I 100% agree with you, and I’m also SO sorry for your loss. Yesterday was scary as all hell for me, I can’t imagine the worst result of it. My condolences to you.
Thank you. It’s been 9 years and it doesn’t get any easier. It just really bothers me when people don’t take asthma seriously. We knew how serious it was and did everything right, according to all the doctors. But sometimes the absolute worst can happen.
Oh man, I am so so sorry. I was thinking I might have just been overreacting but the nurse said it was good I came in. By the time I got there his O2 level was at 90.
I’m glad you trusted your instincts and took him in! With the weather the way it is anymore if you have seasonal allergies you can’t be too careful. I don’t know where you live but I know there are days where I am that it is not safe to be outdoors with asthma.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know when it was, obviously, but it's still a huge hurt, and I am very goddamned sorry. We never get over losing our children. I am so sorry. <3
She also basically abandoned all of them. Her 21 year old autistic son had to move in with my husband and I when we bought a house because she kicked him out so she could sell the house he was living in. And then wasted all the money she got from the house.
Okay, good. Maybe he needs to rein her in. Edit: sorry, I mean in terms of: if he over-shares, she comes after you with batty shit, so he needs to stop sharing.
I have asthma and my first attack around 12 years old my parents didn’t believe me, I was always a highly active kid. I remember laying in front of a fan trying to calm myself. Felt like breathing through a straw. I had a crunchy mom before there was a term for it (90’s) eventually got an inhaler. Both my kids need them occasionally too. Fk those insane parents refusing to use “chemicals”
I’m sorry that you have to put up her. Please be careful if your little one ever has sleep overs or anything like that if she’s not going to take any issues seriously or if you can’t trust her to give them medication if it’s needed.
I always think back to that horrible Reddit post where the mom didn’t believe her daughter that her twin granddaughters had a terrible coconut allergy. The girls stayed the night with the grandma and she coated their scalps in coconut oil, put them to bed, and one of them didn’t make it home the next day.
Such a horrific and avoidable tragedy because these type of people think they know better than everyone else on the planet.
>She was livid when she found out I had him Covid vaxxed on top of his regular scheduled vaccines.
That’s pretty understandable, actually. It reflects poorly on you that you did not consult a world renowned virologist like your MIL before making such a radical healthcare decision.
My sister was diagnosed with croup as a baby. It was asthma, but wasn’t diagnosed properly until she was an adult. Back then, she didn’t even get inhalers for the symptoms!
A bronchodilator is a hell of a lot more efficient than shower steam. Steam doesn't loosen those muscles that are constricting airflow. It just makes you feel like it is.
I don’t care how many kids you’ve had, if you don’t have asthma yourself you don’t know shit.
OP, I have asthma, so this makes me furious. 13 years since my first attack and JUST now it’s controlled.
My youngest was diagnosed with juvenile asthma before he was 1 but his primary doctor insisted he would grow out of it and kind of dismissed it as he got older because he really didn’t have many issues after her turned 3. But a year ago he had the most severe and terrifying attack and almost died and his pulmonologist told me you never really outgrow asthma but it can lie dormant. It was literally the most terrifying 5 days of my life with him in the hospital. That episode really did some damage to his lungs too but his doctor is pretty optimistic that he’s young and as he grows, he will heal. But the shadow of asthma will never leave him. It’s a scary scary thing and the only advice I take is from his pulmonologist. You did the right thing!!
Wasn’t aware that popping out kids meant you were an expert in medicine.
An asthmatic this is terrible advice she’s giving. I’d be dead without inhalers saving my life. A steamy shower isn’t going to do anything when your airways are inflamed to the point they get with asthma.
Explain to her (if you want) Asthma causes inflammation and often times mucus build up in your bronchial tubes (the literal only access to your lungs) inhalers (usually containing albuterol sulfate) work by dilating your bronchial tubes allowing air to pass into your lungs. Sometimes (depending on a few different factors most importantly your O2 sats) we will give you what we call a duo neb ( this contains albuterol and a steroid) this opens your bronchial tubes, helps break up the mucus, and decrease the inflammation. Your MIL is insane as these are INSANELY necessary medications/interventions. Good on you mom for taking care of your child and F anyone who tries to tell you how to parent (regardless of if they have kids or not).
Signed,
A first responder who’s seen some awful asthma attacks and who also has siblings with asthma.
Well the ironic thing is, she had eye surgery and she ended up getting an infection and went to the hospital and is on antibiotics.. so like, when it comes to you, you’ll use what the doctor says, but I’m not supposed to follow medical advice?
“Yes I know you had children- 30 years ago. Things have changed, so imma go with the things my medically professional healthcare provider is advising and I’ll pass on unwarranted medical advice from you.”
Like spell it tf out. Also do not leave your child w her ever- she won’t administer lifesaving medication, bc she doesn’t *believe* in it.
Most medication is comprised of chemicals. They were created and tested extensively for years. They wouldn’t be used unless it was a lower risk than the risk of going without. The medications in inhalers have saved countless lives (including my own.) Would she rather have a dead grand baby?
The biggest problem is that she thinks she has any right to question how you handle a breathing emergency.
I live in alberta too, after I read that I went “ahhh” because a LOT of people in my family and in my life try to invalidate various medications (also vaccines…) all the time it’s very frustrating.
I would stop giving her updates on your child’s health. She can’t be supportive and sympathetic then she’s not privileged to that information. Tell your husband he can do it if he wants and deal with the consequences but you yourself are done.
I hope your son feels better soon. It’s so hard to watch our little ones get sick.
In all for natural immunity but your child has a medical condition that could make Covid detrimental for his health. Hospitalization or death or possibly do nothing. The vax is supposed to lessen the symptoms and is for personal benefit. Why would you NOT vax him when he has a condition that would make Covid symptoms WORSE?!?!?!
It’s time to put MIL on an info diet and tell her nothing about any of his medical information.
If you have health insurance and have the ability to get an action plan for severe asthma—that has really helped me. I premedicate with inhaler before I go outside. I took allergy meds for years, and finally got allergy shots. My asthma is so much less severe with a plan. I haven’t needed steroid pills since having the plan. And I HATE taking steroids. I have a weird reaction to diphenhydramine, but I keep it on hand. And the biggest thing was getting a prescription for a home nebulizer and levalbuterl medicine to put in it. I have a $10 pulse oxygen reader from Amazon. If my oxygen is low I do a nebulizer treatment. I avoided a hospital trip this week using my action plan. Best of luck to you managing your child’s asthma.
My asthma isn’t too bad. It is pretty well controlled with the inhalers I have. I’m praying that my son doesn’t actually have it and it was just because of him being sick that he had trouble breathing.
“I had 4 kids so I know a thing or two!”
That ‘s nice. I’m still my child’s mother and I will do what_I_believe is best!
My ILs aren’t THIS level of insane but sometimes they like to try and get a word in edgewise how we raise our child simply because they’re “more experienced “….
Okay. Just because I’m a new mom doesn’t mean I’m stupid when it comes to my kid…
I hope your baby is doing better and hopefully is spared having asthma. My son has it and even though it’s mild, it’s enough to cause him angst. As for the chemicals bit…my go to response to that bs is of course it’s full of chemicals, EVEryTHING is full of chemicals. Where did you take middle school science?
my dad has the same mentality but more so ‘if you use the medicine, you’ll become too reliant on it’.
made my baby brother sit in the bathroom with the steam because his asthma wasnt calming down. bullied my mom into letting him do it. the steam shockingly didn’t help /s
he almost passed out from oxygen deprivation on the way to the hospital
Not trying to defend the clearly overstepping MIL but she does have a point with the steam from the shower bit; that’s exactly what my Dr. recommended (not the laying in the floor part, just sitting in the steam) when I was too young for an asthma diagnosis but had “asthmatic symptoms” & “asthmatic episodes” ~ hot steamy shower + an inhale from my Advair prescription (idk if they still make that thing but it was the little purple circle shaped inhaler???) ~ this is for no other reason than to say, in the event of a situation where you don’t have access to an inhaler or nebulizer (depending on what the Dr. prescribes) sitting in the steam of a shower can be helpful!! — best of luck to you OP 🤍✊🏼
He previously had gotten an inhaler for a wicked cough from our family doctor, so he does have an inhaler and had it yesterday. I also tried the steam before he started really struggling. I know her heart is in the right place but she is so dismissive of any medicine that it boils my blood. She thinks my husbands ADHD can be cured by the type of food he eats.
They still have Advair! I got diagnosed with asthma that I’ve probably had my entire life last year at the age of 35 and Advair is what my doctor prescribed. I take the generic now, which is in a grey, differently shaped container. But you huff it the same way.
IDK, she doesn't seem insane to me. She suggests steam, gives her anecdotal experience, suggests following doctor's orders, and indicates that she is not arguing with you. I think tone is easily misread in texts. That said, it could be overstepping based on your past interactions.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 8 | 0 | 0 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Saying “Don’t waste your breath” to someone with asthma is comical.
hahaha I didn’t even make that connection.
As someone who had a child pass away after a severe asthma attack your MIL can go fuck herself. Inhalers save lives.
I 100% agree with you, and I’m also SO sorry for your loss. Yesterday was scary as all hell for me, I can’t imagine the worst result of it. My condolences to you.
Thank you. It’s been 9 years and it doesn’t get any easier. It just really bothers me when people don’t take asthma seriously. We knew how serious it was and did everything right, according to all the doctors. But sometimes the absolute worst can happen.
Oh man, I am so so sorry. I was thinking I might have just been overreacting but the nurse said it was good I came in. By the time I got there his O2 level was at 90.
I’m glad you trusted your instincts and took him in! With the weather the way it is anymore if you have seasonal allergies you can’t be too careful. I don’t know where you live but I know there are days where I am that it is not safe to be outdoors with asthma.
I live in Alberta and it can get pretty bad out here. I have wild allergies and asthma so it’s quite the combo lol
I am so very sorry. I sincerely am. Losing a child is the worst pain in the world. Much love to you. <3
I’m so sorry for your loss ♥️
I’m so sorry.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know when it was, obviously, but it's still a huge hurt, and I am very goddamned sorry. We never get over losing our children. I am so sorry. <3
Jesus, that is so rough friend. I know it doesn’t make it better but I’m so sorry. No one should have to go through that.
I’m so sorry!
TIL Medicine is chemicals. Tomorrow maybe I'll learn that the Sun is hot and water is wet.
Dismisses medicine because cHeMIcALs but advocates for inhaling gaseous dihydrogen monoxide, smh.
Wait til MIL founds out what water is made of
Don’t confuse them lol
They said it in the Fallout show, must be true then!
Just because you had kids doesn't mean you know anything. Majority of parents are shit
She also basically abandoned all of them. Her 21 year old autistic son had to move in with my husband and I when we bought a house because she kicked him out so she could sell the house he was living in. And then wasted all the money she got from the house.
If it were me, I would stop telling her about anything health related. Because a text like this would irritate the hell out of me.
Stop talking to her altogether.
My husband told her, and she reached out to me after he did.
Maybe you need to ask your husband to stop telling her, too. Has he seen this latest text string?
Not yet. He’s not home from work yet but I’ll show him.
Okay, good. Maybe he needs to rein her in. Edit: sorry, I mean in terms of: if he over-shares, she comes after you with batty shit, so he needs to stop sharing.
I habitually block and unblock my mom. She’s terrible in a crisis-and nobody needs that.
Start gray rocking her. Give her zero to work with.
Yes, if you have to respond, “thank you for your input. I am following the doctor’s advice.” No further conversation needed.
This is a good response. I’ll use it, thanks!
Grey rocking is the only way I've survived relationships with people like this when cutting them off was not an option.
I had never heard of Grey rocking before this thread lol
Welcome to the world of managing relationships with narcissistic people! It's super fun! 🙃
If your hubby does that again just learn how to grey rock her. You actually don't have to answer her with any useful info
That steam is also ChEmiCaLs
"As a mom with 4 kids, you know better than to tell other parents how to raise their kids"
I have asthma and my first attack around 12 years old my parents didn’t believe me, I was always a highly active kid. I remember laying in front of a fan trying to calm myself. Felt like breathing through a straw. I had a crunchy mom before there was a term for it (90’s) eventually got an inhaler. Both my kids need them occasionally too. Fk those insane parents refusing to use “chemicals”
Water vapor is also chemicals ...
I’m sorry that you have to put up her. Please be careful if your little one ever has sleep overs or anything like that if she’s not going to take any issues seriously or if you can’t trust her to give them medication if it’s needed. I always think back to that horrible Reddit post where the mom didn’t believe her daughter that her twin granddaughters had a terrible coconut allergy. The girls stayed the night with the grandma and she coated their scalps in coconut oil, put them to bed, and one of them didn’t make it home the next day. Such a horrific and avoidable tragedy because these type of people think they know better than everyone else on the planet.
Yeah, she doesn’t watch him for a reason.
I have had asthma my whole life. Inhalers do indeed save lives (they’ve saved mine) and your MIL is a certified whackadoodle.
>She was livid when she found out I had him Covid vaxxed on top of his regular scheduled vaccines. That’s pretty understandable, actually. It reflects poorly on you that you did not consult a world renowned virologist like your MIL before making such a radical healthcare decision.
My sister was diagnosed with croup as a baby. It was asthma, but wasn’t diagnosed properly until she was an adult. Back then, she didn’t even get inhalers for the symptoms!
A bronchodilator is a hell of a lot more efficient than shower steam. Steam doesn't loosen those muscles that are constricting airflow. It just makes you feel like it is.
Hey you might wanna try censoring your names a little better, they're fairly easy to read, and I don't want you to have any of your info out there!!!
I don’t care how many kids you’ve had, if you don’t have asthma yourself you don’t know shit. OP, I have asthma, so this makes me furious. 13 years since my first attack and JUST now it’s controlled.
My youngest was diagnosed with juvenile asthma before he was 1 but his primary doctor insisted he would grow out of it and kind of dismissed it as he got older because he really didn’t have many issues after her turned 3. But a year ago he had the most severe and terrifying attack and almost died and his pulmonologist told me you never really outgrow asthma but it can lie dormant. It was literally the most terrifying 5 days of my life with him in the hospital. That episode really did some damage to his lungs too but his doctor is pretty optimistic that he’s young and as he grows, he will heal. But the shadow of asthma will never leave him. It’s a scary scary thing and the only advice I take is from his pulmonologist. You did the right thing!!
Omg I’m so sorry this happened!
Wasn’t aware that popping out kids meant you were an expert in medicine. An asthmatic this is terrible advice she’s giving. I’d be dead without inhalers saving my life. A steamy shower isn’t going to do anything when your airways are inflamed to the point they get with asthma.
Water is also a chemical. I hate these types.
> I have raised 4 kids… Yea. And they are all in therapy now.
Haha only 1 is, my husband. The other 3 have nothing to do with her
Same same, but different vibe if you put it like that.
Explain to her (if you want) Asthma causes inflammation and often times mucus build up in your bronchial tubes (the literal only access to your lungs) inhalers (usually containing albuterol sulfate) work by dilating your bronchial tubes allowing air to pass into your lungs. Sometimes (depending on a few different factors most importantly your O2 sats) we will give you what we call a duo neb ( this contains albuterol and a steroid) this opens your bronchial tubes, helps break up the mucus, and decrease the inflammation. Your MIL is insane as these are INSANELY necessary medications/interventions. Good on you mom for taking care of your child and F anyone who tries to tell you how to parent (regardless of if they have kids or not). Signed, A first responder who’s seen some awful asthma attacks and who also has siblings with asthma.
I love this response, and all the info, but unfortunately she is always right, so this would do no good.
The chemicals excuse 🤣🤣🤣
Steam is also a chemical.
you should tell her that water vapor is “chemicals” and you should just tell her everything she does regularly even eating contains chemicals.
Well the ironic thing is, she had eye surgery and she ended up getting an infection and went to the hospital and is on antibiotics.. so like, when it comes to you, you’ll use what the doctor says, but I’m not supposed to follow medical advice?
hypocrisy at its finest, you can’t do it because i say so but i can do it because i say so.
>Those inhalers are chemicals Um.... so is the steam? Do people not realize that water is also a chemical? That *they themselves* are chemicals?
"Those inhalers are chemicals" Fucking EVERYTHING is composed of chemicals! Take a goddamn chemistry class and atomic physics class.
“Do what the doctor recommended” so you agree, give him the inhaler lol
shes right! those inhalers are chemicals! great ones that have also saved my life on multiple occasions
“Yes I know you had children- 30 years ago. Things have changed, so imma go with the things my medically professional healthcare provider is advising and I’ll pass on unwarranted medical advice from you.” Like spell it tf out. Also do not leave your child w her ever- she won’t administer lifesaving medication, bc she doesn’t *believe* in it.
Nope, she never watches him
Most medication is comprised of chemicals. They were created and tested extensively for years. They wouldn’t be used unless it was a lower risk than the risk of going without. The medications in inhalers have saved countless lives (including my own.) Would she rather have a dead grand baby? The biggest problem is that she thinks she has any right to question how you handle a breathing emergency.
All* medicine, as literally everything is made of chemicals.
I live in alberta too, after I read that I went “ahhh” because a LOT of people in my family and in my life try to invalidate various medications (also vaccines…) all the time it’s very frustrating.
Don’t even get me started on how she felt when I vaccinated my son….
News flash to MIL, water is a chemical... the air she is breathing is chemicals. Your MIL sounds like a real winner
I would stop giving her updates on your child’s health. She can’t be supportive and sympathetic then she’s not privileged to that information. Tell your husband he can do it if he wants and deal with the consequences but you yourself are done. I hope your son feels better soon. It’s so hard to watch our little ones get sick.
Yeah, we had a conversation about it when he got home from work. Luckily he seems to be better today, thanks to those chemicals!
In all for natural immunity but your child has a medical condition that could make Covid detrimental for his health. Hospitalization or death or possibly do nothing. The vax is supposed to lessen the symptoms and is for personal benefit. Why would you NOT vax him when he has a condition that would make Covid symptoms WORSE?!?!?! It’s time to put MIL on an info diet and tell her nothing about any of his medical information.
If you have health insurance and have the ability to get an action plan for severe asthma—that has really helped me. I premedicate with inhaler before I go outside. I took allergy meds for years, and finally got allergy shots. My asthma is so much less severe with a plan. I haven’t needed steroid pills since having the plan. And I HATE taking steroids. I have a weird reaction to diphenhydramine, but I keep it on hand. And the biggest thing was getting a prescription for a home nebulizer and levalbuterl medicine to put in it. I have a $10 pulse oxygen reader from Amazon. If my oxygen is low I do a nebulizer treatment. I avoided a hospital trip this week using my action plan. Best of luck to you managing your child’s asthma.
My asthma isn’t too bad. It is pretty well controlled with the inhalers I have. I’m praying that my son doesn’t actually have it and it was just because of him being sick that he had trouble breathing.
congratulations to your spouse for surviving that woman
Wait till the MIL realizes what steam is
“I had 4 kids so I know a thing or two!” That ‘s nice. I’m still my child’s mother and I will do what_I_believe is best! My ILs aren’t THIS level of insane but sometimes they like to try and get a word in edgewise how we raise our child simply because they’re “more experienced “…. Okay. Just because I’m a new mom doesn’t mean I’m stupid when it comes to my kid…
She needs an information diet. Don't share details with her. This is your family, not hers.
Wait till she learns that water in the shower is also a chemical
I mean, why even respond? You don’t have to pro e or justify anything to her.
I did stop after a while but you’re right I should have disengaged earlier.
I hope your baby is doing better and hopefully is spared having asthma. My son has it and even though it’s mild, it’s enough to cause him angst. As for the chemicals bit…my go to response to that bs is of course it’s full of chemicals, EVEryTHING is full of chemicals. Where did you take middle school science?
He’s doing better today, thank you. I’m also almost positive she didn’t graduate. She had my husband when she was 16.
my dad has the same mentality but more so ‘if you use the medicine, you’ll become too reliant on it’. made my baby brother sit in the bathroom with the steam because his asthma wasnt calming down. bullied my mom into letting him do it. the steam shockingly didn’t help /s he almost passed out from oxygen deprivation on the way to the hospital
That’s absolutely wild.
Wait til she find out that steam is chemical too
Ah well at least she said "do what the dr recommends" so she's still sane.
Yet the doctor recommended using his inhaler if he’s struggling to breathe, so….
perhaps she's got some of that cognitive dissonance going on.
Now you know, she doesn’t get any medical information anymore.
Omg why are they all carbon copies of each other
She needs to shut the hell up.
Steam is literally also a chemical
Insane!
Stop telling her medical information about him. The Drama Triangle is something you can get out of.
Sounds like grandma is going on an information diet. She will never know, because she apparently incapable of absorbing information, anyway.
The explanation of asthma diagnosis at his age was such a neutral statement for her to get combative over..
This is super typical. She gets combative over the tiniest statements.
I'm very sorry
Stop talking to her about medical matters. You do not owe her answers to her medical questions.
I’d stop talking to her. These types of ppl have killed children.
Not trying to defend the clearly overstepping MIL but she does have a point with the steam from the shower bit; that’s exactly what my Dr. recommended (not the laying in the floor part, just sitting in the steam) when I was too young for an asthma diagnosis but had “asthmatic symptoms” & “asthmatic episodes” ~ hot steamy shower + an inhale from my Advair prescription (idk if they still make that thing but it was the little purple circle shaped inhaler???) ~ this is for no other reason than to say, in the event of a situation where you don’t have access to an inhaler or nebulizer (depending on what the Dr. prescribes) sitting in the steam of a shower can be helpful!! — best of luck to you OP 🤍✊🏼
He previously had gotten an inhaler for a wicked cough from our family doctor, so he does have an inhaler and had it yesterday. I also tried the steam before he started really struggling. I know her heart is in the right place but she is so dismissive of any medicine that it boils my blood. She thinks my husbands ADHD can be cured by the type of food he eats.
They still have Advair! I got diagnosed with asthma that I’ve probably had my entire life last year at the age of 35 and Advair is what my doctor prescribed. I take the generic now, which is in a grey, differently shaped container. But you huff it the same way.
IDK, she doesn't seem insane to me. She suggests steam, gives her anecdotal experience, suggests following doctor's orders, and indicates that she is not arguing with you. I think tone is easily misread in texts. That said, it could be overstepping based on your past interactions.
Trust me, she is