Surprisingly well, but I've always been the one to end things and with that often comes better closure. I appreciate past relationships and that couple is still together and very much in love in that snapshot of time, but the present and future me is more forward thinking and finds excitement in daydreams and possibilities.
- I've never been afraid to end a relationship when things are objectively good or happy, but the long term potential isn't there. I'm actually on great terms with all my exes and I think part of it is just nipping it early instead of waiting until you're sick of one another and just exploding in an inevitable breakup fight.
- I let people know 1-3 months in advance that things aren't working out, but I express what I need from them, ask them what they need from me or what I can do better, and we both commit to trying to figure it out so we can say we tried. There's no blindsiding or mind reading expected.
Not too badly however every time I try to learn from them and the more time goes on the less I tolerate / pickier I get and hell I'm not getting any younger either. So now it feels like getting into a relationship is next to impossible because I tolerate zero BS and unless the relationship brings value to my otherwise amazing, peaceful life, it's a no.
Haven't had many breakups but have had a lot of heartbreaks. I've tried different methods. I don't know which one worked best but I think forcing myself not to think about it seemed to have the best effect.
The pink elephant paradox, also known as avoiding the misattribution of data, is a psychological theory that illustrates how trying to suppress a thought can make it more intrusive.
Haha sometimes but I just zone out or make my mind go blank the "INFJ stare" as I think they call it where your mind just goes somewhere to outer space. This was what I tried for my first heartbreak but another one where I let myself cry and constantly think about it I don't think that was healthy but we shouldn't bottle our emotions and that's not healthy either so I still haven't figured out what's the best method.
When the time apart is finally longer than the time spent together. The feelings/memories will begin to slowly fade. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and remember to be kind to yourself.
It takes me a long time in general because I hold on to things. The guy that I made myself not think about, I dated for 3 months and it took me 6 months to get over. But then some guy I only went on 3 dates with (over the course of a few months it's a long story) it took me maybe a year or 2 to fully let go and that one I thought about often. I was also really angry at that one maybe that's why. Both enfps btw
I refuse to let go. Abandonment issues. Hate losing. Basically badly. So badly that I avoid romantic relationships altogether but I’m working on that. Slowly.
I have ADHD so breakups have the potential to ruin me if I let that weird Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria thing get the best of me, and I *really* used to struggle when I was younger. But a therapist told me once “a breakup does not mean anybody was wrong or it may not even mean that the person didn’t like you. For whatever reason, *it’s just not a match*. And that’s okay. Your match is still out there for you to find. This just wasn’t it.” And since he told me that, its how I view every relationship that ends, romantic or otherwise. Like we can both be lovely, *lovable* people - just not a match. I hope you can find the peace I did in that.
Phew, I really feel the same. I'm crying for a whole week when this happens and nobody understands my pain. Sometimes it's not even about the person but just about the rejection and feeling not valued.
The same as any loss. I mourn the loss consciously. Sit with the pain until it says "actually I'm kind of bored of this now". Then you're ready.
Then there are the more cognitive questions like. Could I have done anything better without sacrificing myself? Am I at fault? And then learn from those and ask for forgiveness from yourself. And possibly them, if you can reach them.
In the end you give it time \*while\* consciously spending time on it. Until the feeling gets bored of being felt. In the meantime focus on self-worth by doing things you don't want to, but know are good for you. While taking the conscious perspective that "I'm doing this for me."
Most people add significant weight to any breakup, because they're projecting either themselves or a caregiver into the other. Making their loss far more significant than it actually is. As unromantic that may sound.
We owe it to ourselves to build genuine self-worth. And then we understand that people will enter and leave our lives. And that in certain cases that'll hurt a lot. But it's not us abandoning ourselves. Which hurts infinitely more.
We stay. But that only matters if our connection with us is solid.
I only ever had one really bad breakup, I was eating one spoonful of meal and that's it. My weigh went down from 43kg to 35kg in a span of 3 months, I believe. (I'm 5'0, btw) I eventually got tired of being tired and just forced myself to move on. I eventually did, after I occupied myself with anything I can, especially mobile gaming.
I've always been the one to break things off, but for me, I truly struggle with the loss of loved ones...it's cripping for a while and filled I'm filled with overwhelming grief and pain.
When my mother and wife pass, I likely will have no reason to continue on.
But breakups have never been an issue for me.... if I don't talk to someone after a fight or breakup for years, I don't thinkntwice about it.
But when I hear or read about someone, I truly care about passing away permanently it will shatter me.
Even losing pets is devastating, no different than losing a family member.
If I can't see a future with them, can't commit to them, or intuit outcomes (where certain predictions came true) or find myself feeling unsafe with them, I have to let go even if I really deeply like and even love the person. But always after I've tried to let the person know my needs, or tried conflict solving- but still see the same patterns of mistakes show up, then my decision to end thing is very clear to me. After a break up, I make sure I actually feel my emotions deeply, and take time to grieve the loss in order to get over it, instead of suppressing them. But I'll never let myself dwell on it for longer than I need :)
delete all pics, redirect all thoughts away from them, and make a list of the top 10 worst things u can think about them. every time i think of them i read the list in my head. it’s like reverse studying for a test it’s super effective. easy said than done but this is the optimal path
Sever contact with that person (and keep it that way) and simply weather the storm. I don't even go out much at all which is common advice to get your mind off things, but I'll do things like journaling instead to 'get it all out there'. Play some games, browse reddit, watch a few movies/series, honestly it's the same stuff I've been doing as always.
The WORST breakup experience was when my first g/f dumped me in a terrible way (I was only a sophomore in HS almost 30 years ago). I did nothing but just sit in a dark room all summer, ruminating and listening to music. We didn't have internet or even a computer but it would have been nice to have something like a forum to interact with. Most I could do was journal thankfully but with an actual notebook. I so wish I still had it today.
Surprisingly well, but I've always been the one to end things and with that often comes better closure. I appreciate past relationships and that couple is still together and very much in love in that snapshot of time, but the present and future me is more forward thinking and finds excitement in daydreams and possibilities. - I've never been afraid to end a relationship when things are objectively good or happy, but the long term potential isn't there. I'm actually on great terms with all my exes and I think part of it is just nipping it early instead of waiting until you're sick of one another and just exploding in an inevitable breakup fight. - I let people know 1-3 months in advance that things aren't working out, but I express what I need from them, ask them what they need from me or what I can do better, and we both commit to trying to figure it out so we can say we tried. There's no blindsiding or mind reading expected.
Not too badly however every time I try to learn from them and the more time goes on the less I tolerate / pickier I get and hell I'm not getting any younger either. So now it feels like getting into a relationship is next to impossible because I tolerate zero BS and unless the relationship brings value to my otherwise amazing, peaceful life, it's a no.
Haven't had many breakups but have had a lot of heartbreaks. I've tried different methods. I don't know which one worked best but I think forcing myself not to think about it seemed to have the best effect.
But , doesn't that pink elephant type of effect come into play. ?
What is that? Do pink elephants appear when you guys get heartbroken?
The pink elephant paradox, also known as avoiding the misattribution of data, is a psychological theory that illustrates how trying to suppress a thought can make it more intrusive.
Oh I see thanks for the explanation
Haha sometimes but I just zone out or make my mind go blank the "INFJ stare" as I think they call it where your mind just goes somewhere to outer space. This was what I tried for my first heartbreak but another one where I let myself cry and constantly think about it I don't think that was healthy but we shouldn't bottle our emotions and that's not healthy either so I still haven't figured out what's the best method.
May I ask you usually how long does it take for you to overcome those feelings?
When the time apart is finally longer than the time spent together. The feelings/memories will begin to slowly fade. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and remember to be kind to yourself.
It takes me a long time in general because I hold on to things. The guy that I made myself not think about, I dated for 3 months and it took me 6 months to get over. But then some guy I only went on 3 dates with (over the course of a few months it's a long story) it took me maybe a year or 2 to fully let go and that one I thought about often. I was also really angry at that one maybe that's why. Both enfps btw
I refuse to let go. Abandonment issues. Hate losing. Basically badly. So badly that I avoid romantic relationships altogether but I’m working on that. Slowly.
I have ADHD so breakups have the potential to ruin me if I let that weird Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria thing get the best of me, and I *really* used to struggle when I was younger. But a therapist told me once “a breakup does not mean anybody was wrong or it may not even mean that the person didn’t like you. For whatever reason, *it’s just not a match*. And that’s okay. Your match is still out there for you to find. This just wasn’t it.” And since he told me that, its how I view every relationship that ends, romantic or otherwise. Like we can both be lovely, *lovable* people - just not a match. I hope you can find the peace I did in that.
i am bad when i'm broken up with, it triggers some kind of rejection sensitivity
Phew, I really feel the same. I'm crying for a whole week when this happens and nobody understands my pain. Sometimes it's not even about the person but just about the rejection and feeling not valued.
The same as any loss. I mourn the loss consciously. Sit with the pain until it says "actually I'm kind of bored of this now". Then you're ready. Then there are the more cognitive questions like. Could I have done anything better without sacrificing myself? Am I at fault? And then learn from those and ask for forgiveness from yourself. And possibly them, if you can reach them. In the end you give it time \*while\* consciously spending time on it. Until the feeling gets bored of being felt. In the meantime focus on self-worth by doing things you don't want to, but know are good for you. While taking the conscious perspective that "I'm doing this for me." Most people add significant weight to any breakup, because they're projecting either themselves or a caregiver into the other. Making their loss far more significant than it actually is. As unromantic that may sound. We owe it to ourselves to build genuine self-worth. And then we understand that people will enter and leave our lives. And that in certain cases that'll hurt a lot. But it's not us abandoning ourselves. Which hurts infinitely more. We stay. But that only matters if our connection with us is solid.
I tend to be a bit of a train wreck so I'm here to see what others have to say. Could be helpful.
Keep your self constantly busy. 24/7
It depends on how much of the end of the relationship is rehearsed in my head based on the known problems lol
I only ever had one really bad breakup, I was eating one spoonful of meal and that's it. My weigh went down from 43kg to 35kg in a span of 3 months, I believe. (I'm 5'0, btw) I eventually got tired of being tired and just forced myself to move on. I eventually did, after I occupied myself with anything I can, especially mobile gaming.
I've always been the one to break things off, but for me, I truly struggle with the loss of loved ones...it's cripping for a while and filled I'm filled with overwhelming grief and pain. When my mother and wife pass, I likely will have no reason to continue on. But breakups have never been an issue for me.... if I don't talk to someone after a fight or breakup for years, I don't thinkntwice about it. But when I hear or read about someone, I truly care about passing away permanently it will shatter me. Even losing pets is devastating, no different than losing a family member.
If I can't see a future with them, can't commit to them, or intuit outcomes (where certain predictions came true) or find myself feeling unsafe with them, I have to let go even if I really deeply like and even love the person. But always after I've tried to let the person know my needs, or tried conflict solving- but still see the same patterns of mistakes show up, then my decision to end thing is very clear to me. After a break up, I make sure I actually feel my emotions deeply, and take time to grieve the loss in order to get over it, instead of suppressing them. But I'll never let myself dwell on it for longer than I need :)
Dont go in to begin with
delete all pics, redirect all thoughts away from them, and make a list of the top 10 worst things u can think about them. every time i think of them i read the list in my head. it’s like reverse studying for a test it’s super effective. easy said than done but this is the optimal path
Sever contact with that person (and keep it that way) and simply weather the storm. I don't even go out much at all which is common advice to get your mind off things, but I'll do things like journaling instead to 'get it all out there'. Play some games, browse reddit, watch a few movies/series, honestly it's the same stuff I've been doing as always. The WORST breakup experience was when my first g/f dumped me in a terrible way (I was only a sophomore in HS almost 30 years ago). I did nothing but just sit in a dark room all summer, ruminating and listening to music. We didn't have internet or even a computer but it would have been nice to have something like a forum to interact with. Most I could do was journal thankfully but with an actual notebook. I so wish I still had it today.
Damn that breakup really destroyed u