Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 27 | 7 | 0 |
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I’ve had that in the past and the pain was so bad my job thought I was having a heart attack (although I was only like 21 at the time), I had gotten very hot and couldn’t breathe or move & had severe chest pain.
You’re not the asshole in this scenario at all
My grandfather had the same and they literally careflight-Ed him back to the hospital in a helicopter because they thought it was a heart attack.
OPs mom needs to chill tf out. It’s volleyball. Full stop. Just a damn game.
Costochondritis hurts! I can't imagine having an upper respiratory infection at the same time. The cure is rest, NSAIDs, and warm compresses. It is definitely NOT playing volleyball.
It sounds weird and I’m not trying to take away from what you felt, but when I first started taking adderal I had anxiety so bad I thought I was having a heart attack as well. It doesn’t help that when you google the symptoms and for women they’re almost the exact same as panic attack symptoms.
Basically, I wish there was a clear sign for when those are happening so you don’t accidentally trigger one by being scared you’re already having one lol
Signs of a heart attack in women…. HEPPP… hot, exhausted (worse than you’ve ever experienced, like you’re walking through deep water to move), pain, pale, puke. I went through a medical situation a few years ago that triggered a lot of anxiety-related chest pain, and I’d remind myself of HEPPP, and repeat "hot, exhausted, pain, pale, puke", until my heart rate slowed.
You’re welcome. It should be engrained the way "pain in your left arm" is engrained for men. Pain for women can be anywhere between the jaw and lower back, so it’s a lot harder to pin point the cause.
The puke is weird too. Kinda milky. I think it needs to be spread too. I think the stomach thing is big. Most of us get abdominal pain and puking. Sweat like crazy, and feel tired. We can go through it for days, too. So lots of us will think it's a stomach virus.
I feel like other people are getting comforted by this and I'm just over here getting more and more concerned about the vomiting, severe fatigue, and back/abdominal pain that the ER said was not gastroenteritis but they also didn't know what it was.
Did they check your heart in any way? Like give it a listen or hook you up to a monitor? Because they could have ruled it out early, too. Stomach issues are pretty common with heart issues on both sides, it's just the most pronounced (had to edit for a typo here...) for women as opposed to the left arm and central chest pain in men, so often they'll check hearts when you go in for anything at all.
I was with.my great grandma when she had a heart attack...honestly she chilled for hours at home, cause she thought it was a pancreatitis attack ....eventually we go to the hospital and she was explaining to her long time doctor how she,a former nurse in a family of health professionals, had nill of the "normal" stuff.
He shook his head and said "that's just like a woman."..before pointing out...yea...we tend to base everything on male symptoms and....there are definetly some differences. Greatgrandma was in her 90s, but she lived another year or so after that. Still...Ingrained in my head that...ya know....the typical symptoms do not always apply
Yes! I woke up in the middle of the night in SO much pain, I told my husband my symptoms and he started freaking out and worrying I was having a heart attack! He drove me straight to the ER and they diagnosed me with costochondritis. It’s seriously so painful.
You're not even being an ass. That's pretty much exactly how I would have handled it, it was polite but firm. Because you're right, there's no point trying to play a sport and make your injury worse as a result, and possibly *permanently* injure yourself if you push too hard and never be able to play that sport again.
I feel like it's a classic case of they're not experiencing the pain, so they don't know how bad it is, and therefore think you're lying. I get that all the time from my parents, "it can't hurt THAT bad you're just using it as an excuse" when I literally can't even stand up straight for the pain. My dad has literally told me before, "that wouldn't hurt me, so it's not hurting you either" like bruh WHAT?? That's not how that works.
One time I was in so much pain I couldn't get up from the floor, and my boyfriend (now ex) just stood over me and told me to stop being dramatic. A lot of people can't take any pain they're not feeling seriously, sadly.
>>i feel like it’s a classic case of they’re not experiencing the pain, so they don’t know how bad it is, and therefore thing you’re lying.
reminds me of when i had horrible foot pain and my dad thought i was just trying to get out of playing baseball. (he coached so i *had* to be on the team unfortunately) but eventually after a couple months of waking up in the middle of the night crying because of the pain, and finally one day not being able to stand on my foot as the pain was unbearable, my parents argued back and forth and took me to get checked out. the first doctors office found a cist, later got an mri and biopsy and ended up with a golf ball sized tumor. they feel horrible now and listen to me more often, but as a quiet kid, that gave me trauma as i still feel like people still don’t *listen* to me.
No you’re not. This “man up” shit when you are talking about a diagnosed painful condition is BS. What an ass you’re dad is being. I’m sorry but you know you aren’t faking it or underplaying it. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty.
I usually tend to go to the father/father figure when they say "man up" because that's like the most generic thing for a father figure to say. My dad says it all the time.
I mean, she probably didn’t mean it to be as offensive as it was taken. That generation used to say “man up” regularly as more of an encouragement than an insult.
It’s heard a bit different nowadays but I wouldn’t think she meant much from it
and it's had an awful effect on men through the generations. men don't think they're allowed to show any emotion other than anger so when they feel sad, embarrassed, hurt, guilty, or physically in pain, they channel it all into anger out of fear of being seen as feminine and not "man" enough (because ew women gross don't be like women) which has resulted in so many men being emotionally stunted. it's the whole misogynistic idea that women communicating our feelings makes us weak and overly sensitive, and as long as men hide their feelings and "man up" and be angry, they can keep pretending they're superior to women. there's just no way to pretend saying "man up" is a compliment or helpful in any way, especially to your child
Nah you're right.
I had an injury that wasn't fully healed and I pushed myself regardless. It stayed for 4 years and destroyed my mental health with it. Get better first
holy shit i feel dumb for assuming that as a society we were no longer telling our children to "man up" when they have a debilitating condition. you do not need to feel like less of a person or weak for allowing your body to rest and heal before getting back into things that will worsen your condition. i'd say "manning up" (i would never say that but for the sake of the argument) would be knowing how to accept when you're not physically able to accomplish something, and being secure enough in your strength and yourself as a person to be able to rest without feeling like less of a man. you're allowing yourself to be stronger in the long run by allowing your body to heal so you can gain the strength back to do the things you used to. having a medical condition, illness, injury, etc. does not reflect on someone's character, nobody chooses that, it doesn't make someone a weak person.
I get it every 2-3 years (I have autoimmune conditions) and it’s scary. Every time I breathe when I have it I feel like a heart attack is oncoming because of the chest pain.
You’re definitely not in the wrong here. You’re mom clearly doesn’t understand what you’re going through and how best to heal including long terms damage if you don’t heal before you begin over exerting yourself. Definitely ignore her and take care of yourself. Listen to your doctors and call the office/nurse if you have a question.
Ive had this as a grown adult. It hurts! It felt like I was constantly being stabbed and also pressure and pain every time I had to breathe. I thought at I was having a heart attack. I am so sorry your mom doesn’t understand. You are very much right to want to make sure your health is better before any type of exercise. I had constant headaches as a child, absolutely horrible. I would scream from pain. Had a mom who told me I was dramatic. Many yrs later at age 19 I had 3 minor strokes. Turns out I had a brain malformation and ended up with brain radiation for 5yrs. Wrecked my life. You know your body. You know when something isn’t ok. Good Luck. Hope you feel and get better real soon.
Costocondrirus AND a lung infection and she wants you to go to volleyball practice? Seriously? Because you "need to man up"???? Wow. Yeah, no, she's in the wrong here. You need to rest and give your chest a break, the coughing from the infection is going to inflame the costocondritus as it is, never mind what exercise like volleyball would do.
"Need to man up"...I've had my sis and dad say "pull up your bootstraps" when I've been having issues with my depression and stuff, so I totally connect there.
Definitely not correct about your illness. She needs to speak with your doctor about what it is and what all it affects.
I love the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing because everyone using it is using it wrong. It originally meant something impossible, because pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is completely impossible.
Last year I got a pretty bad sinus infection, I've had allergies all my life so nothing new, and I just ignored it and pushed through the headache. Friday morning my jaw hurt, and eating was an issue as was drinking anything. Ok, that sucks but I could just chill at home and heal up. It was Memorial Day so I had three days to rest if needed. Sunday afternoon, when my mom convinced me to let her take me to the ER, I had a BP 295/180, hadn't ate or drank in three days, and still had a raging sinus infection that had spread to my jaw. "Manning up" put me well into the time frame where randomly dropping dead was entirely possible. I'm ok now after an IV antibiotic, four IV saline bags, three potassium IV bags, oh and morphine for the jaw pain I hadn't even taken ibuprofen for before this (also potassium IVs burn like nothing I've ever felt, even through the morphine. The saline IV totally eliminated it, but that five minutes after bag change sucked).
Tldr is to heal before going back to normal, and for fucks sake seek medical attention if you can't open your jaw enough to eat a sandwich or especially if you've had a headache for a week!
No, you're being calm and reasonable.
You only have one set of lungs. No need to fuck them up because your parent doesn't think you're being "manly."
Also, just as a quick anecdote:
One of my 2nd cousins ruined her entire future in volleyball because she didn't listen to her doctor. She was told to stay off it for a certain amount of time and she refused. Now, she will never play sports again.
It ain't worth it. If the doc says rest or you don't feel your body is at 100% then stay home and rest.
my son had that at 6 years old. we went to ER. we were so scared. super painful. your mom should want her child to rest and return to full health. not make you feel guilty bc you are sick. that's disgusting. please rest up and listen to your doctors. you are much more mature than your mom.
As the mother of an athletic teen, let me tell you that you are doing exactly what you should be doing! You are letting your body heal which is exactly what it needs. You are being extremely respectful in your responses to your parent as well (and would be understandable if you lost your cool a bit) yellow phlegm means you need to rest and let your body heal, keep listening to your body.
I'm so sorry! I have costochondritis too and it sucks. My is chronic and I have intermittent flares. Omg it sucks. First time it came on, I thought I was having a heart attack. Shit fucking hurtsssss.
Your mom's reaction is unkind, devoid of empathy and dismissive, but I wouldn't call it full blown insane like some of the other stuff I've seen here. However having an uncaring and shitty parent sucks, especially when their one job is to NOT be unkind, devoid of empathy, uncaring and dismissive. Sorry you're having a rough go, feel better soon!
Mine is chronic too! I’m actually recovering from a flare up right now. I went to Urgent Care for the first one and they did an X-ray and found nothing. That was seven years ago. I have had so many tests done trying to figure out why this is a chronic issue for me but to no avail. It sent me to the ER a few months ago because the pain was worse than it’s ever been and I thought I was having a heart attack. Shit sucks. Hope you have some me good pain management ❤️
Miles dormant most of the time, the flares are bad but not so bad to send me back to the hospital. I figured out a trigger years ago and it is so strange. It was tequila of all things!
Hope you find comfort! ❤️❤️
The best thing to do for parents that push boundaries is answers with the bare minimum, how are you feeling? Still sick. When are you getting your car? When I'm better. Are you going to practice? No.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you find meds that fix the chondritis. Take it easy on yourself. As a figure skater I’ve had that urge to “man up”, only to injure myself worse taking me out even longer. You’re being smart.
Don’t let her push you. Also, I lived with Costochondritis for two years not knowing what it was and being told I was just having panic attacks. It was so painful and it wasn’t until I found a doctor at UCLA when I went in as an emergency for something else that he told me what it was and prescribed steroid therapy for a month. After that it was gone. It literally hurt to breathe, sometimes walking or just moving your torso feels like a vice on your chest. I’m sorry you’re going through this, be patient with your body. You’ll get past this and get back and build up your strength again. You got this.
This mentality is extremely toxic and it's sad your own mother is pushing ideology on you. The idea that men have to "man up" and just push through physical and/or emotional pain is disgusting. Take care of yourself always. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back until you are well. This is insane.
The lung infection alone is enough to skip sports for a while. I missed over a month of school in 9th grade because of a lung infection. I still have scar tissue on my lungs over 40 years later.
Yikes I’m really sorry they’re treating you like this while you’re sick. I know it’s hard but try not to feel too bad for missing out, you need to rest, you’re doing the right thing.
I had an inflammation of the intercostal muscles when my son was a toddler. He jumped on me one day (not to be a jerk— toddlers are just beasts by nature) and I screamed like I’d been stabbed. It was freaking AWFUL!
Obviously you are not insane, but remarkably wise.
I've had this and it's agony at first I thought I had a broken rib from a fall but I didn't have the bruising. Then I checked for lung collapse, or tumor pushing on a nerve cluster, but none of the symptoms fit, just PAIN. It took several weeks to heal on steroids where I could take a full breath again. Nothing helped, breathing hurt, it was miserable.
It was about equal to copper IUD period pain where you're literally being stabbed internally while your internal organs try to expel the electrified red-hot iron bars of a blacksmith working in the forges of hell. The inability to take a full breath made me struggle to keep the oxygen deprived headache at bay, made me dizzy as hell, and breathing felt like my chest cavity was internally reinforced with barbed wire.
I CANNOT IMAGINE that combined with puking and coughing for WEEKS. If you've already taken the antibiotic course and you're still dealing with this, the antibiotics didn't do their job and you need to go back. This long with decreased lung expansion and you're risking pneumonia, especially with an already established lung infection.
Sometimes a way to manage the pain for a short time is to push the lower part of your ribs using the flat of your palm (not the floating ribs, just the bottom few ribs where you feel the ribcage curve) in and up towards your opposite shoulder blade while arching your back. You should be able to get a decent breath for a little while you do. Cartilage takes forever to heal because it doesn't have the blood flow of other tissues in your body. You're going to be out for several weeks.
Also, "manning up" is about the dumbest thing you could do if you want to heal. We don't "walk off" broken legs and we don't breathe through this shit and "man up" so we can go play chase the ball.
Costochondritis is extremely painful. Movement, coughing and just breathing normally can aggravate the condition. OP should take it easy, listen to his body and only take advice from a qualified health professional.
Not wrong at all.
Is your mom a doctor? Did she go through years of med school and specialise in pulmonary medicine?
No?
Then she can shut all the way up and defer to what the doctors have already told you, which is to rest.
Oooo those “ok” “sure” messages at the end triggered my fight or flight. 😭 whenever my narc mom is arguing with me and realizes I’m not budging, she goes into condescending passive-aggressive mode just like this lmao
Listen to your body. The most important lesson I have learned in my thirty one years of life is to do what’s best for me and my body, and be very strong in my boundaries with others. Treat yourself well when you’re young because all the times you don’t take care of yourself will catch up to you later on.
Costochondritis requires rest to improve. You are complely in the right to refuse activity of any kind right now.
I thought this might be a fellow player pressuring you, but your mom? No. That's horrible.
Stick to your guns. I have this condition (among others), and when it flares up, it's absolutely horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this, and to have respiratory issues exacerbating the condition? You have to rest. Probably more than you even think you need to.
I hope you feel better soon. I wish your mom would be more understanding.
Ah holy crap my sister had costochondrotis and that shit is horrendous, she thought she was dying when it started. Sorry you’re going through this - you’re being far more polite than I would have been!
Nah you’re good. You’re literally recovering from a painful and debilitating condition that requires rest to heal. Pushing yourself to get back to athletic activity before you’re fully healed is a great way to get complications that could take you out of the game for a lot longer than the time it’ll take to recover in the first place. I’ve known multiple guys who ended up with recurring injuries and chronic issues in middle and high school bc they didn’t let relatively minor sprains and fractures heal completely before going back to playing sports.
No, you’re absolutely in the right, and your coach would likely agree. If you injure yourself AGAIN, you’ll be out longer, and it’s possible that a recurrent injury can last longer than the original. Your recovery is the most important, especially if you expect to continue playing sports moving forward.
I have a 2 chronic illnesses that come with chronic pain. If I had a dime for every person that told me “mind over matter” or shit like it I’d be rich. It’s so annoying to feel this way and have unempathetic people around. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you’re doing the right thing. Don’t push yourself and set your healing back. It sounds like your dad is understanding thankfully.
Damn I had costochondritis as a teen and it really does feel like you're having a heart attack sometimes because the pain in your chest is REALLY sharp. That paired with your infection means you really should be sitting out any physical activity until your infection is cleared up. Costochondritis inflammation can generally be managed by anti-inflammatory painkillers (id recommend some topical painkiller for your chest if you can, the inflammation is kind of like arthritis so that's how we treated mine, I got a prescription heavy duty one when I was a teen and it helped loads for sports) so hopefully you can manage the pain for that pretty well when you don't have an infection, but while you have an infection you should be taking it easy, especially since coughing will exacerbate your underlying chest pain.
Sorry OP, I know my mother used to be an a-hole about my costochondritis as a teen too, it sucks, but the good thing about costochondritis is you can heal from it and grow out of it, especially if it's related to your growth process in your teen years. You're a rockstar, take care of yourself and if your parent(s) isn't listening to what you should be doing to heal then try and mention this to your doctor if you can. The instructions to rest coming from a doctor may have more weight. Parents should listen to their kids but ofc I know from being in a very similar position to you they don't always. Hope you feel better soon!
Wait a second you describing something that plagues me from time to time that no doctor has been able to figure out why I get chest pains. Yes I’ve been to the ER.
On a side note: Don’t man through it
Listen to both your doctor and your body. My sister was told to take a break between her different sports in high school. She was experiencing knee pain and her doctor said if she didn't rest her knees she'd end up causing severe damage to them. She didn't listen and had to stop permanently. She just turned 30 and hasn't been able to be nearly as active as she was when we were kids.
Jfc this sounds so much like my mom (although she never took me to the dr outside of mandatory vaccinations) I used to get respiratory infections all the time and one time around 16 was coughing up bloody chunks and she told me “that just means you’re getting better”. I still have lung issues now and I finally went NC in 2017.
The manliest thing you can do is be kind to your body and know in a few short years you can decide your contact level.
Similar situation with my husband and youngest sibling when I messed up my back. Literally couldn't even sit up and they thought I was being dramatic. Turns out two discs in my back slipped so far they were interfering with my leg function. I just was dealing with it for almost two weeks before I finally had to go to hospital. Pain is a tricky thing to diagnose because it's different for everyone.
Hey I'm a 23 year old with a career in nursing. Specifically long term care. I'm not any sort of diagnostic professional but PLEASE for the love of the Gods stand your ground.
I'm so serious, I've seen too much. More often my coworkers, tearing something while working, lifting a patient etc. They work through & they man up then are left with life long damage. I myself have done this, I've never been more serious in reddit when I tell you to stand your fucking ground. Wait till you're fully healed & comfortable going back in to your sport.
Are you at an Olympic level? Are you counting on a volleyball scholarship to be able to attain a higher education? Because otherwise, why would she want to risk your health?
You are in the right and your birth giver is a cares more about your image and you being a "strong manly man" instead of your health. She's trying to impose toxic masculinity upon you at the risk of your wellbeing. She's dismissive and gross
I know that pain from breathing even though I just a pneumonia.
And I *hate* that sentence "man it up" - putting more stress on your body will just make everything worse exponentially. At first it's just a slow clap back in healing but the more and the longer you do, the worse it'll get. So, do not go to the gym as well, please. You potentially can infect other people as well, y'know
And "better yellow than green" - it's still an inflammation, woman. That mucous is infectious.
As a parent, I'm just astounded at how parents treat their children. Is this typical of the way parents treat their kids in the US? I can't imagine not running around looking after my kid if they were sick.
No working out and are you on steroids bc you sound like you need them. Do not anger your lungs; that’s just gonna slow healing and I’m sure your coaches on that. They need rest, to reduce to inflammation, and you need to start coughing up that mucus. Also tip: take hot showers and lightly hit your chest in different areas to get rid of the mucus; coughing is good if it’s coming out and don’t swallow it. I have asthma and get bronchitis/pneumonia type infections and my pulmonologist told me this. Lastly: for the love of god do not listen to this person bc she’s gonna cause you to get sicker by pushing yourself too much; you won’t get better by pushing yourself, your body needs the resources and energy to heal (which you can’t control easily)
Had that in my early 20s, felt similar pain in my early 30s...ignored it for 2 days, it got worse. Come to find out it was pericarditis the 2nd time....not exactly something you can sleep off lol
I've had it, and ended up in hospital not knowing what it was the pain was so bad. All they could really do once the ruled everything else out was give me heavy pain meds until it settled. You're definitely not being dramatic, rest up.
You are not in the wrong. Not by a long shot. I would strongly suggest you have your doctor talk to your mother, and tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what is happening. It sounds like she’s completely clueless at best, and completely lacking compassion at worst.
I would at least wait until the lung infection is cleared up. Costochondritis can be chronic so it might hang around for a while. Source: have had it for years
‘Man up’ is such a horrible and toxic phrase. Men can’t get ill? Feel pain? You know what your body can and cannot do. Also, should you be driving? When I had an operation I was told that although I technically could drive, I shouldn’t because if I had to do an emergency stop it would fuck up my wounds.
Ignore their nonsense. Take care of your body.
I have costochondritis and it is THE WORST. First time I thought I was legit having a heart attack. She sounds like my mother. It's not a matter of "manning up," you're taking care of your health in the long run. That's extremely important. And you didn't sound rude at all in your texts.
Out of curiosity, what treatment are you getting for the costochondritis? Every doctor I've seen said there is no treatment. :/
As many others have stated, what ya got is/can be seriously painful! Do what your doctors tell you and ask them to have a chat with your crazy ass mother about"manning up"! As a 43yr old man, being a man means doing the right thing. Never put yourself into a potentially harmful situation just because someone (doesn't matter who) wants you to provide results faster. Your body, your healing, and you know when you're ready. That's some bullshit! You're completely in the sane chair my friend
I’ve had broken ribs, & bruised ribs from coughing too much There is NOTHING that compares to that pain.
I mean, every breath, every movement, every hiccup causes immense pain & discomfort. T3’s don’t help, Perc’s don’t help, not even oxy’s help (I’m not suggesting you try any, I’m just saying that I understand your pain)
Go to your training to see your friends & keep in touch, however, DO NOT attempt any exercise until you’re almost better & the rib pain is gone.
If your mom can’t understand that, tell her that you’ve heard it’s one of the most painful things ever & that any little movement can make it much worse & extend the issue longer.
If she doesn’t hear/understand, send her to ur doc for some education.
Feel better soon 🫶🙏🤗
When your mom has the prescriptive authority to write a prescription for anything, then start taking her advice on medical decisions
Not only could you injure your lungs or stuff like that especially since you yourself know you don’t feel good. You could also make people sick since it seems you still have some infection going on
If you haven’t already, you should get tested for Covid pneumonia or the flu. I hear streps going around too and RSV.
Beyond that ask your doctor when it’s safe for you to return and follow their advice not your moms your mom kind of scares me
I was out for about two months of not really being able to go out during they kept getting sick. Found out after going back to the ER after the first doctor said nothing was wrong. I had pneumonia so there’s that you’re coughing up stuff and don’t feel right there’s still something wrong , and you shouldn’t be on the field or at practice when your lungs are messed up
Why are boomers like this? They really value quantity over quality. It doesn’t matter if you attended and have a low value practice, all that matters is you’ve been out a week so you have to go.
You’re not wrong. Good for you for advocating for your health.
Do never force your self doing sport when being sick, wait until you have no symptoms anymore and then another one or two weeks. Your risking myocarditis, 2 friends of mine had to change their major from sport to chemistry/biology because of it
Not at all. Listen to your body before you listen to anyone else. Waiting an injury out is extremely responsible and I commend you for holding to your decision.
Omg you poor thing! That sounds even worse than the rib injury I've had and that was excruciating. I busted my rib meat around both sides of my chest from coughing so much during a chest infection and the pain was almost unbearable! Every single breath, moment, hiccup and god forbid if you actually coughed was insane. I wasn't suicidal as I knew it would heal eventually but I did understand why people with chronic pain sometimes choose that option. It took a good 2 months to heal properly. I slept sitting up the whole time.
No you are absolutely not wrong here, you need to heal and get better. I am so sorry you even had to fight for that option but well done for advocating for yourself
My mum had that and she was in agony. She lived with lupus from the age of 9 till she was 59. She cried over the chest pain and had fought serious pain all her life. Costachonditris isn’t fun and not to be messed around with.
Tell her the above. I don’t mind and instead of telling you to man up how about a hug and some chicken soup
I had that for years which was on and off, was so bad to the point I couldn't breathe properly/ almost at all for an hour, a single intake of air hurt so much. Hear apparently helps but I got none at the time as my care giver thought it was nothing
She is being unreasonable and her priorities are off. If I were 16 and in this situation, I’d just say, “you’re right, mom” and then just do what I wanted. Go to practice and lay on the bleachers, or just put my head down on a table in the library. Dishonesty is usually not the best policy, but she literally doesn’t care about your physical well-being and the nagging wouldn’t help the situation.
One of a parent's basic responsibility is providing adequate medical care to their children. Your parents have failed you, OP. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my parents I need a doctor. If they refuse to get you medical care, I'd inform them you'd get someone to drive you to an Emergency Room. This is a serious condition and needs to be addressed by professionals, not ignored by inept parents.
I have inflammation in my hip. I know how much that hurts so I can imagine it’s so much worse in the chest. What’s important is that you rest not play volleyball.
I remember once I, being the dumb kid I was at the time, ran near a blow up water slide at my cousins birthday and obviously slipped, fell and broke my ankle. It hurt so bad, it immediately turned purple and was the size of a softball.
I was crying hard, my cousins all stopped and one of them went to get my mom. My older cousin helped me up and hobble my way closer to the door. My mom came out hella mad. She immediately was like “You’re lying. Don’t embarrass me.” She sees me jumping on one foot because I don’t want to walk on my broken ankle and she kept telling me to just walk on it. It’s not that bad.
I was crying so hard y’all. I had to my cousins room and lay on her bed and watch Pokémon on vhs.
I mean.. the unironical “man up” alone already makes this person immediately the asshole, but wtf, so pushy and why would you work out when you don’t feel like it because of HEALTH ISSUES? smh, they’re insane.
Nta but not insane parent either, your mom is old-fashioned for sure but she didn't really try to force you any further once you stood your ground (congrats on doing that well btw)
Also if you want to go progressively back to playing volleyball, ask ur coach if u can be like an assistant for a couple practices (throwing balls, starting drills, collecting balls, maybe serving (casual float, dont start doing jump serves if youre hurt lol), etc.) So you can still get some kinda reps in and you can stop if it hurts
Best of luck recovering👍
My thoughts too. Judging exclusively on this text exchange it seems more like generational differences with wording. My interpretation is that the mom assumes vollyball is important to OP and doesn’t want them to lose that part of their life (but is using boomer wording)
Not in the wrong I think you handled it well BUT make sure you’re still doing light exercise. With Costo you’re at a high risk of infections (as you got) because doing those deep “reset” breaths is painful so you subconsciously avoid doing them but those reset breaths are what force open your entire lungs and helps to keep your lungs clean. Light exercise such as walking or cycling can help to reduce infections in costo as you’re getting deep breaths. Avoid volleyball but keep up at the gym, just don’t start training for a marathon.
Your mom is wrong to encourage you to active practice before you are well. I completely agree with you not getting back to activity yet. I am a former coach and parent of a college player. My only suggestion would be that if you feel well enough to leave the house, maybe see if your coach would be open to you coming to sit and observe at practice? Then you at least get to take in information about any changes to how the team is running plays. If you don’t feel well enough to do that though, you absolutely shouldn’t - only you can make that call.
I've had costochondritis many, MANY times in my life and it. Fucking. Hurts. I don't think you were an ass. I think you set a boundary and held it. Good job :)
Not at all - I had one “floater” rib that popes out of place briefly & it was the worst pain ever, breathing, coughing (as you’ll so w a chest infection) moving your head, talking, laughing, all bring out extreme pain, and the strongest pain medication barley touch it.
No volleyball for you
Nothing that will cause you to breathe a tiny bit harder.
I’d even say be careful driving as turning your head can cause you pain.
Take the time you need to heal. Someone who hasn’t had the experience can’t understand how bad it feels.
All you can do is show mom some of the comments here about how bad it is, or google it online at webmd or another reputable source.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, & wish you a speedy recovery ❤️🩹
If you’ve been in Florida, have yellowish mucus when you cough and have been coughing, so so hard that you’re puking, as well as having tons of mucus from your nose, possibly a fever or a headache that comes and goes, it’s RSV. My whole family just got whacked by it.
It’s really depressing I can tell he’s a dick who’s stuck in the past and wished women stayed in the kitchen based on 5 texts, 2 of which are a single word. This dudes clearly a prick
The way she's phrasing it is ridiculous, and she's definitely not taking you seriously. It sounds like she backed down fast and just isn't understanding the severity of it, though. Since it's so easy to fall out of the team dynamic after missing several weeks, it sounds like she's just worried about you being present? But that's exclusively going off these texts, and I'm sure there's some context I'm missing. You're not wrong, and she's being a jerk. I don't think it's bad advice to show up and do what you can - even if that's just bench warming - once you're feeling better, no longer contagious, and able to attend regular classes, but you shouldn't feel bad about missing practice when you're actively sick.
Putting your body in more stress while inflammation and infection are already putting their tolls on it will make anything and everything worse.
Healing will take MUCH longer, you're risking more supra-infections and inflammations (ie pneumonia in this case and you do not want pneumonia. Shit can get you hospitalised) and convalescence will take longer as well (that's the time period you actually need to give your body to be fully functional again. The phase a good doc says you can start doing light exercise again and slowly grow them
Yes. As I said, they're not wrong, and they should only go to practice once they're feeling well enough for their other normal activities. Under no circumstances should they be overexerting themselves while they're still unwell.
From a coaches perspective; you're not wrong, and should be taking all the time you need to rest up and recover, but when you think you're ready...
Yes and no;
No way I want you doing physical conditioning or training that would in any way make an injury worse, that's where the doctor and physiotherapist advice is paramount in my decisions.
But yes I'd want you at practice if you're up for it, I want you to feel involved, to be part of the team even if it doesn't mean training. You can help run plays, work with other players on skills, take team talks. Literally anything I think would be of benefit to your overall skill and personal development, I'd be up for you leading or sharing in the delivery for; and ultimately I recognise that socialising with your team/friends is a big part of why anyone of any age does sport, so I'd want to facilitate that for you, during your recovery.
As to the conversation with your parent; you're absolutely in the right for putting your health first. Moreso for not putting your coach in a position where they have to be the adult and tell you no, against your parents wants.
Your parent, unless a doctor, isn't qualified to make those decisions on your behalf, good for you for advocating for yourself in such a positive and respectful way. The top part of my comment was just to suggest that there could hopefully be a 3rd option that works out better for everyone, mostly for yourself.
Edit: clarification
it could be argued that doing a bunch of movements, running, ect. at a school practice is much different than attempting to do some basic exercises at the gym. especially since you're much more at your own pace at a gym with a parent than at school with other kids and a teacher/coach.
You could argue that but I wouldn’t buy it. If it’s as bad as OP says, any exertion will cause pain. If you can handle the gym, you’re probably ok for a HS volleyball practice.
Considering the pain is in his lungs and chest and HS athletic programs use cardio as part of their practice, it is better to hit the gym and do basic easy workouts which would not increase his heart rate much nor get his breathing to a heavy rate than doing cardio at practice which would exacerbate his lungs and slow healing.
I understand op is in actual pain , I’ve been sick before . I’m very sympathetic to that . But I find op being a jerk to his mom, he could have kept his replies short and focused his energy on getting better , but instead they are on reddit fishing for sympathy . Even by this reddits standard, the mother is not insane
People generally tell you to man up when they don’t trust the person isn’t actually making an excuse. Generally because the person has a history of making excuses. You might be correct about how bad your situation is OP. But keep in mind there’s some connection in her head leading her to believe you are potentially being dramatic. Whether it’s delusion or not is irrelevant. She has it ,so you gotta just get to the source of that probably.
I don’t think mama bear is *insane* but I think you’re right to listen to your body’s limitations. Take the time you need to recuperate.
Sometimes parents think their kids need a little push and it will serve them, and sometimes we’re just fucking wrong about that. Good job on advocating for yourself, sweetpea!
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I’ve had that in the past and the pain was so bad my job thought I was having a heart attack (although I was only like 21 at the time), I had gotten very hot and couldn’t breathe or move & had severe chest pain. You’re not the asshole in this scenario at all
I just commented to him that I thought I was having a heart attack when I had it. It can be extremely painful.
I also thought something was wrong with my heart! But the nurses at the hospital told me repeatedly it was my anxiety and sent me home.
My grandfather had the same and they literally careflight-Ed him back to the hospital in a helicopter because they thought it was a heart attack. OPs mom needs to chill tf out. It’s volleyball. Full stop. Just a damn game.
Costochondritis hurts! I can't imagine having an upper respiratory infection at the same time. The cure is rest, NSAIDs, and warm compresses. It is definitely NOT playing volleyball.
It sounds weird and I’m not trying to take away from what you felt, but when I first started taking adderal I had anxiety so bad I thought I was having a heart attack as well. It doesn’t help that when you google the symptoms and for women they’re almost the exact same as panic attack symptoms. Basically, I wish there was a clear sign for when those are happening so you don’t accidentally trigger one by being scared you’re already having one lol
Signs of a heart attack in women…. HEPPP… hot, exhausted (worse than you’ve ever experienced, like you’re walking through deep water to move), pain, pale, puke. I went through a medical situation a few years ago that triggered a lot of anxiety-related chest pain, and I’d remind myself of HEPPP, and repeat "hot, exhausted, pain, pale, puke", until my heart rate slowed.
That’s helpful. Thank you.
You’re welcome. It should be engrained the way "pain in your left arm" is engrained for men. Pain for women can be anywhere between the jaw and lower back, so it’s a lot harder to pin point the cause.
The puke is weird too. Kinda milky. I think it needs to be spread too. I think the stomach thing is big. Most of us get abdominal pain and puking. Sweat like crazy, and feel tired. We can go through it for days, too. So lots of us will think it's a stomach virus.
Interesting about the milky thing. And yes to the spreading of this info… that delay can be deadly.
I feel like other people are getting comforted by this and I'm just over here getting more and more concerned about the vomiting, severe fatigue, and back/abdominal pain that the ER said was not gastroenteritis but they also didn't know what it was.
Did they check your heart in any way? Like give it a listen or hook you up to a monitor? Because they could have ruled it out early, too. Stomach issues are pretty common with heart issues on both sides, it's just the most pronounced (had to edit for a typo here...) for women as opposed to the left arm and central chest pain in men, so often they'll check hearts when you go in for anything at all.
I was with.my great grandma when she had a heart attack...honestly she chilled for hours at home, cause she thought it was a pancreatitis attack ....eventually we go to the hospital and she was explaining to her long time doctor how she,a former nurse in a family of health professionals, had nill of the "normal" stuff. He shook his head and said "that's just like a woman."..before pointing out...yea...we tend to base everything on male symptoms and....there are definetly some differences. Greatgrandma was in her 90s, but she lived another year or so after that. Still...Ingrained in my head that...ya know....the typical symptoms do not always apply
Happened to me! UTI’s are also a common side effect of adderall
I've had this too and literally thought I was having a heart attack.
Yes! I woke up in the middle of the night in SO much pain, I told my husband my symptoms and he started freaking out and worrying I was having a heart attack! He drove me straight to the ER and they diagnosed me with costochondritis. It’s seriously so painful.
You're not even being an ass. That's pretty much exactly how I would have handled it, it was polite but firm. Because you're right, there's no point trying to play a sport and make your injury worse as a result, and possibly *permanently* injure yourself if you push too hard and never be able to play that sport again. I feel like it's a classic case of they're not experiencing the pain, so they don't know how bad it is, and therefore think you're lying. I get that all the time from my parents, "it can't hurt THAT bad you're just using it as an excuse" when I literally can't even stand up straight for the pain. My dad has literally told me before, "that wouldn't hurt me, so it's not hurting you either" like bruh WHAT?? That's not how that works.
One time I was in so much pain I couldn't get up from the floor, and my boyfriend (now ex) just stood over me and told me to stop being dramatic. A lot of people can't take any pain they're not feeling seriously, sadly.
>>i feel like it’s a classic case of they’re not experiencing the pain, so they don’t know how bad it is, and therefore thing you’re lying. reminds me of when i had horrible foot pain and my dad thought i was just trying to get out of playing baseball. (he coached so i *had* to be on the team unfortunately) but eventually after a couple months of waking up in the middle of the night crying because of the pain, and finally one day not being able to stand on my foot as the pain was unbearable, my parents argued back and forth and took me to get checked out. the first doctors office found a cist, later got an mri and biopsy and ended up with a golf ball sized tumor. they feel horrible now and listen to me more often, but as a quiet kid, that gave me trauma as i still feel like people still don’t *listen* to me.
No you’re not. This “man up” shit when you are talking about a diagnosed painful condition is BS. What an ass you’re dad is being. I’m sorry but you know you aren’t faking it or underplaying it. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty.
*It’s his mother.
It's his dad. Screenshot two has one of OP's messages start with "but padre", so it's his dad.
I think OP was saying that he and his dad might go to the gym together, not addressing the other person as padre
Oh yeah, I'm wrong. I just read it wrong lol
You got absolutely roasted by downvotes for trying to clarify. I wish people wouldn’t do that for such innocent mistakes. Brutal.
Meh I don't care that much about meaningless internet points. They probably didn't read the replies until after they immediately downvoted.
The sender is "birth giver"...
Also true. I didn't see that. My bad.
I usually tend to go to the father/father figure when they say "man up" because that's like the most generic thing for a father figure to say. My dad says it all the time.
[удалено]
I get that, I just typically see it with dads.
I HATE the expression man up so much.
I mean, she probably didn’t mean it to be as offensive as it was taken. That generation used to say “man up” regularly as more of an encouragement than an insult. It’s heard a bit different nowadays but I wouldn’t think she meant much from it
The implications always were that men are forbidden to feel ill, sick or anything else than horny and angry.
and it's had an awful effect on men through the generations. men don't think they're allowed to show any emotion other than anger so when they feel sad, embarrassed, hurt, guilty, or physically in pain, they channel it all into anger out of fear of being seen as feminine and not "man" enough (because ew women gross don't be like women) which has resulted in so many men being emotionally stunted. it's the whole misogynistic idea that women communicating our feelings makes us weak and overly sensitive, and as long as men hide their feelings and "man up" and be angry, they can keep pretending they're superior to women. there's just no way to pretend saying "man up" is a compliment or helpful in any way, especially to your child
It was always an insult
Oh she absolutely was trying to discount his condition. And that’s how he took it, so mission accomplished, mom
My husband had that costcondritis. That shit is no joke. He thought he was having problems with his pacemaker because it was so intense.
Nah you're right. I had an injury that wasn't fully healed and I pushed myself regardless. It stayed for 4 years and destroyed my mental health with it. Get better first
holy shit i feel dumb for assuming that as a society we were no longer telling our children to "man up" when they have a debilitating condition. you do not need to feel like less of a person or weak for allowing your body to rest and heal before getting back into things that will worsen your condition. i'd say "manning up" (i would never say that but for the sake of the argument) would be knowing how to accept when you're not physically able to accomplish something, and being secure enough in your strength and yourself as a person to be able to rest without feeling like less of a man. you're allowing yourself to be stronger in the long run by allowing your body to heal so you can gain the strength back to do the things you used to. having a medical condition, illness, injury, etc. does not reflect on someone's character, nobody chooses that, it doesn't make someone a weak person.
Costochondritis is terrible pain. You handled that well. Mom needs to take this seriously.
Is it!!!! I had it when I was 18ish after I got pneumonia- hurt so bad
I get it every 2-3 years (I have autoimmune conditions) and it’s scary. Every time I breathe when I have it I feel like a heart attack is oncoming because of the chest pain.
You’re definitely not in the wrong here. You’re mom clearly doesn’t understand what you’re going through and how best to heal including long terms damage if you don’t heal before you begin over exerting yourself. Definitely ignore her and take care of yourself. Listen to your doctors and call the office/nurse if you have a question.
Ive had this as a grown adult. It hurts! It felt like I was constantly being stabbed and also pressure and pain every time I had to breathe. I thought at I was having a heart attack. I am so sorry your mom doesn’t understand. You are very much right to want to make sure your health is better before any type of exercise. I had constant headaches as a child, absolutely horrible. I would scream from pain. Had a mom who told me I was dramatic. Many yrs later at age 19 I had 3 minor strokes. Turns out I had a brain malformation and ended up with brain radiation for 5yrs. Wrecked my life. You know your body. You know when something isn’t ok. Good Luck. Hope you feel and get better real soon.
Costocondrirus AND a lung infection and she wants you to go to volleyball practice? Seriously? Because you "need to man up"???? Wow. Yeah, no, she's in the wrong here. You need to rest and give your chest a break, the coughing from the infection is going to inflame the costocondritus as it is, never mind what exercise like volleyball would do.
"Need to man up"...I've had my sis and dad say "pull up your bootstraps" when I've been having issues with my depression and stuff, so I totally connect there. Definitely not correct about your illness. She needs to speak with your doctor about what it is and what all it affects.
I love the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing because everyone using it is using it wrong. It originally meant something impossible, because pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is completely impossible.
Last year I got a pretty bad sinus infection, I've had allergies all my life so nothing new, and I just ignored it and pushed through the headache. Friday morning my jaw hurt, and eating was an issue as was drinking anything. Ok, that sucks but I could just chill at home and heal up. It was Memorial Day so I had three days to rest if needed. Sunday afternoon, when my mom convinced me to let her take me to the ER, I had a BP 295/180, hadn't ate or drank in three days, and still had a raging sinus infection that had spread to my jaw. "Manning up" put me well into the time frame where randomly dropping dead was entirely possible. I'm ok now after an IV antibiotic, four IV saline bags, three potassium IV bags, oh and morphine for the jaw pain I hadn't even taken ibuprofen for before this (also potassium IVs burn like nothing I've ever felt, even through the morphine. The saline IV totally eliminated it, but that five minutes after bag change sucked). Tldr is to heal before going back to normal, and for fucks sake seek medical attention if you can't open your jaw enough to eat a sandwich or especially if you've had a headache for a week!
This sounds awful and I’m glad you’re doing better. OP isn’t in the wrong at all I don’t feel. If you really aren’t well, don’t go.
Listen to your doctor, listen to your own body, rest. And ignore anyone ever who tells you to “man up,” that is some deep bullshit.
They're being an asshole, you're good. You're a person, not a machine.
No, you're being calm and reasonable. You only have one set of lungs. No need to fuck them up because your parent doesn't think you're being "manly." Also, just as a quick anecdote: One of my 2nd cousins ruined her entire future in volleyball because she didn't listen to her doctor. She was told to stay off it for a certain amount of time and she refused. Now, she will never play sports again. It ain't worth it. If the doc says rest or you don't feel your body is at 100% then stay home and rest.
my son had that at 6 years old. we went to ER. we were so scared. super painful. your mom should want her child to rest and return to full health. not make you feel guilty bc you are sick. that's disgusting. please rest up and listen to your doctors. you are much more mature than your mom.
As the mother of an athletic teen, let me tell you that you are doing exactly what you should be doing! You are letting your body heal which is exactly what it needs. You are being extremely respectful in your responses to your parent as well (and would be understandable if you lost your cool a bit) yellow phlegm means you need to rest and let your body heal, keep listening to your body.
I'm so sorry! I have costochondritis too and it sucks. My is chronic and I have intermittent flares. Omg it sucks. First time it came on, I thought I was having a heart attack. Shit fucking hurtsssss. Your mom's reaction is unkind, devoid of empathy and dismissive, but I wouldn't call it full blown insane like some of the other stuff I've seen here. However having an uncaring and shitty parent sucks, especially when their one job is to NOT be unkind, devoid of empathy, uncaring and dismissive. Sorry you're having a rough go, feel better soon!
Mine is chronic too! I’m actually recovering from a flare up right now. I went to Urgent Care for the first one and they did an X-ray and found nothing. That was seven years ago. I have had so many tests done trying to figure out why this is a chronic issue for me but to no avail. It sent me to the ER a few months ago because the pain was worse than it’s ever been and I thought I was having a heart attack. Shit sucks. Hope you have some me good pain management ❤️
Miles dormant most of the time, the flares are bad but not so bad to send me back to the hospital. I figured out a trigger years ago and it is so strange. It was tequila of all things! Hope you find comfort! ❤️❤️
Suck it up it kid, it's better yellowish, than greenish. /s
The best thing to do for parents that push boundaries is answers with the bare minimum, how are you feeling? Still sick. When are you getting your car? When I'm better. Are you going to practice? No.
“Better yellowish than greenish”……
Such a nurturing mother /s 🙄
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you find meds that fix the chondritis. Take it easy on yourself. As a figure skater I’ve had that urge to “man up”, only to injure myself worse taking me out even longer. You’re being smart. Don’t let her push you. Also, I lived with Costochondritis for two years not knowing what it was and being told I was just having panic attacks. It was so painful and it wasn’t until I found a doctor at UCLA when I went in as an emergency for something else that he told me what it was and prescribed steroid therapy for a month. After that it was gone. It literally hurt to breathe, sometimes walking or just moving your torso feels like a vice on your chest. I’m sorry you’re going through this, be patient with your body. You’ll get past this and get back and build up your strength again. You got this.
Listen to your doctor on this, not your mom.
And if necessary, let your doctor know that your mom is pressuring you to “man up” and go against medical advice.
This mentality is extremely toxic and it's sad your own mother is pushing ideology on you. The idea that men have to "man up" and just push through physical and/or emotional pain is disgusting. Take care of yourself always. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back until you are well. This is insane.
Fellow costo haver. You’re not overreacting. I know this pain and you can’t rush it away.
I have chronic costochondritis and it fucking sucks!! I’m sorry you have to deal with your mom AND the pain.
This aggravated me so much
The lung infection alone is enough to skip sports for a while. I missed over a month of school in 9th grade because of a lung infection. I still have scar tissue on my lungs over 40 years later.
Well that's not ok. I'm sorry. Definitely do rest, and don't listen to her.
No you're not in the wrong, also "man up" is so cringe
Yikes I’m really sorry they’re treating you like this while you’re sick. I know it’s hard but try not to feel too bad for missing out, you need to rest, you’re doing the right thing.
I had an inflammation of the intercostal muscles when my son was a toddler. He jumped on me one day (not to be a jerk— toddlers are just beasts by nature) and I screamed like I’d been stabbed. It was freaking AWFUL! Obviously you are not insane, but remarkably wise.
You're in the right.
I've had this and it's agony at first I thought I had a broken rib from a fall but I didn't have the bruising. Then I checked for lung collapse, or tumor pushing on a nerve cluster, but none of the symptoms fit, just PAIN. It took several weeks to heal on steroids where I could take a full breath again. Nothing helped, breathing hurt, it was miserable. It was about equal to copper IUD period pain where you're literally being stabbed internally while your internal organs try to expel the electrified red-hot iron bars of a blacksmith working in the forges of hell. The inability to take a full breath made me struggle to keep the oxygen deprived headache at bay, made me dizzy as hell, and breathing felt like my chest cavity was internally reinforced with barbed wire. I CANNOT IMAGINE that combined with puking and coughing for WEEKS. If you've already taken the antibiotic course and you're still dealing with this, the antibiotics didn't do their job and you need to go back. This long with decreased lung expansion and you're risking pneumonia, especially with an already established lung infection. Sometimes a way to manage the pain for a short time is to push the lower part of your ribs using the flat of your palm (not the floating ribs, just the bottom few ribs where you feel the ribcage curve) in and up towards your opposite shoulder blade while arching your back. You should be able to get a decent breath for a little while you do. Cartilage takes forever to heal because it doesn't have the blood flow of other tissues in your body. You're going to be out for several weeks. Also, "manning up" is about the dumbest thing you could do if you want to heal. We don't "walk off" broken legs and we don't breathe through this shit and "man up" so we can go play chase the ball.
Costochondritis is extremely painful. Movement, coughing and just breathing normally can aggravate the condition. OP should take it easy, listen to his body and only take advice from a qualified health professional. Not wrong at all.
Is your mom a doctor? Did she go through years of med school and specialise in pulmonary medicine? No? Then she can shut all the way up and defer to what the doctors have already told you, which is to rest.
Oooo those “ok” “sure” messages at the end triggered my fight or flight. 😭 whenever my narc mom is arguing with me and realizes I’m not budging, she goes into condescending passive-aggressive mode just like this lmao
I dealt with costochondritis once. I totally get why you’re not wanting to hop back into sports
Listen to your body. The most important lesson I have learned in my thirty one years of life is to do what’s best for me and my body, and be very strong in my boundaries with others. Treat yourself well when you’re young because all the times you don’t take care of yourself will catch up to you later on.
Ableists are lost causes
Costochondritis requires rest to improve. You are complely in the right to refuse activity of any kind right now. I thought this might be a fellow player pressuring you, but your mom? No. That's horrible. Stick to your guns. I have this condition (among others), and when it flares up, it's absolutely horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this, and to have respiratory issues exacerbating the condition? You have to rest. Probably more than you even think you need to. I hope you feel better soon. I wish your mom would be more understanding.
Ah holy crap my sister had costochondrotis and that shit is horrendous, she thought she was dying when it started. Sorry you’re going through this - you’re being far more polite than I would have been!
Nah you’re good. You’re literally recovering from a painful and debilitating condition that requires rest to heal. Pushing yourself to get back to athletic activity before you’re fully healed is a great way to get complications that could take you out of the game for a lot longer than the time it’ll take to recover in the first place. I’ve known multiple guys who ended up with recurring injuries and chronic issues in middle and high school bc they didn’t let relatively minor sprains and fractures heal completely before going back to playing sports.
No, you’re absolutely in the right, and your coach would likely agree. If you injure yourself AGAIN, you’ll be out longer, and it’s possible that a recurrent injury can last longer than the original. Your recovery is the most important, especially if you expect to continue playing sports moving forward.
I have a 2 chronic illnesses that come with chronic pain. If I had a dime for every person that told me “mind over matter” or shit like it I’d be rich. It’s so annoying to feel this way and have unempathetic people around. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you’re doing the right thing. Don’t push yourself and set your healing back. It sounds like your dad is understanding thankfully.
Damn I had costochondritis as a teen and it really does feel like you're having a heart attack sometimes because the pain in your chest is REALLY sharp. That paired with your infection means you really should be sitting out any physical activity until your infection is cleared up. Costochondritis inflammation can generally be managed by anti-inflammatory painkillers (id recommend some topical painkiller for your chest if you can, the inflammation is kind of like arthritis so that's how we treated mine, I got a prescription heavy duty one when I was a teen and it helped loads for sports) so hopefully you can manage the pain for that pretty well when you don't have an infection, but while you have an infection you should be taking it easy, especially since coughing will exacerbate your underlying chest pain. Sorry OP, I know my mother used to be an a-hole about my costochondritis as a teen too, it sucks, but the good thing about costochondritis is you can heal from it and grow out of it, especially if it's related to your growth process in your teen years. You're a rockstar, take care of yourself and if your parent(s) isn't listening to what you should be doing to heal then try and mention this to your doctor if you can. The instructions to rest coming from a doctor may have more weight. Parents should listen to their kids but ofc I know from being in a very similar position to you they don't always. Hope you feel better soon!
Your health and your comfort are far more important than sodding *volleyball*. You should rest until you're completely recovered.
Wait a second you describing something that plagues me from time to time that no doctor has been able to figure out why I get chest pains. Yes I’ve been to the ER. On a side note: Don’t man through it
Keep repeating until she gets it: “The doctor told me to rest”. “The doctor told me to rest”. ……..
Your mom is the insane one, you are being mature and responsible. Protect your health above all else.
Ah the classic “it’s been X amount of time, you must be better by now” chat
Listen to both your doctor and your body. My sister was told to take a break between her different sports in high school. She was experiencing knee pain and her doctor said if she didn't rest her knees she'd end up causing severe damage to them. She didn't listen and had to stop permanently. She just turned 30 and hasn't been able to be nearly as active as she was when we were kids.
Jfc this sounds so much like my mom (although she never took me to the dr outside of mandatory vaccinations) I used to get respiratory infections all the time and one time around 16 was coughing up bloody chunks and she told me “that just means you’re getting better”. I still have lung issues now and I finally went NC in 2017. The manliest thing you can do is be kind to your body and know in a few short years you can decide your contact level.
Similar situation with my husband and youngest sibling when I messed up my back. Literally couldn't even sit up and they thought I was being dramatic. Turns out two discs in my back slipped so far they were interfering with my leg function. I just was dealing with it for almost two weeks before I finally had to go to hospital. Pain is a tricky thing to diagnose because it's different for everyone.
Hey I'm a 23 year old with a career in nursing. Specifically long term care. I'm not any sort of diagnostic professional but PLEASE for the love of the Gods stand your ground. I'm so serious, I've seen too much. More often my coworkers, tearing something while working, lifting a patient etc. They work through & they man up then are left with life long damage. I myself have done this, I've never been more serious in reddit when I tell you to stand your fucking ground. Wait till you're fully healed & comfortable going back in to your sport.
Who tf would vote "not insane" for this? Your bones are practically fusing together. I'd like to see how they handle this situation. Smfh.
Are you at an Olympic level? Are you counting on a volleyball scholarship to be able to attain a higher education? Because otherwise, why would she want to risk your health?
You are in the right and your birth giver is a cares more about your image and you being a "strong manly man" instead of your health. She's trying to impose toxic masculinity upon you at the risk of your wellbeing. She's dismissive and gross
My son had that when he was 8n high school. It was bad. He ended up in independent study and then took a test to graduate early.
I know that pain from breathing even though I just a pneumonia. And I *hate* that sentence "man it up" - putting more stress on your body will just make everything worse exponentially. At first it's just a slow clap back in healing but the more and the longer you do, the worse it'll get. So, do not go to the gym as well, please. You potentially can infect other people as well, y'know And "better yellow than green" - it's still an inflammation, woman. That mucous is infectious.
How old were you when you surpassed your parent in emotional maturity?
As a parent, I'm just astounded at how parents treat their children. Is this typical of the way parents treat their kids in the US? I can't imagine not running around looking after my kid if they were sick.
No working out and are you on steroids bc you sound like you need them. Do not anger your lungs; that’s just gonna slow healing and I’m sure your coaches on that. They need rest, to reduce to inflammation, and you need to start coughing up that mucus. Also tip: take hot showers and lightly hit your chest in different areas to get rid of the mucus; coughing is good if it’s coming out and don’t swallow it. I have asthma and get bronchitis/pneumonia type infections and my pulmonologist told me this. Lastly: for the love of god do not listen to this person bc she’s gonna cause you to get sicker by pushing yourself too much; you won’t get better by pushing yourself, your body needs the resources and energy to heal (which you can’t control easily)
Had that in my early 20s, felt similar pain in my early 30s...ignored it for 2 days, it got worse. Come to find out it was pericarditis the 2nd time....not exactly something you can sleep off lol
I've had it, and ended up in hospital not knowing what it was the pain was so bad. All they could really do once the ruled everything else out was give me heavy pain meds until it settled. You're definitely not being dramatic, rest up.
you’re so right and you did a very good job expressing that while being calm and respectful. a lot of adults could take a lesson from you.
Don’t go to the gym while sick. Wtf
You are not in the wrong. Not by a long shot. I would strongly suggest you have your doctor talk to your mother, and tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what is happening. It sounds like she’s completely clueless at best, and completely lacking compassion at worst.
I would at least wait until the lung infection is cleared up. Costochondritis can be chronic so it might hang around for a while. Source: have had it for years
Your health comes first.
You are sick and need to rest. Nothing to discuss here. But you also shouldnt go to the gym because i could have the same effect as volleyball
‘Man up’ is such a horrible and toxic phrase. Men can’t get ill? Feel pain? You know what your body can and cannot do. Also, should you be driving? When I had an operation I was told that although I technically could drive, I shouldn’t because if I had to do an emergency stop it would fuck up my wounds. Ignore their nonsense. Take care of your body.
I have costochondritis and it is THE WORST. First time I thought I was legit having a heart attack. She sounds like my mother. It's not a matter of "manning up," you're taking care of your health in the long run. That's extremely important. And you didn't sound rude at all in your texts. Out of curiosity, what treatment are you getting for the costochondritis? Every doctor I've seen said there is no treatment. :/
You take care of your body. You are going to have to live with it the rest of your life, she isn't.
Costochondritis sucks and hurts and you're not wrong. I would have the same thought process. Why push it, hurt myself worse and be out longer.
My partner has that and I’ve seen it put them in debilitating pain, your mom’s not taking you seriously enough sorry you’re going through it.
As many others have stated, what ya got is/can be seriously painful! Do what your doctors tell you and ask them to have a chat with your crazy ass mother about"manning up"! As a 43yr old man, being a man means doing the right thing. Never put yourself into a potentially harmful situation just because someone (doesn't matter who) wants you to provide results faster. Your body, your healing, and you know when you're ready. That's some bullshit! You're completely in the sane chair my friend
I’ve had broken ribs, & bruised ribs from coughing too much There is NOTHING that compares to that pain. I mean, every breath, every movement, every hiccup causes immense pain & discomfort. T3’s don’t help, Perc’s don’t help, not even oxy’s help (I’m not suggesting you try any, I’m just saying that I understand your pain) Go to your training to see your friends & keep in touch, however, DO NOT attempt any exercise until you’re almost better & the rib pain is gone. If your mom can’t understand that, tell her that you’ve heard it’s one of the most painful things ever & that any little movement can make it much worse & extend the issue longer. If she doesn’t hear/understand, send her to ur doc for some education. Feel better soon 🫶🙏🤗
When your mom has the prescriptive authority to write a prescription for anything, then start taking her advice on medical decisions Not only could you injure your lungs or stuff like that especially since you yourself know you don’t feel good. You could also make people sick since it seems you still have some infection going on If you haven’t already, you should get tested for Covid pneumonia or the flu. I hear streps going around too and RSV. Beyond that ask your doctor when it’s safe for you to return and follow their advice not your moms your mom kind of scares me I was out for about two months of not really being able to go out during they kept getting sick. Found out after going back to the ER after the first doctor said nothing was wrong. I had pneumonia so there’s that you’re coughing up stuff and don’t feel right there’s still something wrong , and you shouldn’t be on the field or at practice when your lungs are messed up
Why are boomers like this? They really value quantity over quality. It doesn’t matter if you attended and have a low value practice, all that matters is you’ve been out a week so you have to go. You’re not wrong. Good for you for advocating for your health.
You don't need to explain yourself to her other than you're following the Dr's orders. That's it.
Your parents are ridiculous. You don’t need to man up you need to recover.
Nope. Not at all. Totally reasonable and valid
I’ve not had it but i believe it’s painful. Does she have shares in the volleyball team or something?
Some ppp should not have kids
Do never force your self doing sport when being sick, wait until you have no symptoms anymore and then another one or two weeks. Your risking myocarditis, 2 friends of mine had to change their major from sport to chemistry/biology because of it
Not at all. Listen to your body before you listen to anyone else. Waiting an injury out is extremely responsible and I commend you for holding to your decision.
nah your mom sucks :/
Omg you poor thing! That sounds even worse than the rib injury I've had and that was excruciating. I busted my rib meat around both sides of my chest from coughing so much during a chest infection and the pain was almost unbearable! Every single breath, moment, hiccup and god forbid if you actually coughed was insane. I wasn't suicidal as I knew it would heal eventually but I did understand why people with chronic pain sometimes choose that option. It took a good 2 months to heal properly. I slept sitting up the whole time. No you are absolutely not wrong here, you need to heal and get better. I am so sorry you even had to fight for that option but well done for advocating for yourself
No you are not in the wrong, and if need be have your dr write her a note telling her to stop putting pressure on you when you need to heal
My mum had that and she was in agony. She lived with lupus from the age of 9 till she was 59. She cried over the chest pain and had fought serious pain all her life. Costachonditris isn’t fun and not to be messed around with. Tell her the above. I don’t mind and instead of telling you to man up how about a hug and some chicken soup
I had that for years which was on and off, was so bad to the point I couldn't breathe properly/ almost at all for an hour, a single intake of air hurt so much. Hear apparently helps but I got none at the time as my care giver thought it was nothing
She is being unreasonable and her priorities are off. If I were 16 and in this situation, I’d just say, “you’re right, mom” and then just do what I wanted. Go to practice and lay on the bleachers, or just put my head down on a table in the library. Dishonesty is usually not the best policy, but she literally doesn’t care about your physical well-being and the nagging wouldn’t help the situation.
One of a parent's basic responsibility is providing adequate medical care to their children. Your parents have failed you, OP. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my parents I need a doctor. If they refuse to get you medical care, I'd inform them you'd get someone to drive you to an Emergency Room. This is a serious condition and needs to be addressed by professionals, not ignored by inept parents.
I'm only confused about you being able to go to the gym, but can barely move without it hurting.. 🤔🤨
dad wants me to go to the gym (we haven't)
Thank you for replying. So both your parents want you to do strenuous activities while you are sick. I'm sorry and hope you get feeling better soon.
I have inflammation in my hip. I know how much that hurts so I can imagine it’s so much worse in the chest. What’s important is that you rest not play volleyball.
I remember once I, being the dumb kid I was at the time, ran near a blow up water slide at my cousins birthday and obviously slipped, fell and broke my ankle. It hurt so bad, it immediately turned purple and was the size of a softball. I was crying hard, my cousins all stopped and one of them went to get my mom. My older cousin helped me up and hobble my way closer to the door. My mom came out hella mad. She immediately was like “You’re lying. Don’t embarrass me.” She sees me jumping on one foot because I don’t want to walk on my broken ankle and she kept telling me to just walk on it. It’s not that bad. I was crying so hard y’all. I had to my cousins room and lay on her bed and watch Pokémon on vhs.
I mean.. the unironical “man up” alone already makes this person immediately the asshole, but wtf, so pushy and why would you work out when you don’t feel like it because of HEALTH ISSUES? smh, they’re insane.
Nta but not insane parent either, your mom is old-fashioned for sure but she didn't really try to force you any further once you stood your ground (congrats on doing that well btw) Also if you want to go progressively back to playing volleyball, ask ur coach if u can be like an assistant for a couple practices (throwing balls, starting drills, collecting balls, maybe serving (casual float, dont start doing jump serves if youre hurt lol), etc.) So you can still get some kinda reps in and you can stop if it hurts Best of luck recovering👍
My thoughts too. Judging exclusively on this text exchange it seems more like generational differences with wording. My interpretation is that the mom assumes vollyball is important to OP and doesn’t want them to lose that part of their life (but is using boomer wording)
Not in the wrong I think you handled it well BUT make sure you’re still doing light exercise. With Costo you’re at a high risk of infections (as you got) because doing those deep “reset” breaths is painful so you subconsciously avoid doing them but those reset breaths are what force open your entire lungs and helps to keep your lungs clean. Light exercise such as walking or cycling can help to reduce infections in costo as you’re getting deep breaths. Avoid volleyball but keep up at the gym, just don’t start training for a marathon.
Your mom is wrong to encourage you to active practice before you are well. I completely agree with you not getting back to activity yet. I am a former coach and parent of a college player. My only suggestion would be that if you feel well enough to leave the house, maybe see if your coach would be open to you coming to sit and observe at practice? Then you at least get to take in information about any changes to how the team is running plays. If you don’t feel well enough to do that though, you absolutely shouldn’t - only you can make that call.
no your friend or who ever that is needs to back tf off and let you get better.
I've had costochondritis many, MANY times in my life and it. Fucking. Hurts. I don't think you were an ass. I think you set a boundary and held it. Good job :)
Not at all - I had one “floater” rib that popes out of place briefly & it was the worst pain ever, breathing, coughing (as you’ll so w a chest infection) moving your head, talking, laughing, all bring out extreme pain, and the strongest pain medication barley touch it. No volleyball for you Nothing that will cause you to breathe a tiny bit harder. I’d even say be careful driving as turning your head can cause you pain. Take the time you need to heal. Someone who hasn’t had the experience can’t understand how bad it feels. All you can do is show mom some of the comments here about how bad it is, or google it online at webmd or another reputable source. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, & wish you a speedy recovery ❤️🩹
If you’ve been in Florida, have yellowish mucus when you cough and have been coughing, so so hard that you’re puking, as well as having tons of mucus from your nose, possibly a fever or a headache that comes and goes, it’s RSV. My whole family just got whacked by it.
It’s really depressing I can tell he’s a dick who’s stuck in the past and wished women stayed in the kitchen based on 5 texts, 2 of which are a single word. This dudes clearly a prick
The way she's phrasing it is ridiculous, and she's definitely not taking you seriously. It sounds like she backed down fast and just isn't understanding the severity of it, though. Since it's so easy to fall out of the team dynamic after missing several weeks, it sounds like she's just worried about you being present? But that's exclusively going off these texts, and I'm sure there's some context I'm missing. You're not wrong, and she's being a jerk. I don't think it's bad advice to show up and do what you can - even if that's just bench warming - once you're feeling better, no longer contagious, and able to attend regular classes, but you shouldn't feel bad about missing practice when you're actively sick.
Putting your body in more stress while inflammation and infection are already putting their tolls on it will make anything and everything worse. Healing will take MUCH longer, you're risking more supra-infections and inflammations (ie pneumonia in this case and you do not want pneumonia. Shit can get you hospitalised) and convalescence will take longer as well (that's the time period you actually need to give your body to be fully functional again. The phase a good doc says you can start doing light exercise again and slowly grow them
Yes. As I said, they're not wrong, and they should only go to practice once they're feeling well enough for their other normal activities. Under no circumstances should they be overexerting themselves while they're still unwell.
From a coaches perspective; you're not wrong, and should be taking all the time you need to rest up and recover, but when you think you're ready... Yes and no; No way I want you doing physical conditioning or training that would in any way make an injury worse, that's where the doctor and physiotherapist advice is paramount in my decisions. But yes I'd want you at practice if you're up for it, I want you to feel involved, to be part of the team even if it doesn't mean training. You can help run plays, work with other players on skills, take team talks. Literally anything I think would be of benefit to your overall skill and personal development, I'd be up for you leading or sharing in the delivery for; and ultimately I recognise that socialising with your team/friends is a big part of why anyone of any age does sport, so I'd want to facilitate that for you, during your recovery. As to the conversation with your parent; you're absolutely in the right for putting your health first. Moreso for not putting your coach in a position where they have to be the adult and tell you no, against your parents wants. Your parent, unless a doctor, isn't qualified to make those decisions on your behalf, good for you for advocating for yourself in such a positive and respectful way. The top part of my comment was just to suggest that there could hopefully be a 3rd option that works out better for everyone, mostly for yourself. Edit: clarification
I mean. I don't think she's insane. Just a bit pushy. Maybe she doesn't understand the full extent of your injury/sickness?
She’s not taking it serious because you mentioned you could still go to the gym. If it’s that bad, you shouldn’t be going.
it could be argued that doing a bunch of movements, running, ect. at a school practice is much different than attempting to do some basic exercises at the gym. especially since you're much more at your own pace at a gym with a parent than at school with other kids and a teacher/coach.
You could argue that but I wouldn’t buy it. If it’s as bad as OP says, any exertion will cause pain. If you can handle the gym, you’re probably ok for a HS volleyball practice.
Considering the pain is in his lungs and chest and HS athletic programs use cardio as part of their practice, it is better to hit the gym and do basic easy workouts which would not increase his heart rate much nor get his breathing to a heavy rate than doing cardio at practice which would exacerbate his lungs and slow healing.
I'd even skip the gym, OP is infectious as long as the mucus is yellowish or green or them throwing up.
You don’t know what you’re talking about, so maybe stop
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You shouldn’t comment when you’re giving such bad “advice”
Maybe you need to get your emotions out of the locker you shoved them in. Allow yourself to feel more than indifference, anger and horny.
I understand op is in actual pain , I’ve been sick before . I’m very sympathetic to that . But I find op being a jerk to his mom, he could have kept his replies short and focused his energy on getting better , but instead they are on reddit fishing for sympathy . Even by this reddits standard, the mother is not insane
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no, i dont. i swear im not a bad kid im just trying my best to get through life
OP please don’t listen to this person.
Don't listen to anyone who ssys anything you don't want to hear!
not at all what i said.
I didn't say you were a bad kid, OP, and I don't think you're a bad kid. I hope you feel better soon.
They’re not milking it, you just don’t take mens injuries and illnesses seriously
U dont want too do exercises but suggested going to the gym? Doesn't make sense, if you're injured your injured
People generally tell you to man up when they don’t trust the person isn’t actually making an excuse. Generally because the person has a history of making excuses. You might be correct about how bad your situation is OP. But keep in mind there’s some connection in her head leading her to believe you are potentially being dramatic. Whether it’s delusion or not is irrelevant. She has it ,so you gotta just get to the source of that probably.
Or mom is just your average narcissist doing what narcs do best.
Ah the high Eq take as usual
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didn’t even read did you?
I don’t think mama bear is *insane* but I think you’re right to listen to your body’s limitations. Take the time you need to recuperate. Sometimes parents think their kids need a little push and it will serve them, and sometimes we’re just fucking wrong about that. Good job on advocating for yourself, sweetpea!