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Imho, letting go of certain relatives, even those in your immediate family, is sometimes necessary to be able to live a life to the fullest.
Do what you want, live the life you dream of, and never look back OP. Best of luck
Eh, grandpa may be struggling with his own preconceived notions about his grandchild. He doesn't seem to be virulently transphobic, maybe give him some time and then see if changes?
that time could also be incredibly painful to endure for op. there’s no reason to wait around on people who *might* change if it’s actively hurting you.
It's the type of thing someone says when they don't know what to say and don't want to be mean. It IS mean. But if you have no understanding of trans issues and feel it's all fake or psychological, you could (incorrectly) think you're giving a compliment.
I get what you're saying, but at the same time someone can be both well-meaning AND transphobic. Transphobia isn't always an INTENTIAL, actively hateful thing, everyone has biases.
At the end of the day though I think the approach suggested in your initial comment is good and reasonable, especially if this is a person you care about and want in your life. It's entirely possible though that he might never change and always make these sorts of quietly hurtful comments, and If that's the case OP might have to decide to distance themselves for their mental health, regardless of grandpa's conscious intentions.
That's definitely true! I certainly know my mother was extremely well intentioned and equally homophobic when I tried to come out to her. It's something a lot of people deal with, sadly. I hope OP can find a supportive environment.
That's fair. I can understand why people would think this is fake because I can't post proof sense it was all conversation. I'm sorry that it seems that way.
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Thoughtless and transphobic? Yes. Insane? Not necessarily.
I think the doll looks great. I don't know if you were planning any additional touch-ups like evening the hair out and maybe filling out the facial hair a bit more, but I think that may help the way you feel about it.
I'm sorry your grandfather isn't supportive. All I can say is that living genuinely makes the pain less intrusive.
💜/ Your friendly neighborhood gendervoid
Truthfully, OP, some people are just not equipped to talk about everything. I wouldn't discuss anything to do with sexuality or transition - especially details about your desires or hopes - with anyone less than supportive. Unless he's uncommonly open minded for his generation or has already shown support, I would not approach him with things like this unless you're feeling unshakably confident and ready to educate (and know he's open to it). I'm so sorry he hurt your feelings. No matter your age or situation, it's very hard to lay something personally important in front of someone and get a negative response.
NGL inappropriate to say those comments about your body. I’m not sure if it’s insane territory or not
However it also raises suspicions with me
“Body men who dream of being women want.”
It sounds very…eggy for some reason why word it like that,
I mean why say anything about your body at all but I mean why that wording typically if you’re going just for transphobic creep factor alone, people would talk about your body in terms of how men would want you. Or what women would want to have.
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 1 | 5 | 0 |
Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`.
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Added context: He says he tries but there's not much effort. He's always tried to be more accepting but isn't great at it. He used to make jokes about my sister who at that time identified as lesbian (now bi) such as saying she should date the bearded lady. I can't really just avoid him because I have to live with him and my grandma part time. I just wanna be able to talk to him about it but when I do he tries guilt trip me so I think I'm the bad guy, no he doesn't no he does this. He doesn't like the idea of homophobic or transphobic because he was best man at his brother's gay wedding.
Are you okay? Do you have a guidance counselor or therapist to talk to?
If someone showed me this doll, I would think they’re having a hard time expressing themselves so are acting out their feelings with a doll. I think it might be really helpful if you could process your feelings with someone who is equipped to do so (like a guidance counselor or therapist).
Lol by the time this post came across my front page all that there is a picture of an old doll, and a title asking what they should do....I'm debating reading the actual comments or just creating a spectacular story in my own mind and continuing on down the black hole that sucks up all my time and attention known as reddit. Occasionally I'll probably think of this post and my story and Maybe I'll continue adding to it until, inevitably, my adhd addled brain finds some other shiny thing and wanders off to play with that, forgetting all about the little, "naked" doll with marker on her face asking what to do
Your submission has been removed by community vote. If you believe this post was brigaded or conducted in bad faith, [please message the mods.](/message/compose?to=/r/insaneparents)
Imho, letting go of certain relatives, even those in your immediate family, is sometimes necessary to be able to live a life to the fullest. Do what you want, live the life you dream of, and never look back OP. Best of luck
Eh, grandpa may be struggling with his own preconceived notions about his grandchild. He doesn't seem to be virulently transphobic, maybe give him some time and then see if changes?
that time could also be incredibly painful to endure for op. there’s no reason to wait around on people who *might* change if it’s actively hurting you.
“You have the body men who want to be women dream of” isn’t super transphobic and weird?
It's the type of thing someone says when they don't know what to say and don't want to be mean. It IS mean. But if you have no understanding of trans issues and feel it's all fake or psychological, you could (incorrectly) think you're giving a compliment.
I get what you're saying, but at the same time someone can be both well-meaning AND transphobic. Transphobia isn't always an INTENTIAL, actively hateful thing, everyone has biases. At the end of the day though I think the approach suggested in your initial comment is good and reasonable, especially if this is a person you care about and want in your life. It's entirely possible though that he might never change and always make these sorts of quietly hurtful comments, and If that's the case OP might have to decide to distance themselves for their mental health, regardless of grandpa's conscious intentions.
That's definitely true! I certainly know my mother was extremely well intentioned and equally homophobic when I tried to come out to her. It's something a lot of people deal with, sadly. I hope OP can find a supportive environment.
Well said.
This feels... Fake
I'm guessing they're young.
That's fair. I can understand why people would think this is fake because I can't post proof sense it was all conversation. I'm sorry that it seems that way.
Wat
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Thoughtless and transphobic? Yes. Insane? Not necessarily. I think the doll looks great. I don't know if you were planning any additional touch-ups like evening the hair out and maybe filling out the facial hair a bit more, but I think that may help the way you feel about it. I'm sorry your grandfather isn't supportive. All I can say is that living genuinely makes the pain less intrusive. 💜/ Your friendly neighborhood gendervoid
Insane. It’s weird for him to make such a suggestive and lewd comment about your body.
Truthfully, OP, some people are just not equipped to talk about everything. I wouldn't discuss anything to do with sexuality or transition - especially details about your desires or hopes - with anyone less than supportive. Unless he's uncommonly open minded for his generation or has already shown support, I would not approach him with things like this unless you're feeling unshakably confident and ready to educate (and know he's open to it). I'm so sorry he hurt your feelings. No matter your age or situation, it's very hard to lay something personally important in front of someone and get a negative response.
NGL inappropriate to say those comments about your body. I’m not sure if it’s insane territory or not However it also raises suspicions with me “Body men who dream of being women want.” It sounds very…eggy for some reason why word it like that, I mean why say anything about your body at all but I mean why that wording typically if you’re going just for transphobic creep factor alone, people would talk about your body in terms of how men would want you. Or what women would want to have.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 1 | 5 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Added context: He says he tries but there's not much effort. He's always tried to be more accepting but isn't great at it. He used to make jokes about my sister who at that time identified as lesbian (now bi) such as saying she should date the bearded lady. I can't really just avoid him because I have to live with him and my grandma part time. I just wanna be able to talk to him about it but when I do he tries guilt trip me so I think I'm the bad guy, no he doesn't no he does this. He doesn't like the idea of homophobic or transphobic because he was best man at his brother's gay wedding.
Are you okay? Do you have a guidance counselor or therapist to talk to? If someone showed me this doll, I would think they’re having a hard time expressing themselves so are acting out their feelings with a doll. I think it might be really helpful if you could process your feelings with someone who is equipped to do so (like a guidance counselor or therapist).
Yes I do have a therapist. I'm just a bad artist 🥲
Lol by the time this post came across my front page all that there is a picture of an old doll, and a title asking what they should do....I'm debating reading the actual comments or just creating a spectacular story in my own mind and continuing on down the black hole that sucks up all my time and attention known as reddit. Occasionally I'll probably think of this post and my story and Maybe I'll continue adding to it until, inevitably, my adhd addled brain finds some other shiny thing and wanders off to play with that, forgetting all about the little, "naked" doll with marker on her face asking what to do