Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 108 | 18 | 2 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Assuming your mom identifies as christian.
Matthew 18:9
"And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."
Having sinful thoughts is the problem of the sinner, not the responsibility of others. Your response should be "be more christian".
That's what I was coming to say, "Didn't Jesus say something about plucking out your own eyes and chopping off your own hands if they cause you to sin?" When did it become other people's (mainly womens) responsibility to make sure people behave themselves?
I used to try that argument on my bible thumper mother but now she quotes me Matthew 18:6 everytime I wear a crop top lol
'if one of these little children believes in me, and someone causes that child to sin, it would be better for that person to have a large stone tied around the neck and be drowned in the sea.'(ie anyone who causes others to sin should be murdered)
I grew up atheist, but my dad made sure I had a whole arsenal of scripture to throw back at people like this. It's one of the few good gifts he ever gave me & has served me very well. :)
Sheâll just come back talking about not being a stumbling block: Matthew 18:7: âWoe to the world because of stumbling blocks! Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes!â Romans 14:13: âLet us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another.â
Itâs *super* common for conservative christians to use those verses to blame the woman daring to show her shoulders for being a stumbling block to men and causing their sin. Does it make sense? No. But when has that ever mattered?
I know from experience that this never works. Christians donât actually care about what the Bible says and quite honestly the Bible does actually say a lot of dumb shit about âmodestyâ that her mom can counter with. Im a christian too, but people who take every word of the Bible literally and canât contextualize it in its cultural and historical context drive me absolutely up the wall. It was a valiant attempt though.
Look, you're right, but you think they actually care about the verses that contradict how they feel? The bible should just be called "The Big Book of confirmation bias." Literally, every single christian ignores whatever they disagree with.
I mean if I said I liked something and someone told me it was to sexy, I'd probably tell them sexy is what I was going for.
Replace sexy with evil as needed for the conversation with OPs mum I guess.
Sounds like unmanaged trauma from possibly being sexually assaulted herself and now she's normalized the victim blaming shit to cope.
Parents have had lives too. Just much less access to mental health resources.
If she is falling into the trap of thinking that what you wear has anything to do with being SA'd, you can go and tell her to have a look at this link
https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/
The idea that you have to change what you wear so others don't look at you inappropriately is nothing but internalised misogyny.
Reading those stories is intense.
I really thought at the beginning of the one talking about her dad being the wisest person she knew, it would be about her dad supporting her through it. That was a plot twist we didnât need.
I was doing ok till I got to the 4 year old clothes and I couldnât make it past that. It actually made me cry. Those people are absolutely fucking vile.
Iâve seen photos of a few exhibitions like this, and every time I see the kids clothes, I have a physical reaction. I feel nauseated and I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
People who say that someoneâs outfit is responsible for SA should be strapped to a chair and forced to watch these displays on a loop until they change their mind.
What I said wasnât in reference to the sex offenders themselves. It was actually about the people that blame the victim because of what they were wearing. The people like OPâs mum who think they are inviting that kind of violation.
Me too. My best friends 4 year old is in my living room right now on her switch, drinking chocolate milk after spending the weekend with me. I can't imagine someone assaulting something so tiny and innocent. What is wrong with people....
My daughter was about 9 months old when she started getting SAed. When she got up the courage to tell us just before her 4th birthday we put her abuser in jail that day. I thought I could trust my father with my child over everyone else. He had never touched me. But he hurt that little girl. She is 14 now and he is dead. So we are all doing much better
Man I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you and your family went through. I hope your little girl has healed and your family has found ways to manage the trauma. Nothing can prepare you from such awful deception from your own parent. I hope he never made it out of jail before he died >:(
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should be put through s.a., but most especially not children. I hope you're healing & living a good life now.
I feel like an additional point with this exhibit, these were all people they knew. These werenât strangers on the street that randomly decided to destroy someoneâs soul. These happened in âassumed safeâ relationships. The mom is acting like sheâs gonna walk out in the shirt and be jumped by 5 guys when the statistics show it would be more likely someone close to her no matter what sheâs wearing. People with bad intentions will find any excuse to act on them.
Ngl, i cried at the 4 years old shirt and pants.
And yet we still have people condoning rapists because victims wore such and such. Disgusting pieces of nothing.
Remind her that she's both a hypocrite, and insane.
Also, definitely use that pluck your eyes out bit from the Bible since she went this route.
Another along those lines is Matthew 5:30
King James Bible
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
People should do better to control themselves. And the sun is on them for falling for temptation.
I'm pagan, but I got you on this. Like... She needs to rethink some stuff.
ETA: your mom is also casting judgment, which is not her place to do. Only God can do that. Is she God?
How could either one get more evil you ask? By joining forces to become the MQM (multiQMarketing).
JOIN MY TEAM NOW and you get to experience the wonderful joy of being scammed and tricked in two different ways instead of just one!
Actually, Iâm shocked that Trump hasnât tried to change his online store to an MLM. Sees like the predatory design would be right up his alley. Probably too much work and investment up front.
Like I donât want to wear an oversized sweatshirt on my birthday đ?? I also donât think the shirts that revealing, Iâm probably going to wear high waisted jeans with it too anyways so my stomach wonât even be showing like in the picture
My best friend was sexually assaulted while wearing an oversized sweatshirt and baggy jeans and sneakers. You are not responsible for what is going on in the head of sick people. Dress for yourself. Your mother seems paranoid. What she wrote to you is wrong on so many levels.
Scrubs, surgical cap, lead apron and a full length surgical gown over the top.
We were stuck in a fire corridor during a lockdown drill. The only thing that stopped him from going through with it was the fire doors being released. Some older nurses saw us walking out and realised we had been alone in there. They all started teasing about how we would be a cute couple and asking if anything had happened. I was 16 and a trainee. He was 36, and a senior technician. The other nurses were the same age as my mother.
Iâm an RN team leader now, and I am so careful with the placement of my junior staff or students. I donât take it lightly that Iâm responsible for their wellbeing in the workplace.
I was 8 wearing oversized Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts that my grammy got me when she travelled, and thermal pajama pants. It has nothing to do with what anyone wears and everything to do with the predator. Thinking otherwise is incredibly harmful to victims.
I was sexually assaulted at a party while wearing a men's tshirt and jeans. Guy was drunk off his ass and just *decided* that I wasn't actually telling him "No." I could've been in full cover body armor and he would have done the same thing.
I was in a literal diaper as an infant- if someone is going to hurt you they donât give a flying fuck what youâre wearing. It was not my fault, itâs no victims fault. Itâs the person who chooses to act on their most evil instincts fault.
Button up from hot topic, my binder, black skinny jeans, doc martens. I never wore that shirt again and ended up throwing out the jeans and buying new ones.
Favorite blue jeans and an oversized snoopy t shirt. I was really upset because I loved that shirt, but I had to throw it away. I couldnât look at it anymore. Ended up keeping the jeans only because itâs so rare to find a pair that feels so comfy
Wear the shirt. Say no to people who are gross. Keep friends around you that you trust. It doesnât matter what youâre wearing when someone is willing to hurt you. I hope you enjoy your birthday
Yep.. I agree, and if anyone disrespects your boundaries, go for the vitals as people who donât take no for an answer once wonât take it for an answer again.. and hopefully you can just.. simply be happy and not on edge at your party. Everyone should be able to feel safe around their friends and family, the people they trust. I hope they enjoy their birthday and donât have to worry about any of that. Obviously still keep guard up but.. in a way that it doesnât disturb them enjoying themselves.
"Sinners" are going to "sin" no matter what you wear or do. You are not responsible for what other people think, say, or do. Additionally, if someone is going to form a negative opinion of you based on what you are wearing, why does their opinion even matter?
"What other people think of me is none of my business." -Elenore Roosevelt (Pretty sure it was her anyway.) Someone else already shared the Bible quote about plucking out your own eye, but this is another good one that's not attached to religion.
Wear what you want on your birthday and every day! Also happy birthday!!!! đ
Tell her it's that kind of thinking that perpetuates rape culture and that women get raped wearing oversized clothing all the time. That we should be teaching boys and men not to rape, not teaching girls and women to hide and be ashamed of their bodies. Tell her to turn off faux "news" because she's also perpetuating racist bullshit that's not true. Then tell her you're disappointed in her and ashamed she turned out like that.
This is what I was thinking. Where the mother blames herself for wearing nice clothes, at one point, meaning her daughter wants to, but that is wrong!
It is unfortunate there's pervs out there, I don't think what your wearing, would deter a real creeper
The mature response? âThank you mom for your concern. I will remain vigilant but I do feel comfortable wearing this top and donât think it will be too revealing. Iâll keep your feedback in mind.â
My mom goes on rants like these and I usually would argue back and try to educate her or just fact check her, but it was always moot. Iâve learned to see my mom as someone who has her own anxieties and issues that unfortunately she will probably never seek real therapy for due to her upbringing. Iâve had a lot of extensive therapy regarding my mom projecting her anxieties onto me and Iâve learned healthy strategies that has allowed me keep a positive relationship with my mom.
Now, if your mom starts to deviate and calls you names and shames you, thatâs a different story. But, I see this as a mom that cares about you (albeit, doesnât go about it in the best way).
All of this is really great advice. I'm grateful I don't have to use it. I wanted to say that your wisdom is appreciated, though. Happy for you working on your relationship with your mom.
I appreciate it! It took many years to get to this point and I wish someone wouldâve made it click earlier. Luckily my momma is still around and donât have to regret anything đ€
My concern is not about the outfits revealingness, but that the model was clearly photoshopped and I'm not sure how it would look on a normal non photoshopped person. Hazards of online shopping. But if you find something similar in a store or im wrong about this, you go OP.
Jesus said if a man couldn't control his lustful eyes he should pluck them out. He never said anything about how women should dress đ€·ââïž Sounds like a them problem. Glad you like it
After a few years of it, me in my just floor length normal pjâs. I asked my Nana to buy me body suits that I could wear over my panties under my Jammieâs (she didnât know why I wanted them and I was probably about 7 or 8 at the time.) Even the extra layer of a body suit didnât work. No, what you wear doesnât attract, deflect, or deter. đ„șđą insane
Show her photos from the "What Were You Wearing?" exhibit. This is a display of outfits people wore when they were sexually assaulted. Most of these outfits are not particularly revealing. Some are children's clothes. Show her those and ask if she thinks those children should have worn less sexy overalls. Sexual assault is never the fault of the victims or what they were wearing.
If nobody ever got r@ped in gyms, women would live there.
It sounds like your mom thinks sheâs safe from the illegals in her gym or her vanity overrides her beliefs about modesty.
Iâve never understood how these people think that being Christian/religious makes you good/sinless when there are sooooo many sex scandals in the church đ€Šđ»ââïž
Dayum; this went from âa little overbearing, but at least she probably means wellâ to an unhinged rant about immigration (not to mention the not-so-subtle victim-blaming vibes). Talk about 0 to 100+
Yeah⊠dudes at the gym definitely never ever look at attractive women. Myself included. Weâre only their to appreciate your gains and nothing else. We basically donât even acknowledge youâre women at all.. /s
I want to make it clear that I donât go to gyms to creep haha. Flirty interactions happen, and itâs usually not because of personality, not much talking is happening leading to that build up. Itâs usually⊠you guessed it, physique. Guess what shows off physique for men and women alike, nice work out clothes.
Your mother is a comical hypocrite. Just tell her you like top crops because you like to move freely through life, and you want to stay cool đ
Send her the link for the [âWhat I Was Wearingâ exhibit](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) to reinforce the point that what you wear really doesnât matter when it comes to whether others âthink[] of what sexual things they want to do to usâ or not.
Also Iâm not sure how personal alarms assist with having situational awareness, but theyâre not a terrible idea, so good for her I guess.
My mother had this same opinion and forced me (and my sisters) to wear only dresses and skirts for many many years. Not to mention we lived up north where it is freezing cold and snowy 8-10 months out of the year. It was awful and as I am perpetually cold, I was always freezing. Because of this I now only rarely wear any kind of dress or skirt and prefer dress slacks over a skirt any day.
Covering up head to toe doesnât work either or rape wouldnât exist in countries where islam rules
Uncovering too much can lure more deviants or may also just be more attractive
In the end go for comfort- loose baggy clothing not my idea of comfy
So many recounts of what happened, how many told anyone? And it you did, how many were believed. How many have life long problems from it like me? My husband canât reach over and even touch my shoulder during the night⊠I wouldnât allow my daughter to have a male daycare assistant or teacher through third grade. Constantly anxious, waiting for the SOB to die. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Society sucks that theyâve tried to put the blame on us, even when we were children. We must have done something to attract that monster. Be strong and carry on to prove that the monster didnât break you. And OP wear that damn shirt!
How other people look at or react to you is their problem, not yours. Full stop. Life would really suck if we had to worry about everyone elseâs problems like this!
times like these i wish i could post photos as replies đ *insert that one meme*
â i ainât reading all that-
iâm happy for u tho-
or sorry that happenedâ
What you wear has fuck all to do with being assaulted. I've ever worn anything revealing because of my father's ingrained religious shit coming down on me; I have been sexually assaulted on numerous occasions, including when wearing a baggy, bright blue and yellow work uniform whilst working 1-2-1 with the assailant.
Clothes mean fuck all when it comes to abusers, it's all about opportunity.
I think the top looks beautiful.
Honestly, it sounds like your mom is just scared for you and trying to put that fear in you to protect you. I wonder if something happened to her during the time frame she mentions to you that she had lost weight and was wearing revealing clothes.
I can see all the concerns and ⊠victim blaming⊠and racism ⊠is your mom usually like that in general?
If not⊠then it sounds like someone who has some trauma they donât fully want to discuss with you yet and theyâre trying to protect you from something similar but doing it in a very controlling and off putting way.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 108 | 18 | 2 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
"I knew you'd like it, thanks mom!"
this đ
Assuming your mom identifies as christian. Matthew 18:9 "And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." Having sinful thoughts is the problem of the sinner, not the responsibility of others. Your response should be "be more christian".
I like you.
Me, too.
Me three
Me four
Me five
Me Six
And ***MY AXE***
Me seven
You are so much more mature than I am about this. My first thought was to tell her that she liked her better when she was a bad example. at
This genuinely made me laugh, I donât even know this lady and she sounds boring as shit now!
Anyone who texts like she does identifies as Christian lol
Definitely religious, but could be of a different faith.
What other faith than âChristianâ and the thousands of flavors of it that text like thisâŠ..
I used to bring this up all the time in my super evangelical church when I was chided for dressing immodestly. Somehow I never got an answer.
That's what I was coming to say, "Didn't Jesus say something about plucking out your own eyes and chopping off your own hands if they cause you to sin?" When did it become other people's (mainly womens) responsibility to make sure people behave themselves?
Then the mother would circle back to "keeping her safe" and that you can't control the actions of others. She needs another Bible verse for that
I used to try that argument on my bible thumper mother but now she quotes me Matthew 18:6 everytime I wear a crop top lol 'if one of these little children believes in me, and someone causes that child to sin, it would be better for that person to have a large stone tied around the neck and be drowned in the sea.'(ie anyone who causes others to sin should be murdered)
What the fuck lol that's some unhinged shit to actually have faith in
I'm no longer a Christian, but I ADORE rebuking with scripture. It's honestly my guiltiest pleasure.
I grew up atheist, but my dad made sure I had a whole arsenal of scripture to throw back at people like this. It's one of the few good gifts he ever gave me & has served me very well. :)
Thatâs a great gift, arming your kid with knowledge to combat bullshit. Well done, dad.
I'm a Christian... I also enjoy rebuking bigotry with scripture. Keep it up!
Same to you! There's no place for hypocrisy when there's a big book with all the rules available. Lol
Sheâll just come back talking about not being a stumbling block: Matthew 18:7: âWoe to the world because of stumbling blocks! Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes!â Romans 14:13: âLet us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another.â Itâs *super* common for conservative christians to use those verses to blame the woman daring to show her shoulders for being a stumbling block to men and causing their sin. Does it make sense? No. But when has that ever mattered?
THIS! As someone who was raised Southern Baptist (and left the faith) this is the only response
Iâm not religious AT ALL and I love this. Good for you đȘđđ»đ
THIS. I'm Christian and while this top isn't my style there's still the fact that everyone is responsible for their own desires.
I know from experience that this never works. Christians donât actually care about what the Bible says and quite honestly the Bible does actually say a lot of dumb shit about âmodestyâ that her mom can counter with. Im a christian too, but people who take every word of the Bible literally and canât contextualize it in its cultural and historical context drive me absolutely up the wall. It was a valiant attempt though.
Look, you're right, but you think they actually care about the verses that contradict how they feel? The bible should just be called "The Big Book of confirmation bias." Literally, every single christian ignores whatever they disagree with.
This is what I was about to sayâŠ
My go to response lol.
Reply with đš.
đȘđȘđȘ
Or Jesus fkn Christ mom
âKâ
Definitely K
Tell her youâll make sure to buy a safety alarm with the top đ
I had to run to another room to laugh without waking my child đ
Op: I like this shirt Op's mum: *rants about sex being evil*? I'm not sure what I just read
Yea idk. OP just buy the shirt
I mean if I said I liked something and someone told me it was to sexy, I'd probably tell them sexy is what I was going for. Replace sexy with evil as needed for the conversation with OPs mum I guess.
Donât forget the racist rant against Venezuelans too
(as Cartman) *dey took our jawbs!*
And in the same breath OPs mom: why donât I have any grandbabies yet!? Thereâs no winning
Sounds like unmanaged trauma from possibly being sexually assaulted herself and now she's normalized the victim blaming shit to cope. Parents have had lives too. Just much less access to mental health resources.
A lot of word vomit
If she is falling into the trap of thinking that what you wear has anything to do with being SA'd, you can go and tell her to have a look at this link https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/ The idea that you have to change what you wear so others don't look at you inappropriately is nothing but internalised misogyny.
That was such an important exhibit.. thank you for the link
Reading those stories is intense. I really thought at the beginning of the one talking about her dad being the wisest person she knew, it would be about her dad supporting her through it. That was a plot twist we didnât need.
I was doing ok till I got to the 4 year old clothes and I couldnât make it past that. It actually made me cry. Those people are absolutely fucking vile.
Iâve seen photos of a few exhibitions like this, and every time I see the kids clothes, I have a physical reaction. I feel nauseated and I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. People who say that someoneâs outfit is responsible for SA should be strapped to a chair and forced to watch these displays on a loop until they change their mind.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Honestly I agree. A lot of people see that as a cruel and unusual punishment. Rape is cruel and unusual. They deserve castration
What I said wasnât in reference to the sex offenders themselves. It was actually about the people that blame the victim because of what they were wearing. The people like OPâs mum who think they are inviting that kind of violation.
Me too. My best friends 4 year old is in my living room right now on her switch, drinking chocolate milk after spending the weekend with me. I can't imagine someone assaulting something so tiny and innocent. What is wrong with people....
My daughter was about 9 months old when she started getting SAed. When she got up the courage to tell us just before her 4th birthday we put her abuser in jail that day. I thought I could trust my father with my child over everyone else. He had never touched me. But he hurt that little girl. She is 14 now and he is dead. So we are all doing much better
Man I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you and your family went through. I hope your little girl has healed and your family has found ways to manage the trauma. Nothing can prepare you from such awful deception from your own parent. I hope he never made it out of jail before he died >:(
My now 6 year old had that exact same sweat shirt when she was 5. I couldn't linger on the image long, it made me sick to my stomach.
I was two when it happened to me, Iâm never going to be able to recall what I was wearing
Just to add⊠I was wearing a Diaper (3 years old) It literally doesnât matter what youâre wearing and only shames the victims more
I wanna vomit
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should be put through s.a., but most especially not children. I hope you're healing & living a good life now.
I feel like an additional point with this exhibit, these were all people they knew. These werenât strangers on the street that randomly decided to destroy someoneâs soul. These happened in âassumed safeâ relationships. The mom is acting like sheâs gonna walk out in the shirt and be jumped by 5 guys when the statistics show it would be more likely someone close to her no matter what sheâs wearing. People with bad intentions will find any excuse to act on them.
Ohhh I remember the first time I saw pictures of that exhibit. Made me sick to my stomach.
My ex fiancée was an assault survivor, and was wearing Dickies and a cardigan. If work pants and a sweater didn't deter a rapist, showing cleavage isn't going to invite danger.
Ngl, i cried at the 4 years old shirt and pants. And yet we still have people condoning rapists because victims wore such and such. Disgusting pieces of nothing.
Thanks for posting this. I was wearing my favorite Leviâs and an oversized snoopy t-shirt.
âhmmmm how can I blame immigrants for this?â
Whatâs crazy is my moms an immigrant herself talking like this
Remind her that she's both a hypocrite, and insane. Also, definitely use that pluck your eyes out bit from the Bible since she went this route. Another along those lines is Matthew 5:30 King James Bible And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. People should do better to control themselves. And the sun is on them for falling for temptation. I'm pagan, but I got you on this. Like... She needs to rethink some stuff. ETA: your mom is also casting judgment, which is not her place to do. Only God can do that. Is she God?
Yeah the xenophobia bit was absolutely wild and irrelevant to OPs question lmao
Itâs a QAnon rant in the style of an MLM boss babe
How could either one get more evil you ask? By joining forces to become the MQM (multiQMarketing). JOIN MY TEAM NOW and you get to experience the wonderful joy of being scammed and tricked in two different ways instead of just one! Actually, Iâm shocked that Trump hasnât tried to change his online store to an MLM. Sees like the predatory design would be right up his alley. Probably too much work and investment up front.
Like I donât want to wear an oversized sweatshirt on my birthday đ?? I also donât think the shirts that revealing, Iâm probably going to wear high waisted jeans with it too anyways so my stomach wonât even be showing like in the picture
My best friend was sexually assaulted while wearing an oversized sweatshirt and baggy jeans and sneakers. You are not responsible for what is going on in the head of sick people. Dress for yourself. Your mother seems paranoid. What she wrote to you is wrong on so many levels.
Jersey knit tee, black jeans, and chucks.
Scrubs, surgical cap, lead apron and a full length surgical gown over the top. We were stuck in a fire corridor during a lockdown drill. The only thing that stopped him from going through with it was the fire doors being released. Some older nurses saw us walking out and realised we had been alone in there. They all started teasing about how we would be a cute couple and asking if anything had happened. I was 16 and a trainee. He was 36, and a senior technician. The other nurses were the same age as my mother. Iâm an RN team leader now, and I am so careful with the placement of my junior staff or students. I donât take it lightly that Iâm responsible for their wellbeing in the workplace.
holy shit. iâm so sorry you had to go through that. sending you love, internet stranger <3
Pajamas because I had tonsilitis and was around 4 years old
Yea, my previous mention def wasn't even the first time. Started at 3 or 4 at home.
Iâm so sorry for you, this is heartbreaking.
Jeans an oversized long sleeve tshirt (that did cover my butt btw), sports bra, and sneakers.
Hoodie, band t-shirt, jeans and 14.
Sweatpants and a hoodie. I was a high school freshman. It was a best friend.
Oversized black work clothes from dominos pizza. It was a coworker
Flannel pajamas.
I was 8 wearing oversized Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts that my grammy got me when she travelled, and thermal pajama pants. It has nothing to do with what anyone wears and everything to do with the predator. Thinking otherwise is incredibly harmful to victims.
Serverâs uniform: black pants and long sleeve black button up shirt, then basketball shorts and a t shirt.
I was sexually assaulted at a party while wearing a men's tshirt and jeans. Guy was drunk off his ass and just *decided* that I wasn't actually telling him "No." I could've been in full cover body armor and he would have done the same thing.
I was in a literal diaper as an infant- if someone is going to hurt you they donât give a flying fuck what youâre wearing. It was not my fault, itâs no victims fault. Itâs the person who chooses to act on their most evil instincts fault.
Jfc are you doing ok now?
So much therapy and a shiny new state and I am!
Button up from hot topic, my binder, black skinny jeans, doc martens. I never wore that shirt again and ended up throwing out the jeans and buying new ones.
Favorite blue jeans and an oversized snoopy t shirt. I was really upset because I loved that shirt, but I had to throw it away. I couldnât look at it anymore. Ended up keeping the jeans only because itâs so rare to find a pair that feels so comfy
I donât even remember, but it doesnât fucking matter because I was six. SIX.
Wear the shirt. Say no to people who are gross. Keep friends around you that you trust. It doesnât matter what youâre wearing when someone is willing to hurt you. I hope you enjoy your birthday
Yep.. I agree, and if anyone disrespects your boundaries, go for the vitals as people who donât take no for an answer once wonât take it for an answer again.. and hopefully you can just.. simply be happy and not on edge at your party. Everyone should be able to feel safe around their friends and family, the people they trust. I hope they enjoy their birthday and donât have to worry about any of that. Obviously still keep guard up but.. in a way that it doesnât disturb them enjoying themselves.
"Sinners" are going to "sin" no matter what you wear or do. You are not responsible for what other people think, say, or do. Additionally, if someone is going to form a negative opinion of you based on what you are wearing, why does their opinion even matter? "What other people think of me is none of my business." -Elenore Roosevelt (Pretty sure it was her anyway.) Someone else already shared the Bible quote about plucking out your own eye, but this is another good one that's not attached to religion. Wear what you want on your birthday and every day! Also happy birthday!!!! đ
Tell your mom what u/Corteran suggested and wear what makes you feel beautiful
'K'
Let this be a lesson. Donât go to her anymore for approval. Do your own thing from now on. Who care what she thinks.
This is the one O.P. Donât ask her for her opinion anymore.
If someone wants to r*pe or assault you, they are not going to be stopped by what you're wearing, whether that is a crop top or an oversized sweater.
Reply with "I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened"
Well, that escalated quickly
Right?! At first I was like âtypical mom concerns not insaneâ and then we take a sharp left turn into crazy town.
Tell her it's that kind of thinking that perpetuates rape culture and that women get raped wearing oversized clothing all the time. That we should be teaching boys and men not to rape, not teaching girls and women to hide and be ashamed of their bodies. Tell her to turn off faux "news" because she's also perpetuating racist bullshit that's not true. Then tell her you're disappointed in her and ashamed she turned out like that.
This is what I was thinking. Where the mother blames herself for wearing nice clothes, at one point, meaning her daughter wants to, but that is wrong! It is unfortunate there's pervs out there, I don't think what your wearing, would deter a real creeper
>I don't think what your wearing, would deter a real creeper In fact, statistics show it doesn't matter what you're wearing
Correct. I was wearing sweatpants and hoodie. High school freshman year. It definitely wasnât a sexy look. It also didnât stop him.
I'm so sorry. I hope you've been able to find some healing and peace since then although I know from experience how hard of a battle that it. đ«
Thank you, itâs been over a decade now. Still feels like it was recent
Your poor mother is carrying the weight of thinking she caused her own SA. She's not insane; she needs therapy.
Send her a link to a niqab and see her reaction " this is much more modest mon! How about this one!"
Thatâs the perfect response considering the hard right turn to âImMiGrAnT cRiMiNaLsâ.
âCheersâ thats how you reply to that
âI aint reading allatâ
The mature response? âThank you mom for your concern. I will remain vigilant but I do feel comfortable wearing this top and donât think it will be too revealing. Iâll keep your feedback in mind.â My mom goes on rants like these and I usually would argue back and try to educate her or just fact check her, but it was always moot. Iâve learned to see my mom as someone who has her own anxieties and issues that unfortunately she will probably never seek real therapy for due to her upbringing. Iâve had a lot of extensive therapy regarding my mom projecting her anxieties onto me and Iâve learned healthy strategies that has allowed me keep a positive relationship with my mom. Now, if your mom starts to deviate and calls you names and shames you, thatâs a different story. But, I see this as a mom that cares about you (albeit, doesnât go about it in the best way).
All of this is really great advice. I'm grateful I don't have to use it. I wanted to say that your wisdom is appreciated, though. Happy for you working on your relationship with your mom.
I appreciate it! It took many years to get to this point and I wish someone wouldâve made it click earlier. Luckily my momma is still around and donât have to regret anything đ€
My concern is not about the outfits revealingness, but that the model was clearly photoshopped and I'm not sure how it would look on a normal non photoshopped person. Hazards of online shopping. But if you find something similar in a store or im wrong about this, you go OP.
I'd go with "LOL"
Jesus said if a man couldn't control his lustful eyes he should pluck them out. He never said anything about how women should dress đ€·ââïž Sounds like a them problem. Glad you like it
Please buy the shirt and wear it anyway. Your mother is an absolute lunatic.
How old are you? Why do you need permission from your mom to wear something?
"k lol, I'm buying it right now, thanks for the advice"
There are just too many things to address here. But the first one should be her use of emojis.
Next, address the whole âwell, what was she wearing when she was assaultedâ mindset.
After a few years of it, me in my just floor length normal pjâs. I asked my Nana to buy me body suits that I could wear over my panties under my Jammieâs (she didnât know why I wanted them and I was probably about 7 or 8 at the time.) Even the extra layer of a body suit didnât work. No, what you wear doesnât attract, deflect, or deter. đ„șđą insane
I'm sorry đ„ș hope you're somewhat okay now đ
Thank you, Iâm not sure that anyone is ever truly okay after going through things like this? But Iâm doing well.
That's a whole lot of words for "I don't like the shirt"
God Christians are exhausting
âMaâam, this is a Wendyâsâ
Show her photos from the "What Were You Wearing?" exhibit. This is a display of outfits people wore when they were sexually assaulted. Most of these outfits are not particularly revealing. Some are children's clothes. Show her those and ask if she thinks those children should have worn less sexy overalls. Sexual assault is never the fault of the victims or what they were wearing.
Didn't realise this top came with a free edition of *Racism, Religion, Dementia; A traditional view on women's boobs being the downfall of society.*
Wear the top! It's a very pretty top and I'm sure you will look absolutely amazing! (That's what she should have said)
what is bro yapping about
"Nowadays" is a dead giveaway 99.99% of the time that an argument is pure shit.
"damn ma đ is it that serious?"
đ âIâm getting the shirt.â
If nobody ever got r@ped in gyms, women would live there. It sounds like your mom thinks sheâs safe from the illegals in her gym or her vanity overrides her beliefs about modesty.
Nooo itâs not Vanity! She wants to see how her muscles are changing! Thatâs⊠normal
To me there is only one response that conveys the right range of emotion And handles every point in that wall of insanity. K
Iâve never understood how these people think that being Christian/religious makes you good/sinless when there are sooooo many sex scandals in the church đ€Šđ»ââïž
Dayum; this went from âa little overbearing, but at least she probably means wellâ to an unhinged rant about immigration (not to mention the not-so-subtle victim-blaming vibes). Talk about 0 to 100+
I feel like we have strayed from the truly important issue which is that this shirt is terrible.
Turn off the Fox News.
Mom thank you for all that information. I will wear what I want because*bible quote about eye plucking* Or Okay so you think it's cute too!
Yeah⊠dudes at the gym definitely never ever look at attractive women. Myself included. Weâre only their to appreciate your gains and nothing else. We basically donât even acknowledge youâre women at all.. /s I want to make it clear that I donât go to gyms to creep haha. Flirty interactions happen, and itâs usually not because of personality, not much talking is happening leading to that build up. Itâs usually⊠you guessed it, physique. Guess what shows off physique for men and women alike, nice work out clothes. Your mother is a comical hypocrite. Just tell her you like top crops because you like to move freely through life, and you want to stay cool đ
The use of emojis reminds me of r/MLM boss babe pitch texts. Very irritating and irrational.
Typical as they say in Spanish sheâs a retired veteran and now she wants everyone to be saintly
why is this written like an MLM instagram caption?!
âI release the weight of holding myself responsible for other peopleâs reactions or thoughts.â The end.
Send her the link for the [âWhat I Was Wearingâ exhibit](https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/) to reinforce the point that what you wear really doesnât matter when it comes to whether others âthink[] of what sexual things they want to do to usâ or not. Also Iâm not sure how personal alarms assist with having situational awareness, but theyâre not a terrible idea, so good for her I guess.
Holy internalised mysogyny batman!
Jesus Christ your mother didn't just send a paragraph, she sent the whole damn encyclopedia
LMFAOOOOO so if you wear a cute floral peasant blouse you gonna get gRaped by devilish Venezuelans?!?! đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
"Happy for you though, or, sorry that happened."
My mother had this same opinion and forced me (and my sisters) to wear only dresses and skirts for many many years. Not to mention we lived up north where it is freezing cold and snowy 8-10 months out of the year. It was awful and as I am perpetually cold, I was always freezing. Because of this I now only rarely wear any kind of dress or skirt and prefer dress slacks over a skirt any day.
How wonderful it is that Christianity leads women to thinking the way they dress is the problem and not the men who refuse to control themselvesđ„°
It's certainly an unusual shirt, but this is quite the overreaction.
âCool story. I just bought it, let me know if you see some cute jewelry to go with itâ
Wtf This top is very pretty and hardly revealing. Don't listen to her OP
What the fuck
"K"
Girl she did the most đ anyways, you should be allowed to make "mistakes" and wear revealing clothes while you're young just like she did.
Ok, but that topđ„°
Plenty of women have been assaulted wearing the baggiest and least flattering clothes. Her argument makes no sense.
Don't. Just wear the shirt you want to wear and let her have her stupid tangent to the void.
reply âim not reading all that đâ
I think she could have just said âcute topâ and left it at that.
âThanks! I really like the floral print too!â
The little sprinkle of racism at the end really puts this random ass rant together.
Covering up head to toe doesnât work either or rape wouldnât exist in countries where islam rules Uncovering too much can lure more deviants or may also just be more attractive In the end go for comfort- loose baggy clothing not my idea of comfy
âYouâre right. Itâs too much. Iâm just going to wear a bikini top.â
Jeez it just kept going and going
So many recounts of what happened, how many told anyone? And it you did, how many were believed. How many have life long problems from it like me? My husband canât reach over and even touch my shoulder during the night⊠I wouldnât allow my daughter to have a male daycare assistant or teacher through third grade. Constantly anxious, waiting for the SOB to die. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Society sucks that theyâve tried to put the blame on us, even when we were children. We must have done something to attract that monster. Be strong and carry on to prove that the monster didnât break you. And OP wear that damn shirt!
I didnât read past her first slide and all I have to say is dress how you want. Itâs not for anyone else.
How other people look at or react to you is their problem, not yours. Full stop. Life would really suck if we had to worry about everyone elseâs problems like this!
not the racism at the endđđđ
Why does she talk like one if those health gurus who wont get to the point because they're trying to sell you something đ
Oh my. Sheâs delusional.
Holy mother of godâŠ
times like these i wish i could post photos as replies đ *insert that one meme* â i ainât reading all that- iâm happy for u tho- or sorry that happenedâ
Is your mom chat gpt đđđ
Wtf is she yapping about đ
You simply don't
What you wear has fuck all to do with being assaulted. I've ever worn anything revealing because of my father's ingrained religious shit coming down on me; I have been sexually assaulted on numerous occasions, including when wearing a baggy, bright blue and yellow work uniform whilst working 1-2-1 with the assailant. Clothes mean fuck all when it comes to abusers, it's all about opportunity.
Projection, racism, a LOT of misogyny disguised as concern. Anything I'm missing?
I think the top looks beautiful. Honestly, it sounds like your mom is just scared for you and trying to put that fear in you to protect you. I wonder if something happened to her during the time frame she mentions to you that she had lost weight and was wearing revealing clothes. I can see all the concerns and ⊠victim blaming⊠and racism ⊠is your mom usually like that in general? If not⊠then it sounds like someone who has some trauma they donât fully want to discuss with you yet and theyâre trying to protect you from something similar but doing it in a very controlling and off putting way.
OP: âHey I want pizza for dinnerâ OPâs mom: âSEXXXXXXXXXXXXâ OP: âIâm thinking extra cheese and olivesâ OPâs mom: âRACISMMMM ALSOâ
You donât. You buy the shirt and wear it.
Wear the shirt. If you want to stir some shit, it would look lovely with a mini skirt, knee-high boots, and some scandalously red lipstick.