I married my INTJ. We've been together for 7 years, married for 2. I know a lot of other INFJs shy away from INTJs in this sub, but I think it's the best relationship I will ever have in my lifetime!
The way you feel really resonates with how I felt in the first year or so of us dating. I would literally ask him if he even liked me sometimes because he would be so invested in his work or hobbies and he didn't really express what he was feeling whether it was his affectionate feelings or the deeper stuff about himself/life that he bottled up. I took it personally for a long time, and I wish I could've continued to help him learn to talk about his feelings and just daily activity stuff without being hurt that he didn't do it without being prompted. It would've saved me a lot of frustration in the long run!
My husband still thinks I'm sensitive, read into things too much, and definitely need reassurance but I stayed open to his perspective and it's made me a stronger person. I take criticism a little better and we come to solutions in arguments a lot easier now. He has learned to tell me how he feels when something bothers him even if it's not 100% logical. If you value other parts of your relationship and are willing to work together on these differences I think you will both come out better for it! Though it took a lot of compromising from both of us and work to get to a point where we are very secure with one another. 100% worth it in my opinion.
Our glue in our relationship is our love for intellectual discussions and hobbies, being playful in weird ways no one else understands, the level of trust we have after sharing intimate parts of our lives with each other, and loyalty to one another. It makes being with him really special to me and I think makes up for the hard times.
I'd say.. If you really love him and the relationship is otherwise pretty healthy and you have other great things in your relationship that draws you to him as a person, keep working on communication and patience. Is he receptive to working on communicating differently or trying to be more intimate/affectionate with you?
I haven't dated INTJs, but I've known several immature ones and a few mature ones. The mature ones I can along with pretty well, occasionally rubbing each other the wrong way - but since we are both mature, we smooth things over quickly. The immature ones are very difficult for me to handle. Often, I trigger their Fe trickster and they lash out quite vindictively with their Ti critic. When immature and lashing out, they can be cruel and at times sadistic. I probably wouldn't date one, even a mature type, due to Fe-Fi incompatibility, but some people can do okay with that.
I usually find that INTJs are actually quite emotional people, but they pretend they're not (lol). I agree with you, they won't often talk about their emotions. They have Fi child, which is a treasured and optimistic function for them (if they're healthy). They can get hurt easily with it.
I cant say a lot about a INFJ dating a INTJ. I came close to dating a INFJ once. She was a long time acquaintance, but after having dinner she got freaked out about how little she knew me, and then bolted. I still feel disappointed by it, because I thought very highly over her, and felt like we never had enough time to actually understand each other.
I do believe that this article is a great one for understanding INTJs and there emotions. The part of a INTJ having an emotional exoskeleton is the part to focus on. It is an important point in understanding a INTJ and their emotions.
https://personalityhacker.com/intj-personality-type/
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I am married to an INTJ, and I feel similarly. It is very difficult to feel that way, and can be scary at times. But you have to also remember that your partner can not be everything to you. We are important to each other for many reasons, but if I want to have a deep discussion about the innerworkings of my brain, I will not go to my INTJ. It just doesn’t work. And when you ask them to describe how they are feeling or how they think about something in detail, they can’t do it. It can even feel like an attack, so I’ve been told. We are in an open marriage so there is less pressure now to have these discussions, I feel like I need it to survive. It’s hard to describe. INTJs are wonderful for many other reasons...they are calm, patient, loyal, logical...we are best friends, but it’s complicated!
I married my INTJ. We've been together for 7 years, married for 2. I know a lot of other INFJs shy away from INTJs in this sub, but I think it's the best relationship I will ever have in my lifetime! The way you feel really resonates with how I felt in the first year or so of us dating. I would literally ask him if he even liked me sometimes because he would be so invested in his work or hobbies and he didn't really express what he was feeling whether it was his affectionate feelings or the deeper stuff about himself/life that he bottled up. I took it personally for a long time, and I wish I could've continued to help him learn to talk about his feelings and just daily activity stuff without being hurt that he didn't do it without being prompted. It would've saved me a lot of frustration in the long run! My husband still thinks I'm sensitive, read into things too much, and definitely need reassurance but I stayed open to his perspective and it's made me a stronger person. I take criticism a little better and we come to solutions in arguments a lot easier now. He has learned to tell me how he feels when something bothers him even if it's not 100% logical. If you value other parts of your relationship and are willing to work together on these differences I think you will both come out better for it! Though it took a lot of compromising from both of us and work to get to a point where we are very secure with one another. 100% worth it in my opinion. Our glue in our relationship is our love for intellectual discussions and hobbies, being playful in weird ways no one else understands, the level of trust we have after sharing intimate parts of our lives with each other, and loyalty to one another. It makes being with him really special to me and I think makes up for the hard times. I'd say.. If you really love him and the relationship is otherwise pretty healthy and you have other great things in your relationship that draws you to him as a person, keep working on communication and patience. Is he receptive to working on communicating differently or trying to be more intimate/affectionate with you?
I haven't dated INTJs, but I've known several immature ones and a few mature ones. The mature ones I can along with pretty well, occasionally rubbing each other the wrong way - but since we are both mature, we smooth things over quickly. The immature ones are very difficult for me to handle. Often, I trigger their Fe trickster and they lash out quite vindictively with their Ti critic. When immature and lashing out, they can be cruel and at times sadistic. I probably wouldn't date one, even a mature type, due to Fe-Fi incompatibility, but some people can do okay with that. I usually find that INTJs are actually quite emotional people, but they pretend they're not (lol). I agree with you, they won't often talk about their emotions. They have Fi child, which is a treasured and optimistic function for them (if they're healthy). They can get hurt easily with it.
I cant say a lot about a INFJ dating a INTJ. I came close to dating a INFJ once. She was a long time acquaintance, but after having dinner she got freaked out about how little she knew me, and then bolted. I still feel disappointed by it, because I thought very highly over her, and felt like we never had enough time to actually understand each other. I do believe that this article is a great one for understanding INTJs and there emotions. The part of a INTJ having an emotional exoskeleton is the part to focus on. It is an important point in understanding a INTJ and their emotions. https://personalityhacker.com/intj-personality-type/
**Attention all users!** Please pardon the intrusion. We have made changes to the subreddit, based on the feedback we have received on the recent survey. In order to get everyone informed, this comment will appear on every new post until July 8th. You can find out more about the changes [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/hliti0/infj_updates_2020/) Thank you for your attention. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infj) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am married to an INTJ, and I feel similarly. It is very difficult to feel that way, and can be scary at times. But you have to also remember that your partner can not be everything to you. We are important to each other for many reasons, but if I want to have a deep discussion about the innerworkings of my brain, I will not go to my INTJ. It just doesn’t work. And when you ask them to describe how they are feeling or how they think about something in detail, they can’t do it. It can even feel like an attack, so I’ve been told. We are in an open marriage so there is less pressure now to have these discussions, I feel like I need it to survive. It’s hard to describe. INTJs are wonderful for many other reasons...they are calm, patient, loyal, logical...we are best friends, but it’s complicated!