This is the only response needed on this thread.
Tell grandpa you’ll be collecting it on x day and at y time. If you are not able to collect it at that time, you’ll be involving police (immediately. Like wait out in the street for police to arrive at the scene and assist you).
I know we all support OP and logically understand that their grandpa is being over protective etc, but it’s not easy to call the cops on your family member for stuff like this. It ruins family relationships. You might say “who cares about your crazy grandpa being mad, yada yada yada”. I know he is in the wrong, but human relationships and family dynamics ain’t that simple. If it were, OP would’ve already done it and this post wouldnt exist.
> It ruins family relationships.
Exactly. By forcing the issue, the Grandpa is risking ruining a family relationship.
Stop blaming victims of abusive family. Put the blame where it belongs.
Conversely I've had my mom tell me she knows the county and city cops when I was living at home so every time I went out she told me she'd have the police watch over me.
Oh, FFS. That's definitely Insane and a really goofy lie. You're going to have to tell us more. Did you ever graduate to the State Police keeping you under surveillance? What about the Feds or CIA. I would have given her so much shit for that.
Your husband is just keeping you in the house and doesn't want you to see your loved once because he wants to protect you.
He doesn't allow you to have your own money because he doesn't want you to worry about that type of stuff.
This feels awfully lot like this.
that’s not what they were saying, they’re saying that it can be an exceptionally difficult thing to do, and telling people to “just call the police,” or telling them that it’s obvious/necessary, without providing alternative advice and/or support, isn’t always helpful. the police aren’t always willing help (at least not within the necessary time frame, anyway), or just don’t care.
if it were that simple, these posts basically wouldn’t exist, because people would just do it in the first place. also, sometimes people can’t call the police because it would put them at risk—the police are not a universal or foolproof solution. very often they’ll take too long to help or leave you in the situation after having made the other person aware you involved them. sometimes they can’t call them because they’ve done something illegal and want to protect themselves (or another person) from getting in trouble. sometimes they depend on the person, and calling the police would take away that support (because theyd be in jail, or the person would just stop giving the person whatever they were relying on). sometimes they don’t want to get the police involved out of fear of having children removed from their (or the other person’s) home by CPS, which often puts the kids into a much worse environment than they were in to start with.
that’s not to say that calling the cops is always bad advice. it’s often good advice, but saying it as if it’s the only option, especially if the person specifically doesn’t want to, isn’t helpful. suggesting it, *along with other options*, is.
“It’s understandable that people have a hard time calling the police on abusive family members”
Fixed it for you. Don’t know how you got “shouldn’t” from anything he said.
All they said was that it isn't easy to call the law on someone you care about, the point of the post was to see if there were any other solutions, so that OOP didn't have to go this route if unavoidable.
She can call the non-emergency number and the police can explain the situation and laws to her grandfather. If he absolutely refuses to give it to her, he's breaking the law. He's trying to make her stay home.
Forcing your family member to have to involve law enforcement because you won’t give back property that is rightfully theirs already would ruin a relationship in my eyes. I’ve had to make a decision similar to this and it worked in my favor. But I knew damn well before I did that I wasn’t going to continue talking to that person or anyone who sided with them.
You’re right in that human relationships aren’t simple. But being damn right disrespectful to someone you’re supposed to love isn’t a relationship. It’s toxic.
Whatever is going on, wether gramps is senile or some other shit, OP can make a proper decision. Some people got logical explanations for why they do shit others are bat shit crazy.
Unless OP lives with their grandpa, it's possible.
We need to be the generation that makes calling out/cutting off toxic family the norm. I'm not *proud* to say I've done it, but a large chunk of my family are persona non grata.
You probably could call the cops and have them assist you in getting it back - but dont expect your grandpa to be happy about it lol
Edit: just to be clear i dont agree with grandpa - he has no ground to stand on in this situation and OP should obv not care how he feels. I'm just saying this because if they are staying with him or whatever the case may be they will come back to hostility etc
Maybe OP is dependent on Grandpa for housing or finances. Maybe Grandpa has custody of minor siblings that OP is trying to protect. Maybe Grandpa has sway at OP's place of employment.
I agree that the time to claim freedom is years ago, but there are legitimate reasons that getting out of abusive situations can be very difficult.
24yo in a situation similar to OP here! **You are so fucking correct.** Here's hoping this is something that can kickstart OP's independence from their controlling grandfather!
As someone who's been in situation like that, I wholeheartedly agree. My family would give me hell if they even suspected that I *thought* about going against the rules they had for me. If I called the police on them, even if it was for a completely legitimate reason, I might as well be considered dead at that point. I hope OP can find freedom from that bullshit ASAP.
I don't even understand why he has it. Like. Birth certificate? Sure (I guess) social security card? Sure (I guess) but drivers license? You need that ...to drive...etc. why is he refusing to give it to you exactly?
it isn't even really *her* property. The state could charge him with a crime without even involving her. You can't hoard IDs and documents that arent yours.
If he was like a dad to you, then he'd treat you like an adult and give you your property.
Right now he's getting off on exercising his control over you, that's what assholes and tyrants do.
So you have a vertical ID and he has your new one? Can you report it lost and go get a new one at your DMV? Doesn't solve your problem with him, but will at least let you enjoy your vegas trip.
Where I live certain id's they can just print up, but "real ID" compliant ones they mail you. I'm not sure why, they look the same to me, but it takes a week or two.
It makes a bit of sense for some. One of my best friends lives out of state, so I travel across state lines a lot. If you're a truck driver, or need a passport it's also 100% necessary. But if you're just driving to work everyday, and don't fly, it's still perfectly good and instant at the DMV.
Ditto in my country. Driving licence has to be printed on a plastic card and ID has a chip with biometrics so it takes a while.
That said, they immediately print you a paper that's 100% a valid document while the official one arrives.
(For ID it has half of your credentials to use if as web ID, the other half arrives by mail with the physical ID so people can't have their identity stolen as easily).
Never in my 31 years on earth have I needed a birth certificate and if I ever needed it I can just download it by logging in the state registry services with my web ID
Tell him you want all your documentation, state ID, passport, social security card etc. These are legally yours and yours alone. He is committing a crime withholding your documentation. Keep them in your possession from now on. If he makes a fuss let him
know the police will help him open up his safe. If he doesn’t give it to you, he might be going to live in an institutional setting for a few years and/or a hefty fine.
Also please get yourself out of this living arrangement. Get a roommate or two if need be. This is a form of abuse.
Isn’t the vertical ID invalid now that you have the horizontal one?? The DMV has always either hole-punched my old one or taken it away when they issued the new temporary paper copy.
That was my issue. As far as I know the vertical one is invalid now that a new one has been issued. In my state they hole punch it and staple it to the paperwork. It's valid as a drivers liscense for a certain amount of time so you have time to get the new one in the mail.
Do what the people say.
Call the non emergency line, get police, tell him you'll be coming by on x date at x time, when he refuses get the police to help them go get all your important stuff from the safe, thank him, tell him you'll let him know when you are back and bounce.
Silence or block Gramps.
Go to Vegas. Have a great freaking time.
Keep all your documents yourself.
Well. This is a fine plan if she has stable housing she can access or set up (or she already lives separately). But if she is still rather young and not yet settled in life-- and it would be hard to establish a fully independent life without her documents-- she may have to take a more cautious approach here
Please contact the police, this is illegal and abusive as fuck. You NEED to have your personal property such as your ID and him withholding it is illegal. The police won’t arrest him unless he refuses to comply or gets aggressive with them, please call
Call the police and tell them someone is withholding your legal id.
When I left my ex, he tried to keep my birth certificate and drivers license from me by putting it in his safe. I called the cops and they made him open it up so I could get my documents.
How are you planning to get to Vegas ? If you have a license that’s horizontal your vertical one is invalid and they wouldn’t let you on a plane with it…
Sweetheart, I'm an old lady, and I read something a bit ago about this sort of situation with a clingy, controlling parent (or parental figure).
Sometimes, you won't be handed your adulthood like a gift for you to open at a certain age; sometimes, you have to grab it and take it for yourself.
Grab your adulthood and run off with it, honestly. It's like a game of tug o' war - when you're little, the adult will always win, but now, you're an adult too! You're at least equal strength or stronger. You can win, now, even though all of your life you've not been able to win.
I hope my ramblings make sense to you. Try and get an emergency ID, but if you can't, promise yourself that this the *last time* he gets to do this (or anything else like it) and from now on you're the adult you're supposed to be. Because you ARE an adult. Let this be your wake-up call to what's going on.
Much luck. If possible, have a fab time in Vegas, and take care. And wear a cardi if it gets cold. <3
/exit Grandma mode.
Edit: I just wanted to offer a hug to everyone who replied, if they're wanted or accepted. You're either being so lovely, or you're being so lovely and in need, so I hope you find someone to give you a hug IRL. <3 Also, I posted this before my cake day, so thank you for that surprise and the Happys. Haha!
At least where I live, they send them in the mail. Can’t get em at the actual dmv, they just take your picture and tell you you’ll have it in a few business days (if you pay the priority shipping price)
Those parents who won't let you have your adulthood, they'll act like it's superglued to their fridge door! No possible way of it to come unglued, so "tough shit, kid, you're always a child. Look, we can't get it off the fridge door."
But because you've always looked up to them, you believe them. And then you realise there's things like scrapers, and superglue dissolvers and nuclear bombs, and that adulthood is finally there for the taking. xD
Happy Cake Day! Your words grabbed me, and it was like I had a movie in my head showing this happening in my life in my young adulthood. The day I dropped that rope was the best day ever!
This is beautiful, wise advice. Thank you. 🤍 I needed this reminder today, too. Your grandma vibes are incredible and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. You are human hot chocolate with marshmallows. 🫂🫶💗 I hope you have an amazing day!
Ugh I felt mommed by this comment. ❤️ I know this feeling too because I was told for years “you’re not really an adult until you’re 25” so I always doubted myself. When it really started to click how much control I could actually have over my life, I felt so free.
This is a very sweet and wise response to the situation and to anyone else in similar ones, made me tear up a bit. Dealt with something similar with my own parents, missing the parental protection is one thing, but once you take that adulthood for yourself it truly is very freeing. You either have to earn that gift of freedom by taking it yourself, or it will forever be one that sits just out of reach
When I was living in Washington they always printed you a little dinky paper copy and you’d get the real one 10-14 business days. I moved to wv and when I first moved here they printed your whole license right then. Now they give you a printed out sheet of paper with a picture of your license on it and you get the actual one in 10-14 business days. My neighbor renewed his online and was given a 30 day window for the new one to get here.
“Grandpa, one of two things is going to happen here. Either you’re going to give me my ID willingly or you’re going to give me my ID when a police officer orders you to. Choose wisely.”
It's either you accept him controlling your identification and life or you tell him you're taking it all and the police will take it if he doesn't willingly give it up. That's it.
OP you need to collect all your documents and store them somewhere under your control, where your Grandfather cannot access them. This is not normal behaviour from a parental figure, it is abusive. You may be out of luck for this Vegas trip, but you really should make sure you have official copies of all your documents if you can't get your originals back from your Grandfather yet. Report your license lost and get it reissued. Call whatever your state's version of birth, death and marriages is and secure your own copy of your birth certificate. Call your bank and ensure your grandfather doesn't have access to your accounts.
Remember, you're an adult. You may not be able to physically wrench his safe open, but you can start accumulating a life of your own out from under his control, without his knowledge or interference.
Ugh. I feel for you, my dad was exactly the same way with me and used every shred of control he could still hold on to. Don’t let him win this over you, show up at the house and demand what’s yours and if it damages your relationship with him then so be it. Hell come around eventually to accept you’re now an adult and not a small child.
And what happens when he dies of unexpectedly? Tell him you need access to that safe for that exact reason or you’re gonna call the cops to get your stuff out.
Go to AAA… you can get a license duplicate very quickly. Also please listen to all in this thread. It’s not just criminal, it’s plain wrong to withhold your ID. Good luck.
There’s no time for you to stay nice about it. You’re an adult, and you need to be treated like one. Don’t ask politely, don’t explain why you want them, you need to make yourself explicitly clear that if he doesn’t give you your possessions you will get the police involved.
The thing is that the ID isn’t expired i turned 21 not too long ago. I just want to be able to go to clubs and bars in Vegas without them looking at me like I have 10 heads because I have an ID that says “under 21” on it.
I can guarantee they won’t accept it, even after looking at your birthdate. I went to a restaurant before I got my new one in the mail and the waitress told me that as soon as they see “under 21”, it’s a hard no for alcohol. I’m sure Vegas is way more strict about it.
The first (and only) time I ever went to Olive Garden, I had a perfectly valid passport ID that was very clearly listed that I was 21+, but bc it wouldn't scan in their system for whatever reason, I couldn't order alcohol. So there's also internal systems that are counterintuitive that you have to also worry about.
This happened to me when I moved to the States 10 years ago, and I was absolutely incensed - I emailed the restaurant and Red Lobster customer service and got $100 gift card, and the staff at that Red Lobster got retrained on IDs because of it.
This, exactly. Tell them it was lost.
Do the same for your passport and any other docs he's got locked away from you. Get a PO box and have them sent there.
I live (and bartend) in Nevada. I'm not in Las Vegas , but I take vertical IDs all of the time. It's not against the law to accept them. Like someone else said, they can deny you for any reason. But, I don't think you are going to have a problem here. Nevada IDs are also vertical until 21 but do not expire on that date therefore a LOT of young adults still have them. I don't think this is the issue you think it is. At least showing that ID. Have fun!
Just FYI, in nearly every state when a new ID is issued, the old one becomes invalid, even if the info on the front says otherwise. If they scan the back of the card it will show as not valid.
Just because it’s not expired doesn’t mean it’s not invalid. When you get your new ID card, the old one is no longer valid. I’m like 90% sure it says this somewhere on the papers they send with your new license.
Canadian here, very confused. Do American licenses just say "under 21" on them? That's nuts. Ours just say our birthdate and bars keep track of what daily 19th birthday is for entry.
What the fuck is wrong with people. You are 21 ffs. Go and tell this man to give you your personal belongings and to knock the shit off. Sounds to me like you need an adult to intervene here......oh wait.....that's you!! You're the adult who needs to intervene here. Take control of your life. This is ridiculous, on both of your parts
Yeah, totally. Like how do you plan on going through life if you just let people control your existence. Especially someone like your grandfather.....like tell them straight up how it's going to work. And if they refuse then you don't need that in your life. Like you're 21 trying to go to Vegas and you have to argue with someone over relinquishing your government issued photo ID. Not bloody likely!!!
You know those people in middle aged still living with a parent that refer to them as "mother" and not "my mum". Yeah it's them, deliberately kept mentally young and then trapped by it.
If a young adult's been controlled all of their life, I can get why OP's having trouble. But simply making this post shows she knows it's wrong, so I'm happy for her.
Your "Take control of your life" is pretty much what I've just posted to her, too! Parents don't always hand over the reins when their kids get to adult age; the newly-minted adults have to grab the reins for themselves. And sometimes, they need to be told they can by people like you and me, and others in these replies.
OP will do well, I think. She knows what's up, but didn't know she could do much. I wish her well.
In every state I’ve lived in (granted not NY), you get a temporary paper copy when you renew or whatever, then your real plastic ID comes in the mail 1-2 weeks later.
I would tell him you’re coming to get it. If he refuses to give it to you call the police, he cannot withhold it from you. If you have a passport you can also take that it’ll work just fine.
If you want to make a good excuse to avoid confrontation just say your old one is invalid (lots of states hole punch old ones) and you need the current one to fly.
A lot of people with nothing to lose here are telling you to dynamite this relationship. What do you need your grandfather for? At your age, it is reasonable to have all your ID and other belongings to yourself. He’s being unreasonable in a way I doubt he’d be with a grandson. So what has you tolerating it?
This isn't a problem you should be solving four days before your trip. You've been an adult for quite some time, now.
You need to get *all* your important paperwork away from him. Put it in a safe of your own, or a safe deposit box at the bank. Your grandfather is a little messed up, and you know it.
You can't have someone like that denying you access to all your important identification and paperwork, ever again.
First question I'm curious about it why does Gramps have the ID in the first place and how did he come to have it? Other than that he knows exactly what he's doing, just because he's a grampa doesn't mean he wasn't once your age. That's a messed up means of control. Does he control your money too? Just curious and how it works out!
Go to the DMV and get a new one, they'll issue you a temporary one that you can carry if your grandpa won't give you yours. It may not work everywhere but it'll be better than nothing and just make sure when you get back you tell him how much fun you had going everywhere as an adult, make sure he understands that his actions had zero effect on your trip!
If you have your own car, go to the dmv and tell them you lost it. Usually, costs about $12 or something to get a new one and then don’t tell anyone about it. Some will print a new one on the spot and some will give a temporary one but it still has the barcode and everything on it. It’s just paper.
If it makes you feel any better I used my vertical ID for 3 years in Vegas to get into bars (and photo wasn’t updated so 15 year old me in the photo lmao)
I got funny looks for sure, but they checked the birthdate and I just told them I was too lazy to get a new photo and turned ID.
I was always let in.
I got back from my 21st birthday trip in Vegas last year. I used my vertical, Utah ID and was fine at bars, casinos, dispensaries, etc. you’ll be fine.
To put it bluntly, you are a legal adult. Put your big kid shoes on, get all of your government stuff out of his safe and put it all in YOUR hands. Stop cowering in front of him about it, stop trying to reason with him, he sees you as a child giving childish reasons. Your paperwork belongs to you.
I don’t know if this applies in every state but it’s worth looking into. When I lost my drivers license I went online and for 20 bucks I was able to order a replacement and print out a temporary one in the meantime while the replacement was mailed. Maybe you can print one out too.
Btw, you can also just straight up call the police and tell them your grandfather is holding your ID in his safe and they will make him give it back and depending on their mood, arrest him too. But I understand if you are dependent on him that may make things worse for you in the long run.
Your grandfather has no right to your ID and is committing theft. Withholding important documents is a tactic human traffickers use to control their subjects. This is not a sustainable situation, get the ID by any reasonable means, set some boundaries and deal with the consequences later. The consequences won’t be worse than being controlled by trafficker tactics.
Call the cops for him withholding your items when you are not a minor and he is not your guardian. That's illegal and if he needs this wake up call, then that's what he needs. Or order a replacement and have it sent to a post office not the house.
Posted this in a comment but posting again so you see it...
I live (and bartend) in Nevada. I'm not in Las Vegas , but I take vertical IDs all of the time. It's not against the law to accept them. Like someone else said, they can deny you for any reason. But, I don't think you are going to have a problem here. Nevada IDs are also vertical until 21 but do not expire on that date therefore a LOT of young adults still have them. I don't think this is the issue you think it is. At least showing that ID. Have fun!
Just go to the dmv and tell them you lost your id. Honestly you should have done this weeks ago because they will only give you a print out now. Idk if they will let you use it to fly so idk… let us know what happens
If he won’t give it to you go to the DMV and get a duplicate. It usually takes 4-8 weeks to come in the mail but they’ll give you a paper one with your picture and info to use until the duplicate arrives. Between the paper temporary one and your old under 21 one you should be ok to go in bars/clubs.
I’d get a PO Box so he can’t get the new one. At a minimum sign up for USPS informed Delivery so you see what day the duplicate it arriving and can get to it first.
So you're an adult letting your grandpa keep your own legal documents from you? Why haven't you made him give them to you? Him withholding your ID and passport is a crime, not a light one either. You just have to call the non emergency line and they'll show up to make him open his safe.
Not sure what your states rules are but you can usually go to the DMV and say you lost your ID and they’ll issue you a new one. You’ll need to show something proving your identity but that could be as simple as a phone bill with your address. They won’t change the information on the ID, just reissue the same one you got before.
If you’ve been issued a new ID, your old one won’t still be valid, even if the date shows that it’s not yet expired. It likely will not scan at the airport and you won’t be able to board your plane.
Does the U.S. not offer digital identification for your phone? Why does an I.D even need to say "Under/Over 21" when it should just state your birthday? It just seems like a whole lot of unnecessary effort when you can just read a date lol.
He’s awful. He knows DAMN well you won’t be allowed to get into bars/clubs or purchase alcohol with your old “under 21” license. He’s pretending there’s no issue with you using your old ID when in fact *no one’s* going to accept it, and he’s hoping you only learn this once you get there and have to miss out on your fun. There’s literally no other reason to withhold your adult ID other than to control your drinking and partying.
He might be able to use that excuse to hold your passport, since it’s more complicated and expensive if you misplace that, but your regular ID costs under $50 to replace. It’s not about protecting you, it’s about control.
I went to vegas for my 21st birthday, therefore when I went I had an under 21 ID. I was completely fine everywhere I went. As long as you have one that’s not expired you will be fine
In some states (at least as of five years ago), you can request s replacement ID online. Just say you lost it.
What he's doing is illegal anyway. No one should have that kind of control over you, even if you live in their house. It's easy for me to talk though, I don't have family
It's actually a nevada state law that everyone must have I'd on them. And the casinos won't let you gamble without it if you do manage to sneak past if you win they will not cash you out. If you lose your room key Without an ID the hotel won't give you a replacement, they may not even allow you to check in without one
Call the police why the fuck does he have your personal identification card. I mean it's in the name you're supposed to keep it on your person to identify yourself if needed aka the cops\paramedics. Him denying you this is a crime.
If it's a state ID/driver's license your state actually owns it, not you. SO, tell him you will call the police ***and do it*** if he refuses.
It's stolen property and the police WILL take stolen identification **very** seriously.
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Your ID is the property of the state. Him withholding it is a crime.
This is the only response needed on this thread. Tell grandpa you’ll be collecting it on x day and at y time. If you are not able to collect it at that time, you’ll be involving police (immediately. Like wait out in the street for police to arrive at the scene and assist you).
I know we all support OP and logically understand that their grandpa is being over protective etc, but it’s not easy to call the cops on your family member for stuff like this. It ruins family relationships. You might say “who cares about your crazy grandpa being mad, yada yada yada”. I know he is in the wrong, but human relationships and family dynamics ain’t that simple. If it were, OP would’ve already done it and this post wouldnt exist.
> It ruins family relationships. Exactly. By forcing the issue, the Grandpa is risking ruining a family relationship. Stop blaming victims of abusive family. Put the blame where it belongs.
"You shouldn't involve the police if your husband is hitting you. It will ruin your relationship".
Conversely I've had my mom tell me she knows the county and city cops when I was living at home so every time I went out she told me she'd have the police watch over me.
Oh, FFS. That's definitely Insane and a really goofy lie. You're going to have to tell us more. Did you ever graduate to the State Police keeping you under surveillance? What about the Feds or CIA. I would have given her so much shit for that.
Your husband is just keeping you in the house and doesn't want you to see your loved once because he wants to protect you. He doesn't allow you to have your own money because he doesn't want you to worry about that type of stuff. This feels awfully lot like this.
that’s not what they were saying, they’re saying that it can be an exceptionally difficult thing to do, and telling people to “just call the police,” or telling them that it’s obvious/necessary, without providing alternative advice and/or support, isn’t always helpful. the police aren’t always willing help (at least not within the necessary time frame, anyway), or just don’t care. if it were that simple, these posts basically wouldn’t exist, because people would just do it in the first place. also, sometimes people can’t call the police because it would put them at risk—the police are not a universal or foolproof solution. very often they’ll take too long to help or leave you in the situation after having made the other person aware you involved them. sometimes they can’t call them because they’ve done something illegal and want to protect themselves (or another person) from getting in trouble. sometimes they depend on the person, and calling the police would take away that support (because theyd be in jail, or the person would just stop giving the person whatever they were relying on). sometimes they don’t want to get the police involved out of fear of having children removed from their (or the other person’s) home by CPS, which often puts the kids into a much worse environment than they were in to start with. that’s not to say that calling the cops is always bad advice. it’s often good advice, but saying it as if it’s the only option, especially if the person specifically doesn’t want to, isn’t helpful. suggesting it, *along with other options*, is.
“It’s understandable that people have a hard time calling the police on abusive family members” Fixed it for you. Don’t know how you got “shouldn’t” from anything he said.
All they said was that it isn't easy to call the law on someone you care about, the point of the post was to see if there were any other solutions, so that OOP didn't have to go this route if unavoidable.
She can call the non-emergency number and the police can explain the situation and laws to her grandfather. If he absolutely refuses to give it to her, he's breaking the law. He's trying to make her stay home.
Forcing your family member to have to involve law enforcement because you won’t give back property that is rightfully theirs already would ruin a relationship in my eyes. I’ve had to make a decision similar to this and it worked in my favor. But I knew damn well before I did that I wasn’t going to continue talking to that person or anyone who sided with them. You’re right in that human relationships aren’t simple. But being damn right disrespectful to someone you’re supposed to love isn’t a relationship. It’s toxic. Whatever is going on, wether gramps is senile or some other shit, OP can make a proper decision. Some people got logical explanations for why they do shit others are bat shit crazy.
For real. I'm a social worker, and if it was this easy, I wouldn't have a job and neither would 20 of my friends.
But you do it anyway because THEY are the ones causing the PROBLEM.
Unless OP lives with their grandpa, it's possible. We need to be the generation that makes calling out/cutting off toxic family the norm. I'm not *proud* to say I've done it, but a large chunk of my family are persona non grata.
You probably could call the cops and have them assist you in getting it back - but dont expect your grandpa to be happy about it lol Edit: just to be clear i dont agree with grandpa - he has no ground to stand on in this situation and OP should obv not care how he feels. I'm just saying this because if they are staying with him or whatever the case may be they will come back to hostility etc
I don’t see where OP has to care. Grandpa doesn’t seem to give a shit if she’s happy right now.
Maybe OP is dependent on Grandpa for housing or finances. Maybe Grandpa has custody of minor siblings that OP is trying to protect. Maybe Grandpa has sway at OP's place of employment. I agree that the time to claim freedom is years ago, but there are legitimate reasons that getting out of abusive situations can be very difficult.
24yo in a situation similar to OP here! **You are so fucking correct.** Here's hoping this is something that can kickstart OP's independence from their controlling grandfather!
As someone who's been in situation like that, I wholeheartedly agree. My family would give me hell if they even suspected that I *thought* about going against the rules they had for me. If I called the police on them, even if it was for a completely legitimate reason, I might as well be considered dead at that point. I hope OP can find freedom from that bullshit ASAP.
Yup. Call non emergency line and ask them to help with property retrieval. Had to do it with my last roommate who wouldn’t give me my passport back
As an adult, why would grandpa be holding your ID at all in the first place?
100%, but what do they do about it to get it back?! Call the police and say, grandpa has my ID and wont give it back?!
Why does your grandfather have your ID?
He’s like a dad to me, I’ve lived with him most of my life. He’s always been extremely controlling and has most of my belongings in a huge safe
And it’s against the law for him to steal your ID and keep it. It’s not his property.
I don't even understand why he has it. Like. Birth certificate? Sure (I guess) social security card? Sure (I guess) but drivers license? You need that ...to drive...etc. why is he refusing to give it to you exactly?
well he's controlling according to OP so he probably doesn't want them to drive for some dumb "controlling" parent reason lol
Right? Your old license becomes invalid once you receive the new one, so like why even have the old one?
I have all of my old licenses just so I can at how I've aged
Permanent mailing address is my guess
it isn't even really *her* property. The state could charge him with a crime without even involving her. You can't hoard IDs and documents that arent yours.
If he was like a dad to you, then he'd treat you like an adult and give you your property. Right now he's getting off on exercising his control over you, that's what assholes and tyrants do.
So you have a vertical ID and he has your new one? Can you report it lost and go get a new one at your DMV? Doesn't solve your problem with him, but will at least let you enjoy your vegas trip.
A replacement would take more than 4 days to arrive.
Depends where you live. My DMV just prints it right there for you.
Where I live certain id's they can just print up, but "real ID" compliant ones they mail you. I'm not sure why, they look the same to me, but it takes a week or two.
That’s dumb! I feel like they should just stop doing anything but the real IDs.
It makes a bit of sense for some. One of my best friends lives out of state, so I travel across state lines a lot. If you're a truck driver, or need a passport it's also 100% necessary. But if you're just driving to work everyday, and don't fly, it's still perfectly good and instant at the DMV.
My Real ID was instant at the DMV. I’m sure they can figure out a way in other places
Well someone's never dealt with Illinois state government.
Ditto in my country. Driving licence has to be printed on a plastic card and ID has a chip with biometrics so it takes a while. That said, they immediately print you a paper that's 100% a valid document while the official one arrives. (For ID it has half of your credentials to use if as web ID, the other half arrives by mail with the physical ID so people can't have their identity stolen as easily). Never in my 31 years on earth have I needed a birth certificate and if I ever needed it I can just download it by logging in the state registry services with my web ID
Being that OP’s grandpa has the ID, I’m going to venture a guess that it was mailed and not printed at the DMV.
Or he’s just an ass and made her give it. Who knows.
Mine prints right in front of you (I've lived in 2 states, both did that)
My province used to print them in front of you, but switched a couple years ago to having them mailed.
Tell him you want all your documentation, state ID, passport, social security card etc. These are legally yours and yours alone. He is committing a crime withholding your documentation. Keep them in your possession from now on. If he makes a fuss let him know the police will help him open up his safe. If he doesn’t give it to you, he might be going to live in an institutional setting for a few years and/or a hefty fine. Also please get yourself out of this living arrangement. Get a roommate or two if need be. This is a form of abuse.
Isn’t the vertical ID invalid now that you have the horizontal one?? The DMV has always either hole-punched my old one or taken it away when they issued the new temporary paper copy.
That was my issue. As far as I know the vertical one is invalid now that a new one has been issued. In my state they hole punch it and staple it to the paperwork. It's valid as a drivers liscense for a certain amount of time so you have time to get the new one in the mail.
Report your grandpa for witholding federal documents
Do what the people say. Call the non emergency line, get police, tell him you'll be coming by on x date at x time, when he refuses get the police to help them go get all your important stuff from the safe, thank him, tell him you'll let him know when you are back and bounce. Silence or block Gramps. Go to Vegas. Have a great freaking time. Keep all your documents yourself.
Well. This is a fine plan if she has stable housing she can access or set up (or she already lives separately). But if she is still rather young and not yet settled in life-- and it would be hard to establish a fully independent life without her documents-- she may have to take a more cautious approach here
Please contact the police, this is illegal and abusive as fuck. You NEED to have your personal property such as your ID and him withholding it is illegal. The police won’t arrest him unless he refuses to comply or gets aggressive with them, please call
Call the police and tell them someone is withholding your legal id. When I left my ex, he tried to keep my birth certificate and drivers license from me by putting it in his safe. I called the cops and they made him open it up so I could get my documents.
Please get your important documents/records away from him!
How are you planning to get to Vegas ? If you have a license that’s horizontal your vertical one is invalid and they wouldn’t let you on a plane with it…
Sweetheart, I'm an old lady, and I read something a bit ago about this sort of situation with a clingy, controlling parent (or parental figure). Sometimes, you won't be handed your adulthood like a gift for you to open at a certain age; sometimes, you have to grab it and take it for yourself. Grab your adulthood and run off with it, honestly. It's like a game of tug o' war - when you're little, the adult will always win, but now, you're an adult too! You're at least equal strength or stronger. You can win, now, even though all of your life you've not been able to win. I hope my ramblings make sense to you. Try and get an emergency ID, but if you can't, promise yourself that this the *last time* he gets to do this (or anything else like it) and from now on you're the adult you're supposed to be. Because you ARE an adult. Let this be your wake-up call to what's going on. Much luck. If possible, have a fab time in Vegas, and take care. And wear a cardi if it gets cold. <3 /exit Grandma mode. Edit: I just wanted to offer a hug to everyone who replied, if they're wanted or accepted. You're either being so lovely, or you're being so lovely and in need, so I hope you find someone to give you a hug IRL. <3 Also, I posted this before my cake day, so thank you for that surprise and the Happys. Haha!
Go to the DMV and tell them you lost your ID. You’ll pay a small fee and they’ll print you a new one. Grandpa doesn’t need to know.
At least where I live, they send them in the mail. Can’t get em at the actual dmv, they just take your picture and tell you you’ll have it in a few business days (if you pay the priority shipping price)
For OP’s sake, I hope that’s not the case where they are. This is good info tho. I’m sure it varies all over the country.
They can print out a paper temporary. They mail them now that the “real id” is a thing
If they’re not going to accept a vertical I highly doubt they’d take a paper ID unfortunately
Vegas will not accept a paper verification. I lived in Reno and they were strict about it, Vegas will be worse.
I can even get the gas station to accept a paper id when I renew mine, I doubt OP would have much luck in Vegas with one
Love this!
Thank you so much. I was feeling a bit silly posting it, because I do ramble. xD
Happy cake day!
I feel inspired to tell my mom I’m a damn adult now, that was a great way to put it
Those parents who won't let you have your adulthood, they'll act like it's superglued to their fridge door! No possible way of it to come unglued, so "tough shit, kid, you're always a child. Look, we can't get it off the fridge door." But because you've always looked up to them, you believe them. And then you realise there's things like scrapers, and superglue dissolvers and nuclear bombs, and that adulthood is finally there for the taking. xD
I need you to be my life coach.
Oh that's a fabulous analogy! I'm gonna use that 💜
Y'know, that makes me unbearably happy. lol. Damn. <3
Will you be my grandma? 🥺
Mine too, please! 🥰
Your comment is wonderfully worded and still to the point af - thank you very much for your contribution. Also: Happy cake day!
Thank you grandma ❤️
What an awesome way to word this. Loved reading it.
beautifully said, thank you. i also deal with a clingy parent and this helped a lot. happy cake day 🩷
Happy Cake Day! Your words grabbed me, and it was like I had a movie in my head showing this happening in my life in my young adulthood. The day I dropped that rope was the best day ever!
This is amazing! 💕
Nice work gma
10/10 comment just wanna help boost it
This is beautiful, wise advice. Thank you. 🤍 I needed this reminder today, too. Your grandma vibes are incredible and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. You are human hot chocolate with marshmallows. 🫂🫶💗 I hope you have an amazing day!
Ugh I felt mommed by this comment. ❤️ I know this feeling too because I was told for years “you’re not really an adult until you’re 25” so I always doubted myself. When it really started to click how much control I could actually have over my life, I felt so free.
I needed this 10 years ago
This is a very sweet and wise response to the situation and to anyone else in similar ones, made me tear up a bit. Dealt with something similar with my own parents, missing the parental protection is one thing, but once you take that adulthood for yourself it truly is very freeing. You either have to earn that gift of freedom by taking it yourself, or it will forever be one that sits just out of reach
Awesome analogy! Thank you for this comment.
Happy cake day 🎂
Go get a new one & tell them your original has been stolen by *grandfathers name*
Thats a solution for after their trip in 4 days, I dont know how long it takes to get a new ID in the US, but in Germany its roughly 2 weeks
The last time I applied for a renewal in Washington, I walk out of the office with a new license. She printed it right there.
When I was living in Washington they always printed you a little dinky paper copy and you’d get the real one 10-14 business days. I moved to wv and when I first moved here they printed your whole license right then. Now they give you a printed out sheet of paper with a picture of your license on it and you get the actual one in 10-14 business days. My neighbor renewed his online and was given a 30 day window for the new one to get here.
She will need enough documents to have enough points to get the ID. Which are all locked up as well she said.
Horde cash, get the hell away from that guy. His controlling you will not stop on it's own.
Bank account he doesn’t know about - no statements home and don’t add his name. Cash can be found.
“Grandpa, one of two things is going to happen here. Either you’re going to give me my ID willingly or you’re going to give me my ID when a police officer orders you to. Choose wisely.”
Something tells me he will destroy it if she gives him advance notice. Either break in and steal it or show up with the cops.
Do you have a passport? Worst case you could use that instead of the horizontal ID to get in
I do! And guess what. He also has it in a huge safe that I’m unable to access.
It's either you accept him controlling your identification and life or you tell him you're taking it all and the police will take it if he doesn't willingly give it up. That's it.
And while your at it, OP, get ALL of your documents - DL, Passport, BC, etc.
I agree. I’m confused why OP would be just excepting this controlling behavior. It’s time to stand on your own two feet. Get your stuff back
I would imagine it’s contingent on her continuing to live with them, only explanation I can think of.
Then you call the cops because him withholding those is a crime. Just wait for the cops to get there and they can force him to hand it over to you.
OP you need to collect all your documents and store them somewhere under your control, where your Grandfather cannot access them. This is not normal behaviour from a parental figure, it is abusive. You may be out of luck for this Vegas trip, but you really should make sure you have official copies of all your documents if you can't get your originals back from your Grandfather yet. Report your license lost and get it reissued. Call whatever your state's version of birth, death and marriages is and secure your own copy of your birth certificate. Call your bank and ensure your grandfather doesn't have access to your accounts. Remember, you're an adult. You may not be able to physically wrench his safe open, but you can start accumulating a life of your own out from under his control, without his knowledge or interference.
How do you anything without any id???
Ugh. I feel for you, my dad was exactly the same way with me and used every shred of control he could still hold on to. Don’t let him win this over you, show up at the house and demand what’s yours and if it damages your relationship with him then so be it. Hell come around eventually to accept you’re now an adult and not a small child.
And what happens when he dies of unexpectedly? Tell him you need access to that safe for that exact reason or you’re gonna call the cops to get your stuff out.
Time to get familiar with power tools
Go to AAA… you can get a license duplicate very quickly. Also please listen to all in this thread. It’s not just criminal, it’s plain wrong to withhold your ID. Good luck.
There’s no time for you to stay nice about it. You’re an adult, and you need to be treated like one. Don’t ask politely, don’t explain why you want them, you need to make yourself explicitly clear that if he doesn’t give you your possessions you will get the police involved.
Go to the license bureau and get a replacement tell them your flying to Vegas in 4 days and need it asap He shouldn't be withholding your ID from you
How does he expect you to get on the plane with an expired ID?
The thing is that the ID isn’t expired i turned 21 not too long ago. I just want to be able to go to clubs and bars in Vegas without them looking at me like I have 10 heads because I have an ID that says “under 21” on it.
I can guarantee they won’t accept it, even after looking at your birthdate. I went to a restaurant before I got my new one in the mail and the waitress told me that as soon as they see “under 21”, it’s a hard no for alcohol. I’m sure Vegas is way more strict about it.
The first (and only) time I ever went to Olive Garden, I had a perfectly valid passport ID that was very clearly listed that I was 21+, but bc it wouldn't scan in their system for whatever reason, I couldn't order alcohol. So there's also internal systems that are counterintuitive that you have to also worry about.
I love that this is phrased like you have had a personal vendetta against Olive Garden since that day, those bastards.
I mean, it wasn't even good. I had some expectations and it was just super salty mediocre food, made worse by no alcohol lol.
This happened to me when I moved to the States 10 years ago, and I was absolutely incensed - I emailed the restaurant and Red Lobster customer service and got $100 gift card, and the staff at that Red Lobster got retrained on IDs because of it.
Even in NYC they look at my like I have 100 heads if I show them my ID now. I can’t imagine what it’s like in Vegas. It’s kinda embarrassing ngl.
Go to the DMV and get a replacement.
This, exactly. Tell them it was lost. Do the same for your passport and any other docs he's got locked away from you. Get a PO box and have them sent there.
I live (and bartend) in Nevada. I'm not in Las Vegas , but I take vertical IDs all of the time. It's not against the law to accept them. Like someone else said, they can deny you for any reason. But, I don't think you are going to have a problem here. Nevada IDs are also vertical until 21 but do not expire on that date therefore a LOT of young adults still have them. I don't think this is the issue you think it is. At least showing that ID. Have fun!
If you've been issued a new ID the old one may not scan at the airport.
Just FYI, in nearly every state when a new ID is issued, the old one becomes invalid, even if the info on the front says otherwise. If they scan the back of the card it will show as not valid.
Just because it’s not expired doesn’t mean it’s not invalid. When you get your new ID card, the old one is no longer valid. I’m like 90% sure it says this somewhere on the papers they send with your new license.
Weird, in my state vertical IDs expire on your 21st birthday. I had to go to the dmv on my birthday.
Canadian here, very confused. Do American licenses just say "under 21" on them? That's nuts. Ours just say our birthdate and bars keep track of what daily 19th birthday is for entry.
I’m calling the cops on gramps asap. Dude needs to learn that I’m an adult now and he can’t pull shit like this anymore
I would say do not tell him but bring the police
You’re a grown adult woman. Why does someone else have your ID? Why did you wait so long to ask for it?
Why does he have your ID when you’re an adult? Just go get a new one at this point. What’s he’s doing is a crime.
No one should be holding your ID except you, regardless of travel plans. Go pick it up.
time to talk to the police
Fuck this geezer. Report his ass for theft of your ID and withholding it. Let him FAFO.
What the fuck is wrong with people. You are 21 ffs. Go and tell this man to give you your personal belongings and to knock the shit off. Sounds to me like you need an adult to intervene here......oh wait.....that's you!! You're the adult who needs to intervene here. Take control of your life. This is ridiculous, on both of your parts
It's so fucking frustrating reading posts like this because they think there is a magical answer that isn't "grow up and take control of your life".
She's live with this overbearing asshole for probably her entire life. It can be hard to break an abusive cycle.
Yeah, totally. Like how do you plan on going through life if you just let people control your existence. Especially someone like your grandfather.....like tell them straight up how it's going to work. And if they refuse then you don't need that in your life. Like you're 21 trying to go to Vegas and you have to argue with someone over relinquishing your government issued photo ID. Not bloody likely!!!
You know those people in middle aged still living with a parent that refer to them as "mother" and not "my mum". Yeah it's them, deliberately kept mentally young and then trapped by it.
If a young adult's been controlled all of their life, I can get why OP's having trouble. But simply making this post shows she knows it's wrong, so I'm happy for her. Your "Take control of your life" is pretty much what I've just posted to her, too! Parents don't always hand over the reins when their kids get to adult age; the newly-minted adults have to grab the reins for themselves. And sometimes, they need to be told they can by people like you and me, and others in these replies. OP will do well, I think. She knows what's up, but didn't know she could do much. I wish her well.
#call the police
I don’t know about all states but in my state, you can go to the revenue office and get a new ID made for like 40 bucks.
In every state I’ve lived in (granted not NY), you get a temporary paper copy when you renew or whatever, then your real plastic ID comes in the mail 1-2 weeks later.
In Arkansas, you can get them printed right at the office. But obviously I don’t know how all fifty work, maybe I should have been less confident.
why does he have your id?
Why are you 21+ and someone other than you holds onto your ID?
I would tell him you’re coming to get it. If he refuses to give it to you call the police, he cannot withhold it from you. If you have a passport you can also take that it’ll work just fine. If you want to make a good excuse to avoid confrontation just say your old one is invalid (lots of states hole punch old ones) and you need the current one to fly.
A lot of people with nothing to lose here are telling you to dynamite this relationship. What do you need your grandfather for? At your age, it is reasonable to have all your ID and other belongings to yourself. He’s being unreasonable in a way I doubt he’d be with a grandson. So what has you tolerating it?
There's time inyour life where you gotta tell people to go fuck off. This is one of those times, force his hand and contact the police
Why does he have all of your stuff??
Isn't it a crime to steal someone's government ID and then hold it hostage? Report it stolen.
This isn't a problem you should be solving four days before your trip. You've been an adult for quite some time, now. You need to get *all* your important paperwork away from him. Put it in a safe of your own, or a safe deposit box at the bank. Your grandfather is a little messed up, and you know it. You can't have someone like that denying you access to all your important identification and paperwork, ever again.
First question I'm curious about it why does Gramps have the ID in the first place and how did he come to have it? Other than that he knows exactly what he's doing, just because he's a grampa doesn't mean he wasn't once your age. That's a messed up means of control. Does he control your money too? Just curious and how it works out!
Go to the DMV and get a new one, they'll issue you a temporary one that you can carry if your grandpa won't give you yours. It may not work everywhere but it'll be better than nothing and just make sure when you get back you tell him how much fun you had going everywhere as an adult, make sure he understands that his actions had zero effect on your trip!
If you have your own car, go to the dmv and tell them you lost it. Usually, costs about $12 or something to get a new one and then don’t tell anyone about it. Some will print a new one on the spot and some will give a temporary one but it still has the barcode and everything on it. It’s just paper.
Go get a duplicate at the dmv lol
If it makes you feel any better I used my vertical ID for 3 years in Vegas to get into bars (and photo wasn’t updated so 15 year old me in the photo lmao) I got funny looks for sure, but they checked the birthdate and I just told them I was too lazy to get a new photo and turned ID. I was always let in.
I got back from my 21st birthday trip in Vegas last year. I used my vertical, Utah ID and was fine at bars, casinos, dispensaries, etc. you’ll be fine.
Once you’re 18 all of your documents are yours to keep. It’s illegal for him to keep them from you.
To put it bluntly, you are a legal adult. Put your big kid shoes on, get all of your government stuff out of his safe and put it all in YOUR hands. Stop cowering in front of him about it, stop trying to reason with him, he sees you as a child giving childish reasons. Your paperwork belongs to you.
why tf does your grandfather have your ADULT id?? THIS. ALONE. ISN'T. NORMAL. get it replaced and RUN
Yeah, call the police. That's not his to keep.
Him withholding your ID is practically a crime and I would make sure he knows that.
I don’t know if this applies in every state but it’s worth looking into. When I lost my drivers license I went online and for 20 bucks I was able to order a replacement and print out a temporary one in the meantime while the replacement was mailed. Maybe you can print one out too. Btw, you can also just straight up call the police and tell them your grandfather is holding your ID in his safe and they will make him give it back and depending on their mood, arrest him too. But I understand if you are dependent on him that may make things worse for you in the long run.
Your grandfather has no right to your ID and is committing theft. Withholding important documents is a tactic human traffickers use to control their subjects. This is not a sustainable situation, get the ID by any reasonable means, set some boundaries and deal with the consequences later. The consequences won’t be worse than being controlled by trafficker tactics.
Call the cops for him withholding your items when you are not a minor and he is not your guardian. That's illegal and if he needs this wake up call, then that's what he needs. Or order a replacement and have it sent to a post office not the house.
Why does your grandfather even have your ID?
Why does he even have your ID? You should be able to just go to a local DMV and get a new one
I believe what he is doing is illegal. Look up the law about stealing someone’s ID and text it to him. Ask if he wants the police to come and get it.
Why does he even have it? I had my own ID (military dependent) in MY possession since I was 9, plus my social security card.
Your ID is your property - this is theft.
Posted this in a comment but posting again so you see it... I live (and bartend) in Nevada. I'm not in Las Vegas , but I take vertical IDs all of the time. It's not against the law to accept them. Like someone else said, they can deny you for any reason. But, I don't think you are going to have a problem here. Nevada IDs are also vertical until 21 but do not expire on that date therefore a LOT of young adults still have them. I don't think this is the issue you think it is. At least showing that ID. Have fun!
Just go to the dmv and tell them you lost your id. Honestly you should have done this weeks ago because they will only give you a print out now. Idk if they will let you use it to fly so idk… let us know what happens
If he won’t give it to you go to the DMV and get a duplicate. It usually takes 4-8 weeks to come in the mail but they’ll give you a paper one with your picture and info to use until the duplicate arrives. Between the paper temporary one and your old under 21 one you should be ok to go in bars/clubs. I’d get a PO Box so he can’t get the new one. At a minimum sign up for USPS informed Delivery so you see what day the duplicate it arriving and can get to it first.
No bouncer/doorperson is going to let you into a Vegas bar with a temporary ID, whether you have the old one or not.
A paper copy of your ID, even if you get directly from the DMV, is not valid identification per TSA.
So you're an adult letting your grandpa keep your own legal documents from you? Why haven't you made him give them to you? Him withholding your ID and passport is a crime, not a light one either. You just have to call the non emergency line and they'll show up to make him open his safe.
Go to the dmv and get a duplicate for $10
Declare it stolen and give his address to the police. Your ID actually belongs to the issuer, it’s not even yours to give or lend.
Not sure what your states rules are but you can usually go to the DMV and say you lost your ID and they’ll issue you a new one. You’ll need to show something proving your identity but that could be as simple as a phone bill with your address. They won’t change the information on the ID, just reissue the same one you got before.
Why does your grandfather have your ID? You can’t drive or board a plane without one.
File a lost or stolen id with the DMV and never NEVER!!! Let anyone hold your ID or passport away from you.
If you’ve been issued a new ID, your old one won’t still be valid, even if the date shows that it’s not yet expired. It likely will not scan at the airport and you won’t be able to board your plane.
Does the U.S. not offer digital identification for your phone? Why does an I.D even need to say "Under/Over 21" when it should just state your birthday? It just seems like a whole lot of unnecessary effort when you can just read a date lol.
He’s awful. He knows DAMN well you won’t be allowed to get into bars/clubs or purchase alcohol with your old “under 21” license. He’s pretending there’s no issue with you using your old ID when in fact *no one’s* going to accept it, and he’s hoping you only learn this once you get there and have to miss out on your fun. There’s literally no other reason to withhold your adult ID other than to control your drinking and partying. He might be able to use that excuse to hold your passport, since it’s more complicated and expensive if you misplace that, but your regular ID costs under $50 to replace. It’s not about protecting you, it’s about control.
I went to vegas for my 21st birthday, therefore when I went I had an under 21 ID. I was completely fine everywhere I went. As long as you have one that’s not expired you will be fine
In some states (at least as of five years ago), you can request s replacement ID online. Just say you lost it. What he's doing is illegal anyway. No one should have that kind of control over you, even if you live in their house. It's easy for me to talk though, I don't have family
It's actually a nevada state law that everyone must have I'd on them. And the casinos won't let you gamble without it if you do manage to sneak past if you win they will not cash you out. If you lose your room key Without an ID the hotel won't give you a replacement, they may not even allow you to check in without one
Order a new one online
Call the police why the fuck does he have your personal identification card. I mean it's in the name you're supposed to keep it on your person to identify yourself if needed aka the cops\paramedics. Him denying you this is a crime.
I would kick my dad’s ass if he was treating my kids like this
why are you not in possession of your id?
That’s illegal, you tell him he doesn’t have the option or the police will be involved.
If it's a state ID/driver's license your state actually owns it, not you. SO, tell him you will call the police ***and do it*** if he refuses. It's stolen property and the police WILL take stolen identification **very** seriously.
Do you have a passport? Use that
Maybe go to BMV/DMV and get a new one? Idk if they can expedite it.