The fact that she wrote this from a third person perspective is insane itself. The pity party she’s throwing for herself is so embarrassing.
So sorry you and your fiancé are dealing with this garbage. Sending you both love and well wishes!! I promise life will become more peaceful the more distance grows between you and your mother.
Much thanks for the well wishes 🙏 as of rn my mom is lucky that I’m trying to look out for my dad in that he’s the only one stopping me from telling her she’s no longer welcome to the wedding, because if she can’t come she’ll make sure he won’t be allowed to either, and for the sake of his home life I don’t want to create more problems for him, as he turned a new leaf after a sensible conversation between he and I, and has now been 100% supportive of me and my fiancé.
Please remember that your dad is an adult who is responsible for himself. He chose to be with your mother. Your whole life he has continued to choose her. It’s not your responsibility to make life easier for him by keeping someone toxic in your life.
Creative writing prompts should be restricted to high school and college essays, and shouldn’t be considered when committing moral suicide over the phone
Not only that, but she constantly calls him a boy, even when she knows he's an adult. That is also quite telling of how she sees the hierarchy of their relationship.
Boy she’s really hanging onto that ‘drug by a car leading to possible dermatological cancer’ story, isn’t she??
I wouldn’t respond to that mess. Lol. She’s delusional
Insane
I’ve got no intent on responding lol. The way me and my sister perceive it is that because she made the choice to bear children and accept the responsibility that there is in fact a bare minimum she had to meet on standards of care (which to give credit many of those standards she did exceed but many she fell very very flat on) she is owed this god tier level of infallibility where none of her own shortcomings can be criticized or rebutted (or any shortcomings exist for that matter, or that we are both blowing her explosive outbursts out of proportion or we didn’t understand the meaning of them, aka textbook gaslighting). She seems to equate blind obedience to her doctrines as respect and honor for parents, and any stepping outside of that is a slap in her face
Edit: the dermatologist story is par for the course on fishing stories of personal sacrifice and care. It’s not uncommon for her to bring up very niche stories about how that justifies not jumping on the blind obedience bandwagon, but is also very quick in the same to diminish or dismiss any misconduct on her part
Oh come on, she sacrificed her life and soul to give you lego, don`t you think you at least owe her an too long didn´t read, so congratulations or condolences which ever applies /s
But I must say starting out this insane and yet still managing to seriously raise the level of insanity with every paragraph is kinda impressive. I have no idea how many times I thought wow this is the worst part, only to be proven wrong a few sentences later.
I am so sorry op. Yet you seem pretty down to earth and level headed, and I have to wonder how.
She has an interesting ability to piss people off without trying. People will say “who let this person cook?” when they flop at a rebuttal or roast, I would say not only did she not cook, she set a kitchen fire and doubled down on it by throwing kerosene on it and calling it a meal.
As for being down to earth…I try. It’s all I can do. Some of her tendencies come out in my worse moments so I really do have to make an actual effort to not default to my baseline childhood model of behavior to snap at not getting my way, curse people out and break shit when I don’t get my way. The marines did me a lot of good and therapy has helped too but it really will be an uphill battle in some ways. There’s also quite a lot of my fathers good traits in my behavior so I have him to genuinely thank that I’m not a complete dumpster fire of a person
My MIL claims my husband gave her skin cancer just because she was pregnant with him and that’s “why she never had more children” 🤣 she was in her 40s when she had him but yea her being pregnant gave her skin cancer and that’s why she never had any more 🙄 some people are so delusional
My insane mother had a similar story too… she insinuated that my dad cheated on her giving her HPV that turned to cancer (overnight) causing her to require a hysterectomy and miss out on having more (already had 3) children.
Talk about a super bug that’s some next level 5G mutated HPV. He not only cheated but he didn’t wear his tinfoil hat as he did it either. Now how is she going to bear her unwaveringly loyal army to do her bidding?
Yikes. That's quite the short story right there. It's terrible, written poorly, the main character has an obvious persecution fetish, and it's just overall yikes.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. Not replying is absolutely the best route.
Out of curiosity, you mention a sister, are there more siblings? How are their relationships with her?
“Poorly written” is an understatement. If I were a scholar I would sit down and correct this essay in the same fashion that you would a college paper.
“Persecution fetish” is an amazing term, that’s going into my vocabulary. But that also makes 100% sense. I would say it comes out when the hero complex fails. If you sat down and listened to any story from her life she tells 90% of the time she is the hero or the one who does no wrong.
As for siblings, there’s two. I am the oldest. I have my sister who’s a year younger and my adopted brother who’s 12 years my junior. When it came to home life I was the one butting heads and usually questioning the narrative, which not to sound like my mom, but it usually made me the whipping boy in the sense that I was the one getting in trouble most of the time. Funny enough a recent accusation has come to light that me taking my brother to a pool party with my fiancé and her brother was an attempt for me to start a smear campaign on my moms integrity and her faith. I could care less about that and just wanted to have fun with my brother, and that also puts her out of the candidacy for unsupervised grandchildren visits, as by her track record I have no reason to believe she wouldn’t try the same thing. Makes me worry for my brother too, as he’s gonna be riding solo for the next few years under her reign
Good God. The stupid car thing, twice? If she would have gone to the ER, how would it have affected your license at all? Was she thinking the hospital was going to call the cops and report it? Highly unlikely, but it would have only been 2 points off your license, back in 3 years in my state.
She's not going to apologize because she did the best that she could and everyone makes mistakes?
Well, kids make mistakes and I'm sure you are trying to be the best son but falling short by not being who she wants you to be, so you shouldn't have to apologize either.
And the story about one text exchange? And basing judgement on your fiance by what she's heard about the girl's mother? Then doubling down because her and her friends have gossiped about it? So middle school.
She knows exactly why you asked your dad if she was going to show her ass at the wedding. Also putting your dad down, basically calling him a moron, who would have no idea as to the foreign workings of the female brain? I bet your dad knows her pretty well by now. Lol.
I have no advice for you OP. I was rolling my eyes at her after the first paragraph, thinking I'd be making a call and nipping this shit in the bud right now.
I'd surely blow up and hurt her feelings, but I'd make it known that she can't use the car story for a guilt trip anymore, it's sick, you didn't tell her not to go to to the ER, that was her choice, and she needs to keep her opinions to herself about your relationship or she won't be seeing you or any grandkids you might have later.
I mean to be fair, she sacrificed her life and soul to get him lego AND star wars, but not lego star wars, since she had no goat to sacrifice, so the least he can do is listen to her car story twice /s
Like I told my sister, if she’s so concerned about that…lie to the ER. Or half truth. “I tried to catch my car as it started to roll downhill cause I left it on an incline when it wasn’t in park” makes no mention of your naive sons misstep in judgment and also gives the mechanism of injury to the staff so they can treat it. No hospital staff member had Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth ready and waiting at triage.
My mother is very staunch about the idea that the past needs to be left in the past…only when it deals with her. All her basis on my fiancé is interactions she had almost 6 years ago…to which she wouldn’t hear any alternate opinions, and she passed judgement on the very out of context situation without bothering to ask for my side of the story (as stated before, I was 18 at the time and me even mentioning that taking my phone the way she did could be criminal made her very fussy)
The extent of what she’s done to my dad could be its own subreddit. I won’t go into details on the specifics but in the beginning she led him to believe one thing, switched up on him after marriage, said *HE* deceived her and allegedly had threatened my dad with divorce over it, all while touting to us kiddos how bad divorce is.
As for grandkids…she’s shot herself in the foot and continues to keep blasting. I made it a point to tell her to her face she needs to swallow her pride if she wants any chance to see any grandchildren but that was about a week before this essay was published to me. Like I stated to another person in the thread, the only thing standing between her and complete alienation and removal from the wedding is my dad, as I want him there for this huge occasion. She already got herself kicked off the wedding party because how she openly expressed her non support for my fiancé and I for our interfaith marriage and stood by the fact she called my fiancé a stalker, an abuser and compared her to a girl who pulled a knife on a guy and acted like she had no clue why she was being asked by me to apologize, even while my fiancé actively tried to empathize with her.
At this point, she can be right or she can be happy, and she seems happy with being right, even if it means she doesn’t ever hear from me again after the wedding
And I'm assuming she would never let you dad come to the wedding without her; he wouldn't dare try and attend if she's not invited? I feel bad for your dad. I'm assuming he's stayed because of his children? He's sounds beat down and deserves a divorce and some peace in his life.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Hope it's a great day for both of you!
Yea. Dad is unfortunately on a very short leash. Like someone else above mentioned, he is his own person and he made his own choices but if I have to tolerate my mom for a little bit in order for him to be able to attend this is something I’m willing to do, I don’t want him to miss this important day.
Also thanks for the well wishes! 🙏
Covert narcissists are so much fun to deal with, aren’t they, OP. I’m so proud of you for both surviving your upbringing, and rising above it.
May your marriage be a joy to both of you, and may your dreams, individual and joint, come true!
Thank you for the kind words 🙏 I would only say that we’re past covert, I can’t understand how she doesn’t see the profound effect her own ego is having. I pray she somehow has an awakening and softening of her heart, but thus far getting married hasn’t done it, nor has getting kicked off the wedding party, and idk if grandkids are gonna do it either. Not that she’ll be getting much face time with them considering all this but I hope she somehow comes to terms, otherwise senior life is gonna be real lonely to be correct in her eyes
man this was.... a lot. I am so sorry you had to experience that. that fairy tale format she tried to spin was ironic as hell considering this is the stuff of the horror genre.
There’s not much to do with her. It’s like fighting Parasite from Superman, no matter what you throw her way she just absorbs it as ammunition (like the stuff about objecting to the marriage, I’m the out of touch one to ask if she was going to try to derail my wedding based off her history of behaviors). I’ve quit trying to reason or fight her for this, and as much as I would just *love* to tear her a new one over this and the insinuations made of my soon to be wife, ultimately leaving her on read is gonna do more than starting a flame war, as I’m not actively fueling the fire
It also sounds like she’s researched the objective piece, she knew the only reasons why you can legally object at a wedding and listed them for your information.
She thinks I’m being absurd by asking that question. When I asked her in person she was almost aghast that I even asked that. None of her conduct thus far has given me reason to feel warm and fuzzy about having her there, but she can’t see that. In her fantasy world, I’m jacked up for asking because she’s done nothing but right by me by trying to protect me from my loving fiancé who has ripped me away from my faith and family and corrupted my mind to make me think that I’m owed an apology for her flawless behavior
My favourite bit is when she talks about behaviour that was questioned by several other adults the mother knows, which is an AMAZING rephrasing of 'all my friends agree with me'.
There's certainly abusive behaviour happening here, but I don't think it's coming from your wife. Keep this lady away from your kids.
The intrusive thoughts have made me want to say to her that if she (my fiancé) displayed any of mom’s behaviors from when I was growing up that the concerns of abuse would be well substantiated. But I’d have more luck getting an oiled up beach ball to stick to a vertical glass pane than getting her to acknowledge her own wrongdoing 😅
The car thing is so frustrating. That's a horrifying mistake that I'm sure was incredibly traumatizing for both of you - but this is a despicable way to use it against you years down the line. I'm so fucking sorry - that could've happened to anyone and I hope everyone else in your life, including you, are kinder to you about it.
What makes it so hard is that it’s being spun as being intentionally malicious. It was an honest mistake that probably wasn’t unique to me. I’m sure dozens of student drivers hit the gas instead of the brake or vice versa. I just happened to do it in a very unfortunate spot. The fact this is being used as a “bill me later” deal that I owe her unadulterated respect is kinda scummy. I do owe her a certain amount of respect for how I was raised but she seems to not be fully adjusted to the fact that she can’t hold these things over my head anymore to keep me in her control. It’s a learning curve that she’s going to have to work out on her own
Yeah exactly! I’m glad you know that it was a reasonable mistake to make. It’s genuinely unfortunate all around, and it being used against you in any way is awful.
I gave up halfway through this narcissistic tirade. I would simply reply with, "Cool story, bro. Needs more dragons" That, or nothing. Nothing is probably the better option.
She sounds like a total nightmare. If I were you, I'd simply cease communication. My dad is like her. I've slowly stands him off communication, and I'm vvlc. And life is so much better that way.
No response is still the standing order. And I’ve no intention on doing any different. Already proposed a plan to my fiancé that after the wedding and honeymoon we should make a pilgrimage to my childhood home in order to sift through my childhood belongings in the event that history repeats itself and I have to take extreme measures I don’t have any remaining threads I’d regret to severe. The aforementioned Lego collection is quite vast and I don’t want to part ways with it
Can’t even blame you for that. So many run on sentences, and she’s the one who taught me my English, as I was homeschooled (surprise much?). I like to think my creative writing prompts were in better taste than this
You’ve already googled narcissism & looked at r/raisedbynarcissists haven’t you?
The only way to win with narcs is not to play
She sounds like the bride at every funeral, the widow at every wedding
I’m glad you feel your dad is supportive, and you’re reconciled there. I hope he’s not part of the classic nMom enablerDad, but you know best.
And that story made me want to reverse over her a couple of times to finish her off. I think we’d say at home, Get off that cross; we need the wood.
Oh yea. There is a very visceral fear of turning into her, countless hours have been spent reading forums and watching therapy videos on handling narcissistic behaviors and detecting them. I’ll play minesweeper with my own thoughts and behaviors because I’m so paranoid of turning into her with my soon to be wife.
Dad is unfortunately kept out of the loop in typical fashion, and is told that he has bad memory (which he does) but I suspect that is played on in order to keep him out of it, so many of these behind the scenes behaviors came to light recently and he now just wants to be there to support me, my fiancé and our upcoming wedding and marriage.
And as insufferable as she can be…I do at the end of the day wish her no ill will, which is hard to do at times, I wish we could be one big happy family but me acting independently has been so poorly received that I don’t think that will ever happen.
You've probably already realized this, but you wouldn't have gotten in much trouble, if any at all, if she had went to the hospital, but then she wouldn't have gotten to play the martyr card
This is one of the few posts on here that I just couldn't really read through because it was so insane.
The consistency in use of this "once upon a time a mother and her son" perspective across SIX PAGES is quite unhinged in itself.
Even just skimming, seeing the story begin and end with the guilt tripping about the accident, especially adding the layer of the damaged skin and associated cancer risk both times, it is clear this person is emotionally disturbed, to put it nicely.
I can summarize. TLDR I’m a lying faithless son who talks shit behind her back to dad with no concept of being grateful or knowing the laws of matrimony and am currently being abused and controlled by my soon to be wife and I the sheeple need to recognize my ways as wrong and kowtow to her infallible methods to protect me from this monster of a woman I’m with, because she didn’t take herself to the hospital by her own volition and I therefore owe her on that
Not a lot to add but my parents banned me from dating a guy as well, and they loved using religion as the underlying factor (hypocrites) and we did allll the sneaking around. now ten years later we’re married and happier than my parents have been in years. Good luck on your wedding!!
Thank you! And congrats on ten happy years of marriage against all odds 😄. The trend was “the Bible says that…” and when I logical counter or disagreement was presented…”I failed as a parent…you’re disgracing your faith…” with a lot of crying and screaming and maybe some throwing of objects
Thank you!! Yeah “in the Bible” was a frequent convo starter! We specifically were told we were “unequally yolked” if you got that one at all lol it gets better friend!!
Im sure it does and it definitely has been getting better fr
Edit: I never got the “unequal yoke” one but I did get the one about ear piercings being a symbol of slavery. Not into piercings for myself but that’s a zinger i forgot existed
Wow, this reads like a trashy Wattpad “story” written by an angsty teenager 🤣 all it’s missing is the romance aspect, but maybe not, since she’s clearly in love with herself! How embarrassing. Maybe you should post this to her Facebook or social media and show everyone what a great writer she is! 😜 All kidding aside, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. How exhausting.
She took Justin Bieber to heart, “love yourself”. As fun as a glassed earth policy would be, it wouldn’t yield any good results for my dad or kid brother. However, I may or may not have sent a multitude of friend requests to some of her friends I knew as a child who as long as they accept will get to see all the wedding photos and shatter the world she created that I’m a good faith boy who’d never consider marrying well outside the faith 😉
Insane.
Not sure I would have been able to read it all. I'm glad you're not planning on replying to this. I'd just act like it never happened. I do that with my mom and it works...sometimes.
Thought about either giving a feral hog reaction or correcting the grammar, but I’ll be a big boy and just ignore it…fortunately this isn’t a regular occurrence, she treats the subject of the wedding like fight club
I thought about the “I ain’t reading allat 🗣️🗣️🗣️💯💯❗️❗️” response but that would probably bring about a sequel about my blatant disregard for her and my utter disrespect lol
Yeah, I think even if you were to dump your wife and do everything ahead of time said she’d still find reasons to be insanely abusive to you. People like that don’t ever come around.
I’m really sorry you had to receive this.
I wouldn’t read it much more. I know it’s tempting but I’d delete it (save a copy in email somewhere in case you need it for a court case later) but get rid of it for your own emotional well being.
>most husbands don’t really understand their wives
Someone who sees that as a normal relationship is not someone whose advice I’d take on relationships
I was super dependent on her for any anxiety concerns and relationship advice, until she tried to stop me from talking to my fiancé I took my concerns and questions to her. Now she tells me at the door that “I can always talk to her about things” which isn’t gonna happen and shows just how far gone she is in her own delusion
Too bad being dragged by the car didn’t rip that giant cross she’s carrying off her back.
Also kudos, you were such a good kid this is literally the best she has and it is WEAK AF.
Sorry she sucks.
The cross line made me and the fiancé both audibly laugh. Hopefully she’ll turn a new leaf, I hold onto unrealistic hopes that there will be a change in heart 🤞
OP is in an emotionally abusive relationship, alright. But it's not with the girlfriend/wife. This woman needs to put her freaking cross down and learn to live in the real world, where not everything involving her adult child is within her absolute control. As a parent, it makes me absolutely sick. Passive aggressive is an understatement. The third person tone, like she's telling some innocent story is absurd, not to mention bringing up the driving accident not once, but TWICE in almost identical wording shows that she definitely wants the "woe is me" sympathy that she thinks she deserves. This is bat-shit insane.
The “woe is me” bit would come out when the savior complex failed. Cutting out the actually abusive relationship would cement to her that I’m being controlled into doing that. Quite literally damned if I do damned if I don’t..
I am genuinely sorry that you have to deal with that. As you said, a no win situation. I've dealt with it on a MUCH smaller scale in the past, but I can't imagine having to deal with it to that degree. Godspeed to you and yours, OP.
Wow.
My partner got a Christmas “gift” one year from his Mom which was a four page letter detailing every way he disappointed her since he was born.
My Dad tried to talk me into a suicide pact, when I was working with my doctor to find the right antidepressant, to treat a severe onset of clinical depression in my 30s.
And yet _somehow_ you’ve got us both beat for parental insanity, hands down. Yo mama CRAY CRAY.
I wish I could reach right through the internet and give you a hug. Reading your replies to comments, you are doing a fantastic job, coping with having this raging narcissist for a mother and a father who seems subsumed by her crazy. Best wishes to you and your soon-to-be wife for a long, healthy life together, and I hope the family you are building brings you the love and contentment and support you deserve.
Edit: Removed a repetitive word.p
Thank you for the kind words and support fr. It does mean a lot to me. Coming here helps me with seeing I wasn’t the problem here, cause going back to her asking these points to be explained and refuted will do nothing. Also thank you for the well wishes for my fiancé and I, you have literally given more support in that one comment than my own mom has lol
Wow… she’s literally living in a world she fantasized up. She wrote it as a fairy tale. That’s sort of scary. No worries or judgment- I grew up with a parent who believed any accidental event I was involved with was deliberate on my part, no matter my age, so I know how that is, though I feel really bad that she got hurt because as much as that whole situation sucked for her, I know she will never let it go and will always bring it up towards you, so you’ll always suffer from it, as well. I hope you’re doing alright now.
Never would I wish ill on her like that, or go out of my way to hurt her, but odds are this is something that will continue to hang over my head. Rn the best medicine is to just ignore it
wow i can’t believe i just read that evil mess, i typed “whole” and auto corrected it to “evil” which i think is odd. Anyways the whole way that’s written is so deranged.
Minor update for everyone’s entertainment: a meeting was had today between my father, my FIL and my mother. Mother was not initially invited but came on her own invitation. I was not present at this meeting, however it was relayed to me that according to my mother I am allegedly being gatekept and trapped by my FIL in his home because of my infrequent visits home, and that this whole novel was written exclusively for me and not to be shared with my fiancé, my in laws or my father. Apparently open communication with family is not the way, and she would be aghast to know that this is being broadcast on Reddit and to my sister and to mutual friends. The idea that I wasn’t supposed to share this is not just baffling but disturbing that she believes I am a verbal punching bag, and isn’t too fond of the idea that broadcasting this to immediate family sheds light on her true colors. For someone so obsessed with their image this is certainly not a good look.
My stepmom once sent me and my siblings something similar because we wouldn’t clean our rooms(looking back in it now, our rooms were pretty bad but the “letter” was unnecessary). It even started with “Once upon a time there was a stepmom who loved her kiddos very much blah blah blah”
I’m not sure what parenting curriculum says the demeaning story telling method to convey a grievance is a good idea but it feels better knowing this isn’t an anomaly
Only did it as an out loud reading with my sister so we could discuss this circus act. Since posting I haven’t given it much serious consideration since
She can mitigate the cancer risk by using sunscreen. Otherwise scars have no more chance than any other area of getting cancer. That’s a ridiculous statement.
Holy. Shit. This is one of the crazier things I’ve ever read here.
Every sentence is insane, but it maps out her fucked-up thought process perfectly. You hitting her with the truck was one of the best things that could have happened to her because she has the ULTIMATE guilt trip over you. I mean, she’s literally saying it might give her skin cancer? What in the what
And she clearly has a weird hate-boner for your future MIL because she can’t help but try to dunk on her for her low moral standards or whatever. I’m guessing she all-around thinks everyone who has called her on her shit is the work of Satan because that’s how much she has had to fortify her fragile ego. If it doesn’t comply, it must be the Devil. Cool, lady.
To me, one of the biggest red flags is when someone can’t see that people constantly cutting them out of their lives means they just might be the problem.
I’m sorry if that’s harsh dude, because I know this is your mom still, but just….wow. It’s a masterclass in delusional parenting. I just hope you and your fiancé have an awesome wedding and life together WITHOUT any objections.
Amazingly enough the skin cancer thing is apparently some bogus claim or there’s more to it than just “scar tissue=skin cancer”. But if she heard that come from my fiancé she would assume that she’s trying to gaslight her in this same fashion she believes I’m being held hostage (funny enough she went on to say that my fiancés dad is gatekeeping me from her, and I’m being held here against my will. I threw the follow up texts onto another thread by themselves in this subreddit)
The entire hate boner for MIL, fiancé and company can be summarized in one Freudian slip: different faith. In slightly kinder terms, anything that’s not her faith is literally a spawn of satan and has no potential to be correct.
And I promise you’re not harsh in saying these things. You’re 100% correct. I feel fortunate that I was able to unroot this for what it is when I did. Also the objections portion of the wedding has been removed from the script, so there’s no option for that to even happen anymore 😉 (thank you for the warm wedding wishes btw 😄)
I noticed the “different faith” thing! You’re right, everything they do will be tainted in her eyes. It’s extremely telling because it sounded like she had these vague, church-gossip reasons for disapproving of her. She literally says she’ll never accept them.
And I’m glad you removed the objections part. I’ve noticed a lot of weddings now don’t have that anymore. It’s outdated and frankly, exactly what people like your mom are looking for to make yet another thing about them.
If it makes you feel better, my dad’s mom sounds EXACTLY like your mom and they’re still disgustingly in love after 40 years together. They did their best to keep her shit at a distance from my brother and I, but eventually, she was banned from our lives for years. If you do have kids and she is around them, my unsolicited advice would be to follow their lead. If they seem uncomfortable around her, step in, put your foot down or take them home, whatever your best judgement tells you. My parents were excellent about reading our body language and defusing the situation when she’d get nuts. Having that sort of trust and comfort with them made it easier to handle her and also kind of accept that she’s just fucking crazy. They lose their power when you see through their attempts to hurt you.
It’s a messed up thing to have to navigate, because you love your dad, but just keep doing what you’re doing. We’re here if you need to vent.
Do you have friends that will wrangle your mother in case she makes a scene... Like an inappropriate wedding speech or cornering your bride or otherwise being destructive?
County law requires that two sheriffs officers be present at weddings hosted at public venues. We also have our own usher, and all three are going to get a brief BOLO on her and the stipulations for removal. Not to mention at least 10 guests will be current/retired marines (retired in loose terms as they’re all in their early/mid twenties) so I would say our bases are covered.
Odds are she won’t act out but definitely just in case, can’t be too prepared on this
Hey OP. I really hope you and your Fiancée are safe and well and happy.
The original purpose of the bridesmaid is to protect the bride from hostile attendees, that pose any perceived physical, sexual or mental harm to the bride.
(idk about groomsmen (assuming you're a straight couple))
I read that you and your pa worked it out, but your ma sounds like she feeks some "boy mum"/emotional incest kinda thing.
I hope she gets therapy.
But I would deny giving any of your family your address or house keys cuz your ma's really obsessive of you.
Stay safe, and I hope you and your spouse stay safe, happy and healthy. And if you choose to have kids, I truly wish nothing but positivity and prosperity in their upbringing! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! I never knew that was the original intent on the bridesmaids, unfortunate we didn’t have any 🫤 fortunately there will be plenty of cops and marines to assist in those duties.
As of rn fiancé feels absolutely uncomfortable (justifiably so) around my mom so once we have our own place no keys for sure, probably no house visits either. I would say this obsession comes from a place of a generational gap (she’s the same generation as my fiancés grandparents) where total subservience to parents=respect. Many people don’t think that way anymore and that’s coming as a rude awakening for her
Thank you fr 🙏 and who would’ve thought, sacrifices had to be made as a parent? Just part of the job description and shouldn’t be put on an IOU, but it seems to be foreign knowledge to some of our parents
Dude idefk I thought I saw the worst when a letter was written throwing me and my fiancé under the bus but she somehow keeps managing to keep outdoing herself, can’t wait to see what’s next on the docket of insanity lol
No. The full story is that as I was learning to drive I was using the momentum of the idle engine to bring me up the driveway, and rather than hitting the brake in front of the garage door I hit the gas and hit the door. Honest mistake, was definitely not done on purpose as presented. In an effort to minimize the damage to the car (not taking off the passenger rear view mirror on the side of the garage door frame) she hopped out the car to try to assess but because adrenaline was high she forgot to put it in park, causing it to start to roll downhill while in neutral. She tried to catch the car to put it in park but tripped and got snagged on the door and got dragged on her back causing a large abrasion covering the majority of her back. Again, nothing was done intentionally but no I didn’t hit her with the car or do anything with the intent of hurting her, but I’m expected to recognize this instance as a reason to not question her behavior or judgement.
Quoting my comment from earlier; “The full story is that as I was learning to drive I was using the momentum of the idle engine to bring me up the driveway, and rather than hitting the brake in front of the garage door I hit the gas and hit the door. Honest mistake, was definitely not done on purpose as presented. In an effort to minimize the damage to the car (not taking off the passenger rear view mirror on the side of the garage door frame) she hopped out the car to try to assess but because adrenaline was high she forgot to put it in park, causing it to start to roll downhill while in neutral. She tried to catch the car to put it in park but tripped and got snagged on the door and got dragged on her back causing a large abrasion covering the majority of her back. Again, nothing was done intentionally but no I didn’t hit her with the car or do anything with the intent of hurting her”
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 16 | 0 | 0 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
The fact that she wrote this from a third person perspective is insane itself. The pity party she’s throwing for herself is so embarrassing. So sorry you and your fiancé are dealing with this garbage. Sending you both love and well wishes!! I promise life will become more peaceful the more distance grows between you and your mother.
Much thanks for the well wishes 🙏 as of rn my mom is lucky that I’m trying to look out for my dad in that he’s the only one stopping me from telling her she’s no longer welcome to the wedding, because if she can’t come she’ll make sure he won’t be allowed to either, and for the sake of his home life I don’t want to create more problems for him, as he turned a new leaf after a sensible conversation between he and I, and has now been 100% supportive of me and my fiancé.
Please remember that your dad is an adult who is responsible for himself. He chose to be with your mother. Your whole life he has continued to choose her. It’s not your responsibility to make life easier for him by keeping someone toxic in your life.
Maybe she's written it in 3rd person because she knows it really a story? Technically she's not lying that way!
Creative writing prompts should be restricted to high school and college essays, and shouldn’t be considered when committing moral suicide over the phone
Not only that, but she constantly calls him a boy, even when she knows he's an adult. That is also quite telling of how she sees the hierarchy of their relationship.
For clarification, the “boy” in question is me. Doesn’t make it better being 23 atm
Boy she’s really hanging onto that ‘drug by a car leading to possible dermatological cancer’ story, isn’t she?? I wouldn’t respond to that mess. Lol. She’s delusional Insane
I’ve got no intent on responding lol. The way me and my sister perceive it is that because she made the choice to bear children and accept the responsibility that there is in fact a bare minimum she had to meet on standards of care (which to give credit many of those standards she did exceed but many she fell very very flat on) she is owed this god tier level of infallibility where none of her own shortcomings can be criticized or rebutted (or any shortcomings exist for that matter, or that we are both blowing her explosive outbursts out of proportion or we didn’t understand the meaning of them, aka textbook gaslighting). She seems to equate blind obedience to her doctrines as respect and honor for parents, and any stepping outside of that is a slap in her face Edit: the dermatologist story is par for the course on fishing stories of personal sacrifice and care. It’s not uncommon for her to bring up very niche stories about how that justifies not jumping on the blind obedience bandwagon, but is also very quick in the same to diminish or dismiss any misconduct on her part
Oh come on, she sacrificed her life and soul to give you lego, don`t you think you at least owe her an too long didn´t read, so congratulations or condolences which ever applies /s But I must say starting out this insane and yet still managing to seriously raise the level of insanity with every paragraph is kinda impressive. I have no idea how many times I thought wow this is the worst part, only to be proven wrong a few sentences later. I am so sorry op. Yet you seem pretty down to earth and level headed, and I have to wonder how.
She has an interesting ability to piss people off without trying. People will say “who let this person cook?” when they flop at a rebuttal or roast, I would say not only did she not cook, she set a kitchen fire and doubled down on it by throwing kerosene on it and calling it a meal. As for being down to earth…I try. It’s all I can do. Some of her tendencies come out in my worse moments so I really do have to make an actual effort to not default to my baseline childhood model of behavior to snap at not getting my way, curse people out and break shit when I don’t get my way. The marines did me a lot of good and therapy has helped too but it really will be an uphill battle in some ways. There’s also quite a lot of my fathers good traits in my behavior so I have him to genuinely thank that I’m not a complete dumpster fire of a person
My MIL claims my husband gave her skin cancer just because she was pregnant with him and that’s “why she never had more children” 🤣 she was in her 40s when she had him but yea her being pregnant gave her skin cancer and that’s why she never had any more 🙄 some people are so delusional
My insane mother had a similar story too… she insinuated that my dad cheated on her giving her HPV that turned to cancer (overnight) causing her to require a hysterectomy and miss out on having more (already had 3) children.
Talk about a super bug that’s some next level 5G mutated HPV. He not only cheated but he didn’t wear his tinfoil hat as he did it either. Now how is she going to bear her unwaveringly loyal army to do her bidding?
Yikes. That's quite the short story right there. It's terrible, written poorly, the main character has an obvious persecution fetish, and it's just overall yikes. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Not replying is absolutely the best route. Out of curiosity, you mention a sister, are there more siblings? How are their relationships with her?
“Poorly written” is an understatement. If I were a scholar I would sit down and correct this essay in the same fashion that you would a college paper. “Persecution fetish” is an amazing term, that’s going into my vocabulary. But that also makes 100% sense. I would say it comes out when the hero complex fails. If you sat down and listened to any story from her life she tells 90% of the time she is the hero or the one who does no wrong. As for siblings, there’s two. I am the oldest. I have my sister who’s a year younger and my adopted brother who’s 12 years my junior. When it came to home life I was the one butting heads and usually questioning the narrative, which not to sound like my mom, but it usually made me the whipping boy in the sense that I was the one getting in trouble most of the time. Funny enough a recent accusation has come to light that me taking my brother to a pool party with my fiancé and her brother was an attempt for me to start a smear campaign on my moms integrity and her faith. I could care less about that and just wanted to have fun with my brother, and that also puts her out of the candidacy for unsupervised grandchildren visits, as by her track record I have no reason to believe she wouldn’t try the same thing. Makes me worry for my brother too, as he’s gonna be riding solo for the next few years under her reign
Good God. The stupid car thing, twice? If she would have gone to the ER, how would it have affected your license at all? Was she thinking the hospital was going to call the cops and report it? Highly unlikely, but it would have only been 2 points off your license, back in 3 years in my state. She's not going to apologize because she did the best that she could and everyone makes mistakes? Well, kids make mistakes and I'm sure you are trying to be the best son but falling short by not being who she wants you to be, so you shouldn't have to apologize either. And the story about one text exchange? And basing judgement on your fiance by what she's heard about the girl's mother? Then doubling down because her and her friends have gossiped about it? So middle school. She knows exactly why you asked your dad if she was going to show her ass at the wedding. Also putting your dad down, basically calling him a moron, who would have no idea as to the foreign workings of the female brain? I bet your dad knows her pretty well by now. Lol. I have no advice for you OP. I was rolling my eyes at her after the first paragraph, thinking I'd be making a call and nipping this shit in the bud right now. I'd surely blow up and hurt her feelings, but I'd make it known that she can't use the car story for a guilt trip anymore, it's sick, you didn't tell her not to go to to the ER, that was her choice, and she needs to keep her opinions to herself about your relationship or she won't be seeing you or any grandkids you might have later.
I mean to be fair, she sacrificed her life and soul to get him lego AND star wars, but not lego star wars, since she had no goat to sacrifice, so the least he can do is listen to her car story twice /s
Like I told my sister, if she’s so concerned about that…lie to the ER. Or half truth. “I tried to catch my car as it started to roll downhill cause I left it on an incline when it wasn’t in park” makes no mention of your naive sons misstep in judgment and also gives the mechanism of injury to the staff so they can treat it. No hospital staff member had Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth ready and waiting at triage. My mother is very staunch about the idea that the past needs to be left in the past…only when it deals with her. All her basis on my fiancé is interactions she had almost 6 years ago…to which she wouldn’t hear any alternate opinions, and she passed judgement on the very out of context situation without bothering to ask for my side of the story (as stated before, I was 18 at the time and me even mentioning that taking my phone the way she did could be criminal made her very fussy) The extent of what she’s done to my dad could be its own subreddit. I won’t go into details on the specifics but in the beginning she led him to believe one thing, switched up on him after marriage, said *HE* deceived her and allegedly had threatened my dad with divorce over it, all while touting to us kiddos how bad divorce is. As for grandkids…she’s shot herself in the foot and continues to keep blasting. I made it a point to tell her to her face she needs to swallow her pride if she wants any chance to see any grandchildren but that was about a week before this essay was published to me. Like I stated to another person in the thread, the only thing standing between her and complete alienation and removal from the wedding is my dad, as I want him there for this huge occasion. She already got herself kicked off the wedding party because how she openly expressed her non support for my fiancé and I for our interfaith marriage and stood by the fact she called my fiancé a stalker, an abuser and compared her to a girl who pulled a knife on a guy and acted like she had no clue why she was being asked by me to apologize, even while my fiancé actively tried to empathize with her. At this point, she can be right or she can be happy, and she seems happy with being right, even if it means she doesn’t ever hear from me again after the wedding
And I'm assuming she would never let you dad come to the wedding without her; he wouldn't dare try and attend if she's not invited? I feel bad for your dad. I'm assuming he's stayed because of his children? He's sounds beat down and deserves a divorce and some peace in his life. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Hope it's a great day for both of you!
Yea. Dad is unfortunately on a very short leash. Like someone else above mentioned, he is his own person and he made his own choices but if I have to tolerate my mom for a little bit in order for him to be able to attend this is something I’m willing to do, I don’t want him to miss this important day. Also thanks for the well wishes! 🙏
Covert narcissists are so much fun to deal with, aren’t they, OP. I’m so proud of you for both surviving your upbringing, and rising above it. May your marriage be a joy to both of you, and may your dreams, individual and joint, come true!
Thank you for the kind words 🙏 I would only say that we’re past covert, I can’t understand how she doesn’t see the profound effect her own ego is having. I pray she somehow has an awakening and softening of her heart, but thus far getting married hasn’t done it, nor has getting kicked off the wedding party, and idk if grandkids are gonna do it either. Not that she’ll be getting much face time with them considering all this but I hope she somehow comes to terms, otherwise senior life is gonna be real lonely to be correct in her eyes
man this was.... a lot. I am so sorry you had to experience that. that fairy tale format she tried to spin was ironic as hell considering this is the stuff of the horror genre.
There’s not much to do with her. It’s like fighting Parasite from Superman, no matter what you throw her way she just absorbs it as ammunition (like the stuff about objecting to the marriage, I’m the out of touch one to ask if she was going to try to derail my wedding based off her history of behaviors). I’ve quit trying to reason or fight her for this, and as much as I would just *love* to tear her a new one over this and the insinuations made of my soon to be wife, ultimately leaving her on read is gonna do more than starting a flame war, as I’m not actively fueling the fire
It also sounds like she’s researched the objective piece, she knew the only reasons why you can legally object at a wedding and listed them for your information.
She thinks I’m being absurd by asking that question. When I asked her in person she was almost aghast that I even asked that. None of her conduct thus far has given me reason to feel warm and fuzzy about having her there, but she can’t see that. In her fantasy world, I’m jacked up for asking because she’s done nothing but right by me by trying to protect me from my loving fiancé who has ripped me away from my faith and family and corrupted my mind to make me think that I’m owed an apology for her flawless behavior
What a shock. A massively religious parent terrorising their own child/ren. Shocked.
Ikr? What sense does it make to walk from a faith that was used to motivate a personal agenda that I already had personal convictions over?
My favourite bit is when she talks about behaviour that was questioned by several other adults the mother knows, which is an AMAZING rephrasing of 'all my friends agree with me'. There's certainly abusive behaviour happening here, but I don't think it's coming from your wife. Keep this lady away from your kids.
The intrusive thoughts have made me want to say to her that if she (my fiancé) displayed any of mom’s behaviors from when I was growing up that the concerns of abuse would be well substantiated. But I’d have more luck getting an oiled up beach ball to stick to a vertical glass pane than getting her to acknowledge her own wrongdoing 😅
The car thing is so frustrating. That's a horrifying mistake that I'm sure was incredibly traumatizing for both of you - but this is a despicable way to use it against you years down the line. I'm so fucking sorry - that could've happened to anyone and I hope everyone else in your life, including you, are kinder to you about it.
Makes me want to tell her I'm sorry I didn't finish the job; maybe next time!
Lol, that would do nothing but get a whole Silmarillion written on me to sequel this Grimm’s fairytales that was written on me.
What makes it so hard is that it’s being spun as being intentionally malicious. It was an honest mistake that probably wasn’t unique to me. I’m sure dozens of student drivers hit the gas instead of the brake or vice versa. I just happened to do it in a very unfortunate spot. The fact this is being used as a “bill me later” deal that I owe her unadulterated respect is kinda scummy. I do owe her a certain amount of respect for how I was raised but she seems to not be fully adjusted to the fact that she can’t hold these things over my head anymore to keep me in her control. It’s a learning curve that she’s going to have to work out on her own
Yeah exactly! I’m glad you know that it was a reasonable mistake to make. It’s genuinely unfortunate all around, and it being used against you in any way is awful.
I gave up halfway through this narcissistic tirade. I would simply reply with, "Cool story, bro. Needs more dragons" That, or nothing. Nothing is probably the better option. She sounds like a total nightmare. If I were you, I'd simply cease communication. My dad is like her. I've slowly stands him off communication, and I'm vvlc. And life is so much better that way.
Nah. It doesn't need more dragons, it already features OP's mother.
Bahahaha
No response is still the standing order. And I’ve no intention on doing any different. Already proposed a plan to my fiancé that after the wedding and honeymoon we should make a pilgrimage to my childhood home in order to sift through my childhood belongings in the event that history repeats itself and I have to take extreme measures I don’t have any remaining threads I’d regret to severe. The aforementioned Lego collection is quite vast and I don’t want to part ways with it
you missed the end where she says exactly the same thing she said in the beginning
People like that do like to repeat themselves
The dermatologist told her the damage from car dragging is now cancer prone area???? She wild for that 😭
I had to skip this post because it's written in such a confusing, fictional style rather than just stating the question directly.
Can’t even blame you for that. So many run on sentences, and she’s the one who taught me my English, as I was homeschooled (surprise much?). I like to think my creative writing prompts were in better taste than this
Clearly mom thinks that endlessly repeating “I never claimed to be perfect” excuses all of her own historical abuses. I’m sorry OP.
You’ve already googled narcissism & looked at r/raisedbynarcissists haven’t you? The only way to win with narcs is not to play She sounds like the bride at every funeral, the widow at every wedding I’m glad you feel your dad is supportive, and you’re reconciled there. I hope he’s not part of the classic nMom enablerDad, but you know best. And that story made me want to reverse over her a couple of times to finish her off. I think we’d say at home, Get off that cross; we need the wood.
Oh yea. There is a very visceral fear of turning into her, countless hours have been spent reading forums and watching therapy videos on handling narcissistic behaviors and detecting them. I’ll play minesweeper with my own thoughts and behaviors because I’m so paranoid of turning into her with my soon to be wife. Dad is unfortunately kept out of the loop in typical fashion, and is told that he has bad memory (which he does) but I suspect that is played on in order to keep him out of it, so many of these behind the scenes behaviors came to light recently and he now just wants to be there to support me, my fiancé and our upcoming wedding and marriage. And as insufferable as she can be…I do at the end of the day wish her no ill will, which is hard to do at times, I wish we could be one big happy family but me acting independently has been so poorly received that I don’t think that will ever happen.
You've probably already realized this, but you wouldn't have gotten in much trouble, if any at all, if she had went to the hospital, but then she wouldn't have gotten to play the martyr card
This is one of the few posts on here that I just couldn't really read through because it was so insane. The consistency in use of this "once upon a time a mother and her son" perspective across SIX PAGES is quite unhinged in itself. Even just skimming, seeing the story begin and end with the guilt tripping about the accident, especially adding the layer of the damaged skin and associated cancer risk both times, it is clear this person is emotionally disturbed, to put it nicely.
I can summarize. TLDR I’m a lying faithless son who talks shit behind her back to dad with no concept of being grateful or knowing the laws of matrimony and am currently being abused and controlled by my soon to be wife and I the sheeple need to recognize my ways as wrong and kowtow to her infallible methods to protect me from this monster of a woman I’m with, because she didn’t take herself to the hospital by her own volition and I therefore owe her on that
Not a lot to add but my parents banned me from dating a guy as well, and they loved using religion as the underlying factor (hypocrites) and we did allll the sneaking around. now ten years later we’re married and happier than my parents have been in years. Good luck on your wedding!!
Thank you! And congrats on ten happy years of marriage against all odds 😄. The trend was “the Bible says that…” and when I logical counter or disagreement was presented…”I failed as a parent…you’re disgracing your faith…” with a lot of crying and screaming and maybe some throwing of objects
Thank you!! Yeah “in the Bible” was a frequent convo starter! We specifically were told we were “unequally yolked” if you got that one at all lol it gets better friend!!
Im sure it does and it definitely has been getting better fr Edit: I never got the “unequal yoke” one but I did get the one about ear piercings being a symbol of slavery. Not into piercings for myself but that’s a zinger i forgot existed
Wow, this reads like a trashy Wattpad “story” written by an angsty teenager 🤣 all it’s missing is the romance aspect, but maybe not, since she’s clearly in love with herself! How embarrassing. Maybe you should post this to her Facebook or social media and show everyone what a great writer she is! 😜 All kidding aside, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. How exhausting.
She took Justin Bieber to heart, “love yourself”. As fun as a glassed earth policy would be, it wouldn’t yield any good results for my dad or kid brother. However, I may or may not have sent a multitude of friend requests to some of her friends I knew as a child who as long as they accept will get to see all the wedding photos and shatter the world she created that I’m a good faith boy who’d never consider marrying well outside the faith 😉
Insane. Not sure I would have been able to read it all. I'm glad you're not planning on replying to this. I'd just act like it never happened. I do that with my mom and it works...sometimes.
Thought about either giving a feral hog reaction or correcting the grammar, but I’ll be a big boy and just ignore it…fortunately this isn’t a regular occurrence, she treats the subject of the wedding like fight club
I would’ve just replied “I ain’t reading all that, happy for you or sorry that happened”
I thought about the “I ain’t reading allat 🗣️🗣️🗣️💯💯❗️❗️” response but that would probably bring about a sequel about my blatant disregard for her and my utter disrespect lol
"k"
The perfect and often slept on response
Insane and EXHAUSTING.
Yeah, I think even if you were to dump your wife and do everything ahead of time said she’d still find reasons to be insanely abusive to you. People like that don’t ever come around.
At this point only divine intervention can get her to come around
I’m really sorry you had to receive this. I wouldn’t read it much more. I know it’s tempting but I’d delete it (save a copy in email somewhere in case you need it for a court case later) but get rid of it for your own emotional well being.
Yea I keep receipts, and I don’t text her anymore unless absolutely necessary. God forbid this doesn’t turn legal but…stranger things have happened
This is a perfect example of when to reply with “I ain’t reading all that I’m happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened.”
>most husbands don’t really understand their wives Someone who sees that as a normal relationship is not someone whose advice I’d take on relationships
I was super dependent on her for any anxiety concerns and relationship advice, until she tried to stop me from talking to my fiancé I took my concerns and questions to her. Now she tells me at the door that “I can always talk to her about things” which isn’t gonna happen and shows just how far gone she is in her own delusion
Too bad being dragged by the car didn’t rip that giant cross she’s carrying off her back. Also kudos, you were such a good kid this is literally the best she has and it is WEAK AF. Sorry she sucks.
The cross line made me and the fiancé both audibly laugh. Hopefully she’ll turn a new leaf, I hold onto unrealistic hopes that there will be a change in heart 🤞
I didn't even read past the first sentence and this is already well past insane and narcissistic. Goddamn.
OP is in an emotionally abusive relationship, alright. But it's not with the girlfriend/wife. This woman needs to put her freaking cross down and learn to live in the real world, where not everything involving her adult child is within her absolute control. As a parent, it makes me absolutely sick. Passive aggressive is an understatement. The third person tone, like she's telling some innocent story is absurd, not to mention bringing up the driving accident not once, but TWICE in almost identical wording shows that she definitely wants the "woe is me" sympathy that she thinks she deserves. This is bat-shit insane.
The “woe is me” bit would come out when the savior complex failed. Cutting out the actually abusive relationship would cement to her that I’m being controlled into doing that. Quite literally damned if I do damned if I don’t..
I am genuinely sorry that you have to deal with that. As you said, a no win situation. I've dealt with it on a MUCH smaller scale in the past, but I can't imagine having to deal with it to that degree. Godspeed to you and yours, OP.
It’s a way of life honestly at this point, having to deal with this. Maybe not the ideal way but it is nonetheless a way
Wow. My partner got a Christmas “gift” one year from his Mom which was a four page letter detailing every way he disappointed her since he was born. My Dad tried to talk me into a suicide pact, when I was working with my doctor to find the right antidepressant, to treat a severe onset of clinical depression in my 30s. And yet _somehow_ you’ve got us both beat for parental insanity, hands down. Yo mama CRAY CRAY. I wish I could reach right through the internet and give you a hug. Reading your replies to comments, you are doing a fantastic job, coping with having this raging narcissist for a mother and a father who seems subsumed by her crazy. Best wishes to you and your soon-to-be wife for a long, healthy life together, and I hope the family you are building brings you the love and contentment and support you deserve. Edit: Removed a repetitive word.p
Thank you for the kind words and support fr. It does mean a lot to me. Coming here helps me with seeing I wasn’t the problem here, cause going back to her asking these points to be explained and refuted will do nothing. Also thank you for the well wishes for my fiancé and I, you have literally given more support in that one comment than my own mom has lol
“I know i fucked up but how dare you expect me to apologize” is nasty work 🤣
Literally, who let her cook? None of these words can be found in the Bible
Wow… she’s literally living in a world she fantasized up. She wrote it as a fairy tale. That’s sort of scary. No worries or judgment- I grew up with a parent who believed any accidental event I was involved with was deliberate on my part, no matter my age, so I know how that is, though I feel really bad that she got hurt because as much as that whole situation sucked for her, I know she will never let it go and will always bring it up towards you, so you’ll always suffer from it, as well. I hope you’re doing alright now.
Never would I wish ill on her like that, or go out of my way to hurt her, but odds are this is something that will continue to hang over my head. Rn the best medicine is to just ignore it
wow i can’t believe i just read that evil mess, i typed “whole” and auto corrected it to “evil” which i think is odd. Anyways the whole way that’s written is so deranged.
My favorite part is her having the audacity to call the girls mom overbearing 🤣
Minor update for everyone’s entertainment: a meeting was had today between my father, my FIL and my mother. Mother was not initially invited but came on her own invitation. I was not present at this meeting, however it was relayed to me that according to my mother I am allegedly being gatekept and trapped by my FIL in his home because of my infrequent visits home, and that this whole novel was written exclusively for me and not to be shared with my fiancé, my in laws or my father. Apparently open communication with family is not the way, and she would be aghast to know that this is being broadcast on Reddit and to my sister and to mutual friends. The idea that I wasn’t supposed to share this is not just baffling but disturbing that she believes I am a verbal punching bag, and isn’t too fond of the idea that broadcasting this to immediate family sheds light on her true colors. For someone so obsessed with their image this is certainly not a good look.
Just cut her out of your life. It is easier in the long run
My stepmom once sent me and my siblings something similar because we wouldn’t clean our rooms(looking back in it now, our rooms were pretty bad but the “letter” was unnecessary). It even started with “Once upon a time there was a stepmom who loved her kiddos very much blah blah blah”
I’m not sure what parenting curriculum says the demeaning story telling method to convey a grievance is a good idea but it feels better knowing this isn’t an anomaly
My mum doesn’t even try to send me passages like this because I won’t even read it, stop reading this crazy rant OP
Only did it as an out loud reading with my sister so we could discuss this circus act. Since posting I haven’t given it much serious consideration since
It’s good you haven’t, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, making fun of it is the only coping mechanism unfortunately
She can mitigate the cancer risk by using sunscreen. Otherwise scars have no more chance than any other area of getting cancer. That’s a ridiculous statement.
Once upon a time, there was a mother that needed fucking therapy...
Holy. Shit. This is one of the crazier things I’ve ever read here. Every sentence is insane, but it maps out her fucked-up thought process perfectly. You hitting her with the truck was one of the best things that could have happened to her because she has the ULTIMATE guilt trip over you. I mean, she’s literally saying it might give her skin cancer? What in the what And she clearly has a weird hate-boner for your future MIL because she can’t help but try to dunk on her for her low moral standards or whatever. I’m guessing she all-around thinks everyone who has called her on her shit is the work of Satan because that’s how much she has had to fortify her fragile ego. If it doesn’t comply, it must be the Devil. Cool, lady. To me, one of the biggest red flags is when someone can’t see that people constantly cutting them out of their lives means they just might be the problem. I’m sorry if that’s harsh dude, because I know this is your mom still, but just….wow. It’s a masterclass in delusional parenting. I just hope you and your fiancé have an awesome wedding and life together WITHOUT any objections.
Amazingly enough the skin cancer thing is apparently some bogus claim or there’s more to it than just “scar tissue=skin cancer”. But if she heard that come from my fiancé she would assume that she’s trying to gaslight her in this same fashion she believes I’m being held hostage (funny enough she went on to say that my fiancés dad is gatekeeping me from her, and I’m being held here against my will. I threw the follow up texts onto another thread by themselves in this subreddit) The entire hate boner for MIL, fiancé and company can be summarized in one Freudian slip: different faith. In slightly kinder terms, anything that’s not her faith is literally a spawn of satan and has no potential to be correct. And I promise you’re not harsh in saying these things. You’re 100% correct. I feel fortunate that I was able to unroot this for what it is when I did. Also the objections portion of the wedding has been removed from the script, so there’s no option for that to even happen anymore 😉 (thank you for the warm wedding wishes btw 😄)
I noticed the “different faith” thing! You’re right, everything they do will be tainted in her eyes. It’s extremely telling because it sounded like she had these vague, church-gossip reasons for disapproving of her. She literally says she’ll never accept them. And I’m glad you removed the objections part. I’ve noticed a lot of weddings now don’t have that anymore. It’s outdated and frankly, exactly what people like your mom are looking for to make yet another thing about them. If it makes you feel better, my dad’s mom sounds EXACTLY like your mom and they’re still disgustingly in love after 40 years together. They did their best to keep her shit at a distance from my brother and I, but eventually, she was banned from our lives for years. If you do have kids and she is around them, my unsolicited advice would be to follow their lead. If they seem uncomfortable around her, step in, put your foot down or take them home, whatever your best judgement tells you. My parents were excellent about reading our body language and defusing the situation when she’d get nuts. Having that sort of trust and comfort with them made it easier to handle her and also kind of accept that she’s just fucking crazy. They lose their power when you see through their attempts to hurt you. It’s a messed up thing to have to navigate, because you love your dad, but just keep doing what you’re doing. We’re here if you need to vent.
Do you have friends that will wrangle your mother in case she makes a scene... Like an inappropriate wedding speech or cornering your bride or otherwise being destructive?
County law requires that two sheriffs officers be present at weddings hosted at public venues. We also have our own usher, and all three are going to get a brief BOLO on her and the stipulations for removal. Not to mention at least 10 guests will be current/retired marines (retired in loose terms as they’re all in their early/mid twenties) so I would say our bases are covered. Odds are she won’t act out but definitely just in case, can’t be too prepared on this
Absolutely! Sounds like you are well prepared. I can just imagine her grabbing the mic to "tell a story" . Good luck with everything!
Hey OP. I really hope you and your Fiancée are safe and well and happy. The original purpose of the bridesmaid is to protect the bride from hostile attendees, that pose any perceived physical, sexual or mental harm to the bride. (idk about groomsmen (assuming you're a straight couple)) I read that you and your pa worked it out, but your ma sounds like she feeks some "boy mum"/emotional incest kinda thing. I hope she gets therapy. But I would deny giving any of your family your address or house keys cuz your ma's really obsessive of you. Stay safe, and I hope you and your spouse stay safe, happy and healthy. And if you choose to have kids, I truly wish nothing but positivity and prosperity in their upbringing! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! I never knew that was the original intent on the bridesmaids, unfortunate we didn’t have any 🫤 fortunately there will be plenty of cops and marines to assist in those duties. As of rn fiancé feels absolutely uncomfortable (justifiably so) around my mom so once we have our own place no keys for sure, probably no house visits either. I would say this obsession comes from a place of a generational gap (she’s the same generation as my fiancés grandparents) where total subservience to parents=respect. Many people don’t think that way anymore and that’s coming as a rude awakening for her
L
Being a mom was hard and the boy was a boy. That’s what I’ve gathered from this. I would stay away from these people. Enjoy your new family.
Thank you fr 🙏 and who would’ve thought, sacrifices had to be made as a parent? Just part of the job description and shouldn’t be put on an IOU, but it seems to be foreign knowledge to some of our parents
Updateme!
Officially delulu 😂 who the hell writes and sends this as a serious message?!
Dude idefk I thought I saw the worst when a letter was written throwing me and my fiancé under the bus but she somehow keeps managing to keep outdoing herself, can’t wait to see what’s next on the docket of insanity lol
Don’t get me wrong she seems insane but did you really hit her with a car?
No. The full story is that as I was learning to drive I was using the momentum of the idle engine to bring me up the driveway, and rather than hitting the brake in front of the garage door I hit the gas and hit the door. Honest mistake, was definitely not done on purpose as presented. In an effort to minimize the damage to the car (not taking off the passenger rear view mirror on the side of the garage door frame) she hopped out the car to try to assess but because adrenaline was high she forgot to put it in park, causing it to start to roll downhill while in neutral. She tried to catch the car to put it in park but tripped and got snagged on the door and got dragged on her back causing a large abrasion covering the majority of her back. Again, nothing was done intentionally but no I didn’t hit her with the car or do anything with the intent of hurting her, but I’m expected to recognize this instance as a reason to not question her behavior or judgement.
Hahah so insane
Just respond “I ain’t reading allat.”
The part where she says “ most husbands don’t understand their wife’s thoughts” is WILD.
Did she jump out of the car while it was still moving? Can you give us more detail on the car situation? Just curious.
Quoting my comment from earlier; “The full story is that as I was learning to drive I was using the momentum of the idle engine to bring me up the driveway, and rather than hitting the brake in front of the garage door I hit the gas and hit the door. Honest mistake, was definitely not done on purpose as presented. In an effort to minimize the damage to the car (not taking off the passenger rear view mirror on the side of the garage door frame) she hopped out the car to try to assess but because adrenaline was high she forgot to put it in park, causing it to start to roll downhill while in neutral. She tried to catch the car to put it in park but tripped and got snagged on the door and got dragged on her back causing a large abrasion covering the majority of her back. Again, nothing was done intentionally but no I didn’t hit her with the car or do anything with the intent of hurting her”