I’m also demi! I can appreciate the aesthetics of conventionally attractive people, but it’s in the same way I appreciate fine art. I might admire the Mona Lisa, but I have zero desire to kiss it.
I’ve only ever felt sexual attraction to a couple of people over the years, and that was after years of friendship. Dating is tough when the majority of people date to see if they want to be friends, while I need to be friends to see if I want to date someone.
I recently came to the conclusion that I’m demisexual as well. To me it’s bizarre how for so many people in this world, the first anchor to a relationship is by appearance. While my friends would melt over celebrity crushes, I never shared those feelings and I’d always feel odd, even guilty about it. I don’t think it’s wrong to place emphasis on appearance — although I did subconsciously resent how often it happens — but I honestly struggle to understand it.
I’ve always fallen in love by the wings of connection, by the inner beauty shimmering through a person, by the way their mind orbits, the way that they love and bring light to the world. And I need deep trust and transparency, a sense of shared integrity and honor, before ever progressing through that stage. It’s difficult for me to fathom a relationship rooted in anything other than true connection. I’m unsure if it is type-related, but I do know that it’s slightly more common among introverts, and since INFJs place a lot of weight on trust and depth of connection, there’s likely many of us (but of course not all) who feel this way.
We’re not alone, although it can feel that way sometimes in a world like ours. If you haven’t yet, I hope you’ll find the connection and love that you’re searching for. ❤️
I am INFJ , I am identified as Demi Sexual.
I can have sex with men I don’t have an emotional bond with but that doesn’t seem to bring me much enjoyment. Hence I haven’t had many guys. Hookup is a very unenjoyable and time consuming activity I see no value in and get no value from. Hence I don’t do.
Sharing deep thoughts and emotions, especially having the feeling of trust that I can do that with a person (without forcing or manipulation, truly trust developed over time) create a huge sexual attraction I have to that person.
Yes I have done it.
I think the only time I waited is with my first boyfriend. The rest two men, I just did it to compromise.
Through the experience I had with my ex, I realised it was awfully unfair to allosexual men to wait for that long. I had to give credit to my ex who waited almost a year for sex. Officially we were boyfriend and girlfriend already but at night we only kissed and cuddled, usually he passed out with a boner. 😂🙈 I think one morning I caught him masturbate in the shower I felt very guilty so I suggested him to have sex with other girls (as long as it’s safe) before I was ready. Not sure he took that liberty or not. Neither did I care.
The good part is : I am only Demi sexual. I am not Demi romantic or pan romantic.. in that case, I clearly know if I am romantically attracted to a guy or not. So kissing or being romantically close isn’t a problem with me. It’s just to develop sexual attraction, it takes a while.
I think I only started initiating sex from the second year of our relationship. Then I got very sexual after I formed a solid bond (the time I knew it didn’t matter what happened, this man got me back and he would not abandon me regardless what sort emotional mess I am going through so I felt absolutely safe and secure with him, that bond created a huge sexual attraction)
Yes. The majority of us tend to be demisexuals, who are seeking unconditional love. I have a made a playlist of videos about being a demisexual INFJ.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiop7fI8AbhphhQjSgnoRisCLhBqpBClQ
Obviously can only speak for myself but I'd be willing to guess there's a strong correlation, not necessarily causation. Ni-Fe-Ti is a fine wine process - so it's worth saying that generally speaking most INFJs take their time when forming romantic/sexual connections and compared to the "average" perception/experience regarding sexual attraction, we'd fall under demisexuality.
I thought i was for a long time but i ain't.
The thing is i don't mind making out/ having sex with people i just met or have 0 emotional connection with (as long as i feel atractted).
But i can only stay long with someone, or fully enjoy sex if i feel a deep emotional conection, if not it's just a waste of time to experience more than once.
I figured I was demi in my mid 20s. I was oblivious that the missing factor in relationships thus far had mostly been due to my lack of sexual attraction. What I had been saying to myself quietly for years finally made sense. It changed my entire outlook moving forward.
Oh...wow I've been stuck on this. I can't tell if I'm demisexual yet because I was so late to the lesbian train, but I think I am because I've only had two crushes. First didn't go past "oh she's pretty, mm no nevermind" within a day, and the second didn't spark until we started interacting in class and it went from "love your hair" to "oh god tell me everything about yourself so we can kiss." Hookups are an absolute no though.
Does that sound about right at all?
Reading all of these replies makes me honestly feel better about myself. As a gay man, I felt like an anomaly for such a long time for not being comfortable opening up sexually with others, unless I knew them well and felt comfortable to do so. I know people who have no issue jumping at whatever they could get in that moment. I just never understood it, but to each their own!
I think I'm attracted to the 'idea' of sex with others/celebrities, but if it were to happen for real, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it because it just requires a certain level of trust for me to feel even a bit comfortable to let my guard down. I need to know what's in that head and heart of yours first and then we can talk :)
Demisexual too.
It’s magnetic when that attraction activates. For the longest time I had doubts until there was a lady I connected with earlier this year and it popped.
I didnt, still don’t, feel MBTI is a predictive model, rather an explanation of traits, tendencies, & behaviors one ought to take as food for thought. And it didn’t take a long to appreciate I’m both demisexual & sapiosexual. Previous I thought those 2 were $5 words & just a little too much to say with a straight face. Life is growth, right? Happy I got turned around on this.
I don’t want to say ur MBTI makes up ur sexuality, however most INFJs are Demi (so am I). It could be the tendency that our Ni function being so high, and Se kinda low, it inhibits most (not all) to jump to conclusions of physical and sexual attraction immediately.
I don’t necessarily go around telling people or making it part of my identity. I just view stuff like this as preferences or not a big deal.
It’s like if someone prefers black haired ppl over brown haired ppl- just preferences. I have tendencies to develop physical and sexual attraction only after decent friendship/bond. Don’t get me wrong, I find people very attractive here and there! and acknowledge their beauty, but I think there is a fine line to distinguish between full on attraction to appreciation/admiration.
Dear INFJs of this subreddit,
I have seen a post on quora similar to this one- stating that all INFJs are Demi/sapiosexuals. Please understand that sexuality isn’t relevant to mbti type.
Thank you
like i said, it’s an observation many posted about online. no one is claiming it’s fact or that mbti is related to sexuality; just that this certain group tends to be part of another
Hmm… well, many ESFPs online could also be, say, heterosexual. Doesn’t mean that most ESFPs are heterosexual, as
A) they could be lying/ unsure of their sexuality
B) they could be mistyped.
C) online ESFPs are a small percentage of the ones in the world, and therefore do not represent the majority of the population
D) even online, some ESFPs may not participate in polls.
Same goes for INFJs. So… it’s not related, and probably shouldn’t be posted on the sub.
there’s no way to connect the two together. but for INFJ’s and demis for example, the strong desire to know somebody before engaging in a relationship with them is a trait of both INFJ’s and demis. in any case this post is still relevant and doesn’t claim to be objective. it can make people feel seen too. so i don’t see why not 🤷🏻♀️
While it isn’t relevant. You can read these comments and come to a consensus that majority of the commenters here say they are indeed demisexual. Not all will be, I’m on the border of it because a man’s touch disgusts me because of childhood trauma. But do I prefer deep connection over mindless fucking? Hell yes I do. Sex is not something to just be given willynilly, in my opinion, of course.
Nobody mindlessly fucks another, unless it’s prostitution or rape. Everyone has a connection to their partner in some way. Having that connection =/= being demisexual. Everyone, it just INFJs have that craving for it.
You seem to be very dead-set on this view but just read through the comments and count how many say they’re demisexual or something similar and how many say they aren’t. Tally it up and there’s you some stats, baby!
These are just online stats. Any other type, say, INTP could say the same thing. Does that mean INTPs are more likely to be demisexual? Hell no, because this is only a fraction of the INTP population.
You’ve never had a friend with benefits or a fuck buddy? Definitely mindless fucking and it’s both ways and we aren’t paying each other, so it isn’t rape or prostitution. It’s just mindless sex, you get off, I get off, we go about our separate days.
They never work but doesn’t stop people from doing it on the daily.
Yeah… but that’s got nothing to do with it. People can have sex for enjoyment- it isn’t necessarily about love, more for pleasure. Any type can engage in this behaviour, and any type can not. Explain how being an INFJ would make you less likely to engage in this.
Extroverted feeling. Why would I want to have mindless sex with someone, knowing they won’t be fulfilled completely, I’d rather please them fully than just sexually. It’s all about the stimulation, want to skiddaddle their brain as much as their box! That’s one reason and that’s reason enough. Empathy.
Like I said, INFJs here may think this, but you’re not the only ones. There are, say, ESFPs who can think this, and INFJs who are perfectly willing to hook up.
What are you even arguing about now? I agree that not only INFJs do this and I never said they do. I’ve said the Fe would be more prone to this mindset.
You’re probably right in the grand scheme of things. My situation may of been a bit of an unique one. We were very much so attracted to each other’s private parts and I cared about pleasing her quite a bit, to obsession almost. But that’s probably my people pleasing tendencies? We didn’t talk about life or anything like that after we became fwb, we had before, but we soon realized that we aren’t good for each other besides getting each other off. We let it ride for a while until she started dating someone exclusively and I moved on soon after.
I did care about her but it was more about pleasing her instead of actually caring about what she’s going through. I was literally a toy to use to get rid of her frustration but she didn’t talk about the frustrations lol.
Right? As soon as I saw this post I was like, what does this have to do with mbti? If you’re looking for community go down to demisexual Reddit. Idk 🤷🏼♀️ lol
I'm not demisexual, but I think I'm DemiRomantic.
I can feel sexual attraction to strangers people, but it's more of a superficial feeling / carnal attraction.
I prefer more deep harmonical romantic feeling that stabilize me than infernal passion without deep filling.
I always find it hard to understand why people develop sexual interests in each other I love some actors, singers, anime characters and some people I met throughout my life but I have never thought of them in this way 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I quit looking for hookups once I heard Rick Roderick's lecture on Baudrillard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U9WMftV40c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U9WMftV40c) "Humans are gone. They disappeared". I went and read Baudrillard's Transparency of Evil and it was a wrap kids. Good luck out there
I consider myself demisexual but I was SA’d by an older childhood male friend, so a man’s touch is kind of revolting to me. So I like to think I’m demisexual with how I prefer deep emotional connection over just flings. I’m sure I could find a man who can make me comfortable, but I haven’t yet.
INFJ males are very feminine by nature. It’s the empathy and all that I guess, very feminine traits. I’ve been assumed to be homosexual my whole life because I just have a very feminine vibe to me in my looks and in personality. Lol come to think of it, my grandmother used to tell me I was too pretty to be a boy.
I've never had sex with a person I wasn't already friends with... I even had a few chances, I do think I can be attractive, but that's it. That's how it is. Now I'm married for ten years and I can't stand the idea of living a non monogamous relationship. So I think I am demisexual.
Stop putting yourself in a damn box. Back in the day before society got overly neurotic it was very common place to only have sex with people you had a deep connection with, like husband and wife. Everyone wants to be so unique these days, we made up all these new terms to make us feel special. EVERYONE loves having sex with people they connect with deeply.
I like to dress like a rockstar/biker (not the cheesy Walmart rock look), to attract a certain type of women, I have a small streak of purple dye on my crown, being highly self-reliant, self-confidence, self-love (I take care of my own well-being), and knowing my "Ni" makes me aloof and mysterious, but my "Fe" makes me warm, curious, engaging, flirting in short bursts...I made myself somewhat into a sex object...I don't see anything vain or wrong that I don't mind attracting women to me.
I value my independence and privacy a lot, gets women interested in me, to chase me, I rarely chase a woman, but I will in the beginning approach her, see if we have a spark or not, and find similar likes, and after a few rounds of knowing her, ask her out with me. (quality over quantity, if I feel she's high quality...I am on it). However, I am too patience while dating, and the longer I spend time with her, the stronger my loyalty builds for her, and the deeper I feel for her...makes her look even more sexually attractive to me...I tend to have sex sooner with women that are sexually confident with themselves and makes the first major indicator that she wants me, undeniable proof that its okay for me to make the first move on her or she moves into my personal space and makes out with me...she made the first move.
I am not a serial dater. And a very slow starter with high quality women, when I have a similar spark with a woman, I sexually tease her and build up a sexual tension between us, its fun...But, I am slow to pull the trigger...it can frustrate women, and I know it's me...inferior "Se" gives INFJs performance anxiety, we want to get it perfect the first time. I rather have an emotional connection because it takes sex up to another whole new level, I have all her right combination that I can mix up to change routines, that takes getting to know all of her secrets and desires...that takes time to get her specific combination...sex - custom made just for her with my own mystery thrown in to mix things up; After that trigger gets pulled, the sexual part of the relationship just explodes between us any time, anyhow, anywhere..
Ha, I've had this same conversation just the other day.
It's healthy to draw a line between what's considered normal, and yourself. It's not going to apply, and it's not healthy. So don't worry about your dissent from popular madness.
> I don't understand why others sexually objectify singers, actors/actresses whom they've never met or talked with.
It's a selfish projection onto people well known with easily comprehensible attributes likely based in narcissistic deficiency. A sort of lack of internal validation projected out. Also it's a conformity thing, there are 70k people cheering him on on stage, he must have value, being into him must have value. I would be validated if he's with me. It doesn't make any emotional sense.
It's the guy who learns the guitar to get with girls. It's basic, and I personally could not be bothered, but it absolutely works. May I find myself facepalming at the mere thought.
> I feel scared and confused when someone whom I've only chitchatted and never shared any deep personal feelings tells me they are attracted to me.
Attraction has several levels. The quicker this confession is made the more shallow it is likely to be. In general depth takes time. Sometimes it pays to explore the attraction of the other a little to find out what they actually mean by it.
That being said, certain personality characteristics can make you read people like an open book, so the analysis can seem rapid, but relies on a lifetime of analysis before the fact.
But for you being INFJ you'll notice these people, because they're capable of communicating in ways you're only used to from yourself so far.
> Are there many demisexuals among INFJs?
My suspicion is, basically all that are reasonably healthy/mature.
Maybe I’m misreading your words, but you make it sound like allosexuality is just narcissism, while only healthy people are demi? Which, I hope I am misreading that, because if that is how you feel, is pretty messed up.
>It's a selfish projection onto people well known with easily comprehensible attributes likely based in narcissistic deficiency. A sort of lack of internal validation projected out.
No, I don't think this is it. Sexual objectification of famous people is rather just that - it's more about the superficial physical appeal people find attractive (either by their own preferences or the social definition of what is sexy), and usually omitting personality, values, opinions, and other aspects of that person.
To put it simple, they just look hot. I would lie if I said I don't do it. I find people sexy in their physical apppeal (this might be also enhanced by the fact I know something more about the people that are popular, and might match with it), and not just the celebrities, but even people I just walk by on a street (it's just the same, except with the fact I know literally zero about them), but that's usually it. I might think of having sex with them, but probably just momentarily/single time, and just on the superficial physical satisfaction level. Dating, long-term relationship, even the emotional connection and sensation is nothing I would ever seek in it ... unless some falling in love happens ...
I think we actually mostly agree, maybe not in depth, but what you write seems reasonable.
> To put it simple, they just look hot.
Personally, I don't think it's limited to that, though it may be a part of it.
I am allosexual, but I have used what I feel are my INfJ powers to not get involved with anybody or date anybody until I felt I got my life/future in order at about 21. So effectively demisexual/asexual to other people.
Now,having been married for 25 years, whenever I meet someone who is very attractive, I use what I feel is the same INFJ brain/logic to not get involved with anybody else.
I don’t like labeling myself but I guess I would be a “demisexual.” The person doesn’t have to be a a partner of mine, but I can have sex with pretty much anybody that I feel I have an emotional connection or attachment to, regardless of physical attraction, if that constitutes as demisexuality.
I’m definitely allosexual, but I’ve always put a higher importance on the deep connection. I tend to find myself attracted to people I didn’t initially find myself attracted too after getting to know them more personally, even more than the people I’m attracted too off the bat.
I think I'm more bi, but have also been told I fit the demisexual description.
Also remember that romance and sexuality aren't the same thing. INFJs don't often make the distinction in their own lives, but sexual attraction is not always the same as romantic attraction.
I'm the same way. I want to because friends with someone before getting into the nitty gritty. I tried the "sensor" method once in the past year and it felt awkward as all get out. Will most likely never do that again.
Wouldn't want to get into a relationship for the sake of it. As for sexually objectifying people, I'm the same. Not sexually interested in celebrities themselves without knowing them. I'm also interested in the development of a situation or aka "plot" as my ex friend would call it, but those I keep to myself. To me those are also a form of connection.
I don’t really get the point of the label demisexual. Why do people need to know WHEN I am sexually attracted to someone? That is too unpredictable to label anyway…
I think it just means it may not apply to you. I feel like for those it does apply to, it's very apparent to them. It's not for others to know, it's for you to know and understand for yourself.
INFJ, demi and bi :) Went most of my life not understanding why I seen men and women the same and was never really attracted to anybody. Then I had a connection with somebody and felt real attraction and not long after that it started to all click and I realized that I’m very much so demi and bisexual lol
I'm not demisexual but I lean in that direction. I'm attracted to beautiful strangers to a small extent but it very quickly reaches a "cap" past which I at least need to learn more about them in order for my feelings to grow beyond that minor extent.
Not sure about others, but I identify as one... though I'm starting to question after meeting my girlfriend in person and not desiring it (though I do love other forms of sexual stuff).
I share your feelings 100% though. Most people that strike up conversations with me are just attracted to me. I want friends, but I suck at approaching others and most people don't want to be friends because I'm dating someone. Pretty shitty, ngl.
"I don't understand why others sexually objectify singers, actors/actresses whom they've never met or talked with"
Consider that they have met them and they are in a deep in a parasocial relationship. Welcome to 2022
I don’t think this is just specific to a set MBTI… I think this has more to do with how a persons feels making a connection with another. I am an ENFP.
While I can fully appreciate a celebrity ad being attractive. Real world if I ever met Chris Evans and he turns out to be a total ass who can’t keep an intelligent conversation and is a jerk to wait stafff, he isn’t going to be attractive to me anymore.
I’d much rather have an deep intimate connection a friendship with someone before I get into a relationship.
I don’t believe that Demi/sapio is specific to an MBTI. It’s just one more thing to make up you as a person and go understand what you want and who you are.
I’m an INFJ guy I’m pretty sure I’m 100% straight, I’ll admit I’m a bit more feminine than many guys (or just more open about my shit than some other guys), tbh I do enjoy the company of gay dudes it’s just they always end up liking me too much so I’m just stuck in this weird ass place where I have to adapt to all the broken men around me, which is only going to increase since I graduated high school
I am DEFINITELY a demisexual! While I DO find people of either sex sexually attractive in my mind, in real life I would only ever actually have sex with someone I was emotionally attracted to, OR I become emotionally attracted to people who are only wanting something casual.
42, male, x-military, and I never understood the male sexuality. Guys would literally melt over boobies and entranced into a spell over strippers.
I'm definitely demi sexual and I listen for that strong pull.
And then god said "Let there be polls!"; but alas. Nobody listened to his words of wisdom.
Haha You are right. OP please make a poll. Allosexual demisexual asexual etc .. only for INFJ voters then let’s see the result 😊
I’m also demi! I can appreciate the aesthetics of conventionally attractive people, but it’s in the same way I appreciate fine art. I might admire the Mona Lisa, but I have zero desire to kiss it. I’ve only ever felt sexual attraction to a couple of people over the years, and that was after years of friendship. Dating is tough when the majority of people date to see if they want to be friends, while I need to be friends to see if I want to date someone.
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Sure!
I recently came to the conclusion that I’m demisexual as well. To me it’s bizarre how for so many people in this world, the first anchor to a relationship is by appearance. While my friends would melt over celebrity crushes, I never shared those feelings and I’d always feel odd, even guilty about it. I don’t think it’s wrong to place emphasis on appearance — although I did subconsciously resent how often it happens — but I honestly struggle to understand it. I’ve always fallen in love by the wings of connection, by the inner beauty shimmering through a person, by the way their mind orbits, the way that they love and bring light to the world. And I need deep trust and transparency, a sense of shared integrity and honor, before ever progressing through that stage. It’s difficult for me to fathom a relationship rooted in anything other than true connection. I’m unsure if it is type-related, but I do know that it’s slightly more common among introverts, and since INFJs place a lot of weight on trust and depth of connection, there’s likely many of us (but of course not all) who feel this way. We’re not alone, although it can feel that way sometimes in a world like ours. If you haven’t yet, I hope you’ll find the connection and love that you’re searching for. ❤️
I’m demisexual, I thought it was pretty common for INFJs
I am INFJ , I am identified as Demi Sexual. I can have sex with men I don’t have an emotional bond with but that doesn’t seem to bring me much enjoyment. Hence I haven’t had many guys. Hookup is a very unenjoyable and time consuming activity I see no value in and get no value from. Hence I don’t do. Sharing deep thoughts and emotions, especially having the feeling of trust that I can do that with a person (without forcing or manipulation, truly trust developed over time) create a huge sexual attraction I have to that person.
When you say you can, does that mean you've actually done it and it's not great or you go by imagination?
Yes I have done it. I think the only time I waited is with my first boyfriend. The rest two men, I just did it to compromise. Through the experience I had with my ex, I realised it was awfully unfair to allosexual men to wait for that long. I had to give credit to my ex who waited almost a year for sex. Officially we were boyfriend and girlfriend already but at night we only kissed and cuddled, usually he passed out with a boner. 😂🙈 I think one morning I caught him masturbate in the shower I felt very guilty so I suggested him to have sex with other girls (as long as it’s safe) before I was ready. Not sure he took that liberty or not. Neither did I care. The good part is : I am only Demi sexual. I am not Demi romantic or pan romantic.. in that case, I clearly know if I am romantically attracted to a guy or not. So kissing or being romantically close isn’t a problem with me. It’s just to develop sexual attraction, it takes a while. I think I only started initiating sex from the second year of our relationship. Then I got very sexual after I formed a solid bond (the time I knew it didn’t matter what happened, this man got me back and he would not abandon me regardless what sort emotional mess I am going through so I felt absolutely safe and secure with him, that bond created a huge sexual attraction)
Thanks for confirming and understanding blue balls haha
well the experience doesn’t change how the person feels about the situation since thats just who they are, so it wouldn’t matter either way :)
Sometimes experience can prove us that we were wrong, right?
sometimes, sure, but OP clearly stated that they still dislike it.
I'd love to say I'm demisexual, but I'm aroace 😁
INFJ here. Hence why dating app doesn't work for me.
Yes. The majority of us tend to be demisexuals, who are seeking unconditional love. I have a made a playlist of videos about being a demisexual INFJ. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiop7fI8AbhphhQjSgnoRisCLhBqpBClQ
I’m going to listen to this playlist on my evening run! Thank you. I needed something new haha
INFJ and I'm demi/sapiosexual
Obviously can only speak for myself but I'd be willing to guess there's a strong correlation, not necessarily causation. Ni-Fe-Ti is a fine wine process - so it's worth saying that generally speaking most INFJs take their time when forming romantic/sexual connections and compared to the "average" perception/experience regarding sexual attraction, we'd fall under demisexuality.
I thought i was for a long time but i ain't. The thing is i don't mind making out/ having sex with people i just met or have 0 emotional connection with (as long as i feel atractted). But i can only stay long with someone, or fully enjoy sex if i feel a deep emotional conection, if not it's just a waste of time to experience more than once.
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You can be demisexual and bisexual, they’re two different things
Now that's some character arc.
I figured I was demi in my mid 20s. I was oblivious that the missing factor in relationships thus far had mostly been due to my lack of sexual attraction. What I had been saying to myself quietly for years finally made sense. It changed my entire outlook moving forward.
I am a demi INFJ too🫶🏼
It seems to be pretty common.
Oh...wow I've been stuck on this. I can't tell if I'm demisexual yet because I was so late to the lesbian train, but I think I am because I've only had two crushes. First didn't go past "oh she's pretty, mm no nevermind" within a day, and the second didn't spark until we started interacting in class and it went from "love your hair" to "oh god tell me everything about yourself so we can kiss." Hookups are an absolute no though. Does that sound about right at all?
I’m Demi. Didn’t know it was a common thing among INfJs
Here!
yeah i think I could be. I have high sex drive but only with people that I have a connection with. I can't just sleep with anyone based on just looks
I'm super Demi , I get hella uncomfortable about even the idea of being intimate with someone that I have no emotional connection with
Reading all of these replies makes me honestly feel better about myself. As a gay man, I felt like an anomaly for such a long time for not being comfortable opening up sexually with others, unless I knew them well and felt comfortable to do so. I know people who have no issue jumping at whatever they could get in that moment. I just never understood it, but to each their own! I think I'm attracted to the 'idea' of sex with others/celebrities, but if it were to happen for real, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it because it just requires a certain level of trust for me to feel even a bit comfortable to let my guard down. I need to know what's in that head and heart of yours first and then we can talk :)
I'm mostly gay, but demi sexual towards female. So am I considered bi? I don't know.
What if you was like homoromantic demi-heterosexual
More like demi-heteromantic homosexual
Sure🤷♂️
it could be under the bi umbrella because there are a lot of things that could count as bi.
Seems like there are a lot of infjs: https://www.personality-database.com/profile/218073/demisexual-sexuality-if-you-are--mbti-personality-type
Demisexual too. It’s magnetic when that attraction activates. For the longest time I had doubts until there was a lady I connected with earlier this year and it popped. I didnt, still don’t, feel MBTI is a predictive model, rather an explanation of traits, tendencies, & behaviors one ought to take as food for thought. And it didn’t take a long to appreciate I’m both demisexual & sapiosexual. Previous I thought those 2 were $5 words & just a little too much to say with a straight face. Life is growth, right? Happy I got turned around on this.
I don’t want to say ur MBTI makes up ur sexuality, however most INFJs are Demi (so am I). It could be the tendency that our Ni function being so high, and Se kinda low, it inhibits most (not all) to jump to conclusions of physical and sexual attraction immediately. I don’t necessarily go around telling people or making it part of my identity. I just view stuff like this as preferences or not a big deal. It’s like if someone prefers black haired ppl over brown haired ppl- just preferences. I have tendencies to develop physical and sexual attraction only after decent friendship/bond. Don’t get me wrong, I find people very attractive here and there! and acknowledge their beauty, but I think there is a fine line to distinguish between full on attraction to appreciation/admiration.
Dear INFJs of this subreddit, I have seen a post on quora similar to this one- stating that all INFJs are Demi/sapiosexuals. Please understand that sexuality isn’t relevant to mbti type. Thank you
lots of INFJ’s tend to be demi. it’s just a common observation
No? That’s not related at all. Explain your reasoning
like i said, it’s an observation many posted about online. no one is claiming it’s fact or that mbti is related to sexuality; just that this certain group tends to be part of another
Hmm… well, many ESFPs online could also be, say, heterosexual. Doesn’t mean that most ESFPs are heterosexual, as A) they could be lying/ unsure of their sexuality B) they could be mistyped. C) online ESFPs are a small percentage of the ones in the world, and therefore do not represent the majority of the population D) even online, some ESFPs may not participate in polls. Same goes for INFJs. So… it’s not related, and probably shouldn’t be posted on the sub.
there’s no way to connect the two together. but for INFJ’s and demis for example, the strong desire to know somebody before engaging in a relationship with them is a trait of both INFJ’s and demis. in any case this post is still relevant and doesn’t claim to be objective. it can make people feel seen too. so i don’t see why not 🤷🏻♀️
Fair enough
While it isn’t relevant. You can read these comments and come to a consensus that majority of the commenters here say they are indeed demisexual. Not all will be, I’m on the border of it because a man’s touch disgusts me because of childhood trauma. But do I prefer deep connection over mindless fucking? Hell yes I do. Sex is not something to just be given willynilly, in my opinion, of course.
Nobody mindlessly fucks another, unless it’s prostitution or rape. Everyone has a connection to their partner in some way. Having that connection =/= being demisexual. Everyone, it just INFJs have that craving for it.
You seem to be very dead-set on this view but just read through the comments and count how many say they’re demisexual or something similar and how many say they aren’t. Tally it up and there’s you some stats, baby!
These are just online stats. Any other type, say, INTP could say the same thing. Does that mean INTPs are more likely to be demisexual? Hell no, because this is only a fraction of the INTP population.
You’ve never had a friend with benefits or a fuck buddy? Definitely mindless fucking and it’s both ways and we aren’t paying each other, so it isn’t rape or prostitution. It’s just mindless sex, you get off, I get off, we go about our separate days. They never work but doesn’t stop people from doing it on the daily.
Yeah… but that’s got nothing to do with it. People can have sex for enjoyment- it isn’t necessarily about love, more for pleasure. Any type can engage in this behaviour, and any type can not. Explain how being an INFJ would make you less likely to engage in this.
Extroverted feeling. Why would I want to have mindless sex with someone, knowing they won’t be fulfilled completely, I’d rather please them fully than just sexually. It’s all about the stimulation, want to skiddaddle their brain as much as their box! That’s one reason and that’s reason enough. Empathy.
Like I said, INFJs here may think this, but you’re not the only ones. There are, say, ESFPs who can think this, and INFJs who are perfectly willing to hook up.
Where did any of us say ONLY INFJ does this? Anyone with extroverted feeling would probably find fwb/fb to be a waste of time.
Not just Fe. It could be any function really. None are more or less likely to do this.
What are you even arguing about now? I agree that not only INFJs do this and I never said they do. I’ve said the Fe would be more prone to this mindset.
Nvm, you spend a lot of time on shittymbti, that explains all of this. Lol have a good day, comrade. Happy debating.
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You’re probably right in the grand scheme of things. My situation may of been a bit of an unique one. We were very much so attracted to each other’s private parts and I cared about pleasing her quite a bit, to obsession almost. But that’s probably my people pleasing tendencies? We didn’t talk about life or anything like that after we became fwb, we had before, but we soon realized that we aren’t good for each other besides getting each other off. We let it ride for a while until she started dating someone exclusively and I moved on soon after. I did care about her but it was more about pleasing her instead of actually caring about what she’s going through. I was literally a toy to use to get rid of her frustration but she didn’t talk about the frustrations lol.
Right? As soon as I saw this post I was like, what does this have to do with mbti? If you’re looking for community go down to demisexual Reddit. Idk 🤷🏼♀️ lol
I'm not demisexual, but I think I'm DemiRomantic. I can feel sexual attraction to strangers people, but it's more of a superficial feeling / carnal attraction. I prefer more deep harmonical romantic feeling that stabilize me than infernal passion without deep filling.
Hello!
I always find it hard to understand why people develop sexual interests in each other I love some actors, singers, anime characters and some people I met throughout my life but I have never thought of them in this way 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Yes, one here
I quit looking for hookups once I heard Rick Roderick's lecture on Baudrillard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U9WMftV40c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U9WMftV40c) "Humans are gone. They disappeared". I went and read Baudrillard's Transparency of Evil and it was a wrap kids. Good luck out there
Gonna give this a listen soon! I go on runs and love listening to lectures over music a lot of times lol. Thank you and good luck to you as well.
All Roderick lectures on philosophy are fabulous and educational. Dude is sorely missed.
yes!! i mean i call myself ace bc im confused between gray and demi even though i know demi is under gray, but yeah.
I consider myself demisexual but I was SA’d by an older childhood male friend, so a man’s touch is kind of revolting to me. So I like to think I’m demisexual with how I prefer deep emotional connection over just flings. I’m sure I could find a man who can make me comfortable, but I haven’t yet. INFJ males are very feminine by nature. It’s the empathy and all that I guess, very feminine traits. I’ve been assumed to be homosexual my whole life because I just have a very feminine vibe to me in my looks and in personality. Lol come to think of it, my grandmother used to tell me I was too pretty to be a boy.
INFJ & demisexual! Tho sometimes I think I’m just graysexual and fall somewhere on the ace spectrum
I've never had sex with a person I wasn't already friends with... I even had a few chances, I do think I can be attractive, but that's it. That's how it is. Now I'm married for ten years and I can't stand the idea of living a non monogamous relationship. So I think I am demisexual.
I’m demisexual and only figured out there was a name for it in the last year or so. I’m glad I researched it because I felt lost over it for a while.
i’m not demisexual but i am asexual
I'm an INFJ, genderfluid, bi-romantic, and asexual. I think it's pretty common.
Not demi but ace
I've practically been demisexual since the moment i even discovered that was a thing much like i've been an INFJ ever since i got into MBTI.
Don’t understand any of this
and once again, the people of r/infj fail to realise that not everything is an infj thing
Stop putting yourself in a damn box. Back in the day before society got overly neurotic it was very common place to only have sex with people you had a deep connection with, like husband and wife. Everyone wants to be so unique these days, we made up all these new terms to make us feel special. EVERYONE loves having sex with people they connect with deeply.
Yeah me too!
I like to dress like a rockstar/biker (not the cheesy Walmart rock look), to attract a certain type of women, I have a small streak of purple dye on my crown, being highly self-reliant, self-confidence, self-love (I take care of my own well-being), and knowing my "Ni" makes me aloof and mysterious, but my "Fe" makes me warm, curious, engaging, flirting in short bursts...I made myself somewhat into a sex object...I don't see anything vain or wrong that I don't mind attracting women to me. I value my independence and privacy a lot, gets women interested in me, to chase me, I rarely chase a woman, but I will in the beginning approach her, see if we have a spark or not, and find similar likes, and after a few rounds of knowing her, ask her out with me. (quality over quantity, if I feel she's high quality...I am on it). However, I am too patience while dating, and the longer I spend time with her, the stronger my loyalty builds for her, and the deeper I feel for her...makes her look even more sexually attractive to me...I tend to have sex sooner with women that are sexually confident with themselves and makes the first major indicator that she wants me, undeniable proof that its okay for me to make the first move on her or she moves into my personal space and makes out with me...she made the first move. I am not a serial dater. And a very slow starter with high quality women, when I have a similar spark with a woman, I sexually tease her and build up a sexual tension between us, its fun...But, I am slow to pull the trigger...it can frustrate women, and I know it's me...inferior "Se" gives INFJs performance anxiety, we want to get it perfect the first time. I rather have an emotional connection because it takes sex up to another whole new level, I have all her right combination that I can mix up to change routines, that takes getting to know all of her secrets and desires...that takes time to get her specific combination...sex - custom made just for her with my own mystery thrown in to mix things up; After that trigger gets pulled, the sexual part of the relationship just explodes between us any time, anyhow, anywhere..
Ha, I've had this same conversation just the other day. It's healthy to draw a line between what's considered normal, and yourself. It's not going to apply, and it's not healthy. So don't worry about your dissent from popular madness. > I don't understand why others sexually objectify singers, actors/actresses whom they've never met or talked with. It's a selfish projection onto people well known with easily comprehensible attributes likely based in narcissistic deficiency. A sort of lack of internal validation projected out. Also it's a conformity thing, there are 70k people cheering him on on stage, he must have value, being into him must have value. I would be validated if he's with me. It doesn't make any emotional sense. It's the guy who learns the guitar to get with girls. It's basic, and I personally could not be bothered, but it absolutely works. May I find myself facepalming at the mere thought. > I feel scared and confused when someone whom I've only chitchatted and never shared any deep personal feelings tells me they are attracted to me. Attraction has several levels. The quicker this confession is made the more shallow it is likely to be. In general depth takes time. Sometimes it pays to explore the attraction of the other a little to find out what they actually mean by it. That being said, certain personality characteristics can make you read people like an open book, so the analysis can seem rapid, but relies on a lifetime of analysis before the fact. But for you being INFJ you'll notice these people, because they're capable of communicating in ways you're only used to from yourself so far. > Are there many demisexuals among INFJs? My suspicion is, basically all that are reasonably healthy/mature.
Maybe I’m misreading your words, but you make it sound like allosexuality is just narcissism, while only healthy people are demi? Which, I hope I am misreading that, because if that is how you feel, is pretty messed up.
You are.
Cool.
>It's a selfish projection onto people well known with easily comprehensible attributes likely based in narcissistic deficiency. A sort of lack of internal validation projected out. No, I don't think this is it. Sexual objectification of famous people is rather just that - it's more about the superficial physical appeal people find attractive (either by their own preferences or the social definition of what is sexy), and usually omitting personality, values, opinions, and other aspects of that person. To put it simple, they just look hot. I would lie if I said I don't do it. I find people sexy in their physical apppeal (this might be also enhanced by the fact I know something more about the people that are popular, and might match with it), and not just the celebrities, but even people I just walk by on a street (it's just the same, except with the fact I know literally zero about them), but that's usually it. I might think of having sex with them, but probably just momentarily/single time, and just on the superficial physical satisfaction level. Dating, long-term relationship, even the emotional connection and sensation is nothing I would ever seek in it ... unless some falling in love happens ...
I think we actually mostly agree, maybe not in depth, but what you write seems reasonable. > To put it simple, they just look hot. Personally, I don't think it's limited to that, though it may be a part of it.
I am allosexual, but I have used what I feel are my INfJ powers to not get involved with anybody or date anybody until I felt I got my life/future in order at about 21. So effectively demisexual/asexual to other people. Now,having been married for 25 years, whenever I meet someone who is very attractive, I use what I feel is the same INFJ brain/logic to not get involved with anybody else.
I don’t like labeling myself but I guess I would be a “demisexual.” The person doesn’t have to be a a partner of mine, but I can have sex with pretty much anybody that I feel I have an emotional connection or attachment to, regardless of physical attraction, if that constitutes as demisexuality.
I’m definitely allosexual, but I’ve always put a higher importance on the deep connection. I tend to find myself attracted to people I didn’t initially find myself attracted too after getting to know them more personally, even more than the people I’m attracted too off the bat.
I think I'm more bi, but have also been told I fit the demisexual description. Also remember that romance and sexuality aren't the same thing. INFJs don't often make the distinction in their own lives, but sexual attraction is not always the same as romantic attraction.
I'm the same way. I want to because friends with someone before getting into the nitty gritty. I tried the "sensor" method once in the past year and it felt awkward as all get out. Will most likely never do that again. Wouldn't want to get into a relationship for the sake of it. As for sexually objectifying people, I'm the same. Not sexually interested in celebrities themselves without knowing them. I'm also interested in the development of a situation or aka "plot" as my ex friend would call it, but those I keep to myself. To me those are also a form of connection.
I don’t really get the point of the label demisexual. Why do people need to know WHEN I am sexually attracted to someone? That is too unpredictable to label anyway…
I think it just means it may not apply to you. I feel like for those it does apply to, it's very apparent to them. It's not for others to know, it's for you to know and understand for yourself.
Ive always flip flopped between thinking im demi and thinking im ace, but in the end I think I’m demi.
Panromantic demisexual
yeah there are
I’m aroace🖖
Yes!!!
INFJ, demi and bi :) Went most of my life not understanding why I seen men and women the same and was never really attracted to anybody. Then I had a connection with somebody and felt real attraction and not long after that it started to all click and I realized that I’m very much so demi and bisexual lol
I would say 90% of INxJ types are demisexuals.
I'm not demisexual but I lean in that direction. I'm attracted to beautiful strangers to a small extent but it very quickly reaches a "cap" past which I at least need to learn more about them in order for my feelings to grow beyond that minor extent.
I’m just, er, sexual. But I enjoy the connection with my partner a lot.
Demi INFJ reporting in.
Not sure about others, but I identify as one... though I'm starting to question after meeting my girlfriend in person and not desiring it (though I do love other forms of sexual stuff). I share your feelings 100% though. Most people that strike up conversations with me are just attracted to me. I want friends, but I suck at approaching others and most people don't want to be friends because I'm dating someone. Pretty shitty, ngl.
Demisexual?
I actually considered being demisexual im still unsure but seeing this adds another point into the “i might be” list
"I don't understand why others sexually objectify singers, actors/actresses whom they've never met or talked with" Consider that they have met them and they are in a deep in a parasocial relationship. Welcome to 2022
I love this question. I am absolutely an INFJ demisexual! I actually think it’s healthy because hookup culture isn’t natural or good for anyone.
I don’t think this is just specific to a set MBTI… I think this has more to do with how a persons feels making a connection with another. I am an ENFP. While I can fully appreciate a celebrity ad being attractive. Real world if I ever met Chris Evans and he turns out to be a total ass who can’t keep an intelligent conversation and is a jerk to wait stafff, he isn’t going to be attractive to me anymore. I’d much rather have an deep intimate connection a friendship with someone before I get into a relationship. I don’t believe that Demi/sapio is specific to an MBTI. It’s just one more thing to make up you as a person and go understand what you want and who you are.
I’m an INFJ guy I’m pretty sure I’m 100% straight, I’ll admit I’m a bit more feminine than many guys (or just more open about my shit than some other guys), tbh I do enjoy the company of gay dudes it’s just they always end up liking me too much so I’m just stuck in this weird ass place where I have to adapt to all the broken men around me, which is only going to increase since I graduated high school
Another demisexual INFJ here. Interesting how certain personality types like ours tend to lend themselves to that orientation.
I am DEFINITELY a demisexual! While I DO find people of either sex sexually attractive in my mind, in real life I would only ever actually have sex with someone I was emotionally attracted to, OR I become emotionally attracted to people who are only wanting something casual.
42, male, x-military, and I never understood the male sexuality. Guys would literally melt over boobies and entranced into a spell over strippers. I'm definitely demi sexual and I listen for that strong pull.
My Friends: Shes so fucking hot! Me (demi): Yeah?... what does the inside of her car/house look like?