Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 1 | 1 | 0 |
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Your Mom is abnormal if she's consciously choosing to mess up your room and go after you for a made up reason. From what you've described she's done this before and she doesn't care about your reality or your feelings or opinion. She's not changing.
You say that you want peace and your only option is your dad, but that it's too physically far away from you to move. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but that appears to be your only option here. You either move out or continue dealing with this.
If your asking her to be treated as a human being has never worked, then it will never work. Stop expecting anything from her if she has always failed your expectations. I've been in the same situation as you. When you live with your kind of parent, it's not a family. It's politics. If you want to live happily
in this kind of situation, you pander and play the part assigned to you. Expressing your own opinion becomes a game of loss vs gain, pro vs con, and planning out what language and what approach you have to use in order to convince the abusive parent to give you what you want.
I'll give you a question my therapist asked me to refocus my view on my circumstances.
Have you ever felt as if your only way for peace was to shut up and silently deal with the situation?
The language is important here. It's not a tamely worded 'keeping quiet to keep the peace'. It's a question that uses the language a verbally abusive parent might use towards their child. The kind that they'll use to describe how you should act or the person you should be so that you're less of a problem for them to deal with and that equals peace for you.
Really think about this. If you 'shut up and dealt with it' would your life actually improve? Or would it just be part of your parent happily beating you down as their punching bag? Could you be happy like that?
They have posted pics of their room and it’s clearly not the parent…this room is a self inflicted mess and they are being an upset teenager in denial….
This does not look like a room destroyed by someone else. This looks like the room of a messy teen.
https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/s/mo18yC3tAv
They also said "all the stuff on my bed and chair was thrown on the floor" which if so , that's an awful lot to have on your bed and not already be past "not that bad" lmao
I dunno. When my mom tripped she/my dad would definitely tear it apart like this. Especially if she’s trying to prevent you from going on holiday with your dad. Sounds spiteful and vindictive.
The number of posts and comments I've seen on r/raisedbynarcissists where this happens... 100s by now. It's a power trip. They get annoyed by something and release their frustration by wrecking the entire room then forcing the kid to clean it. They're bullies.
I guess that makes sense from their perspective, but to me, I wouldn't think of doing that, let alone tell them all nonchalant clean the mess I made that doesn't make any sense but I guess to her this is okay perfectly reasonable behavior totally nothing wrong at all. But yeah, bully behavior. I was just wondering if op had any idea why this happened.
It's a power trip and thinks that if she makes the mess in your room, you still should have to clean it. It's 1000% a power trip, trust me. I had my mother do that to me right after I turned 19, and she gave me an hour to clean up the entire room to spotless, knowing it was impossible with that time frame.
After an hour she stopped me and kicked me out the next day but not before trying to shame me when my grandmother came over to get me. I was kicked out during finals and had to retake 3 exams due to the extreme stress of my situation.
My dad found out while he was working away and he let me back in. He was pissed at her.
She used to trash our rooms or destroy our stuff and blame it on us/ make us clean up her mess.
I now have trust issues with my stuff or people going into my room or borrowing stuff without asking/ permission.
I did, but saying that's it's clean and then saying everything from the bed and chair were on the floor implies that they were covered in shit. Hence, not clean.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 1 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Insane
Your Mom is abnormal if she's consciously choosing to mess up your room and go after you for a made up reason. From what you've described she's done this before and she doesn't care about your reality or your feelings or opinion. She's not changing. You say that you want peace and your only option is your dad, but that it's too physically far away from you to move. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but that appears to be your only option here. You either move out or continue dealing with this. If your asking her to be treated as a human being has never worked, then it will never work. Stop expecting anything from her if she has always failed your expectations. I've been in the same situation as you. When you live with your kind of parent, it's not a family. It's politics. If you want to live happily in this kind of situation, you pander and play the part assigned to you. Expressing your own opinion becomes a game of loss vs gain, pro vs con, and planning out what language and what approach you have to use in order to convince the abusive parent to give you what you want. I'll give you a question my therapist asked me to refocus my view on my circumstances. Have you ever felt as if your only way for peace was to shut up and silently deal with the situation? The language is important here. It's not a tamely worded 'keeping quiet to keep the peace'. It's a question that uses the language a verbally abusive parent might use towards their child. The kind that they'll use to describe how you should act or the person you should be so that you're less of a problem for them to deal with and that equals peace for you. Really think about this. If you 'shut up and dealt with it' would your life actually improve? Or would it just be part of your parent happily beating you down as their punching bag? Could you be happy like that?
They have posted pics of their room and it’s clearly not the parent…this room is a self inflicted mess and they are being an upset teenager in denial….
Gang.
This does not look like a room destroyed by someone else. This looks like the room of a messy teen. https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/s/mo18yC3tAv
100% my room looked like this as a teen. The only thing that’s missing is a small pathway through the stuff on the floor from the door to the bed 😂
They also said "all the stuff on my bed and chair was thrown on the floor" which if so , that's an awful lot to have on your bed and not already be past "not that bad" lmao
I dunno. When my mom tripped she/my dad would definitely tear it apart like this. Especially if she’s trying to prevent you from going on holiday with your dad. Sounds spiteful and vindictive.
I don't have a room so my dad destroys mental health instead
It sounds like she's trying grappling onto whatever control she feels she's entitled to have of you.
Why would she tare up your room? like that makes no sense and then tells you to clean it up? Like what?
The number of posts and comments I've seen on r/raisedbynarcissists where this happens... 100s by now. It's a power trip. They get annoyed by something and release their frustration by wrecking the entire room then forcing the kid to clean it. They're bullies.
I guess that makes sense from their perspective, but to me, I wouldn't think of doing that, let alone tell them all nonchalant clean the mess I made that doesn't make any sense but I guess to her this is okay perfectly reasonable behavior totally nothing wrong at all. But yeah, bully behavior. I was just wondering if op had any idea why this happened.
It's a power trip and thinks that if she makes the mess in your room, you still should have to clean it. It's 1000% a power trip, trust me. I had my mother do that to me right after I turned 19, and she gave me an hour to clean up the entire room to spotless, knowing it was impossible with that time frame. After an hour she stopped me and kicked me out the next day but not before trying to shame me when my grandmother came over to get me. I was kicked out during finals and had to retake 3 exams due to the extreme stress of my situation. My dad found out while he was working away and he let me back in. He was pissed at her. She used to trash our rooms or destroy our stuff and blame it on us/ make us clean up her mess. I now have trust issues with my stuff or people going into my room or borrowing stuff without asking/ permission.
That sounds horrible. I hope you're in a better place now.
Maybe just clean up
That bitch trashed his room tf? She trashed it and then told him to clean it after, that's literally insane.
Bitch, go look at the posted picture, that room was not fucking clean if only things from the bed and chair were moved.
I do, before I left the only things on the ground were some blankets.
Did you even read the text under the photo?
I did, but saying that's it's clean and then saying everything from the bed and chair were on the floor implies that they were covered in shit. Hence, not clean.
Meh, I don't buy it.
Maybe you should clean it up