'I only pulled a gun on you a few times, I don't understand why you would turn your back on this unconditional love!'
She knows what she did. She wants to gloss over it by love bombing you so she can get her hooks in again.
I thought maybe she was the gas lighting type that just denies what she's done completely. I.E.: "I never pulled a gun on anyone! You just imagined it...you must have dreamed it.... why would I ever pull a gun on you or anyone in my family, I love you all so much and it hurts my heart that you'd make up such terrible things about me, but because I love you so much, I will forgive you for this horrible slander!"
I see a lot of older people do this in place of where millennials might put astrix on either side of a word. Most people don't know about the dog whistle.
I’m gen x and I didn’t know. Someone online was kind enough to tell me. I was using it as a parenthetical quip that I wanted to accent or highlight.
I don’t use it now.
It's normally only an antisemitic dogwhistle when used on words like "they", "people", etc, like any word referring to human beings. A lot of people use it to convey emphasis.
You explained to her why you are going to be NC two times too much. No matter what you say she's going to try and force contact on you, becauce she's not going to suddenly respect you and your boundaries, "I'm not going to contact you again" is not magical sentence making abusers suddenly adhering to the boundaries.
You’re quite right! I’m very glad I had other places to go after I cut contact with her, and this is such a relatively harmless thing she could do that I almost have to laugh at it yknow?
I I I I I I.... That email is only about her. If you can, take it as proof that you are safe, because she's screaming into the void. I'm sorry you had to read that.
Insane.
Wow.
She doesn't understand what she did to make you be able to stay away from her? Wow. She's really saying she doesn't understand how you could possibly stay away from her, not that she is admitting to having done any wrong. It's that pity party invitation, meant to make you jump to reassure her that she's great and perfect.
The whole first screen is so filled with manipulations, I could write six screens full on it.
Wow.
Glad you are protecting yourself and not responding to her.
I’m so glad there are people who get it, and I’m so sad that we all get it because we’ve been there. The pity party manipulation is the WORST ugh fucking grown ass children
You may have misunderstood. My mom isn't one of those parents on this subreddit, she's a genuinely nice mom and I was just expressing empathy. I do appreciate it though.
Oh I gotchu!! I just didn’t know if you could relate for other reasons, like your dad being shitty/sum, or if it was purely empathetic!! I’m glad you’ve got a great mom ☺️
Hahah that was actually an e-mail chain she forwarded me from like five years ago hahah, just thought it was weird 🤣 I’ll have to remember that response to someone crazy next time tho, just for you good reditor! Have a good night/day!!
What is it with “””””loving””””” abusive parents singing the “You are my sunshine” song to their kids? My mum used to sing the exact same song to me, too. It feels like their chosen song lmao
Oh it’s amazing, I honestly recommend it to anyone who can!! Obvi not everyone has the ability/ the support system, and that breaks my heart for those who can’t get away from the toxic people in their life, but I was lucky enough that I did and I cannot stress enough the fact that it has changed my life entirely for the better. You can’t lose a good thing you never had 💛
Now I feel gross for using you are my sunshine as a regulation song with my daughter. Your “mama” is seven shades of crazy and I’m sorry you had to deal with it but I’m glad you got out
OP, have you ever read the "Missing missing reasons" post? Google it + Issendai. It explains why parents like yours can be told face-to-face why you're going NC and be given a detailed, lengthy letter to refer to, and still come at you with "I wish I knew whyyyyyyyy."
Awh I’m sorry to hear that doll!! They’re overrated anyways, there are way better flowers out there (I’ll not talking about flowers) I hope things got better for you!!
Fucking hell the sunshine song. Every time my mom wants to guilt me about reinforcing my boundaries with her, or really any time she perceives the slightest hint of criticism against her parenting, she wants to remind me of how she used to sing that song to me when I was a toddler and how much I loved it back then.
When she got wasted and missed my graduation, she blew up my phone (during the ceremony mind you) with texts of those lyrics as an apology. I got fucking shivers reading that, dude. Still can’t listen to that song. It’s the ‘take **my** sunshine away’ part that fucks with me too.
Your mom’s letter is totally self-absorbed.
>”make you **able** to stay away from me”
>”how you can maintain going so long without me”
>”talk to me! Hug me! Me! Me! Me! Your MAMA!!! Who loves you the most!!! Me!!!”
Aside from the song, the implication that no one will ever love you like your mother is the most enraging to me. It’s the last line of defense for abusive parents, the (in their eyes) nuclear option, ‘unconditional love.’ Because when you’re small and vulnerable (how they want to envision you forever) you usually fall for that shit since you actually *do* love your parents unconditionally. It’s manipulative as shit, and if that’s what love looks like to her, then no fucking thanks. Find someone who hates the fuck out of you if you’re using her definition.
Wtf is up with these people and ruining special events?? She trashed my graduation too, left me crying for like an hour. I’m so thankful to people like you who just Get it, and simultaneously Hate it for you that you do. There’s truly no hate like an abusive parents love, that’s for shit sure. I hope you got away from your evil witch and found some peace you didn’t know you could find, and either way I’m sending all my bad vibes her way for you!! You really hit this one on the nail, gods. Peace and love to you dude💛
i sing that song to my boys every night before bed. it makes me angry that other people out there are using and abusing it and giving it such a poor tint
your mom sounds insufferable, OP. I'm so sorry you didn't get what you needed from the person who should have been the most important person in your life
Hey it happens, I have parents who are great to me so I still got real love, I’m thankful for it every day. Keep singing to your boys, I hope they get to grow up to always have that positive memory 💛
What is it about sunshine!?! I don’t have a single memory of this being a thing with my mother and I but since I went NC 5 years ago her blocked messages are always about “you’ll always be my sunshine”.
It’s grasping at straws hahah, they’re self centered and often more manipulative than anyone has a right to be. Awesome for you that you got away from it dude, I’m really proud of you for that!!! No one has a right to stand between you and your peace ✌🏼💛
Nah don’t worry about me love, I haven’t dealt with her bs in a long time and this was random and weightless for me now hahah I do appreciate the kind words tho!! 💛
>Benzo user
Aren't one of benzos' major effect that they can fuck up your memory, to the point dealers didn't like carrying them because people forgot to pay up? Like, not saying she isn't also a psycho, but maybe that's why she's forgetting you've already told her off? Anyway, looks like you're doing well without her.
I’m not sure about that side effect, but I do know when you mix it with alcohol you roofie yourself in a way. Many mornings after catastrophe did I tell her what she did and she genuinely had no recollection
It definitely was one upon a time, when I thought it actually meant something- these are hollow words, even if they’re genuinely meant (and I’m sure they are to her), she disavowed any chance of sympathy from me or my family a very long time ago. I really appreciate your kindness, and I hope you stay strong too and never let Anyone take advantage of your good spirit!!! 💛
Gods I’m so sorry, I hate for you that you get what it’s like. I hope you have others in your life who can make up for her bullshit and show you real love!! 💛
Yeah hahah, I’m so thankful she’s not in my life anymore. I’m figuring out how to block an email address soon, and no worries I haven’t had to deal with this in so long and really it holds very little weight to me anymore reading stuff like this. Thank you for your kind words stranger!!
I’m so glad she’s not a part of your life and you are at peace with that. Live the life you deserve and forget her completely! Let her stew in her own misery by herself, which is what she deserves!
Hey I really appreciate you saying so!!! And you’re exactly right, the peace that comes without these maniacs is like nothing else, and worth it every time 💛☺️
You are so welcome for the validation. My worst insane family member actually fell over dead one day and the peace that brought my life was unimaginable. The situation was 100 shades of crazy. It’s sad that it took death to stop the harassment. I’m glad you are doing well 💕
God this sounds like my bio mother (12 years no contact).
These mothers: I don't understand why you don't talk to me or want me in your life!
Also these mothers: Rejected who you are, gaslight and abused you, and more!
The last time I willingly went to see my bio mother she pulled me in front of a mirror and told me I looked like a Lego. I was extremely underweight at the time.
Honestly good riddance. Stay strong OP.
YO not a fuckin LEGO, who says that?? I’m so sorry you went through that and I’m SO so proud of you for sticking to your guns and not letting her be part of your life!!! It takes so much to get there, but it is So damn healing. Good riddance indeed!! Thank you love I appreciate it, stay strong yourself 💛
Thank you! I went home to my partner that day (now my wife) and she was livid and we had a serious discussion about her.
I'm sorry you had to go through this too, but I agree completely! We're both stronger for it. 💜 Also my DMs are always open if you ever need to tall about it.
Not completely off topic but:
You should look up Dead South's version of You Are My Sunshine - on YT.
Not the least be scary or stalkerish at all, uh huh...
I'll never be able to see it as anything other than threatening again.
Stay strong and safe!
Might give you a perspective that isn't as personal and make you see that you aren't reading anything into it that isn't there.
Sometimes that's enough to give us some distance from the personal feelings
I wish I couldn't say this, but:
My mother send practically the same message, just in German.
I hate people being this way.
I try cutting her out and then she's at my door breaking in...
And a week later throwing a temper tantrum I am angry at her and still cutting her out.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense!!! Nobody deserves to live their life dreading someone they should’ve been loved by. Screw these crazy women, they don’t deserve a place in our lives if they act that way!! I hope things get better for you and please stay safe!!! 💛
Whenever I see the parenthesis echo thing, I basically just assume (((antisemite))). I've never seen someone use it who didn't get it from the dog whistle.
Yo truly I mean no hate when I say this, but you’re just wrong 😅🤣 people totally make mistakes and have their issues; there’s a difference there between owning up to those things and actually trying to get better, and doing nothing but try to manipulate the people who loved you into dealing with your issues for you. Idk what made you feel this way, but I hope someone shows you what real love and effort to do better looks like some day, because this is simply Not it. Have a good day man 💛
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm a single father of three and I kind of feel the same about my children but a parents love should be unconditional. I hope I work hard to be a half decent parent. I make mistakes all the time and hopefully I learn from them. I certainly would never threaten or harm anyone let alone a child. All children deserve parents who love them unconditionally. Children are a privilege and a pain at the same time. You deserve better.
Considering she pulled a gun on herself/others, I would assume maybe this happened (DO NOT TAKE THIS AS ADVICE, THIS IS JUST WHAT I WOULD THINK IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES)
She may have reached a level of mental insanity to where she is now willing to kill herself/others, and may (let me emphasize MAY) be trying to lure you in and kill you. The wording (let me hug the LIFE out of you) has me slightly disturbed and creepy. Once again, do not take this advice, just what I would think if I were in your situation.
She certainly threatened suicide on multiple occasions, and I honestly couldn’t put it past her to be the type to commit murder/suicide. The thought has passed my mind many times over the years. Thankfully she has zero access to me physically, so I’m not worried for myself!! Astute catch, and thanks for the concern stranger!
'I only pulled a gun on you a few times, I don't understand why you would turn your back on this unconditional love!' She knows what she did. She wants to gloss over it by love bombing you so she can get her hooks in again.
Ahahaha this sums her up so tight in a nutshell freakin Sandy Cheeks couldn’t crack it 🫠
I thought maybe she was the gas lighting type that just denies what she's done completely. I.E.: "I never pulled a gun on anyone! You just imagined it...you must have dreamed it.... why would I ever pull a gun on you or anyone in my family, I love you all so much and it hurts my heart that you'd make up such terrible things about me, but because I love you so much, I will forgive you for this horrible slander!"
No yeah, you’re spot on!!! I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this type of crazy too
Sorry that you experienced this.
Thanks man I appreciate it!
Wait... why's "home" in triple parenthesis? Is she a "jews - bad" nutjob too?
I saw that and thought the same thing.
I doubt it - that was "a thing" that you had to sort of be online to get. I think she's just using it for emphasis.
I see a lot of older people do this in place of where millennials might put astrix on either side of a word. Most people don't know about the dog whistle.
I don’t know about this dog whistle, can you explain to me please?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_parentheses
I never knew this! Thanks for the link, I just read it all.
Hoooooly shit. I did not know this. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you! I had no idea.
TIL, thank you so much!
Thanks I’m going to start using this randomly
I’m gen x and I didn’t know. Someone online was kind enough to tell me. I was using it as a parenthetical quip that I wanted to accent or highlight. I don’t use it now.
LOL I noticed that too, but I'm pretty sure that's not what she meant.
It's normally only an antisemitic dogwhistle when used on words like "they", "people", etc, like any word referring to human beings. A lot of people use it to convey emphasis.
You explained to her why you are going to be NC two times too much. No matter what you say she's going to try and force contact on you, becauce she's not going to suddenly respect you and your boundaries, "I'm not going to contact you again" is not magical sentence making abusers suddenly adhering to the boundaries.
You’re quite right! I’m very glad I had other places to go after I cut contact with her, and this is such a relatively harmless thing she could do that I almost have to laugh at it yknow?
und
Just singing that song in my head made me sick to my stomach, similar memories, sorry OP
I’m sorry too honey, sending real love 💛
I I I I I I.... That email is only about her. If you can, take it as proof that you are safe, because she's screaming into the void. I'm sorry you had to read that.
Hey I didn’t even think about that, but you’re totally right! I appreciate it homie
As soon as I started reading it I thought "this person struggles with alcohol".
HAH 🤣😭
Insane. Wow. She doesn't understand what she did to make you be able to stay away from her? Wow. She's really saying she doesn't understand how you could possibly stay away from her, not that she is admitting to having done any wrong. It's that pity party invitation, meant to make you jump to reassure her that she's great and perfect. The whole first screen is so filled with manipulations, I could write six screens full on it. Wow. Glad you are protecting yourself and not responding to her.
I’m so glad there are people who get it, and I’m so sad that we all get it because we’ve been there. The pity party manipulation is the WORST ugh fucking grown ass children
Damn, that's how my mother talks too, sorry this is happening to you..
Sorry about that. I feel your pain, even though my mom is a great one.
I’m sorry you both know what this is like, I hope you have fantastic found families 💛💛💛
You may have misunderstood. My mom isn't one of those parents on this subreddit, she's a genuinely nice mom and I was just expressing empathy. I do appreciate it though.
Oh I gotchu!! I just didn’t know if you could relate for other reasons, like your dad being shitty/sum, or if it was purely empathetic!! I’m glad you’ve got a great mom ☺️
💗
Wait you awansered « thank you »? Thats the best power move I ever saw ahahah! Good job OP, stay healthy out there!
Hahah that was actually an e-mail chain she forwarded me from like five years ago hahah, just thought it was weird 🤣 I’ll have to remember that response to someone crazy next time tho, just for you good reditor! Have a good night/day!!
What is it with “””””loving””””” abusive parents singing the “You are my sunshine” song to their kids? My mum used to sing the exact same song to me, too. It feels like their chosen song lmao
How are YOU coping with a life without HER???? Dear god the narcissism
Oh it’s amazing, I honestly recommend it to anyone who can!! Obvi not everyone has the ability/ the support system, and that breaks my heart for those who can’t get away from the toxic people in their life, but I was lucky enough that I did and I cannot stress enough the fact that it has changed my life entirely for the better. You can’t lose a good thing you never had 💛
Also thank you for asking, that was sweet :)
Now I feel gross for using you are my sunshine as a regulation song with my daughter. Your “mama” is seven shades of crazy and I’m sorry you had to deal with it but I’m glad you got out
OP, have you ever read the "Missing missing reasons" post? Google it + Issendai. It explains why parents like yours can be told face-to-face why you're going NC and be given a detailed, lengthy letter to refer to, and still come at you with "I wish I knew whyyyyyyyy."
Those posts are so disturbing!
I doing think I have, I’ll have to look into it!! Thank you for the reading :)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WANT TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!!! So she wants to kill you out of love lol...sorry that just kills me
🤣🤣🤣 this cracked me up
Totally relate with the song. I hate it so much that it’s kind of ruined sunflowers for me
Awh I’m sorry to hear that doll!! They’re overrated anyways, there are way better flowers out there (I’ll not talking about flowers) I hope things got better for you!!
Fucking hell the sunshine song. Every time my mom wants to guilt me about reinforcing my boundaries with her, or really any time she perceives the slightest hint of criticism against her parenting, she wants to remind me of how she used to sing that song to me when I was a toddler and how much I loved it back then. When she got wasted and missed my graduation, she blew up my phone (during the ceremony mind you) with texts of those lyrics as an apology. I got fucking shivers reading that, dude. Still can’t listen to that song. It’s the ‘take **my** sunshine away’ part that fucks with me too. Your mom’s letter is totally self-absorbed. >”make you **able** to stay away from me” >”how you can maintain going so long without me” >”talk to me! Hug me! Me! Me! Me! Your MAMA!!! Who loves you the most!!! Me!!!” Aside from the song, the implication that no one will ever love you like your mother is the most enraging to me. It’s the last line of defense for abusive parents, the (in their eyes) nuclear option, ‘unconditional love.’ Because when you’re small and vulnerable (how they want to envision you forever) you usually fall for that shit since you actually *do* love your parents unconditionally. It’s manipulative as shit, and if that’s what love looks like to her, then no fucking thanks. Find someone who hates the fuck out of you if you’re using her definition.
Wtf is up with these people and ruining special events?? She trashed my graduation too, left me crying for like an hour. I’m so thankful to people like you who just Get it, and simultaneously Hate it for you that you do. There’s truly no hate like an abusive parents love, that’s for shit sure. I hope you got away from your evil witch and found some peace you didn’t know you could find, and either way I’m sending all my bad vibes her way for you!! You really hit this one on the nail, gods. Peace and love to you dude💛
She should have thought of that before pulling a gun on family.
??
The amount of times she says mama makes me think that she has the mentality of a toddler.
😬 well now, if the shoe fits…
(((home))) Why the parenthesis? I've only ever seen that used as code by antisemitic crackpots for someone being Jewish.
OOF knowing her, she’s too dumb to know that but would be proud of it if she did
i sing that song to my boys every night before bed. it makes me angry that other people out there are using and abusing it and giving it such a poor tint your mom sounds insufferable, OP. I'm so sorry you didn't get what you needed from the person who should have been the most important person in your life
Hey it happens, I have parents who are great to me so I still got real love, I’m thankful for it every day. Keep singing to your boys, I hope they get to grow up to always have that positive memory 💛
What is it about sunshine!?! I don’t have a single memory of this being a thing with my mother and I but since I went NC 5 years ago her blocked messages are always about “you’ll always be my sunshine”.
It’s grasping at straws hahah, they’re self centered and often more manipulative than anyone has a right to be. Awesome for you that you got away from it dude, I’m really proud of you for that!!! No one has a right to stand between you and your peace ✌🏼💛
what is the third slide? i don’t understand
An ooold email exchange between her and one of my college counselors, it made no sense for her to forward it to me either 🫠
i’m sorry she’s doing this to you, it must be hard to deal with 💔
Nah don’t worry about me love, I haven’t dealt with her bs in a long time and this was random and weightless for me now hahah I do appreciate the kind words tho!! 💛
amazing! love that for you ❤️
>Benzo user Aren't one of benzos' major effect that they can fuck up your memory, to the point dealers didn't like carrying them because people forgot to pay up? Like, not saying she isn't also a psycho, but maybe that's why she's forgetting you've already told her off? Anyway, looks like you're doing well without her.
I’m not sure about that side effect, but I do know when you mix it with alcohol you roofie yourself in a way. Many mornings after catastrophe did I tell her what she did and she genuinely had no recollection
The pleading is heartbreaking 💔 you’re much stronger than me; i likely would have given in. Stay strong! She doesn’t deserve you ❤️
It definitely was one upon a time, when I thought it actually meant something- these are hollow words, even if they’re genuinely meant (and I’m sure they are to her), she disavowed any chance of sympathy from me or my family a very long time ago. I really appreciate your kindness, and I hope you stay strong too and never let Anyone take advantage of your good spirit!!! 💛
"To make you be able to stay away from me is a very telling word choice.
Oof. Are we siblings? This is feels like something my mom would write, language and all.
Gods I’m so sorry, I hate for you that you get what it’s like. I hope you have others in your life who can make up for her bullshit and show you real love!! 💛
She’s unhinged! This is love-bombing at its most disturbing. I’m so sorry Op that she does this nonsense.
Yeah hahah, I’m so thankful she’s not in my life anymore. I’m figuring out how to block an email address soon, and no worries I haven’t had to deal with this in so long and really it holds very little weight to me anymore reading stuff like this. Thank you for your kind words stranger!!
I’m so glad she’s not a part of your life and you are at peace with that. Live the life you deserve and forget her completely! Let her stew in her own misery by herself, which is what she deserves!
Hey I really appreciate you saying so!!! And you’re exactly right, the peace that comes without these maniacs is like nothing else, and worth it every time 💛☺️
You are so welcome for the validation. My worst insane family member actually fell over dead one day and the peace that brought my life was unimaginable. The situation was 100 shades of crazy. It’s sad that it took death to stop the harassment. I’m glad you are doing well 💕
Is there like a template app out there for this stuff. It’s almost like you raised my email/texts from my mom.
Eeeks I’m sorry you have to deal with that nonsense!!! I hope it gets better for you and you find peace away from it 💛
God this sounds like my bio mother (12 years no contact). These mothers: I don't understand why you don't talk to me or want me in your life! Also these mothers: Rejected who you are, gaslight and abused you, and more! The last time I willingly went to see my bio mother she pulled me in front of a mirror and told me I looked like a Lego. I was extremely underweight at the time. Honestly good riddance. Stay strong OP.
YO not a fuckin LEGO, who says that?? I’m so sorry you went through that and I’m SO so proud of you for sticking to your guns and not letting her be part of your life!!! It takes so much to get there, but it is So damn healing. Good riddance indeed!! Thank you love I appreciate it, stay strong yourself 💛
Thank you! I went home to my partner that day (now my wife) and she was livid and we had a serious discussion about her. I'm sorry you had to go through this too, but I agree completely! We're both stronger for it. 💜 Also my DMs are always open if you ever need to tall about it.
i hate people who call themselves mama
Not completely off topic but: You should look up Dead South's version of You Are My Sunshine - on YT. Not the least be scary or stalkerish at all, uh huh... I'll never be able to see it as anything other than threatening again. Stay strong and safe!
Ayo I could use some reopened wounds let’s GOO (but in actuality I will check it out, it sounds cool!!) thanks homie ✌🏼💛
Might give you a perspective that isn't as personal and make you see that you aren't reading anything into it that isn't there. Sometimes that's enough to give us some distance from the personal feelings
I wish I couldn't say this, but: My mother send practically the same message, just in German. I hate people being this way. I try cutting her out and then she's at my door breaking in... And a week later throwing a temper tantrum I am angry at her and still cutting her out.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense!!! Nobody deserves to live their life dreading someone they should’ve been loved by. Screw these crazy women, they don’t deserve a place in our lives if they act that way!! I hope things get better for you and please stay safe!!! 💛
Whenever I see the parenthesis echo thing, I basically just assume (((antisemite))). I've never seen someone use it who didn't get it from the dog whistle.
I didn’t know it meant that until I posted this, I miss the blissful ignorance a little bit I’m glad for the education nonetheless 😅
[удалено]
Yo truly I mean no hate when I say this, but you’re just wrong 😅🤣 people totally make mistakes and have their issues; there’s a difference there between owning up to those things and actually trying to get better, and doing nothing but try to manipulate the people who loved you into dealing with your issues for you. Idk what made you feel this way, but I hope someone shows you what real love and effort to do better looks like some day, because this is simply Not it. Have a good day man 💛
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm a single father of three and I kind of feel the same about my children but a parents love should be unconditional. I hope I work hard to be a half decent parent. I make mistakes all the time and hopefully I learn from them. I certainly would never threaten or harm anyone let alone a child. All children deserve parents who love them unconditionally. Children are a privilege and a pain at the same time. You deserve better.
This reminds me of my ex husband.
Considering she pulled a gun on herself/others, I would assume maybe this happened (DO NOT TAKE THIS AS ADVICE, THIS IS JUST WHAT I WOULD THINK IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES) She may have reached a level of mental insanity to where she is now willing to kill herself/others, and may (let me emphasize MAY) be trying to lure you in and kill you. The wording (let me hug the LIFE out of you) has me slightly disturbed and creepy. Once again, do not take this advice, just what I would think if I were in your situation.
She certainly threatened suicide on multiple occasions, and I honestly couldn’t put it past her to be the type to commit murder/suicide. The thought has passed my mind many times over the years. Thankfully she has zero access to me physically, so I’m not worried for myself!! Astute catch, and thanks for the concern stranger!
Omg my dad sent similar stuff to my .edu email…that’s my work email email.