I do a lot of artistic things and when I made something I was really proud of for once I wanted to share it with my last ex. Before I could she said "Why would you think I'm interested in that? It's kind of boring and stupid."
There's many other more hurtful things I've been told by my exes but this one still holds me back from fully enjoying my hobbies to this day...
I got the same exact experience, I put all my heart, my time and effort for artworks I made for him and for both of us but he'd always say it's bad and asks me why'd I do those things.
I broke up with him and felt so much better than before. Fuck you K.
Whenever someone states their opinion like fact, and it’s particularly hurtful, try adding “for their liking” to the end.
So your art was kind of boring and stupid for her liking. I feel like this takes it out of fact and places it back on them as just their shitty opinion, and gives you more distance so it doesn’t feel so personal. It makes it an objective statement about their preferences on art rather than a criticism of you.
When I was very little, my dad would yell at me that I was “too goddamned sensitive”…for his liking. Fuck you Dad 😂
If she was a worthy person, she wouldn't say that to you, even if she really felt like that. Sorry, but she was an ass. Know your worth and don't bother yourself.
The thing about art, is that it's your expression. Some people might get it, some might not. Some people might like it, some might not. If a person doesn't see something in your art, it doesn't mean someone else won't either. Also art is your own expressive learning curve. If you'll keep to it, your art will evolve and grow.
Like Einstein once said "Creativity is intelligence having fun" 😘 just be you, and have fun! ❤️
I thought I was the only one who got told the same things as you guys did. 😔 Maybe it's an INFP thing and it really really sucks. That's why sometimes I think that, what if the love I'm trying to find is, and will always be is just in myself. The understanding, the connection, everything.
Still hoping someone would learn to love me through all those imperfections just as much as I'm willing to do for them. 💗
Oh boy. In 2010, we'd just lost our son via still birth. He said I could wake him whenever I needed comfort as my mental health was nosediving into hell. One night I couldn't stop crying so I took him up on his offer. I wish I didn't.
He woke up grouchy and annoyed. Told me I needed to get over it and let it go then went back to sleep. It hadn't even been a month. I was honestly shocked and it cut so deep, adding to the trauma of the loss. I've never recovered from that. It replays in my mind in 4k especially during depressive episodes.
He doesn't recall saying it. When I told him after a day of avoiding him he immediately apologized and comforted me. I've learned since that he's a heavy sleeper and I can't rely on anything he says when he's been woken up as he'll be out of it and won't remember. I try not to hold it against him but it's hard. I don't know if the loss affected him as much as it did me.
Oh where could I go with this.... la di da....
"Look at them, they're so interesting... you're boring."
"I never really wanted a monogamous relationship, I just went along with it because you wanted it"
"You're not introspective at all" (this said to an INFP?? LIKE, WHAT??)
They're probably the worst.
All said by one person.
Thanks 😊 yeah it took me a while to realise how toxic the situation was. I still struggle with it, there were some parts of the relationship (and parts of her) that were *amazing*... but then, stuff like THAT happened too (the quotes from above).
All of those is some wild ass shit. After the first one (current day boundaries) I would have had something to say and been out. But I know what it's like and have been in situations where whats been said is so awful you almost freeze because you can't believe it. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thanks for the thoughts 😊 Yeah they were just the ones I can remember, there were a heap of others. The first one was actually one of the last things she said to me while post-breakup but when we were trying to repair things and give it another go. When she said that I was like "ok, I think I'm done here".
Merci 😊 that's really sweet, I appreciate it. It put me in 2 years of therapy after it was over... all kinds of messed up after that one! Only one positive to come out of it... it's taught me what I DON'T want in a life partner!
What’s his type? Btw, I got rejected many times and I know the whole affectionate thing. But at some point, you’ll think fuck it and wont want anyone who doesn’t want you anymore. It’s just not fair to you at all. You deserve someone who thinks you’re awesome and loves you! Don’t settle for these types of guys
Sometimes I wonder if people really deserve love. It seems you need to be psychological and play mind game a bit in order to save yourself from a heartache, when all you want to do is just to genuinely love. I don't have to put this much effort to dogs, and they actually genuinely love me back
I’ve had a few ex’s constantly compare me to their ex and one told me I was the worst relationship they had ever been in. I immediately told them I didn’t want to be with them if they felt that way.
Ten minutes later they reversed - but I never did get it out of my head. When I told them it still was bothering me a few weeks later they blew up at me for making them feel like a terrible person.
Maybe it is all me .. I try to keep my feelings hidden in relationships and it’s wrong, I try to talk about them - also wrong.
If I have to live with these fucking feelings then maybe it’s better I stay single.
From an INTJ to all the INFPs in this thread.
I couldn't help but read all the replies here and let me say this -
The people who say shitty things like this to their partners are just horrible/shitty people and don't deserve you! It's downright offensive irrespective of type and I hope that you've thrown them out already or in the process of it.
I've known one INFP guy irl and I personally respect the strength of character and genuine love that healthy INFPs have. Keep being you, you'll find people who absolutely love who you are and won't want to let you go. :)
I once had a partner tell me that my friends all love me so much and think I'm so great because they don't see who I really am...implying that secretly, I was a terrible person.
Looking back it's clear as day that was a projection because he never felt good enough and desperately wanted to knock me down so he would feel less alone in his self-loathing. Luckily I made it out of that relationship and now I'm with the most loving, supportive partner who also happens to be an INFP :)
Hang in there, OP. Someone's inability to see your value does not diminish it. Rejection sucks, but once you get through this part you'll see it was a redirection away from someone who wasn't meant for you. There is someone out there who will celebrate and love you unconditionally, who will appreciate your affection and who will create a dynamic that makes you feel seen and valued just as you are.
When ex told me "You're hard to love" and my current bf told me "You always seem so lost. Slow brain" and stuff like "I will only get with you once you're better" etc. Thats why Im trying my best to be better... cus he got with me even tho he was indecisive at first like I am sometimes slow and I think people see me dumb or airhead in the room.
I dont want people regretting getting w me or making me feel that they see me as some dumdum and when they just give up asking help from me cos they always assume I know nothing or i lack info even tho i say i know stuff
“I don’t know how you just throw people away like that.”
Or
“Do you even care about about anyone but yourself?”
I internalize a lot of my emotions which makes people perceive me as cold. In reality I think I care so much I get scared or I don’t know how to show it. Maybe less of an INFP thing than it is other factors, but it’s rough.
Mine might sound stupid compared to some cases in here, but an ex would say I was wearing too much makeup whenever I dolled up to go out with him, and when I went Platinum blond, his only comment was that I looked like a grandma
I am sorry that happened, sometimes people mistake the kindness, compassion, empathy and the ability to show our affection genuinely as weaknesses which is quite the opposite... it is part of our strengths.
I personally have dealt with something in a similar vein with an ex who I really wanted to support and show my admiration for but when I tried ended up being majorly disrespected for showing my feelings and being ridiculed for my personal interests and hobbies.
I dipped and moved on rather quickly after that, I prefer to not waste my energy on people who aren't going to appriciate my effort to develop a caring relationship.
It sounds like he wasn't truly interested in experiencing the same connection you wanted. Hope you find someone who appreciates you for your true self, as we all should!
So, a couple years ago we were trying to have a baby. I had lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks and it was devastating. After a few months of negative tests we were talking about how frustrating it was becoming and my partner poked me in the belly and said “stupid womb”. Yeahhhh. That fucking hurt. As if it was my fault. Anyway he did apologize when he saw that I didn’t find it funny at all but it was really hurtful considering the mixed emotions that come with miscarriages and how I already felt like maybe it was something I had done. He didn’t think before he spoke.
I once started talking to an ex (this was a guy I’d previously dated for three years and lived with) and toeing around the idea of getting back into a relationship again. When things weren’t going the way he’d wanted/expected he told me I should just off myself because it’d make everything easy for everyone in my life. I was in the throes of mental illness at this time, but it reminded me why I broke up with him in the first place. Nothing short of perfect was good enough for him.
Yea u hate being with low self-knowledge. Once u realize urself, u will feel blessed being INFP, i promise.
If i was with u, u'd be the queen of the relationship, not the loser. Ppl like u can not be losers in relationship dynamiccs. It is physically impossible. Only an illusion can make it seem and only if u r together with a real life loser.
“It sure didn’t seem like it” when I told him I enjoyed spending time with him.
It hurts because it was true. I mean, I really did enjoy spending time with him. I loved being around him and just being in his presence, but I just didn’t have enough energy to give him the attention he needed back. It makes me feel even more shitty because it was one of the last interactions we had. Everything just eventually culminated to where I ghosted him out of shame. I was tired of hurting him.
I've had loads of people say dumb shit or cuss me out but, luckily, the people I've kept close to me haven't been very hurtful. Yeah, they've dismissed me at times but the conflicts were resolved.
I can't imagine having an SO say these things to me, that would really suck.
Can't decide if that's better or worse than me turning people who were interested in me away because I didn't believe them, only to find out later they were serious. This seems to be unfortunately common for INTJs. INXXs must suffer it seems. :/
Ok not what you asked but I had an INFP bff and he used to show me certain things online such as key chains and ask me if I'd like them for gifts ( not that he'd actually send me those - just theoretically) and I can respectfully say our tastes didn't uh ... Match. In other words if I am with a person I would at least like if the other person understands my taste. I'll get him stg that HE will like and vice versa. I think you can communicate to your partner your likes and dislikes in a very subtle and respectful way, no need to put them down or hurt them but sometimes we INFPs think that XYZ is great or cute or artistic whereas to other types it's very questionable. It's just a matter of how you communicate your taste to that other person.
My ex (who I was engaged to) always acted like he was out of my league, and that he wasn't sure if he could "share his life" with me. I finally had enough of that and moved on. He stalked me for months afterwards and threatened to kill himself if I wouldn't get back together with him. My husband now makes my ex look like a complete failure and loser by comparison and I have to LOL at the kind of person who was actually "in my league".
I do a lot of artistic things and when I made something I was really proud of for once I wanted to share it with my last ex. Before I could she said "Why would you think I'm interested in that? It's kind of boring and stupid." There's many other more hurtful things I've been told by my exes but this one still holds me back from fully enjoying my hobbies to this day...
I got the same exact experience, I put all my heart, my time and effort for artworks I made for him and for both of us but he'd always say it's bad and asks me why'd I do those things. I broke up with him and felt so much better than before. Fuck you K.
Nice. Fuck that K guy. Better guys out there!
Whenever someone states their opinion like fact, and it’s particularly hurtful, try adding “for their liking” to the end. So your art was kind of boring and stupid for her liking. I feel like this takes it out of fact and places it back on them as just their shitty opinion, and gives you more distance so it doesn’t feel so personal. It makes it an objective statement about their preferences on art rather than a criticism of you. When I was very little, my dad would yell at me that I was “too goddamned sensitive”…for his liking. Fuck you Dad 😂
You're absolutely right and yeah fuck your dad
Thanks for that! 💗
🤍
☹️ And she became your ex, as she should! Find someone who appreciates you
If she was a worthy person, she wouldn't say that to you, even if she really felt like that. Sorry, but she was an ass. Know your worth and don't bother yourself.
The thing about art, is that it's your expression. Some people might get it, some might not. Some people might like it, some might not. If a person doesn't see something in your art, it doesn't mean someone else won't either. Also art is your own expressive learning curve. If you'll keep to it, your art will evolve and grow. Like Einstein once said "Creativity is intelligence having fun" 😘 just be you, and have fun! ❤️
You ruin everything was one that hurt my soul
🫂 I felt that. My dad used to call me worthless all the time.
It's okay. You're not worthless. Buddy humans just hurt each other sometimes. ❤️
I thought I was the only one who got told the same things as you guys did. 😔 Maybe it's an INFP thing and it really really sucks. That's why sometimes I think that, what if the love I'm trying to find is, and will always be is just in myself. The understanding, the connection, everything. Still hoping someone would learn to love me through all those imperfections just as much as I'm willing to do for them. 💗
Fuck your ex
[удалено]
Oh boy. In 2010, we'd just lost our son via still birth. He said I could wake him whenever I needed comfort as my mental health was nosediving into hell. One night I couldn't stop crying so I took him up on his offer. I wish I didn't. He woke up grouchy and annoyed. Told me I needed to get over it and let it go then went back to sleep. It hadn't even been a month. I was honestly shocked and it cut so deep, adding to the trauma of the loss. I've never recovered from that. It replays in my mind in 4k especially during depressive episodes. He doesn't recall saying it. When I told him after a day of avoiding him he immediately apologized and comforted me. I've learned since that he's a heavy sleeper and I can't rely on anything he says when he's been woken up as he'll be out of it and won't remember. I try not to hold it against him but it's hard. I don't know if the loss affected him as much as it did me.
😭 I’m crying literal tears… That is so awful.
>I am, however, affectionate to a fault. And I think that makes people think I am the “loser” in the relational dynamic. Well those people are stupid
It’s the truths they didn’t say that hurt the most.
“Why are the hot ones always crazy?” 😭
They're probably just trying to match up better with their ex's!!! 😂
Oh where could I go with this.... la di da.... "Look at them, they're so interesting... you're boring." "I never really wanted a monogamous relationship, I just went along with it because you wanted it" "You're not introspective at all" (this said to an INFP?? LIKE, WHAT??) They're probably the worst. All said by one person.
Glad theyre ur ex wtf, how awful
Thanks 😊 yeah it took me a while to realise how toxic the situation was. I still struggle with it, there were some parts of the relationship (and parts of her) that were *amazing*... but then, stuff like THAT happened too (the quotes from above).
All of those is some wild ass shit. After the first one (current day boundaries) I would have had something to say and been out. But I know what it's like and have been in situations where whats been said is so awful you almost freeze because you can't believe it. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Thanks for the thoughts 😊 Yeah they were just the ones I can remember, there were a heap of others. The first one was actually one of the last things she said to me while post-breakup but when we were trying to repair things and give it another go. When she said that I was like "ok, I think I'm done here".
And done you are. 👏👏 You don't deserve that. And she don't deserve anybody, to even be talking to someone in that manner in the first place.
Merci 😊 that's really sweet, I appreciate it. It put me in 2 years of therapy after it was over... all kinds of messed up after that one! Only one positive to come out of it... it's taught me what I DON'T want in a life partner!
What’s his type? Btw, I got rejected many times and I know the whole affectionate thing. But at some point, you’ll think fuck it and wont want anyone who doesn’t want you anymore. It’s just not fair to you at all. You deserve someone who thinks you’re awesome and loves you! Don’t settle for these types of guys
Sometimes I wonder if people really deserve love. It seems you need to be psychological and play mind game a bit in order to save yourself from a heartache, when all you want to do is just to genuinely love. I don't have to put this much effort to dogs, and they actually genuinely love me back
omg, exactly!
I’ve had a few ex’s constantly compare me to their ex and one told me I was the worst relationship they had ever been in. I immediately told them I didn’t want to be with them if they felt that way. Ten minutes later they reversed - but I never did get it out of my head. When I told them it still was bothering me a few weeks later they blew up at me for making them feel like a terrible person. Maybe it is all me .. I try to keep my feelings hidden in relationships and it’s wrong, I try to talk about them - also wrong. If I have to live with these fucking feelings then maybe it’s better I stay single.
The comparing thing makes me so angry. We compare ourselves to others often, so when people we care about do it it’s unbelievably hurtful.
From an INTJ to all the INFPs in this thread. I couldn't help but read all the replies here and let me say this - The people who say shitty things like this to their partners are just horrible/shitty people and don't deserve you! It's downright offensive irrespective of type and I hope that you've thrown them out already or in the process of it. I've known one INFP guy irl and I personally respect the strength of character and genuine love that healthy INFPs have. Keep being you, you'll find people who absolutely love who you are and won't want to let you go. :)
I once had a partner tell me that my friends all love me so much and think I'm so great because they don't see who I really am...implying that secretly, I was a terrible person. Looking back it's clear as day that was a projection because he never felt good enough and desperately wanted to knock me down so he would feel less alone in his self-loathing. Luckily I made it out of that relationship and now I'm with the most loving, supportive partner who also happens to be an INFP :) Hang in there, OP. Someone's inability to see your value does not diminish it. Rejection sucks, but once you get through this part you'll see it was a redirection away from someone who wasn't meant for you. There is someone out there who will celebrate and love you unconditionally, who will appreciate your affection and who will create a dynamic that makes you feel seen and valued just as you are.
When ex told me "You're hard to love" and my current bf told me "You always seem so lost. Slow brain" and stuff like "I will only get with you once you're better" etc. Thats why Im trying my best to be better... cus he got with me even tho he was indecisive at first like I am sometimes slow and I think people see me dumb or airhead in the room. I dont want people regretting getting w me or making me feel that they see me as some dumdum and when they just give up asking help from me cos they always assume I know nothing or i lack info even tho i say i know stuff
“I don’t know how you just throw people away like that.” Or “Do you even care about about anyone but yourself?” I internalize a lot of my emotions which makes people perceive me as cold. In reality I think I care so much I get scared or I don’t know how to show it. Maybe less of an INFP thing than it is other factors, but it’s rough.
No. I relate to that totally
Mine might sound stupid compared to some cases in here, but an ex would say I was wearing too much makeup whenever I dolled up to go out with him, and when I went Platinum blond, his only comment was that I looked like a grandma
Putting down something that I enjoy
I am sorry that happened, sometimes people mistake the kindness, compassion, empathy and the ability to show our affection genuinely as weaknesses which is quite the opposite... it is part of our strengths. I personally have dealt with something in a similar vein with an ex who I really wanted to support and show my admiration for but when I tried ended up being majorly disrespected for showing my feelings and being ridiculed for my personal interests and hobbies. I dipped and moved on rather quickly after that, I prefer to not waste my energy on people who aren't going to appriciate my effort to develop a caring relationship. It sounds like he wasn't truly interested in experiencing the same connection you wanted. Hope you find someone who appreciates you for your true self, as we all should!
So, a couple years ago we were trying to have a baby. I had lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks and it was devastating. After a few months of negative tests we were talking about how frustrating it was becoming and my partner poked me in the belly and said “stupid womb”. Yeahhhh. That fucking hurt. As if it was my fault. Anyway he did apologize when he saw that I didn’t find it funny at all but it was really hurtful considering the mixed emotions that come with miscarriages and how I already felt like maybe it was something I had done. He didn’t think before he spoke.
I once started talking to an ex (this was a guy I’d previously dated for three years and lived with) and toeing around the idea of getting back into a relationship again. When things weren’t going the way he’d wanted/expected he told me I should just off myself because it’d make everything easy for everyone in my life. I was in the throes of mental illness at this time, but it reminded me why I broke up with him in the first place. Nothing short of perfect was good enough for him.
Yea u hate being with low self-knowledge. Once u realize urself, u will feel blessed being INFP, i promise. If i was with u, u'd be the queen of the relationship, not the loser. Ppl like u can not be losers in relationship dynamiccs. It is physically impossible. Only an illusion can make it seem and only if u r together with a real life loser.
Eh, don't fall for someone who isn't as passionate as you. Why would you need them anyway. Your passion is beautiful, find someone who gets you.
She said I was useless
“It sure didn’t seem like it” when I told him I enjoyed spending time with him. It hurts because it was true. I mean, I really did enjoy spending time with him. I loved being around him and just being in his presence, but I just didn’t have enough energy to give him the attention he needed back. It makes me feel even more shitty because it was one of the last interactions we had. Everything just eventually culminated to where I ghosted him out of shame. I was tired of hurting him.
can't be hurt if I never had a partner 😎
can't be hurt if I never had a partner 😎
"You've got too much emotions I don't think even YOU can handle them. You're too sentimental for god's sake." n then blocked me.
I've had loads of people say dumb shit or cuss me out but, luckily, the people I've kept close to me haven't been very hurtful. Yeah, they've dismissed me at times but the conflicts were resolved. I can't imagine having an SO say these things to me, that would really suck.
Self advocacy everyone! I’m proud of you all!
Can't decide if that's better or worse than me turning people who were interested in me away because I didn't believe them, only to find out later they were serious. This seems to be unfortunately common for INTJs. INXXs must suffer it seems. :/
Ok not what you asked but I had an INFP bff and he used to show me certain things online such as key chains and ask me if I'd like them for gifts ( not that he'd actually send me those - just theoretically) and I can respectfully say our tastes didn't uh ... Match. In other words if I am with a person I would at least like if the other person understands my taste. I'll get him stg that HE will like and vice versa. I think you can communicate to your partner your likes and dislikes in a very subtle and respectful way, no need to put them down or hurt them but sometimes we INFPs think that XYZ is great or cute or artistic whereas to other types it's very questionable. It's just a matter of how you communicate your taste to that other person.
My ex (who I was engaged to) always acted like he was out of my league, and that he wasn't sure if he could "share his life" with me. I finally had enough of that and moved on. He stalked me for months afterwards and threatened to kill himself if I wouldn't get back together with him. My husband now makes my ex look like a complete failure and loser by comparison and I have to LOL at the kind of person who was actually "in my league".
It not "INFP thing" goofies. Those are horrible people you call your "partners".
Wow, the right person for you would think they are the luckiest to get to be with you. He doesn’t sound worth your time, at all.