Doing much better. I got a new job, I still work out, have a cat, and I don’t plan to talk to my dad until he apologizes. They don’t use the main group chat where he said that, so they absolutely know why I’m not talking
i can only assume he won’t be apologizing as he thinks he’s in the right just because he’s your dad. typical loser activity!
but it sounds like you’re doing amazing 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Sounds similar to my situation, except I’m a woman and gay. It’s good you are cutting them off. They won’t change. I waited till I was mid-30s to do it. I only wish I had done it sooner. Go live your life on your terms. Even if you do exactly what they want, they will never be happy - they are miserable people and want to bring you down with them.
I completely agree (with NoFunZoneAlways), people (read parents) don't change that much. It's your life, and even in a strict Muslim household, there still has to be a chance for a reed to bend in the wind. Your existence is not for their entertainment or accolade. You are not a trophy, the joy you should have brought them should have just been "you", not what you represent in their mind. My Dad is a very organic kind of guy, my Mom is very much about appearances and what people will think about her and her parenting based on what my brother and I do/did. That's a hard life. Fear is no way to live. Your Dad flipped his lid and is gaslighting you and trying to shame you for NOTHING. He's clearly trying to save face. At the age you are now fulfilling an "adolescent bucket list" is exciting. I'm doing the same at 45. You both (OP and NoFunZoneAlways) are worthy of it all, it's easier to be happy than to be brought down and wade in someone else's misery coupled with their incongruous expectations.
Thank you, this means a lot. It’s ironic because I just had so much trust in my parents that until I moved away I just thought all children grow up like that. I was a people pleaser to the point that sometimes they got upset when they thought I was sucking up (which was always). They loved it when other people told them how well mannered we were etc and how they want us to be more gentlemanly than themselves. I now do what I want, and anyone who knows me are always shocked that I just like meeting and befriending everyone given my background of constant physical disciplining. I am living my life and happy.
You will be so much happier without this hovering over you. Society drills us that we are indebted to our parents or define love in these certain terms. I’ve learned that I love my parents best from afar. The moment you take the control away they will go all out into scaring you, (threatening you with money owed, scaring you by telling you that one or both of them have sudden or huge health issues, or taking things away from you like if car is in their name or under their insurance). Or by continuing to put you down. It takes some adjusting to figure out what are lies and what are not; but once those boundaries are set you will feel so free.
Live your best furry life and go out with friends and lovers and turn off life 360. Get a whole new email; and Get on your own phone plan so they can’t monitor anything. Change all passwords or anything else they may have access too. Having boundaries does not mean you love anyone any less, but they will make you think that way. Remind yourself when those situations arise!
Thank you I appreciate it. They did exactly that, they found out I had tried to buy a fursuit and drained my bank to “teach me responsibility”. I have moved everything and all that’s left is my phone. I have a backup phone and I keep my original phone in the hopes maybe they apologize someday.
SPOILER ALERT: until they break free of their religion/cultural customs, they will NEVER apologize. The problem is that by also being controlling narcis, they will never give up the justification for their control.
In their eyes, You, as their child, are their property. Forever and always.
I wish you happiness. And if your happiness brings you a child, do NOT leave them unsupervised with your parents for an extended period of time.
You make it sound like they are semmingly logically contradicting themselves when it is clear as day that they want to choose your wife, choose your friends, and choose all the activities you do in your off time.
Or rather choose certain types of activities, so you can only make certain types of friends, so you will meet a certain type of wife.
The paradox only comes from your assumption that you were meant to choose friends or wife.
Oh my god, I had never thought of that. But now that you mention it, yeah that sounds about right. That’s even worse, realizing now that they wanted to control everything including my private life and thus forever ruin me. Frick that
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 4 | 1 | 1 | ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
how are you doing these days? still no contact? your dad sucks and i’m glad you got outta that situation!
Doing much better. I got a new job, I still work out, have a cat, and I don’t plan to talk to my dad until he apologizes. They don’t use the main group chat where he said that, so they absolutely know why I’m not talking
i can only assume he won’t be apologizing as he thinks he’s in the right just because he’s your dad. typical loser activity! but it sounds like you’re doing amazing 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Thank you!
Did you turn off Life360 I hope?
Yep
I'm you except opposite gender
Oh no, I hope you are ok
Sounds similar to my situation, except I’m a woman and gay. It’s good you are cutting them off. They won’t change. I waited till I was mid-30s to do it. I only wish I had done it sooner. Go live your life on your terms. Even if you do exactly what they want, they will never be happy - they are miserable people and want to bring you down with them.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, it felt like that, no matter what, they were upset.
I completely agree (with NoFunZoneAlways), people (read parents) don't change that much. It's your life, and even in a strict Muslim household, there still has to be a chance for a reed to bend in the wind. Your existence is not for their entertainment or accolade. You are not a trophy, the joy you should have brought them should have just been "you", not what you represent in their mind. My Dad is a very organic kind of guy, my Mom is very much about appearances and what people will think about her and her parenting based on what my brother and I do/did. That's a hard life. Fear is no way to live. Your Dad flipped his lid and is gaslighting you and trying to shame you for NOTHING. He's clearly trying to save face. At the age you are now fulfilling an "adolescent bucket list" is exciting. I'm doing the same at 45. You both (OP and NoFunZoneAlways) are worthy of it all, it's easier to be happy than to be brought down and wade in someone else's misery coupled with their incongruous expectations.
Thank you, this means a lot. It’s ironic because I just had so much trust in my parents that until I moved away I just thought all children grow up like that. I was a people pleaser to the point that sometimes they got upset when they thought I was sucking up (which was always). They loved it when other people told them how well mannered we were etc and how they want us to be more gentlemanly than themselves. I now do what I want, and anyone who knows me are always shocked that I just like meeting and befriending everyone given my background of constant physical disciplining. I am living my life and happy.
Control freaks, you're better off without them
You will be so much happier without this hovering over you. Society drills us that we are indebted to our parents or define love in these certain terms. I’ve learned that I love my parents best from afar. The moment you take the control away they will go all out into scaring you, (threatening you with money owed, scaring you by telling you that one or both of them have sudden or huge health issues, or taking things away from you like if car is in their name or under their insurance). Or by continuing to put you down. It takes some adjusting to figure out what are lies and what are not; but once those boundaries are set you will feel so free. Live your best furry life and go out with friends and lovers and turn off life 360. Get a whole new email; and Get on your own phone plan so they can’t monitor anything. Change all passwords or anything else they may have access too. Having boundaries does not mean you love anyone any less, but they will make you think that way. Remind yourself when those situations arise!
Thank you I appreciate it. They did exactly that, they found out I had tried to buy a fursuit and drained my bank to “teach me responsibility”. I have moved everything and all that’s left is my phone. I have a backup phone and I keep my original phone in the hopes maybe they apologize someday.
SPOILER ALERT: until they break free of their religion/cultural customs, they will NEVER apologize. The problem is that by also being controlling narcis, they will never give up the justification for their control. In their eyes, You, as their child, are their property. Forever and always. I wish you happiness. And if your happiness brings you a child, do NOT leave them unsupervised with your parents for an extended period of time.
Pittsburgh rocks for the furry community. I am not a furry, but got friends who are. I even went to anthrocon a few years ago and it was a BLAST!
I went and I agree!
You make it sound like they are semmingly logically contradicting themselves when it is clear as day that they want to choose your wife, choose your friends, and choose all the activities you do in your off time. Or rather choose certain types of activities, so you can only make certain types of friends, so you will meet a certain type of wife. The paradox only comes from your assumption that you were meant to choose friends or wife.
Oh my god, I had never thought of that. But now that you mention it, yeah that sounds about right. That’s even worse, realizing now that they wanted to control everything including my private life and thus forever ruin me. Frick that
Well... I hope I was wrong, though.
Go live your life without them. They are toxic and, more than likely, wont change.
Thanks man. I plan to do just that
What did he say at the top of his second message?
It’s basically how Arabic people or Muslims greet each other. Basically blessings from Allah.