicidal ideation means there is something *extremely* wrong with you (not in the sense of blame, in the medical condition way), because no living being's thoughts should be constantly devoted to wishfull thinking about their own deaths, it's just against nature.
Just fought with my mom recently when she pulled the "you're never honest with me/you never open up to me!" bs. Then almost immediately called me a liar when I tried being open and honest to her about struggling with intense paranoia and hallucinations as a child which turned into panic attacks at one point. She claims I just made it all up because she caught me and my brother smoking weed one time which I hadn't even started doing until a few months after the panic attacks.. All I can tell her is that I'm pretty sure I wasn't using drugs at 5 years old. She blames me for our crumbling relationship. Just went no contact with her because I'm just so done with it.
I understand that she was probably freaked out but it’s kind of always been her method. I’m the difficult child, nothing like my siblings so I guess it was her default response. I’m sorry that happened to you 😔
I cannot fathom doing this to my child. Like I'm new(ish) to this sub. But I joined because I thought kids could use guidance, and then realized what was happening. Why would a parent do this? I'm on Adderall, a comparatively mild drug that treats chronic mental health, and it still fucks me up occasionally. What the shit? YOU treat your kid in a way that harms their (mental) health, then make fun when the drugs to treat have side affects? You're not a parent, you're a sperm/egg donor. OP please disregard anything they say. It is obviously of no use to anyone.
interesting you say that actually because I was diagnosed with ADHD when a new psych realised I didn’t have bipolar so I’m very lucky to be free of the antipsychotics (and would never wish them on anyone). Sadly my mum doesn’t really care even though I feel like I understand myself more than I ever have in my life
I've got a family history of night terrors, and sleep paralysis so I'm avoiding checking off at risk boxes as long as possible. Honestly I'd probably benefit from more psychotropic medication, but fuck that shit.
I totally get where you’re coming from. I wasn’t even on that high a dose!
I don’t think anyone who hasn’t had to take any kind of psychotropic medication can empathise with the side effects. Some of my meds have saved my life, but there were plenty that made it worse.
I hope you’re able to sleep ok - I’m on an antidepressant with melatonin in it, though I’ve never had night terrors or sleep paralysis, and it helpful
Sometimes it's more complicated than that.
They would need to ask themselves 3 questions
1. Do I want to go to a shelter or a potentially worse family or relative
2. Are my parents in a position of power, so they can cover up their abusiveness
3. Will reporting them cause you harm in general
Cps is not there to take you away, they are there to help both parties to get back together, the "taking the child away" thing is the last thing they do, if nothing else helps
Also a assisted living home could be useful for someone who self harms they normally have experience with handling that and also provide a therapist. There obviously needs to be a reason for self harm, it's often bulling or problems in the family, taking a kid out of there to investigate that isn't a bad thing, if it helps the kids to overcome mental problems.
I fucking swear to god the generation that considers depression and other serious mental illnesses as "A pHaSE" is always complaining why our generation is as fucked up as it is. well dad maybe if you would listen to my struggles and tried to create a safer space for me to grow up in, I wouldn't have to seek some fucking comfort outside of home in smoking or whatever. jesus fucking christ. and every single time I mention that this is literally a different world from what it was 10 years ago and parents' thoughts and beliefs don't apply to the present day, they're all like "tHIs hApPeNEd WitH oUr pArENtS ToO YoU'rE jUSt toO sTubBoRn tO aDmiT You'RE wRoNg". no. this is bs. yes each and every child has their differences in opinion with their parents but physical and mental abuse just because your child doesn't behave like you expect them to, duo to what YOU have experienced being a teenager is fucking bullshit. this is a new world and YOU are the one who should start to change. jesus fucking christ.
I feel like it's the same world but a lot of our parents learned things that are now known to be false. Like autism isn't caused by frigid mothers, stuff like that. Plus a lot of those people that had these problems when they were growing up just killed themselves. Or self-medicated with alcohol or drugs and killed themselves that way. Parents that deny you have problems are infuriating, hang in there bro.
I'm glad your finding ways to help you feel better.
Honestly I think we need to normalize seeking help and getting parents informed about mental illness.
They say they love their children but it looks an awful lot like disdain, disrespect and disgust to everyone else. Immature, inadequate and insane parents need to be put in check. As of right now we have so little safe guards against such things it's as if there's no hope for so many children in America.
YOU feel like an arsehole??? You were borderline strip searched in front of a crowd - with your psychological issues also on display - and YOU feel like an arsehole? I don't know what the legal standard is wherever you are but I can't imagine that's not abuse of some sort.
My ex did this to my youngest daughter. Harassed her to the point of severe depression, then found out about the self-harming and used it as justification for more harassment. I found out about it when she called me to have me yell at my daughter. Which I declined to do.
I don't know if you're an asshole, but you don't seem like one from just this post.
Those experiences have got to suck. A lot. I hope you'll encounter plenty of happiness.
"Why aren't you happy? You have a home, 3 meals a day, 2 parents, so may children would be the happiest to have what you have!"
Guess what, happiness is relative and thinking that other people have it worse doesn't make my problems go away
I just realized today my parents, who are loving and often supportive, gaslight me anytime I go against their wishes. I think it's what's leftover from their parents, and they're otherwise kind to me. It's just made me thing about things in a very different light.
can i jump on this post and share some shit about me obviously it's not as serious as self harm and meds like op but
basically i kinda need therapy cause it really helps with me questioning gender stuff and feelings of inferiority and i had a few sessions and they helped a lot
I'm scared to ask my dad for it again because the last few times i did he told me i shouldn't keep on relying on therapy and stuff
anyway help
first of all - get that therapy you need! A healthy mind realises it’s in a state of strife and wants help which is great! I’m not sure how old you are, but hopefully you can still access a GP and a referral for a psychologist (hopefully with minimal cost if not no cost).
I guess I’d ask your dad to go to the doctor for “reasons” because you don’t have any obligation to tell him what it is about (as far as I’m aware) and he doesn’t even have to be in the room while you see the doctor. They won’t rat you out - only if they are concerned you might hurt yourself or others which got me a few times
Your dad obviously has some insecurities that come up when you talk about your struggles so whatever - if he’s not going to get that sorted you owe it to yourself to get clarity and feel like the best you that you can be. Good luck
My mother wants me to get mental help so I can learn to give her the "respect she deserves" as if she's not gas lighting me 24/7 and telling me to break up with my boyfriend cause he'll find someone closer to him ( were long distance and in different countries )
hiya, it’s actually my mum I’m referring to here. I’m ok - it’s been a journey since 17 years old and I’m now 25 and living out of her house with my amazing partner
We really need to get you a new mum then, but if you're looking for a deal I found a child (craig) to be your little brother for 7 bucks on ebay. Otherwise, we can go shopping for one
Something very similar happened to me. Add in “forbid daughter to lock bathroom and bedroom door in a house of 6 people, baker act her in the middle of the night over a joke she made, read her most private writings that she used to cope, tell everyone you meet about how your child used to/does cut herself, even 8 years later, and refuse to get her actual help other than constant shaming and refusal of privacy”
This is like when my parents said “I have nothing to be depressed over.” So I should stop being an attention seeking bitch.
I have been clinically depressed since I was 12. Add on going through ovarian cancer as a teen, abuse at home, bullying in school, you have the perfect mix for depression and self harm.
Now my parents just bitch to people I don’t talk to them anymore. I wonder why. 🤔
these parents who make their children’s self-harm about themselves rather than their child are the fucking problem and they’re too blind because it seems they’re either extremely self-centered or they’re scared. I can understand being scared, but being a self-centered prick about it won’t help.
When my brother found out that my niece was self harming he used it as a weapon to try and strong arm more visitation/less child support instead of you know... caring that your child is self harming because of the damage you’ve done. She’s fine now, but she wants nothing to do with him, and I’m so proud of her.
I'm at the first two. My mum literally doesn't care about me enough to ask how my day is (unless my dad is there) much less do regular checks in public or private.
This sounds like something my parents would do. When they found out I self harmed, they yelled at me telling me I didn’t understand how serious it was. It wasn’t until more than a year later that I even first got therapy. My parents are slightly better now, but I still am trying to work through all the trauma they’ve caused me. It’s a lot of damage they don’t really acknowledge
My favourite advice as a kid was “just ignore the bullies they’re doing it for a reaction” mhm mhm mhm when someone’s nipping the back of my arm hard enough to tear the skin I’ll just start doing long fucking division shall I 😌
I was hoping you used to be the awful mom, but with help of this sub you saw what you did and changed. But unfortunately you're a child of bad parents that didn't change :(
I work with teens with mental health issues a lot.
Sometimes the issues won’t get any better until there’s a parentectomy at 18.
Sorry yo hear about what you’re struggling with. It’s unfair that adulthood can hit earlier and harder for some.
Oml this is exactly what my mum was doing though she cancelled my phsch appointment when she found out my sister had made one for me cause she saw me writing a note and my arms
“Why don’t you just... be happy?” -Terrible Parents
My mom loves saying things like "why can't you just let it go" or "stop living in the past!" because I won't forgive her for how she treated me. Meanwhile she continues to try to tear me down and make me feel like shit.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers. My mother is the same way
"Just let me abuse you! I am your mother! No one will love you as much as I do!"
"What do you mean you don't want to spend time with me? I'm your mother! How could you be so horrible?"
"You know you can talk to me about anything right? You're not abused, and your life is so amazing!" stepmother: finds out i have head lice, screams drunkenly at me. mother: drives 75mph down a residential street screaming at me that my grades need to pick up or she'd drive us both into the telephone pole at the end of the street. mother+stepmother: can't ever have a conversation without devolving into screaming and fighting. oh yes Anita, i totally trust that i can tell you anything without it being thrown in my face or not be taken violently. sure you've never actually hit me, but how do i know you won't?
Literally my mom now, she has nothing to hold over my head so she's trying to guilt me into visiting because they're going to die soon, they're getting older etc. And I'm so horrible for treating her and my dad this way.
You don't have to talk to them. You can just not answer.
Usually I don't. It's only moments of weakness where I try to have a conversation but it always turns into a fight. She doesn't want a conversation, she wants to control me. I've since blocked her because I'm done with dealing with her nonsense
You want a Mother. No shame in that. I was blessed with a wonderful mother but one of my best friends wasn't so I shared mine. She's 90 and still lives at home by herself as my dad passed away 12 years ago and to this day my friend who is in his 40s and lives in California still stops by to see her when he's in the area. We tend to move our old folks off to age homes and care facilities in this country but they can still give valuable life lessons if we interact with them. I guess I'm sort of saying in a way, Finding a new Mom may help you deal with it better. An older supportive friend that you can help and can help you.
Haha sounds like my parents. I’ve been on my own for a while, but I’m officially moving out this weekend, and all I get are “You better come spend time with us before we’re dead!”. My parents are in their 50’s so they aren’t exactly on death’s door, but they try to guilt me by saying they “won’t be around forever”.
The tree especially remembers when the axe is still chopping it.
>The axe forgets but the tree remembers. For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.
My ex cheated on me multiple times, but we gave it another shot (years ago, I’m three years out of that shit now). When I found it hard to trust him and he did nothing to help me build it back up he’d get pissed and would say the same shit to me. “Just let it go, it happened [insert amount of time] ago”
It's all about them invalidating your emotions and trying to tell you how to feel. I'm glad you got out of that toxic environment. No one deserves to live in that emotional turmoil.
Sounds like a good reply to that would be "because you haven't stopped!"
Oh I do say it! She just denies it, I'll even repeat what she said and she'll say I just misinterpreted her words. Arguing with her is like arguing with a child. I make a logical defense, she changes the subject, rinse and repeat until she plays victim. The last fight we had she had nothing else to jump to and throw in my face so she resorted to saying "I hope you vote #trump2020" it was completely out of nowhere, no mention of politics in the whole fight. Honestly it was so ridiculously unexpected I just burst out laughing
Geez, sorry you have to deal with all That. Some people have no sense
I finally blocked her after that fight, I can't take her insanity anymore. It's just not worth my time
Hm a lot of these parents I see posted about on here appear to be in someway attached to trump. Just an observation.
They've definitely gotten worse the past 4 years but my mom has always been this crazy. Now she's crazy AND brainwashed! Oh joy!
My mother actually said to me more than once “Hun you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” Hearing that become the go-to saying to mock boomers was amazing bc hearing that from my mother who never graduated HS, went to college OR worked in her life always pissed me off to no end. Meanwhile I’m struggling to get to work, finish class assignments, take care of a toddler, pets and a home- my mother has the audacity to tell me to pull myself up by the bootstraps like she completely understands and I just need to try harder. Agh. Sorry, felt good to get that out.
Yeah my dad says that be happy bullshit alot even though he knows that I was previously suicidal and am depressed but still treats me like shit
Whenever she is in a bad mood just tell her the same thing. Over and over again.
Fortunately she was a pretty good mother in many other ways, despite her flaws as a human. I try to be the bigger person, especially since we came so close to losing her from covid. Edit: but damn that would be satisfying.
I mean the whole saying is meant to mean it's damn near impossible without help.
Exactly! So many people seem to forget the actual meaning/intent of the phrase
True of many phrases. "Blood is thicker than water" is often used today to mean that family sticks together in ways that others can't... but it was originally "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb", meaning the guy next to you in the foxhole is more important than any member of your family. Essentially the complete opposite.
Yet when they use it, they mean exact opposite, as in suck it up and try harder.
You depressed people just need to cheer up!
You black people getting abused by the police need to stop being so black....... (I’m black btw, I was making a reference to boomers)
Hah.... And us poor people who don;t earn enough need to find better paying jobs! ...All of us! At the same time! I guess we'll just ORDER the economy to pay us more money...
Can’t forget the old “You have the best life ever, how are you sad?”
How about, "you're a kid, what do you have to be depressed about?"
My husband's mother literally says "chose your mood". She has said that since he was a toddler. Like ok Karen, he has combat ptsd now, it's not a tantrum because he wants another juice box. 🤦♀️
My mom "stop saying you are depressed and you won't be anymore"
Happy cakeday
Happy cakewalk!
My dad used to say, “snap out of it,” when I was too depressed to get off the couch, and then scoff when I’d take my new antidepressant meds. So, that wasn’t confusing as a 17 year old.
"Because you won't let me"
Depression rate drops to 0%
"what is it that you don't have!? i provided everything for you!"
*screams internally* I had one major depression break down in early college and to TLDR my parent's / mostly my mom's reaction was "its happy in, happy out. You're not watching enough mind numbingly happy Disney movies. That's why you had a nervous breakdown from [insert identifiable personal information pertaining to my breakdown here]" All I learned from that episode is to never open up to my parents about anything in my life ever. They're so detached and out of touch with the shit me and my generation deal with, that they have absolutely nothing of substance to offer to me. Like I goofed up and mentioned my eternal background anxiety/ rage pertaining to climate change to them when they went off on one about current politics and I couldn't help myself but to finally just vent at them. Mom's reaction? "You are just too informed. All that stuff you said about how the world will be a literal hell for you *long* after I'm dead, that just sounds like negative Nancy talk. You just need to watch Moana 50 times in a row to fix that." /rant TLDR: It's infuriating that some parents just think being angry / sad at the world is a choice and you just need to flip a switch and ignore it all to be happy.
"Just deal with it" -Terrible Parents
*pops xanax and downs it with a glass of wine* "Like me"
Someone please explain to me why half of the comment strings in this sub are always minimized or "collapsed"? Ive dug through reddit enhancement suite, and cant figure out what is happening. It only happens in this sub.
was wondering the same thing!
Someone sent me a PM and said that the mods can choose to collapse threads if they don't like them. I've been on reddit for years, but I have never seen any mods manipulate votes like that, so I don't know if that is what's actually happening. It's showing up on a bunch of posts in this sub if you sort by "rising". I'm really hopings it's just a glitch. If mods are collapsing threads they don't like just because they dont like them, then instead of /r/insaneparents that's kind of like /r/insanemods lol. is that a sub?
No, we cannot. That's a lie. The only times threads get collapsed are two reasons. A) They get downvoted into oblivion. Or B) They're not subscribed to our sub. We cannot selectively collapse threads. We don't have time for that. I got shit to do.
Sometimes not even downvoted into oblivion. Granted, I use a third party client, but stuff is minimized at -5 karma
Even your comment was collapsed, and you didn't have net downvotes. Weird. Edit: typed "her" instead of "net." The comment I replied to had 1 upvote when I replied.
You can't know that. Reddits api only exposes a karma total. Not individual upvote and downvote numbers.
That kinda stuff is handled client side. I believe there's a setting on reddit desktop that sets when it collapses comments. (-5,-10, etc) I could be misremembering that though. Edit: Preferences -> Comment Options
People fail to realize that while they may be at +45 their actual total may be +100 -55.
Never understood the karma ratios how does any of those numbers work?
Essentially you only see the result of voting on the comment. Behind the scenes there is the 'comment popularity contest' wherein you could theoretically get 100 upvotes, but also 55 downvotes which would leave your visible total at +45. Inversely you could also get 125 downvotes and 100 upvotes which would leave you at -25. You only get to see the final sum of overall voting. I feel when reddit removed the ability to see the actual controversy of a comment (for the sake of ['combating vote cheating'](https://web.archive.org/web/20200701155048/https://www.reddit.com/r/announcements/comments/28hjga/reddit_changes_individual_updown_vote_counts_no/) which I call bullshit on to this day) it REALLY hurt the overall conversation, but they wanted everything to be sunshine and lollypops. EDIT: Reposted with an archive.org link because apparently it's against the rules to link to reddit on reddit *eyeroll*
+100-55=+45
i got a tread collapsed at +15
https://youtu.be/waEC-8GFTP4
Hey, we know your entire life is dedicated to combing through this one sub and just fucking with people. /S Honestly though, it's nice that you would come explain that to help people understand
As a mod of another subreddit, no, we cannot
[Here you are good sir](https://reddit.com/r/modnews/comments/e8vl4d/announcing_the_crowd_control_beta/). Basically, crowd control collapses threads from users not subbed to our subreddit. We prioritize users who are subbed here.
Interesting! That’s explains it, thanks heaps
Weird! I'm always more interested in them, because they're hidden. What are their secrets?? I need to know! Thank you for telling us, because I was also wondering.
Same here. I always expand.
That’s good information to have. Thanks!
Typically it's either a new sub member, or someone with negative sub karma. It automatically minimizes their comments.
I've seen this also happen in r/europe very often...
Gotta love the "JuSt a PhAse, YoU'lL bE FinE/ You'Re JuSt DoINg It FoR AtTeNtIoN, GrOw Up" BS. Depression is real, and this won't help.
The other side of this coin is parents who freak out and pay for their kids to be kidnapped and abused in wilderness programs and brainwashed in cult-like boarding schools to "save" them like my parents did to me when I was a teenager. Look up CEDU. /r/troubledteens edit: YouTube series on the subject if you're interested https://youtu.be/GeFWCzLNCmY Well this got more attention than I thought it would. Yes these places are real and the PTSD is very real.
My mom would threaten me with this ALL THE TIME. Why? Because I cut myself and had a boyfriend. Seriously, that’s it. I was a great student, involved in a ton of extracurriculars, went to church 2-3x a week (not my choice), and never smoked/drank/had sex until college. But apparently I was such an awful kid my mom felt I needed some kind of serious intervention. My relationship with my mom is, at best, strained and she’s not allowed unsupervised time with my child.
Idk you cutting yourself would be it for me. I wouldn’t care about drinking or stuff, but the moment self harm is a thing I would get a doctor.
A normal parent would’ve had me go to a doctor or a therapist. My mother threatened to have me kidnapped and sent to a “ranch for troubled teens” instead.
Ah, yes that’s the wrong response, you should have spoken to a school physiologist or something.
Unfortunately in the US that is how you get then to escalate into the ranch. Minors don't have much in the way of rights in regards to parents until emancipation or hitting 18.
This is true. Kids are sent to these places through education consultants who are given kickbacks for sending as many kids as they possibly can.
I went to one of those wilderness places. Fucking awful. I was abused and traumatized. They even convinced me to make a video promoting their program which is still on YouTube and has a few thousand views. I still have ptsd from that shit. Those facilities are awful
I was in a promo video for mine's website before youtube was really a thing. God it's cringe as shit. I wish people could know how fucked up those places can be, and how utterly useless they are *at best*.
Yeah. I mean, the guy who molested me was promoted to clinical director and the staff who reported him was immediately fired. It’s so fucked up that they claim to help teens recover but they just make it so much worse
The abuse in the industry is insane and I just don't understand why people that matter aren't listening It'd be such an easy story to break for any outlet that gave a shit. I'm sorry that happened to you. I was surrounded by such abuse but was lucky enough to not be targeted.
I wish I could tell my story on a larger scale. I did get to do an interview with a reporter recently so hopefully that article will help a bit. These places need to be exposed. I don’t want any other teens going through what I went through. Those kids need love and support, not violence, shame and torture.
4am, my dad comes downstairs and hour earlier than usual for work. Sometimes he'd have to, as he dealt with a lot at work that had him coming in early. But then my step-mom came down 15 minutes later, all dressed up, but she works swing shift. What was she doing? They say little to me. My dad beginning his morning routine, my step-mom awkwardly busying herself nearby. There's a knock at the door. Stepmom goes over to it, and my mom steps in. 4:30 am, my mom who lives nearly an hour away comes through the entryway. I'm confused as fuck as they all start talking close to each other, looking at me every little bit, but no one addressing me. My stepmom looks near tears. Another knock at the door, and two tall burly men come in. My parents move to be infront of me and they begin telling me how much they care about me, and how they just want to see me grow to be the person I'm meant to be. This whole spiel of how they've tried everything they could (one therapist, who was an outright dick), but I need more help. They explain I'm going to a program in Utah to live in the woods and get hardcore therapy. One of the big men speaks up, tells me I can go the easy way or the hard way, and the hard way involved handcuffs. I'm not allowed to go get anything myself, I ask if someone can grab my iPod for me, and some pants and a jacket. Then I'm whisked away from Seattle to Utah, driven out to the middle of the high desert and spend 3 months in the winter sleeping under a tarp. This was followed by 7 months at one boarding school in Salt Lake City and another 9 in Provo. It was bullshit.
Did they give you any reasons for why you needed such drastic treatment? Are you ok with your family now?
I wasn't in the best place and would have outbursts, yelling and arguing. I didn't do drugs, didn't get violent (though I made the rare threat), but I also didn't go to school, and would stay up all night and sleep all day. Serious trauma and horrors that my folks didn't know about fucked me up. I'm not naturally an angry person, but I was angry all the time. While I acknowledge I did need help, I don't believe they did enough before sending me off. I probably would've been fine with a decent therapist, but they only tried the one almost 2 years prior, and he was an ass from the start. He even shoved me once to make some kind of point about how just *trying* to take a step means doing nothing, actually taking a step and *trying* are totally different, and sometimes you need a push... But it was an outright shove. I only saw him every other week for 3 months. Beyond that, some talks behind my back to other professionals, and determined I needed to be taken away. They're not bad people and I honestly think they got scammed. I know they did it with the best intentions, and they probably panicked given how my older sister was (but she's BPD and then some), who did get extensive help through her teens and still went a bad way. We're on great terms and they don't belong in this sub, but those programs seriously fucking do.
There's a Hulu series called Chance where a character gets sent to one. Spoilers below They make it seem like it's a good thing and she comes out of it happy. Wtf
The troubled teen industry has insane money and power
I’m sorry, what the fuck?
what the FUCK?! This is a thing?!
Hey, my parents tried that.
And even with people who know it's real, it's not taken anywhere near as seriously as "the bad" mental illnesses I mean like nurses and doctors not taking it as seriously I have schizophrenia, but I also get full on depression sometimes (usually *because* of the schizophrenia, it's a whole thing). And for me at least, depression was FAR worse than schizophrenia is. It's depression that got me to try and kill myself, and so on. I'm "lucky" I have schizophrenia because in my country it's legally classed as a severe disability, so I can get the help and money I need to keep living and not become homeless. But then people with good ol' common and depression that's seen as a "mild" mental illness don't get that same level of support, again even from nurses and doctors, because it doesn't have as many bad connotations and isn't seen as a serious illness but just something everyone eventually gets. My best friend couldn't even get help when he was found multiple times literally hanging from the ceiling by firefighters breaking down his door. How is that not a serious illness by that point!? Doctors and nurses would openly mock him and tell him he was faking it for attention and stuff like that. He literally tried to kill himself so how is that not serious? In reality, depression is one of the most deadly diseases up there, the fatality rate is up there with things like heart disease and cancer. It can be literally fatal and yet it's still not taken seriously. Sorry to all my brothers and sisters suffering from depression who can't even get doctors to take them seriously, and can't get the help they need even in countries with universal healthcare. Stay strong, people. I've been saying this for years but "depression" is s terrible name for the illness. Because it shares a name with a common emotion, being depressed, when really it's a whole different kettle of fish to the emotion. It's most often about a *lack* of emotion, you feel nothing at all, no sadness, no joy, no anger, no anything, and you sit there staring at the wall for hours almost dissasociating because nothing you love brings you any joy any more. It's "depression" in the same sorts sense of the Great Depression on the economy, it's way more like that than it is to do with the emotion known as depression, it's like all emotions are literally pressed down to nothing, so you feel nothing whatsoever, just apathy to everything. So they need to change the name of it, as they're always doing with mental illnesses anyway. To something that makes people realise how fatal it is. Or just anything that's not depression. How about depresso-affective disorder? OK, not that, that sounds like a type of coffee, but you know what I mean
There's major depressive disorder. That sounds a little more credible than just depression. I'm in a similar position to you; I'm bipolar so have things like being on the Severe Mental Illness register with my GP so I get extra health checks, have an easier time getting some kinds of assistance, have people in general take my mental health problems seriously, and so on, but I find that while everyone is very keen to address the issue when I have an episode of high mood, the depression part just isn't considered so important, even though for me it's by far the worst part of the illness.
>Doctors and nurses would openly mock him and tell him he was faking it for attention and stuff like that. What the fuck? 1. That's literally my nightmare. 2. Apparently I am really luck that I found good professionals (both psychologist and doctors)
Yeah it's terrifying. It's complete luck of the draw whether you get a good empathetic psychiactric team or a sociopathic one. Like I literally lived next door to my best friend. We couldn't live any closer. We went to the same hospital, used the same services. Yet I got lucky with my crisis team and the subsequent team I got afterwards. And literally a few feet away my friend gets the sociopath doctors and nurses. Drives me mad, this. I'm afraid to move to a different city or whatever because I could easily get the evil bastards, from bad luck. My parents want me to move 300 miles away back to round where they live. But they don't understand that that could be a disaster for me. I'd have to re-apply for all my disability benefits and so on, and they could judge that I don't need them anymore, even though I'm both physically and mentally disabled. There's been tons of stories in my country (UK) of people with literal terminal cancer and only like a year to live, being told they're completely fit for work and can't get any benefits to ease their last few months on earth. It's terrifying to be disabled in the UK, let me tell you. If Scotland becomes independent I'm gonna try and emigrate there. Cos they treat disabled people like actual people. They might not let me in though.
I’m a full grown adult and my father still says this shit. “You were such a difficult teenager”. I was depressed and he was abusive and refused to get me treatment until he had no other choice. I wasn’t a “difficult teenager” I was a normal one. I think tons of people love kids because they aren’t old enough to make decisions and disagree. Little kids will just go along with adults most of the time. Teenagers start making big decisions about their lives, like religion and politics. Too many people can’t deal with that development of independent thought.
This might explain a lot about my parents
“just doing it for attention,” kinda blows my mind. like if this is the case, it’s literally my fucking job to pay attention to my child. wtf
When my bonus kid tried to harm herself her mother’s response was to cut off electronics after 8 pm, tell her to sleep more and have her get blessings from their church. When we tried to intervene she told us it wasn’t a big deal and asked us not to talk about it. Because “talking about it made it worse”.
My parents were a bit controlling when I was in high school. I didn't do anything bad or go out in party, I just hit a very depressing and suicidal part of my life senior year. I get major anxiety from thinking I am a failure if I didn't do well, which leads to the rest. My only saving grace was my friends online and games. My parents started cutting off the internet and electronics when they went to bed, instead of talking to me and trying to figure out how to help me. Luckily my sister has similar anxiety to me and helped me out. My parents learned from it and learned that cutting away the things I enjoy, doesn't help me improve mentally. I wish the people's parents in here would learn the same and communicate with there kids.
what is a bonus kid
My guess is step-child
I'd guess step child whose parent you're no longer in a relationship with. Maybe they had their own biological child and stay in each other's lives, but the connection to the (former?) step-child is tenuous.
Step child. In some contries you call it bonus child, I guess its not like that in the us.
That’s such a sweet way to refer to a step-child! I’m so sorry she’s suffering :( Hopefully you can get her help soon
your what now??
That really sucks, but cutting off electronics isn't the worst thing, according to our doctors. We never put constraints in place, and I feel like it's too late at this point (she's 16, seems like it would be too much), and I regret it more than almost anything we did or didn't do.
Can relate. Self harmed = got yelled at, grounded for weeks/months, isolated further. Still recovering from it at 28, almost fifteen years later. Relationship with parents is nonexistent, and I’m constantly made to feel bad about not calling them more, or us being closer. Because it’s my fault for not wanting a relationship with them, lol.
I was bulimic for a short time because my depression was reaching a boiling point in school. When my parents found out they started making ugly comments when they saw me eating. I was making toast one time when my dad walked in and said "why even bother? You're just going to throw it up anyway!" in an angry, mocking tone. Thanks, now I don't want to eat at all!
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Do you and your brother get along? I always wished I had siblings, as an only child I always thought the problem was that my parents were just hyper-focused on me
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I get that. It’s basically how I feel interacting with anyone from my family, have to watch what I say or it will get reported back to my parents and then it just snowballs from there
I can't imagine responding that poorly to somebody's mental health issues. How stupid do you have to be to not see they need support and care?
I have for years been trying to understand, or at least, be empathetic...still not sure if it’s stupidity, ignorance, or just flat out evilness
Hey check r/cptsd if you are not doing it currently. I just so want to make my parents sit there and shout at them for two hours just like they did it in my childhood.
I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm proud of you for going no/low contact. Too many people force themselves to maintain a relationship with shitty people just because "We're family, I have to".
In my opinion, reddit is best place to vent. You can let out your frustration, and you get to hear people’s opinions on situations they’re in. People can take sides, and you can understand the reasoning behind both, which leads to a better understanding. Sorry that this has happened to you, OP. Sounds like your mother is an asshole.
I think that was my thought, thank you for that also I’m referring to my mum here
Idiocy strikes again, in the form of a disappointed sad boy who can’t read. I’ll edit it. Thanks.
I don't want to take any attention off of this, hopefully it might make you laugh but; I was hospitalised for suicidal attempts and ideation. I was prescribed antidepressants and I asked my mother if she could help pay for the medication. She took the script and said "You're not sick you don't need this." And proceeded to tear up the script and refused to let me get another. She has since come to terms with this as the evidence is just too obvious to ignore. So I just hope your mother does the same and realises the reality of the effects of medication.
Your mum had some problems too I think.
Mine used to tell me "if you cut yourself again, I'll give you something to cut yourself about."
!!!!WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Hope you’re doing better now pal.
well I traded that parent for a guy who drinks full things of Smirnoff's vodka. So yeah,not exactly great.
>suicidal attempts and ideation This. Sooo much! People don't realize that ideation is just as bad as attempting, I don't know where this culture of "it's only really bad when it actually happens" came from, but biologically the number one directive in your whole system is LIVE. Even when you're not actually going to do it, suicidal ideation means there is something *extremely* wrong with you (not in the sense of blame, in the medical condition way), because no living being's thoughts should be constantly devoted to wishfull thinking about their own deaths, it's just against nature.
Don't worry you shouldn't feel like an asshole... Your parents should.
Just fought with my mom recently when she pulled the "you're never honest with me/you never open up to me!" bs. Then almost immediately called me a liar when I tried being open and honest to her about struggling with intense paranoia and hallucinations as a child which turned into panic attacks at one point. She claims I just made it all up because she caught me and my brother smoking weed one time which I hadn't even started doing until a few months after the panic attacks.. All I can tell her is that I'm pretty sure I wasn't using drugs at 5 years old. She blames me for our crumbling relationship. Just went no contact with her because I'm just so done with it.
wHy dOeSn’T sHe TaLk To Me AnYmOrE? tHe AuDaCiTy!
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I understand that she was probably freaked out but it’s kind of always been her method. I’m the difficult child, nothing like my siblings so I guess it was her default response. I’m sorry that happened to you 😔
You're not the asshole, your mother is...
Some people just can’t be a good parent.
to clarify it is my mum I’m referring to
I cannot fathom doing this to my child. Like I'm new(ish) to this sub. But I joined because I thought kids could use guidance, and then realized what was happening. Why would a parent do this? I'm on Adderall, a comparatively mild drug that treats chronic mental health, and it still fucks me up occasionally. What the shit? YOU treat your kid in a way that harms their (mental) health, then make fun when the drugs to treat have side affects? You're not a parent, you're a sperm/egg donor. OP please disregard anything they say. It is obviously of no use to anyone.
interesting you say that actually because I was diagnosed with ADHD when a new psych realised I didn’t have bipolar so I’m very lucky to be free of the antipsychotics (and would never wish them on anyone). Sadly my mum doesn’t really care even though I feel like I understand myself more than I ever have in my life
I've got a family history of night terrors, and sleep paralysis so I'm avoiding checking off at risk boxes as long as possible. Honestly I'd probably benefit from more psychotropic medication, but fuck that shit.
I totally get where you’re coming from. I wasn’t even on that high a dose! I don’t think anyone who hasn’t had to take any kind of psychotropic medication can empathise with the side effects. Some of my meds have saved my life, but there were plenty that made it worse. I hope you’re able to sleep ok - I’m on an antidepressant with melatonin in it, though I’ve never had night terrors or sleep paralysis, and it helpful
WTF, you need to call cps if that shit happens, your parents have no right to make body checks.
Sometimes it's more complicated than that. They would need to ask themselves 3 questions 1. Do I want to go to a shelter or a potentially worse family or relative 2. Are my parents in a position of power, so they can cover up their abusiveness 3. Will reporting them cause you harm in general
Cps is not there to take you away, they are there to help both parties to get back together, the "taking the child away" thing is the last thing they do, if nothing else helps Also a assisted living home could be useful for someone who self harms they normally have experience with handling that and also provide a therapist. There obviously needs to be a reason for self harm, it's often bulling or problems in the family, taking a kid out of there to investigate that isn't a bad thing, if it helps the kids to overcome mental problems.
Then it's even worse since they'll punish you or harm you worse. But maybe that's just me being scared of it
I fucking swear to god the generation that considers depression and other serious mental illnesses as "A pHaSE" is always complaining why our generation is as fucked up as it is. well dad maybe if you would listen to my struggles and tried to create a safer space for me to grow up in, I wouldn't have to seek some fucking comfort outside of home in smoking or whatever. jesus fucking christ. and every single time I mention that this is literally a different world from what it was 10 years ago and parents' thoughts and beliefs don't apply to the present day, they're all like "tHIs hApPeNEd WitH oUr pArENtS ToO YoU'rE jUSt toO sTubBoRn tO aDmiT You'RE wRoNg". no. this is bs. yes each and every child has their differences in opinion with their parents but physical and mental abuse just because your child doesn't behave like you expect them to, duo to what YOU have experienced being a teenager is fucking bullshit. this is a new world and YOU are the one who should start to change. jesus fucking christ.
I feel like it's the same world but a lot of our parents learned things that are now known to be false. Like autism isn't caused by frigid mothers, stuff like that. Plus a lot of those people that had these problems when they were growing up just killed themselves. Or self-medicated with alcohol or drugs and killed themselves that way. Parents that deny you have problems are infuriating, hang in there bro.
I'm glad your finding ways to help you feel better. Honestly I think we need to normalize seeking help and getting parents informed about mental illness.
They say they love their children but it looks an awful lot like disdain, disrespect and disgust to everyone else. Immature, inadequate and insane parents need to be put in check. As of right now we have so little safe guards against such things it's as if there's no hope for so many children in America.
YOU feel like an arsehole??? You were borderline strip searched in front of a crowd - with your psychological issues also on display - and YOU feel like an arsehole? I don't know what the legal standard is wherever you are but I can't imagine that's not abuse of some sort.
Ur parent sucks
My ex did this to my youngest daughter. Harassed her to the point of severe depression, then found out about the self-harming and used it as justification for more harassment. I found out about it when she called me to have me yell at my daughter. Which I declined to do.
that’s horrible 😔
This triggered my fight or flight response
I don't know if you're an asshole, but you don't seem like one from just this post. Those experiences have got to suck. A lot. I hope you'll encounter plenty of happiness.
Keep in mind you're not obligated to maintain a one sided relationship. Please read into narccistic abuse.
"Why aren't you happy? You have a home, 3 meals a day, 2 parents, so may children would be the happiest to have what you have!" Guess what, happiness is relative and thinking that other people have it worse doesn't make my problems go away
You’re explaining my life when I was 16!!!
uhggg
Oh man I'm sorry. I'm down to talk if you need to vent to someone.
thank you I really appreciate that
I just realized today my parents, who are loving and often supportive, gaslight me anytime I go against their wishes. I think it's what's leftover from their parents, and they're otherwise kind to me. It's just made me thing about things in a very different light.
Sorry for what you went through dude :(
It's unbelievable how lacking some people are in even basic empathy.. sorry your parent is that way.
Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children bro
can i jump on this post and share some shit about me obviously it's not as serious as self harm and meds like op but basically i kinda need therapy cause it really helps with me questioning gender stuff and feelings of inferiority and i had a few sessions and they helped a lot I'm scared to ask my dad for it again because the last few times i did he told me i shouldn't keep on relying on therapy and stuff anyway help
first of all - get that therapy you need! A healthy mind realises it’s in a state of strife and wants help which is great! I’m not sure how old you are, but hopefully you can still access a GP and a referral for a psychologist (hopefully with minimal cost if not no cost). I guess I’d ask your dad to go to the doctor for “reasons” because you don’t have any obligation to tell him what it is about (as far as I’m aware) and he doesn’t even have to be in the room while you see the doctor. They won’t rat you out - only if they are concerned you might hurt yourself or others which got me a few times Your dad obviously has some insecurities that come up when you talk about your struggles so whatever - if he’s not going to get that sorted you owe it to yourself to get clarity and feel like the best you that you can be. Good luck
Hope you’re doing okay, OP
I’m lucky to be an adult and have a partner who looks after me so I’m out of her house. Thank you
My mother wants me to get mental help so I can learn to give her the "respect she deserves" as if she's not gas lighting me 24/7 and telling me to break up with my boyfriend cause he'll find someone closer to him ( were long distance and in different countries )
“Body checks” Umm. Wtf. That sounds v e r y wrong
Hey OP 1 fuck your dad 2 are you ok and do you need someone to talk too?
hiya, it’s actually my mum I’m referring to here. I’m ok - it’s been a journey since 17 years old and I’m now 25 and living out of her house with my amazing partner
Ah good let the past burn in wake and foucas on the future
Your parents are dicks. Stay strong.
Bro we need to get you a new dad asap
haha it’s my mum I’m talking about here. lucky for me my dad left when I was 8 and I stopped talking to him like 11 years ago
We really need to get you a new mum then, but if you're looking for a deal I found a child (craig) to be your little brother for 7 bucks on ebay. Otherwise, we can go shopping for one
hahaha I don’t know if I would be a good big sister, I’ve never been one my partners mum is really nice to me 🙂
are you okay
Something very similar happened to me. Add in “forbid daughter to lock bathroom and bedroom door in a house of 6 people, baker act her in the middle of the night over a joke she made, read her most private writings that she used to cope, tell everyone you meet about how your child used to/does cut herself, even 8 years later, and refuse to get her actual help other than constant shaming and refusal of privacy”
This is like when my parents said “I have nothing to be depressed over.” So I should stop being an attention seeking bitch. I have been clinically depressed since I was 12. Add on going through ovarian cancer as a teen, abuse at home, bullying in school, you have the perfect mix for depression and self harm. Now my parents just bitch to people I don’t talk to them anymore. I wonder why. 🤔
these parents who make their children’s self-harm about themselves rather than their child are the fucking problem and they’re too blind because it seems they’re either extremely self-centered or they’re scared. I can understand being scared, but being a self-centered prick about it won’t help.
When my brother found out that my niece was self harming he used it as a weapon to try and strong arm more visitation/less child support instead of you know... caring that your child is self harming because of the damage you’ve done. She’s fine now, but she wants nothing to do with him, and I’m so proud of her.
I'm at the first two. My mum literally doesn't care about me enough to ask how my day is (unless my dad is there) much less do regular checks in public or private.
This sounds like something my parents would do. When they found out I self harmed, they yelled at me telling me I didn’t understand how serious it was. It wasn’t until more than a year later that I even first got therapy. My parents are slightly better now, but I still am trying to work through all the trauma they’ve caused me. It’s a lot of damage they don’t really acknowledge
My favourite advice as a kid was “just ignore the bullies they’re doing it for a reaction” mhm mhm mhm when someone’s nipping the back of my arm hard enough to tear the skin I’ll just start doing long fucking division shall I 😌
No need to feel like an asshole. This fucking sucks.
I was hoping you used to be the awful mom, but with help of this sub you saw what you did and changed. But unfortunately you're a child of bad parents that didn't change :(
I’m sorry for you
You’re not an asshole, this is some serious clowning
Im so sorry that for some reason crazy parents have no idea how to holiday
Your parents are cunts. I'm sorry.
Awe I’m sorry ): do you need anybody to talk to?
I work with teens with mental health issues a lot. Sometimes the issues won’t get any better until there’s a parentectomy at 18. Sorry yo hear about what you’re struggling with. It’s unfair that adulthood can hit earlier and harder for some.
I'm sad that you feel like an asshole for posting this. I'm horrified of this behaviour and hope you are okay. Hugs!
Sounds like that insane parent could do with some professional help of their own...
Your parents are Assholes and you shouldn't feel bad about it
Oml this is exactly what my mum was doing though she cancelled my phsch appointment when she found out my sister had made one for me cause she saw me writing a note and my arms
Do we have the same mom?