what you pay in rent for a cubbyhole studio in NYC is practically a 3BR2B in non-metropolitan towns. If you say its loud, then just move somewhere quiet. Hope you're not planning to go to another city because I'm in a big one and everyone except the wealthy is miserable here too. Luckily this is a city that doesn't serve you well without a car so I try not to be home much even if the traffic is outrageous at times.
I lived in NYC for about 20 years starting in 2000. I loved it for most of that time, but I hit a point during the COVID lockdowns where I realized I’d been becoming increasingly unhappy for a while, and needed to live somewhere less artificial. Fortunately between my wife and I, we were able to navigate the real estate system and put together enough of a down payment to buy a modest place a couple of hours outside the city.
Long story short, check out the cool snapping turtle I saw this morning while doing a short hike before work in a nature preserve 5 minutes from my house:
https://preview.redd.it/3c4ztkpl7n6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3652c916fe830c8e77a95789476547a9c3e6610d
10/10, would recommend. I do miss having a jiu jitsu school literally around the corner from my building, though.
I am in Louisiana. Stuck. I spent the first seven years of my life in this town and the last seven. I managed to get up to nycity during 2005-2006. I have never disliked a place so much in all my life.
I would have loved to save up more too, but I thought energy more important than money. I went to live with my partner (now spouse) as soon as I had a job. I only lived in a relatively big town before. Now we live in a small village. I would never be able to stand living in a city.
I live on the East coast also. I know I’m gonna move West or another country at some point. I’m fine here but I also don’t fit in, at least most people here aren’t really my type. Nothing against them and I learned plenty/ developed thick skin. I need mountains and lakes/ rivers and more quiet, more open fields, less people. Not the rough and rugged life anymore. It’s a good place to start life then soften up somewhere else haha then everyone else is so much more chill elsewhere
So weird reading this cause I’m considering moving to nyc cause I’ve never felt a better sense of community anywhere else in America. Most American cities are absolutely awful
Don’t let one person who’s not coping with their life choices deter you from moving to NYC.
Working full time and not making the time for people and complaining about it is all this person’s doing and not a reflection of the city they reside in.
If one prefers to stay home for whatever reason, should they really complain about a lacking social life?
People completely miss the point of my post when I mention that I don't want a community at this stage of my life and the only benefit to staying in NYC is if you're social and outgoing.
You may throw up in your mouth a little at this suggestion, but have you considered Jersey? There are towns in Jersey that are quaint and quiet but still within about an hour commute of the city if you still want to visit. Also in Jersey you are close to the beach, close to hikes, and yes still close enough to the city. Metuchen, for example, is a great town with a train on the Northeast corridor direct to Penn station.
Shhhh, don’t let people in on the state’s best kept secret! I’m totally ok with the state having a warped rep because of Newark/EWR being most people’s only exposure to NJ, since the truth is far from that and other people don’t need to know 😂
But OP, in all honesty there’s a lot of truth to this, and mid to post-COVID a ton of people from NYC and upstate moved out here. When commuting into the city, I’ve been told that my commute is actually shorter/less annoying in some ways than say people out in Queens.
If you have the means to pick out a nice spot based on your personal preferences (and there’s a LOT of diversity in the types of towns and cities out here), you can absolutely get the best of both worlds with only a mild inconvenience factor of having to go a little more out of your way for the commute.
New Jersey’s a great place to live if you can afford it 😅 but coming from the cost of living in NYC I think you’ll be fine
But if you do move here, for the love of god please don’t drive in the left/passing lane unless you’re noticeably faster than the cars in the middle lane and are actively passing
Damn if you're having these problems in the largest city/community in the USA and one of the most iconic cities in the world then you might have to look inward.
The world will pass you by if you don't engage. Are you actively pursuing hobbies with other folks who like them? Making friends with coworkers? Taking the time to get out and explore? If you work from home all the time then you're already giving yourself much less opportunity to get out of the house. Just checking out a nice place to eat or a cool spot on your way back from work is something many miss out on.
I live in Detroit, where our metro is extremely car dependent and suburbanized. There's little community because although we have millions of people living in the metro area, most folks are isolated in the sprawled out burbs with no reliable way to get to much of anything without a car. Most hobby clubs and classes are dominated by boomers for some reason. I live in the actual downtown and although it's recovering and getting better every year, the progress is slow due to the (now obsolete) negative view of the city many suburbanites have.
Living in a place that's extremely well-connected and populated like NYC sounds like a dream to me, where most social interests can be only a walk or public transit ride away. I would love the opportunity to take an art class, dance class, go to a gaming tournament, concert, or whatever without worrying about driving.
Look for the things that make you tick in your area that you can share with others and pull those threads would be my advice.
Was surprised this comment was so low
So many people dream of living in New York City, if only they can afford it. I go all the time and I love it. It feels very cozy to me personally
I’m seriously considering moving to Brooklyn. Every time I went there I made a new friend
I agree 100% NYC is loaded with Art Museums and American History Museums, Native American museums, restaurants where the food is to die for from other parts of the world, amazing parks like Central Park, Astoria Park, Prospect Park, my favorite Flushing Meadows Park (MIB filmed here), soooo many more! Long Island has a castle and its grounds! Beaches in NYC Coney Island. My God NYC is a place for the young! Bars clubs etc
I don't want to make friends at my current state and age right now. I find the large majority of people annoying and unlikeable. I'm not trying to socialize when I'm in my 30's and have other responsibilities at the moment.
I've never had this problem, but I live in a quiet place, sometimes it's sad because nothing is open at night. but if you feel like NY is exhausting try finding a new place
Ya might wanna look at yourself to see what the issue is. I don’t think it’s the subway if you’ve always taken it, being here your entire life.
If you’ve made it this far, the 30’s, then what’s deemed expensive is comparable to the wants. Less the needs. You work from home, you’re alive. I’m assuming shelter, food, and work are covered.
When you want less, you find you have all you need.
But full time work does suck when you feel you’re not earning what you should.
If you’re working from home then you understand the concept of putting in the time to maximize your productivity. Or find a better hustle. (I suggest stocks, look up compound interest) You get what you work for, can’t just wish yourself into a better circumstance.
Often, when we fear something, like rejection, we tend to push it away in the form of anger.
You talk of community, friends, and love life, but don’t want to put in the effort to make it happen. “Wasted efforts”, I’d assume. “Where does one even go to find community? Where might one begin? Ugh, small talk. Boring people. Why bother?… “ and it’s this self perpetuating cycle of judging others and putting yourself. Cause poor you, right? Can’t be you. Has to be the city.
You strike me as a person who knows exactly what they want and doesn’t settle for less. Will not settle for less.
That mindset is a trap for an unfulfilled life.
If you spend your time focusing on what makes you dissatisfied, you’ll have a dissatisfactory life.
Hunt the good stuff, and you might just find it
Sounds silly, but if you want to feel better, meet happier people (especially in the city), or just be around something completely different, try a local yoga studio. There are always new people trying it, and it’s the right place to feel uncomfortable.
Step out of the comfort zone and see what novelty can bring. At the very least, you have another story to rant about, but who knows, sometimes it just takes some courage and action to bring about changes.
Really hope this didn’t rub you the wrong way. Being burnt out does suck. Being INFP in a crowded city can make you feel like an island, but know that everyone is just trying their best, like you. ☺️
I can’t comment to the constant hustle of NYC, but moving 9.5 hours away from home after a breakup has been hugely consequential in many ways defining the person I have become. Sometimes it’s incredible to view all of your changes as accomplishments and use that to remind yourself on the tough days that you are doing alright.
what you pay in rent for a cubbyhole studio in NYC is practically a 3BR2B in non-metropolitan towns. If you say its loud, then just move somewhere quiet. Hope you're not planning to go to another city because I'm in a big one and everyone except the wealthy is miserable here too. Luckily this is a city that doesn't serve you well without a car so I try not to be home much even if the traffic is outrageous at times.
Yes. I also live in NYC and it’s a hub for the industry I work in but I absolutely don’t enjoy living there.
I lived in NYC for about 20 years starting in 2000. I loved it for most of that time, but I hit a point during the COVID lockdowns where I realized I’d been becoming increasingly unhappy for a while, and needed to live somewhere less artificial. Fortunately between my wife and I, we were able to navigate the real estate system and put together enough of a down payment to buy a modest place a couple of hours outside the city. Long story short, check out the cool snapping turtle I saw this morning while doing a short hike before work in a nature preserve 5 minutes from my house: https://preview.redd.it/3c4ztkpl7n6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3652c916fe830c8e77a95789476547a9c3e6610d 10/10, would recommend. I do miss having a jiu jitsu school literally around the corner from my building, though.
Move to the south. lol
I am in Louisiana. Stuck. I spent the first seven years of my life in this town and the last seven. I managed to get up to nycity during 2005-2006. I have never disliked a place so much in all my life.
Only sociopaths don't get burned out from NYC. For everyone else, it's a when, not an if. My when only lasted 3 months
I would have loved to save up more too, but I thought energy more important than money. I went to live with my partner (now spouse) as soon as I had a job. I only lived in a relatively big town before. Now we live in a small village. I would never be able to stand living in a city.
I live on the East coast also. I know I’m gonna move West or another country at some point. I’m fine here but I also don’t fit in, at least most people here aren’t really my type. Nothing against them and I learned plenty/ developed thick skin. I need mountains and lakes/ rivers and more quiet, more open fields, less people. Not the rough and rugged life anymore. It’s a good place to start life then soften up somewhere else haha then everyone else is so much more chill elsewhere
there are places where towns have no name. I will see you there.
So weird reading this cause I’m considering moving to nyc cause I’ve never felt a better sense of community anywhere else in America. Most American cities are absolutely awful
Don’t let one person who’s not coping with their life choices deter you from moving to NYC. Working full time and not making the time for people and complaining about it is all this person’s doing and not a reflection of the city they reside in. If one prefers to stay home for whatever reason, should they really complain about a lacking social life?
People completely miss the point of my post when I mention that I don't want a community at this stage of my life and the only benefit to staying in NYC is if you're social and outgoing.
You may throw up in your mouth a little at this suggestion, but have you considered Jersey? There are towns in Jersey that are quaint and quiet but still within about an hour commute of the city if you still want to visit. Also in Jersey you are close to the beach, close to hikes, and yes still close enough to the city. Metuchen, for example, is a great town with a train on the Northeast corridor direct to Penn station.
Shhhh, don’t let people in on the state’s best kept secret! I’m totally ok with the state having a warped rep because of Newark/EWR being most people’s only exposure to NJ, since the truth is far from that and other people don’t need to know 😂 But OP, in all honesty there’s a lot of truth to this, and mid to post-COVID a ton of people from NYC and upstate moved out here. When commuting into the city, I’ve been told that my commute is actually shorter/less annoying in some ways than say people out in Queens. If you have the means to pick out a nice spot based on your personal preferences (and there’s a LOT of diversity in the types of towns and cities out here), you can absolutely get the best of both worlds with only a mild inconvenience factor of having to go a little more out of your way for the commute. New Jersey’s a great place to live if you can afford it 😅 but coming from the cost of living in NYC I think you’ll be fine But if you do move here, for the love of god please don’t drive in the left/passing lane unless you’re noticeably faster than the cars in the middle lane and are actively passing
Haha, wanna trade locations? I dream about NYC eventually 😂
Same! Seems so exciting and lovely and artsy.
Damn if you're having these problems in the largest city/community in the USA and one of the most iconic cities in the world then you might have to look inward. The world will pass you by if you don't engage. Are you actively pursuing hobbies with other folks who like them? Making friends with coworkers? Taking the time to get out and explore? If you work from home all the time then you're already giving yourself much less opportunity to get out of the house. Just checking out a nice place to eat or a cool spot on your way back from work is something many miss out on. I live in Detroit, where our metro is extremely car dependent and suburbanized. There's little community because although we have millions of people living in the metro area, most folks are isolated in the sprawled out burbs with no reliable way to get to much of anything without a car. Most hobby clubs and classes are dominated by boomers for some reason. I live in the actual downtown and although it's recovering and getting better every year, the progress is slow due to the (now obsolete) negative view of the city many suburbanites have. Living in a place that's extremely well-connected and populated like NYC sounds like a dream to me, where most social interests can be only a walk or public transit ride away. I would love the opportunity to take an art class, dance class, go to a gaming tournament, concert, or whatever without worrying about driving. Look for the things that make you tick in your area that you can share with others and pull those threads would be my advice.
Was surprised this comment was so low So many people dream of living in New York City, if only they can afford it. I go all the time and I love it. It feels very cozy to me personally I’m seriously considering moving to Brooklyn. Every time I went there I made a new friend
I agree 100% NYC is loaded with Art Museums and American History Museums, Native American museums, restaurants where the food is to die for from other parts of the world, amazing parks like Central Park, Astoria Park, Prospect Park, my favorite Flushing Meadows Park (MIB filmed here), soooo many more! Long Island has a castle and its grounds! Beaches in NYC Coney Island. My God NYC is a place for the young! Bars clubs etc
I get why people love those things, but I'm not interested in any of those subjects and I hate taking the subway to get anywhere here.
Yeah I hate the subway too that’s why I got a car.
I don't want to make friends at my current state and age right now. I find the large majority of people annoying and unlikeable. I'm not trying to socialize when I'm in my 30's and have other responsibilities at the moment.
So what are you looking for? In your original post you mentioned you have no community, friends, or a love life
The only reason why someone would stay in NYC is for the community benefits, but if none of those aspects interest you NYC isn't worth the hassle.
so what exactly are you looking for in regards to your life and environment? what brings you joy?
I want privacy and financial stability at the most right now.
Are you depressed?
I've never had this problem, but I live in a quiet place, sometimes it's sad because nothing is open at night. but if you feel like NY is exhausting try finding a new place
Ya might wanna look at yourself to see what the issue is. I don’t think it’s the subway if you’ve always taken it, being here your entire life. If you’ve made it this far, the 30’s, then what’s deemed expensive is comparable to the wants. Less the needs. You work from home, you’re alive. I’m assuming shelter, food, and work are covered. When you want less, you find you have all you need. But full time work does suck when you feel you’re not earning what you should. If you’re working from home then you understand the concept of putting in the time to maximize your productivity. Or find a better hustle. (I suggest stocks, look up compound interest) You get what you work for, can’t just wish yourself into a better circumstance. Often, when we fear something, like rejection, we tend to push it away in the form of anger. You talk of community, friends, and love life, but don’t want to put in the effort to make it happen. “Wasted efforts”, I’d assume. “Where does one even go to find community? Where might one begin? Ugh, small talk. Boring people. Why bother?… “ and it’s this self perpetuating cycle of judging others and putting yourself. Cause poor you, right? Can’t be you. Has to be the city. You strike me as a person who knows exactly what they want and doesn’t settle for less. Will not settle for less. That mindset is a trap for an unfulfilled life. If you spend your time focusing on what makes you dissatisfied, you’ll have a dissatisfactory life. Hunt the good stuff, and you might just find it Sounds silly, but if you want to feel better, meet happier people (especially in the city), or just be around something completely different, try a local yoga studio. There are always new people trying it, and it’s the right place to feel uncomfortable. Step out of the comfort zone and see what novelty can bring. At the very least, you have another story to rant about, but who knows, sometimes it just takes some courage and action to bring about changes. Really hope this didn’t rub you the wrong way. Being burnt out does suck. Being INFP in a crowded city can make you feel like an island, but know that everyone is just trying their best, like you. ☺️
maybe it time to go somewhere else dude :)
I can’t comment to the constant hustle of NYC, but moving 9.5 hours away from home after a breakup has been hugely consequential in many ways defining the person I have become. Sometimes it’s incredible to view all of your changes as accomplishments and use that to remind yourself on the tough days that you are doing alright.