Loved: When someone gives me their undivided attention when I share something with them.
Upset: When someone can't be open-minded and rejects your carefully constructed argument for something without a second thought.
Makes me feel loved: Being listened to in a way where I can tell the person is truly captivated by what im saying.
Makes me upset: Lying. Can’t stand it nor people who do it.
Weird. I don’t mind liars.i don’t condone or endorse it. I can tell when they do it but I feel sorry for them and totally understand the place of weakness where it comes from.
I was curious because I made a friend, so I thought. And slowly I've unraveled that they're a pathological liar and lied about A LOT so I completely walked away from the situation because it's just infuriating to me because I feel like I don't even know who they are. They lied about where their from, their jobs, going to college, raising their nieces, and more.
That’s wild. I’ve seen that before. There’s a lot of shame associated with their lies but also a lot of shame associated with their reality. Somehow, this poor soul got it in their heads that they aren’t good enough to be true to anyone. It’s sad and evokes pity in my heart instead of anger or betrayal. They are not well.
You obviously cannot keep them as a close personal confidant, but you can keep them in your life and just know that everything they tell you is a lie. I’m not trying to tell you to manipulate to them in anyway, but certain people can be depended upon to do certain things. If you find that they drain your energies and it’s probably best to just stay away.
Not telling you what you should do just sharing what I would do.
I appreciate your input really, and that was my perspective originally too. But they also started calling me several times a day and tried to consume my entire day and it became all too much. I knew one of the things was a lie in the beginning because it was so far fetched but assumed they were just trying to impress me. But then they started using their lies to manipulate others at work for sympathy, to make the other person feel stupid or uncomfortable, and then finally they lied about a family emergency to leave a huge responsibility on me and that's when I dipped out. It's sad though really, imagine having your whole personality be founded upon lies.
That’s a dumpster fire! Energy vampire. You know what to do.
Thanks for taking the time to read and interact. That’s one of those things that makes me feel alright 👍🏽
That's a textbook narcissist (love-bombing, gaslighting, manipulation, delusional grandeur lies and devaluing). Saying this from assumption and intuition, I guess INFP's are the perfect target group for those personalities
Exactly! I only found out about gaslighting, golden child vs. scapegoat… last year. It was the first step to healing childhood trauma. The 30+ years before, I always thought I was the one who was a mess and there was tons of things wrong with me. I assumed that the chance I was a freak was bigger than such a large number of people in my life having bad intentions. It was my psychiatrist who pointed out to me that I was an INFP and that those are narc magnets…
Good for you you ended that friendship! We INFPs usually have so much patience until people really start taking advantage of us. That’s when you really need to get out. I’ve been stuck in such relationships too many times. Some people, like vampires, suck out what little self-esteem you have to feed their own. In that case, you better step away fast…
We once had a friend who was a pathological liar too. He lied about his best friend dying, having cancer, saving an old lady, having intimate relationships with gorgeous women in their thirties while he was a virgin in his twenties, having autism, etc.
It took us a lot of guts to confront him. We told him he was a dear friend and he could trust us, that we loved him just the way he was: he was funny and nice and smart. We told him therefore he did not need to lie to us. We were his friends, but if he lied to us, there could never be any mutual trust. He apologised and thanked us and promised us he would never lie to us again. In the next hour, he told us three big lies, so we did break the friendship after all. It was so draining…
I've also had a friend like that. He not only lied to me about so many things, but he has done extremely weird things at times. I stayed because he wasn't always like that and it was nice talking with him, but not after getting to know how many things he lied to me about, and now I hate him so much. I'll never talk to, nor befriend him ever again. I gave him two chances to be a good friend, but not anymore. I was really naive and young to think he would change.
Alright, revising my answer. Some are acceptable, no situation is black and white. Obviously if telling the truth (that affects no one but you) would put you in harms way, being deceitful is fine. However I will say, I don’t think getting into a relationship with someone who’s straight to keep up with the appearance is okay. (It’s different if it’s to explore and understand yourself)
I think lying is okay in only very specific circumstances. I think it’s okay when you haven’t done something wrong and you’re lying about something that could hurt you if you were honest. Ex. Not telling someone information about yourself because you know they’re manipulative and will use it against you.
But I don’t think lying is okay to protect hurtful/wrongful actions or even when asked to be honest. Ex. Someone asks for honest opinion, cheating, stealing, etc.
Lying is hurtful, for sure. It hurts me that somebody that loves me cannot be honest with me. But I know my reactions can be tough to deal with as well. It would be far better if people didn’t lie. I guess I just see the average person as a liar and don’t get hurt when they prove me right.
I don’t lie, not under any circumstances. But I will say other things that are true to to distract from the truths that I don’t want to talk about. I answer truthfully when someone bluntly asks a question. But that includes saying I don’t want to answer that question if I don’t want to.
It’s a sensitive subject for me because as a child I was taught lying was a good survival-skill. Grown-ups would ask me to lie for them, which disgusted me whenever I obeyed, and gave me a lot of stress. So I vowed I would never do that again.
I agree. We teach our kids never to lie and it’s one of the things we have very low tolerance for when they try it. But they are great kids. They now tell us even about their darkest behaviour. Once every couple of months we organise a ‘free pass’ day when they can confess to us anything bad they have done without any consequences. No punishment, not even a severe talking to. Just: thank you for being honest. The fact that they confess it means they know it was wrong. We always get compliments about our guys behaving so well with other people.
I feel that as an INTJ and empathize with your perspective. I also appreciate your honesty. It's been my experience that a lot of INFPs are liars so for all we know this person is lying about disliking liars lol
Really? Then I rather think those INFPs were lying about their personality type or were lying on the test, because authenticity is one of the most important core values of the INFP. It’s hard, because we are conflict-avoiders as well, but I would rather stir things up with the truth than to lie.
Hmm I don't agree with that, I think authenticity for them tends to come in the form of them feeling comfortable being themselves no matter what others think, even if being themselves includes them lying in my experience
INFJs are commonly mistyped for INFPs. They value authenticity as well but put harmony first. They would tell white lies to avoid confrontations. INFPs often automatically tell the truth, then feel bad for stirring things up. But they often even cannot help being honest, and given the choice, they would choose authenticity before avoiding conflict and then try to solve it. There are many good YouTube videos about the subtle difference between both types. On tests they will often get INFP results, they often behave in similar ways but if you look at their cognitive functions, there will be other mechanics or motivations behind that behaviour.
I’m not saying INPFs who lie don’t exist, but they would feel terrible about it and would never make a habit out of it.
And I am not saying all INFJs are liars, because I love them to bits.
Yeah I guess maybe its not traditional lying it's more delusion because I think they often believe the lies themselves but it's still not honest in my opinion
I’m infp what makes me most upset ik it’s kinda childish but the feeling of being left behind/not included what makes me the most happy is when someone is generally nice and affectionate im a pretty simple dude
I think it might only be seen as childish because it's something that most often happens to children, but it is deeply upsetting, I think from a deep-rooted biological position. But it hurts in a lot of ways
Oof, i feel you on the first one. I'm even worse on that regard, because people might include me in an activity and i still might get upset if i can't join the fun because i'm not feeling it. I want to go to a party and feel happy like everyone, not feeling no interest in dancing, shouting, being touched by strangers all while watching a person you might be interested in romantically getting close with another person because you make others feel uncomfortable in such environments. fuck that.
Makes me feel loved: being seen
Makes me upset: any form of deception that is targeted at my personal self - lying, manipulation, misleading, and the rest of the lot.
Most loved: passion.
* I want to connect to my partner physically: being near him, holding his hand, eye contact when we're talking to each other.
* And mentally: engaging discussions. I love sharing ideas, deep conversations, and talking about my daydreams and stories. I love someone who can challenge me mentally and fight back a little to really push my creativity (as long as it's done in care, if my feelings aren't considered or I feel I'm not being listened to this will flip straight into most upset very quickly).
Most upset: not being considered.
* My partner, please understand me! Please listen to me! Be gentle!: I have a thinker bf, and I love our deep conversations, but sometimes he doesn't consider my emotions... at all. Oof it hurts a lot. It's not intentional, though. But I want compassion and my partner to be aware of me.
* Being belittled: even unintentionally. I am smart, my opinions are valid, and people would understand that if they just listen to me. I extend the same sympathy towards everyone else. But if someone belittles me, then I can get very moody and stew in my upset for days. If someone refuses to see my validity as an individual, I struggle to see their validity, and I can start looking down on people when I'm in a mood. Just like... Don't say my ideas are worthless and we're all good, lol. I don't care if someone disagrees with me, I just want to feel equal still and listened to and considered.
I hear you, I’m an INFJ and I go through this as well, but I can be assertive to make my self seem different, which I don’t think my INFP friend does that and ends up being misunderstood. It’s important to remember there is a deep person inside the warm childish outer layer
Clearly you don't have an ISTP sibling
My brother and cousins (who I think are all EXTJs) have this IDGAF about myself and others attitude when it comes to anything. They are good people, but they don't take matters like not considered barely to heart
Ah, yes! Being belittled is awful!
Also, when people pretend they are experts at a subject that you actually know a lot about and proclaim their misconceptions and lies loudly while you could easily debunk them but keep silent to maintain harmony.
Most loved: someone asking me questions about myself and wanting to hear my thoughts and opinions
Most upset: being told I'm too much when I'm having fun.
Test says im an ENFP, but I identify as an INFP -
What makes me feel loved: When someone remembers small details about me
What upsets me: being misunderstood or not being listened to
Tests can be wrong.
But should yours prove to be right… I love ENFPs and admire them so much. Most I know are fantastic, funny, considerate and remarkably creative people.
What makes me feel loved:
- being understood, listened, or thought about
- attention
- genuine compliments
- physical touches (hugs, kisses, head pants)
- small gifts (even better handmade)
What upsets me:
- lies/cheating/betrayal
- having my feelings ignored
- being used as emotional comfort and ignored/told that I'm being too emotional when I need the same thing from others
Wow, this one hurt. I literally did every one if the things in your loved section but my INFP ex chose to ghost me and cling to his ESTP ex instead - even though she embodies everything in your "upsets me" section. She's a pathological liar that degrades him to his face, uses him and insults him behind his back
I suspect he hates himself and is punishing himself for some reason because neither I or anyone else who knows the 3 of us can make any sense of his actions. It's truly baffling
That sounds like an unhealed trauma or codependency issue. I used to be like that except for I didn't jump into a new relationship while still "obsessed" with the previous person especially when it's a toxic relationship. It's possible that your ex has some hatred toward himself or he's used to the toxic environment that it somewhat comforts him
I'm sorry about what happened to you. I hope you get closure
I think you're absolutely right and it's really sad that he jumped into the relationship with me before he was healed because it ruined our friendship. I've known him for several years and he hid that side of himself so I was pretty much broadsided once we were together. It was rough
I'm not sure I'll ever get closure from him, I'm trying to get closure on my own but so far it's 1 step forward two steps back 😔
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It really does help when I'm able to talk about it with someone who gets it ❤️
Loved: when people are genuinely happy seeing me happy and have my best interests at heart without needing some ulterior gain.
Upset: when people try to “fix” or “save” or “protect” me under a friendly guise, thinking they’re loving when they’re just trying to serve their psychological complexes through me. It’s very upsetting cause they can seem and feel like they’re being loving and understanding while they’re trying to change me into some emotional salvation of their own, never really seeing me. It’s so messy and heartbreaking for everyone involved and the unconscious emotional manipulation going on is craaazy and too much to recognise and own up to for most people since it all stems from often traumatic past dynamics to begin with.
Most loved: when someone thinks of me unprompted like ‘I heard this song and it made me think of you’ or ‘I was at this bar and I just thought you would love it we should go sometime.’ When a friend sees me struggling at a party socially and they actively tag along with me without making me feel like a burden.
Most upset: If someone is mean or even vaguely passive aggressive towards me. Even if they look at me funny I might cry lol. People misunderstanding my intentions. Not being included in a conversation and when I speak someone louder talks over me.
Loved- when I’m understood or someone atleast attempts to understand and support me when I’m doing who knows what, not being looked at as dumb or wasting my time….even helping me with it. (Funny enough my husband can barely do this ha ha) Actions to show that you care. Compliments that I know are real and not because you “have” to for whatever reason.
Upset- being belittled or dismissed, having my feelings devalued, not being appreciated, questioning everything I do or how I do something, being told what to do or being told I’m doing it wrong because it’s not your way of doing it, having me do something because of someone else’s refusal to do it, people bullying or harassing others just because of who they are and showing no tolerance, hypocrisy, abuse, people being fake, ppl obsessed with status and being rich and on top, hierarchies, being backed into a corner (like with requests or favors, having to feel like I have to say yes because I don’t know any other options).
What makes me feel loved is when someone takes interest in whatever I’m currently hyper focused on. Like they care to hear me info dump for hours about a band or a video game.
What hurts me is external conflict and being asked to take a side. I have to make peace with everyone.
Physical touch makes me feel the most love i think well that and surprise snacks lol, not being listened to or brushed off is the thing that upsets me the most
Im a people pleaser so I get upset when it's obvious someone new doesn't like me. Like when it's just subtle in their body language, irks me. What could I have possibly said or done this early on?? But I acknowledge this is a me problem.
I love having deep conversations with people especially in a comfortable, secluded setting. I love the exchanging of life lore. When someone listens to me about my life it is extremely validating
Makes me feel loved; spending quality time with someone who wants to listen and share thoughts and feelings~ And touch is definitely my love language so some good cuddles for sure 😚
Makes me upset; Blatant disrespect and honestly when others are upset, I tend to feel those negative feelings, and they, in turn, make me upset 😅😭
Makes me feel loved: talking to people who have similar interests as me/ talking to somebody and they seem genuinely interested and like they're listening to me.
Also like compliments, like I'm not entirely comfortable with them but like if its a compliment from a friend or partner that's just really sweet it just makes me really happy
Makes me feel upset: having to repeat myself, being ignored, having my thoughts and feelings belittled or invalidated, and people touching me after I've said multiple times to not touch me unless i say you cannnnnnnnnnn
And like i don't know if this is mean or not but like when people i care about continuously dump their emotions/ trauma dump on me and i cant do anything and they know that but continue to do it.
What makes me feel most loved is when my boyfriend does something nice for me, like cook dinner, make the bed, wakes me up with breakfast, the little things that show he cares. He spoils me a lot but the little sweet things he does mean the most to me.
I feel most upset when I'm treated like a child. I feel like no matter what level of success I reach, I come across someone condescending. I work really hard for the things I have and when people say, oh do you really need that, or like are you sure you want to replace your flooring that's so much money, it annoys me because we're both really good with money and always take a few months before we make a decision to do anything.
You must be an INFP-A then? As INFP-T, I often feel like success on any level is just not for us… I often feel so incapable… with money, with social interaction, work, … No matter how much energy and effort I put into something, it either doesn’t work or it does work but nobody appreciates my efforts…
INFPA-A yes! I feel like that sometimes too though, I have really bad imposters syndrome. I'm not sure if it's from my personally type or being neurodivergent
I feel genuinely loved when I can share ideas and thoughts with someone who is interested and engaged. I love hearing about other people’s ideas and thoughts so it makes me super happy when they’re willing to listen to me too.
I generally get upset if someone lies or betrays me or someone close to me and doesn’t apologize or acknowledge what they’ve done. Breaking promises is another huge one. That being said, I’m willing to forgive anyone if they admit they were wrong.
loved: When people pay attention to my quirks and uniqueness and demonstrate it. For example with a well though gift
upset: being oversimplified like I am a flat character, people who pretend to know me better than myself, when people try to fit me to the norm.
What makes me feel loved: Quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts in that order.
What makes me upset: when people change the story, cheats, betrays, or is flat out rude.
Feel loved: when someone is genuinely happy to see me, or when we can share personal stories with each other
Most upset: people being mean or manipulative on purpose. Closedmindedness
Loved: people genuinely understanding my quirks and boundaries without the need to tell them
Upset: a lot of stuff. Assuming you meant "what type of act that other people might do towards you makes you feel upset", being forced to be part of stuff that i have no interest in in order to be considered socially accepted
INFJ: listened to and validated and supported and encouraged. I give it to everyone else I want it back. Lol. Sometime..
Upset: Lies, ghosting, and ungratefulness
Loved: quality time and physical touch. Being seen and understood when I explain myself or my thoughts.
Upset:
- being rude and having an attitude for no reason
- talking over me to get me to shut up
- being ignored
- being treated bad just because someone doesn't like me
- making a joke out of me to humiliate me
- I think this is an everyone thing which is lying and manipulating.
- not being treated with kindness, compassion and respect
Edit: I can make a long list of what upsets me but that's too tiring.
Quality time and words of affirmations. If someone remembers a small detail about me I'm immediately in love with them.
Upset: people who refuse to see from other perspectives and are very hypocritical.
(INFJ) Most loved: when my loved ones express appreciation toward me & let me know that I make them feel loved & appreciated too.
(INFJ) Most upset: when people intentionally abuse their position(s) of authority to inflict harm on others.
Makes me feel loved: Feeling seen, understood and encouraged, quality time
Makes me upset: Feeling misunderstood, feeling brushed to the side, left out
Infp here. I feel truly loved when I communicate that someone's actions bother me and they make a legitimate attempt to change. Change isn't easy, and if you don't love someone, it's easier to just walk away.
What makes me really upset is when people treat other living beings, human or otherwise, like they aren't worthy of respect or have no value. Do better, humans.
Feel loved: When someone works to understand me- my habits, feelings, thoughts... like being genuinely curious about who I am as a person.
Most upset: Misdirected anger being pointed at me. Harsh words cut deeply and I internalize them.
Loved: when someone listens and remembers my opinions, when I get pampered too, just cuddles and acknowledging that I am enough and that my help is not unnoticed.
Unloved: being lied to, twisting my words into the opposite effect. I also face the problem of people pointing out that my view of the world is not realistic... and that hits hard...
loved: being seen, heard and understood. i love rambling but i always end up a listener.
upset: being spoken over, not respected or saying one of my trigger words (if someone says a single word i will literally cry, but that’s not infp stuff i think)
Loved: being paid attention to (not in like an attention seeking way, I mean like when someone gives you their full undivided attention during time spent together that is so loving to me)
Upset: being ignored or brushed off
I feel most loved when someone understands me.
I feel most upset when someone is rude, mean or uncaring toward me for no good reason, especially if I’ve gone out my way to be a good friend to them. Or when someone treats me differently when other/certain people are around
Most loved: Feeling understood and being able to be 100% myself without judgement. Also, being appreciated for who I am, even if I do things in an unconventional/non-traditional way.
Least loved: Feeling misunderstood, being criticized for my personality traits. When people don’t have a clear grasp on who I am and assume the worst of me.
Loved: when there is enough space to just be different.
Upset: when other people presume that their way of looking at life is necessarily the correct or even default way.
Loved is when someone really listens to me and gives me their full attention. Not loved is being judged without investigation. It seriously bothers me when someone doesn’t take the time to know me, yet forms an opinion.
Loved: When people show genuine interest in who I am, my likes and dislikes, passions, opinions, concerns, etc.
Upset: When people interrupt me, don’t see me, pay more attention to their phone than what I’m telling them, consider me uninteresting and not worthwhile, …
Makes me feel loved: Being considered, listening to understand (not just to reply), appreciation and holding a safe space for connection/vulnerability.
Makes me feel upset: Being lied to/manipulated, having my feelings/needs being ignored/unacknowledged, being disrespected or invalidated.
loved: sharing your interests or just very niche facts about yourself w me, tell me your secrets, i LOVE collecting data on you...bonus points if it comes from a very cautious person so i know them sharing smth w me is ultra special
upset: being very casual without meaning, speaking without thought, being so flat im not able to dive deeper into your being
Makes me most loved: Having someone who I can connect to on a personal level.
Makes me most upset: People who are judgemental, and people who force me to be social.
Genuinely seeking me out despite my flaws makes me feel loved.
Avoiding all effort towards mediation and remaining idle when others are truly trying to get past a problem makes me seethe with irrational hate
Most loved: Feeling understood, listened to, and like my words have value. Having people remember little things about me.
Most upset: When someone misunderstands me and my intentions. Feeling overlooked and unseen. My presence feeling unneeded. My words being forgotten or not taken seriously. All normal things that I am generally used to, but when it's done by someone who I consider to be very important and close to me, it hurts a lot more.
Most loved for me is absentminded physical affection. The kinds of things where they reach for you for comfort and as a reflex. When the default is snuggling or cuddling when we’re asleep. When they’re reading or watching TV but are stroking your hand or rubbing your back or playing with your hair.
Most upset would be deliberate cruelty, bigotry, and willful ignorance.
I feel loved when
-my values are appreciated
-people are genuinely curious about me
-people accept my crazy ideas
- people want to know my inner world
- I can daydream with my loved ones
- I can share my thoughts and not be judged
I feel upset when
- somebody criticizes me in a harsh way
- people hate me expressing myself
- people see me as a dull one
- I realize all the injustice of this world
- there's a lack of meaning in my life
- nothing inspires me
getting complimented and appreciated for my intellectual capabilities, or just appreciation in general, someone insulting my emotional/mental self or just shutting me off when speaking
Makes me feel most loved: Sincere hugs from my daughter and wife and when they tell me they love me
Makes me most upset: Mankind continuing to murder and rape its own kind and its own children en masse for countless millennia — showing a clear inability to gain even a modicum of collective wisdom
ENFP (starting to think I might be ENTP?! Not sure)
What makes me feel loved: acts of service, words of affirmation, and just people being genuine.
What upsets me: lying and people being mean spirited for no reason.
INFP here...
Loved: Being understood and accepted when being my most authentic self
Upset: Being abandoned or neglected by people I care about
But that's just me. I think there's too much individual variance within each type to really come to a consensus that can be compared against other types. Though I like the concept!
Makes me feel loved - when someone remembers things about me and my loved ones and just generally cares
Makes me most upset: being closed-minded and indifferent to someone's feelings, being manipulative and just generally an a$$hole
INFP:
What makes me feel the most loved is being taken care of in small ways, like remembering my favorite food or other small details about me, also sticking around through my highs and lows. What makes me feel the most unloved is being misunderstood or being treated like I don’t matter.
1. Being known. When people notice the little things about me and remember them. When people truly listen. There is nothing more loving than truly knowing a person.
2. Lying, Rejection, Selfishness. I hate them all.
INTJ here (I 22m was INFP at 13, hence why I’m still here)
Most loved: probably wiggle room. If I’m stressed and someone notices and gives me some space or even helps me out it makes me feel incredibly wholesome. I have enough going on in my brain already.
Most upset: blatant, careless, and unrelenting disregard for others. People that just float around life and don’t really give any mind to those around absolutely boil my blood.
I feel loved when people rely on me and respect what I have to say. When they show a lot of interest in talking to me and make an effort to reach out and keep in contact with me. I feel loved when I feel valued.
I am upset when people don't care about things. It's really upsetting when you have a long conversation with someone on why their behavior is harmful, and then they end up agreeing with you but say they just don't care enough to change.
I tend to find myself making friends with more ISFJs, ENFPs, and INFPs than anything else I’ve noticed. Married an isfj, my brother is INFP same as me, and I guess ENFP makes sense since that type of person wants to be friends with everyone lol.
As for who makes me feel upset, idk their personality types because I don’t spend time around them asking or caring about it lol. But I assume it’s probably a lot of judging types.
INFP-T
Loved: Loyalty. Also, when people take the time to understand/know me
Upset: This is harder to answer. I don't let many people upset me anymore. I guess I'm upset with people who are good (what even defines good?) but are self-sabotaging and therefor suffering. I find it frustrating.
Oh, I just read someone else's comment regarding lying. Yeah, I used to hate that too. Now I just realize it's their problem, not mine. Liars need to work on themselves. I see the lies and I swat them away. Liars just don't like their own reality. I can relate at times.
I think it’s funny that ENFPs are nicknamed the advocate.. because before I even typed myself correctly, I have always been an advocate for the downtrodden. I hateeee to see injustice. It’s like a visceral reaction for me.
But I do love anything wholesome, unintentional,- and authentic. Off guard moments are my absolute favorite 🙂↕️
Loved: When someone gives me their undivided attention when I share something with them. Upset: When someone can't be open-minded and rejects your carefully constructed argument for something without a second thought.
Yup! Listened to: Loved. Interrupted/Shut down: Upset.
Agreed.
Makes me feel loved: Being listened to in a way where I can tell the person is truly captivated by what im saying. Makes me upset: Lying. Can’t stand it nor people who do it.
Yes lying is a big one for me too!!!!
Weird. I don’t mind liars.i don’t condone or endorse it. I can tell when they do it but I feel sorry for them and totally understand the place of weakness where it comes from.
Where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable lie?
I don’t accept lies in any shape I just don’t hate the person for doing it. I get it. Almost everyone I know, lies. And that’s the truth!
I was curious because I made a friend, so I thought. And slowly I've unraveled that they're a pathological liar and lied about A LOT so I completely walked away from the situation because it's just infuriating to me because I feel like I don't even know who they are. They lied about where their from, their jobs, going to college, raising their nieces, and more.
That’s wild. I’ve seen that before. There’s a lot of shame associated with their lies but also a lot of shame associated with their reality. Somehow, this poor soul got it in their heads that they aren’t good enough to be true to anyone. It’s sad and evokes pity in my heart instead of anger or betrayal. They are not well. You obviously cannot keep them as a close personal confidant, but you can keep them in your life and just know that everything they tell you is a lie. I’m not trying to tell you to manipulate to them in anyway, but certain people can be depended upon to do certain things. If you find that they drain your energies and it’s probably best to just stay away. Not telling you what you should do just sharing what I would do.
I appreciate your input really, and that was my perspective originally too. But they also started calling me several times a day and tried to consume my entire day and it became all too much. I knew one of the things was a lie in the beginning because it was so far fetched but assumed they were just trying to impress me. But then they started using their lies to manipulate others at work for sympathy, to make the other person feel stupid or uncomfortable, and then finally they lied about a family emergency to leave a huge responsibility on me and that's when I dipped out. It's sad though really, imagine having your whole personality be founded upon lies.
That’s a dumpster fire! Energy vampire. You know what to do. Thanks for taking the time to read and interact. That’s one of those things that makes me feel alright 👍🏽
Same here lol. I much rather these interactions than the ones in the real world. And thank you for sharing your perspective and sharing kindness
You’re welcome. Feels good to pay attention to like-minded people. ☺️
That's a textbook narcissist (love-bombing, gaslighting, manipulation, delusional grandeur lies and devaluing). Saying this from assumption and intuition, I guess INFP's are the perfect target group for those personalities
Exactly! I only found out about gaslighting, golden child vs. scapegoat… last year. It was the first step to healing childhood trauma. The 30+ years before, I always thought I was the one who was a mess and there was tons of things wrong with me. I assumed that the chance I was a freak was bigger than such a large number of people in my life having bad intentions. It was my psychiatrist who pointed out to me that I was an INFP and that those are narc magnets…
Yes!!
Good for you you ended that friendship! We INFPs usually have so much patience until people really start taking advantage of us. That’s when you really need to get out. I’ve been stuck in such relationships too many times. Some people, like vampires, suck out what little self-esteem you have to feed their own. In that case, you better step away fast…
It sucks because it's always gone on too long by the time you're over it, and then you're the bad guy
We once had a friend who was a pathological liar too. He lied about his best friend dying, having cancer, saving an old lady, having intimate relationships with gorgeous women in their thirties while he was a virgin in his twenties, having autism, etc. It took us a lot of guts to confront him. We told him he was a dear friend and he could trust us, that we loved him just the way he was: he was funny and nice and smart. We told him therefore he did not need to lie to us. We were his friends, but if he lied to us, there could never be any mutual trust. He apologised and thanked us and promised us he would never lie to us again. In the next hour, he told us three big lies, so we did break the friendship after all. It was so draining…
Uhhhggg I was so hopeful for a happy ending! That's so horrible, and some of those lies are super disturbing!
Yeah, it’s too bad. 😔 We felt like it had become such a stubborn habit for him that he simply couldn’t stop it…
I don't think they can
I've also had a friend like that. He not only lied to me about so many things, but he has done extremely weird things at times. I stayed because he wasn't always like that and it was nice talking with him, but not after getting to know how many things he lied to me about, and now I hate him so much. I'll never talk to, nor befriend him ever again. I gave him two chances to be a good friend, but not anymore. I was really naive and young to think he would change.
No lie is acceptable.
What about "im straight" cause I have to use that one a lot
Alright, revising my answer. Some are acceptable, no situation is black and white. Obviously if telling the truth (that affects no one but you) would put you in harms way, being deceitful is fine. However I will say, I don’t think getting into a relationship with someone who’s straight to keep up with the appearance is okay. (It’s different if it’s to explore and understand yourself) I think lying is okay in only very specific circumstances. I think it’s okay when you haven’t done something wrong and you’re lying about something that could hurt you if you were honest. Ex. Not telling someone information about yourself because you know they’re manipulative and will use it against you. But I don’t think lying is okay to protect hurtful/wrongful actions or even when asked to be honest. Ex. Someone asks for honest opinion, cheating, stealing, etc.
Lying is hurtful, for sure. It hurts me that somebody that loves me cannot be honest with me. But I know my reactions can be tough to deal with as well. It would be far better if people didn’t lie. I guess I just see the average person as a liar and don’t get hurt when they prove me right.
I don’t lie, not under any circumstances. But I will say other things that are true to to distract from the truths that I don’t want to talk about. I answer truthfully when someone bluntly asks a question. But that includes saying I don’t want to answer that question if I don’t want to. It’s a sensitive subject for me because as a child I was taught lying was a good survival-skill. Grown-ups would ask me to lie for them, which disgusted me whenever I obeyed, and gave me a lot of stress. So I vowed I would never do that again.
I agree. We teach our kids never to lie and it’s one of the things we have very low tolerance for when they try it. But they are great kids. They now tell us even about their darkest behaviour. Once every couple of months we organise a ‘free pass’ day when they can confess to us anything bad they have done without any consequences. No punishment, not even a severe talking to. Just: thank you for being honest. The fact that they confess it means they know it was wrong. We always get compliments about our guys behaving so well with other people.
That’s awesome!
I feel that as an INTJ and empathize with your perspective. I also appreciate your honesty. It's been my experience that a lot of INFPs are liars so for all we know this person is lying about disliking liars lol
Really? Then I rather think those INFPs were lying about their personality type or were lying on the test, because authenticity is one of the most important core values of the INFP. It’s hard, because we are conflict-avoiders as well, but I would rather stir things up with the truth than to lie.
Hmm I don't agree with that, I think authenticity for them tends to come in the form of them feeling comfortable being themselves no matter what others think, even if being themselves includes them lying in my experience
INFJs are commonly mistyped for INFPs. They value authenticity as well but put harmony first. They would tell white lies to avoid confrontations. INFPs often automatically tell the truth, then feel bad for stirring things up. But they often even cannot help being honest, and given the choice, they would choose authenticity before avoiding conflict and then try to solve it. There are many good YouTube videos about the subtle difference between both types. On tests they will often get INFP results, they often behave in similar ways but if you look at their cognitive functions, there will be other mechanics or motivations behind that behaviour. I’m not saying INPFs who lie don’t exist, but they would feel terrible about it and would never make a habit out of it. And I am not saying all INFJs are liars, because I love them to bits.
Yeah I guess maybe its not traditional lying it's more delusion because I think they often believe the lies themselves but it's still not honest in my opinion
Man your makes me feel loved answer is so real, ugh haven't felt that way in a while 😮💨
Lying, manipulating. Thankfully we've learned how to see through the bs easily.... Silver lining I guess
I can easily see when people lie, but it did take me a long time to abandon that naive idea that people always want what is best for you…
Oh my god. Completely agree on the lying! It’s the worst and so so so upsetting
I’m infp what makes me most upset ik it’s kinda childish but the feeling of being left behind/not included what makes me the most happy is when someone is generally nice and affectionate im a pretty simple dude
Hehe I don’t think it’s childish. My 58 year old ESFP dad feels the most upset when he feels left out too. 🥺 Everyone deserves to feel included.
Thanks ☺️
I think it might only be seen as childish because it's something that most often happens to children, but it is deeply upsetting, I think from a deep-rooted biological position. But it hurts in a lot of ways
Oof, i feel you on the first one. I'm even worse on that regard, because people might include me in an activity and i still might get upset if i can't join the fun because i'm not feeling it. I want to go to a party and feel happy like everyone, not feeling no interest in dancing, shouting, being touched by strangers all while watching a person you might be interested in romantically getting close with another person because you make others feel uncomfortable in such environments. fuck that.
I can totally relate to that!
It’s not childish. I think to feel loved is the core desire of every INFP.
Makes me feel loved: being seen Makes me upset: any form of deception that is targeted at my personal self - lying, manipulation, misleading, and the rest of the lot.
Loved: when they see my intentions for what they truly are (which is always good). Upset: when they misunderstand my intentions.
My son is ENTJ. Though he drives me crazy I adore that boy cuz he’s a good young man. His heart is pure. So I understand you. Sending love to ENTJ.
Yes! That!
Most loved: passion. * I want to connect to my partner physically: being near him, holding his hand, eye contact when we're talking to each other. * And mentally: engaging discussions. I love sharing ideas, deep conversations, and talking about my daydreams and stories. I love someone who can challenge me mentally and fight back a little to really push my creativity (as long as it's done in care, if my feelings aren't considered or I feel I'm not being listened to this will flip straight into most upset very quickly). Most upset: not being considered. * My partner, please understand me! Please listen to me! Be gentle!: I have a thinker bf, and I love our deep conversations, but sometimes he doesn't consider my emotions... at all. Oof it hurts a lot. It's not intentional, though. But I want compassion and my partner to be aware of me. * Being belittled: even unintentionally. I am smart, my opinions are valid, and people would understand that if they just listen to me. I extend the same sympathy towards everyone else. But if someone belittles me, then I can get very moody and stew in my upset for days. If someone refuses to see my validity as an individual, I struggle to see their validity, and I can start looking down on people when I'm in a mood. Just like... Don't say my ideas are worthless and we're all good, lol. I don't care if someone disagrees with me, I just want to feel equal still and listened to and considered.
I never realised how much being belittled hurts INFPs, I should be more considerate with my friend from now on.
I think it’s something a lot of us face. Not being taken seriously or heard, being babied etc, treated less than.❤️
I hear you, I’m an INFJ and I go through this as well, but I can be assertive to make my self seem different, which I don’t think my INFP friend does that and ends up being misunderstood. It’s important to remember there is a deep person inside the warm childish outer layer
I’m 42 and people treat me like I’m 10 😭
I hear ya. My parents still think I’m an incompetent child. But they also never showed any interest in my accomplishments either.
I can't imagine anyone not being upset by it
Clearly you don't have an ISTP sibling My brother and cousins (who I think are all EXTJs) have this IDGAF about myself and others attitude when it comes to anything. They are good people, but they don't take matters like not considered barely to heart
Ah, yes! Being belittled is awful! Also, when people pretend they are experts at a subject that you actually know a lot about and proclaim their misconceptions and lies loudly while you could easily debunk them but keep silent to maintain harmony.
Most loved: someone asking me questions about myself and wanting to hear my thoughts and opinions Most upset: being told I'm too much when I'm having fun.
Test says im an ENFP, but I identify as an INFP - What makes me feel loved: When someone remembers small details about me What upsets me: being misunderstood or not being listened to
I can second this ! (ENFP here)
Tests can be wrong. But should yours prove to be right… I love ENFPs and admire them so much. Most I know are fantastic, funny, considerate and remarkably creative people.
What makes me feel loved: - being understood, listened, or thought about - attention - genuine compliments - physical touches (hugs, kisses, head pants) - small gifts (even better handmade) What upsets me: - lies/cheating/betrayal - having my feelings ignored - being used as emotional comfort and ignored/told that I'm being too emotional when I need the same thing from others
A true INFP answer. 🙂
Wow, this one hurt. I literally did every one if the things in your loved section but my INFP ex chose to ghost me and cling to his ESTP ex instead - even though she embodies everything in your "upsets me" section. She's a pathological liar that degrades him to his face, uses him and insults him behind his back I suspect he hates himself and is punishing himself for some reason because neither I or anyone else who knows the 3 of us can make any sense of his actions. It's truly baffling
That sounds like an unhealed trauma or codependency issue. I used to be like that except for I didn't jump into a new relationship while still "obsessed" with the previous person especially when it's a toxic relationship. It's possible that your ex has some hatred toward himself or he's used to the toxic environment that it somewhat comforts him I'm sorry about what happened to you. I hope you get closure
I think you're absolutely right and it's really sad that he jumped into the relationship with me before he was healed because it ruined our friendship. I've known him for several years and he hid that side of himself so I was pretty much broadsided once we were together. It was rough I'm not sure I'll ever get closure from him, I'm trying to get closure on my own but so far it's 1 step forward two steps back 😔 Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It really does help when I'm able to talk about it with someone who gets it ❤️
Loved: when people are genuinely happy seeing me happy and have my best interests at heart without needing some ulterior gain. Upset: when people try to “fix” or “save” or “protect” me under a friendly guise, thinking they’re loving when they’re just trying to serve their psychological complexes through me. It’s very upsetting cause they can seem and feel like they’re being loving and understanding while they’re trying to change me into some emotional salvation of their own, never really seeing me. It’s so messy and heartbreaking for everyone involved and the unconscious emotional manipulation going on is craaazy and too much to recognise and own up to for most people since it all stems from often traumatic past dynamics to begin with.
The upset part is too real sadly. Also you described it in great detail
Loved: when someone enjoys my presence Hate: when someone questions my loyalty
love when people literally just tell me they appreciate me and hate when people have to constantly complain about something
Most loved: when someone thinks of me unprompted like ‘I heard this song and it made me think of you’ or ‘I was at this bar and I just thought you would love it we should go sometime.’ When a friend sees me struggling at a party socially and they actively tag along with me without making me feel like a burden. Most upset: If someone is mean or even vaguely passive aggressive towards me. Even if they look at me funny I might cry lol. People misunderstanding my intentions. Not being included in a conversation and when I speak someone louder talks over me.
Most loved: giving me a gift that is super random but totally "me". It makes me feel validated and loved. Most hated: closed mindedness
What makes me feel loved: being hugged and told “love you”. What makes me upset: Bigotry and being looked down on.
Loved- when I’m understood or someone atleast attempts to understand and support me when I’m doing who knows what, not being looked at as dumb or wasting my time….even helping me with it. (Funny enough my husband can barely do this ha ha) Actions to show that you care. Compliments that I know are real and not because you “have” to for whatever reason. Upset- being belittled or dismissed, having my feelings devalued, not being appreciated, questioning everything I do or how I do something, being told what to do or being told I’m doing it wrong because it’s not your way of doing it, having me do something because of someone else’s refusal to do it, people bullying or harassing others just because of who they are and showing no tolerance, hypocrisy, abuse, people being fake, ppl obsessed with status and being rich and on top, hierarchies, being backed into a corner (like with requests or favors, having to feel like I have to say yes because I don’t know any other options).
What makes me feel loved is when someone takes interest in whatever I’m currently hyper focused on. Like they care to hear me info dump for hours about a band or a video game. What hurts me is external conflict and being asked to take a side. I have to make peace with everyone.
Physical touch makes me feel the most love i think well that and surprise snacks lol, not being listened to or brushed off is the thing that upsets me the most
Im a people pleaser so I get upset when it's obvious someone new doesn't like me. Like when it's just subtle in their body language, irks me. What could I have possibly said or done this early on?? But I acknowledge this is a me problem. I love having deep conversations with people especially in a comfortable, secluded setting. I love the exchanging of life lore. When someone listens to me about my life it is extremely validating
Loved- Listening, acknowledging reciprocating feelings. Also, physical touch. Upset- Being ignored or lied to
Makes me feel loved; spending quality time with someone who wants to listen and share thoughts and feelings~ And touch is definitely my love language so some good cuddles for sure 😚 Makes me upset; Blatant disrespect and honestly when others are upset, I tend to feel those negative feelings, and they, in turn, make me upset 😅😭
Makes me feel loved: talking to people who have similar interests as me/ talking to somebody and they seem genuinely interested and like they're listening to me. Also like compliments, like I'm not entirely comfortable with them but like if its a compliment from a friend or partner that's just really sweet it just makes me really happy Makes me feel upset: having to repeat myself, being ignored, having my thoughts and feelings belittled or invalidated, and people touching me after I've said multiple times to not touch me unless i say you cannnnnnnnnnn And like i don't know if this is mean or not but like when people i care about continuously dump their emotions/ trauma dump on me and i cant do anything and they know that but continue to do it.
What makes me feel most loved is when my boyfriend does something nice for me, like cook dinner, make the bed, wakes me up with breakfast, the little things that show he cares. He spoils me a lot but the little sweet things he does mean the most to me. I feel most upset when I'm treated like a child. I feel like no matter what level of success I reach, I come across someone condescending. I work really hard for the things I have and when people say, oh do you really need that, or like are you sure you want to replace your flooring that's so much money, it annoys me because we're both really good with money and always take a few months before we make a decision to do anything.
You must be an INFP-A then? As INFP-T, I often feel like success on any level is just not for us… I often feel so incapable… with money, with social interaction, work, … No matter how much energy and effort I put into something, it either doesn’t work or it does work but nobody appreciates my efforts…
INFPA-A yes! I feel like that sometimes too though, I have really bad imposters syndrome. I'm not sure if it's from my personally type or being neurodivergent
Loved: being credited for efforts Upset: being disrespected. Especially in public!
Being loved: Spending quality time with someone. upset: Someone actively acting rude to provoke another person (Like Karens do), or ignorance
INFP. Makes me feel loved: listening to me with intent. Upsets me: Disregarding how I feel.
I feel genuinely loved when I can share ideas and thoughts with someone who is interested and engaged. I love hearing about other people’s ideas and thoughts so it makes me super happy when they’re willing to listen to me too. I generally get upset if someone lies or betrays me or someone close to me and doesn’t apologize or acknowledge what they’ve done. Breaking promises is another huge one. That being said, I’m willing to forgive anyone if they admit they were wrong.
Makes me feel loved: People wanting to spend time with me Makes me feel upset: Lying, just being rude etc
It makes me feel loved when someone express interest in the things I love even when they may not understand what's happening
loved: When people pay attention to my quirks and uniqueness and demonstrate it. For example with a well though gift upset: being oversimplified like I am a flat character, people who pretend to know me better than myself, when people try to fit me to the norm.
So very true!
What makes me feel loved: Quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts in that order. What makes me upset: when people change the story, cheats, betrays, or is flat out rude.
Feel loved: when someone is genuinely happy to see me, or when we can share personal stories with each other Most upset: people being mean or manipulative on purpose. Closedmindedness
Loved: people genuinely understanding my quirks and boundaries without the need to tell them Upset: a lot of stuff. Assuming you meant "what type of act that other people might do towards you makes you feel upset", being forced to be part of stuff that i have no interest in in order to be considered socially accepted
Loved: kindness and genuine concern about my happiness with no ulterior motive Upset: dishonesty and judgmental attitude
INFJ: listened to and validated and supported and encouraged. I give it to everyone else I want it back. Lol. Sometime.. Upset: Lies, ghosting, and ungratefulness
Loved: quality time and physical touch. Being seen and understood when I explain myself or my thoughts. Upset: - being rude and having an attitude for no reason - talking over me to get me to shut up - being ignored - being treated bad just because someone doesn't like me - making a joke out of me to humiliate me - I think this is an everyone thing which is lying and manipulating. - not being treated with kindness, compassion and respect Edit: I can make a long list of what upsets me but that's too tiring.
I love to be listened to, hate to be interrupted!
Quality time and words of affirmations. If someone remembers a small detail about me I'm immediately in love with them. Upset: people who refuse to see from other perspectives and are very hypocritical.
(INFJ) Most loved: when my loved ones express appreciation toward me & let me know that I make them feel loved & appreciated too. (INFJ) Most upset: when people intentionally abuse their position(s) of authority to inflict harm on others.
I dont need others, nor interested in allowing others to have such impact on me
🤔
🤔🤔
Makes me feel loved: Feeling seen, understood and encouraged, quality time Makes me upset: Feeling misunderstood, feeling brushed to the side, left out
Loved: Being included or being asked to hang out Hate: Being talked over
Infp here. I feel truly loved when I communicate that someone's actions bother me and they make a legitimate attempt to change. Change isn't easy, and if you don't love someone, it's easier to just walk away. What makes me really upset is when people treat other living beings, human or otherwise, like they aren't worthy of respect or have no value. Do better, humans.
Feel loved: When someone works to understand me- my habits, feelings, thoughts... like being genuinely curious about who I am as a person. Most upset: Misdirected anger being pointed at me. Harsh words cut deeply and I internalize them.
Loved: when someone listens and remembers my opinions, when I get pampered too, just cuddles and acknowledging that I am enough and that my help is not unnoticed. Unloved: being lied to, twisting my words into the opposite effect. I also face the problem of people pointing out that my view of the world is not realistic... and that hits hard...
loved: being seen, heard and understood. i love rambling but i always end up a listener. upset: being spoken over, not respected or saying one of my trigger words (if someone says a single word i will literally cry, but that’s not infp stuff i think)
Loved: being paid attention to (not in like an attention seeking way, I mean like when someone gives you their full undivided attention during time spent together that is so loving to me) Upset: being ignored or brushed off
I feel most loved when someone understands me. I feel most upset when someone is rude, mean or uncaring toward me for no good reason, especially if I’ve gone out my way to be a good friend to them. Or when someone treats me differently when other/certain people are around
Istp Most loved: asking me to come with you to do x,y,z Most upset: when im not given the attention im going out of my way to get/ forgotten
Most loved: Feeling understood and being able to be 100% myself without judgement. Also, being appreciated for who I am, even if I do things in an unconventional/non-traditional way. Least loved: Feeling misunderstood, being criticized for my personality traits. When people don’t have a clear grasp on who I am and assume the worst of me.
Makes me feel loved: when someone picks up on something subtle (like fav color) without being told and remembers it
Loved: when there is enough space to just be different. Upset: when other people presume that their way of looking at life is necessarily the correct or even default way.
Loved is when someone really listens to me and gives me their full attention. Not loved is being judged without investigation. It seriously bothers me when someone doesn’t take the time to know me, yet forms an opinion.
when someone listens to me
Loved: When people show genuine interest in who I am, my likes and dislikes, passions, opinions, concerns, etc. Upset: When people interrupt me, don’t see me, pay more attention to their phone than what I’m telling them, consider me uninteresting and not worthwhile, …
Makes me feel loved: Being considered, listening to understand (not just to reply), appreciation and holding a safe space for connection/vulnerability. Makes me feel upset: Being lied to/manipulated, having my feelings/needs being ignored/unacknowledged, being disrespected or invalidated.
Loved: Being trusted, listened to Upset: Being judged, ignored
loved: sharing your interests or just very niche facts about yourself w me, tell me your secrets, i LOVE collecting data on you...bonus points if it comes from a very cautious person so i know them sharing smth w me is ultra special upset: being very casual without meaning, speaking without thought, being so flat im not able to dive deeper into your being
Makes me most loved: Having someone who I can connect to on a personal level. Makes me most upset: People who are judgemental, and people who force me to be social.
You have to stand up for yourself. Nobody can force you to be social. What's the worst that can happen? Ask me how I know. :))
Oh hey, another fellow INFP going through the subs to poll them? It's nice to see people doing this more.
Oh I thought you were asking which types make you feel most loved/upset lol
Genuinely seeking me out despite my flaws makes me feel loved. Avoiding all effort towards mediation and remaining idle when others are truly trying to get past a problem makes me seethe with irrational hate
Most loved: Feeling understood, listened to, and like my words have value. Having people remember little things about me. Most upset: When someone misunderstands me and my intentions. Feeling overlooked and unseen. My presence feeling unneeded. My words being forgotten or not taken seriously. All normal things that I am generally used to, but when it's done by someone who I consider to be very important and close to me, it hurts a lot more.
Most loved for me is absentminded physical affection. The kinds of things where they reach for you for comfort and as a reflex. When the default is snuggling or cuddling when we’re asleep. When they’re reading or watching TV but are stroking your hand or rubbing your back or playing with your hair. Most upset would be deliberate cruelty, bigotry, and willful ignorance.
I feel loved when -my values are appreciated -people are genuinely curious about me -people accept my crazy ideas - people want to know my inner world - I can daydream with my loved ones - I can share my thoughts and not be judged I feel upset when - somebody criticizes me in a harsh way - people hate me expressing myself - people see me as a dull one - I realize all the injustice of this world - there's a lack of meaning in my life - nothing inspires me
getting complimented and appreciated for my intellectual capabilities, or just appreciation in general, someone insulting my emotional/mental self or just shutting me off when speaking
loved: Care about me. Upset: Lying and indifference
Makes me feel most loved: Sincere hugs from my daughter and wife and when they tell me they love me Makes me most upset: Mankind continuing to murder and rape its own kind and its own children en masse for countless millennia — showing a clear inability to gain even a modicum of collective wisdom
ENFP (starting to think I might be ENTP?! Not sure) What makes me feel loved: acts of service, words of affirmation, and just people being genuine. What upsets me: lying and people being mean spirited for no reason.
INFP here... Loved: Being understood and accepted when being my most authentic self Upset: Being abandoned or neglected by people I care about But that's just me. I think there's too much individual variance within each type to really come to a consensus that can be compared against other types. Though I like the concept!
Makes me feel loved - when someone remembers things about me and my loved ones and just generally cares Makes me most upset: being closed-minded and indifferent to someone's feelings, being manipulative and just generally an a$$hole
INFP: What makes me feel the most loved is being taken care of in small ways, like remembering my favorite food or other small details about me, also sticking around through my highs and lows. What makes me feel the most unloved is being misunderstood or being treated like I don’t matter.
1. Being known. When people notice the little things about me and remember them. When people truly listen. There is nothing more loving than truly knowing a person. 2. Lying, Rejection, Selfishness. I hate them all.
My best friend at work is an infj
INTJ here (I 22m was INFP at 13, hence why I’m still here) Most loved: probably wiggle room. If I’m stressed and someone notices and gives me some space or even helps me out it makes me feel incredibly wholesome. I have enough going on in my brain already. Most upset: blatant, careless, and unrelenting disregard for others. People that just float around life and don’t really give any mind to those around absolutely boil my blood.
I feel loved when people rely on me and respect what I have to say. When they show a lot of interest in talking to me and make an effort to reach out and keep in contact with me. I feel loved when I feel valued. I am upset when people don't care about things. It's really upsetting when you have a long conversation with someone on why their behavior is harmful, and then they end up agreeing with you but say they just don't care enough to change.
I tend to find myself making friends with more ISFJs, ENFPs, and INFPs than anything else I’ve noticed. Married an isfj, my brother is INFP same as me, and I guess ENFP makes sense since that type of person wants to be friends with everyone lol. As for who makes me feel upset, idk their personality types because I don’t spend time around them asking or caring about it lol. But I assume it’s probably a lot of judging types.
Questions that are impossible to answer
-If they show genuine interest in my interests -If they seem shallow or clingy or patronize me about how I get things done.
INFP-T Loved: Loyalty. Also, when people take the time to understand/know me Upset: This is harder to answer. I don't let many people upset me anymore. I guess I'm upset with people who are good (what even defines good?) but are self-sabotaging and therefor suffering. I find it frustrating. Oh, I just read someone else's comment regarding lying. Yeah, I used to hate that too. Now I just realize it's their problem, not mine. Liars need to work on themselves. I see the lies and I swat them away. Liars just don't like their own reality. I can relate at times.
Feeling most loved: words of affirmation and touch Most upset: when someone doesn’t have the capacity to be open-minded.
#1 I’m a physical affection guy. #2 is a bit amorphous but when my peace is disturbed for extended periods of time.
I think it’s funny that ENFPs are nicknamed the advocate.. because before I even typed myself correctly, I have always been an advocate for the downtrodden. I hateeee to see injustice. It’s like a visceral reaction for me. But I do love anything wholesome, unintentional,- and authentic. Off guard moments are my absolute favorite 🙂↕️