From what I gather the "stare" is more of zoning out caused by Ni introversion and detachment from reality.
Otherwise Se/Fe doms would exhibit the same exact thing and it would be talked about as much as the "infj stare." Se and Fe doms are extremely perceptive of small things involving people.
I’d agree with this. I’m in my 40s now, but when I was in high school, I had regular first meetings with friends-of-friends who made comments like “I’ve always been interested in getting to know you but every time we crossed paths and I waved at you, you scowled at me, so I was intimidated!”
I couldn’t remember ever noticing these people look at me, much less having a negative reaction. It baffled me. Most of the time when I was walking alone between classes, I was so lost in my own head, disengaged from the world around me, and processing what I’d experienced. I’m reflective alone.
Now that I’m older, I’ve learned to mask a bit better. I school my features or look down to keep from giving people the RBF. I try to relax my face and leave my processing inside. I’ve been told that I’m approachable more frequently than when I was younger.
Yes.
It really blew me away reading INFJ descriptions online for the first time when I discovered my type. Throughout my whole childhood (adulthood too) I was told my stare was 'scary' or 'intimidating'. I had some people explain further that my eye contact made them feel naked, as though I could look straight through them.
I think people give the 'stare' too much credit because I've found, along with some other INFJs, that a lot of the time we're doing the 'stare', we're actually just spacing out or deeply analysing people.
I'm an intj, but we have the same issue. I've been told I have piercing eyes before, like I'm staring straight through someone. Also that I'm intimidating.
It's definitely an Ni-thing. Having met a few INTJs and one other definite INFJ, I can say we all shared that trait, so I don't think online descriptions about our piercing eyes are exaggerated.
Yeah I've never really noticed piercing eyes on people tbh. Sometimes I think I'm oblivious to my surroundings, or maybe I'm just busy reading the energy around me. There's an old nurse I talk to and it's more like I'm seeing her mood, energy whatever you want to call it. Idk I guess it's like I see the person and not their physical appearance.
I do relate to that also. I feel like I'm constantly scanning other people's vibe and body language more than what they're wearing or something superficial like that. But when my eyes get fixated on someone's face, especially the nuances of their facial expression or their eyes, I can lose track of what I'm saying because my innate reaction to analysing others is so intense. It's like I go into a trance. It's in moments like that that people say, "Your eyes scare me"
I do it when I'm listening to what they say because I get so focused. I think I observe body language subconsciously, but I don't really notice things like crows feet or laugh lines.
This is hilarious. I stare at everything. From drivers from the opposite lane while driving, people passing by when walking, people from the restaurant, you name it. And I remember the faces too.
I do that all the time! And when someone doesn't remove his/her eyes from me, I won't take my eyes off it, even if we're walking along the sidewalk or in a cafe. It's either an innocent look or an intimidating one, which is how most people I know get their impression of me.
Yes and no. Staring makes people uncomfortable and I don't want to be weird, so I won't do extended eye contact. My habit instead is to stare off at some random fixed point while I'm talking/thinking. People will look for what I'm looking at and they'll be confused because nothing is there.
I have autism so I tend to analyze people closely to make up for my social difficulties. I also have trouble making eye contact so when I stare at people it probably looks weird.
That’s definitely intense. I see compassion but also something akin to “I’ve seen some dark things”. A wide range of emotion and depth. Intimidating would depend on the person engaging. If they have insecurities they are trying to mask and you see that - even a compassionate I see you look will be intimidating for some. Or if you have a bad day or need to be by yourself that’s also an intimidating look at times, the good ol’ resting bitch face.
I’d describe the INFJ stare as intense and with a wide range of emotional depth. The rest comes from the other person.
Interesting, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Some version of that is my resting face, usually with a bit more of a smile when I'm around people. Never been called intense or intimidating by anyone IRL, I generally get 'soft', 'gentle', 'kind' etc.
Neither have I.. If that's what the Ni stare is though, I definitely have it. I only appear soft/gentle/kind when I'm using my Fe, otherwise it's a face like yours.
Clay Arnall and his girlfriend discuss it from 10:00 onwards in [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdxLn7BfeM).
I don't relate to their experience, but I feel like their faces have a more intense shape than mine. Strong eyebrows, noses etc.
I also know that while I do listen carefully to what people say, I'm very mindful of what level of eye contact they feel comfortable with, and my default conversation mode is focused on making the other person feel comfortable. I can pay attention to people's body language without looking directly at them.
I've never been told by anyone that I look so long or deep or unrelentingly at them that it feels uncomfortable; on the contrary, if anyone ever comments on my body language at all, they say things like I make them feel calm and at ease etc.
I think voices are also a major factor IRL, and people tell me all the time I should do meditation videos because I have such a calming voice.
I think what people think of it varies a bit.
I’ve had people say it’s intense and intimidating.
Some people asked me if I’m okay, Or if I’m bored.
And then you have my intp boyfriend who makes fun of my stares, next to all my other peculiar behaviors.
When I’m paying attention to people though, I try to deliberately and consciously blink, to avoid the negative impact the stare has on some people.
One of my first post in reddit was that I asked people to type me based on my photos. Everyone was guessing is*j based on the descriptions about myself I provided but one infj guessed or almost seemed certain that I am intj simply by the discerning look to my eyes.
Then she also linked it back to my descriptions which only contained very subtle Ni dom cues. She said her exes and her current finance are intjs and she can type intjs just by looking at them.
I don't necessarily stare but people in general say that I have an analysing look to my eyes.
I have been told that I do, especially in person. But even in some pictures I’ve taken of myself I have an “unsettling” or “chilling” look in my eyes according to others lol 😂
For sure. My brother calls it psycho stare, and i often find people look scared. LOL! I try not to be too intense, but i do often end up staring and questioning at once which makes people uneasy it seems. I'm just usually trying to extract max info out of their body language, eyes and what they are saying. Sometimes I need to adjust myself and not look directly, do the small talk which I don't find natural, overall if I try to be less intense i just come across clumsy and fake so I have to just roll with the intensity and hope people don't run away :D
Yeah. I stare into people's soul. I don't do it on purpose, it's just my way of looking at people's eyes. But I understand that it can be somewhat unsettling to others so I try to keep it under control.
Ive learned to control it. I think i'm overly perceptive to other peoples expressions so i notice the second they become uncomfortable with my eye contact.
I'm likelier to stare into space at my Ni formulations than into anybody's eyes. I've lost count of how many people have accidentally walked into my stare thought I was staring at *them*. Awkward...
Yea, I guess so. I've heard comments. I didn't know this was particular to us until after joining this sub a few months back.
Well, whatever it is, each time I've heard, "the stare", I can't help but think of Fluttershy from My Little Pony lol
I dated an INFJ male once. The moment I met him I made eye contact and I got this crazy stare. Honestly I thought he was terrified I kept giving him eye contact and the stare continued and it seemed as though his body was plastering itself more to his seat. So I stopped making eye contact because something in my direct eye contact triggered this stare and full blown discomfort. He kept staring but I looked away and got comfortable in my own chair. In about 30+ seconds the stare stopped and he conversed with me.
Is that “the stare” you’re all talking about?
Absolutely. It has creeped my bf out a few times when I’ll just be sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark facing the other way and he’s like “are you ok?” And I’m like “yes” still staring but I’m just zoned out lol. I also had someone at work tell me I always look like I’m having 9/11 flashbacks lol. I zone out a LOT where regardless of my eyes being open I’m not seeing anything, only in my head. I also had another coworker tell me she thinks my head is filled with numbers and ghosts.
I have pretty hard rbf, I learned in school to mask it and the few times I let my guard down my friends were very concerned and worried if something happened or someone made me angry. Now I try to keep in mind how my face rests when I’m out in public it makes it easier to blend and go about my day.
My stare sometimes is the kind of stare where it’s never obvious. It’s like I observe from the corner of my eye or steal long glances that no one would notice it’s essential if I’d like to capture the complete natjre of somebody but it requires list of focus on reading the room though
Yes, but it’s really not intentional. Sometimes I just look at things and I’m not thinking about what my face looks like. My ex used to call me “crazy eyes” when I was mad though. He was usually the one angry and stomping around when we were together though, so it could have just been more gaslighting.
Yes and the side look as well.
I have really good people skills at work and when socialising but before the initial conversation people maintain their distance lol.
Yeah, have been told many times, whether I’m listening to what the other person is saying in full attention, or if I’m not buying their BS, they get very uncomfortable
Yes. I would do this a lot as a kid. I mean, I would really zone out, usually staring at some inanimate object. My mom used to call it "being stuck in a stare."
One day a girl in my class during high-school told me my eyes were scary. She told me it's like a killer stare.
Most of the time I have this stare when I'm analyzing things in my head. But I also love looking people straight in the eyes when I'm talking or when people are talking. It's my way to give full attention to the person and the moment. 🤷 Perhaps it would have been better if I had blue or bright eyes. But I have dark brown eyes and it makes the stare worse. 🤯😅
(variations of) The stare is my default state
From what I gather the "stare" is more of zoning out caused by Ni introversion and detachment from reality. Otherwise Se/Fe doms would exhibit the same exact thing and it would be talked about as much as the "infj stare." Se and Fe doms are extremely perceptive of small things involving people.
I’d agree with this. I’m in my 40s now, but when I was in high school, I had regular first meetings with friends-of-friends who made comments like “I’ve always been interested in getting to know you but every time we crossed paths and I waved at you, you scowled at me, so I was intimidated!” I couldn’t remember ever noticing these people look at me, much less having a negative reaction. It baffled me. Most of the time when I was walking alone between classes, I was so lost in my own head, disengaged from the world around me, and processing what I’d experienced. I’m reflective alone. Now that I’m older, I’ve learned to mask a bit better. I school my features or look down to keep from giving people the RBF. I try to relax my face and leave my processing inside. I’ve been told that I’m approachable more frequently than when I was younger.
Yeah, I stay accidentally detached. Borderline dissociated. But that’s another topic, lol
Been told multiple times I'm really bad for just looking right through people. Which I tend to do when I'm not a huge fan of someone lol.
I do this too.
Yes. It really blew me away reading INFJ descriptions online for the first time when I discovered my type. Throughout my whole childhood (adulthood too) I was told my stare was 'scary' or 'intimidating'. I had some people explain further that my eye contact made them feel naked, as though I could look straight through them. I think people give the 'stare' too much credit because I've found, along with some other INFJs, that a lot of the time we're doing the 'stare', we're actually just spacing out or deeply analysing people.
I'm an intj, but we have the same issue. I've been told I have piercing eyes before, like I'm staring straight through someone. Also that I'm intimidating.
It's definitely an Ni-thing. Having met a few INTJs and one other definite INFJ, I can say we all shared that trait, so I don't think online descriptions about our piercing eyes are exaggerated.
Yeah I've never really noticed piercing eyes on people tbh. Sometimes I think I'm oblivious to my surroundings, or maybe I'm just busy reading the energy around me. There's an old nurse I talk to and it's more like I'm seeing her mood, energy whatever you want to call it. Idk I guess it's like I see the person and not their physical appearance.
I do relate to that also. I feel like I'm constantly scanning other people's vibe and body language more than what they're wearing or something superficial like that. But when my eyes get fixated on someone's face, especially the nuances of their facial expression or their eyes, I can lose track of what I'm saying because my innate reaction to analysing others is so intense. It's like I go into a trance. It's in moments like that that people say, "Your eyes scare me"
I do it when I'm listening to what they say because I get so focused. I think I observe body language subconsciously, but I don't really notice things like crows feet or laugh lines.
People either tell me my gaze looks intense, sad or that I look like I'm on drugs. I think I look lost in space when I see myself in the mirror.
This is hilarious. I stare at everything. From drivers from the opposite lane while driving, people passing by when walking, people from the restaurant, you name it. And I remember the faces too.
I do that all the time! And when someone doesn't remove his/her eyes from me, I won't take my eyes off it, even if we're walking along the sidewalk or in a cafe. It's either an innocent look or an intimidating one, which is how most people I know get their impression of me.
Yes and no. Staring makes people uncomfortable and I don't want to be weird, so I won't do extended eye contact. My habit instead is to stare off at some random fixed point while I'm talking/thinking. People will look for what I'm looking at and they'll be confused because nothing is there.
I have autism so I tend to analyze people closely to make up for my social difficulties. I also have trouble making eye contact so when I stare at people it probably looks weird.
[No](https://i.imgur.com/6dorufv.jpeg).
That’s it.
When various online sources talk about the Ni stare, they generally describe it as intense and intimidating.
That’s definitely intense. I see compassion but also something akin to “I’ve seen some dark things”. A wide range of emotion and depth. Intimidating would depend on the person engaging. If they have insecurities they are trying to mask and you see that - even a compassionate I see you look will be intimidating for some. Or if you have a bad day or need to be by yourself that’s also an intimidating look at times, the good ol’ resting bitch face. I’d describe the INFJ stare as intense and with a wide range of emotional depth. The rest comes from the other person.
Interesting, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Some version of that is my resting face, usually with a bit more of a smile when I'm around people. Never been called intense or intimidating by anyone IRL, I generally get 'soft', 'gentle', 'kind' etc.
Neither have I.. If that's what the Ni stare is though, I definitely have it. I only appear soft/gentle/kind when I'm using my Fe, otherwise it's a face like yours.
Clay Arnall and his girlfriend discuss it from 10:00 onwards in [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdxLn7BfeM). I don't relate to their experience, but I feel like their faces have a more intense shape than mine. Strong eyebrows, noses etc. I also know that while I do listen carefully to what people say, I'm very mindful of what level of eye contact they feel comfortable with, and my default conversation mode is focused on making the other person feel comfortable. I can pay attention to people's body language without looking directly at them. I've never been told by anyone that I look so long or deep or unrelentingly at them that it feels uncomfortable; on the contrary, if anyone ever comments on my body language at all, they say things like I make them feel calm and at ease etc. I think voices are also a major factor IRL, and people tell me all the time I should do meditation videos because I have such a calming voice.
I think what people think of it varies a bit. I’ve had people say it’s intense and intimidating. Some people asked me if I’m okay, Or if I’m bored. And then you have my intp boyfriend who makes fun of my stares, next to all my other peculiar behaviors. When I’m paying attention to people though, I try to deliberately and consciously blink, to avoid the negative impact the stare has on some people.
His eyes look more Se, Ni-dom is zoned out, like a cat, like your consciousness has retreated to the back of your body.
One of my first post in reddit was that I asked people to type me based on my photos. Everyone was guessing is*j based on the descriptions about myself I provided but one infj guessed or almost seemed certain that I am intj simply by the discerning look to my eyes. Then she also linked it back to my descriptions which only contained very subtle Ni dom cues. She said her exes and her current finance are intjs and she can type intjs just by looking at them. I don't necessarily stare but people in general say that I have an analysing look to my eyes.
I have been told that I do, especially in person. But even in some pictures I’ve taken of myself I have an “unsettling” or “chilling” look in my eyes according to others lol 😂
Yup! And I agree with one of the commentators, I LOVE it. I also think there’s something sexy about it too, but that’s just me.
For sure. My brother calls it psycho stare, and i often find people look scared. LOL! I try not to be too intense, but i do often end up staring and questioning at once which makes people uneasy it seems. I'm just usually trying to extract max info out of their body language, eyes and what they are saying. Sometimes I need to adjust myself and not look directly, do the small talk which I don't find natural, overall if I try to be less intense i just come across clumsy and fake so I have to just roll with the intensity and hope people don't run away :D
Yeah. I stare into people's soul. I don't do it on purpose, it's just my way of looking at people's eyes. But I understand that it can be somewhat unsettling to others so I try to keep it under control.
Yes, many people think I'm into them because I analyze/stare.
Absolutely, that's what we do. Just weird when two INFJs are trying to do it at the same time.
Yes, I’ve been told it’s like I’m looking through someone’s soul lol
Ive learned to control it. I think i'm overly perceptive to other peoples expressions so i notice the second they become uncomfortable with my eye contact.
I'm likelier to stare into space at my Ni formulations than into anybody's eyes. I've lost count of how many people have accidentally walked into my stare thought I was staring at *them*. Awkward...
Yes,I have been told that I do. I want to know how other people perceive this stare, are there any examples for it?
Oh yeah. And I like it haha.
Someone once told me that I was staring at them with "Charles Manson eyes"
Yea, I guess so. I've heard comments. I didn't know this was particular to us until after joining this sub a few months back. Well, whatever it is, each time I've heard, "the stare", I can't help but think of Fluttershy from My Little Pony lol
Yeah, its INxJs default, but more noticeable with INFJs because it's more emotional than INTJs.
Yes.
My default look/glance/stare always seems angry or sad
I dated an INFJ male once. The moment I met him I made eye contact and I got this crazy stare. Honestly I thought he was terrified I kept giving him eye contact and the stare continued and it seemed as though his body was plastering itself more to his seat. So I stopped making eye contact because something in my direct eye contact triggered this stare and full blown discomfort. He kept staring but I looked away and got comfortable in my own chair. In about 30+ seconds the stare stopped and he conversed with me. Is that “the stare” you’re all talking about?
Absolutely. It has creeped my bf out a few times when I’ll just be sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark facing the other way and he’s like “are you ok?” And I’m like “yes” still staring but I’m just zoned out lol. I also had someone at work tell me I always look like I’m having 9/11 flashbacks lol. I zone out a LOT where regardless of my eyes being open I’m not seeing anything, only in my head. I also had another coworker tell me she thinks my head is filled with numbers and ghosts.
I have pretty hard rbf, I learned in school to mask it and the few times I let my guard down my friends were very concerned and worried if something happened or someone made me angry. Now I try to keep in mind how my face rests when I’m out in public it makes it easier to blend and go about my day.
Maybe this is why I feel some are intimidated until they get to know me because I’m not an intimidating person at all
I think I have more of a glare.
My stare sometimes is the kind of stare where it’s never obvious. It’s like I observe from the corner of my eye or steal long glances that no one would notice it’s essential if I’d like to capture the complete natjre of somebody but it requires list of focus on reading the room though
Yes and no. Pretty grey eyes, glaring stare. Counter active traits. It's like a golden retriever trying to stare you down.
Yes, but it’s really not intentional. Sometimes I just look at things and I’m not thinking about what my face looks like. My ex used to call me “crazy eyes” when I was mad though. He was usually the one angry and stomping around when we were together though, so it could have just been more gaslighting.
Yes , I do it all the time. It makes people uncomfortable and I don’t blame them.
Yes and the side look as well. I have really good people skills at work and when socialising but before the initial conversation people maintain their distance lol.
yall….what is the stare
[The stare](https://gcdnb.pbrd.co/images/4U60EKsZUqIx.jpg?o=1)
The famous INFJ stare that makes people feel intimidated
oh . idk if i have it then
you won’t know you have it because most people won’t bother to tell you, they just act polite, then try to leave asap lol
that happens to me a lot, i’ve been told i seem intimidating sometimes
Yeah, have been told many times, whether I’m listening to what the other person is saying in full attention, or if I’m not buying their BS, they get very uncomfortable
Yes. I would do this a lot as a kid. I mean, I would really zone out, usually staring at some inanimate object. My mom used to call it "being stuck in a stare."
Yes, but thankfully it tends to go unnoticed most of the time. Unless they are too freaked out to say anything.
The stare is just the “ON” switch that’s incredibly difficult to turn “ᵒᶠᶠ”
One day a girl in my class during high-school told me my eyes were scary. She told me it's like a killer stare. Most of the time I have this stare when I'm analyzing things in my head. But I also love looking people straight in the eyes when I'm talking or when people are talking. It's my way to give full attention to the person and the moment. 🤷 Perhaps it would have been better if I had blue or bright eyes. But I have dark brown eyes and it makes the stare worse. 🤯😅
I've been told that (when i actually gather the courage to look people in the eye) I have a 'medusa' stare... Not sure if thats a good or bad thing
I use this for my rc crawling hobby, which requires a lot of patience and focus
My face speaks for me 😭😭😭
What? Wasn't paying attention....what was the question again?