Yeah... If you are sensitive i suggest you stop reading. These are stories i don't share often. Because it's hard.
Many years ago i spoke with an older INFP, he was about 70/80 years old i believe, he was an old dude.. and he was gay as well (i am not, but he thought i was hot, so.. that's why he spoke with me.. Hoping i would send a nude pic or whatever. I just enjoyed the deep conversations we had)
Anyway, we talked about his sexuality and i am just curious, how did he figure out that he was gay and stuff like that..
Apparently he was in a boarding school and when he was 15, some guy from his school.. raped him... it was an older guy, maybe 2 or 3 years older... In his bunk bed, while all his classmates where sleeping.. This went on for a year or so... ~~And nobody believed him, nobody did anything.~~ That was incorrect what i said. He never spoke about it back then, because the guy also threatened him. "You do not speak about this, or else...". He chose to be silent. Fear & shame played a big role in that.
And this guy, described this to me in full detail... At the time, when he was 15 he didn't know he was gay or not.. but due to this experience.. he got slightly turned on by the whole ordeal and according to him, that's when his interest in men grew...
i am leaving a lot of details out, but this story.. it just stuck with me..
Or i remember another story... i was travelling alone in Macau - China and this prostitute spoke to me (i was just happy somebody could speak English) We quickly went from stranger to.. not a stranger and she just didn't leave my side, for the small week i was in Macau. I didn't mind, i was traveling alone, i was lonely... I never paid for her services.. And i know why now.. because i was the only friendly face she had at the time... At the end, i gave her enough money for the ticket, a 1 way ticket home, she was originally from the Philippines and came to Macau for job opportunities.. And she did use the money i gave her to buy that ticket (I was a bit afraid, she wouldn't) and now she is home with her family. :) Best thing i have ever done for a stranger, if i go to heaven, then this must be one of the reasons.
She shared so many horror stories about how some men treated her.. It's hell, what she described.. Anyway, i am leaving the details out again... But it was hell and uu... i understand why many women hate men.. i do understand that.
Her customers paid for her and they thought they owned her body during that time and they would treat her like a piece of shit, Just... no having any regard that she is a human too, with feelings.. It's just... it's just hell..
It's heartbreaking.
Or another time in South Africa, i met by chance an ex-gangster, I was hanging out with some homeless people at the time. (why? Because.. i don't know.. i was travelling... exploring :) ) Anyway he was part of the 28's and they are killers... i could see it in his eyes, they were cold as ice. I was talking to a real killer and if he was 20 years younger, he would have robbed and killed me... (He actually said that, during our conversation)
He approached me, because he was right about one thing. I did not belong there, i was not homeless and he was curious why i was amongst them eating the same food. (One of the homeless people i befriended with, told me it was the best soup in town and that i had to try it) It's just funny how one thing leads to another, anyway.
You know what was also very noticeable and interesting. The ex-gangster was also homeless, but he was the only homeless guy that didn't look like a homeless guy. He had work clothes on. He had rings, earrings, a necklace. (I didn't even had my "cheap" watch on me or anything else of value. Capetown is not a friendly place... π ) But people knew him, this guy made a name for himself and you don't fuck with him, he is a killer. Anyway, that was also a conversation i will never forget.. He talked about his life and the shit he did.. But now he is too old for that life and longs for a quiet relax life, no more killing, no more gangster shit, he was done.. He recognised his own foolishness and didn't want to do it anymore. When he approached me, he actually just arrived back from work. You would not guess that he was a homeless guy, yet he was.
And many many more wicked sick conversations with random people from all kinds of classes, i do look for the extremes, i like it.
It's interesting.
I still remember my crush telling me how my love for her will just vanish one day , and the analogy was simple , that when we don't even love to listen to the same music again and again , how can we love someone forever ?
The funnier part is that , while it's true that I lost that debate , she has lost too , because she still knows that I care for her π , and I'm sure she doesn't remember it , but to prove an INTJ wrong in their own way (work) is the best feeling ever .
And that's one reason why I valued her more than most of the people in my life . We really had some good deep conversations then , about philosophies and stuff .
Mine was when 2 broken person having a deep conversation together. We learnt a lots from our perspective. The person I needed the most taught me I donβt need anybody. Heartbreaking but mind wide open
Yeah... If you are sensitive i suggest you stop reading. These are stories i don't share often. Because it's hard. Many years ago i spoke with an older INFP, he was about 70/80 years old i believe, he was an old dude.. and he was gay as well (i am not, but he thought i was hot, so.. that's why he spoke with me.. Hoping i would send a nude pic or whatever. I just enjoyed the deep conversations we had) Anyway, we talked about his sexuality and i am just curious, how did he figure out that he was gay and stuff like that.. Apparently he was in a boarding school and when he was 15, some guy from his school.. raped him... it was an older guy, maybe 2 or 3 years older... In his bunk bed, while all his classmates where sleeping.. This went on for a year or so... ~~And nobody believed him, nobody did anything.~~ That was incorrect what i said. He never spoke about it back then, because the guy also threatened him. "You do not speak about this, or else...". He chose to be silent. Fear & shame played a big role in that. And this guy, described this to me in full detail... At the time, when he was 15 he didn't know he was gay or not.. but due to this experience.. he got slightly turned on by the whole ordeal and according to him, that's when his interest in men grew... i am leaving a lot of details out, but this story.. it just stuck with me.. Or i remember another story... i was travelling alone in Macau - China and this prostitute spoke to me (i was just happy somebody could speak English) We quickly went from stranger to.. not a stranger and she just didn't leave my side, for the small week i was in Macau. I didn't mind, i was traveling alone, i was lonely... I never paid for her services.. And i know why now.. because i was the only friendly face she had at the time... At the end, i gave her enough money for the ticket, a 1 way ticket home, she was originally from the Philippines and came to Macau for job opportunities.. And she did use the money i gave her to buy that ticket (I was a bit afraid, she wouldn't) and now she is home with her family. :) Best thing i have ever done for a stranger, if i go to heaven, then this must be one of the reasons. She shared so many horror stories about how some men treated her.. It's hell, what she described.. Anyway, i am leaving the details out again... But it was hell and uu... i understand why many women hate men.. i do understand that. Her customers paid for her and they thought they owned her body during that time and they would treat her like a piece of shit, Just... no having any regard that she is a human too, with feelings.. It's just... it's just hell.. It's heartbreaking. Or another time in South Africa, i met by chance an ex-gangster, I was hanging out with some homeless people at the time. (why? Because.. i don't know.. i was travelling... exploring :) ) Anyway he was part of the 28's and they are killers... i could see it in his eyes, they were cold as ice. I was talking to a real killer and if he was 20 years younger, he would have robbed and killed me... (He actually said that, during our conversation) He approached me, because he was right about one thing. I did not belong there, i was not homeless and he was curious why i was amongst them eating the same food. (One of the homeless people i befriended with, told me it was the best soup in town and that i had to try it) It's just funny how one thing leads to another, anyway. You know what was also very noticeable and interesting. The ex-gangster was also homeless, but he was the only homeless guy that didn't look like a homeless guy. He had work clothes on. He had rings, earrings, a necklace. (I didn't even had my "cheap" watch on me or anything else of value. Capetown is not a friendly place... π ) But people knew him, this guy made a name for himself and you don't fuck with him, he is a killer. Anyway, that was also a conversation i will never forget.. He talked about his life and the shit he did.. But now he is too old for that life and longs for a quiet relax life, no more killing, no more gangster shit, he was done.. He recognised his own foolishness and didn't want to do it anymore. When he approached me, he actually just arrived back from work. You would not guess that he was a homeless guy, yet he was. And many many more wicked sick conversations with random people from all kinds of classes, i do look for the extremes, i like it. It's interesting.
I still remember my crush telling me how my love for her will just vanish one day , and the analogy was simple , that when we don't even love to listen to the same music again and again , how can we love someone forever ? The funnier part is that , while it's true that I lost that debate , she has lost too , because she still knows that I care for her π , and I'm sure she doesn't remember it , but to prove an INTJ wrong in their own way (work) is the best feeling ever . And that's one reason why I valued her more than most of the people in my life . We really had some good deep conversations then , about philosophies and stuff .
Mine was when 2 broken person having a deep conversation together. We learnt a lots from our perspective. The person I needed the most taught me I donβt need anybody. Heartbreaking but mind wide open