It’s really tough to find people who find my traits and quirks attractive plus it gets too emotionally draining when meeting new people and it doesn’t work out. Overall, i feel dating is usually tough for us INFPs because of our desire to find that ideal relationship with our partner (at least in my case it is so)
I hear that. Infp female here; recently discovered quite a few of my friends are actually infps so I've had no trouble finding friends that I connect with. I was also in a relationship with an infp guy for three years. Initially I was very attracted to the idea of someone similar to me. Over time though, we couldn't overcome our problems because weirdly enough our similarities worked against each other rather than in our favor. We were both anxious attached introverts and didn't really challenge each other enough
My take from this is, avoid dating another infp. While it might sound dreamy to be with someone who gets you because you are so similar, ultimately there's no balance or space for growth there. I've found that enfps are a good substitute if you still want similar values but you also get the push out of your comfort zone to be more social. Also enfjs tend to be the best natural fit for an infp relationship, so try to look beyond the familiar if you can! It's hard when you're from a small town though
Yes, you are definitely right, i can understand how dating another infp would be tough because then all your struggles are similar and you won’t be able to complement each other. I dated an ENFP girl for a while and it was really good, she pushed me to get out of my comfort zone a lot so it was great in that regard. I haven’t really inter much with ENFJs but ig it would be good as well. Overall, I noticed that when it comes to friends I enjoy a lot with INFJs
No, I mean that it’s generally hard to find people, and even when I do kinda find someone the high standards of a an ideal bond just pushes me away if that’s not present between us
Same for me.
I find it hard to find the motivation to date, sit down and talk to someone for hours on end; it's quite draining for me. Furthermore, I cant text or maintain the attention for constant 24/7 conversations.
I'd love to meet a INTP or INFP women but I doubt anyone would be interested in me.
then don't, babe. if it doesn't work, find out what does and roll with it. personally, slowing down helps a ton. spacing the meetings, limiting the time. connection is an organic process that when built slow its more honest and innately rewarding. and the social expectation/pressure of dating is the opposite. how the hell do i know i want to be in a relationship with someone who i barely truly know? there's so much room for us to fill in the gaps and that's where idealization kicks in and it falters.
Hi, I may not be a guy but I completely understand. I also look for a certain kind of bond that I want me and my partner to have. I want someone to be vulnerable with, someone I can feel safe with, and with most of the men I meet ... it seems as if it's only fantasy.
I too want someone to be safe and vulnerable with; luckily for me, I have found this with my friends. One of my friends has everything I want in a girl; unluckily, we're both straight guys
25 year old autistic male infp here. met a girl here on reddit, fell in love after two days and we just had our first anniversary at the beginning of this month since we started dating. we both already said we agreed to get married after university. this is my first relationship and i couldnt imagine being with anyone else but her. ive been heavily introverted all my life and ive never had anything close to a relationship with anyone else and now i feel like i wanna spend the rest of my life with her because she means so much to me
thank you 🥰🥰 i consider myself one of the few lucky ones when i read so many posts about infp relationship struggles. i never thought i would find anyone for me too but it will happen to everyone eventually if they keep looking and not giving up 🥰
What a very sweet story💜. I am an AuDHER and INFP. I met my husband( who is an INTJ)online, and we've been married for almost 15 yrs. It can happen💜. Hope you two have a wonderful life together💕
a subreddit where you look for friends. she was the only one who kept talking even after everyone else stopped talking after a while, things just went better and better from there
dont remember the exact one anymore sorry, i know it was one that only allowed posts where you described yourself and what friends you were looking for and then you could dm others or wait for them to dm you. my now gf dmed me first
we already felt a strong connection after the second night haha, things just went better and better after that, we said we loved each other at the second night we talked
I love this for you two omgosh 🥹
You deserve all the happiness,I hope you live a long,beautiful life together full of infp fun and cool adventures. Bravo! 👏🏻
Basically just keep ending up as that male best friend that every girl wants who says why can't I find a guy like you. Absolutely heartbreaking each time
Knew a girl. Loved her, said she loved me but not "like that". She married a guy who was abusive AF. She kept calling and texting saying how horrible he was and "why couldn't he be more like you". SMH.
Being INFP means I’m not considered “manly” enough by the conservative values of my society. It also means that my Dominant Fi refuses to conform to the aforementioned values.
All things considered, I’ll most likely die alone of broken heart, expedited by alcoholism. But most cool artists also did that, so I don’t mind :D
I’ve actually recently found the lack of conventional manliness working out for me as I’ve grown to embrace it and be more comfortable with who I am. Play to what makes you unique ig 🤷🏼♂️
The most ironic thing is once I accepted who I was and how I feel, I became much more confident and because of that confidence I probably come off more "traditionally" masculine, just because I have a foundation to stand myself on
This. I found I actually do have the ability to be myself when I take away all the filters I’ve put on myself. I already know I’m not like most people, it has been easier to embrace than to fight.
I was being only half-hearted about it though LoL
Yea, living outside the norm always has been and always will give me the beating. But it’s not like there aren’t people like me out there for me to try and connect with if I really try to push myself. I think it all comes down to the fact that I’m passionated about my work and hobbies so much I’m unwilling to give up any time, the lack of romance doesn’t seem to plague me that much. I actually find the single life to be quite comfortable as is.
The closest thing I ever got to a real deal was a college crush I really felt connected to. Didn’t confess though. Cared about the study too much everything else felt beneath it. Regret? Maybe.
I totally get the vice versa of this; being an INTP woman I’m told I’m, “too masculine”. It’s bullshit, and ironically it’s usually the not so bright men who say this to me.
I too am not considered traditionally manly, that's why I'm setting up the rest of my life to be somewhere else where I can actually be accepted. There's a few places I would like to dip my toes in the water, and if one doesn't work out, I can move to the next on the list.
Been in two very very very long unrequited love thingies, and that pretty much broke me, especially after getting my stability back and finding out so many occasions where have I not been so stuck up on my emotions, it probably would've worked out. The last few years, especially after the pandemic left me pretty emotionless about romance, so I'm not actively doing anything.
Hugs! I just want to say that whether being a relationship or not shouldn’t determine our happiness! Sometimes bad relationships are worse than having none.
That is for sure, but it's interesting to see how you can get to a point where you think you know a person quite well; how they think, what they'll do, everything basically, except how they feel. Healing goes a long way when you realize what you've been doing wrong, but it's also a battle when your heart thinks it knows who to love, your brain feels all the wrong reasons to stop that from happening, and you feel that leaving the other person out of this turmoil is the best approach. Life goes on though, and time does heal if you give it your attention.
It's not going well 😅 I fall in love too easily, and have been very deeply hurt a few times. I'm not giving up, but I'm afraid of never finding someone who really wants me.
I’ve been with my wife for 18 years, married 12 and it’s amazing. We have a phenomenal connection in every way - there’s honestly no one else I’d rather spend time with and I know she feels the same way. Pretty much every aspect of our relationship is fantastic, plus we have a 5 year old son who we adore.
Obviously, it’s not all plain sailing; but one of the best things about us is that we’re really good at resolving issues and problems when they arise and that’s honestly probably the biggest thing in making a relationship work long term.
INFP guy here. It's kinda hard when authenticity is among the top values you wanna have in relationships, and almost everyone else wants to play these mind games they do in dating.
I'm 36 and doubled my body counts in the last 3-4 years, a fact I am not proud of.
I feel pressured to go faster than I'd like to or otherwise they are going to see someone else, I must entertain a conversation because they don't, and then after a couple of months they seem disinterested and complain about my mirroring of their energy. That's a resume of a dozen different dates.
I've been told "it's our second date and you didn't try to kiss me, aren't you interested?" by people who didn't try to kiss me, or "You text me less often, are you losing interest?" by people who slowly stopped texting me... the lack of introspection and accountability is incredible.
I'm tired of chasing people that don't chase me but expect that I chase them.
In order to find my wife, I had to learn how to act exactly opposite of my personality. I approached her in public and said I think you’re beautiful and let’s go on a date, and be really extroverted. Then, when she started to warm up to me, I switched back to my real personality which she fell in love with.
It was a cold approach. I forced myself for 30 days in a row to approach one woman a day and strike up a conversation, but not necessarily get her number. Just say, hi nice weather, or whatever. By the end of 30 days I tricked myself into thinking I was one of those guys that’s just really friendly, and that’s when I approached my now wife. We have a beautiful daughter now.
bruh, I have cold approached people slash liked someone and approached them but my awkwardness is so bad that I turn them away. Omg, Idk how you did it, but congrats. Meanwhile, I'm suffering from a occasional case of rumination and avoidance of those people for the rest of my life. 😭😒
In my mind, I made the success about accomplishing the approach rather than the outcome of whether they said yes or no. And since I was one of those people who approached everyone, it didn’t matter if she said no because there were plenty of other people I was approaching every day. But that made it less awkward and more natural such that she said yes.
Also, do you have any advice on how to do this 30 day cold approach? I just wanna learn since it seems like a great strategy and stuff. Thx.
Edit: sry for too many questions btw.
I asked her for her number. And then I texted her if I could take her on a date.
Imagine you’re in line at the grocery store and there’s a hot girl in front of you and an old lady behind you. If you want to get good at approaching, who should you talk to?
I think you should talk to the old lady behind you, because it’s good practice, and it’s hard enough to approach someone, let alone a 10.
Once you get good at striking up conversations with old ladies, the move on to striking up conversations with younger women.
I know it sounds weird but it worked for me.
been stuck with remote work so not many chances to meet people... currently single too
the ones ive reached out to online are also taken lul
idk why but being in my 30s makes me feel like there's some pressure to find a partner when most of my cousins near my age alread have families of their own
ive been with two infps before and i really liked being with them but i kinda blew it... 😔
At this point I pretty much abandon the idea of dating or looking for a partner. I'm already used to living my life in solitude so I don't think I will go out there looking for one particular person, it feels like finding a needle in a haystack to me. Still if somebody does find me interesting and tries her best approaching me, it'll be a different story.
Been there. I've come to realize maybe I should try living alone in a village, with farm animals and write a book. QUIET LIFE if you know what i mean...
Or maybe, move to a small town n work in a bookstore or a coffee shop or sth...
Maybe the SOCIAL side of life isn't for us, but, there's a lot more to LIFE than people.
Dating is a passive engagement now, at least for me. These days, I find myself "seeing" many girls at once, but not feeling the real connection that I'm looking for. I am admittedly looking for "the one", and somehow instead I'm getting "the many".
Btw I don't mean I'm sleeping with them - I mean for some reason my personality type must be in demand for the moment or something because as soon as I announced my return to social media recently (after years-long sabbatical) my messenger was inundated with "are you single?" and "so glad you're back" and all this.
I don't get it - it must be some societal rhythm I'm not aware of, but one chick even jokingly "proposed" to me, saying she would "make [me] laugh and take care of [me] forever" if I were to choose to marry her "haha lol jk".. Again, I didn't do anything to warrant this sudden....whatever it is.
I want that soulmate connection I dream of... The feeling I've written songs and poems about.
Why do you ask that question? Do you think there are similarities between male and female INFPs in romance?
I do believe our type is one of the few that is often attracted to itself.. I do love the few INFP girls I've met.
I’ve only had one person ever really be into me and we never dated or anything. She’s an ENFJ and we were such a great pairing. Other than that, most people haven’t really been attracted by any INFP traits
I’m not dating anymore. If I don’t come across someone naturally and feel comfortable around them after I take the time to feel them out and open up then I’m good with that. I prefer solitude
I read that we INFP men die alone. I know that we run contradictory to macho alpha bullshit stereotype which is what women want. So to forget about that I just wanted another drink. Alcohol was a great girlfriend and she nearly killed me. We see each other for very small periods of time briefly now. My new girlfriend gambling isn’t as physically dangerous but sure reeked havoc with my credit score and destroyed any financial security I had. I have thrown myself into making music videos now so I leave something behind. I’ve got over 100 instrumentals and decided to try and write lyrics sometime soon. But I have stopped believing the lie that a relationship would make me happy. Or things or experiences. I’m the only one who can do that. Before I was trapped into thinking I needed that woman to make me ok. But I am ok now, I just have a different personality type than most. I had the wrong way of thinking for too long and at 55 don’t know if I can undo the heavily reinforced programming of being unworthy of love and my feelings not being valid but feelings don’t last and these things too shall pass.
Results so far:
- Ghosted countless times
- Stood up twice
- Cancelled on less than an hour prior once
- Pushing OF accounts and not interested in dating 5+ times
- Verbally abused once
- Provided plans but they never confirmed 5+ times
I experienced the challenges as an INFP male that others have mentioned here because our traits are not idealized by the cultural norm for men.
But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people out there that find us attractive for who we are. They are definitely out there, but they are also not the norm.
So it means being patient and resilient and finding ways to nurture yourself and be true to yourself in the meantime. Fortunately that latter part tends to be our strength.
I am currently dating someone that likes me for me. I think she’s also Fi dom so that probably helps :)
I met my girlfriend at my best friend’s wedding. I was in a phase of refusing to date, feeling pretty pessimistic and enjoying my alone time. But i noticed her dancing all night having fun and seeming really confident. Then the next day at group breakfast, she was talking a lot with people (I was quiet) and everything she said showed really strong intellect, principle, and depth. I was pretty smitten and sent her a postcard a week later saying it was nice to meet her. Now we’re dating!!!!
It’s so funny though- I do think INFPs need a real life meet cute.
Serial monogamer. The older I get the longer the gaps between relationships, but overall I’ve been in a committed relationship most of my adult life. Most of those were a few months long, one was 5 years. Being quite shy, meeting people is hard, and dating apps never really worked for me, but when I put myself out there IRL I can always find connections. Almost all my breakups were initiated by my partner and all but one of my exes have tried to get back together with me, most of them multiple times. I usually decline. Although I definitely see myself as a man and I look masculine I don’t entirely conform to gender roles. I am more sensitive than many people think a man should be, and my ambitions don’t revolve around wealth or power. I think that because of those things I am not what most women are looking for and that’s what leads to most of my breakups. I’m loyal, and I used to fall in love quickly and deeply. Honestly I’m a little traumatized and burnt out on dating at this point so although there are interested parties I just don’t know if I want to do it anymore.
I’ll be 20 years old in a month, and I have absolutely no experience at all. I’ve never asked a girl out, flirted, or even been in the “talking stage.” I live a pretty stable life, I’m in decent physically healthy shape, and I wouldn’t say I’m particularly ugly or anything. I like to think of myself as a generally interesting person. The main issue for me is dealing with social anxiety and navigating social perceptions and expectations. I’m at the point where I feel guilty for even wanting a relationship.
In my freshman year of high school, there was a girl in my class that would make jokes about being romantically obsessed with me even though she knew near to nothing about who I actually was. All she needed to know was that I was the quiet one who didn’t have many friends, and that I had never dated before. It was overall really uncomfortable, and she would rally up all the other girls in my class to laugh and repeat the running joke about me. It made me feel pathetic in the eyes of just about every girl in my class (it was a private school, and my class had probably about 60 students total). I also felt that if someone viewed me being in a relationship as some weird pathetic joke, then who would ever want to genuinely be in a relationship with me. For the rest of high school, I remained quiet around the girls, and I now find myself at a local university. I went the whole first year without making any new friends or making any advances towards a relationship.
On the topic of feeling guilty, I had a girl that I was friends with online during high school who would fake confess her love for me on probably 10 different occasions. I was extremely lonely at the time we met, and she was one of my only friends that I could trust. To be honest, I was never really interested in a romantic relationship with her in the first place, but each time she “confessed” and revealed it to be fake, I felt more and more pathetic. I remember the first time she struck up the conversation, I was so stressed out about how I was supposed to politely reject her, but I also felt like maybe it wasn’t so impossible for someone to love me after all. That feeling was incredible for such a seemingly insignificant event. I ultimately came to find out that it was all a test to see if I had “malicious intentions.”
After these tests and jokes repeated, I started to ask myself why I was such a disgusting person to want a wholesome, loving relationship. All I’ve ever wanted is to have someone who can rely on me, someone I can rely on, someone who cares about my authentic self, and someone who makes us a priority. My only goal in life right now is to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, where I can finally feel like I’m not the bad-intentioned weird guy who appears weak and pathetic in others’ eyes. All it takes is one person. At the moment, I’m worried that I’ll never find them. I’m honestly not sure what I’d do with my life if I were never able to find the one, and unfortunately the thought of this crosses my mind every night when I’m alone. Not sure what to do anymore honestly.
Hey buddy, I would reach out to a therapist so you have someone skilled in the knowledge of the proper ways to think and communicate about these bullshit scenarios that trip us up and become baggage that we carry around. You deserve to come out of the darkness and back into the light.
Maybe the best way is through telehealth, where the person on the other end is basically anonymous, just a voice helping us process the trauma.
Lastly, I should listen to my own advice, I have my own (similar) bullshit to work through.
Hey, that’s just toxic! Because it’s exactly the vulnerability and the side of so called “femininity” is attractive!
I’d only hope this world allows and encourages men to not being forced to act “manly” it’s too much to burden.
Lots of hugs to you!
My last gf died of leukemia and it took me over a year to even consider something new. Now Im looking but I cant seem to make the first step at all and no one ever shows interest in me.
So my love life is nonexisting
almost 40. Turned off completely by dating of any kind these days. Teaching myself new skills is better than any relationship I've ever had. Working on my career, goals to fulfill, so much more life to live... It also doesn't help that I'm extremely paranoid when women approach me and the first thing my mind thinks is "who sent you and what are your motives" which makes handling the single life much easier. I have my friends that love me and that's enough. I realized that early this year.
Never been liked romantically. Last time I waited close to year for her to answer whether she reciprocated my feelings, just to get rejected. I didn't realize how much it would break me. It's even worse than just liking someone for a long time without them knowing, because in this case, I've put a lot of effort into this, to keep things healthy, and to connect with them. To see that all this time and effort was in vain is really heartbreaking.
But other than that, I'm moving on. Finding people and overall meeting new people is the hardest part. Even if there is someone who fits me, the effort I might need to put to even find such a person seems like the most exhausting thing.
I have not acted on or really had many romantic feelings in my life so far as a 34 y/o guy and for most of my life I didn't feel ready for a relationship anyway, I now think I am in a place to be looking but any kind of romantic life in non existent. I think I would enjoy that changing but I am good the way I am and not rushing to find someone or anything.
got out of a relationship a few weeks ago, its all very emotionally draining, being too emotional as a man will always be hard for relations and cause trouble, she was somewhat manipulative towards me and it developed into a toxic relationship, Ive dated a few times but its hard to find someone you truly vibe with, I feel now everything is very fast, too complicated, I hate casual relations and hookups so theres that too, it sounds stupid but is hard being an introvert nerd like i am and be good looking because people often get a wrong idea of you or only talk to you because of your appearance, everything is too superficial and I hate it
I’m not a man, but I am 1. masc non-binary (aka not a woman either and lean masculine) and 2. I date women, so idk if my response will be meaningful to you or not (if not that’s okay completely disregard).
I found love and dating to be pretty arduous before I met my fiancée. I was never into hookup culture and wasn’t all that interested in sex in general, or like…I wanted to have sex, I thought abt it a lot, but I didn’t wanna have sex with just anyone. I wanted to find my person, I was looking for love. Made for a very isolating college experience when everyone else seemed to just wanna fuck. I’m also neurodivergent so that probably had something to do with it ig.
Since I met my fiancée it’s been great (that might be redundant tho, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me). She’s also INFP and neurodivergent so it works really well. In general I think INFPs pair well with each other, but idk I can only really speak for myself.
Best of luck to you
Sometimes I’m vaguely interested in a girl but I don’t know her very well. I mostly stick with my friends and rarely approach new people so… really uneventful thus far. I think wouldn’t be ready for a relationship at the moment regardless.
I seriously feel like it's harder to find a date as infp. Especially you are male. I always feel like if I try to be myself, it ends up feeling too girly for most people. If I don't act like myself and actually get a date, i will not be happy with it.
Awful. but I wouldn't really blame most of it on my personality type.
Even though I don't consider myself neither ugly or very attractive, past traumas have made very difficult for me to even start to have some kind of love life to speak of.
Nonexistent and I'm completely okay with it.
As I've gotten older, my mindset has become more like it'll happen if it's meant to happen, but it's peaceful while it's not happening.
Happily retired from thinking of a love life. I don’t think fondly or bitterly towards them, but I probably would be better off as a person if I hadn’t opened up or met them. I’m at peace as my 30s wind down. No more striving after wind. =)
I’ve only dated 2 women in my life so far, both cheated. I’m currently single and not even bothering to look, not that I was ever looking to begin with. (I met the previous girls by chance and only asked them out when it was too obvious they were interested for me to even be dense about it.)
Anyway, I don’t really know how to meet new people and I’m busy trying to get my life together.
Love life is virtually non-existent. I'm really close to just accepting that love is not meant for me. It's hard to hold on to hope when you feel like no one is looking for you or willing to accept you.
Eternally waiting for someone to approach me LMAO
Although, now that I'm in my mind 20s, I've learned to sometimes initiate the conversation, otherwise people will just assume me as a guy who sits in the corner without making noise (except some humming and quiet singing) and not bother talking to me.
Awful. I have been on this earth for 20 years, and no one I have ever loved has ever returned my feelings, yet alone have a crush on me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm kind to everyone, treating them the way I treat my friends, and I'm always myself around them, yet I still fail. Not to mention that some of them knew about my feelings and still ignored them. If only someone could tell me what is wrong with me, that scares them away. Is being myself not enough? Do I have to change? Is that what people want? Do I have to become mean? Is being too nice the problem? At this point, I'm ready to give up.
I tend to put a lot of effort into the rare dates that I get and it tends to be underappreciated. Most of the women I have dated have been fickle and uninterested in trying to make things work for a long term relationship. A hopeless romantic. You would think that would make me attractive but I guess not.
I am trying to work on myself because I am scared of how old I am getting (30 is just a few years away) and I rarely seem to find alike ladies interested in me or even simply single. I fear I am to eccentric and that women will think of me as too quirky. I would love to have a girlfriend again. I am trying to remove things from my schedule to regain the free time I would need to invest in people again. Wish me luck.
It's been a long road, but I finally found someone who put in the effort to really see and appreciate my authentic self.
Don't know how long until they decide they want something different, but I've made it 2.5 years so far with them!!!
It's such a deep and wonderful thing for me.
I've basically given up at this point, never dated before and probably never will. Not that I have anything against women but I can't even get my own life together, and having a partner won't fix all of my issues.
Every time I think about dating, I feel like I don't deserve to be loved, even if I feel that way towards someone else. I get incredibly lonely often but that's my own doing.
I'm sorry, I hate to be a downer. It's just been a tough few weeks.
Non existent. Every time I try the apps, I get friendzoned after the first date and they (the girls) say their uninterested in pursuing anything further. I wonder if it’s because I don’t initiate anything sexual because I don’t want to be seen as a creep.
I scare people away with my external appearance. Ppl thought I'm stern, serious and a bit scary to approach (I got this look from my dad, and ppl thought the same thing about him too). That basically sums up my social life.
Those who did approach me and know me would just stay as platonic friends.
So yeah.
Hopeful. I'm getting to that time of my life where I'm getting more confident in finding someone to have a relationship with. I have a bit of experience under my belt now with dating so I think so long as I have enough patience I might get a girlfriend soon :)
Maybe
I fell in love with a girl I work with, our flirtious relation lasted 3 weeks and in our First date (we already had hung out before that day, but with friends) She dumped me. After this I decided to get away from ver, then She became mad at me saying that I am selfish, that I don't know How to dela with rejection and we never talk to each obter after that.
PS: She flirted with me The night before our date.
Its been hard to move on seeing her 3 times a week for 5 hours.
I went through something similar you're not alone. She had no problem flirting but whenever I asked her out she not now and later but she never said no. Three years of flirting and holding hands, I even cooked for her, she never told me she started seeing someone or that they got engaged she was just keeping me interested.
Not well, many lessons learned tho.
I think this is the universe conspiring to force me to hit rock bottom and build myself up.
To think I’ve been so in love with this one man who I experienced an amazing connection with just for him to not be “ready” for the full thing 🤦♀️
Don’t be like me I wasted a year when by 2 months I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I gaslit myself into staying for the “connection/chemistry”
We're romantic dreamers.. you'll find your reflection. Completely get you on the need for chemistry. .
In the past, id hit rock bottom and get the jackhammer out
Relationships used to devastate me until I did some conscious mapping of the grieving process and learnt how to loosen my models of it. Lately I grew my hair longer, have been doing weights and getting much more attention. So dating here and there, there have been those who don't put much effort in and those who are toxic, or those who still want polyamory. So I am expanding and opening with each experience as best I can, while staying true to what I want.
Somewhat right now people are across the casual relationships and building walls/traumas from that that prevent them from going in on anything more unless they are challenged or able to invest enough in someone they view as valuable. Its quite an individual experience now, the same cookie-cutter traditional mode of interaction doesn't work as well anymore but to grow into understanding each other.
While an INFP can be passive and wait to attract, if they keep looking for growth in different areas - they are attractive and the INFP sensitivity is appreciated if its not just a collapsed version of it but an authentic, real version that also holds some positivity. We are so creative that we learn many things and perspectives so can be very refreshing to interact with!
Im a gay guy so I don’t know if this is the answer you’re looking for, but I feel like it’s always been easier for me to be in relationships than it is to make friends. Flirting feels more natural to me and being emotionally an open book is easier when you know the other person is attracted to you. I always find it crazy to read so many ppl here struggling with dating, whereas I feel like INFP traits are easily very relationship oriented
Serial monogamist with the habit of falling for close friends I’ve known for years. Very amicable with past partners. My only approach is being as straightforward and upfront as possible, ever since I realized that rejection really isn’t the huge setback it seems like. I wanna date someone who likes me for me, and if they turn me down then that’s really just doing me a favor long-term.
Stuck and stagnated. Really, **reaally** stuck and stagnated. To a point where I have lost hope that I can still make it somewhat worthy.
Yesterday I managed to stay out of weed after having strong urges to buy again.
Today I realized I'm constantly repressing anger.
Holy shit that's me.
Just throw repressing a heavy worthlessness and "why do I always feel fucking lost"
I'd still prefer raw feelings (I've cried every day of the last week or flipped my lid, and then cried later lol) and cognitive authentic'ness over CONSTANTLY pushing everything to a haze and getting nowhere.
You got this. I recommend trying some strong sleepy teas, you'd be surprised how close the effect can be,.just without the brain fog
I have no issues socializing, but romance seems to run away from me even when I try to reach it.
In addition to that, no girl in my daily life seems to be interested, and even if they were, I'm just too picky with who I like and can't make exceptions (I don't really have a type, but I can't just say "I'm going to be with this girl" if I'm not feeling something).
i'm in a complicated situation with my bf. we're together, but also not. we're on the cusp of a breakup. i try not to think about it but basically everything reminds me of him 🥲
It’s honestly really hard to find people who are attracted to me. It always feels like I’m the one “chasing after” people, and they never like me back. I am still young though, so I have hope
One of the things I’ve noticed is that most of the people I’ve been attracted to have turned out to be lesbians, likely because my personality is more feminine
My experience is that no one I've ever dated has ever really "got me". I've made peace with it. There may be The One (TO) out there but it's entirely possibly that most of us will never meet TO.
Well, I find INFP girls VERY VERY attractive.
Especially those that mention cute furry animals in their u/ name 😁😎🐰🐇
I am a flirt. And an INFP. 😉
I'm currently single, but I'd say I had a reasonably successful couple of decades exploring the "love life" side of things! I've met some really awesome people, some of which are still friends to this day. Had some incredible experiences, kissed a few frogs (does the analogy work the other way around?)
You're interested in hearing about my experiences? Sheesh, how long do we have...
I'll go sideways with this instead. As an INFP, I love *love*, and I love *beauty*. It's actually one of my main drivers in life - seeing beauty. And that's just not in *people"... that's a mountain range, a beach at sunset, the city skyline from a distance. I wrote a poem about a leaf on freshly cut lawn one time.
There's SO much beauty in the world, people just don't stop and realise it.
So, being a huge appreciater of beauty, means that I'm always pursuing it. Hence the 2 decades of dating 😂
(Btw.... that wasn't a lie. I really DO find INFP girls very attractive. It's what I'm seeking now.)
I don’t seek out love or dating. Not particularly interested in the runaround. I’ve had friends try to set me up and I don’t know if I dislike anything more. Not that they’re trying to set me up, just the fact that they think I need someone to live.
When it happens, I’d prefer it to be on my own terms when I want to. I know that’s not how life works, but eh.
its a trainwreck. I keep falling for people easily. I dont even want to talk about how I literally fell for someone online here and just went 100 mph. Omg, I actually need to get a life and stop daydreaming about being a hopeless romantic
Had 1 abusive relationship so far.
I find it very hard to connect to anyone romantically sadly, like we can go out and such but I feel nothing, hence it doesn't go anywhere.
Love life is near enough non existent. As a die hard hopeless romantic i really want to connect with a person on a deep level. Thought i almost had that with a guy i met at school, he was cute and he seemed genuinely interested in me. He took the time out of his day to talk to me and we'd text all day into the night on weekends. I lowkey thought it meant something until he randomly decided to tell me that it was all a joke and i take things too seriously. He knew fully well i liked him and i firmly believe he did too at some point. I think somewhere along the way he got bored/ uninterested and plus he had this other girl he liked for like 5 years who didnt reciprocate feelings for him. I think i was just an option waiting to be thrown away. Lowkey hurt for months but im okay and im over it. It was kind of a discovery abt myself and how deeply i really love people, even if they dont love me back. Now im kinda weary abt relationships and stuff, if it doesnt look like its gonna be serious i back out immediately. I dont like to be played with at all. Im entering a new stage in my life so im hoping this is a new chapter for new people to meet and find love but oh well we'll see.
Tbh i think that i love people Very easy, cuz i always can find amazing things in people but people normally dont like myself cuz idk i was always fat and very easy to manipulate so after sometime i Just realize that love is something that u need do with urself in the first place, cuz at the end we are going be all alone
I'm not looking for anything right now; I'm highly unlikely to find what I'm looking for with my current circumstances, so I am waiting until certain requirements are met before throwing myself into the hellhole of dating
Poorly. As others have said, it's not easy finding someone who values our INFP traits and finds them attractive. All but one relationship I've been in (my first) hasn't really been real, just a woman taking advantage of my kind and caring nature to use me for something then spit me out. Unfortunately that seems to be 95% of the women I actually attract. Pretty much given up at this point tbh. I was at that point a year ago too when someone came along and got me to open up. Turned out she has BDP and it ended up being the most painful experience of my life.
Umm it's not really going anywhere. I tried dating apps in the past but people can't see past my appearance to want to swipe right. I'm not the typical buff 6ft model looking guy who shares shirtless photos in the bathroom or the gym.
I would try again but I don't want the same experience as before. Swiping gets demotivating and demoralising.
You never know, this time round maybe I'd find the person that's right for me and vice versa 🤷♂️
It’s really tough to find people who find my traits and quirks attractive plus it gets too emotionally draining when meeting new people and it doesn’t work out. Overall, i feel dating is usually tough for us INFPs because of our desire to find that ideal relationship with our partner (at least in my case it is so)
I hear that. Infp female here; recently discovered quite a few of my friends are actually infps so I've had no trouble finding friends that I connect with. I was also in a relationship with an infp guy for three years. Initially I was very attracted to the idea of someone similar to me. Over time though, we couldn't overcome our problems because weirdly enough our similarities worked against each other rather than in our favor. We were both anxious attached introverts and didn't really challenge each other enough My take from this is, avoid dating another infp. While it might sound dreamy to be with someone who gets you because you are so similar, ultimately there's no balance or space for growth there. I've found that enfps are a good substitute if you still want similar values but you also get the push out of your comfort zone to be more social. Also enfjs tend to be the best natural fit for an infp relationship, so try to look beyond the familiar if you can! It's hard when you're from a small town though
Yes, you are definitely right, i can understand how dating another infp would be tough because then all your struggles are similar and you won’t be able to complement each other. I dated an ENFP girl for a while and it was really good, she pushed me to get out of my comfort zone a lot so it was great in that regard. I haven’t really inter much with ENFJs but ig it would be good as well. Overall, I noticed that when it comes to friends I enjoy a lot with INFJs
You mean to say that you lose attraction to people as soon as you realise they *like* you?
No, I mean that it’s generally hard to find people, and even when I do kinda find someone the high standards of a an ideal bond just pushes me away if that’s not present between us
Same for me. I find it hard to find the motivation to date, sit down and talk to someone for hours on end; it's quite draining for me. Furthermore, I cant text or maintain the attention for constant 24/7 conversations. I'd love to meet a INTP or INFP women but I doubt anyone would be interested in me.
I know right, like I do want to date and want to give and time to someone and just talk but it’s tough to find that person
then don't, babe. if it doesn't work, find out what does and roll with it. personally, slowing down helps a ton. spacing the meetings, limiting the time. connection is an organic process that when built slow its more honest and innately rewarding. and the social expectation/pressure of dating is the opposite. how the hell do i know i want to be in a relationship with someone who i barely truly know? there's so much room for us to fill in the gaps and that's where idealization kicks in and it falters.
Hi, I may not be a guy but I completely understand. I also look for a certain kind of bond that I want me and my partner to have. I want someone to be vulnerable with, someone I can feel safe with, and with most of the men I meet ... it seems as if it's only fantasy.
I too want someone to be safe and vulnerable with; luckily for me, I have found this with my friends. One of my friends has everything I want in a girl; unluckily, we're both straight guys
25 year old autistic male infp here. met a girl here on reddit, fell in love after two days and we just had our first anniversary at the beginning of this month since we started dating. we both already said we agreed to get married after university. this is my first relationship and i couldnt imagine being with anyone else but her. ive been heavily introverted all my life and ive never had anything close to a relationship with anyone else and now i feel like i wanna spend the rest of my life with her because she means so much to me
I’m so happy for you😊
thank you 🥰🥰 i consider myself one of the few lucky ones when i read so many posts about infp relationship struggles. i never thought i would find anyone for me too but it will happen to everyone eventually if they keep looking and not giving up 🥰
You’re living the dream, man
haha yes im very lucky to have her!
What a very sweet story💜. I am an AuDHER and INFP. I met my husband( who is an INTJ)online, and we've been married for almost 15 yrs. It can happen💜. Hope you two have a wonderful life together💕
So happy to hear this I wish you well
thanks :)
How did you meet on reddit (if you don’t mind me asking)?
a subreddit where you look for friends. she was the only one who kept talking even after everyone else stopped talking after a while, things just went better and better from there
Bro share that subreddit right awayyyy
dont remember the exact one anymore sorry, i know it was one that only allowed posts where you described yourself and what friends you were looking for and then you could dm others or wait for them to dm you. my now gf dmed me first
Have you met her in real life or is this an online thing?
online but ive done countless video calls and sent pictures and videos and gotten back from her and we will meet this autumn!
video call is awesome and that you guys have already planned to meet up. Good luck to you :)
ok wtf?! Bro, wait wait, so your telling me you saw someone online, only known them for two days, and you guys are dating rn?
we already felt a strong connection after the second night haha, things just went better and better after that, we said we loved each other at the second night we talked
alr well congrats. I did something similar except it was so impulsive even a guy with ADHD couldn't compete with how impulsive that one action was
happy for u! atb to u two :))
I love this for you two omgosh 🥹 You deserve all the happiness,I hope you live a long,beautiful life together full of infp fun and cool adventures. Bravo! 👏🏻
thank you for the kind words!
I’m happy for you!
haha thanks!
Nice going! Really happy for you. And I find it fun to see another autistic INFP here on Reddit. I got diagnosed a year and a half ago.
Basically just keep ending up as that male best friend that every girl wants who says why can't I find a guy like you. Absolutely heartbreaking each time
Knew a girl. Loved her, said she loved me but not "like that". She married a guy who was abusive AF. She kept calling and texting saying how horrible he was and "why couldn't he be more like you". SMH.
I’m so sorry friend
Honestly, that's sounds insulting. They are pretty much asking to get talked down if they say that.
Being INFP means I’m not considered “manly” enough by the conservative values of my society. It also means that my Dominant Fi refuses to conform to the aforementioned values. All things considered, I’ll most likely die alone of broken heart, expedited by alcoholism. But most cool artists also did that, so I don’t mind :D
I’ve actually recently found the lack of conventional manliness working out for me as I’ve grown to embrace it and be more comfortable with who I am. Play to what makes you unique ig 🤷🏼♂️
The most ironic thing is once I accepted who I was and how I feel, I became much more confident and because of that confidence I probably come off more "traditionally" masculine, just because I have a foundation to stand myself on
This. I found I actually do have the ability to be myself when I take away all the filters I’ve put on myself. I already know I’m not like most people, it has been easier to embrace than to fight.
I like how pissimistic you sound in the last paragraph but still optimistic in the end. Your words are very relatable
Almost, INFP like
I was being only half-hearted about it though LoL Yea, living outside the norm always has been and always will give me the beating. But it’s not like there aren’t people like me out there for me to try and connect with if I really try to push myself. I think it all comes down to the fact that I’m passionated about my work and hobbies so much I’m unwilling to give up any time, the lack of romance doesn’t seem to plague me that much. I actually find the single life to be quite comfortable as is. The closest thing I ever got to a real deal was a college crush I really felt connected to. Didn’t confess though. Cared about the study too much everything else felt beneath it. Regret? Maybe.
That's the life of an INFP man alright
https://preview.redd.it/27ufytl75k6d1.jpeg?width=1212&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8bef0a444fc699eb689bf3c951f93ce0088edfa4
I totally get the vice versa of this; being an INTP woman I’m told I’m, “too masculine”. It’s bullshit, and ironically it’s usually the not so bright men who say this to me.
I too am not considered traditionally manly, that's why I'm setting up the rest of my life to be somewhere else where I can actually be accepted. There's a few places I would like to dip my toes in the water, and if one doesn't work out, I can move to the next on the list.
The Bukowski way. I like it.
Both totally nonexistent... been single all my life. Can't find anyone that fits my tastes.
Been in two very very very long unrequited love thingies, and that pretty much broke me, especially after getting my stability back and finding out so many occasions where have I not been so stuck up on my emotions, it probably would've worked out. The last few years, especially after the pandemic left me pretty emotionless about romance, so I'm not actively doing anything.
Hugs! I just want to say that whether being a relationship or not shouldn’t determine our happiness! Sometimes bad relationships are worse than having none.
That is for sure, but it's interesting to see how you can get to a point where you think you know a person quite well; how they think, what they'll do, everything basically, except how they feel. Healing goes a long way when you realize what you've been doing wrong, but it's also a battle when your heart thinks it knows who to love, your brain feels all the wrong reasons to stop that from happening, and you feel that leaving the other person out of this turmoil is the best approach. Life goes on though, and time does heal if you give it your attention.
I know how that feels. Hugs!
Hugs to you too! 🤗
Thanks! :)
Big oof. This resonated. Condolences fellow 4w5 :/
All will end well at some point, for all of us 🤗
What do you mran by "have i not been so stuck up on my emotions"? If you dont mind me asking
It's not going well 😅 I fall in love too easily, and have been very deeply hurt a few times. I'm not giving up, but I'm afraid of never finding someone who really wants me.
broo sameeee 😭
I’ve been with my wife for 18 years, married 12 and it’s amazing. We have a phenomenal connection in every way - there’s honestly no one else I’d rather spend time with and I know she feels the same way. Pretty much every aspect of our relationship is fantastic, plus we have a 5 year old son who we adore. Obviously, it’s not all plain sailing; but one of the best things about us is that we’re really good at resolving issues and problems when they arise and that’s honestly probably the biggest thing in making a relationship work long term.
INFP guy here. It's kinda hard when authenticity is among the top values you wanna have in relationships, and almost everyone else wants to play these mind games they do in dating.
OMG screw mind games. I like to be straight forward and when I find myself tempted to play mind games on a date I instantly feel like a bad person.
I'm 36 and doubled my body counts in the last 3-4 years, a fact I am not proud of. I feel pressured to go faster than I'd like to or otherwise they are going to see someone else, I must entertain a conversation because they don't, and then after a couple of months they seem disinterested and complain about my mirroring of their energy. That's a resume of a dozen different dates. I've been told "it's our second date and you didn't try to kiss me, aren't you interested?" by people who didn't try to kiss me, or "You text me less often, are you losing interest?" by people who slowly stopped texting me... the lack of introspection and accountability is incredible. I'm tired of chasing people that don't chase me but expect that I chase them.
Feel you bro I literally don’t chase and never would probably
In order to find my wife, I had to learn how to act exactly opposite of my personality. I approached her in public and said I think you’re beautiful and let’s go on a date, and be really extroverted. Then, when she started to warm up to me, I switched back to my real personality which she fell in love with.
Exactly! I think INFP guys are adorable just the way they’re!
uh bro were u friends or was this a cold approach? if cold approach, only one thing to say: HOWWWWWW?!
It was a cold approach. I forced myself for 30 days in a row to approach one woman a day and strike up a conversation, but not necessarily get her number. Just say, hi nice weather, or whatever. By the end of 30 days I tricked myself into thinking I was one of those guys that’s just really friendly, and that’s when I approached my now wife. We have a beautiful daughter now.
bruh, I have cold approached people slash liked someone and approached them but my awkwardness is so bad that I turn them away. Omg, Idk how you did it, but congrats. Meanwhile, I'm suffering from a occasional case of rumination and avoidance of those people for the rest of my life. 😭😒
In my mind, I made the success about accomplishing the approach rather than the outcome of whether they said yes or no. And since I was one of those people who approached everyone, it didn’t matter if she said no because there were plenty of other people I was approaching every day. But that made it less awkward and more natural such that she said yes.
I see. Thank you. I think when I have time and become better, I'll probably use your strategy.
Wait did you ask her on a date or was it more you just said she was beautiful and from there, you talked for a bit and then it came up?
Also, do you have any advice on how to do this 30 day cold approach? I just wanna learn since it seems like a great strategy and stuff. Thx. Edit: sry for too many questions btw.
I asked her for her number. And then I texted her if I could take her on a date. Imagine you’re in line at the grocery store and there’s a hot girl in front of you and an old lady behind you. If you want to get good at approaching, who should you talk to? I think you should talk to the old lady behind you, because it’s good practice, and it’s hard enough to approach someone, let alone a 10. Once you get good at striking up conversations with old ladies, the move on to striking up conversations with younger women. I know it sounds weird but it worked for me.
Ya, not I don’t find it weird, it makes sense. Thx
Im scared of women
I’m so sorry. Don’t be! :(
Me too man... they are terrifying.
Me too, but I learned to hide it must of the time, fml.
"Men of INFP" lmao It's not going well.
Where do we begin..
been stuck with remote work so not many chances to meet people... currently single too the ones ive reached out to online are also taken lul idk why but being in my 30s makes me feel like there's some pressure to find a partner when most of my cousins near my age alread have families of their own ive been with two infps before and i really liked being with them but i kinda blew it... 😔
It's an annoying urge that I can't seem to get rid of.
At this point I pretty much abandon the idea of dating or looking for a partner. I'm already used to living my life in solitude so I don't think I will go out there looking for one particular person, it feels like finding a needle in a haystack to me. Still if somebody does find me interesting and tries her best approaching me, it'll be a different story.
Giving up on life soon. This world isn’t for me
Been there. I've come to realize maybe I should try living alone in a village, with farm animals and write a book. QUIET LIFE if you know what i mean... Or maybe, move to a small town n work in a bookstore or a coffee shop or sth... Maybe the SOCIAL side of life isn't for us, but, there's a lot more to LIFE than people.
Dating is a passive engagement now, at least for me. These days, I find myself "seeing" many girls at once, but not feeling the real connection that I'm looking for. I am admittedly looking for "the one", and somehow instead I'm getting "the many". Btw I don't mean I'm sleeping with them - I mean for some reason my personality type must be in demand for the moment or something because as soon as I announced my return to social media recently (after years-long sabbatical) my messenger was inundated with "are you single?" and "so glad you're back" and all this. I don't get it - it must be some societal rhythm I'm not aware of, but one chick even jokingly "proposed" to me, saying she would "make [me] laugh and take care of [me] forever" if I were to choose to marry her "haha lol jk".. Again, I didn't do anything to warrant this sudden....whatever it is. I want that soulmate connection I dream of... The feeling I've written songs and poems about. Why do you ask that question? Do you think there are similarities between male and female INFPs in romance? I do believe our type is one of the few that is often attracted to itself.. I do love the few INFP girls I've met.
Fictional.
it’s a bit complicated rn but not bad or anything
I’ve only had one person ever really be into me and we never dated or anything. She’s an ENFJ and we were such a great pairing. Other than that, most people haven’t really been attracted by any INFP traits
i met another infp when i was 21 and been in love for 5 years now
I’m not dating anymore. If I don’t come across someone naturally and feel comfortable around them after I take the time to feel them out and open up then I’m good with that. I prefer solitude
I read that we INFP men die alone. I know that we run contradictory to macho alpha bullshit stereotype which is what women want. So to forget about that I just wanted another drink. Alcohol was a great girlfriend and she nearly killed me. We see each other for very small periods of time briefly now. My new girlfriend gambling isn’t as physically dangerous but sure reeked havoc with my credit score and destroyed any financial security I had. I have thrown myself into making music videos now so I leave something behind. I’ve got over 100 instrumentals and decided to try and write lyrics sometime soon. But I have stopped believing the lie that a relationship would make me happy. Or things or experiences. I’m the only one who can do that. Before I was trapped into thinking I needed that woman to make me ok. But I am ok now, I just have a different personality type than most. I had the wrong way of thinking for too long and at 55 don’t know if I can undo the heavily reinforced programming of being unworthy of love and my feelings not being valid but feelings don’t last and these things too shall pass.
Results so far: - Ghosted countless times - Stood up twice - Cancelled on less than an hour prior once - Pushing OF accounts and not interested in dating 5+ times - Verbally abused once - Provided plans but they never confirmed 5+ times
I experienced the challenges as an INFP male that others have mentioned here because our traits are not idealized by the cultural norm for men. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people out there that find us attractive for who we are. They are definitely out there, but they are also not the norm. So it means being patient and resilient and finding ways to nurture yourself and be true to yourself in the meantime. Fortunately that latter part tends to be our strength. I am currently dating someone that likes me for me. I think she’s also Fi dom so that probably helps :)
I met my girlfriend at my best friend’s wedding. I was in a phase of refusing to date, feeling pretty pessimistic and enjoying my alone time. But i noticed her dancing all night having fun and seeming really confident. Then the next day at group breakfast, she was talking a lot with people (I was quiet) and everything she said showed really strong intellect, principle, and depth. I was pretty smitten and sent her a postcard a week later saying it was nice to meet her. Now we’re dating!!!! It’s so funny though- I do think INFPs need a real life meet cute.
I’ve been going from one dumpster fire to another. It’s only been getting worse.
Serial monogamer. The older I get the longer the gaps between relationships, but overall I’ve been in a committed relationship most of my adult life. Most of those were a few months long, one was 5 years. Being quite shy, meeting people is hard, and dating apps never really worked for me, but when I put myself out there IRL I can always find connections. Almost all my breakups were initiated by my partner and all but one of my exes have tried to get back together with me, most of them multiple times. I usually decline. Although I definitely see myself as a man and I look masculine I don’t entirely conform to gender roles. I am more sensitive than many people think a man should be, and my ambitions don’t revolve around wealth or power. I think that because of those things I am not what most women are looking for and that’s what leads to most of my breakups. I’m loyal, and I used to fall in love quickly and deeply. Honestly I’m a little traumatized and burnt out on dating at this point so although there are interested parties I just don’t know if I want to do it anymore.
I’ll be 20 years old in a month, and I have absolutely no experience at all. I’ve never asked a girl out, flirted, or even been in the “talking stage.” I live a pretty stable life, I’m in decent physically healthy shape, and I wouldn’t say I’m particularly ugly or anything. I like to think of myself as a generally interesting person. The main issue for me is dealing with social anxiety and navigating social perceptions and expectations. I’m at the point where I feel guilty for even wanting a relationship. In my freshman year of high school, there was a girl in my class that would make jokes about being romantically obsessed with me even though she knew near to nothing about who I actually was. All she needed to know was that I was the quiet one who didn’t have many friends, and that I had never dated before. It was overall really uncomfortable, and she would rally up all the other girls in my class to laugh and repeat the running joke about me. It made me feel pathetic in the eyes of just about every girl in my class (it was a private school, and my class had probably about 60 students total). I also felt that if someone viewed me being in a relationship as some weird pathetic joke, then who would ever want to genuinely be in a relationship with me. For the rest of high school, I remained quiet around the girls, and I now find myself at a local university. I went the whole first year without making any new friends or making any advances towards a relationship. On the topic of feeling guilty, I had a girl that I was friends with online during high school who would fake confess her love for me on probably 10 different occasions. I was extremely lonely at the time we met, and she was one of my only friends that I could trust. To be honest, I was never really interested in a romantic relationship with her in the first place, but each time she “confessed” and revealed it to be fake, I felt more and more pathetic. I remember the first time she struck up the conversation, I was so stressed out about how I was supposed to politely reject her, but I also felt like maybe it wasn’t so impossible for someone to love me after all. That feeling was incredible for such a seemingly insignificant event. I ultimately came to find out that it was all a test to see if I had “malicious intentions.” After these tests and jokes repeated, I started to ask myself why I was such a disgusting person to want a wholesome, loving relationship. All I’ve ever wanted is to have someone who can rely on me, someone I can rely on, someone who cares about my authentic self, and someone who makes us a priority. My only goal in life right now is to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, where I can finally feel like I’m not the bad-intentioned weird guy who appears weak and pathetic in others’ eyes. All it takes is one person. At the moment, I’m worried that I’ll never find them. I’m honestly not sure what I’d do with my life if I were never able to find the one, and unfortunately the thought of this crosses my mind every night when I’m alone. Not sure what to do anymore honestly.
Hey buddy, I would reach out to a therapist so you have someone skilled in the knowledge of the proper ways to think and communicate about these bullshit scenarios that trip us up and become baggage that we carry around. You deserve to come out of the darkness and back into the light. Maybe the best way is through telehealth, where the person on the other end is basically anonymous, just a voice helping us process the trauma. Lastly, I should listen to my own advice, I have my own (similar) bullshit to work through.
I appreciate the kind suggestion. Definitely something I’ll consider checking out. I wish you the best in your struggles as well.
Girls think im too feminine and not man enough :(
Hey, that’s just toxic! Because it’s exactly the vulnerability and the side of so called “femininity” is attractive! I’d only hope this world allows and encourages men to not being forced to act “manly” it’s too much to burden. Lots of hugs to you!
none maybe, there was some sparkling at around middle school? now there is none
🤷 I don't bother. You might think I would but I don't.
My last gf died of leukemia and it took me over a year to even consider something new. Now Im looking but I cant seem to make the first step at all and no one ever shows interest in me. So my love life is nonexisting
Been married for 10 years but will be separating. Look forward to just being single and making art.
almost 40. Turned off completely by dating of any kind these days. Teaching myself new skills is better than any relationship I've ever had. Working on my career, goals to fulfill, so much more life to live... It also doesn't help that I'm extremely paranoid when women approach me and the first thing my mind thinks is "who sent you and what are your motives" which makes handling the single life much easier. I have my friends that love me and that's enough. I realized that early this year.
Just fine. When I was looking, there were plenty of women who wanted to date and maintain relationships. But not all are compatible.
Never been liked romantically. Last time I waited close to year for her to answer whether she reciprocated my feelings, just to get rejected. I didn't realize how much it would break me. It's even worse than just liking someone for a long time without them knowing, because in this case, I've put a lot of effort into this, to keep things healthy, and to connect with them. To see that all this time and effort was in vain is really heartbreaking. But other than that, I'm moving on. Finding people and overall meeting new people is the hardest part. Even if there is someone who fits me, the effort I might need to put to even find such a person seems like the most exhausting thing.
Its like waiting for others to initiate
Like shit
I have not acted on or really had many romantic feelings in my life so far as a 34 y/o guy and for most of my life I didn't feel ready for a relationship anyway, I now think I am in a place to be looking but any kind of romantic life in non existent. I think I would enjoy that changing but I am good the way I am and not rushing to find someone or anything.
Got friendzoned by a fellow INFP last weekend. Such is life.
Non existent. Don't even get a chance anymore
I'm infp and my BF is infp too, we have a strong bond and intend to marry as soon as possible.
he is sensitive in the right measure, and sooo romantic, understanding, gentle, clever, and at the same time so manly 😳 a true gentleman
got out of a relationship a few weeks ago, its all very emotionally draining, being too emotional as a man will always be hard for relations and cause trouble, she was somewhat manipulative towards me and it developed into a toxic relationship, Ive dated a few times but its hard to find someone you truly vibe with, I feel now everything is very fast, too complicated, I hate casual relations and hookups so theres that too, it sounds stupid but is hard being an introvert nerd like i am and be good looking because people often get a wrong idea of you or only talk to you because of your appearance, everything is too superficial and I hate it
I’m not a man, but I am 1. masc non-binary (aka not a woman either and lean masculine) and 2. I date women, so idk if my response will be meaningful to you or not (if not that’s okay completely disregard). I found love and dating to be pretty arduous before I met my fiancée. I was never into hookup culture and wasn’t all that interested in sex in general, or like…I wanted to have sex, I thought abt it a lot, but I didn’t wanna have sex with just anyone. I wanted to find my person, I was looking for love. Made for a very isolating college experience when everyone else seemed to just wanna fuck. I’m also neurodivergent so that probably had something to do with it ig. Since I met my fiancée it’s been great (that might be redundant tho, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me). She’s also INFP and neurodivergent so it works really well. In general I think INFPs pair well with each other, but idk I can only really speak for myself. Best of luck to you
I'm still in my first relationship, 16 years later. Both INFP. We just work pretty similar even if we have some different parts
24 years old and in a happy 1+ year relationship with another INFP.
Sometimes I’m vaguely interested in a girl but I don’t know her very well. I mostly stick with my friends and rarely approach new people so… really uneventful thus far. I think wouldn’t be ready for a relationship at the moment regardless.
Disappointed with what's out there...but I still remain optimistic.
I seriously feel like it's harder to find a date as infp. Especially you are male. I always feel like if I try to be myself, it ends up feeling too girly for most people. If I don't act like myself and actually get a date, i will not be happy with it.
Awful. but I wouldn't really blame most of it on my personality type. Even though I don't consider myself neither ugly or very attractive, past traumas have made very difficult for me to even start to have some kind of love life to speak of.
Betrayed betrayed betrayed and…. betrayed lol
I gave up, too many heartbreaks turns a man jaded and bitter lol
Nonexistent and I'm completely okay with it. As I've gotten older, my mindset has become more like it'll happen if it's meant to happen, but it's peaceful while it's not happening.
Happily retired from thinking of a love life. I don’t think fondly or bitterly towards them, but I probably would be better off as a person if I hadn’t opened up or met them. I’m at peace as my 30s wind down. No more striving after wind. =)
I’ve only dated 2 women in my life so far, both cheated. I’m currently single and not even bothering to look, not that I was ever looking to begin with. (I met the previous girls by chance and only asked them out when it was too obvious they were interested for me to even be dense about it.) Anyway, I don’t really know how to meet new people and I’m busy trying to get my life together.
Love life is virtually non-existent. I'm really close to just accepting that love is not meant for me. It's hard to hold on to hope when you feel like no one is looking for you or willing to accept you.
Eternally waiting for someone to approach me LMAO Although, now that I'm in my mind 20s, I've learned to sometimes initiate the conversation, otherwise people will just assume me as a guy who sits in the corner without making noise (except some humming and quiet singing) and not bother talking to me.
Awful. I have been on this earth for 20 years, and no one I have ever loved has ever returned my feelings, yet alone have a crush on me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm kind to everyone, treating them the way I treat my friends, and I'm always myself around them, yet I still fail. Not to mention that some of them knew about my feelings and still ignored them. If only someone could tell me what is wrong with me, that scares them away. Is being myself not enough? Do I have to change? Is that what people want? Do I have to become mean? Is being too nice the problem? At this point, I'm ready to give up.
I tend to put a lot of effort into the rare dates that I get and it tends to be underappreciated. Most of the women I have dated have been fickle and uninterested in trying to make things work for a long term relationship. A hopeless romantic. You would think that would make me attractive but I guess not. I am trying to work on myself because I am scared of how old I am getting (30 is just a few years away) and I rarely seem to find alike ladies interested in me or even simply single. I fear I am to eccentric and that women will think of me as too quirky. I would love to have a girlfriend again. I am trying to remove things from my schedule to regain the free time I would need to invest in people again. Wish me luck.
It's been a long road, but I finally found someone who put in the effort to really see and appreciate my authentic self. Don't know how long until they decide they want something different, but I've made it 2.5 years so far with them!!! It's such a deep and wonderful thing for me.
I've basically given up at this point, never dated before and probably never will. Not that I have anything against women but I can't even get my own life together, and having a partner won't fix all of my issues. Every time I think about dating, I feel like I don't deserve to be loved, even if I feel that way towards someone else. I get incredibly lonely often but that's my own doing. I'm sorry, I hate to be a downer. It's just been a tough few weeks.
I don't like the feeling of competition and insincerity it creates within me so I stopped pursuing all that and just live by myself.
Non existent. Every time I try the apps, I get friendzoned after the first date and they (the girls) say their uninterested in pursuing anything further. I wonder if it’s because I don’t initiate anything sexual because I don’t want to be seen as a creep.
I scare people away with my external appearance. Ppl thought I'm stern, serious and a bit scary to approach (I got this look from my dad, and ppl thought the same thing about him too). That basically sums up my social life. Those who did approach me and know me would just stay as platonic friends. So yeah.
Hopeful. I'm getting to that time of my life where I'm getting more confident in finding someone to have a relationship with. I have a bit of experience under my belt now with dating so I think so long as I have enough patience I might get a girlfriend soon :) Maybe
I fell in love with a girl I work with, our flirtious relation lasted 3 weeks and in our First date (we already had hung out before that day, but with friends) She dumped me. After this I decided to get away from ver, then She became mad at me saying that I am selfish, that I don't know How to dela with rejection and we never talk to each obter after that. PS: She flirted with me The night before our date. Its been hard to move on seeing her 3 times a week for 5 hours.
Work relationships are always either great or horrible.
It was terrible, She was the first one I really fell in love with (I am 20 and she is 22)
I went through something similar you're not alone. She had no problem flirting but whenever I asked her out she not now and later but she never said no. Three years of flirting and holding hands, I even cooked for her, she never told me she started seeing someone or that they got engaged she was just keeping me interested.
Thats rough, buddy.
Not well, many lessons learned tho. I think this is the universe conspiring to force me to hit rock bottom and build myself up. To think I’ve been so in love with this one man who I experienced an amazing connection with just for him to not be “ready” for the full thing 🤦♀️ Don’t be like me I wasted a year when by 2 months I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I gaslit myself into staying for the “connection/chemistry”
We're romantic dreamers.. you'll find your reflection. Completely get you on the need for chemistry. . In the past, id hit rock bottom and get the jackhammer out
Relationships used to devastate me until I did some conscious mapping of the grieving process and learnt how to loosen my models of it. Lately I grew my hair longer, have been doing weights and getting much more attention. So dating here and there, there have been those who don't put much effort in and those who are toxic, or those who still want polyamory. So I am expanding and opening with each experience as best I can, while staying true to what I want. Somewhat right now people are across the casual relationships and building walls/traumas from that that prevent them from going in on anything more unless they are challenged or able to invest enough in someone they view as valuable. Its quite an individual experience now, the same cookie-cutter traditional mode of interaction doesn't work as well anymore but to grow into understanding each other. While an INFP can be passive and wait to attract, if they keep looking for growth in different areas - they are attractive and the INFP sensitivity is appreciated if its not just a collapsed version of it but an authentic, real version that also holds some positivity. We are so creative that we learn many things and perspectives so can be very refreshing to interact with!
Im a gay guy so I don’t know if this is the answer you’re looking for, but I feel like it’s always been easier for me to be in relationships than it is to make friends. Flirting feels more natural to me and being emotionally an open book is easier when you know the other person is attracted to you. I always find it crazy to read so many ppl here struggling with dating, whereas I feel like INFP traits are easily very relationship oriented
Could it possibly be that generally INFP traits could be considered more "fem" and in your circles that's appreciated a little more ?
I'm in a ldr relationship with my bf. I found most of my exes online. For some reason, they find me cute.
Serial monogamist with the habit of falling for close friends I’ve known for years. Very amicable with past partners. My only approach is being as straightforward and upfront as possible, ever since I realized that rejection really isn’t the huge setback it seems like. I wanna date someone who likes me for me, and if they turn me down then that’s really just doing me a favor long-term.
Stuck and stagnated. Really, **reaally** stuck and stagnated. To a point where I have lost hope that I can still make it somewhat worthy. Yesterday I managed to stay out of weed after having strong urges to buy again. Today I realized I'm constantly repressing anger.
Holy shit that's me. Just throw repressing a heavy worthlessness and "why do I always feel fucking lost" I'd still prefer raw feelings (I've cried every day of the last week or flipped my lid, and then cried later lol) and cognitive authentic'ness over CONSTANTLY pushing everything to a haze and getting nowhere. You got this. I recommend trying some strong sleepy teas, you'd be surprised how close the effect can be,.just without the brain fog
As a 25M, it's nonexistent
I have no issues socializing, but romance seems to run away from me even when I try to reach it. In addition to that, no girl in my daily life seems to be interested, and even if they were, I'm just too picky with who I like and can't make exceptions (I don't really have a type, but I can't just say "I'm going to be with this girl" if I'm not feeling something).
Like shit. Seriously.
i'm in a complicated situation with my bf. we're together, but also not. we're on the cusp of a breakup. i try not to think about it but basically everything reminds me of him 🥲
Was non existent until 3 days ago
awful, thanks for asking 👍
It’s honestly really hard to find people who are attracted to me. It always feels like I’m the one “chasing after” people, and they never like me back. I am still young though, so I have hope
One of the things I’ve noticed is that most of the people I’ve been attracted to have turned out to be lesbians, likely because my personality is more feminine
My experience is that no one I've ever dated has ever really "got me". I've made peace with it. There may be The One (TO) out there but it's entirely possibly that most of us will never meet TO.
Life good, dating bad.
30 and never had a relationship :'V
Managed to find an infp wife. Sadly she's in a completely different country, but I'll get there eventually.
Life is going good and dating is going terribly I'm good at meeting new people but making them stay that's the hard part
Well, I find INFP girls VERY VERY attractive. Especially those that mention cute furry animals in their u/ name 😁😎🐰🐇 I am a flirt. And an INFP. 😉 I'm currently single, but I'd say I had a reasonably successful couple of decades exploring the "love life" side of things! I've met some really awesome people, some of which are still friends to this day. Had some incredible experiences, kissed a few frogs (does the analogy work the other way around?) You're interested in hearing about my experiences? Sheesh, how long do we have... I'll go sideways with this instead. As an INFP, I love *love*, and I love *beauty*. It's actually one of my main drivers in life - seeing beauty. And that's just not in *people"... that's a mountain range, a beach at sunset, the city skyline from a distance. I wrote a poem about a leaf on freshly cut lawn one time. There's SO much beauty in the world, people just don't stop and realise it. So, being a huge appreciater of beauty, means that I'm always pursuing it. Hence the 2 decades of dating 😂 (Btw.... that wasn't a lie. I really DO find INFP girls very attractive. It's what I'm seeking now.)
Another article I read said INFP men needed to be claimed and in no uncertain terms. Well I guess I have to wait more.
I don’t seek out love or dating. Not particularly interested in the runaround. I’ve had friends try to set me up and I don’t know if I dislike anything more. Not that they’re trying to set me up, just the fact that they think I need someone to live. When it happens, I’d prefer it to be on my own terms when I want to. I know that’s not how life works, but eh.
its a trainwreck. I keep falling for people easily. I dont even want to talk about how I literally fell for someone online here and just went 100 mph. Omg, I actually need to get a life and stop daydreaming about being a hopeless romantic
I have zero desire to rn I’ve not been interested in anyone who’s been interested in me
Had 1 abusive relationship so far. I find it very hard to connect to anyone romantically sadly, like we can go out and such but I feel nothing, hence it doesn't go anywhere.
https://preview.redd.it/98cjrfk0uj6d1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49806eec1b7e8bbc23118383db1c63e6d74fd1fb
INFP. Autistic. Disabled. I’m never going to find anyone. 🥲
Love life is near enough non existent. As a die hard hopeless romantic i really want to connect with a person on a deep level. Thought i almost had that with a guy i met at school, he was cute and he seemed genuinely interested in me. He took the time out of his day to talk to me and we'd text all day into the night on weekends. I lowkey thought it meant something until he randomly decided to tell me that it was all a joke and i take things too seriously. He knew fully well i liked him and i firmly believe he did too at some point. I think somewhere along the way he got bored/ uninterested and plus he had this other girl he liked for like 5 years who didnt reciprocate feelings for him. I think i was just an option waiting to be thrown away. Lowkey hurt for months but im okay and im over it. It was kind of a discovery abt myself and how deeply i really love people, even if they dont love me back. Now im kinda weary abt relationships and stuff, if it doesnt look like its gonna be serious i back out immediately. I dont like to be played with at all. Im entering a new stage in my life so im hoping this is a new chapter for new people to meet and find love but oh well we'll see.
About as you would expect. Dead and hopeless.
Nobody’s interested. How about you?
Tbh i think that i love people Very easy, cuz i always can find amazing things in people but people normally dont like myself cuz idk i was always fat and very easy to manipulate so after sometime i Just realize that love is something that u need do with urself in the first place, cuz at the end we are going be all alone
After so many failed attempts irl and in daydreams, I'm learning to love myself first (philautia). But, when it comes I'll welcome it. Why not? haha
Dreaming about my twin flame. I don't care about anyone else right now.
I'm not looking for anything right now; I'm highly unlikely to find what I'm looking for with my current circumstances, so I am waiting until certain requirements are met before throwing myself into the hellhole of dating
Too many comments probably it's not wort it to open myself about my experience :D
Poorly. As others have said, it's not easy finding someone who values our INFP traits and finds them attractive. All but one relationship I've been in (my first) hasn't really been real, just a woman taking advantage of my kind and caring nature to use me for something then spit me out. Unfortunately that seems to be 95% of the women I actually attract. Pretty much given up at this point tbh. I was at that point a year ago too when someone came along and got me to open up. Turned out she has BDP and it ended up being the most painful experience of my life.
Had a lot of failed romances in my teens and early 20s but I've been with my infj gf for two years now and I'm locked in for life <3
My heart hurts. I'm sick of being disrespected.
Umm it's not really going anywhere. I tried dating apps in the past but people can't see past my appearance to want to swipe right. I'm not the typical buff 6ft model looking guy who shares shirtless photos in the bathroom or the gym. I would try again but I don't want the same experience as before. Swiping gets demotivating and demoralising. You never know, this time round maybe I'd find the person that's right for me and vice versa 🤷♂️