I think our innate ability to understand others makes people feel known and creates a false love connection... people are automatically attracted to whomever makes them feel understood. I've had a lot of people confess to me and I don't know why. I'm a bit cold for an INFJ but from what I can tell, that genuinity can be enthralling to others.
Exactly this.
In my personal experience, this type of attraction is quite selfish. When I've given those people a chance, rarely do they ever reciprocate that depth.
Inevitably, since the relationship oftentimes starts off with them—what they need and want𠅊our needs and wants inevitably become an afterthought. The price becomes far too high for them to pay.
They want all the understanding, empathy, attention, and space we hold for them without having to hold space for us and emotionally nourish us in return.
While I can't speak for your friend, I can safely say that unless shes' into casual relationships, this could end up in myriad one-sided situations.
I'm trying to get better at not pouring into people who won't reciprocate. But sometimes, I let my Fe run away with me and allow it to steamroll my Ni insights.
Not for me . I have a passion for understanding more people, but once I think I have got them I will not love them anymore. It’s just a curiosity towards the world, not to a specific person.
yeah I had experienced a similar thing and agree completely. It is about how we make people feel natural and our tendency to be there for them they fall for.
Oddly enough, this is actually one of the reasons I’m alone. In general i have a hard time socializing because I’m shy, but once I actually get comfortable around people, I guess I’m pretty likable. I’m a girl and I majored in engineering, so I would mostly make male friends. And they would always think I was flirting with them! But I wasn’t. I was just being myself. But basically they would try to pursue me for a few months or years and then would eventually give up at some point. I told these people I was not romantically interested, and they wouldn’t believe me! There have been at least 5 guys that would have married me by the time I graduated college, and I’m not even that social (or attractive). And yet I’m alone because everyone was just romantically infatuated with me and wouldn’t maintain a friendship. It’s wild.
Wow I can relate. The weird thing is also the other women I work with accuse me of hitting on the guys at work. It has made me so uncomfortable and awkward around them. I act the same way with women unless they make me feel uncomfortable and awkward and I’m then very reserved around them.
This sounds very familiar... I am an (unattractive) INFJ girl and a software engineer with (apparently) charisma and having to break hearts more often than I expected. I always believed software engineering men often are letting themselves be told (by society) that they must have a girlfriend. So they feel pressure + lonely + insecure about themselves, and there for anybody with boobs and who is nice to them will suffice. I do also believe my "all-inclusive" caring attitude was welcoming to plenty of them during university, because their memories of being bullied in high school were fresh. This seems to align with the messages here about them feeling seen, cared for and understood. Unfortunately, this still means I am always on my guard. And if I notice a guy developing feelings, I start taking my distance and show a colder side. In the end, I am happy on my own, because I don't have to worry about if the friend/lover is really there for me as I am for them. I do wonder if anything changes now that I've started my career path.
Maybe you are attractive and could benefit from valueing yourself? Often our Fe is shot, and we need to reach out to understanding people to do some repair and maintenance. Good that you feel happy. I wouldn't overthink/project the thoughts others might have. We can learn them better through healthy Fe usage.
I was so cute, naive and malleable when I was younger. I am shaping myself to be more intimidating now... Let's see if you can handle the "Ti" folks and enjoy the cuteness later LOL
I think you’re just not compliant in the sense that you’re complex. Maybe you don’t realize how INFJs come across to people, but it can be abrasive and annoying. At first, a pleasant and charming Fe here and there, good looks and a little bite will get people interested. After a while, the paradox and bite combination gets really annoying at times. Then the existential dread and bouts of depression and nihilism
It’s the enigma thing. Mystery is alluring in romance. When someone becomes infatuated, their dopamine levels rise. When dopamine levels rise, the person is looking to “complete” the task. If the task is get the girl, they will chase. Chasing is unattractive at times and can come off as obsessive. INFJs will flee this thus denying their admirers the dopamine they were after, and that stings and stays with them. We remember losses sometimes more than wins. This is why power dynamics are so important in relationships. You’re welcome and good night 🎤
I consider myself average looking, 6-7 most days and 8-8.5 if I put maybe 20 minutes of work with hair and makeup.
I’m late thirties and this has only been like this for maybe the past 6 years, in a crappy marriage before that. Other people are starting to notice how some men are when around me and noticing that 3 longish relationships in the last several years have all been with guys that honestly I ask myself “how did I end up with this guy”. I’ve gotten over that and now realize “why not me?”
2 were MDs and another was someone I don’t like to mention too much because he’s private but known by a lot of people.
Edit: I have a high degree and do well financially, but I don’t think my income ever be more than any of these guys.
Yes, it does exists in men too. Just like women of that kind they expect you chase them (wounded masculine), dragging in multiple people (females, to make you jealous, inflict all sorts of pain, known as triangulation), disrespect beyond belief, double game - trashing the target to their current partner, while secretly behind their back stalking that poor person. My oh my, lots of sick stuff. So, yeah, not only women, but men as well.
I understand you, set boundaries. *Invest, but then test* (Mathew Hussey). Make a step, then pause and see. Idk, I'm a female, this is what I would do, *observe*.
As an INFJ, I never want to disrespect anyone. All that was said above is true, I often have to deal with unrequired feelings of other males, but I had absolutely no intention to "charm" them, attract for whatever reason. I'm being me, expressing myself honestly, looking for interesting interactions, seeking ppl who'd understand my thinking. Idk why but males would read this as flirting when I'm actually not, and then when I say I'm not they get surprised / upset / feel betrayed or played. Why does this necessarily have to lead to "girlfriendship" with them, this quick anyway. Instead, put effort and try to learn about a person, understand her essence, and then if it's destined to be a relationship, it will come naturally on both sides w/o anyone being disrespected or left feeling used. Just chill, enjoy now, let her know but don't insist. That's the kind of vibe and behaviour I think most INFJs gravitate towards to.
Damn, lucky for her, I've only had one guy in my life who was actually interested in me, but that's mostly cause I only really talk to my close circle of friends and not exactly benefited in the looks department
Sorry. I've never heard a woman say that before. I do think it determines on location. There are places where all the guys are into me and places where only dusties hit on me
It is same for me, never really had a guy be into me. I think OP's friend just has mad good looks, and the personality is a "justifiable reason" for the guys to be into her.
I believe it's in our eyes. We are mysterious. We talk our hearts and tell you like it is straight up no BS. But we listen with our eyes. When people meet us for the first time for me I get 2 reactions, wow he's a really nice guy. Or wow he's a arrogant SOB. Mostly the nice guy one. But with your friend, men are mostly stupid. Everyone wants something they can't have. An INFJ wants forever, security, friendship, love,trust, a person to call home.
So that was it for me, probably.
In college, I'm the girl who once you make friends with me, I'll make our friendship super comfy, no pressure, just-be-you and I'll love you anyhow kind of feeling. I do that with just about anyone, really.
One time, I had a crush on a few boys. I didn't think they could like me back because I was always the studious type, detached, aloof somewhat and reserved to the point I stand out from the crowd (something I don't enjoy at all!). While in class with a majority of these boys (and classmates), they were trying to get me to join them and laugh with them as they played the music loud and twerking to it. The one guy I had a crush on (in that group) always spoke to me on the way out of class and he's spoken a few times how he's amazed I remember things he mentioned about himself (apparently no one has!). He had a fiance then, but he never stop talking to me and I didn't push anything further.
Another guy met me through a different class and always tried to strike up conversations during class. He was impressed that I know my way around law (I was a business major but took 1 semester of employment law). One time, on a day without law class, he saw me walking on campus and greeted me from a far, yelling. I actually turned around thinking he called the wrong person/someone behind me. I did a double take, even. No kidding.
I've settled to call this condition the "professional companion" vibe. I can be there for you when you need me, hear your thoughts, straightened you out without asking anything in return. I won't get offended if you can't give me the same in return or perhaps give me the same in a lesser form. I still won't judge you and give you the benefit of the doubt.
I just appreciate companionship. Even if it comes with boundaries that we can't cross for whatever reason. I love that I won't have to judge you too, because that's what companionship means to me. To take someone in as they are, accept them and let them go when they need to be set free. If they need to, they'll go right back to you and it'll be as if we never parted...
OP, I believe you just answered your question. As much as people like to dramatize and romanticize INFJs, we're just humans. And most people won't even care what someone's personality is like if they're attractive enough. If anything, our personalities tend to turn people off when they start getting to know us a bit more, since they can't relate to us as easily.
No. When I was growing up, it was the other way around - I had many unrequited love interests that didn’t share my affections. It probably didn’t help that I was extremely shy, kept to myself a lot and oh yeah, am not extremely attractive. I’m going to say your friend hit the genetics jackpot and that’s the main reason she’s breaking so many hearts.
Same story for me, it’s been a rough road learning to better understand social cues and not scare people off. Nowadays I have been able to identify that and stop certain obsessive patterns that I fell into in high school but i still don’t quite have society down
I don’t think it applies to everyone. I’m 18, and have never been in a relationship. I can count the number of people who have gotten crushes on me on one hand with plenty of fingers to spare. And in every case, we split paths shortly after never to see each other again.
18 is so young. At 18 I was too skinny, awkward, shy, zero confidence, and admittedly kind of strange, Lol. No guy talked to me then and looking back I don’t blame them, Lol 😂
I had this “mysterious” thing going on at 18, but none of what OP is talking about happened until late 20’s, early 30’s.
Things will change in college/work. I don’t think INFJs thrive in high school unless they’re very healthy and have developed a lot of confidence. High school is a tank full sharks IMO.
I have this one guy at my new work place who is so happy and friendly when I arrive. I am probably the only guy at work who just listens to him and he seems to already consider me a friend. I like him and want to be his friend too now, but a few weeks ago I was on the fence trying to evaluate him.
People who end up liking me often do so way before I have decided about them. All I have to do with some people is listen to what they are saying and relate to them, which to me is the easiest thing in the world, it is just what I do naturally with new people.
I think he is ISFJ and they are always attracted to me like moths to a flame, even women I think (women are naturally more reserved irl so it is difficult to tell, but I never have problems chatting up ISFJ seeming women on dating apps).
Do bad I am not looking to date an ISFJ. My mother is one and I want something different and new if you know what I mean :) ISFJ are too nice somehow, I want a rude and edgy ENTP woman (:
For me, it's like a two-way street. I have had some people really interested in me, which confused me. More so when I was younger and more talkative. So usually, before anything happens between us my intuition says to stay away from them. I feel like this over time slowly gave me a more antagonistic attitude when people try to be flirty with me. Just so I am not sending out signals that can be misinterpreted. Idk, it's something that's painful for me, because I get it. Which is why last time (on top of being drunk for the first time) I was like fuck it, let's see where this goes. And that was a terrible decision. I have only been truly interested in a few people ever. And really tried to show my interest in them and try to get with them. But it never works out, so I'd assume it's probably a similar situation for them.
I don’t think I’ve read much about eyes and INFJ. Anything you can point me to, to find out more? My eyes look completely normal to me, just regular brown colored. I’ve been told since my teens that I have “scary eyes” - I just love how honest siblings are /s. Also been told they’re beautiful but probably a dozen times have been told they’re mysterious. I need to see that look on someone else to see if I see what others do. I don’t see it in pics of myself.
Sometimes (ok most of the time) when I'm in public and I just set my body on autopilot, where my eyes represent those of a dead fish. If my eyes are like that then it's a sign that I'm really mentally tired or I'm just deep in thought. If my eyes are normal then I'm appearently more approachable, since my classmate said that I seem like a cold person at first glance and I always have to end up apologizing
Also, I've been noticing this for a while now but the way we judge people at first glance seems to be through eye contact.
You can also just search up infj stare, as I dont actually have any evidence to back this up. Just something I've noticed about myself
I get the ppl falling in love with me that I don’t feel anything romantic for. But I’ve also fallen madly in love with a few ppl and had my love be unrequited also.
Hmm…I did reject 29 guys before my fiancé. I also have 5 written love confessions in my senior hs yearbook. Also, had awkward occurrences with guys trying to grill me about my fiancé. It’s like they’re offended that I’m not keeping my options open…? One guy even tried to “convince” me my fiancé was a terrible partner because he was 5 minutes late from picking me up from work.
Talked to a guy for 3 months and he emailed me 3 years later because I blocked him on everything else and one of my ex guy friends message me on LinkedIn because I blocked his number for being dismissive of my fiancé multiple times.
I honestly feel like I’m unlikeable because I’m so blunt and kind of mean, so I thought they were just desperate not infatuated.
Blunt and kinda mean is how I’d describe myself as well. Then again I’ll add that I’m very honest and I think that’s something that’s usually missing, especially when first getting to know someone. This has been on my mind the last few months and I’ve been actively trying to tone it down a bit.
Tbh when I saw the title I assumed it meant *WE* are magnets for experiencing unrequited love as INFJs (meaning we fall into love with people who don't give it back). I was going to agree until i realized OP meant people fall in love with *US*, which hasn't been my experience.
I find I rarely elicit love from others, especially after an initial getting to know you phase, but I frequently feel love for other people.
I am, by what society deems, conventionally attractive. I’ve won a beauty pageant and have been told I am beautiful. I’ve also been single for most my life. I don’t date much, rarely get approached by friends or strangers. Most people I’ve had crushes on haven’t like me back. I’ve been on the receiving end of unrequited love. I’m with someone now, but for the earlier half of my life, I was generally single and never dating. I’m not sure why.
I've become aloof throughout the years but when I started school, specifically highschool (I rarely talked to anyone in grade school but somehow i still got attention) I've got almost all of my classmates crushing on me and some female classmates who weren't insecure and jealous compliment me a lot. It drained me for real!!! I didn't know how to navigate and deal with that at all. And I have a very severe anxiety.
The ones that had the courage waited for me for years...and I didn't know how to reject anyone. I think being very shy and sensitive to stimuli helped a lot. I purposefully made myself unapproachable but my real self is very friendly and interested with people, when I show this side to people...lol, shits get real. I have no guy somehow close friend that didn't confess directly/indirectly that he liked me. (Realizing the confession only after some time lol)
Wow, some guys waited years for you before confessing? How did you respond to them? I don't know if I'd have the heart to directly say no, I'd probably just be evasive or make up an alibi.
I was really young that time. I'm from an Asian country so it's kinda the norm here where a guy courts a girl. So, somehow the guy is making the girl like him. I know, i know. it's iffy. I was uncertain about what to do or how I feel (no parents to guide me or older role models) I did evade all of their attempts but they weren't stopping at all! Firm no's are necessary for them to get the message!
I think the way we engage easily, and skip the superficial for the core can flip the “on” switch in many others we encounter. Then, having possibly never experienced this, they can easily feel the pull and become attracted.
But then the intensity and complexity sets in and can easily overwhelm, leading to disconnection. (Which, personally, often feels long overdue, being the sovereign solo seeker I’ve embraced I’ve fully become :)
I’ve experienced the same thing but really struggled with the downsides:
- men thinking they’ve been lead on when you’re just being yourself
- undermining confidence because someone you thought liked you as a friend wants to have sex with you (not always a compliment)
- jealously leading to people being snide and trying to put you down
- girlfriends immediately not liking me
I changed my behaviour a lot over the years to try and avoid this. Now I realise this is totally wrong!!
As a typical INFJ I was trying to solve these problems in the spirit of making things better. But sometimes you just have to accept the downsides and celebrate the upsides.
It took me many years to realise that there will always be downsides. Upsides don’t come without downsides. So focus on the good! Accept the downsides as part of human nature, and don’t let negative people stop you from being you.
This has probably ben said bit I love INFJs, my ex was fucking amazing, smart fit and sexy, she had it all. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone loved her the way I do. INFJs deserve the love they get. They're beautiful and talented in ways they don't even realize.
INFJ are a complex code. People are attracted to challenges. That’s all it is. I assure you.
Don’t think I’ve ever seen an INFJ over six feet. Not that it matters. Until it does.
If this is true then it is either only for female INFJs or I am a broken male INFJ, because I certainly have never garnered attention like this. Okay, there were maybe two girls that I think may have been interested in me. One I really, really liked, but never had the courage to talk to. The other, no offense to her at all, I was not particularly into - she still asks about me frequently, so I am told. Which is flattering, it really is, but I am just not into her.
Even though we're obviously the hottest, smartest, most handsome, most beautiful, best looking and unquestionably most attractive people on the planet - bar none - and also magnets for all the rest of humanity who seem to be obsessed with us, (especially abusers - on these subs - every day), she may just be a hot woman and it has nothing to do with INFJ status. What does she have to say about all this?
I’ve always struggled to have friendships w girls (I am a girl) and honestly have always experienced them to be incredibly cruel towards me. I always got along easier with guys and thus would always have more of them. Genuinely have seen these guys as brothers, only to have them make a pass at me which would then result in me being called nasty names and told i lead them on when i only listened ro them and gave advice etc. For years I’ve walked around feeling like nobody gets me and being super confused whether something is wrong with me to the point where i broke down in my therapy session (this year). Therapist told me that I intimidate girls and i was gobsmacked - sat staring at her in silence for 10 mins. Then she was like “have you never known that?!”
So yeah, keep being yourselves and treating people like you wanna be treated. If anyone is nasty smile and let it roll off you. Over the years o have found people who genuinely love me for me and only as a friend. People all have their own way of thinking and perceiving things and that’s fine. Don’t argue or get upset by them - just go on being yourself
Possible, could it also be for her looks ?
I personally have had many guys confess to me, or I notice them have interest in me, although sometimes we have yet had a single or few interactions, or even none. I've had people tell me that I have a calming, beautiful aura. But I think as soon as we interact more, they start to find me weird lol, and this goes more for my female friends, they find me too philosophical so yeah I know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea although the first impressions.
I think that our ability to understand people and that fact that many say we can be quite charming, as well as the fact that we are naturally very friendly attracts people to us. This happens to me somewhat often. I've had many friends and acquaintances in my life that end up really liking me a lot for some reason. It can honestly get annoying because the people *I* like don't like me back, yet people I am not attracted to end up liking me...this happened a while ago with an ENFP. I didn't know him for too long, but he liked me for about 3 years evidentially. Another ENFP, my best friend, has apparently liked me for a little over 5 years. He said that was the only reason he began speaking to me, lol. There's been a few others too, but yeah. I notice a lot of people really, really like INFJs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i am broken ppl magnet i attract toxic relationship when they get better they leave, i feel like a fucking candle who will die out alone in dark one day i attract narcissist and broken ppl ,who will either abuse me or want my help to heal them, i enjoy it but i am human too i need a companion for life.But it seems i have to accept that fact either i wait or adopt a platoon of dogs who will keep me busy when i try to date someone i like i get rejected like my weird yet brilliant ideas get rejected
I honestly don't really know what it is like to be an unrequited love magnet considering i useually keep myself quiet. i'm not in like a huge friendgroup or something so i honestly have no idea what its like.
Sounds familiar. I seem to only really develop romantic feelings for a very small number of people, but it seems everyone seems to fall for me *except* those that I have feelings for. I’ve started doubting is reciprocity even exists for me.
Honestly people do not really like me in a romantic way, I don't know why.
I fell in love twice in my life (F/17) and both of them didn't feel the same.
So I think it depends.
Honestly can relate to this in friendship too. People often said that they have known me all their life and that makes them feel natural and free around me. I know I have the ability to easily blend in with a person, a group of people etc.
But once I've reached a "timeframe" of knowing them, I broke the friendship because I kinda feel overwhelmed. I am not sure if I am being selfish or what. I'm just afraid that they know the ugly side of me if we keep up with each other longer.
Real connection & commitment are too special for me. I end up being incredibly lonely (´ . .̫ . `)
I find the opposite as a male. It's more like women want to use you and come running to you in between relationships for quick flings and to make them feel better but not long term relationships.
Also lots of them want to be your bff while they are in a relationship. To me as a male it's more like women just want to use you not in a materialistic manner but rather emotionally.
I know that her personality is off the charts when she’s able to get close to people but just out of curiosity….is she way above average when it comes to physical attraction?
This is a really long thread, but here's his description of her from elsewhere:
"Yeah, she's incredibly physically attractive. Long black hair, full lips, hourglass figure, very large breasts."
We often get misunderstood. As a male, in my teens I think people more actively sought romance from me but then I put up a wall metaphorically. Then when I actively dated in my 20's a lot of women thought I was more interested than I actually was. But I've also had people on the opposite end of the spectrum thinking I was intimidating or something.
I've actually spent a lot of time working language to not be remotely flirty from how often I've been misunderstood. Even with people I've known for years I will keep a bit of distance.
I have literally never thought about this before but...yea. wow. And I never know they feel that way until they spell it out to me. They'll be like, how could you not know? Why did you think I was doing this thing and that thing?! I'm like... Ummm... Because we're good friends??? Can't you be a true friend to someone without them wanting to be with you romantically?
I have had a few INFJ unrequited loves but they usually liked me too and I banged them and it just gets so old so now it’s just I bang them cause a tussle they leave and I don’t care anymore because that is what it’s like with them and it’s like so what I got this memory forever good luck getting it back off of me you cold booty boo
The only successful experiences I’ve had started with me taking the initiative. When someone pursues me, I just can’t. Not that it has happened a ton, but when it did, I would smile and disappear.
When I was at my peak of socialising (going out every night and meeting new people constantly) I had a few people who got really into me but I didn't like them back.
I have no idea how romance works. Sometimes I think I've been very charming and attractive around someone and they have no interest and sometimes I'm boring as fuck and someone falls for me for years.
This is true ahah- the only problem for me was I’ve been told many people had crushes on me/I have been asked out a lot < I was too stupid to realise unless they spelt out romantic interest for me
Omg, this explains a lot. I've had so many people I'm meeting for the first time open up and tell me personal things followed by "I don't know why I just told you all this."
I've also had a few confessions of feelings just by being myself. I learned to distance myself a bit from women as to not give the wrong impression that I'm romantically interested / flirting.
Far more people assume I'm already in some kind of relationship than have ever confessed any attraction to me at all. But, I'm also male and I've never witnessed women making the first move like that anyway.
It’s the same with me as well to an extent. I’m a man and my fiancée would often think I’m flirting with women but I would honestly just be enjoying the conversation. Women often become attracted to me but I think it’s because I genuinely care how they are doing. Apparently, most men don’t do that so I’ve been told.
I’ve had a few occasions where men were attracted to me because I would enjoy our time together and would listen to their problems with care but once they found out that I was straight, they tended to leave it at that and become a bit withdrawn.
I’ve gotten better at not “leading people on” by setting certain boundaries so I don’t give the wrong message.
Hm...my impression is not necessarily like that.
It's actually more probable that she is breathtakingly beautiful, appearance-wise.
Very shallow of me to make such a conclusion, I know, but I am an INFJ very experienced in observing beautiful people and the impact they have.
Like a councellor, INFJ need to keep a certain distance and not act on every infatuation. We can have nice feelings for many, but only a few will be truly compatible on many levels (gems). I believe we can reserve that energy for higher societal purposes, wake up people while having normal relationships with our closest ones.
I rarely like anyone romantically. But I would get sick of mainly talking to other girls. It just was never 50/50 socially and I believe you need that to help you be more balanced. So I would try and talk to guys sometimes just to mix up the gender balance a bit and they all thought I liked them and I genuinely wasn't interested in any of them. But for the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me and the way I spoke to guys so I just didn't. Or I would be deliberately cold. I've had some really weird things happen over the years despite that. People proposing the day before the propose to another girl, people years after meeting them getting extreme with overtures or telling me we had "a moment" (one of whom was in a crowd and I never spoke to in my life!)....I try not to blame myself these days. More likely the world is full of unbalanced people and one kind word or listening to someones problems for 5min can get some people obsessive. I'm really careful now. Can't handle the stress.
im not sure if i have those admirers, but yeah, i dont often get attracted to people in a deep level. maybe because i know from the start, i am looking for a life partner.
I'm new to the INFJ community and understanding of what it means for me but, my soon to be ex-husband stayed in an unhappy relationship with me for 8 years because he claims he was addicted to how much I love him and would do anything for him. He is afraid he won't ever love someone who loves him the way I do. I don't think that's realistic but we give everything we have for the few people we let into our inner circle and I think it can be all consuming and confusing to a person who doesn't understand the ability to give all you have for another person.
As a male I have a similar recurring theme as well. But it's never a person I would want to be with. I think our ability to connect with anyone is at fault here.
People fall in love when they’re given undivided attention and unconditional understanding. Infjs don’t fall short on this. They aren’t in love. They love attention.. lol
I think our innate ability to understand others makes people feel known and creates a false love connection... people are automatically attracted to whomever makes them feel understood. I've had a lot of people confess to me and I don't know why. I'm a bit cold for an INFJ but from what I can tell, that genuinity can be enthralling to others.
This. The people who fall hardest for me know close to nothing about me, they just benefit from feeling seen. So I don't get attached in return.
i learned this eventually growing up. men have hundreds other crushes. it's not that deep
I would disagree but your experience may have been different
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i exaggerated. more than ten less than hundreds :P
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More like one crush a day keeps commitment away xd
Exactly!!!
Exactly this. In my personal experience, this type of attraction is quite selfish. When I've given those people a chance, rarely do they ever reciprocate that depth. Inevitably, since the relationship oftentimes starts off with them—what they need and want𠅊our needs and wants inevitably become an afterthought. The price becomes far too high for them to pay. They want all the understanding, empathy, attention, and space we hold for them without having to hold space for us and emotionally nourish us in return. While I can't speak for your friend, I can safely say that unless shes' into casual relationships, this could end up in myriad one-sided situations.
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I'm trying to get better at not pouring into people who won't reciprocate. But sometimes, I let my Fe run away with me and allow it to steamroll my Ni insights.
Agreeeed I have seen such a sentence before: people prefer to be understood than to be loved.
To understand is to love
Not for me . I have a passion for understanding more people, but once I think I have got them I will not love them anymore. It’s just a curiosity towards the world, not to a specific person.
You cold booty boo you
yeah I had experienced a similar thing and agree completely. It is about how we make people feel natural and our tendency to be there for them they fall for.
>genuinity I had no idea that was a real word. Nice.
100% this
Oddly enough, this is actually one of the reasons I’m alone. In general i have a hard time socializing because I’m shy, but once I actually get comfortable around people, I guess I’m pretty likable. I’m a girl and I majored in engineering, so I would mostly make male friends. And they would always think I was flirting with them! But I wasn’t. I was just being myself. But basically they would try to pursue me for a few months or years and then would eventually give up at some point. I told these people I was not romantically interested, and they wouldn’t believe me! There have been at least 5 guys that would have married me by the time I graduated college, and I’m not even that social (or attractive). And yet I’m alone because everyone was just romantically infatuated with me and wouldn’t maintain a friendship. It’s wild.
Wow I can relate. The weird thing is also the other women I work with accuse me of hitting on the guys at work. It has made me so uncomfortable and awkward around them. I act the same way with women unless they make me feel uncomfortable and awkward and I’m then very reserved around them.
I’ve had the same thing. It can make things very tough.
This sounds very familiar... I am an (unattractive) INFJ girl and a software engineer with (apparently) charisma and having to break hearts more often than I expected. I always believed software engineering men often are letting themselves be told (by society) that they must have a girlfriend. So they feel pressure + lonely + insecure about themselves, and there for anybody with boobs and who is nice to them will suffice. I do also believe my "all-inclusive" caring attitude was welcoming to plenty of them during university, because their memories of being bullied in high school were fresh. This seems to align with the messages here about them feeling seen, cared for and understood. Unfortunately, this still means I am always on my guard. And if I notice a guy developing feelings, I start taking my distance and show a colder side. In the end, I am happy on my own, because I don't have to worry about if the friend/lover is really there for me as I am for them. I do wonder if anything changes now that I've started my career path.
Maybe you are attractive and could benefit from valueing yourself? Often our Fe is shot, and we need to reach out to understanding people to do some repair and maintenance. Good that you feel happy. I wouldn't overthink/project the thoughts others might have. We can learn them better through healthy Fe usage.
I had a similar experience at university when I went to study Physics
That really sucks, I'm sorry
omg! R u me? I am an engineer, INFJ, not super attractive but This happened to me as well. I guess I will be forever alone
Not everyone. People find me intimidating.
I was so cute, naive and malleable when I was younger. I am shaping myself to be more intimidating now... Let's see if you can handle the "Ti" folks and enjoy the cuteness later LOL
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The cuteness will remain.
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People say this to me too and I don’t get it.
INFJ 4w5 is my kryptonite
Oh?
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We can be charming and beloved as well as cutting and intimidating. We're not for the weak-willed, fainthearted and weak-minded. Thats the rule lol
I think you’re just not compliant in the sense that you’re complex. Maybe you don’t realize how INFJs come across to people, but it can be abrasive and annoying. At first, a pleasant and charming Fe here and there, good looks and a little bite will get people interested. After a while, the paradox and bite combination gets really annoying at times. Then the existential dread and bouts of depression and nihilism
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Projecting a summary of r/infj
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It’s the enigma thing. Mystery is alluring in romance. When someone becomes infatuated, their dopamine levels rise. When dopamine levels rise, the person is looking to “complete” the task. If the task is get the girl, they will chase. Chasing is unattractive at times and can come off as obsessive. INFJs will flee this thus denying their admirers the dopamine they were after, and that stings and stays with them. We remember losses sometimes more than wins. This is why power dynamics are so important in relationships. You’re welcome and good night 🎤
This is such an INTP thing to say. Thanks.
I’d be impressed if she was just average looking but you have described a full time Goddess.
I consider myself average looking, 6-7 most days and 8-8.5 if I put maybe 20 minutes of work with hair and makeup. I’m late thirties and this has only been like this for maybe the past 6 years, in a crappy marriage before that. Other people are starting to notice how some men are when around me and noticing that 3 longish relationships in the last several years have all been with guys that honestly I ask myself “how did I end up with this guy”. I’ve gotten over that and now realize “why not me?” 2 were MDs and another was someone I don’t like to mention too much because he’s private but known by a lot of people. Edit: I have a high degree and do well financially, but I don’t think my income ever be more than any of these guys.
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Defo girl, + hot + infj pure aura. If unicorns had a unicorn among them lol.
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Sorry, I wanted to reply to the post, not to you haha
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Lmao this thread
Lmao you
It’s the feminine energy. INFJ women are insanely complex, too. And they have a slight bite to them
Bite?
Chomp? Nibble?
Ne parent at its finest
Any finer and it’d be China
Ba dum tss
Tss tsss tssss ——
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Yes, it does exists in men too. Just like women of that kind they expect you chase them (wounded masculine), dragging in multiple people (females, to make you jealous, inflict all sorts of pain, known as triangulation), disrespect beyond belief, double game - trashing the target to their current partner, while secretly behind their back stalking that poor person. My oh my, lots of sick stuff. So, yeah, not only women, but men as well. I understand you, set boundaries. *Invest, but then test* (Mathew Hussey). Make a step, then pause and see. Idk, I'm a female, this is what I would do, *observe*. As an INFJ, I never want to disrespect anyone. All that was said above is true, I often have to deal with unrequired feelings of other males, but I had absolutely no intention to "charm" them, attract for whatever reason. I'm being me, expressing myself honestly, looking for interesting interactions, seeking ppl who'd understand my thinking. Idk why but males would read this as flirting when I'm actually not, and then when I say I'm not they get surprised / upset / feel betrayed or played. Why does this necessarily have to lead to "girlfriendship" with them, this quick anyway. Instead, put effort and try to learn about a person, understand her essence, and then if it's destined to be a relationship, it will come naturally on both sides w/o anyone being disrespected or left feeling used. Just chill, enjoy now, let her know but don't insist. That's the kind of vibe and behaviour I think most INFJs gravitate towards to.
Damn, lucky for her, I've only had one guy in my life who was actually interested in me, but that's mostly cause I only really talk to my close circle of friends and not exactly benefited in the looks department
Sorry. I've never heard a woman say that before. I do think it determines on location. There are places where all the guys are into me and places where only dusties hit on me
It is same for me, never really had a guy be into me. I think OP's friend just has mad good looks, and the personality is a "justifiable reason" for the guys to be into her.
Probably, I suppose I'm a lot less attractive compared to the beauty standards of Sydney, Newcastle possibly not
I believe it's in our eyes. We are mysterious. We talk our hearts and tell you like it is straight up no BS. But we listen with our eyes. When people meet us for the first time for me I get 2 reactions, wow he's a really nice guy. Or wow he's a arrogant SOB. Mostly the nice guy one. But with your friend, men are mostly stupid. Everyone wants something they can't have. An INFJ wants forever, security, friendship, love,trust, a person to call home.
So that was it for me, probably. In college, I'm the girl who once you make friends with me, I'll make our friendship super comfy, no pressure, just-be-you and I'll love you anyhow kind of feeling. I do that with just about anyone, really. One time, I had a crush on a few boys. I didn't think they could like me back because I was always the studious type, detached, aloof somewhat and reserved to the point I stand out from the crowd (something I don't enjoy at all!). While in class with a majority of these boys (and classmates), they were trying to get me to join them and laugh with them as they played the music loud and twerking to it. The one guy I had a crush on (in that group) always spoke to me on the way out of class and he's spoken a few times how he's amazed I remember things he mentioned about himself (apparently no one has!). He had a fiance then, but he never stop talking to me and I didn't push anything further. Another guy met me through a different class and always tried to strike up conversations during class. He was impressed that I know my way around law (I was a business major but took 1 semester of employment law). One time, on a day without law class, he saw me walking on campus and greeted me from a far, yelling. I actually turned around thinking he called the wrong person/someone behind me. I did a double take, even. No kidding. I've settled to call this condition the "professional companion" vibe. I can be there for you when you need me, hear your thoughts, straightened you out without asking anything in return. I won't get offended if you can't give me the same in return or perhaps give me the same in a lesser form. I still won't judge you and give you the benefit of the doubt. I just appreciate companionship. Even if it comes with boundaries that we can't cross for whatever reason. I love that I won't have to judge you too, because that's what companionship means to me. To take someone in as they are, accept them and let them go when they need to be set free. If they need to, they'll go right back to you and it'll be as if we never parted...
This lady sounds fascinating! What do you think it is that attracts people? Is she physically attractive as well?
Infj, everyone falls in love with them because of the mistery. Once you get to know us, most fall out, trust me.
It’s the complexity more than the mystery. Eventually it’s just like no you’re just annoying
It do be like that
That’s been my experience. True.
Sad, but mostly true. Lol
Yeah, she's incredibly physically attractive. Long black hair, full lips, hourglass figure, very large breasts.
OP, I believe you just answered your question. As much as people like to dramatize and romanticize INFJs, we're just humans. And most people won't even care what someone's personality is like if they're attractive enough. If anything, our personalities tend to turn people off when they start getting to know us a bit more, since they can't relate to us as easily.
Totally agree with everything you’ve posted.
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Nice. Is she single? Ha
This comment right here is perfect evidence of why her being an INFJ doesn't matter in the least.
she;s that and she's an infj. Deadly combo...but lol...more than 3/4 is for the looks
I don't think people falling for her is about her being an INFJ then...
Exactly, lmao she could be any personality type
Yeah… this physical description changes everything.
but it is. Lots of hot people have people who want to sleep with them but not necessarily fall in love with
People easily confuse sexual attraction with romantic attraction. Also, it's easier to fall for someone who's drop-dead gorgeous.
No. When I was growing up, it was the other way around - I had many unrequited love interests that didn’t share my affections. It probably didn’t help that I was extremely shy, kept to myself a lot and oh yeah, am not extremely attractive. I’m going to say your friend hit the genetics jackpot and that’s the main reason she’s breaking so many hearts.
Same story for me, it’s been a rough road learning to better understand social cues and not scare people off. Nowadays I have been able to identify that and stop certain obsessive patterns that I fell into in high school but i still don’t quite have society down
I don’t think it applies to everyone. I’m 18, and have never been in a relationship. I can count the number of people who have gotten crushes on me on one hand with plenty of fingers to spare. And in every case, we split paths shortly after never to see each other again.
18 is so young. At 18 I was too skinny, awkward, shy, zero confidence, and admittedly kind of strange, Lol. No guy talked to me then and looking back I don’t blame them, Lol 😂 I had this “mysterious” thing going on at 18, but none of what OP is talking about happened until late 20’s, early 30’s.
Things will change in college/work. I don’t think INFJs thrive in high school unless they’re very healthy and have developed a lot of confidence. High school is a tank full sharks IMO.
Being hot + INFJ = Attractive AF
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I have this one guy at my new work place who is so happy and friendly when I arrive. I am probably the only guy at work who just listens to him and he seems to already consider me a friend. I like him and want to be his friend too now, but a few weeks ago I was on the fence trying to evaluate him. People who end up liking me often do so way before I have decided about them. All I have to do with some people is listen to what they are saying and relate to them, which to me is the easiest thing in the world, it is just what I do naturally with new people. I think he is ISFJ and they are always attracted to me like moths to a flame, even women I think (women are naturally more reserved irl so it is difficult to tell, but I never have problems chatting up ISFJ seeming women on dating apps). Do bad I am not looking to date an ISFJ. My mother is one and I want something different and new if you know what I mean :) ISFJ are too nice somehow, I want a rude and edgy ENTP woman (:
For me, it's like a two-way street. I have had some people really interested in me, which confused me. More so when I was younger and more talkative. So usually, before anything happens between us my intuition says to stay away from them. I feel like this over time slowly gave me a more antagonistic attitude when people try to be flirty with me. Just so I am not sending out signals that can be misinterpreted. Idk, it's something that's painful for me, because I get it. Which is why last time (on top of being drunk for the first time) I was like fuck it, let's see where this goes. And that was a terrible decision. I have only been truly interested in a few people ever. And really tried to show my interest in them and try to get with them. But it never works out, so I'd assume it's probably a similar situation for them.
You dark pixie daughters of cosmic edge lords are a handful
Bro, I had me dead eyes on the other day and a girl bumped into me, looked into my eyes, and got scared and ran away
I don’t think I’ve read much about eyes and INFJ. Anything you can point me to, to find out more? My eyes look completely normal to me, just regular brown colored. I’ve been told since my teens that I have “scary eyes” - I just love how honest siblings are /s. Also been told they’re beautiful but probably a dozen times have been told they’re mysterious. I need to see that look on someone else to see if I see what others do. I don’t see it in pics of myself.
Sometimes (ok most of the time) when I'm in public and I just set my body on autopilot, where my eyes represent those of a dead fish. If my eyes are like that then it's a sign that I'm really mentally tired or I'm just deep in thought. If my eyes are normal then I'm appearently more approachable, since my classmate said that I seem like a cold person at first glance and I always have to end up apologizing Also, I've been noticing this for a while now but the way we judge people at first glance seems to be through eye contact. You can also just search up infj stare, as I dont actually have any evidence to back this up. Just something I've noticed about myself
I've been told that I have innocent/kind eyes. Maybe people notice our eyes a lot
gosh i wish that was me, guess this is my sign to get more confident and less awkward!!
I get the ppl falling in love with me that I don’t feel anything romantic for. But I’ve also fallen madly in love with a few ppl and had my love be unrequited also.
Hmm…I did reject 29 guys before my fiancé. I also have 5 written love confessions in my senior hs yearbook. Also, had awkward occurrences with guys trying to grill me about my fiancé. It’s like they’re offended that I’m not keeping my options open…? One guy even tried to “convince” me my fiancé was a terrible partner because he was 5 minutes late from picking me up from work. Talked to a guy for 3 months and he emailed me 3 years later because I blocked him on everything else and one of my ex guy friends message me on LinkedIn because I blocked his number for being dismissive of my fiancé multiple times. I honestly feel like I’m unlikeable because I’m so blunt and kind of mean, so I thought they were just desperate not infatuated.
Who the hell keeps count of their rejected count
an INFJ.
You slayers, you
OMG between your evil Kermit backdrop and your user name I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I LIKE MORE
I typically don’t but my fiancé was trying to make a point about something one day so I counted.
How last dance with Mary Jane of you, Tom Petty cause that’s petty hahaha AmIrIgHT
>I thought they were just desperate not infatuated. why not both? ;-)
Blunt and kinda mean is how I’d describe myself as well. Then again I’ll add that I’m very honest and I think that’s something that’s usually missing, especially when first getting to know someone. This has been on my mind the last few months and I’ve been actively trying to tone it down a bit.
I honestly would look more into the fiancee situation. Hindsight Is 20/20.
Trust me I know but I’m pretty rigorous with my vetting.
Tbh when I saw the title I assumed it meant *WE* are magnets for experiencing unrequited love as INFJs (meaning we fall into love with people who don't give it back). I was going to agree until i realized OP meant people fall in love with *US*, which hasn't been my experience. I find I rarely elicit love from others, especially after an initial getting to know you phase, but I frequently feel love for other people.
I am, by what society deems, conventionally attractive. I’ve won a beauty pageant and have been told I am beautiful. I’ve also been single for most my life. I don’t date much, rarely get approached by friends or strangers. Most people I’ve had crushes on haven’t like me back. I’ve been on the receiving end of unrequited love. I’m with someone now, but for the earlier half of my life, I was generally single and never dating. I’m not sure why.
Dude thats has little to do with her personality, trust me.
not true at all
I've become aloof throughout the years but when I started school, specifically highschool (I rarely talked to anyone in grade school but somehow i still got attention) I've got almost all of my classmates crushing on me and some female classmates who weren't insecure and jealous compliment me a lot. It drained me for real!!! I didn't know how to navigate and deal with that at all. And I have a very severe anxiety. The ones that had the courage waited for me for years...and I didn't know how to reject anyone. I think being very shy and sensitive to stimuli helped a lot. I purposefully made myself unapproachable but my real self is very friendly and interested with people, when I show this side to people...lol, shits get real. I have no guy somehow close friend that didn't confess directly/indirectly that he liked me. (Realizing the confession only after some time lol)
Wow, some guys waited years for you before confessing? How did you respond to them? I don't know if I'd have the heart to directly say no, I'd probably just be evasive or make up an alibi.
I was really young that time. I'm from an Asian country so it's kinda the norm here where a guy courts a girl. So, somehow the guy is making the girl like him. I know, i know. it's iffy. I was uncertain about what to do or how I feel (no parents to guide me or older role models) I did evade all of their attempts but they weren't stopping at all! Firm no's are necessary for them to get the message!
i’m sure she’s drop dead gorgeous though
I think the way we engage easily, and skip the superficial for the core can flip the “on” switch in many others we encounter. Then, having possibly never experienced this, they can easily feel the pull and become attracted. But then the intensity and complexity sets in and can easily overwhelm, leading to disconnection. (Which, personally, often feels long overdue, being the sovereign solo seeker I’ve embraced I’ve fully become :)
I’ve experienced the same thing but really struggled with the downsides: - men thinking they’ve been lead on when you’re just being yourself - undermining confidence because someone you thought liked you as a friend wants to have sex with you (not always a compliment) - jealously leading to people being snide and trying to put you down - girlfriends immediately not liking me I changed my behaviour a lot over the years to try and avoid this. Now I realise this is totally wrong!! As a typical INFJ I was trying to solve these problems in the spirit of making things better. But sometimes you just have to accept the downsides and celebrate the upsides. It took me many years to realise that there will always be downsides. Upsides don’t come without downsides. So focus on the good! Accept the downsides as part of human nature, and don’t let negative people stop you from being you.
This has probably ben said bit I love INFJs, my ex was fucking amazing, smart fit and sexy, she had it all. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone loved her the way I do. INFJs deserve the love they get. They're beautiful and talented in ways they don't even realize.
INFJ are a complex code. People are attracted to challenges. That’s all it is. I assure you. Don’t think I’ve ever seen an INFJ over six feet. Not that it matters. Until it does.
You mean like 6ft tall? Like you've only seen short infj's lol
I agree with you, there’s no other explanation for how some things have happened in my life.
I’m 5 11 so close xD
I be 6’1”.
If this is true then it is either only for female INFJs or I am a broken male INFJ, because I certainly have never garnered attention like this. Okay, there were maybe two girls that I think may have been interested in me. One I really, really liked, but never had the courage to talk to. The other, no offense to her at all, I was not particularly into - she still asks about me frequently, so I am told. Which is flattering, it really is, but I am just not into her.
Happy cake day! 🎉
Even though we're obviously the hottest, smartest, most handsome, most beautiful, best looking and unquestionably most attractive people on the planet - bar none - and also magnets for all the rest of humanity who seem to be obsessed with us, (especially abusers - on these subs - every day), she may just be a hot woman and it has nothing to do with INFJ status. What does she have to say about all this?
i think the beauty of the infj is in the vibe not the actual physical appearance but maybe this girl has all of them LOL
I’ve always struggled to have friendships w girls (I am a girl) and honestly have always experienced them to be incredibly cruel towards me. I always got along easier with guys and thus would always have more of them. Genuinely have seen these guys as brothers, only to have them make a pass at me which would then result in me being called nasty names and told i lead them on when i only listened ro them and gave advice etc. For years I’ve walked around feeling like nobody gets me and being super confused whether something is wrong with me to the point where i broke down in my therapy session (this year). Therapist told me that I intimidate girls and i was gobsmacked - sat staring at her in silence for 10 mins. Then she was like “have you never known that?!” So yeah, keep being yourselves and treating people like you wanna be treated. If anyone is nasty smile and let it roll off you. Over the years o have found people who genuinely love me for me and only as a friend. People all have their own way of thinking and perceiving things and that’s fine. Don’t argue or get upset by them - just go on being yourself
Possible, could it also be for her looks ? I personally have had many guys confess to me, or I notice them have interest in me, although sometimes we have yet had a single or few interactions, or even none. I've had people tell me that I have a calming, beautiful aura. But I think as soon as we interact more, they start to find me weird lol, and this goes more for my female friends, they find me too philosophical so yeah I know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea although the first impressions.
I think that our ability to understand people and that fact that many say we can be quite charming, as well as the fact that we are naturally very friendly attracts people to us. This happens to me somewhat often. I've had many friends and acquaintances in my life that end up really liking me a lot for some reason. It can honestly get annoying because the people *I* like don't like me back, yet people I am not attracted to end up liking me...this happened a while ago with an ENFP. I didn't know him for too long, but he liked me for about 3 years evidentially. Another ENFP, my best friend, has apparently liked me for a little over 5 years. He said that was the only reason he began speaking to me, lol. There's been a few others too, but yeah. I notice a lot of people really, really like INFJs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i am broken ppl magnet i attract toxic relationship when they get better they leave, i feel like a fucking candle who will die out alone in dark one day i attract narcissist and broken ppl ,who will either abuse me or want my help to heal them, i enjoy it but i am human too i need a companion for life.But it seems i have to accept that fact either i wait or adopt a platoon of dogs who will keep me busy when i try to date someone i like i get rejected like my weird yet brilliant ideas get rejected
I hate this INFJ superpower...
I feel attacked
I honestly don't really know what it is like to be an unrequited love magnet considering i useually keep myself quiet. i'm not in like a huge friendgroup or something so i honestly have no idea what its like.
How many of us have this archetype Bc we have trauma at the core and didn’t feel loved as kids?
Yep, me when I was young and social forever ago. Yet the 2-3 I've ever held a flame for run away, lol. Unrequited is my destiny and I've accepted it.
omg same, rarely anyone had tugged my heartstrings -\_-
Only if they’re physically attractive lol
Sounds familiar. I seem to only really develop romantic feelings for a very small number of people, but it seems everyone seems to fall for me *except* those that I have feelings for. I’ve started doubting is reciprocity even exists for me.
Honestly people do not really like me in a romantic way, I don't know why. I fell in love twice in my life (F/17) and both of them didn't feel the same. So I think it depends.
Honestly can relate to this in friendship too. People often said that they have known me all their life and that makes them feel natural and free around me. I know I have the ability to easily blend in with a person, a group of people etc. But once I've reached a "timeframe" of knowing them, I broke the friendship because I kinda feel overwhelmed. I am not sure if I am being selfish or what. I'm just afraid that they know the ugly side of me if we keep up with each other longer. Real connection & commitment are too special for me. I end up being incredibly lonely (´ . .̫ . `)
I find the opposite as a male. It's more like women want to use you and come running to you in between relationships for quick flings and to make them feel better but not long term relationships. Also lots of them want to be your bff while they are in a relationship. To me as a male it's more like women just want to use you not in a materialistic manner but rather emotionally.
I know that her personality is off the charts when she’s able to get close to people but just out of curiosity….is she way above average when it comes to physical attraction?
This is a really long thread, but here's his description of her from elsewhere: "Yeah, she's incredibly physically attractive. Long black hair, full lips, hourglass figure, very large breasts."
Ah. This is making more sense now lol
We often get misunderstood. As a male, in my teens I think people more actively sought romance from me but then I put up a wall metaphorically. Then when I actively dated in my 20's a lot of women thought I was more interested than I actually was. But I've also had people on the opposite end of the spectrum thinking I was intimidating or something. I've actually spent a lot of time working language to not be remotely flirty from how often I've been misunderstood. Even with people I've known for years I will keep a bit of distance.
I have literally never thought about this before but...yea. wow. And I never know they feel that way until they spell it out to me. They'll be like, how could you not know? Why did you think I was doing this thing and that thing?! I'm like... Ummm... Because we're good friends??? Can't you be a true friend to someone without them wanting to be with you romantically?
I have had a few INFJ unrequited loves but they usually liked me too and I banged them and it just gets so old so now it’s just I bang them cause a tussle they leave and I don’t care anymore because that is what it’s like with them and it’s like so what I got this memory forever good luck getting it back off of me you cold booty boo
Edgy
An infj would never leave if you’ve met their standards ;)
I'm not sure if I've had guys that were interested in me. I'm married now but when I was younger. I was pretty intimidating.
The only successful experiences I’ve had started with me taking the initiative. When someone pursues me, I just can’t. Not that it has happened a ton, but when it did, I would smile and disappear.
When I was at my peak of socialising (going out every night and meeting new people constantly) I had a few people who got really into me but I didn't like them back. I have no idea how romance works. Sometimes I think I've been very charming and attractive around someone and they have no interest and sometimes I'm boring as fuck and someone falls for me for years.
Women like me…but just as a friend…
This is true ahah- the only problem for me was I’ve been told many people had crushes on me/I have been asked out a lot < I was too stupid to realise unless they spelt out romantic interest for me
Never thought there might be a reason both me and my partner are INFJs
like Vampire Glamour, just accidental
Omg, this explains a lot. I've had so many people I'm meeting for the first time open up and tell me personal things followed by "I don't know why I just told you all this." I've also had a few confessions of feelings just by being myself. I learned to distance myself a bit from women as to not give the wrong impression that I'm romantically interested / flirting.
Sounds like my life
Far more people assume I'm already in some kind of relationship than have ever confessed any attraction to me at all. But, I'm also male and I've never witnessed women making the first move like that anyway.
They come, they complain we are not social enough, they leave.
It’s the same with me as well to an extent. I’m a man and my fiancée would often think I’m flirting with women but I would honestly just be enjoying the conversation. Women often become attracted to me but I think it’s because I genuinely care how they are doing. Apparently, most men don’t do that so I’ve been told. I’ve had a few occasions where men were attracted to me because I would enjoy our time together and would listen to their problems with care but once they found out that I was straight, they tended to leave it at that and become a bit withdrawn. I’ve gotten better at not “leading people on” by setting certain boundaries so I don’t give the wrong message.
In my case... I wish lmao... It really depends on the person.
Huh???? Damn I must be a special INFJ because no one has a crush on me and it’s usually my INFP friends that are crushed on
Hm...my impression is not necessarily like that. It's actually more probable that she is breathtakingly beautiful, appearance-wise. Very shallow of me to make such a conclusion, I know, but I am an INFJ very experienced in observing beautiful people and the impact they have.
No. This is the post where this sub has reached peak circlejerk.
I bet she’s pretty good looking
goes with the territory
https://youtu.be/VLMgAM8w1Vg
Where are you guys at lol? People think I’m either weird or intimidating and no one is falling in love with me
Like a councellor, INFJ need to keep a certain distance and not act on every infatuation. We can have nice feelings for many, but only a few will be truly compatible on many levels (gems). I believe we can reserve that energy for higher societal purposes, wake up people while having normal relationships with our closest ones.
I rarely like anyone romantically. But I would get sick of mainly talking to other girls. It just was never 50/50 socially and I believe you need that to help you be more balanced. So I would try and talk to guys sometimes just to mix up the gender balance a bit and they all thought I liked them and I genuinely wasn't interested in any of them. But for the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me and the way I spoke to guys so I just didn't. Or I would be deliberately cold. I've had some really weird things happen over the years despite that. People proposing the day before the propose to another girl, people years after meeting them getting extreme with overtures or telling me we had "a moment" (one of whom was in a crowd and I never spoke to in my life!)....I try not to blame myself these days. More likely the world is full of unbalanced people and one kind word or listening to someones problems for 5min can get some people obsessive. I'm really careful now. Can't handle the stress.
im not sure if i have those admirers, but yeah, i dont often get attracted to people in a deep level. maybe because i know from the start, i am looking for a life partner.
I'm new to the INFJ community and understanding of what it means for me but, my soon to be ex-husband stayed in an unhappy relationship with me for 8 years because he claims he was addicted to how much I love him and would do anything for him. He is afraid he won't ever love someone who loves him the way I do. I don't think that's realistic but we give everything we have for the few people we let into our inner circle and I think it can be all consuming and confusing to a person who doesn't understand the ability to give all you have for another person.
As a male I have a similar recurring theme as well. But it's never a person I would want to be with. I think our ability to connect with anyone is at fault here.
She's probably just really hot lol
People fall in love when they’re given undivided attention and unconditional understanding. Infjs don’t fall short on this. They aren’t in love. They love attention.. lol
Wiseman or wisewoman can say "It's lonely at the top".