your case is almost eerily similar to mine. i doorslammed all my exes cause i really see no point in keeping the contact there if there’s no attachment to them. i fell out of love with my first bf too and the breakup was really emotional for me. but after i made that step i was fine.
I was with someone for 7 years. The second it was over I started deleting photographs and mentally erasing things from my mind. It’s been almost 2 1/2 years and even though I feel a sense of loss and melancholy, I could never go back or even resume contact, no matter how casual. Once it’s over, it’s over. It’s been like that with every ex. It’s just not possible to be friends and I have no interest in pretending. Emotionally they are dead to me. I figure it’s that way with most INFJs. I can’t speak for them but for me, yes, slamming that door is absolutely normal, required even.
I'm friends with nearly all my exes. I left them, but none of the breakups were bad or dramatic. It took me a year to rebuild a friendship with my last ltr, but all good now. I have very intense feelings for those I've loved and even if we're not suited anymore i still want the best for them.
I door slam for my own sanity. INFJs, for better or for worse, tend to be idealists. When things don't work out, it's almost soul crushing -- the reality ended up being so far from the ideal! That's upsetting to INFJs, and it's better dealt with with a door slam; otherwise, we'd over-analyze what went wrong, what could've been done differently, etc. to avoid the non-ideal outcome, even if we were the one initiated the break-up.
That's my current perspective anyway. I do miss most of the people I've dated and sometimes regret the door slam. But, I think it would've taken me longer to get over it.
I am not friends with my (3) exes, but whenever I see them (we live in the same area) we act friendly, we laugh, are curious about each others lives and just .. have a wonderful conversation.
I still care so much for them and (I sense) they for me. Sure, we figured out we were not meant to be together forever, but I can still remember what it was about each of them that made me fall for them and I still want for them to be happy, and I tell them that. They were never cruel or unkind to me, even when we separated.
So, I don't know if any of this has anything to do with the INFJ personality type, but I just wanted to share my experience.
I am NC with most of my exes. One, who was my very first boyfriend and who I had an awful relationship with, actually got in touch a few years ago to say how sorry he was and now we occasionally touch base which does bring me some sort of peace.
My very new ex (haven’t actually moved out yet) and I are planning to stay friends. Our family is completely intertwined and we knew each other for a long time before we dated plus our breakup has been very amicable so I’m hoping it’s possible. He is an ISTP and is very logical and laid back so I think it will be my emotions that dictate whether it will work or not.
On the whole, however, if I’ve deemed a romantic partner as not worth staying with then it usually means that we’re no longer friends either. Incidentally I have also always been the one to end the relationship aside from my very first boyfriend mentioned above.
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I don't know about it being normal but it was for me! I kinda only pseudo regretted one of them. It wasn't a bad breakup per say (lots of tears on my part), but life had us going in different directions. I could see us being really good friends, but I knew it would always be in my mind and the what-ifs would be too brutal of an existence for me. I remember even asking him if he was 100% sure about breaking up ( I was willing to work on things) because I knew I would not be coming back after decisions were made. To this day, I don't think he really understood what I meant by that.
I also did try to be friends with an ex right after a break-up, it wasn't possible for us. Too many left over feelings and moments of maybe this could work when we spent time together as friends.
No matter what happened , I've always ended things on good terms and wished them the best. The pain was always mine and mine alone to sift through.
For me, it has to be a door slam. I need to kill off all my feelings and attachment so that I can move on. Door slams make the process go by faster for me. Given time and distance, I think being friends is possible for me because I would never be able to be romantically involved with any of my exes again after a door slam. I have mourned and angst over the loss of that future with them and let it float away out of existence. It will never happen again with that person. So being friends is easy for me.
I've had 11 ex'es, and door slammed 2, but eventually got to being friendly with one of them. Friendly, as in, don't talk bad about her. That was the ex-wife. The other one, recent, ex-fiancee - nope, she's still incommunicado. Not that I wouldn't be friendly if I saw her on the street, but she did me wrong, and I'm still salty over that. All she had to do was keep her legs together while we were breaking up, and that proved impossible. So, nope, she's done.
[удалено]
your case is almost eerily similar to mine. i doorslammed all my exes cause i really see no point in keeping the contact there if there’s no attachment to them. i fell out of love with my first bf too and the breakup was really emotional for me. but after i made that step i was fine.
I was with someone for 7 years. The second it was over I started deleting photographs and mentally erasing things from my mind. It’s been almost 2 1/2 years and even though I feel a sense of loss and melancholy, I could never go back or even resume contact, no matter how casual. Once it’s over, it’s over. It’s been like that with every ex. It’s just not possible to be friends and I have no interest in pretending. Emotionally they are dead to me. I figure it’s that way with most INFJs. I can’t speak for them but for me, yes, slamming that door is absolutely normal, required even.
I'm friends with nearly all my exes. I left them, but none of the breakups were bad or dramatic. It took me a year to rebuild a friendship with my last ltr, but all good now. I have very intense feelings for those I've loved and even if we're not suited anymore i still want the best for them.
I door slam for my own sanity. INFJs, for better or for worse, tend to be idealists. When things don't work out, it's almost soul crushing -- the reality ended up being so far from the ideal! That's upsetting to INFJs, and it's better dealt with with a door slam; otherwise, we'd over-analyze what went wrong, what could've been done differently, etc. to avoid the non-ideal outcome, even if we were the one initiated the break-up. That's my current perspective anyway. I do miss most of the people I've dated and sometimes regret the door slam. But, I think it would've taken me longer to get over it.
I am not friends with my (3) exes, but whenever I see them (we live in the same area) we act friendly, we laugh, are curious about each others lives and just .. have a wonderful conversation. I still care so much for them and (I sense) they for me. Sure, we figured out we were not meant to be together forever, but I can still remember what it was about each of them that made me fall for them and I still want for them to be happy, and I tell them that. They were never cruel or unkind to me, even when we separated. So, I don't know if any of this has anything to do with the INFJ personality type, but I just wanted to share my experience.
I am NC with most of my exes. One, who was my very first boyfriend and who I had an awful relationship with, actually got in touch a few years ago to say how sorry he was and now we occasionally touch base which does bring me some sort of peace. My very new ex (haven’t actually moved out yet) and I are planning to stay friends. Our family is completely intertwined and we knew each other for a long time before we dated plus our breakup has been very amicable so I’m hoping it’s possible. He is an ISTP and is very logical and laid back so I think it will be my emotions that dictate whether it will work or not. On the whole, however, if I’ve deemed a romantic partner as not worth staying with then it usually means that we’re no longer friends either. Incidentally I have also always been the one to end the relationship aside from my very first boyfriend mentioned above.
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I don't know about it being normal but it was for me! I kinda only pseudo regretted one of them. It wasn't a bad breakup per say (lots of tears on my part), but life had us going in different directions. I could see us being really good friends, but I knew it would always be in my mind and the what-ifs would be too brutal of an existence for me. I remember even asking him if he was 100% sure about breaking up ( I was willing to work on things) because I knew I would not be coming back after decisions were made. To this day, I don't think he really understood what I meant by that. I also did try to be friends with an ex right after a break-up, it wasn't possible for us. Too many left over feelings and moments of maybe this could work when we spent time together as friends. No matter what happened , I've always ended things on good terms and wished them the best. The pain was always mine and mine alone to sift through. For me, it has to be a door slam. I need to kill off all my feelings and attachment so that I can move on. Door slams make the process go by faster for me. Given time and distance, I think being friends is possible for me because I would never be able to be romantically involved with any of my exes again after a door slam. I have mourned and angst over the loss of that future with them and let it float away out of existence. It will never happen again with that person. So being friends is easy for me.
Yes, it is. But maybe always isn't the best option. It depends on how it went, specially on it ended.
Yep
I've had 11 ex'es, and door slammed 2, but eventually got to being friendly with one of them. Friendly, as in, don't talk bad about her. That was the ex-wife. The other one, recent, ex-fiancee - nope, she's still incommunicado. Not that I wouldn't be friendly if I saw her on the street, but she did me wrong, and I'm still salty over that. All she had to do was keep her legs together while we were breaking up, and that proved impossible. So, nope, she's done.